sk: again, enjoy. If only for the "what the hell was Steve on when he thought Bill Callahan was a good coach" prediction at the end ...
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wow, this is long. Might want to print it off for the second office. Unless, of course, you've already been told you're being kicked to the curb by the folks running your company, in which case, waste company time!
I have to admit up front, I have only watched the 1st quarter of the game. When I got home last night, I was all prepared to spend 2 1/2 hours watching our "effort" at Houston ... only I couldn't bring myself to fire up the TiVo and watch the whole thing. Plus, there was a classic episode of "Good Times" on, so that kind of precluded me from watching the game too. So I don't know if the game looked as crappy on television as it did in person.
But, thankfully, the game was just about the only part of the weekend that sucked. So that's bueno. Should have the (ref voice) "indisputable visual evidence" ready tonight, I still have to download them off the camera, but man, good times had by all. Especially Sunday morning. As always, more below ...
* left Thursday after work to head down to Frisco for part one of the vacation. Got in about 2am ... and after a quick tour of Monte and Sheila's new house, hit the pool. This would be a recurring theme ...
* Friday, woke up, and after a wonderful breakfast of some sausage and egg casserole deal and Shiner Blonde, hit the pool. If there's a better way to spend a 95 degree Friday in early September than floating in a pool, drinking ridiculous amounts of Shiner products, and perfecting my jumpshot playing horse on the floating basketball goal, I haven't found it.
* the setup in their backyard ... just sick. I mean, if I could like design my dream backyard, this would pretty much be it. About 1/2 of the backyard is the in-ground pool and hot tub. Another 1/4 of it is the deck, grilling area, and walkways. The last 1/4? They're building a cabana ... and they have a built in washers pit. Are you freaking kidding me. Built in washers pit! In the back yard! How the hell can you top this? No grass to mow, complete with a pool and hot tub, grilling area, and a washers pit! I can't believe I came home ...
* Friday night, we put the grilling area to good use. We also had to make an emergency trip to the Tom Thumb for some Shiner products. The lesson, as always: you offer Steve some Shiner products, they're going to get consumed rapidly ...
* Saturday morning, I got up early, borrowed the car, and drove to my old stomping grounds. Drove over to TCU to see what that fine academic institution looks like now, checked out (barenaked ladies voice) the old apartment (which was more than 22 steps from the street ...), and just for the hell of it, went into Big Daddy's Wines and Spirits, the shadiest liquor store in Lake Arlington. (It makes the liquor store at the Apple Market on Bannister look classy, if that's any help as to how ghetto this place is). After debating getting a tattoo at the new joint next to Big Daddy's, it was back to Frisco for, you guessed it ...
* more pool time! Hopped in about 10am, and it was already 92 degrees outside. 92 degrees at 10am in September. And to think people wonder why I'm so damned determined to move back to the Metroplex ...
* took off for Houston about noon. I got to drive, which was neat ... because I finally got to drive the High Five! Its like a freaking roller coaster, its just awesome. And yes, I worry about myself, that I'm this excited about driving a freeway interchange. But man, its just an amazing architectural feat. Plus, its pretty cool to like be elevated over 100 feet over the freeway below, knowing you're about to descend that 100 feet at 70mph into traffic moving even faster.
* another reason I love Dallas: Central Expressway was backed up, for no obvious reason other than too many cars on it, at 12:45 on a Saturday afternoon. A solid 4 mile backup from University to the Thornton Freeway. I so want to move back.
* got into Houston about 4:30. (Yet another reason I love Texas: you can go 80-85mph the whole way, and you're still going to be passed by half the cars on the freeway because they're going 90). We stayed at the Hilton at Reliant Park, or literally directly across the parking lots from the stadium. Nice stuff.
* went to dinner at some seafood joint called Willie G's. Russ recommended it. I should probably point out, most joints Russ recommends, he does so for one of two reasons: (a) they're a bar with cheap booze, or (b) they're a bar with cheap booze. So we had our doubts. But, for once, he didn't pick a bar with cheap booze. This place was unbelievable. I love seafood anyways, but man, just awesome stuff. I even ate crawfish, which I swore a month or so ago that I would never do because "they smell nasty". The lesson, as always: you get enough shiraz in me, I'll try anything once.
* I woke up at 5:18am on Sunday morning. I was ready for some football. Too bad the Chiefs weren't.
* When I walked out the hotel door to start loading up the cars, about 6:15am, my glasses fogged up, it was so humid outside already. Let that one sink in: 6:15am, in September, and its already so hot outside, that going from air conditioning to natural air fogs the glass. I freaking love Texas ...
* Gates open down there at 8am. We got in line about 7:20am. And we weren't even close to being the first cars in line. This sets up the 2nd great theme of the weekend, after the "its always hot enough that the pool is an option" storyline. The tailgating.
* Met some really nice Texans fans that wound up parking behind us. These folks, well ... I don't often say this about another franchise, but man, these fans deserve a winner down there. Because ...
* I can't believe I am about to type this, but Texans tailgating is every bit as good as it is at Arrowhead, if not even better. I'm not joking. For starters, you can park wherever the hell you want inside the lot you have a pass for. No stupid security people holding tape forcing you to the front of the lot. As a result, our group of 8 people wound up becoming a group of over 40 Chiefs fans within 20 minutes of the gates opening.
* the fans there are really into their tailgating too. I walked the Blue lot (about the size and same location of Lot G, where I tailgate at Arrowhead) a little bit in search of a bathroom, and man, by 8:45, that lot was completely full front to back. Grills going, washers being tossed, footballs being thrown, beers and other adult beverages being consumed, music blaring from about 100 different stereo systems, just a great, great atmosphere.
* Texans fans could not have been nicer. More than one fan actually came up to all of us to take pictures and point out that they think its awesome that a fanbase could love its team enough to travel in the numbers that Chiefs fans do.
* the actual temperature was 91 degrees at 8am. Factor in the humidity, the ozone, and the lack of cloud cover, and it felt like 100 early on. I've always said that any day when its hot enough, that the first thing in your head that morning is "screw it, its too hot for a shirt today", that is a perfect Steve day. Sunday was just about as perfect as it gets.
* By my count, I had 8 Shiner Blonde's, 2 Diet Coke 16oz bottles half filled with whiskey, and a Bloody Mary in a can. (Awesome invention, by the way. Can't believe someone didn't think of that one sooner ...) Plus a glass of champagne for the toast to start the season. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!
* About 11am, these two really good looking female Chiefs fans come walking down our aisle. I mean, the drool coming down my chin had to be visible, they were that good looking. Or I'm that desperate. Anyways, they stop and are talking to us for a while, and then the one girl looks at me, and goes "wow, you look hot!" I was like "sweet! Who needs to exercise when girls this good looking think I'm hot!" Clearly, this was gonna be my day!
Sadly, she walked over and handed me one of those Texans power towels, and I realized she was referring to the fact that I was starting to get sunburned, and I was sweating a lot. But I won't let that stop me, I'm taking her words as a compliment. Therefore, I am no longer a 30 year old (self described) hot as hell dude. Its now official: I am hot as hell!
* Headed in about 11:20am. The security was beyond ridiculous. The Texans had called for a "white out" of the stadium (which made identifying Chiefs fans easier, since we all showed up in red). Basically, anyone in white wasn't getting patted down, while anyone in red was. It was a cheap, obvious stunt to delay us from turning the anthem and the introductions into Arrowhead South. And I commend the Texans security and front office personnel for thinking it up. Genius at work. Here's hoping Carl employs those tactics for the Raiders game ...
* page 30 of the program, there is a hysterical picture of dan reeves. I'm guessing he'd blow a .23 at the moment the picture was snapped. And I feel I'm a pretty accurate judge of people when it comes to blood alcohol content levels ... not that I'd blow a .15 at any given moment ...
* also kind of cool in the program: they have listed every single Texans draft pick, free agent signing, and player transaction in franchise history. Always kind of neat to see the big time goofs (and big time hits) by a team's front office.
* I did almost gag at the article on kyle shanahan. I know lots of people whose wives / girlfriends / friend with benefits / one night stands have perfectly healthy babies. No need to eat up 2 pages in a gameday program going into the agonizing decision kyle faced: be at practice, or be at the birth of his kid. Please. The kid has Satan's bloodline in it, you might as well stick around the training facility ... (in case you hadn't put two and two together, kyle is mike shararat's son ...)
* Reliant Stadium: the pictures can't do it justice. Television, even in HD, can't convey how amazing that facility is. I have never been to a nicer, more awe inspiring sporting arena / race track than that place. Its truly the finest sporting facility imaginable. (At least until Cowboys Park in Arlington is done in 2009).
The seating layout reminds you of American Airlines Center in Dallas, but more spacious. HD video boards on all 4 sides of the field, restrooms and beer / concession stands everywhere (at cheap prices too, only $4 for a draw). The seats were wide enough to accommodate a 300 lb person easily. And the message boards on the facades around the stadium, they close caption what the PA dude and ref was saying, so that you don't have to worry about hearing stuff. Just ... I cannot even begin to describe how nice Reliant Stadium is. Everyone involved in building that place, gets the Steve Seal of Approval. Awesome, awesome sporting complex.
Especially when compared to the decrepit dump next door known as the Astrodome ...
* I don't know of anyone who was even remotely surprised that Justin Medlock missed badly on his first kick. I know I wasn't.
* I saw nothing, at any point in time, to convince me that Mike Solari knows what he's doing. Case in point, the opening drive of the 2nd half. (To be fair, I have yet to rewatch this sequence, but still, like that's stopped me before).
We all know the Chiefs played horribly in the first half. Yet its still a manageable 10-0 game. My boy Benny Sapp takes the kickoff, runs it out to near midfield (if I remember right, he got it to our 46 yard line). Chiefs are in business. After a LJ run and an incompletion, its 3rd and 7. You simply CANNOT waste this field position. What does Solari call? A quick 3 step drop dumpoff to Kris Wilson at the line of scrimmage.
(steve sighing in disgust) Look it, I didn't think it was a fumble, because Wilson didn't make a football move, and you can even argue he never had possession. So the pass should have been ruled an incompletion, and we should have punted, down 10-0, instead of receiving a kickoff down 17-0. But that's not the point here. The point is, why in the hell are we calling dumpoffs on 3rd and 7 at midfield, down by 10? Are you kidding me? Samie Parker was actually catching the ball, you mean we don't have an 8 yard out pattern for that guy? We don't have a 9 yard pitch and catch to Gonzalez? What in the hell was Mike Solari thinking there?
And that's not the only questionable play call on Sunday. Its bad enough we have to overcome an offensive line that can't pass protect, and wide receivers who are 50/50 to make the catch on a good day. But asking Damon Huard to overcome those obstacles, plus a freaking retard doing the play calling? Its not possible. Its simply not possible.
And yes, the "Mike Must Go!" request is up in huge letters on my dry erase board here at work, and the "Can So-Lar-I" chant me and Monte had going in the 4th quarter on Sunday is in print on the dry erase board on the fridge at home. I'm telling you, I'm more obsessed at this point with seeing Solari fired than with seeing Bush impeached. And I never thought that would be bumped out of the top spot on the Wish-o-Meter ...
* Herm's clock management at the end of the first half was inexcusable. Chiefs sack Schaub on 1st and 10 at the Texans 15 with 1:46 to play, with 2 timeouts left. Sets up 2nd and 21 at their own 4. No timeout is called. In section 115, a (no longer self described!!!) hot as hell 30 year old is screaming for a time out. None comes. 2nd down, the Texans (correctly) run it up the middle. Gain of 2. Its now 3rd and 19 at their own 6, :57 seconds remaining. In section 115, that (its official now!!!!) hot as hell 30 year old continues to scream for a time out, and finally with :51 seconds left, a TO is called.
I am fully aware that, given how the sequence played out, we ultimately lost only about 5 seconds. (And it didn't matter anyways, since Huard got picked on our ensuing drive). But, why not call time out after first down? What if we'd forced a turnover there? What if on 3rd down the Texans had aired it out, under the Steve theory that "a 40 yard INT on 3rd and long is no worse than a punt on 4th and long"? Say Schaub airs it out, and its picked at midfield. Instead of having the ball at midfield (with no TOs) and 1:40 remaining, we'd have the ball at midfield with 1 TO and :40 remaining. Which scenario is better? I'd rather have the time than the TO in that spot. Herm, buddy, you gotta improve in this area. For all my b*tching about "former head coach", at least he had the common sense to employ Mike White, who might have been a god awful coach, but was damned good at replays and clock management. Maybe Herm should give Mike a call and see what he's up to ...
* the "Steve almost comes unglued" Moment of the Game: late 4th quarter, Chiefs down 20-3, we have 4th and 6 at midfield. Huard is running the no-huddle, and its a completion (I think it was to LJ) that sets up the 4th down play. On the Chiefs sideline, a group of about 4 special teamers, including P Dusty Colquitt, begin to jog onto the field. Thankfully, they didn't get too far. But, to even contemplate punting down 17 late in a game, is absolutely ridiculous. And if Dusty had taken the snap there, well, I would have snapped.
* the Texans cheerleaders. Good God. I thought I was watching a special group dance performance on Stripsearch on channel 595. All that was messing was the hairy dude in the helmet cam. Holy crap, they have some hot, hot cheerleaders who have no problems with showing off their, uuh, assets.
* the Texans do that annoying "first down!" chant too.
* their fans did like the "cheater! cheater!" chant. I feel like I accomplished something, I had a few of their fans around me yelling it at many of our goofs.
* they also have the lamest fight song I've ever heard. They had some 88 year old dude trying to conduct the Bullpen Band, and yeah, it just wasn't working. There's only one pep band, and only one 80 plus director of said band, worth listening to in the NFL. And it ain't the Bullpen Band.
* I was not hit by a Texans fan, punched by a Texans fan, slapped by a Texans fan, or in any way, shape, or form physically assaulted by a Texans fan. So that puts Texans fans ahead of Bengals fans. Nice ...
* After the game (I was the only one in our group who stayed to the bitter end), the walk to the car began. Go figure, it was raining. Well, it was like a misting kind of rain falling, for about 5 minutes, because then the sun came back out and it was even hotter out than before. Man I love Texas. I want to move back!
Anyways, after enduring your typical taunts and putdowns, I make it back to the car, and these Texans fans who had tailgated across the aisle from us (fun people) come up, and this one guy who I'd made a bet with was like "ok, time to pay up". Our bet was, if the Chiefs won, he had to wear a Chiefs t-shirt for the postgame tailgate, and if the Texans won, I had to wear a Texans one. Kind of like one of those soccer jersey exchanges, I guess. So I put it on, let him take his pics, then took it back off, because it was just too freaking hot out. But anyways, he then goes "so, how does it feel". And I was like "huh?" And he goes "how does it feel, to lose to the worst team in football?"
Let that one sink in. We lost to a team described by their own die hard fans as "the worst team in football". Your 2007 Kansas City Chiefs!
* If we lose Sunday, and its probably a safe bet that we will, I say that unless it is a perfect weather day, there will be at least 15,000 no shows at the home opener. If we get blown out Sunday, that number might hit 20,000.
* the drive home Monday sucked. It rained the whole way back. Plus, coming back here meant I had to leave Texas. (steve fighting back tears ...) On the bright side, since next year is the last year for Texas Stadium, we all agreed we gotta make one last journey into that place, for either the Redskins or the 49ers next year. So, at least I'm guaranteed a return trip next fall.
* finally, a fearless early prediction for this weekend: Nebraska 24, USC 20. Bill Callahan knows what he's doing. He's been gearing to this game, this moment, for 2 years now. Saturday night, Nebraska returns to its place among football's royalty, and jumps head first into legitimate national championship conversation ...
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