The sentimental fool don't see trying hard to create,
What had yet to be created.
For once in her life?
She musters a smile,
For his nostalgic tale.
Never coming near what he wanted to say --
Only to realize?
It never really was.
She?
Had a place in his life.
He?
Never made her think twice.
And as he rises to her apology,
Anybody else would surely know?
He's watching her go.
But what a fool believes he sees?
No wise man has the power
To reason away!
What seems to be?
Is always better than nothing!
Than nothing at all ..."
-- "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers.
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We're about a week away from learning what the Chiefs official path to Super Bowl ... whatever the hell roman numeral we're up to, will, uuh, officially look like.
Wednesday, we saw where the baby steps, the training wheels, the worthless exercise that frustrates the sh*t out of all of us, yet is a necessary part of the season ... Wednesday we got the preseason "schedule" for the Chiefs.
Only without official dates, and official times. Only a "date range".
We know the Chiefs will be out of town the third and fourth weekends in August, visiting your Atlanta "Shane" Falcons and your Chicago Bears (and former offensive coordinator Matt Nagy. Also, I love that the game that actually somewhat possibly matters in preseason, will see a Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" / Mitchell Trubisky battle for at least a half. These two will (hopefully) face each other at Soldier Field next fall ... for probably one of at most three career matchups that count * .)
The fourth game -- as always it seems, is the Packers at home, no doubt on Thursday August 30th. (Any Packers fans interested in going? My ticket is up for grabs!)
It's the first game -- against your Houston Texans, that intrigues me ... and should intrigue you ... in a very, very, very good way, for the next week or so, until the dates and times are made official.
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(*: the thing I hated the most about the Chiefs giving up the home game against the Lions to London three years ago ** , is that it is now highly probable Matt Stafford will NEVER make a career start at Arrowhead. Are you f*cking kidding me? Half the fun of being a season ticket member is the opponent! Mr. Stafford hosted the Chiefs in 2011 (a 3-48 Chiefs loss best remembered for Jamaal Charles' first blown (al michaels voice) knee injury), faced us in London in 2015 (a Chiefs ass-whipping that opened ... well, read ** for what it opened), and we travel to Detroit next year. He is not scheduled to face the Chiefs at Arrowhead until 2023. I will be p*ssed if I never get to see Mr. Stafford play at Arrowhead in a game that counts. Doubly so if said game occurs after Mr. Stafford's career "counts".)
(**: * is mostly true ... but ** is more true: how EPIC would that day have been? Chiefs / Lions in a game that honestly wound up defining the next three months for the Chiefs (they refused to lose) ... then a couple hours to recover and/or keep prepping ... for Game Five in New York of Royals and Mets. Which begs the question: would the parking nazis have forced us to leave? If we fans simply headed out in an orderly and/or celebratory fashion after the game, got the tailgate going again, and set up shop with a TV, a couch, and a fresh round of beers ((luke bryan voice) "been there, done that"), would security have actually forced us to leave? I say not only no, but hell no. #whatmighthavebeen)
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The date range given for the Texans preseason game is "August 9th through 13th". (Or, for the "calendar challenged" in this life, Thursday through Monday.)
The Royals have an off day (as of today) on Thursday 8/9. They host the Cardinals on Friday 8/10, Saturday 8/11, and Sunday 8/12. They host the Blue Jays on Monday 8/13.
Officially, Chiefs fans? We have an eighty percent chance of a Double Header Day this summer.
Eighty. Bleeping. Percent!
(Fine, fine -- technically, it's seventy five percent; given that the national TV games have already been announced, you can remove Monday the 13th from the list of possible game dates. But still -- three out of four ain't bad!)
And really, if we're being honest here?
Because -- of all things -- the preseason finale, that there is very little chance anyone reading this will watch for more than ten minutes ... let alone attend in person *** .
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(***: I went to last year's preseason finale for two reasons: (a) Tom, Nicole, Jeremy and Andrew came in for the game (vs Titans -- their team, and yes, we're going to Nashville next year when the Chiefs play there, if only to ensure the last time the Chiefs played in Nashville NEVER happens again), and the last great weekend of summer at The Pool, and (b) Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" started. Other than a game with the Titans and/or Mr. Mahomes involved, I don't believe I've been to the preseason finale in fifteen years. And hell yes, I'm proud of that.)
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Because if you're the Kansas City Chiefs, do you honestly want to have both of your home preseason dates on a Thursday?
Be brutally honest with yourself, and ignore everything that is vile and wrong with preseason (which is pretty much everything save the tailgating ... and the first half of the third game) for a moment.
If the preseason opener is at 7pm on Thursday August 9th to avoid the Royals? The Chiefs are drawing 40,000, tops.
(And I'd wager all $1,432.56 available in my checking account, on the under ... and throw in the $200.00 overdraw BofA (damned near) freely avails its account holders to boot ... and immediately double said checking account and overdraw amounts, by betting said under, on 40,000 attendees.)
And yes, I know -- 60,000 some odd of us have already paid for the "privilege" of being there, but at least 25%, 30%, of that figure won't be due to work obligations. (I would be in that 25% to 30%. Ditto in all likelihood for the finale this preseason as well.) That's souvenir, food, and (most importantly) booze revenue the Chiefs don't want to miss out on.
On the other hand, if kickoff is at noon Saturday the 11th, or kickoff is at 7:45 that Saturday evening?
Well, let's think this through -- because the only question that matters is this:
Who loses?
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* The Royals don't lose. That game against the Cardinals would sell out within 48 hours of the Chiefs game date being announced. (And given how this season is going, Toby Cook would welcome that gate revenue. To say nothing of the souvenir, food, and (most importantly) booze revenue, the Royals would get that they otherwise wouldn't.)
* The Chiefs don't lose. They'll draw at least 25-30% more than they would for a Thursday game. Which of course means more sales inside the stadium. And look it, I get it -- the Chiefs aren't losing money this year. Neither are the Royals **** . But every little bit counts, because ...
* The vendors don't lose. Archie will be busy floating from right field at Kauffman to the northwest end zone corner at Arrowhead ***** ... and I guarantee you he won't complain once. He'll make more on that day than he would in a normal week. (And yes -- it does frighten me, that I not only know the name of my beer vendor at Arrowhead ... I seek out his section(s) when I got to Kauffman.)
* Major League Baseball doesn't lose. I don't have a pocket schedule yet, and I'm too lazy to look up the TV listings for August (is the game on FSN or FS1 / FOX), but I would guess the Cardinals will be in the thick of the NL Central / NL Wild Card race six weeks out from the postseason. You think FOX or FS1 wouldn't mind adding an extra game at noon ... or moving a historic rivalry into prime time, on that Saturday?
* The National ... Football League doesn't lose. Sh*t, they might be the biggest winners! They get to actually put pics out there on Twitter and Instragram and whatever the hell else the kids use nowadays, that show a mostly full stadium at kickoff! For preseason football!
And in the rarest of rarities? Involving professional sports?
* The fans not only don't lose, we're the biggest winner! We get one epic day to celebrate all things Kansas City, celebrate all things Truman Sports Complex, celebrate the two things in this city that ensure civic pride (or disgust) no matter what: our professional sports franchises. We get one epic day to (crystal lampett on "38 the spot" voice) "hang with our buds doing what Kansas City does best: tailgating!"
Believe me -- as someone who once used to host a tailgate every summer that ostensibly celebrated my addition to booze ... but in reality was started to make sure that for at least one day every year, we all ****** got together to just celebrate what really matters in this life -- our relationships with each other, no matter how f*cked up, flawed, and fatal they may be(en)?
I can get behind one (hopefully not last) epic Double Header Day!
And I hope you can too.
On Saturday, August 11th, 2018.
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(****: yes, on paper, they will both lose money. But they won't. Trust me. This is what I am paid to do for a living: find every loophole imaginable to turn a profit into a loss on paper. And I cannot say this about a lot of things in life ... sh*t, save for my ability to sit in the sun and drink, while wondering where the hell my t-shirt wound up? This might be the only other thing I can say this about ... I am DAMNED good at my job.)
(*****: don't remember if I've noted this or not ... but I "upgraded" back to my old digs for 2018. Get ready Section 132. I'm officially back! Although not in black. Especially on raiders day.)
(******: "It's a long day, but it's worth it!" I did not make that comment at a Double Header Day in (I believe) 1999, back when we had one every August. (Thank you, Carl Peterson and Herk Robinson!) But one of this site's (surprisingly decently sized) loyal readership did. I am guessing that I did not make that comment on camera, to be broadcast to our fine metropolitan area, because I was the one there at the "interview" without a shirt on, and Channel 9's Karen Kornacki was so smitten with staring at the awesomeness that (isn't) me, she could(n't) stop drooling long enough to stick the mic in my face. Also, if you cannot make fun of yourself? You really need to brace for the entirety of humanity laughing at you.)
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So Royals? Chiefs? MLB? NFL?
Let's make this happen.
There's two ways to make this work. I'm fine with either option ... although I prefer one over the other.
Option Uno:
(1) The Royals graciously move their first pitch time from 6:15 to high noon on Saturday, August 11th.
(2) The Chiefs then schedule kickoff against the Texans for 7:30pm on that Saturday, with the permission to flex back in half hour increments as needed to accommodate the baseball game's outcome, and the need for (at least) three hours between games to allow people only attending one game to enter and/or exit.
(3) Gates open at 8am for tailgating, because that seems reasonable.
This is the option ... I do not prefer.
But I'd be perfectly cool with. It's how these days tend to work -- Royals before Chiefs. (Although arguably the greatest one, at least in terms of significance? Went Chiefs first.)
(Note: those of you who know me best? Ranking a Royals World Series championship win over losing to "those people" at home? Pains me. Not because the Royals won ... but because "those people" won.)
Option Dos:
(1) The Chiefs schedule kickoff against the Texans for high noon on Saturday, August 11th.
(2) The Royals graciously push back first pitch from 6:15pm to 7:45pm on that Saturday, with permission to flex back in ten minute increments as needed to accommodate the football game's outcome, and the need for (at least) three hours between games to allow people only attending one game to enter and/or exit.
(3) Gates open at 7am for tailgating, in accordance to stated Chiefs parking regulations.
This, believe it or not ... is the option I do prefer.
And not just for the extra hour the Chiefs would give us to tailgate.
Because on Saturday August 11th, the Royals are honoring the 1985 Champs, in the season long celebration of Season Fifty in Kansas City. THAT is the event that day, that deserves top billing, over a meaningless preseason game that (most) of us will ditch by halftime because (russ the bus man voice) "the beer's colder and cheaper at The Bus!"
(Especially if both Mr. Mahomes and Deshaun Watson are yanked after one meaningless series apiece.)
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No matter what, we should know by this time next week whether I'm just a dumb f*ck fool who believes in whatever the impossible is ... or if I am what I probably should have chosen as the theme, since after all, it would perfectly describe what Saturday, August 11, 2018, would be, if all things align right:
"Oh I could hide,
'Neath the wings,
Of the blue bird?
As she sings.
The six o'clock alarm?
Would never ring!
But six rings!
And I rise!
And wipe the sleep?
Out of my eyes!
My shaving razor's cold,
And it stings!
Cheer up, sleepy Jean!
Oh, what can it mean!
To a day dream believer,
And a homecoming queen! ..."
(-- "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees.)
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We really need this day. Just one day. Saturday, August 11, 2018. One last epic call for the ages. I mean, think of all it could inspire!
* Jasson not ducking out for a weekend on the lake!
* "bts" showing up rocking a t-shirt as a turban! (Note: was this really ten years ago now?!?!?! And I'm still waiting for that picture ...)
* "The Voice of Reason" actually enjoying more than one adult beverage! In a 24 hour span!
* "The Crush" doing, uuh, "Crush" things!
* My brother doing, uuh, brother things! (Note: we drink in my family. I swear, it's true.)
And set aside you and me ... or dig deeper! Because ...
* Just think of the Beer Pong Tournament Draft! (I mean, Clint has to go first overall ... but trust me, "Twin Peaks" would be a sneaky steal in the six, seven, eight spot, assuming it's a sixteen person draft, eight teams involved. Not that I've partnered with her at all over the last ten years, (verne lundquist voice) no sir!)
I mean, sweet Jesus, that alone would be epic! Sh*t, that draft might draw better ratings than Round Seven will next weekend for the actual Draft! Just imagine the (rush limbaugh voice) "talent on loan from God" for that bad boy!
* Because in all honesty, would I even get drafted?
(That's a serious question, actually, given that I'm not a big beer drinker. I'm guessing -- just like growing up! -- I'm the last "kid" picked ... and somehow live up to your very, very low expectations. But still. "Beer Pong Tournament Draft".)
* To say nothing of the tournament itself! Wrestlemania IV has NOTHING on (potentially) us!
* Imagine the spirited debate amongst many of you attempting to calculate what ounce I'm actually up to, almost eight years after we last did it! (As of August 2011, it was 460,001 (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change. I am truly frightened to think of what it's up to now, given the last four years of my employment at, uuh, "former employer".)
And -- of course! -- the piece de resistance:
* will Uncle Bill show up, tin cup in hand!
Chiefs? Royals? MLB? NFL? Almighty God Above?
This HAS to happen!
If only for the last one.
Because ANY time there is a chance can happen?
It HAS to happen!
Right?
("teammate for life" voice) Right! ...
