three quartered ass week three predictions

The Statisticals.

* Last Week SU: 14-2-0.

* Season to Date SU: 23-9-0.

* Last Week ATS: 6-10-0.

* Season to Date ATS: 15-18-1.

* Last Week Upset / Week: yikes.

* Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 0-2-0.

* Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 0-2-0.

* This Week Upset / Week: Bears (+3 1/2) over "Shane" Falcons.

The Non-Chiefs Predictions.

Let's rank the games this week, from 15 (most unwatchable) to 1 (most watchable).  (Note: in case the section head didn't clue you in, the Chiefs get their own pick section, hence only 15 games to rank.)  

And to accomplish this ... yeah, we gotta.  It's been a while.  Those of you familiar with these picks, know how these rankings are going to work.  Might as well try to give you the $0.00 in content you come here to read once a week, at least once this month.

Because, after all ...

* "Good Times Game O' The Week": at Colts (-10 1/2) 41, Jets 13.  Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  (Na na na na na!)  Good Times!!!!!!!!!

For those unfamiliar with the Sh*-Sit-Com Ranking System from years past, the worst games on the board would be designated the (insert god awful 70s /80s sh*t-sit-com here) Game O' The Week, because any person with an IQ above room temperature would rather watch three straight hours of this "classic" sitcom, than watch even one second of this NFL offering.

(The joke, of course, being that I actually like most of these sitcoms, especially "Good Times" at the beginning, and especially "Benson" at the ending.  But whatever.  They're all sh*t-sit-com-tacular!)

Get ready America -- the Jets are in prime time next week.  At (likely) 0-3.  Against another (likely) 0-3 team.  On a short week to boot.  Jesus.  What did I ever do to deserve this?

* "ALF Game O' The Week": 49ers (-5) 27, at Giants 3.  It is truly sad how far this once epic rivalry has fallen.

* "Empty Nest Game O' The Week": at Browns (-7) 31, Redskins 20.  Not even friends, family, and paid to attend media want a part of this action.

* "Webster Game O' The Week": at Jaguars (-3) 27, Dolphins 20.  This actually is one of the toughest games on the board to prognosticate.  Seriously.  These are two fairly evenly matched teams.  If (when?) Miami loses this one, they have to start thinking it's Tua Time.  And no, I didn't say Tuna (rimshot!).

* "Too Close For Comfort Game O' The Week": at "Super" Chargers 20, Panthers (+7 1/2) 14.  Speaking of too close for comfort, Tyrod Taylor and a physician's needle everyone (rimshot!).  (Pause).  What, too soon?

In all seriousness, this site wishes Mr. Taylor all the best.  Because we saw Justin Herbert last Sunday.  And he ain't Herbert the Pervert from "Family Guy", that's for sure.  Get back on the field soon, Tyrod!  We miss you taking your team out of contention before kickoff!

* "Mama's Family Game O' The Week": Bears (+3 1/2) 24, at "Shane" Falcons 14.  We're about two more losses from the lights going out in Dan Quinn's employment status, let alone the state of Georgia.

* "Blossom Game O' The Week": at "Super" Cardinals (-6) 35, Lions 20.  The Arizona "Super" Cardinals are about to go to 3-0, with the Panthers (at home) and Jets (on the road) up next.  We are living in a world where it is highly probable the Arizona "Super" Cardinals will be 5-0 going to Dallas in a month for their Monday Nighter against the Cowboys.

There's only one word to accurately describe that.

"Whoa!"

* "The Facts of Life Game O' The Week": at Eagles (-6 1/2) 31, Bengals 20.  You take the good!  You take the bad!  You take them both?  And then you have?

This sh*tshow.  Be it the sitcom, or the game this Sunday. 

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Note: we are now at the midpoint; every game left (seven in this section, plus the Chiefs / Ravens) I would give up three plus hours to watch every minute of.  Every game before this?  I'd opt for three plus hours of the sitcom designation.  Still, in fairness -- giving us 50% quality on-field play (or at least off-field hype) in Week Three is not bad.  Especially given every uncertainty that went into this season simply getting underway.

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* "Gimme A Break Game O' The Week": Rams (+2 1/2) 24, at Bills 21.  If there were 70,000 Bills Mafia in the stands, I'd probably wager differently.  But at an empty Ralph, in late September (pre-awful weather), I'll take the SoCal kids to not crack the stadium floor.  I mean, if Nell Carter managed to avoid doing that for six years, surely the Rams can for six hours, right?  

* "Night Court Game O' The Week": Texans (+3 1/2) 26, at Steelers 17.  The fact this line is less than four means way too many gamblers agree with me, that Houston is really underrated (or the Steelers are really overrated, or both) coming into this one.  The Texans are not 0-2 bad -- facing the Chiefs and Ravens tends to do that to you.  The Steelers are not 2-0 good -- facing the Giants and those people tends to do that to you.  If there's a God, somehow Markie Post either sings the Anthem or tosses the coin.  Ms. Post has to be involved in this contest somehow.  Because we all need some Markie Post in our lives.

* "Designing Women Game O' The Week": Titans (-2 1/2) 28, at Vikings 17.  What?  Derrick Henry has a lil' Julia "I Don't Take Sh*t From Nobody" Sugarbaker in him!  

* "Diff'rent Strokes Game O' The Week": at those people (+6) 20, Buccaneers 19.  There is not one sane, sensible reason for this pick.  

Other than this:

And this:

And this:

Provided mentally challenged those people head coach vic fangio doesn't f*ck up his timeouts again, I'll take the home team with its' back to the wall, against the road team starting a quarterback my age, a mile high above sea level.

Hey.  Diff'rent Strokes for Diff'rent Folks.

* "Small Wonder Game O' The Week": at Seahawks (-5) 41, Cowboys 13.  The Cowboys would be 0-2 if anyone other than Dan Quinn or vic fangio coached the "Shane" Falcons.  And quite frankly, I think even vic fangio is smart enough to coach his players to touch an onside kick when it's right in front of you.  The Seahawks pounded Dan Quinn's "Shane" Falcons, and survived the Patriots by showing the common sense to know a last-play attempt to tie at the two would put the ball in Cam Newton's hands.

This one smells like a game that spirals out of control early, and really spirals out of control late.

* "Amen Game O' The Week": at Saints 21, Packers (+3 1/2) 20.  Drew Brees is not washed up, nor is he showing its' age.  The raiders defense simply showed its' talent.

* "Benson Game O' The Week": at Patriots 31, raiders (+6 1/2) 28.  I believe I severely underrated the raiders this season.  (I have them going 8-8, albeit controlling their own destiny entering the finale at fake mile high.)  I also believe I underrated the Patriots this season.  (I have them going 9-7, winning the AFC East, then getting destroyed yet again in the Wild Card game.)  This, on paper, is going to be one wildly entertaining contest.  Thank you, KCTV-5, for carrying this one.

And yes, complimenting -- let alone thanking -- Channel 5 for anything related to Chiefs coverage, is something I never imagined I'd do again in my lifetime.

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The "Klassy" Kevin Kietzman Tweet O' The Week.

Admit it, life just isn't the same without my weekly (coach don fambrough voice) throwdown, hoedown, showdown, takedown of Senor No Los Pantalones.

In case you all missed it, Ol' Kietz has gotten back into broadcasting following his long overdue kick to the curb by Union Broadcasting last summer.  He has a podcast up called -- and no folks, this is not a joke -- a podcast up called "Kevin Kietzman Has Issues".

I mean, talk about setting up the (rimshot!)!  That would be the equivalent of me launching a podcast called "Stevo Is An Alcoholic".  I believe that would simply be called "stating the obvious".

Anyway, it's actually a pretty good podcast, considering the author, and I encourage you to give it a shot, especially the episode where Kaptain Klassy lays out his side of his, uuh, layoff.

And for this week, that's it.  Let's all be thankful "K"KK is back, and do our part to help him keep spewing out the inept, incompetent, "these make no sense whatsoever!" takes that defined Klueless Kev's thirty plus years on Kansas City's television and radio airwaves.

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The Tailgating AND Watching Party Plans.

So here's the thing.  For those of you who don't know me ... count your blessings!  Nah, I kid.  For those of you who don't know me, I am a twenty plus year Chiefs season ticket holder (with the lovely hat from last season to prove it!), and believe me when I say, there were few games I ever anticipated more in my life, than that opener against Houston a couple weeks ago.

I anticipated a fun day of tailgating on a lovely 90 degree early September afternoon, a solid fifteen minute cry / section area hug when the Championship Flag was raised, and a thoroughly enjoyable 41-14 beatdown of the overmatched Texans, witnessed from my beloved seat in Section 132, Row 26, Seat 14.

I got none of that.  For starters it was barely 50 and rained all day here in Kansas City on September 10th.  Secondly, the Texans were feisty enough to make the game "entertaining" for most of the evening.  And finally, the closest I came to my seat on September 10th was when I went straight through (pick one) the intersection of 63rd and Blue Ridge Cutoff, or the intersection of 63rd and Raytown Trafficway, on the way to my Second Parents house.

Because COVID 19, coupled with numerous other bullsh*t, has (stewie griffin voice) roo-eened the in-person experience for myself, most (if not all) of my tailgating group and other season ticket holding friends, and no doubt a lot of you, for this 2020 season.

I finished paying the Chiefs for my seat on June 15th.  I allowed the Chiefs to roll forward, per their "agreement" with us Season Ticket Members, all monies paid for my seat to the 2021 season, thus requiring me to re-buy a seat I've already paid for, at approximately 400% more than I already paid to sit there.

And to that I say ... I'm OK with it.  

Because while spending a Lazy Sunday floating poolside with friends, family, friends that are family, and a few random dudes and dudettes who showed up, we hit upon our plan for the 2020 NFL Season.

Screw paying the Chiefs, the NFL, and anyone else a 400% markup on seats we've already bought and paid for.

We'll HomeGate the entire season.

And rotate it, amongst our tailgate friends, family, friends that are family, and random one-offs who show up just for the f*ck of it.

Which is what we began, two weeks ago, against the Texans.  And to be fair, the "HomeGate" sucked, not because of any fault of ours, but because it was 50 and raining.  Who in their right mind wants to be outside playing Beer Pong or Washers or Cornhole in the rain?  (And spare me the "use the garage!" rebuttal.  You've never seen my Second Parents' Garage.  They can't even fit a car in there, it's so packed in.)  But the food was good, we made (dave matthews band voice) the best of what's around, and most importantly, got to spend time with our local tailgating folks while enjoying a Chiefs win.

Which is what we did again Sunday, up at Tom and Laurie's.  The menu for the opener was "Watson's Whataburgers", or as most of you would refer to them as, Sloppy Joe's.  The menu for Sunday was Charger Chicken; you don't f*ck with the "Core Three" tailgating menus.  (Those being Charger Chicken, raider ribs, and bronco burgers.)

This Monday, we'll be at Gus' for the HomeGate.  The menu as of now is pulled pork and sides, plus whatever liquid refreshment you desire.  Weather permitting, we'll be outside.  As always, anyone and everyone is welcome to join in; just DM me if you need directions.

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The Chiefs Prognostication.

Well this sucks.

For the record, I should be typing this either on a plane headed to Baltimore, or from a hotel room somewhere along the Baltimore waterfront.  This was one of three Chiefs road games I had planned to attend in person this season -- with a fourth trip to our "good friends" who allegedly play a mile high above sea level always on the table.

(The other two would have been a nice half month vacation in December -- fly to South Florida for the Dolphins game, spend a week headed along the Gulf coast, slowly yet steadily, until arriving in New Orleans for the Saints game, before heading home via Dallas for a few days to get home for Christmas.  Damn you, COVID 19!  God d*mn you to the eighth layer of hell!  (Or, as that layer is known on this site: fake mile high stadium.))

Yeah, this sucks.  I mean, (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, when Mr. Reason / Jasson / bts and I (or some combination of us) went on road trips, the big deal was the pregame meal the night before the game.  We were all in our 20s, all but Jasson amongst us had no family or kid commitments, and we tried to do it up right.  Always picked a classy, high dollar restaurant ... and of course, showed up trashy in Chiefs jersey, zubaz pants or shady blue jeans (or in my case, khakis that had seen better days -- I don't wear jeans), that on most Saturday or Sunday nights would have gotten us kicked out of the joint ... only there were so many other Chiefs fans there with the same idea, the restaurant had to let us in.

To this day, it's a tradition I try to maintain.  Any road trip to Houston means Willie G's the night before the game.  Any roadie to Dallas requires some Uncle Julio's.  (Which may not be the classiest Mexican joint in the Metroplex ... but it's the best.)  There's an awesome fish market called Mitchell's just across from the stadium in Cincinnati.  St. Elmo's in Indy.  Giordano's in Chicago.

I was so looking forward to some same day oysters on the shell, with some fresh crab cakes, or a clam bake, coupled with a couple bottles of insanely overpriced Pinot Grigio on Sunday night.  I was looking forward to spending Saturday in our nation's Capital, a place I haven't been to since pre-9/11.  I was looking forward to seeing the Inner Harbor, possibly catching a game at Camden Yards (I believe the Orioles were supposed to close their 2020 season at home under the initial 2020 MLB schedule), see the home of Edgar Allan Poe (not to be confused with David Allan Coe).  So many plans to cram into so little time, and none of it going to happen.

All due to a virus noone on planet Earth had heard of one year ago today, let alone nine months ago today.

As John Lennon once famously wrote and sang: "life is what happens to you, when you're busy making other plans".

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So ... having gotten that rant out of the way, let me note why there was no "The Flashback" this week.

Because the obvious flashback is Week Four, 2004.  And that frankly, is a period of time I have no desire to relive.

That Monday Nighter was the last game of my Chiefs fandom as I knew it.  And even now, sixteen years later, it's amazing to realize not just all that was lost the next day, but all from that actual GameDay Night experience itself, that is probably gone forever as well.

There is nothing positive to be drawn out from "The Flashback" this week, so I pretty much chose to skip it.

If you know me?

You'll get it.

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But I do have to make a pick for this game.

For the record, this season I am 2-0 SU picking the Chiefs, and 0-2 ATS picking the Chiefs.  I thought the Texans would put up a better fight; I thought the Chargers would be beaten like the proverbial government mule Good Ol' JR was always talking when he broadcasted WWE's Monday Night Raw.

The line as I wrote it down Tuesday night was Ravens -3.  I don't expect it to move much, if at all, so I'm not going to relook it up again.  I'll stick with -3.  Which is about perfect.  (Although anyone who thinks the Ravens would cover three at a legitimate Arrowhead, is certifiably insane.)

The Chiefs have lost the last three roadies I've attended, and five of the last six, over the last three seasons.  (The only W being the Monday Nighter against those people in 2018 -- or as the figurine dangling from my rear view mirror forces you to remember, the "Left Handed Pass Game".)  Sh*t, I was in attendance the last time the Chiefs lost a game anywhere -- in Nashville last November.

Would the losing skid of me attending road games have ended Monday Night?  We'll never know.  But I know how I would have bet ... and it's why I'm betting this.

* "Perfect Strangers Game O' The Week": Chiefs (+3) 30, at Ravens 24.

week three non-chiefs picks

Last Week SU: 13-3-0.
Season to Date SU: 21-10-1.

Last Week ATS: 11-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 19-12-1.

Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 1-1-0 SU; 1-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Texans (+3) over "Super" Chargers.

The Non-Chiefs Predictions:

* Titans (-1 1/2) 13, at Jaguars 10.  I'll be tuned into "Big Brother" instead.  Also, "ALF" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Packers (-7 1/2) 28, those people 0.  For the first time since 1999, those people have opened 0-2.  For the first time since 1999, those people will open 0-3.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh yeah -- I am so getting my ass beat to a bloody pulp when I step foot inside the eighth layer of hell in four weeks.

* at Eagles 27, Lions (+6) 24.  The Lions are better than I thought.  The Eagles are about what I expected them to be.

* at Bills (-6) 34, Bengals 10.  It's only 6?  The line is only 6?  What in God's beautiful name am I missing here?  This should be at least 9, if not 10.

* "Shane" Falcons (+1 1/2) 31, at Colts 21.  Sneaky good noon matchup most of the nation will miss.  Because #BalvsKC

* at Vikings 21, raiders (+9) 20.  I damned near picked the outright upset.  You laying a touchdown and a field goal on a Kirk Cousins quarterbacked team?  'Cause I sure as f*ck ain't.  And yes, I am starting Mr. Cousins on my primary fantasy team.  #dontdraftdrunkkids

* at Patriots (-22) 74, Jets 3.  I couldn't even muster a meltdown Monday night in The Garage.  I think everyone there was waiting for it.  I couldn't muster it.  I did manage to channel 2012 Stevo and cheer as that rat bastardo trevor siemian was helped off the field, his season over.  (Pause).  Just like in 2012, as I cheered the effective end of Matt Cassel's Kansas City career, as he was carted off half-dead after a vicious hit by a Ravens defender?  I make no apologies for my reaction.

Also, no separate Jets section until this collection of embarrassment can manage to field a semi-competent team.  Emphasis on "semi".  So ... 2022?

Oh, and "Empty Nest" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Cowboys 41, Dolphins (+23) 20.  I think Josh Rosen can cover twenty three, even on the road.  Then again, I post these picks because I suck at sports wagering, so what do I know.

* Giants (+6) 31, at Bucs 20.  Daniel Jones cannot possibly be worse than Eli Manning at this point.  Can he?

* at "Super" Cardinals (-2 1/2) 27, Panthers 10.  In the words of Mr. T, "I pity the foo!" who has to watch this game.  Also, "Good Times" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Seahawks (-4) 31, Saints 20.  Only four?  Are you f*cking kidding me?

* Texans (+3) 31, at "Super" Chargers 20.  Deshaun Watson is going to tear that "Super" Chargers secondary a new one.  I can't wait to watch it unfold.

* Steelers (+6 1/2) 24, at 49ers 14.  I like Mason Rudolph.  Steelers fans are really gonna like him once this game is done.

* at Redskins (+4) 24, Bears 17.  "Wayne Allyn Root" Memorial Game O' The Week.  Also, "Webster" Game O' The Week Honors.

And finally ...

* at Browns (+3) 33, Rams 6.  I am so looking forward to watching this, actually ... and I don't really give a rat's roasted ass about either squad.  But I so want this for Browns fans.  So here is my wish to you, Browns fans: I pray -- truly hope and pray -- that Sunday is your version of football fandom, that Monday, October 6, 1991, is to me.

Coming tomorrow or Saturday, the Chiefs pontification and prognostication.  Until then, hey -- let's be careful out there ...

week three: (jessie spano voice) i'm so excited ... i'm so excited ... i'm so ...

"Tonight's the night?
We're gonna make it happen!
Tonight we'll put?
All other things aside.

Give in this time,
And show me some affection!
We're going for those pleasures?
In the night!

I want to love you!  Feel you!
Wrap myself around you!
I want to squeeze you!  Please you!
I just can't get enough!

And if you move real slow?
I'll let it go!

I'm so excited!
And I just can't hide it!
I'm about to lose control --
And I think I like it!

I'm so excited!
And I just can't hide it!
And I know, I know, I know, I know --
I want to!

We shouldn't even
Think about tomorrow;
Sweet memories
Will last a long, long time.

We'll have a good time,
Baby don't you worry!
And if we're still playing around? 
Boy that's just fine!

Let's get excited!
We just can't hide it!
We're about to lose control --
And I think I like it!

I'm so excited!
And I just can't hide it!
I know, I know, I know, I know --
I want to!  I want to! ... "

-- "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters.

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Last Week ATS: 11-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 20-11-1.

Last Week SU: 10-5-1.
Season to Date SU: 20-10-2.

Last Week Upset / Week: like there was ever a doubt.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 2-0-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 1-0-1.
This Week's Upset / Week: those people (+5 1/2) over Ravens.

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The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Picks.

* at Eagles 24, Colts (+6 1/2) 21. 
* at Panthers (-3) 24, Bengals 14.
* at Jaguars (-6 1/2) 38, Titans 12.
* at "Shane" Falcons (-3) 31, Saints 27.
* those people (+5 1/2) 31, at Ravens 10.
* at Texans (-6) 45, Giants 0.
* raiders (+3) 17, at Dolphins 6.
* at Redskins (+3) 31, Packers 28 (OT).
* at Vikings (-16) 35, Bills 13.
* at Rams 30, "Super" Chargers (+7) 27.
* Bears 6, at "Super" Cardinals (+5 1/2) 3.  "Good Times" Game O' The Week honors.
* Cowboys (+1 1/2) 21, at Seahawks 13.
* Patriots 31, at Lions (+6) 28 (OT). 
* Steelers (-1) 38, at Bucs 20.

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.

For once, Klassy Kev ain't lying.  If anything?  "K"KK is underselling the truth.  

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry over that reality.

The Watching Party Plans.

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.

The Tailgating Plans.

Here's what I know as of 2pm on Friday.

We will be in our usual spot -- the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign.  I know this, because I am somehow going to get my ass out of bed at 5am, to board The Bus, and head down about 6:15 with Anthony to reserve our spot, as well as Ron and Michelle and Ryan and Tyler's, as well as Roger and Bruce and Brad's.  #traditionsuckssometimes

The Chiefs claim the gates will open at 7am.  I'm calling bullsh*t on that; I'm betting the line to get in will be back to the offramp from 435 (west) and over the Stadium Drive Bridge (east) by 6:15, which will prompt an early opening.  I have an email in to my "highly placed anonymous source", referred to on this site as "Rufus", to confirm my suspicions about this.

(Note: because of where MAST is located, anytime Stadium Drive backs up past the gates, the Chiefs are virtually obligated to open the gates, irregardless of what time it is.  My money is on a 6:30 opening at the latest.)

The menu is 49er Foot Longs (note: you make your own) and my (not even remotely) world famous jalapeno poppers.  (Although given that every time I make them -- 150 plus each batch -- not a single one survives the tailgate?  I think I know what the f*ck I'm doing!)

Plus other assorted side dishes. 

Oh, and -- as always, (the late, great mr. william grigsby voice) Gates Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrresidential Platter! 

I have no idea what the drink of choice is (although I have a strong suspicion); irregardless of what the Drink O' The Game is, we'll have plenty of, uuh, drinks on hand.  (Plus a couple Gatorade's for the kids ... assuming Uncle Stevo doesn't run out of mixers for his vodka.  (Keep reading.)) 

I have no idea what the "Stevo Drink Game" over / under should be set at * .  I've had a sh*ttacular week at work that has seen each day progressively worse than the previous one, and haven't been as in tune and prepared as I should be for a home opener -- especially this home opener.

Oh -- and as always, anyone and everyone is welcome to join in the fun.  As always, we don't discriminate, disrespect, degrade, or refuse to tolerate anyone who desires to join us.  (Pause).  Unless you're a fan of those people.  And even then, I've granted exemptions to fans of those people before.  Even if they proved to be unworthy of said exemptions.  Whatever.  If you wanna join us, please come out and, uuh, join us.

I can inform you that the broken version of Drinko has been replaced with a new one, along with a roulette wheel shot selector, and a dart wheel shot selector has been purchased too.

Also, the broken cornhole board has been fixed.  (You're welcome.)

Hope to see y'all (jimmy buffett voice) come Sunday!

(*: the "Stevo Drink Game" was established years decades ago.  It is to guess, based on an over/under, the number of adult beverages I will have already consumed, when "The Voice of Reason" shows up at the tailgate.  

And for the purposes of this game, a "drink" is defined as either (a) a 12 oz or greater beer, (b) a 12 oz or greater mixed drink, or (c) a 2 oz or greater straight shot.  Jello shots are still an undefined grey area.  (Pause).  Hell yes, I spell grey like the Canadians do.  You got a problem with that?

Anyways, thinking this through logically ... I'll probably start no later than 6:15ish, when I head down to save our spot.  Figure two, probably three Coors Lights for that.  Tack on another Coors Light getting the stereo set up, we're up to four.  Figure two mimosa's when Alyssa makes them come 8am ... I'll set the over/under at 6.5.  (Pause).  Damned right I'd bet the over.)

Stevo's Drink O' The Week.

In case you don't live here in Kansas City, I can happily inform you that we have been above 90 degrees for a high each of the last six days and counting.  (Sadly, today marks the end of that awesome streak; we're barely reaching 70 today.)

And when it's a warm, sunny evening, there are four things I've always liked to do:

(a) haul a TV out onto the deck
(b) put on a show / movie / sporting event I want to watch
(c) light up a Macanudo Maduro, and
(d) enjoy a light libation.

Which means this week's drink of choice, was a classic.

Tito's Vodka and Lemon Lime Gatorade.

It's smooth.  It's refreshing. 

(It's Tito, for Christ's sake; what more do you need to know?)

Give it a try sometime.  At worst?  You'll regret it.  At best?  You'll have a new go-to when life drives you to drink.

The Flashback.

Most everyone would select the Captain Oats in this matchup, the Week Two 1994 showdown at Arrowhead between Joe Montana and Steve Young:



And yes, that is arguably the most hyped home-opener of my lifetime.  (It's that, or 2010 against the "Super" Chargers, the berth of the New Arrowhead.)

But the 49ers game I'll never forget occurred three years and three months later, over Thanksgiving Weekend 1997. 

For starters, you had something you only saw once in his (eventual) Hall of Fame career: Tony Gonzalez blocking a punt.

For second, you had my favorite Patrick J. Summerall call of all time, on the play immediately following Mr. Gonzalez' punt block, that set the Chiefs up at the 49ers 4:

"Marcus Allen.  Standing up!"

Jesus, I miss Pat Summerall.

But mostly, I remember that 44-9 ass kicking ** for (whitney houston voice) one moment in time.

Anthony Davis decapitating Steve Young.

I actually have a picture in one of the boxes I haven't unpacked (a mere 21 months after moving in) somewhere in the other bedroom ... but I did find the "after" picture out there via Google, and I gotta admit, the "after" picture makes me nut more than the "before" picture that I'll spend most of tonight trying to find:

(image credit: Getty Images, via Google search for "anthony davis steve young".)

I mean ... good God.  I need a cigarette and a shower right now, and not necessarily in that order.  Also, might need to reload the box of Lifestyles and get some more KY in the bed table drawer, because that box and tube o' lube?  Has just been spent.

That pic is just dirty, in as good a way as dirty can get.  Steve Young curled up in the fetal position, scared to death to move.  Anthony Davis and Tom Barndt huddled over his collapsed corpse ... and honestly, I can't tell -- are they taunting Mr. Young, or trying to help him up?  I pray it's a taunt.

(Also, I may or may not have printed out this picture with the intent to frame and hang it.  (Pause).  Bet on "may".)

In any event, I did manage to find one clip on Youtube! of this game, and here it is:



Out of every game 1997 gave us -- and in the interest of full disclosure, the 1997 Chiefs are my third favorite Chiefs team of all time, and at least as of now, the best Chiefs team I've ever watched -- out of every game 1997 gave us?

(principal jacobs in "mr. holland's opus voice") Of all the games 1997 gave us?  You're my favorite.

(**: the exact exchange -- and if I could figure out how to upload the old school sound file onto this blog, I'd do it to prove it:

(summerall) The punt is ... blocked!  The punt is blocked!  By ... by ... Gonzalez!
(madden) Woo!  Pat, this rookie!
(us in the stands) (roaring to the point of nearly drowning out the broadcast)
(summerall) 1st and goal, Kansas City.
(summerall) Marcus Allen.  Standing up!
(madden) Pat, the Kansas City Chiefs are taking the 49ers to the woodshed, and they are giving them the business!)

"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.

This week, I (ralph wiggum voice) choo-choo-choose! to use this space, to pimp two new locally opened restaurants I encourage everyone reading this, to give at least one try.

On Tuesday night, I went to try out the new Thai restaurant a couple blocks from my place, appropriately enough called Waldo Thai Place.

Now, to be fair, it ain't the late, great Swagger that used to occupy that spot in Mike's strip mall.

But to its' credit?  It's good.

I had the Grilled Mint Beef Salad ($14), which was absolutely as jaw-droppingly good as it sounds.  Mint Beef.  (Pause).  Yeah I know -- I need another cigarette and another shower, and not necessarily in that order (rimshot!)  I also had two glasses of pinot grigio with it (which is about two fewer than you would expect out of me, to be fair).  The tab was pushing $40 (thanks, pinot grigio) but it was worth it.

At worst, Waldo Thai Place is the 3rd best restaurant within a mile of 85th and Wornall.  (It isn't better than Chelly's ... but if you're looking for food rather than atmosphere, it beats Walsh's.)

Give it a try if you're ever down my way.

And then, today for lunch ... well, we had an unexpected half day at work.  (Hooray server crash!)  So on my route home, I decided to stop in and try out a place The Star had done a profile on a couple weeks ago, the Cornbread Buffet.

Those of you who know me best?  Know I'm a grazer.  You give me a huge plate of food, I'll eventually get through it.  It might take me an hour or two ... but I'll eventually clean it.

I had two plates down in less than twenty minutes today.

I know that you JoCo folks think driving to 63rd and The Paseo is like traveling to the heart of Compton.  Trust me -- it's not.  It's perfectly safe.  And if this place helps propel a redevelopment of The Landing and surrounding blighted areas *** ?  Then please help our amazing city rally that part of town, back to how it used to be.

That's this week's Local Locations Pimp Notes O' The Week.

(***: even I have to admit, had Hillary won?  We wouldn't be seeing the urban redevelopment, not just here in Kansas City, but across the country, that we are seeing over the last ten months.  Whatever one may think of Mr. Trump personally (and I'll spare you my thoughts), one has to concede, he has exposed every economic lie Barry and Hillary ever sold, for what they are: bullsh*t lies.)

The Jets Prediction.

Picking the Jets This Season:

Straight Up: 0-2-0.
Against the Spread: 0-2-0.
Upset / Week: not applicable yet.

This week's pick was?

(charlie harper voice) I've said it before and I'll say it again: boy can I pick 'em!

The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.

Picking the Chiefs This Season:

Straight Up: 2-0-0.
Against the Spread: 2-0-0.
Upset / Week: 1-0-0, both SU and ATS.

Let's begin.

--------------------

OK, first off, let's give the masses dozens tens singles of people reading this, what they want:



Now?

Let's begin.

--------------------

There's no serious pep talk coming this week.

If you actually need motivation to get excited for this game? 

Then question your credentials as a Chiefs fan.

Because this?

Is what I -- and many of you -- have waited our entire lives for.

--------------------

Come 11:50ish on Sunday morning, we are going to witness something, most of us have never seen before.

Sh*t, just because I like irrationally love this scene, let's link it, to set the stage:



--------------------

Normally, when every reputable pundit picks one team, I tend to pick the other.  Call it the "Wayne Allyn Root Contrarian Theory".  When every man and his brother thinks one thing?  Bet the other.

I have yet to see a credible pundit pick the 49ers to win this game, which frustrates me.  (tipper gore voice) Frankly? I am scared.

(Note: other than the Tiger Woods Biography, and anything involving the Sweeney Sisters?  This is my favorite SNL Sketch of all time.  Also, this is bar none, my favorite Phil Hartman character.)

But really -- I am scared.

Because I know what I think this game is going to be.

And it's exactly in line, with damned near every major pundit.

--------------------

So let's do this then.

Come 11:50ish on Sunday morning, there will be three words spoken over the public address system, that is going to cause that 142.2 record?

To look like a kid in a sandbox.

Because 207.9 is in play.

And that's not a joke.

Because the moment our PA dude announces "and at quarterback"?

Well, in the words of Eric Church:

"That old house?
Is gonna be shaking!
I hope those bricks and boards?
Can take it!

But I wouldn't be surprised?
If the whole damned place just falls!
I wanna rock ya baby?
Like a wrecking ball!"

Or, in the words of the theme to this post?

Let's get excited.

And don't try to hide it.

Lose control.

And don't fight it.

* at Chiefs (+6) 44, 49ers 9. 

week three: the tale o' the tape!

--------------------

And go figure … I forgot this week’s “Tale O’ The Tape!”, in the picks.

What an epic, epic, epic brain fart on my part.

So, in honor of what was my favorite show still in first-run production … hang on, I need a Kleenex or five, it’s really, really dusty in this room right now.  I should, uuh, dust more often … since this coming Monday will be the first time since Arnold Vinick was the overwhelming favorite to replace Jed Bartlet as the President of the United States, that there will be nothing legen … wait for it … dary going down in the 8pm ET / 7pm CT time slot on (brent musburger voice) CBS … this week’s “Tale O’ The Tape”?

Is one hell of a debate.

Because for the first time?

It’s (almost) Barney Stinson’s wet dream.

We’re having a three-way … competition.

--------------------

Because this week’s “Tale O’ The Tape” is what song, what amazing, incredible, absolutely (jaw-droppingly embarrassing) song, was Robin Sparkles’ best effort.

(Note: all episodes referenced, are available on Netflix ... and season nine of "HIMYM" is available come Tuesday.  (Pause).  You're welcome, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.  And actually, the pleasure was all mine ... and so many other fans of your greatest creation.)

(“clue” voice) Is it … the first one, “Let’s Go To The Mall”, from what is without question, the best episode “HIMYM” ever produced.  (That would be season two’s “Slap Bet”, and if you aren’t moved to nearly crying from laughing so hard at the final two scenes, then you have no appreciation for the great moments in life.)

(“clue” voice) Is it … the second one, “Sandcastles In The Sand”, from what is the episode that truly, once and for all, set the end-game for the series in motion (although nobody knew it at the time), season three’s self-titled episode.  (That features an absolutely hysterical James Van Der Beek guest-starring role … and yes, kids – that is Alan Thicke, and that is Tiffany, in the video.)

(“clue” voice) Or is it … the final one that matters, “The Beaver Song”, from season six’s “Glitter” (which, in the interest of full disclosure, isn’t the best episode “HIMYM” ever produced … but it definitely contains the series single most hysterical scene ever aired, when Ted and Barney save a spot on the couch for Robin, to watch Part Two of the “Space Teens” DVD.  

And for the record, my reaction when I watched this the first time four some odd years ago, was exactly what Ted and Barney’s was.  And I'm guessing, if you have a sense of humor?  

Your reaction will mirror mine, if you watch the linked clip above ... or have already seen it.)

--------------------

Sorry, “Push” – no room for a foursome, in this one.

--------------------

As always, let’s lay down the ground rules.

Seven questions.  Guaranteed to be a deadlocked 2-2-2 tie entering the “Question of Great Significance”.

And only one winner.

In the words of the late, great Marvin Gaye: “let’s get it on!”

--------------------

Question One: Best Music Video.

* Let’s Go To The Mall.

* Sandcastles In The Sand.

* The Beaver Song.

Winner: God, this one is tough.  Gun to my head, I gotta go with the one that set this whole epic gag in motion.  “Let’s Go To The Mall”.

Question Two: Why The Song Exists.

* Let’s Go To The Mall: because this made Robin Scherbatsky a Canadian teen pop idol … and because as she noted, “I wish it was porn; that’d be less humiliating”.

* Sandcastles In The Sand: because it was the best week and a half of Robin Sparkles life.

* The Beaver Song: because Robin and her BFF Jessica Glitter had pet beavers, and the beaver is not only the official animal of Canada, it is “an noble creature”.  (barney stinson voice) You'll get no argument here.

Winner: in an upset, “Sandcastles In the Sand”.  I know – I also thought “The Beaver Song” had this one sewn up.

Question Three: Sleaziest Sexual Innuendo Lyric In The Song.

* Let’s Go To The Mall:

“My dad says I’m too young to date,

But baby?  I don’t wanna wait!”

* Sandcastles In The Sand:

“On our favorite bench,

Where you taught me to French!”

* The Beaver Song:

I mean, my God, where do I begin.  Is it …

(“clue” voice)

“Just pick up that phone,

And I’ll be there to

Share my ice cream cone –

We’ll lick it, side by side!”  Or, is it …

(“clue” voice)

“So let’s go do,

What hungry beavers do!

It will taste so good –

We’ll gobble wood!”  Or, is it …

(“clue” voice)

“Two beavers are better than one!

They’re twice the fun – ask anyone!

A second beaver can be?  Second to none!

Two beavers are better than one!”

Winner: (stevo sighing in disgust voice) REALLY?  “The Beaver Song”.

Question Four: Does Alan Thicke, Tiffany, or The Robot Appear In The Video.

* Let’s Go To The Mall: Robot.

* Sandcastles In The Sand: Thicke, Tiffany, and Robot.

* The Beaver Song: Thicke and Robot.

Winner: “Sandcastles In The Sand”.

Question Five: Does Barney Get Bitch Slapped By Marshall Because He Thought It Was a Video Featuring Porn … wait for it … ography.

* Let’s Go To The Mall: yes.

* Sandcastles In The Sand: no.

* The Beaver Song: no … but Barney came damned close, to bitch slapping Marshall.

Winner: “Let’s Go To The Mall”.

Question Six: Reunited BFF’s Through Song.

* Let’s Go To The Mall: if the “re” wasn’t in front of “united”, it’d be yes … so no.

* Sandcastles In The Sand: you could argue yes … but I say no.

* The Beaver Song: (allard baird voice) without question – without question! – yes.

Winner: “The Beaver Song”.

And finally … as we're tied 2-2-2 between these epic classics ... I have to admit, THIS?  

Is a “if Gordon Hayward’s shot falls against Duke” Upset of Biblical Proportions …

Question Seven: Played As Robin Walked Down The Aisle To Marry Barney, In (Arguably … OK, Fine – I’d Argue It) The Most Underrated Episode This Amazing Show Ever Aired In Its' Final Season.

* Let’s Go To The Mall: nope.

* Sandcastles In The Sand: yup.

* The Beaver Song: nope.

Winner … and (disputed) Champion?

“Sandcastles In The Sand”.

Circle me stunned, Bert.

But circle me sad as well, that the Slap Bet, the Cockamouse, the Play Book, the Perfect Week, the Perfect Month, and oh yeah -- this scene below -- are over:

God above, I already miss this show ... and God above, how I hope to, uuh, God above, I have just one -- just one! -- moment in my life, like that one ...

week three: three deep breaths ...

“Let go of the fear!

Let go of the doubt!

Let go of the ones

Who try to put you down!

You’re gonna be fine!

Don’t hold it inside!

If you hurt right now?

Then let it all come out!

Breathe.  Just breathe.

Take the world off your shoulders,

And put it on me.

Breathe.  Just breathe.

Let the life that you live be

All that you need!

Breathe!  Just breathe!

Take the world off your shoulders;

Put it on me!

Breathe!  Just breathe!

Let the life that you live be

All that you need!

Let go of the fear!

Let go of the doubt!

Let the life that you live be

All that you need!

Let go of the fear!

Let go of the doubt!

Take the world off your shoulders;

Put it on me!

Breathe! …”

-- “Breathe” by Ryan Star.  (Pause).  I think you’re gonna like this one folks.  I really, really think, you’re gonna like this one …

--------------------

Last Week ATS: 7-9-0.  Sadly, this was an improvement.

Season to Date ATS: 13-19-0.  At 40.6%, it's still better than where my fantasy teams are at right now.

Last Week SU: 10-6-0.  Embarrassing.

Season to Date SU: 18-14-0.  Hideous.

Last Week "Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week: well hot damn!

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" U/W ATS: 1-1-0.

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" U/W SU: 1-1-0.

This Week's "Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week: broncos (+4 1/2) over Seahawks.  

--------------------

The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs, Fling It And See What Sticks Best Efforts:

(Note: as always, all lines pulled from Stevo's Site Numero Dos' official pigskin oddsmaker, Danny Sheridan, via USA Today.)

* at Falcons 24, Bucs (+6 1/2) 21.  As tweeted last night to get on the record.  Actual score?  "Shane Falco"ns 56, Chiefs Former AFC West Rival 14.  (Pause).  We're off to one spectacular start, to the week three prognostications.

* at Bills (-2 1/2) 27, "Super" Chargers 20.  We live in a world in which there's a decent chance that Buffalo will be 3-0, and Indy will be 0-3.  My head hurts just thinking about that.  The Bills 3-0 for the first time since ... uuh ... gee ... uuh ...

* Cowboys (-1) 28, at Rams 7.  At least neither team will go 0-16.  In the Rams case, that was definitely in play, before last week.

* at Eagles (-6 1/2) 38, Redskins 13.  Joe Theismann is walking in that door, Redskin fans ... but sadly for you (and for anyone God granted the sense of hearing to), it's the door to the broadcast booth. 

* at Giants (+2) 26, Texans 21.  I ask this with all due sincerity -- can anyone recall the last time a team coming off a 2-14, L14 season was FAVORED in each of its first three games, the following season?  Also, this is your "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week"!

* at Saints (-10) 45, Vikings 6.  The last time Matt Cassel started a game in the Superdome?  Was one of the most "what the hell just happened here" games I've ever experienced, as a Chiefs fan.  (The Chiefs won in overtime, despite never having led for 0:00 in the game, 27-24.)  I don't think QB Fetal Position is going to have a chance, to rally the troops this week, like he did two years ago, on this exact weekend.  Also, "Webster Game O' The Week"!

* at Bengals (-6 1/2) 28, Titans 20.  Now THAT was the Tennessee Titans only K.S. "Bud" Adams Jr. could support by raising two middle fingers in salute to his squad!  (Rest in peace Bud.  (Pause).  I trust you're enjoying a few six packs a day, of your name sake, in the great beyond -- like you no doubt did, in this life.)

* at Browns (+1 1/2) 27, Ravens 20.   Not even my friend Cooksey is going to believe what I'm about to type ... but if you're looking for a "whoa, where the hell did they come from?" playoff sleeper in the AFC?  The Browns sit 1-1.  Their next seven weeks?  vs Ravens / bye / at Titans / vs Steelers / at Jags / vs raiders / vs Bucs.  There's at least four wins in there ... if not six.

* Packers (+2 1/2) 34, at Lions 20.  When was the last time the Lions were favored over Green Bay, even in our ol' buddy "Screw You" Pete King's proverbial neutral field in Wichita?  Year four of the Wayne Fontes Experience?

* at Jaguars (+7) 24, Colts 20.  It's Blake Bortles time, Jags.  It's Blake Bortles time.

* at Patriots (-14) 47, raiders 2.  (Pause).  It's time.

Hit It!

"Good Times!  Anytime you need a payment?

Good Times!  Anytime you need a friend?

Good Times!  Anytime you're out from under?

Not gettin' hassled!  Not gettin' hustled!

Keepin' yo' head above water!

Makin' a wave when you can!

Temporary layoffs?  Good Times!

Easy credit ripoffs?  Good Times!

Scratchin' and survivin'?  Good Times!

Hangin' in a chow line?  Good Times!

Ain't we lucky we got 'em?

(Na Na Na Na Na) Good Times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sadly, this game isn't so terrible, that it gets the rarely heard second verse.)

(stevo ducking empty whiskey bottles hurled at him by "undocumented worker" raider fans out on parole for the weekend, at that previous statement.)

Fine.  Hit It!

Just starin' out of the window,

Watchin' the asphalt grow.

Wonderin' why it all feels

Hand me down (Good Times!)

Yeah!  (Good Times!)

Keepin' yo head above water!

Makin' a wave when you can!

Temporary layoffs?  Good Times!

Easy credit ripoffs?  Good Times!

Scratchin' and survivin'?  Good Times!

Hangin' in a chow line?  Good Times!

Ain't we lucky we got 'em?

(Na Na Na Na Na)  Good Times!!!!!!!!!!

* at "Super" Cardinals (+3) 27, 49ers 24.  Because life?  Is always great.  Especially inside a Super 8 motel bathroom, in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area, thirteen years ago next month.  Sadly, "The Klassy One" missed his chance to tell one of the Village's finest, that he could pull his pants up now, on that occasion.  Truly sad.  Could have been a small measure of redemption for Ol' Kev.

* broncos (+4 1/2) 41, at Seahawks 35.  Report: Stevo can't wait to wave "buh bye" to wes welker, as he's concussed out of the game yet again, hopefully for the next to last time in his career.  (Hey, I want to end that a-hole's career on the sacred turf of Arrowhead in 72 days.)

And just in case you missed it, john elway's son was convicted in a court of law of domestic abuse and assault earlier this week on his girlfriend.  (carl peterson voice) The elways.  All class.  Except without the c, and without the l.  I know I personally cannot wait to disgrace for all eternity make the family proud for all eternity, by whizzing on that man's tombstone someday.  The sooner that day arrives, the better.

(True story time!  On Friday afternoons, usually once a month, we have Movie Time in "department I work for", and today was the day for September.  It's actually a pretty cool little deal -- the videos the "company I work for" wants us to watch, but nobody has time to do it, we watch in this setting, enjoying some popcorn and candy and liquid refreshment of a non-adult variety.  Today's final video was a feature on some risk management conference we threw a few months ago ... in denver.  And go figure, one of the nights featured a tour of fake mile high, dinner and dancing at their in-house entertainment area, and of course, that "heaving penis" of a mascot of theirs and peyton manning were present.  (Pause).  You're damned right I started booing when those two things appeared on the screen.  Brought the house down.  The lesson?  It's never unfashionable to boo the devil, and his mascot.)

* at Panthers (-3) 34, Steelers 21.  One of the few duds on NBC's schedule.  And really, this isn't a horrible dud.  More like a makeshift landmine.

The Poem:

There is no The Poem this week, due to this being a Chiefs road game.

The Tailgating Plans:

There is no The Tailgating Plans this week, due to this being a Chiefs road game. 

The Watching Party Plans:

As of this posting, there are no The Watching Party Plans in place yet.

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week:

I'm giving the Klassy One a pass this week.  This is the rare week he didn't say anything, worth commenting on.

"The Voice of Reason"'s, uuh, Reason:

To be posted if and when said reason is submitted.  As always, will only be edited by me for font and text size.

The Jets Pigskin Prognostication:

In case you thought your Sunday last week was bad?  In the span of seventeen seconds, I flipped from the Chiefs horrific fourth and goal playcall (no Kelce?  Really?  No scrambling option?  Really?) ... to marty effing mornhinweg calling a timeout that negated the tying score in Lambeau for the Jets on fourth and goal.

If you're any kind of a fan of football, and any kind of a fan of unintentional comedy, please, tune in any time the Jets call timeout Monday night.  And for the record, I have no clue in hell, how the Jets are favored.

* Bears (+2 1/2) 28, at Jets 17.

The "Further Proof Stevo Is Right and There Is No Such Thing As Conicidence" Moment O' The Week:

I have missed two -- and exactly two -- home games in the last fifteen years.  In 2008 and in 2011 ... both against the Miami Dolphins.  In 2008, this was your gametime weather conditions.  Say it with me peoples and peepettes: there isn't a chance in hell itself I'm going outside for eight hours to watch a 2-12 squad play.  Even if Stevo's Site Numero Dos' Official Favorite Quarterback (Emeritus) Chadwick Pennington is on the field.

And 2011?  I was stuck waiting a weather delay in the beautiful Fort Lauderdale aeropuerto, and didn't land at KCI until the game was already underway. 

The Chiefs Pred … Wait, What?  What The Hell Is This? Section:

--------------------

So, Royals fans – are you ready for this?

(Essentially) ten to play.  (Essentially) one back in the division; (essentially) one up in the wildcard.  With the first place Tigers coming to town for the final three home games of the season.

This season just doesn’t seem imaginable.  2003 was unreal.  Meaningful baseball in August.  Maybe 1994 would have been; we’ll never know.  

But this?  Meaningful baseball during Week Three?  In Kansas City?  For the home team?

Unbelievable.

Every game this weekend is nationally televised – on The Deuce tonight, FOX on Saturday, TBS on Sunday.  (And as an added bonus, you can buy the ability to watch every single remaining game of the season, for every team, at MLB.com for the incredibly high and outrageous price of two dollars and ninety nine cents.  That is not a typo – you can have the Tigers game pulled up on the laptop or tablet, the Royals on your flat screen, for less than you’d pay for a coffee at Starbucks.  What a country we live in!)

I mean, reread the first sentence of that last paragraph.  Every game this weekend is nationally televised – on three separate networks!  When in the name of Ed Hearn has that ever happened?

And what in the name of Chico “No Pants” Lind is going on here?

--------------------

I moved back here after college fifteen years ago, sixteen come December 21^st.  I’ve been gainfully employed for all but about nine of those months, and to be fair, the last layoff a little less than nine years ago (that lasted four months), I didn’t even look for a job for 2 ½ of those months.

I have never experienced a workplace environment, like my area of the department the last three to four weeks.  It’s … it’s unreal.  I’m usually the last one to arrive, usually around 7:40ish.  And once I walk in the door, and grab my huge glass of Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Official Non-Adult Libation, Gold Peak Iced Tea (unsweetened – yeah, it’s that damned good.  Don’t even need the Equal!) the fun begins.

Because for the next forty five to fifty minutes, it’s all of us grouping up around Dale’s desk, and recapping the insanity of the night before.  And our boss is as active a participant, as any of us.

This, peoples and peepettes?  This is what I couldn’t convey properly twenty years ago, when the Rangers broke through with three division titles during my four years in the Metroplex.  There is nothing in sports like a pennant race, and there is nothing as epic as a pennant race, with your team in it.

Nobody in my generation, has ever experienced this.  I was eight when the Royals last made the playoffs.  I turn thirty eight in 106 days.  I have no conscious memory of the Boyz N Blue playing in October.  Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Tony Alamo were still credible men of the cloth, the last time the Royals reached the postseason.  Hell, Jan Crooks* had pink hair the last time this happened!  (Pause).  Oh wait.  She still has pink hair.  Never mind.

And now, there’s a very realistic chance, the impossible dream that none of us have ever experienced, is a mere ten days away. 

A walk around the office today revealed just how crazy this season has made us here in this fine metropolitan area.  I counted a solid six to one ratio, Royals to Chiefs gear, on today.  Even I didn’t wear the Friday traditional yellow-and-gold Chiefs long-sleeve shirt today; I hauled out the Bo Jackson t-shirt.

Enjoy this weekend.  Treasure it, win or lose.  This, Royals fans?  This next ten days?

Is what EVERY OTHER FANBASE IN THE SPORT has experienced (successfully) at least once, since we last did.  (Because every other team in the sport has made the postseason, since the Royals last did.)

Our little tyke is growed up!

--------------------

(*: I’ve said it before: there’s comedy, there’s high comedy, and there’s TBN.  If you ever want a good non-stop laugh, tune to TBN.)

-------------------- 

I cannot wait to turn the television to The Deuce tonight.  I cannot wait to see what the K looks like tonight.  I remember every detail of Game Three at the Ballpark in Arlington eighteen years ago.  I remember the absolute “it’s prom night, and I’m finally getting laid!” expressions of joy, of shock, of sheer pleasure, on the face of damned near everyone there that night.  Hell, I had that expression on there that night, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the Rangers.  I just loved seeing Vineet’s reaction to everything – the Anthem, the first pitch, the first run, the pressure of the ninth (that John Wetteland cracked under, after Darren Oliver pitched the game of his career, to get the Rangers to the ninth up 2-1).  Everything about that night was magical.

Which is exactly what these next three days, these next ten days, and then beyond is going to be – nothing short of magical.

And then realize this, Royals fans – as epic as these next ten days may turn out to be?  As gut-wrenching, as euphorically awesome, as totally stressful and amazing and incredible these next ten days promise to be? 

It’s going to feel like a NFL preseason game, compared to what is coming October 1^st.

--------------------

"Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I always take three deep breaths".  -- The Mother.

"Three deep breaths?" -- Robin.

"Sometimes, three deep breaths changes everything". -- The Mother.

From when The Mother meets Aunt Robin, the next to last episode of (hang on, it's getting a lil' dusty in here realizing it's over) "How I Met Your Mother".

(Sadly, no Youtube! clip.  Virtually all season 9 clips have been purged.  I'm guessing due to the DVD release of season 9, on Tuesday.)

--------------------

I don’t have an inspirational Chiefs post for this week’s pick.  Chiefs (+3 ½) 27, at Dolphins 17, simply because Alex Smith trumps Ryan Tannehill in everything except the trophy wife category, and Knile Davis is going to part the Dolphins D like Moses parted his namesake back in the day.

--------------------

Take three deep breaths, folks.  Take three deep breaths.

Because everything we've ever known about our Boyz N Blue?  

Is about to change forever.

--------------------

Treasure these next ten days.  Enjoy the hell out of them.  Embrace them.  

Because if you can’t enjoy these next ten days?  Then you don’t have a pulse.

If you can’t get into these next ten days?  Question your fanhood.

And if you wind up shedding as many tears – both in pleasure and in pain, both in sorrow and in joy, both in tragedy and in triumph – if you wind up shedding as many tears as this (still awesomely) hot as hell 37 year old blogger dude?

Be proud of it.

Be damned proud of it

And then be something even better than proud.

Be Royal.

You’re damned right I’m choking up proof reading what I just wrote …