Thursday, September 5, 2013

the week one prognostications

“You say life is a dream,
Where we can't say what we mean?
Maybe just some roadside scene
That we're driving past?

And there's no telling where we'll be,
In a day or in a week?
And there's no promises of peace,
Or of happiness?

Well -- is this why you cling,
To every little thing?
And pulverize and derange all your senses?

Maybe life is a song,
But you're scared to sing along,
Until the very ending ...

It's time to let go
Of everything we used to know!
Ideas that strengthen who we've been!
It's time to cut ties,
That won't ever free our minds!
From the chains and shackles that they're in ..."


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(dr. nick riviera voice) Hi everybody!
(readers voice) Hi, Stevo ...

Holy cow, folks, football is back!

And with its’ return comes my weekly contribution to us degenerate gamblers out there, my weekly picks post!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year’s picks will be similar to the past – every former feature, is sticking around for season (hang on … carry the six …) TWENTY TWO! of doing these every week, dating back to when “The Voice of Reason” and I combined competing gambling pools in study hall to form a gambling … well, not syndicate, but something.

And in recognition of that milestone achievement – that literally two thirds of my life, I have been a drunken degenerate gambler of the worst kind (the losing kind) – Mr. Reason is getting his own platform.

I’m adding three new items to the picks piece each week (and four for eight of the seventeen weeks), as well as keeping the blasts from seasons past.  So let’s get started with a quick primer of how this will flow (in theory; in actuality, I’ll probably mail a couple of these in big time), for those who need a refresher, or for those of you who stoned stumbled onto this site through Twitter or a Google search.  (If that’s you, welcome!  In the words of the flag that used to hang over the Marlboro tents at IndyCar races: “Welcome Smokers!!!”)

First, your returning items, and a definition of each:

* The “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: what it sounds like – the underdog I am most confident will win outright.  Even though I track the ATS, it’s the SU that counts.  It is named after SI.com and TheMMQB.com lead writer Peter King, because in the 2010 season, he ranked your San Diego “Super” Chargers ahead of the Kansas City Chiefs in EVERY SINGLE WEEKLY RANKING in his MMQB column, despite the fact that the Chiefs, you know, never trailed for a single week, winning the AFC West wire-to-wire.  I don’t have a problem with massive bias in the media … unless it’s against my team or my cause.

* The “Good Times Game of the Week”: the worst game on the board.  It is named after the classic 1970s sitcom “Good Times” (one of my ten favorite shows of all time), because any person – regardless of sanity – would opt to watch a marathon block of “Good Times”, instead of watching even a second of on-field action, for this designated game.

* The “Webster Game Of the Week”: the second worst game on the board.  Is not always utilized (although it is this week).  It is named after the second worst sitcom of all time, “Webster”, because any person – regardless of sanity – would opt to watch a marathon block of “Webster”, instead of even a second of on-field action, for this designated game.  (Although most people would at least debate for a minute, before opting for “Webster”.)

* The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets Predictions: what it sounds like – my predictions, both ATS and SU, for every game not involving the Kansas City Chiefs (my 1A team) or the New York Jets (my 1B team, or 16W team, in honor of the exit off the Jersey Turnpike that gets you to Met Life Stadium).  Occasionally I will run a theme through these picks; usually I don’t.

* The Jets Prediction: what it sounds like – my prediction, both ATS and SU, for the contest involving the New York Jets.  Don’t look for sunshine, rainbows, and lollypops this season, from this section.  I think the Jets are the worst team in football, and the single worst regular season matchup of the season, will be the Week Five Monday Nighter in Atlanta.

* The Chiefs Prediction: what it sounds like – my prediction, both ATS and SU, for the contest involving the Kansas City Chiefs.  For home games, there is usually some kind of pep talk designed to motivate fans to show up.  The best ever post for this section was from back in 2002, when I did these via email each week.  I thankfully kept it all these years, and posted it five years ago, to ensure it’s survival for as long as there’s an internet.

* And as always, all odds are pulled from Danny Sheridan’s lines at USA Today.  Danny Sheridan: the Stevo's Site Numero Dos Official Oddsmaker since ... uuh, our inception!

This year, I’m adding four -- four! -- new features to this weekly post.

(1) The Flashback.  Just like “Lost”, this will jump all over the time and space continuum, but for each weekly Chiefs game, I will relive my favorite contest involving the Chiefs and their opponent, and wherever possible, the next morning recap will be included.

(2) The “Klassy Kevin Keitzman” Komment of the Week.

As a public service to those of you who are not addicted to Twitter (and I’m  one of you), I will scroll through 810 WHB drive-time host Kevin Keitzman’s Twitter account, identify his most (pick one) insulting / retarded / dumb as holy hell Tweet, and then react to it.  (In the interest of full disclosure, there is probably no one in the KC media market I despise more, than Klassy Kev’.  The man is so big of a hypocrite, the Champ is embarrassed for him.

(3) "The Poem".

A staple from the pre-Blogspot days, I used to compose a poem, to read on the walk down to the Arrowhead Overlook each Sunday home game, to liven up the mood, and get everyone in the "proper frame of mind" to "welcome" the enemy into our presence.

"The Poem" was so ... uuh ... (pick one) insane / utterly ridiculous / amazingly awesome ... that "The Voice of Reason"'s sister, used the poem (combined with its' aftermath at the players entrance) to write a paper on our tailgating group that earned the admiration of the Cottey College facultative community.  (Hell yes it got her an A.)

For each home game this year, I'm hauling "The Poem" out of retirement ... with the two key stanzas still intact, even if (a) one of the two, retired quite awhile ago, and (b) the other hasn't reffed a game at Arrowhead since 2007.

Those key stanzas?

"But then I stop,
Because I spot a car,
That might contain,
My special little star."

And ...

"Then I open the program,
To see who our referee will be,
And I shout out in horror,
"Sweet Jesus!  Ed Hochuli!"

(Note: I'll probably never again resurrect the "poem" about the Rae Carruth-less Panthers in 2000 for the freezing cold home game in which Richard A. Vermeil, on the FOX broadcast, noted he would "never again" coach a NFL team: "She wouldn't have an abortion / The money hungry b*tch / So I made sure her car / Wound up in that ditch!"  Even by my morally bankrupt standards ... that was (jerry "the king" lawler voice) a low blow!  Low blow!)

And, the one I’m most excited about …

(4) “The Voice of Reason’s Reason”, or whatever he chooses to name his section.  Each week, I will email Gregg my leans for each game (and, whenever possible, the rough draft of the picks post), and he will give his opinions about whatever he wants to.  Ideally the picks leans … but if he wants to pontificate on something other than the spread, it’s his section.  His comments will be posted unedited by both myself, and the Non-Existent Stevo’s Site Numero Dos editor.

So … let’s do this!  The Week One (Possibly Porn-Star Free) Pigskin Prognostications!!!

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Last Week ATS: not applicable.
Season to Date ATS: not applicable.

Last Week SU: not applicable.
Season to Date SU: not applicable.

Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: not applicable.
Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: not applicable.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: In the spirit of the Monday Night double header, it’s a two-fer to start the season.  I love the Bengals (+3) at the Bears, and I might physically wager the Chargers (+3 ½) at home in the late Monday Nighter against the Texans.  Now let's toss it back to outside the MGM Grand on the strip, to two time AFC Coach of the Year Ron Meyer, and the legendary "Big" Al McMordie!!!!

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets Predictions:

* at broncos 34, Ravens (+7) 31.  Posted in the masthead comment on the site, for verification of my prediction, in case this doesn't go up before kickoff.

* Bengals (+3) 31, at Bears 23.  I picked both teams to win their respective divisions, so I expect decent seasons from both squads.  I can envision flipping to this game during commercials of the Chiefs game Sunday.  Oh yeah – the watching party is on the deck … and possibly in the pool!  I love how it’s hotter the first weekend in September, than ANY weekend in August.  This is so damned perfect.  Please, dear Jesus, I don’t ask for much, but if you could let the low to mid 90s heat hold through the Dallas game next week, I’d be really grateful. 

* Vikings (+4 ½) 20, at Lions 10.  This is more an indictment of Detroit, than an endorsement of Minnesota.

* Patriots 41(-10), at Bills 20.  I like Doug Marrone.  As a Syracuse fan, I’ll always be thankful for his four years that undid the rot-gut stench that was the Greg Robinson error.  And I think he’ll wind up being the second best first-time head coach from this offseason (I liked the Trestman hire slightly better).  But folks … hang on, Mr. Vice President?  Would you care to do the honors?

(vice president biden voice) Sure thing pal!  Folks!  The Buffalo Bills suck!  A three letter word – suck!

Thank you sir. 

(vice president biden voice) You’re welcome, pal!

* at Browns 13 (pick), Dolphins 10.  I do not get the love for Miami.  At all.  And I’m not the only one who can’t figure it out – Grantland.com’s own Bill Barnwell is even more down on the Fins than I am.  Then again, I’m probably still furious that their victory in Buffalo last December means the Chiefs have to go to our personal house of horrors, The Ralph, in November this year … instead of heading to the beautiful 85 degree weather of Miami, just as we’re dropping into the 40s here.  Damned Ryan Tannehill.

* at Saints (-3) 34, Falcons 30.  I have switched this pick at least six times, since Monday.  If it was in Atlanta, I’d probably pick the flip outcome … after waffling on it fifteen times.  This one’s coming loaded for bear.  It’ll get at least a couple views during commercial breaks.

* at Steelers (-7) 37, Titans 7.  For what it’s worth, there are three games that are going to determine if the Chiefs get back into at least playoff contention, or are also-ran doormats again come Thanksgiving: at Bills, at raiders, and at Titans.  Playoff teams go 3 for 3.  I fear we’re going 2 for 3, and denver’s gonna win this division on strength of victory tiebreaker.  I wasn’t joking – I’ll go on a month long bender, if those (drew magary voice) heaving penises win this division on the 9th tiebreaker.  Oh, and as for this game …





Yup, this is YOUR “Webster Game of the Week!”

* Seahawks 21, at Panthers (+3) 20.  Sneaky good game with potentially huge wildcard ramifications come late December. 

* at Colts (-10) 56, raiders 2.  Mr. Walker, would you care to do the introduction?  You would?  Spectacular!  Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Jimmie Walker!!!!

(huge applause sound!)

(jimmy walker voice) This game’s gonna be uglier, than Willona’s party night!  Which means you gonna be watchin’ (clap!) Kid … Dy-No-Mite!!!!!




(For those of you who live in Rio Linda, this is the “Good Times Game of the Week”.)

* at Rams (-4 ½) 31, Cardinals 20In the bastardized words of the late, great Democratic Senator from Texas, who also served as Treasury Secretary under President Clinton, and was the party’s Vice Presidential nominee in 1988 (and, had the ticket been flipped, probably would have beaten Bush the First), Mr. Lloyd Bentsen: “Mr. Palmer?  I knew Kurt Warner.  You, sir, are no Kurt Warner.”

* at 49ers (-4 ½) 38, Packers 17.  I’m probably the only person in America, who doesn’t think Green Bay is making the playoffs.  Either I’m a freaking genius … or this is yet another in a long, long line of craptacular gambling prognostications that fail to pay off.

* Giants (-3) 34, at Cowboys 27.  I love this Giants team.  At least until January, when Seattle’s gonna open up a can of whoop ass on them in the divisional round.

* at Redskins (-3) 31, Eagles 13.  This line is at least three points too low.  Hang on … ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, the star of my favorite “still in first run status” television show, Mrs. Leslie Knope herself, Amy Poehler!!!  Ms. Poehler?

(amy poehler voice) Really?  Really, Danny Sheridan?  Really?  This game is really a pick ‘em if they played at Ol’ Pete King’s proverbial neutral field in Wichita?  Really?  No – really?

(Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh.  Oh my God, of course!  Hang on, let’s bring in Ms, Knope’s political hero for round two.  Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States, Mr. Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.!!!!

(vice president biden voice) Folks!  This line is so out of whack, it might cost some bookies their jobs!  A three letter word – jobs!


* at Chargers (+3 ½) 28, Texans 20.  I think way too many people are sleeping on this Chargers team.  Despite the league’s worst ranked offensive line, (arguably) the worst head coach in NFL history, AND an unprecedented number of players landing on IR last year … they still went 7-9, and of those 9 losses, they led at halftime in 5 of them.  (Hello, coaching upgrade!)  This Chargers team is the team that terrifies me in our division, Chiefs fans.  The raiders may not win a game, other than in week fourteen at the Fake Meadowlands.  denver is denver – if peyton manning starts at least twelve games, they’ll make the playoffs.  If he starts at least fourteen games, they’re winning the division.  Anything less than twelve, the division likely comes down to Chiefs and Chargers at The Q to close out the season.  

The "Klassy Kevin Keitzman" Komment of the Week:

I will grant you, I am cheating* for week one ... because Klassy Kev' hasn't posted much on Twitter this week, and it's all been about either (a) the KSU embarrassing loss to North Dakota State (see, who says KU and KSU have nothing in common, besides a hatred of Mizzou!) or (b) his Labor Day plans.  That's ... uuh, boring ... because the Klassy one for (a) acted with immense class, and gave credit where it was do, and (b) his Labor Day plans almost mirrored mine.  (Replace "tee time" with "first drink time" and it works perfectly.)

So, I went back a little over a month, to August 3rd.

(*: the Klassy One can't complain about Kheating ... can he?)

Here is the Klassy One's Tweet:


Now, I will grant you, I have no idea who his "only girl" is on this tweet -- his wife, or his daughter.  Based on the person in the linked picture below?  I'd guess his daughter, as the person appears to be Taylor Swift at her Sprint Centre performance last month.

Which makes Klassy Kev's comment ... Klassy.  You be the judge:


Uuh, Ol' Klassy Kev'?  What in the name of the Prairie Village Police Department, are you talking about?  

If it's your wife who has the "pretty good seat" next to you, that's one thing.  Who amongst us hasn't dreamed of a glamorous threesome with you, your significant other, and a smoking hot celebrity (allegedly)*?  Who amongst us hasn't rubbed one out watching a fantasy threesome at some quality digital online adult entertainment website**?  (Wait, did I just type that out loud?)

But, uuh, if it's his daughter who has the "pretty good seat" next to you ... say what?  Or, to do it more accurately, (dana wright voice) you HAVE to be kidding me!  For!  The!  Love!!!

Let's just all hope and pray, Mr. Keitzman's pants were up this time, regardless of who his "only girl" was, beside him.

(Do I go there?  Do I drag this down into the sewer in week one?  (Pause).  Yup.)

Let's just all hope and pray, Mr. Keitzman's pants were up this time, regardless of who his "only girl" was, beside him (RIMSHOT!!!!!!!)

(*: allegedly.  The single greatest non-liable word in the history of the English language: allegedly.)

(**: the single funniest / pathetic moment (at the same time) I can recall from a Chiefs tailgate, was for one of the games in 2010 (I'm fairly certain it was Jacksonville), when myself, our second grillmaster Anthony, his buddy Michael, and his buddy Paul, spent TWO HOURS b*tching while playing beer pong, that xnxx.com was down for four days after it was hacked.  (Wait -- did I just type THAT out loud?  Con dios mio!)

"The Voice of Reason's Reason":

(stevo: added Friday, 9/6/13, at ...  .  As promised, unedited, save for changing the font.  And if I can ever get a scannable copy of the Ray Adams picks.  Although Mr. Reason?  How could you forget about Bill Gehr, and the singing hoods?  "When you need credit?  You get it!  At Bill Gehr!!!"

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I guess this is the first edition of the Voice of Reason’s….uhhh…Reason.  Since the creator of Kostus Kostly Knowledge is the main host of the blog, I guess that won’t take much.

First the picks:
Balt +7.5 (sent the text about this on Wednesday night)
Buf +9 (always like a 9 pt home fav and NE has had their troubles in Buf in Week 1 before)
Tenn +7 (I’ll almost always take 5 or more points in week 1)
NO -3 (Sean Peyton has had over a year to prepare for this one)
NYJ +3.5 (I love home dogs)
Jax +4 (I haven’t really seen anyone take Jax, so I will go with the Wayne Allyn Root Contrarian pick)
Chi -3 (Cincy is overrated and Hard Knocks in contributing to that)
Cle -1 (Only friends and family…and maybe Cooksey would want to go to this one)
Car +3.5 (Again, like the home dog and Seattle is overrated.  RW won’t be as good this year with the league having an off season to prepare for him)
Min +5 (They are about the same quality as Det, so give me points)
Indy -9.5 (VOR Preseason voice – IT’S TERRELLE PRYOR!!!)
StL -4.5 (If Rob Housler plays for Arizona, it’s a different game.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he’s going to play)
SF -4.5 (I think Kaepernick is overrated, but Harbaugh is not)
Dal -3.5 (I’m drinking the Tony Romo Kool-Aid this year….. OH YEAH!)
Phi +3.5 (I’m a huge Chip Kelly fan and am very curious to see what he brings to the NFL)
SD +3.5 (Rivers is about done for his career, but give me the home dog on MNF)

The Reason: 

What in the blue hell has happened to the KC Star?  Sure, they had a rough patch in the 80s with Jon Rand and Gib Twyman, but there was a golden age in the 90s/00s with Whitlock, JoPo (who I didn’t care for, yet didn’t hate, but was pretty nationally recognized), Wright Thompson, Greg Hall/Jeff Flanagan/Chris Hearne (all three very underrated), Adam Teicher, Jason King, Kent Babb, and I’m sure countless others I’ve forgot. 

Now, all of the above are gone and Sam Mellinger and maybe Randy Covitz are all they have left.  The editorial page is a joke and the sports page is an even bigger joke.  Vahe Gregorian is HORRIBLE, they are losing their best beat writers and the whole shebang is falling apart at the seams.  Today was the final straw. As I opened the sports page at dinner (I was out of town for training this morning), I was greeted by the following.  (insert picture here) Weekly football picks by Ray Adams.  Yes, of “It’s Judgment Day, with Judgment Ray” fame…and the chick with giant screw going through her body.  I encourage everyone to do a YouTube search for Ray Adams commercials and you’ll know what I mean.  Anyway, the Star has now sunk to this guy providing picks in the paper?  Cracked Magazine.  It’s damn near taking everything I have to not cancel my subscription.  At this point, just throw up Sonny Hill and Hap Hazard picks, too.  That might be what it takes to keep me as a 18 year+ customer.

KC Star, it’s not the internet that’ll cause you to go out of business.  It’s losing all of your best staff and replacing them with craptacular stuff like this.

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(9/7/13, 6:23am: Your Ray Adams Picks!)


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"The Flashback" -- Chiefs vs Jaguars:

As far as I can tell, the Chiefs and Jaguars have met nine times before.

* The Jags won the initial matchup, 24-10, in 1997 (at Jacksonville).  Chiefs fans should remember this game -- it was Dick Gannon's first start of the 1997 season, after Elvis Grbac separated his shoulder the week before, in a Monday Night home win against the Steelers.

* The Jags won the second matchup, 21-16, early in the 1998 season (at Jacksonville).  There was nothing memorable about this game.

* The Chiefs won the third matchup, 30-26, in what should have been the 2001 season finale (at Jacksonville).  Instead, it was the next to late game, sadly, due to 9/11 postponing week two, to week seventeen.

* The Jags won the fourth matchup, 23-16, early in the 2002 season (at KC).  There was nothing memorable about this game, other than it was hotter than hell itself in the lower bowl.

* The Jags won the fifth matchup, 22-16, in the 2004 season (at Jacksonville).  Memorable because it was the first Chiefs game without one of the founding members of our tailgating group, the late, great Randall Carlyle Wakefield.  Also memorable because "The Voice of Reason" went ... and didn't get home until Wednesday due to shady shenanigans by (I believe) Delta airlines.  Also -- according to Mr. Reason, Joe Posnanski is amongst the most boring bar friends / fellow sports watchers, you could ever encounter, as Mr. Posnanski and Mr. Reason spent a few days together in lovely (and Jesus, is that a loose definition of the word), lovely Newport, Kentucky.  (How lovely?  Scroll through our trip to Cincy in 2003 for the Chiefs / Bengals game, until you reach the "five star hotel" we stayed at.  Five stars, my ass.)

* The Jags won the seventh matchup, 17-7 on a miserable day in 2007 (at KC).  The Chiefs scored their only points, as time expired.

* The Jags won the eighth matchup, 24-21, in 2009 (at Jacksonville).  I honestly have no memory recollection whatsoever about this game.

* The Chiefs won the most recent meeting, 42-24, in 2010 (at KC).  The recap of that day can be read by clicking on this link.

It would take something amazing, to top that 2010 game.

That something amazing, was week seventeen, 2006.  New Year's Eve.

Chiefs.  Jaguars.  Arrowhead Stadium.

As it turned out, it became a "winner's in / loser's out" literal playoff game, to close the regular season.

And quite frankly ... it might be my favorite Chiefs game, I've ever attended.  It's in the top five, that's for sure.

For your flashback ... you can click on this link, to relive one of the funnest, most fulfilling, most ecstatic day to be a Chiefs fan, a person can ever experience in his or her life.

The Jets Prediction:

If I wind up typing over 1500 words for your 2013 New York Jets ... at least 422 of them, would be bleeped on any over-the-air program.

* Bucs (-3) 41, at Jets 0.  Oy vey.

The Chiefs Prediction:

("pastor stevo" getting his sermon notes together)
("the congregation" awaiting "pastor stevo"'s sermon)

If there is anything I have learned over the last year ... is that you cannot make someone do, what they don't want to do.

You cannot make someone do the right thing by you.  You cannot make someone treat you with the respect, kindness, and decency you deserve, as not just a friend and a human being (aka "real life"), but as a fan (aka "the sports world").

Whatever the 2012 Chiefs were ... 

The 2013 Chiefs wouldn't be, unless Clark Hunt WANTED them to be.

And it is to Mr. Hunt's credit, that he acknowledged he (bucked) up in hiring Mr. Pioli four years ago, and kicked his ass to the curb.

It is to Mr. Hunt's credit, that he acknowledged he (mucked) up in letting Mr. Pioli hire Coach Asshat and Coach Baffoon, and sent them packing as well, over these last two seasons.

It is to Mr. Hunt's credit, that he acknowledged the error in signing off on giving Matt Cassel a ... you know what?  I'm not going to call that an error, believe it or not.  Matt Cassel played here four years.  Everyone knew year one was a rebuild, and he went 4-11 as a starter.  He won the division in year two, going 10-5 as a starter.  And he had the Chiefs one game out of first place in 2011 (at 4-4) when he was lost for the season against (God, I love this analogy) those (drew magary voice) heaving penises from denver in week ten of 2011.  The Chiefs finished one game out of the playoffs in 2011.  I guarantee you a healthy Cassel, wins at least one Tyler Palko start, he failed to win (I'm looking at you, Jets ... or oakland at home, that Kyle Orton lost in overtime).

We -- Arrowhead Nation -- spoke as one last fall.  Clean house.  NOW!

Mr. Hunt?

DID.

Let that sink in, Chiefs fans.  We were p*ssed at the treatment this franchise gave us, and demanded satisfaction.  Since duels are (tragically) outlawed nowadays, our only recourse was to point out the offenses against us, the fanbase, by this franchise.

And Mr. Hunt not only listened ... he agreed with us, and acted to fix the problems this team had.

Coach Baffoon?  Gone.  "Fat" Andy Reid, he of the nearly .600 winning percentage in fourteen years in Philly -- hardly a place ANY coach gets FOURTEEN years of job security in?  In.

Matt Cassel / Brady Quinn / Ricky Stanzi / Youtube! Dude at QB?  Buh bye.  Alex Smith / Chase Daniel / Tyler Bray / No Youtube! Dude at QB in?  Hell yes.

The Chiefs went from worst to first four years ago, in 2010.  From 4-12 to 10-6, clinching the division with a week to spare.  Do I think the 2013 Chiefs, as currently constructed, can do the same thing?

No.

But with a little luck ... and a timely injury to a key opponent, do I think the Chiefs can at least grab a wildcard berth?  

Yeah, I do.

You can't win a championship in week one.  Never has that been proven more astutely than the 1997 Dallas Cowboys, who went into Three Rivers and demolished the Steelers, 37-7.  

The Cowboys lost their last five, to finish at 6-10 and clean house.  The Steelers hosted the AFC Title Game (losing to denver).

And you can't lose a championship in week one.  Again -- the Cowboys reference.  The 1993 Cowboys opened 0-2, after the mid 1990s traditional "week two Cardinals vs Cowboys home opener on TNT" for the Cards.

That Cowboys team went 15-2 the rest of the way, successfully defending their Lombardi against (go figure) Buffalo, come January.

And also -- you can't write a successful, yet non-championship season, in week one.  Again, drawing on the Cowboys (gee, you'd think I lived in Dallas at the height of the Triplets era ... oh wait; I did), I give you your 1996 Cowboys, my second favorite NFL team of all time (behind the 1995 Chiefs).  You had to live down there to get it ... but if you did?  You got it.

What do I expect on Sunday?  

Simple.  If this Chiefs team is capable of grabbing a wild card slot (as 1 of 4 of TheMMQB.com columnists project, and 5 of 8 ESPN.com columnist, along with ESPN the Magazine, project), or grabbing a divisional championship (as Greg Bedard at TheMMQB.com projects)?  They win this game.

If they're not capable of pulling that off?  They'll get blown out by one of the worst teams in modern NFL history.

Chiefs (-4) 27, at Jaguars 3.  As always, I pick the final score for a reason.  This is your reason.  I believe in this team.  I believe in this owner.  I believe that the worst is behind us.  

It's up to people that are not named Steve, to begin the morning after, in real life.

It's up to "Fat" Andy Reid, Alex Smith, and the other folks my season ticket money is paying the salaries for, to begin the morning after, in my sports rooting interest life.

I believe that on Sunday, come about 3:10pm CT, there's going to be shots of celebration, on the back deck, as the Chiefs do something they haven't managed since Halloween Night, 2011.

Climb above .500.

If the Royals can do it?  In September?

Then anyone can ...

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