week six: the game i've waited two years for ...

"The flowers you gave me?
Are just about to die.
When I think about what could have been?
It makes me want to cry …

The sweet words you whispered?
Didn't mean a thing!
I guess our song is over,
As we begin to sing …

Could've been so beautiful!
Could've been so right!
Could've been my lover,
Every day of my life!

Could've been so beautiful!
Could've been so right!
But I'll never hold what could have been,
On a cold and lonely night …"

-- "Could've Been" by Tiffany.

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Last Week Straight Up: 8-7-0.
Season to Date Straight Up: 45-32-1.

Last Week Against the Spread: 11-4-0.
Season to Date Against the Spread: 43-34-1.

Last Week Upset O' The Week: (wadsworth voice) This is getting scary.  VERY scary.
Season to Date Upset O' The Week Straight Up: 5-1-0, W5.
Season to Date Upset O' The Week Against the Spread: 5-1-0, W5.
This Week's Upset O' The Week: Browns (+1) over Seahawks.

The Non-Chiefs Picks.

* Byes: Bears, raiders, Bills, Colts.  Allow me to say this about the debacle against Indy last Sunday night (of which I witnessed in person every single painful second): that was a F Minus performance by the Red and Gold.  F Minus.  It's the worst no-show of the "Fat" Andy years since the opener against Tennessee in 2014.  It was, in the words of the great Jim Mora Sr., a "disgraceful performance".  Also, in the words of the great Jim Mora Sr., "the offense sucked, the defense sucked, the special teams sucked, it was a horsesh*t performance.  Horsesh*t!"

And yet … the Chiefs had the ball, 4th and 1, at about their own 40, with a little over five to play, only down six.  And everyone in that stadium -- including those 150 plus people on the visitors sideline -- knew if the Chiefs converted that play, they would probably win the game.

That's how good this Chiefs team is, Chiefs fans.  They can deliver an absolute horsesh*t performance for fifty five minutes … and still control their own destiny.

This is gonna be a really fun marathon to January.  And it resumes with three straight awesome, epic, "you don't want to miss this!" games, beginning at noon tomorrow, in the game I've been drooling over for two years now.

* My Thursday Night pick was at Patriots 24, Giants (+17) 20.
* Bucs (+2) 27, Panthers 20 (Game in London).
* at Ravens 20, Bengals (+11) 17.  "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Browns (+1) 45, Seahawks 20.
* at Jaguars (-1) 16, Saints 10.

* Redskins (-3) 24, at Dolphins 13.  I got woken up (as opposed to the idiotic term "woke up" -- again, if you lazy ass millennials in Ann Arbor, Happy Valley, and Madison had "woke up" on November 8, 2016, and gone to vote, we wouldn't have "House of Wings" in the White House), anyways, I got woken up Monday morning after a long night of football and Power and Light, by a text from "The Voice of Reason", asking me if I'd seen who was taking over the Redskins, after the firing of Jay Gruden.

Had I seen it?  Oh hell yes I had!

Ladies and gentlemen?  "Sur" Bill Callahan is back!

And in case you'd forgotten just how awesome a head coach "Surrender" Willy is, I invite you to look back fondly at the single lowest moment in Nebraska history (and arguably the high water mark in Kansas history): the "Spirit of 76" Game to open November 2007.

I might have to drop the $30 or $40 to order a single Redskins game this season on DirecTV.  I want to see "Sur" William surrender away one more time.  Because just as he surrendered the Big XII North to Kansas?  Let alone Missouri, Iowa State, KSU, and Colorado?

He's gonna surrender his team to the Eagles, Cowboys, and Giants, right into a top two pick.  Where they can yet again whiz away said top flight pick on a quarterback who'll bomb out within three years.

All Hail the Redskins!

* at Vikings (-3) 27, Eagles 23.
* "Shane" Falcons (-2 1/2) 26, at "Super" Cardinals 20.  "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Rams (-4) 51, 49ers 30.

* at those people (-2 1/2) 13, Titans 10.  (stevo sighing in disgust).  Yes, as of now, I will be there Thursday night.  I want to see their season buried and dead in person.  Work willing.

* Cowboys 24, at Jets (+7) 21.  I actually think the Jets are gonna win this, setting up one epic "everything up to and including the kitchen sink" game next Monday to save the season.  Because yes, Pete Stoyanovich, the Jets season needs to be saved.  I just don't have the balls to pick it.

* at "Super" Chargers 24, Steelers (+6) 21.  "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* Lions (+4 1/2) 28, at Packers 20.

The "Klassy" Kevin Kietzman Tweet O' The Week.

What can I say folks?  Kaptain Klassy is back!

Where to begin?  The Pantsless One having a tweet sponsored by a beauty product for flawless skin?  The Kommander of the Kurbside b*tching and moaning about how he only got one minute on the air to complain that the Chiefs have gotten lazy, that KU is going to get the death penalty, and that the Royals' Jorge Soler is worthless because he wouldn't be recognized on The Plaza on a typical Tuesday?

Or my personal favorite, his kandid komment that he "needs new friends".  Wait -- I thought you had a lil' friend who was going to slice your handicap down to five or better?  Or is the intro to your Twitter feed yet another lie out of "K"KK's mouth?

For the love dude -- not even the late, great Sir William Grigsby ever took out his disgust over demotion on the dog.  I mean, if the late, great Harry ever ran free on the crime-riddled streets of Parkville, it wasn't due to being ditched by his owner.

I think Klueless Kev needs some professional help.  Please -- get help somewhere.  Because this is beginning to border on the insane and/or delusional.  And trust me -- nobody you'll ever meet knows the fine line between insane and delusional, better than me.

The Watching Party Plans.

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.

The Tailgating Plans.

At last check, we are doing a bunch of chilis and soups, to keep things simple.  It's going to be too damned cold tomorrow to do anything else.

We will have a grill going for brats, dogs, and jalapeno poppers.

As always, anyone who wishes to join in, is always welcome and wanted.  Blake, Chance and I will be down to save our spots by 6:30.  Hope to see y'all tomorrow.

Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.

So … I'm rolling two sections into one this week, because you could also call this the …

Stevo Drink O' The Week.

(stevo sighing in disgust).

It all began in August, when my good buddy Andrew came down for the 49ers preseason game with his college roommate Brock.  We made a quick liquor store run to get some libations for the tailgate, and Brock wound up buying something he referred to as "The Claw".

Needless to say, that was the phrase of the weekend: "The Claw".

(Note: something about to become decriminalized here in Missouri come January 1st, may have contributed to making that the phrase of the weekend.)

So yes, this week's update … is that I am damned near addicted to the Black Cherry White Claw seltzer.

(brian griffin voice) gay.

Yeah.  Whatever.  

Let's move on.

(Pause).

Ladies and gentlemen?  Mr. Conway Twitty!!!!!

The Flashback.

There's no other game I could pick, in this "rivalry".

Other than possibly this one.

The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.

So here we are.  

Two years after what "could've been", the two top prospects of the 2017 NFL Draft, are going to duel for what is hopefully the first of twenty, twenty five showdowns.

I cannot possibly put into words, how geeked I am, for Mahomes / Watson I.

If there is any game at Arrowhead you can make this year?

This is the one to make.

Because the great "what if" in Chiefs franchise history … is about to play out, for the first time.

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For the record, I supported drafting Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" over Deshaun Watson.  Sh*t, there's Facebook proof out there that I literally melted down into a ball of tears, screaming "yes!  yes!  f*ck yes!" the moment the pick was announced two years ago.

And yet … godd*mmit, watching Deshaun Watson, makes you ask out loud "wait -- did we blow this pick"?

And I know -- for a Chiefs fan to question drafting Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", is borderline blasphemy.  And yet, I can't help asking the question … because watching Deshaun Watson is that f*cking amazing.

Folks?  We're going to see greatness for the first time Sunday afternoon.  Hopefully for the first of twenty plus times.  The two quarterbacks who are going to define the AFC for the next decade, at least, will finally meet each other (the script voice) for the first time.

I am so f*cking ready for this.

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For the record, this season:

Picking the Chiefs:

* Straight Up: 3-2-0.  (L Jaguars, W raiders, W Ravens, W Lions, L Colts).

* Against the Spread: 2-3-0.  (L Jaguars, W raiders, W Ravens, L Lions, L Colts).

Is this where I note that last year at this time, I was 5-0-0 both SU and ATS, picking the Chiefs, going into Foxboro?

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Let the "Could've Been Bowl I" begin.

Because again, I am so freaking ready for this.

It's been a long, long time since I woke up without an alarm for a noon game.  Usually the night before a noon game, I stay over at the Second Parents, because it's far easier to have Mona pound on my door for five minutes to get my ass out of bed, than rely on my hung over self * to drive fifteen minutes at five in the morning, to make Bus-off.

And that truth will hold tonight.

(*: this is a lie.  I never get hangovers.  I know you laugh at that … but it's the truth.  I never get hangovers.  It's both a blessing, and a curse.)

But I suspect I'll be wide awake at 3:30 tomorrow morning … if not sooner.

* at Chiefs 51, Texans (+4) 48 (OT).

This is going to be one to tell the grandkids about.  

Don't miss it ...