Showing posts with label week twelve picks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label week twelve picks. Show all posts

Thursday, November 26, 2020

week twelve picks

The Statisticals.

Last Week SU: 8-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 98-62-1.

Last Week ATS: 7-7-0.
Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6.

Last Week Upset / Week: rock bottom.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 3-10-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 4-9-0.
This Week Upset / Week: Patriots (+2 1/2) over "Super" Cardinals.

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The Week Twelve Picks.

Bye: none.

Thanksgiving Day:

* at Lions (+3) 17, Texans 13.  Coach Baffoon vs Matt Patricia -- two turkeys not even God can pardon for their utter and total coaching incompetence.  Although Deshaun Watson against Matt Stafford is at least cranberry sauce good enough to tune in ... until KU and Gonzaga tips off around the eight minute to go mark in the first half.

* Redskins (+3) 24, at Cowboys 20.  A battle of two 3-7-0 teams in which the winner takes over first place!  Your NFC Least everyone!

Sunday:

* at Steelers (-4 1/2) 27, Ravens 17.  Hear me out on this: Lamar Jackson is this century's Kordell Stewart.  Everyone forgets Kordell led the Steelers to 12 wins and an AFC Title Game in 1997, garnering some MVP support.  Then he stumbled to .500 in 1998, and was benched by 2000.  The trajectory for Lamar is looking frighteningly similar.  Of course, the big difference between the two is that gun to his head, Kordell Stewart could throw the ball more than fifteen yards downfield.  Lamar can't.

* at Patriots (+2 1/2) 24, "Super" Cardinals 14.  I never bet against a proven veteran team, playing at home, with its' season on the line.  Which probably explains why I had a $30,000 plus gambling debt by the time I was in my mid 20s.

* at Vikings (-4) 31, Panthers 20.  See previous paragraph.

* Browns (-6 1/2) 41, at Jaguars 6.  I'm laying a touchdown ... on the Browns ... on the road.  God spare my bank account.

* at Bills (-5 1/2) 31, "Super" Chargers 13.  As my buddy Pickell would note: "put it this way" -- if the Bills cannot win this game, they're burnt toast without any jam come January.  Coming off a horrible beat, with the bye to recover and re-motivate, again -- if the Buffalo Bills lose this game?  Sh*t, they may not survive to see January beyond my 44th birthday, if they drop this one.

* Dolphins 13, at Jets (+7) 10.  The last six: vs Dolphins / vs raiders / at Seahawks / at Rams / vs Browns / at Patriots.  You find a win in there.  Because I'll be damned if I can.

* Giants (-5 1/2) 26, at Bengals 10.  I so freaking hate the injury to Joe Burrow.  Hopefully he's back healthy and productive in nine months.  The Chiefs play at the Bengals next year; that's a very doable (and already done) roadie.

* Titans (+3 1/2) 31, at Colts 28.  If you haven't or didn't see the Colts last "drive" in regulation last week, please, do yourself a favor and find a way to watch it.  Because the play by play doesn't do it justice.  The Colts were flagged for seven -- seven! -- flags, on a drive where all they had to do was bleed a couple minutes off the clock.  Six -- six! -- of those flags, were for offensive holding.  Anyone who thinks a team that can't execute six handoffs without six holding calls is going to be a factor in January, let alone get there?  Might need a mental health evaluation more than I do.

* raiders (-3) 34, at "Shane" Falcons 3.  The raiders may be the single biggest team standing between the Chiefs and a repeat championship come January.  And those are words I never imagined I'd type.

* at those people (+5) 24, Saints 14.  Setting up a last gasp next Sunday night at Arrowhead.  

* at Rams (-7) 31, 49ers 21.  And to think people laughed at me three months ago when I predicted the Rams to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

* at Packers 24, Bears (+8 1/2) 21.  This line is at least a couple points too high.  Bears / Packers is always a one score game, no matter how good or bad the other squad is.

Monday:

* Seahawks (-5 1/2) 34, at Eagles 10.  I know I never bet against proven veteran teams at home with their season on the line ... but I will, if it's obvious their season is already over.  To bastardize "The Voice of Reason": the Eagles Christmas goose is not only cooked, it's so burned it's unedible.

Chiefs:

First things first: the HomeGate this week will be at The Quaff downtown.  We've reserved the back party room, and the pizza and wings are covered.  All any guest has to cover is the cost of their booze.

(And yes, I know -- The Quaff and I are not friends.  We're not even frenemies.  Bad things tend to happen when I go to The Quaff.  I like to think though, that the changes made in my life, mean I won't have multiple waitresses, the bartender, and the owner shouting "you let him leave?!?!?!" -- followed by a frightened to the gates of hell itself "you let him drive?!?!?!" -- when I, uuh, leave, Sunday night.)

Anyways, if you can make it, show up anytime after 2:30 and we can accommodate ya.

As for the game itself?  

This one kind of reminds me of Chiefs at Cowboys 2005.  And that's not a good thing for either team, although it's really not a good thing for one team on Sunday.

I see the Bucs scoring with about thirty seconds left to go up three (just like the Cowboys fifteen years ago).  I see an incredible Chiefs catch to set the Chiefs up for an incredible tie from 45ish yards (just like the game fifteen years ago).  

And I see a miss, for a painful defeat.  (Just like fifteen years ago.  Trust me -- I was there.)

* at Bucs (+3) 38, Chiefs 35.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

week twelve: cue stevo smiling like he rarely does ...



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The Statisticals.

(Note: no Week Ten Picks were submitted due to real-life issues that trumped posting them.)

Last Week SU: 8-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 89-59-1.

Last Week ATS: 6-8-0.
Season to Date ATS: 82-66-1.

Last Week Upset / Week: two whiffs.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 7-6-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 8-5-0.
This Week Upset / Week: Believe in chaos folks.  I love four AFC upsets this week (as you'll see below) ... but the one I'm most confident of, is Rams (+3) over Ravens.

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The Non-Chiefs Picks.

* Byes: Chiefs, "Super" Chargers, Vikings, "Super" Cardinals.  Yeah, there isn't anything "Super" about either of the "Super" teams, is there.

* at Texans (-3 1/2) 24, Colts 20.  If I have to pick one of these two places to travel to on the second weekend in January, I'm picking Houston 110 times out of 100.  The last weekend in May?  Give me Indy every time.  But second weekend in January?  This is a no brainer.

Also, Deshaun Watson in prime time equals Stevo drooling into his Drink O' The Week on the couch.  Jesus, I love this kid.

* at Browns (-11) 31, Dolphins 14.  The Browns continue to creep back into the wild card conversation.  (And if the Upset O' The Week hits, the divisional race as well.)

Also, as an aside, what a disaster Tua's injury last week was.  Not just for the Crimson Tide (which I could care less about, unless it involves them losing) and college football in general (which I could care less about, for the most part), but for the kid's future (which I root for) and the NFL in general (which I greatly care about).

As Rany pointed out on Twitter, if you don't feel for the kid, then you don't remember the injury that ended Vincent Edward Jackson's career for all intents and purposes.  And if you didn't have a man crush on Vincent Edward Jackson when you were 12, 13 years old, as a kid growing up in Kansas City?  If you didn't have to ask your dad "wait, is it actually OK to boo this dude?" as he was introduced as a raider at Arrowhead?

Then damn, did you miss out on one fun childhood.

Bo was never the same after David Fulcher tackled him in that playoff win over the Bengals.  Here's hoping and praying we won't be saying the same thing about Tua in a couple years.

* those people (+4) 24, at Bills 17.  Keep playing hard for vic, those people.  Please!  I implore you!  Keep playing just well enough to lose!  Keep this worthless head coach around for another season!  (To say nothing of the antichrist, which you employ as your general manager!  Please!  Let him keep making draft picks for as long as I draw breath on this planet!)

Also, am I the only one beyond geeked at destroying drew lock's career before it even begins on December 15th?  Ryan Leaf Junior!

* Steelers (-6 1/2) 41, at Bengals 10.  Probably a good thing Vontaze Burfict won't be on the field.  Because if he was, there's no way he'd hit Mason Rudolph with the padded part of his helmet, like Myles Garrett did.

* at Bears (-6) 13, Giants 3.  (fidelity ad guy voice) Why not?

* at Jets (+2 1/2) 20, raiders 6.  If the Chiefs have to play on my 43rd birthday weekend, please, dear God, let it be hosting the raiders.  The NFL needs a Chiefs / raiders playoff game like I need a Jacked Up right now.  (Pause).  Hang on.  (stevo heading to his liquor cabinet ...)

* at Saints 34, Panthers (+10) 27.  Raise your hand if you had the Saints as the first team to clinch their division.  (Pause).  Yeah.  Win their next two, and the South is over before December.  And to think everyone thinks the AFC South is the biggest joke of a division the NFL rolls out every year.

* at "Shane" Falcons (-4) 34, Bucs 20.  If the "Shane" Falcons played in the AFC, I'd wager on them to steal the six seed.  There's no way, though, the NFC will collapse enough to let them back into the wild card race.

* Lions (-3 1/2) 17, at Redskins 6.  Lest you think only I make fun of "Sur" William Callahan's utter unwillingness to give a sh*t about winning a football game, peoples and peepettes, I give you "Not Sur" Will Brinson of CBS Sportsline, in this week's gambling column:


"Bill Callahan just can't be trusted to care about winning ..."  (cue every Nebraska football, raider football, and general degenerate gambling fan, nodding in complete agreement.)

* at Eagles (-1 1/2) 17, Seahawks 14 (OT).  I don't get the Eagles offense.  At all.  I also don't get Carson Wentz' obsession with getting his right arm inked up.  If my name was Carson Wentz, I'd spend more time getting my right arm strong enough to complete a pass five yards downfield to a wide open Zach Ertz, instead of getting another bengal tiger-type stripe tatted on it.  But then again, my name isn't Carson Wentz, so do want you want to, young dude.  You aren't hurting anything other than my bank account with that arm, after all!

* at Titans (-3) 28, Jaguars 20.  I'd be fine welcoming either of these teams to Arrowhead to open January.  Because one we already beat handily, and the other one surely can't win a fifth straight (counting playoffs) against the Chiefs, can they?

* Cowboys (+6) 38, at Patriots 17.  This line is ridiculous.  The Cowboys would be a push at Jerry World?  Come on.  The Patriots are dropping their next three to throw the AFC into abject chaos at the top.  Here's the first of those three.

* at 49ers (-3) 45, Packers 13.  This line could be twenty and I'd bet the 49ers.  I love them in this spot.  The 49ers are the best team in the NFC.  They're one missed field goal away from being 10-0.  The Packers are good ... but they're not winning at Fake Candlestick Sunday night.  I don't even think they'll be competitive.

* at Rams (+3) 30, Ravens 27.  The line seems right ... but the wrong team is favored.

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The "Klassy" Kevin Kietzman Tweet O' The Week.

If you believe the general rumor mill and 810 WHB corporate speak ... then either El Kaptain Klassy is a klassic liar ... or kompletely klueless about things.

First, from Monday night, and please, read the three tweets in order from bottom to top:



So wait.  You're fired for ripping "Fat" Andy's alleged lack of institutional kontrol (of both the Khiefs and his own kids) ... and you're still ripping "Fat" Andy's alleged lack of institutional kontrol five months later, over one play that wasn't even penalized?  I'd ask if "K"KK will ever learn his lesson, but kome on, we all know the answer to that question.  And that answer is a kertified "hell no".

But as if that wasn't Klassic Kev at his finest ... this one takes the kake:



Wait -- if you're fired (with kause!) from your place of employment, then how the hell do you have a non-kompete klause as part of your kompensation package you get for being kicked out to the proverbial kurb?  I'll grant you, I've never been fired (but I have been laid off).  And I did have a non-kompete klause in my layoff from my most recent former employer.  That non-kompete was for ninety days.  That's it.

The longest non-kompete I can think of in the Kansas Kity market was Gary Lezak, who had to sit out (I believe) six months when he moved from FOX 4 to KSHB 41 a few years ago.  Ol' Kevin was relieved of his duties in late June.  Even assuming a six month non-kompete, that means he could be back on the air to start the new year if he so chose.  Also, just because you accept a non-kompete klause doesn't mean you can't accept another job in the industry during the non-kompete period!  It just means you can't start the new job until the non-kompete expires!

So, to recap: Uno Sin Pantalones is still engaging in public trashing of "Fat" Andy Reid, which is what got him fired in the first place ... and is now claiming he can't return to broadcasting because of a non-kompete klause, which is an utter and total bullsh*t lie that any person with an IQ above that of a slot jockey at Ameristar at 2:30 on a Tuesday morning can see right through.  Because (a) people who get fired, don't have to deal with non-kompete klauses, and (b) if anyone wanted you?  They're hire you with the express knowledge that you kouldn't broadkast until your non-kompete expired (likely in late December / early January)!

I swear, this guy was more likable when he was trying to (stewie griffin voice) roo-een everyone else's life, rather than allowing us to watch him (stewie griffin voice) roo-een his own.

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The Watching Party Plans.

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as the Chiefs are on a bye this week.

The Tailgating Plans.

There are no The Tailgating Plans, as the Chiefs are on a bye this week.

The Flashback.

There is no The Flashback, as the Chiefs are on a bye this week.

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Stevo Neighborhood Update.

So I actually tried to be productive last Saturday.  I hauled a rake out of the shed, and decided to clean up the yard of all the leaves on it, since The 8228 is about the only house on the street with leaves on the lawn.

Now, I live in South Waldo.  The front yard is maybe -- on a good day -- twenty feet by twenty feet.  I have no back yard (my part of the 'hood is built like they do in north Dallas, with back alleyways instead of back yards).

Sixteen f*cking Westlake leaf and grass refuse bags full later, the yard was maybe half raked.

I gave up.  Then I did what I should have in the first place: hauled the mower out, and mowed that postage stamp the city claims is taxable acreage.

The lesson?  Always half-ass it, if you can.  Oh, and if doing a task one way allows you to enjoy a frosty cold Shiner Bock, and the other way doesn't?  Always choose the option with the beer.

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"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.

Sadly, I got nothing this week.

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Stevo Drink O' The Week.

Flash back with me to the last half of 1998 (aka "my favorite eight months of my life ... so far".)

One of the major highlights of that stretch of time, was the greatest alcohol purchase of my life, when between "Tony Gonzalez", "Cocoa" Vineet, and myself, we bought out every case of Heineken the Tom Thumb on Collins and Green Oaks had, at pushing 2am on a Thursday night / Friday morning, right about this time of year, actually.

In honor of that milestone now being old enough to drink itself (dear God, that was twenty one years ago?!?!?!) ... this week's Stevo Drink O' The Week is Heineken.  Not light, not holiday, not some one-off style, but original Heineken.  I hadn't had one in a while before buying some the other night to enjoy.  And honestly?

I'd forgotten just how much I enjoy that fine libation.

I have a feeling I'll be having a few more this weekend.

Because ...

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The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.

Well, if the Chiefs can't at least tie bye, then who can they beat?  (rimshot!)  Oh God love ya, what am I talking about! *  I tell you what, stand up for Chuck!  (rimshot!)

(*: seriously, Joe Biden actually said he kept "punching at it, and punching at it, and punching at it" to pass the Violence Against Women Act through Congress last night.  Jesus.  I mean, are you serious?  This is the best my party has to offer to beat "House of Wings"?!?!?!  No wonder I'm leaning more and more towards Mayor Pete.  Because Good Lord above, describing passing a violence act as "punching at it, and punching at it, and punching at it" through Congress, is damned near the dumbest thing to ever come out of Vice President (general petraeus voice) "Bite Me"'s mouth.)

In all seriousness though, just like the Chiefs are taking the week off and getting the hell out of town for some rest and relaxation? 

I'm going to do the same thing.

(hootie and the blowfish voice) Sha la la la!  Sha la la la!  I'm going home! 

I'm going home!!!!

Well, my adopted home.

Cue it, UT Marching Band!

"The Eyes of Texas are Upon You!
All the Live Long Day!
The Eyes of Texas are Upon You!
You Cannot Get Away!

Do Not Think You Can Escape Them!
From Rising Early In the Morn!
The Eyes of Texas are Upon You!
'Til Gabriel Blows His Horn!!!!"

(Or if you prefer ...)

Yea Orange!  Yea White!
Yea Longhorns!  Fight!  Fight!  Fight!
Texas Fight!  Texas Fight!  Yea Texas Fight!
Texas Fight!  Texas Fight!  Yea Texas Fight!

The Eyes of Texas are Upon You!
All the Live Long Day!
The Eyes of Texas are Upon You!
You Cannot Get Away!

Texas Fight!  Texas Fight!
For It's Texas That We Love Best!
Hail!  Hail!  The Gang's All Here!
And It's Goodbye To All the Rest!!!!"

(Note: I prefer the second version.  #texasforever)

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I depart tomorrow for a weekend in the Metroplex, where on paper the highlight is taking in the Blackhawks ** / Stars game Saturday night.

(**: yo, Ol' Pete King?  You're a NHL fan (he loves his Devils)!  If you rail every week against the Redskins being a racist team name, where the f*ck are you against the Blackhawks team name?  (Utter and total silence.)  I love liberal hypocrites.  And there's few bigger ones in this life, than Ol' Pete King of NBC Sports.)

The real highlight though -- and given this weekend has been in the planning stages since April, when the Stars began their amazing playoff run -- is that I'll see the college roommate for the first time in pushing a decade this weekend.

And so, to channel my inner Sam Mellinger, that is what I am thankful for this Bye Week(end): that two kids who met twenty five years ago, when we were paired as roommates to open our freshman year, are still somehow standing twenty five years later.  Still rock solid friends.  Still there for each other -- although I've needed Vineet far more than he's needed me, in this life.  (Which, sadly, is probably true about every rock star friendship I have, but whatever.  Y'all love me for the abject f*ck up and failure I usually am, right?  Right?  (crickets chirping ...))

Eighteen years ago, we had to grow up way too quick; Vineet is my friend who survived 9/11.  We swore after that, that we'd never go a year without meeting up.  We kept that promise for a solid six, seven years ... and then, like with most things in life, that promise kind of fell through.

Friday night, the promise is renewed!  It should be fun!  It might be epic! 

(It definitely will be drunk and/or crunk!)

And oh yeah -- that front yard on Catalpa Street is going to be awfully dusty when "New Tito" pulls up about 6pm tomorrow.  I mean, someone really should Swiffer the grass, to keep the tear ducts from welling up from "allergies", when the door of the Jeep and the door of the house open up ...

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

week twelve: perspective people. perspective ...

“Away in a manger,
No crib for His bed.
The little Lord Jesus?
Laid down His sweet head.

The stars in the sky,
Looked down where He lay --
The little Lord Jesus?
Asleep on the hay.

The cattle are lowing;
The baby awakes.
But little Lord Jesus?
No crying He makes.

I love Thee, Lord Jesus!
Look down from the sky,
And stay by my cradle?
‘Til morning is nigh.

Be near me Lord Jesus --
I ask Thee to stay,
Close by me forever --
And love me, I pray.

Bless all the dear children,
In Thy tender care.
And take us to Heaven?
To live with Thee there …”


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Last Week SU: 8-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 97-63-0.

Last Week ATS: 7-6-1.
Season to Date ATS: 90-64-6.

Last Week Upset / Week: sweet merciful Jesus, Brett Hundley sucks.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 4-7 SU; 6-5 ATS.
This Week’s Upset / Week: I'm taking two, both of which will tremendously help the Red and Gold -- Cowboys (+1) over "Super" Chargers, and Texans (+7) over the Ravens.

The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Predictions:

* at Lions (+3) 31, Vikings 28.
* at Cowboys (+1) 34, “Super” Chargers 24.
* at Redskins (-7 ½) 28, Giants 13.
* at Bengals (-8) 24, Browns 14.  “Good Times Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Eagles (-13 ½) 44, Bears 13.  “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Patriots (-16) 41, Dolphins 20.  “Designing Women Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at “Shane” Falcons 31, Bucs (+10 ½) 24.
* Titans (-3 ½) 27, at Colts 17.
* Seahawks (-7) 28, at 49ers 13.  “ALF Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Rams (-2 ½) 41, Saints 38 (OT).
* at “Super” Cardinals (+4 ½) 17, Jaguars 13. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* at raiders (-5) 38, those people 6.
* at Steelers 27, Packers (+14) 20.
* Texans (+7) 17, at Ravens 14 (OT).

The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:

If the President spared the White House turkeys, then I suppose the Kansas City metropolitan area’s biggest turkey can have the week off.

The Watching Party Plans:

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance at.  

The Tailgating Plans:

It’s Kids Kook Krew Sunday!  Anthony is making the buffalo wings (multiple varieties / flavors), I am making Taco Soup, Jaimmie and Miranda are making various side dishes, the lovely Alyssa is bringing the seven layer dip, and Ryan and Tyler are making the Gates run.  Meanwhile, the "grown ups" get to sit around, slam beer and Fireball, and openly mock us trying to make everything work. Or basically, what our grandparents did to our parental units twenty years ago. You have to love it. (Especially if you aren't on the Kids Kook Krew.)

There’ll also be plenty of adult beverages available for your consumption.  As always, anyone who desires to join us is always welcome to do so.  

“Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update:

They had turkey tacos yesterday, in honor of the holiday to come.  I have to admit, I’m not a big fan of turkey meat that’s ground up … but they were pretty damned good.  If they want to add them to the regular menu, I’d try them a couple times a month.

Also, the Disreputable Greek Food Truck got the heave-ho by the cops.  Apparently they weren’t bonded and licensed by the city.  So we’re down to two -- Disreputable Mexican Food Truck and Disreputable Burger Truck.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: you can have the suburbs.  Give me the city.

The Jets Best Guess:

Jersey Bob and Cousin Chase went to the Giants / Chiefs game last week.  Their opinion of the game is frankly not printable, even on a not-exactly-family-friendly site like this one.  I mention this, because as of now (unless something changes between now and Friday, when the go / no go decision is made based on my available bank balance after any major purchases are or aren’t, uuh, purchased on Friday) I’ll be in the Fake Meadowlands next Sunday with them.

Let’s hope next week goes better for the Red and Gold.  And this week goes well for Gang Green.  Before the fun-filled second “family reunion” occurs in Lot D on Sunday morning.

* at Jets (+4 ½) 24, Panthers 17.

The Chiefs Prognostication:

I feel like I need to talk you fans of the Red and Gold off the proverbial ledge, after last week’s utterly indefensible defeat to the woeful New York Giants.  So allow me to say a few words, regarding how I feel about the Chiefs, as they enter the stretch run, ok?  

(It’s my site; of COURSE it’s ok!)

Numero Uno: if the Chiefs were going to lose a game after the bye, this was the game to lose.

It wasn’t a conference game.  It wasn’t a divisional game.  It doesn’t affect tiebreakers in any way, shape, or form.  It frankly is one of the two most meaningless games on the schedule (along with the roadie at Dallas).  

Am I happy we lost?  Of course not.  But if we were going to drop one (and let’s face it -- most of us thought the Chiefs would drop at least one down the stretch), this was the one to drop.

Numero Dos: if the Chiefs win out at home, they win the AFC West.

That’s not a typo.  If the Chiefs handle four teams, at home, all of whom are .500 or worse, in the next five weeks, they clinch the division no later than Week Sixteen.  Because while the Chargers and raiders are both two back, if they both lose at Arrowhead, they lose the season tiebreaker to the Chiefs via divisional record (raiders) or head to head sweep (Chargers), and since they play each other in Week Seventeen, one of them is losing at least twice down the stretch.  (I actually think the Chargers are a fraud about to be exposed … and I actually think the raiders are going to steal the six seed at 8-8, and be the Chiefs opening opponent in the playoffs.)

Numero Tres: the Chiefs ALWAYS lose one game they have no business losing.

It was true when Marty was here, true when Gun was here, true when Richard A. Vermeil was here, true when Herm and Haley and Coach Baffoon and now Fat Andy.  They always lose one game that they have no business losing.  Consider the previous twenty seasons:

2016: the Chiefs lost to a bad Titans team they led 14-0 in negative ten degree weather not even five minutes into the game; they lost by 29 to the Steelers (losing to them is defensible; losing by 29 is not).  

2015: the Chiefs blew a two touchdown second half lead to a Bears team that would finish 3-13.

2014: 0-10 oakland.  Enough said.

2013: the Chiefs didn’t suffer an embarrassing regular season loss -- all five (two to San Diego, two to those people, one to Indy) were to teams that reached the Divisional Round.  But oy vey, that playoff game.  Up 38-10 in the second half, and you lose?  That’s an indefensible loss.

2012: a 1-6 raiders team won by 24 at Arrowhead.

2011: a 0-7 Dolphins team won by 28 at Arrowhead; a week later a tim tebow quarterbacked those people team won by double digits at Arrowhead.

2010: a raiders team playing for nothing won by 30 at Arrowhead; a 4-12 those people team that fired its coach in early December beat the Chiefs by 30 at fake mile high.

2009: a jamarcus russell quarterbacked raiders team won by double digits at Arrowhead.

2008: a jamarcus russell quarterbacked raiders team won by double digits at Arrowhead.

2007: the Chiefs were blown out by a 2-14 Texans squad; a jamarcus russell quarterbacked raiders team won by double digits at Arrowhead.

2006: a 2-9 Browns squad rallied from down 14 to beat the Chiefs in overtime.

2005: an Eagles team that finished 5-11 rallied from down 23 in the first half to win at Arrowhead.

2004: a 2-14 Texans squad won at Arrowhead; a 4-12 Saints squad beat the Chiefs out in the Dome.

2003: a horrible Vikings team beat the Chiefs by 30; a horrible Bengals team gave the Chiefs their first loss.

2002: honestly, none of the Chiefs defeats in 2002 was indefensible or embarrassing.  The raiders won the AFC, those people (swept the Chiefs) were a wildcard squad, the Jaguars went .500, the Chargers went .500, the Seahawks won their division, the 49ers were a wildcard squad, and the Patriots were the defending Super Bowl champs and finished 9-7.  Every team the Chiefs lost to finished at least .500.  That’s defensible.  Especially when you’re trotting out what still to this day is the statistical worst defense in NFL history.

2001: a 4-12 “Super” Cardinals squad won easily in the desert, a week after a 5-11 Colts squad won easily at Arrowhead.

2000: a 6-10 Bills squad won on a fake punt; a 4-12 “Shane” Falcons squad won by 22.

1999: Y2K Bowl.  The single greatest sports “what if” of my life so far.

1998: The Monday Night Meltdown.  Losing to the best team those people have ever had is defensible.  Losing at home, by thirty, as your franchise player is brawling with classless jackass shannon sharpe, is not.  (Solely and only because mr. sharpe left the field under his own power.  He should have left in a body bag.)  Also, a week later, the Craig Whelihan (who?) led “Super” Chargers rallied from down 20 with three to play to win by one.

1997: All three regular season losses came to teams that reached the playoffs (at those people, at Dolphins, at Jaguars).  But the playoff defeat to those people?  That’s NEVER defensible.

1996: blown out by an at the time 3-10 raiders squad; blown out at home by a 4-12 “Super” Chargers squad that led to the single dumbest decision of Marty’s coaching career (benching Bono for Gannon).

The point being?

Sh*t happens.  And I’d personally prefer it happen in November, than January.

Numero Quatro: this is still a damned good football team.

They had one bad day folks.  And even playing as (chuck barkley voice) TURRIBLE as they did on Sunday?  They had the ball, in overtime, with a shot to win.

Numero Cinco: “Fat” Andy won’t let this spiral out of control.

Those people haven’t recovered from losing to the Giants -- they haven’t won since, and last week was the first time they were even remotely competitive since.  In every season “Fat” Andy has coached in this league, you can only point to one (2005) where things spiraled out of control and into a dumpster fire.  And folks, if you think that one season was “Fat” Andy’s fault, then you don’t remember Terrell Owens doing shirtless pushups in his driveway.  Because TO destroyed that Eagles team (who immediately won the division again the following season, as they had the previous three seasons).

I’m not panicked yet.  Neither should you be.

--------------------

So rather than stress on things we have no control over, focus on what matters at this time of year.

Embrace those you love.  Be civil towards those you despise * .  Throw a football with your son or nephew; schedule a tea with your daughter or nieces.  Hug your parents -- no, really.  Hug the hell out of your parents.  Ever since October 6, 2013 happened, I have never failed to bear hug both of mine.  Life is too godd*mned short to let the chance to express to those you love how you feel, pass you by.

Eat way too much.  Pour that extra glass of pinot grigio or merlot (provided you aren’t driving, of course … or your name is Stevo, in which case, just double fist it).  Buy that extra toy on Black Friday, and make it to Mass at least once, in reverence and respect for why this time of year matters.  (Hint: it ain’t some jolly fat dude whose ass is too big to fit down your chimney.)

And then do yourself a favor, a personal solid if you will.  Look back on the year you’ve had … and focus on the good that has come from it.  Ignore the negative, and embrace the positive.  

And, if you feel so inclined, show up on Sunday and root like hell for the Red and Gold.  Because they’re gonna need it.  I halfway expect Sean McDermott to have an actual kitchen sink on the sideline for motivation, because this is it for Buffalo.  They lose this one, with two still against the Patriots, their Christmas goose is all but cooked.  The Chiefs and Bills usually stage tight, close games.  I suspect Sunday will be another one.

And I suspect, that just like Thanksgiving Weekend two years ago, the Chiefs somehow find a way to survive.

* at Chiefs 31, Bills (+10) 27.

Happy Turkey Day everyone, and hey -- until next time, (sgt. esterhaus voice) “Let’s be careful out there …”

(*: if the two people that is in reference to are capable of being honest, they’d have to concede, I was cordial and civil when we ran into each other in the security line entering the Redskins game.  And if I’m capable of being honest (shaddup!), they were the same towards me.  Time doesn’t heal all wounds, and whoever came up with that bullsh*t statement should be tarred and feathered.  But it does dull most wounds.  Because that’s the first interaction with those two that I’ve had in five years, that hasn’t left me wanting to beat the f*ck out of them.  Baby steps!)

Saturday, November 23, 2013

week twelve: when the worst of your memory ...

“I found a box of memories.
Read a letter; dropped a tear where you signed your name.
And turning the page?
Smearing the ink into “love always”.

Girl?  I always start this way –
And then I end up in a bottle, screaming out your name!
I’m punching the walls,
Carrying on like I’ve gone insane.

But in the mirror?
I can see the man who just shook his head with no remorse.
Watching an angel crying tears,
Stepping over my beers, as you walked out the door.

There ain’t nothing like a memory,
When it’s coming on strong like a hurricane.
How can love like that,
Just up and walk away?

(You’re killing me baby!)

You’ve got me pouring up another drink;
Bourbon’s hitting me harder, like a freight train.
With my back against the wall, or on my knees?
The worst of your memory?
Gets the best of me …”

-- “The Best of Me” by Brantley Gilbert.  Gun to my head?  As much as I love “Back In The Day”, crave “Freshman Year”, and totally dig “My Kind of Crazy” and “Halfway to Heaven”?  This, is my favorite song, by Mr. Gilbert.  This song gets to me in ways no song probably should get to a human being …

--------------------

Last Week ATS: 8-4-3.  No, that is NOT a typo – the Colts (-3), Bears (-3), and 49ers (+3) all pushed.  God, I love this sport.
Season to Date ATS: 73-83-5.

Last Week SU: 11-4-0.  (joey lawrence voice) whoa!
Season to Date SU: 94-67-0.

“The Voice of Reason” Last Week: 5-8-2.
“The Voice of Reason” Season to Date: 62-81-5.

(Note Uno: Mr. Reason does not pick heads-up winners.)
(Note Dos: Mr. Reason took the Chiefs bye week off from prognosticating.)

The “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week Last Week: whoops.
The “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week Season to Date: 5-9.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset O’ The Week: a two-fer this week: Steelers (+1) over Browns, and Jets (+3 1/2) over Ravens.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well of course, if I lose both of these, I'm gonna start picking three or four a week!  I gotta reach .500, dammit!

--------------------

Last week, I knew the theme I was going with pretty much as soon as the bye week began.  Last week’s post wrote itself.  (There’s a reason why it was posted before the Thursday nighter kicked off.) 

This week?  I start typing this at 6:55pm on a Friday night … and I have no idea what I’m going to say.  I’m counting on something inspiring me.

Let’s see what happens …

--------------------

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets, "Holy Crap!  Thirteen -- THIRTEEN! -- AFC Squads Are Within One Game of a Playoff Berth!" Best Guesses:

(Note Tres: all lines supplied by Danny Sheridan via USA Today.  Danny Sheridan: the Stevo’s Site Numero Dos Official Oddsmaker Since 2008!)

* Saints (-9) 41, at Falcons 13.  My God.  This is one sh*ttacular matchup.  And yet?  Folks?  Hang on, let's do this right.  Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States, Mr. Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.!!!!!

(vice president biden voice) Folks!  This game is going to do a three letter word -- suck.  S U C K, suck!

Thank you sir.  And on behalf of Stevo's Site Numero Dos, allow me to extend a warm heartfelt "Happy Birthday Joe!" to you a day late.  And a dollar short, thanks to your boss' socialist beliefs.  

In honor of the Vice President's 71st birthday ... sorry, I have to.  If only because this clip has yet to fail to make me laugh out loud, and it's only been ... my God, we're in year six!  It's been five plus years since the Vice President told a quadrapalegic to "stand up"!  

(In case you wonder why I mock Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. as much as I do, it's two fold.  (1) I actually like the guy.  No, really -- I actually like the guy, tremendously.  But (2) come on.  If the Republicans nominated a guy who tells a dude with no legs to stand up?  That guy would be under the bus by the time Chris Hayes takes the airwaves to open MSNBC's prime time lineup, and we all know it.  I HATE bias and bigotry of all kinds.  I DESPISE people who do not treat others fairly, and do not hold others to the standards they hold themselves to.)

* at Lions (-9 1/2) 38, Bucs 13.  Whew!  I can smell the stench from here!

* at Texans 3, Jaguars (+10) 2.  Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.  My mommy may have dropped me on my head a time or six as a child, but are you sh*tting me?  A team whose head coach damned near died on the field three weeks ago, hasn't won a game since week two, has needed two miracle finishes to get the two wins it has, that has no credible option under center, is missing its' star running back for the season, whose star wide receiver is threatening to quit, and whose defense is coached by "Son O' Bum", is FAVORED by ten points?

Mr. Reason might have to bring back his patented GLOW*, this one is so out of whack with reality.

(*: GLOW: Gregg's Lock Of (The) Week.  Also, it mocks the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, because ... (linda richman voice) hang on.  I'm getting a little verklempt.  Talk amongst yourselves.  I'll give you a topic -- any organization that stars the late, great Fabulous Moolah and the late, great Mae Young, is neither gorgeous, nor composed of ladies.  Discuss.)

Let's see, what's the next game on the board.  Let's see -- (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  No!  Are you serious?  Mae Young is still alive?!?!?!  (stevo spitting his Coors Light out.)  Are you serious?

Hang on, let me side step to Wikipedia here.  Hang on, I'm typing in Mae Young, and hitting the search button and ... (peter griffin seeing ernie the giant fighting chicken voice) HOLY CRAP!  She is alive!

Well God bless it, now I'm drug in.  So, it's "Guess Which One Of These Is Not Factually True" Time!  I'm going to give you seven facts about Mae Young.  Only six of them are true.  You identify the one that isn't.  (Answer coming up later).

(1) Her first professional match occurred BEFORE Adolf Hitler's forces crossed the Polish border, to launch World War II.
(2) Her real name is Johnnie Mae Young.  (Fine, this one is true ... and my God, does it explain a lot.)
(3) After fifty two years in the business, she retired to become an evangelical preacher.
(4) She has wrestled in multiple -- multiple -- bra and panties matches after her 80th birthday.
(5) She went topless during the 2000 Royal Rumble, at age 76, exposing her upper body for every person to see.
(6) A significant storyline in the early 2000s was that Mae Young was pregnant.
(7) She is the only professional wrestler, to win a match in seven different decades.

Stay tuned.

* at Packers (-4 1/2) 13, Vikings 6.  Your "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week"!!!!!  And since I have nothing else to say about this, allow me to extend a heartfelt, sincere Stevo's Site Numero Dos expression of sympathy and support to the family of famous (pick one: fraud / phony / con artist / scammer / world renowned psychic) Sylvia Browne, who passed away on Wednesday at the age of 77.  Apparently, she is from our fine metropolitan area. 

I'm not saying I'm not gullible -- after all, I did purchase a Chi Chi Rodriguez Energy Bracelet off a late night infomercial fifteen years ago.  (Note: the answers are "yes" and "don't really remember, but probably", to the two obvious questions, that purchase raises**.)  But not even I've ever paid a psychic for her advice.  If I wanted to listen to some blowhard that has no damned clue what's really going to happen next, and pay for the privilege of doing so, I'd send in a check to that Joel Osteen dude and tune in to one of the fifty five broadcasts he airs every Sunday morning.

(**: this story is absolutely true, and "The Voice of Reason" can confirm it, since it was either he or Jasson who talked me into it at 1:30 in the morning after some random Tuesday night bender.  I can confirm three things about the Chi Chi Rodriguez Energy Bracelet: (1) it was NOT made of 24 karat gold; the cheap gold spraypaint was flaking off by day three.  (2) it did NOT make me feel better, or have more energy, and it sure as all hell, did not look good.  And (3) you remember that classic "Saved By The Bell" episode, where Zack buys the cheap class rings off that shady ring dealer, and it turns everyone's finger green?

My wrist was green for THREE (BLANKING) WEEKS, after wearing that thing.

The lesson?  Infomercials offer nothing of meaningful value.

(But if Jim Feist or "Big" Al McMordie posts their "Five Star Play of the Year" for only $19.95, you're dialing, right?)  Hell yes I am ...)

* at Dolphins (+4 1/2) 26, Panthers 10.  Panthers are due to lay a stinker at some point.  And this is one gigantic trap game for them -- the Saints roll into B of A next Sunday afternoon for the first of two huge NFC South showdowns in the final five weeks of the season.

* Steelers (+1) 28, at Browns 20.  In the history of the NFL -- and I will remind you, the league will be celebrating it's NINETY FIFTH SEASON next year -- only one team has ever started 0-4 (or worse) and made the playoffs: your 1992 San Diego "Super" Chargers, who started 0-4, yet won 11 of their last 12 to win the AFC West by a game over the Chiefs.

It's not only possible, but if results break the two teams way this week, it starts becoming probable, that TWO teams from 2013 who started 0-4 or worse, will reach the playoffs: the Steelers (who opened 0-4), and the Giants (who opened 0-6).

* Bears (NL) 27, at Rams 16.  No line due to Jay Cutler's uncertain status.

* at raiders (NL) 24, Titans 13.  Not sure why there is no line.  But I am sure this is your "Good Times Game O' The Week"!!!!!

* at Cardinals (-2 1/2) 20, Colts 14.  I'm going to go out on a limb here, and guess there won't be a dry eye in the conversation, when Colts head coach Chuck Pagano, and Cardinals head coach Bruce Arians, warmly greet each other at midfield during warmups, and after the conclusion of the day's festivities.  It's always good to see good people succeed.  Mr.'s Pagano and Arians, are amongst the finest in the League.

* Cowboys (+2 1/2) 34, at Giants 21.  It was fun while it lasted.  But now it's time for the grown-ups, to take back control of the romper room.  Sorry Giants fans.  Better luck next year.

* at Patriots (+2 1/2) 41, broncos 24.  The dirty little secret noone in "my little pony land" is talking about ... is that there's still a damned decent probability, denver leaves Arrowhead next week two back, with four to play.

* 49ers (-6) 45, at Redskins 13.  Does Shanarat get the boot in the postgame presser?  Does he show up for work Tuesday, and discover Gunther Cunningham-style* from the team's website that he's been terminated for cause?  Or does Dan Snyder wait until after next Sunday night's embarrassing home defeat against the Giants, to pull the plug?  Believe it or not, I'm worried about this.  The Chiefs go to Washington in three weeks.  We don't need a "win one for the interim / outgoing coach" game at this point.

(*: this urban legend is also true.  Gunther really did find out he had been relieved of his duties as Chiefs head coach, by reading the Kansas City Star's site in his office the morning after the 2000 season began.  Which raises one very interesting question, at least to me, and it is this: how p*ss poor was Chiefs security back then?  Did they not require an ID badge to get in the door?  Did noone think to deactivate Gun's?  Could anyone have just come and gone willy-nilly through the facilities at One Arrowhead Drive?  Was there even a security guard there to monitor visitor traffic?  Even we have that where I work -- two of them to boot! 

I mean, think back to 2000.  That's about when the tape began to be used, to try to force cars forward in Lot G when they arrived.  Which means that despite how pathetic using two police line markings was, it still was more safety and security conscious, than anything used at the actual front doors to the stadium.  I trust somebody's fixed that lil' hole in the security firewall.)

The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:

Sadly, the Klassy One has been pretty calm as of late.  It makes this portion of the prepared remarks, uuh, unremarkable.

Let’s just all hope that a fun, holiday meal at the Keitzman household will conjure up some juicy comments for next week.  Or at least lead to a liquor-fueled diatribe or three on Twitter.

“The Voice of Reason”’s Reason:

(Note: Mr. Reason’s picks and/or commentary appears unedited, save for font and size formatting.)

(To be posted when received.  For the record, Mr. Reason took Falcons +9 in Thursday’s contest.)

The Poem:

(To be posted when / if finished.)

The Tailgating Plans:

We are utilizing the early-in pass again, to ensure that we can get the damned tent and propane headers up ASAFP on Sunday morning. 

As always, if you need a ride out, we leave by 6:30am from the Bus Barn.  We’d love to accommodate ya.  As always, if you need  a place to tailgate, park, and enjoy the day, just let me know, and I’ll plant a chair to mark your territory. 

The menu Sunday?  Ron’s crew from Springfield is handling main course duty, and we’re doing a country breakfast theme.  Fresh pancakes off the grill, some sausage, bacon, and other fried delights, some egg and cheezy hashbrown casseroles, and if someone is feeling a lil’ frisky, perhaps some biscuits and gravy.

In addition, we’ll have some white chicken chili for those of you not into breakfast, and the ability to grill any dogs, brats, or burgers you want, if you’re not into breakfast.  Which, to be fair, my typical breakfast is a Snickers ice cream bar and a 52oz Gold Peak Iced Tea, so I guess I’ll be hitting the chili line early and often.

(Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well, I was getting to that!  Good grief, give me two minutes to lay out the menu, Ms. Non-Existent Stevo’s Site Numero Dos Editor Dudette!  I swear, I’m firing you at the next idiotic interruption!

As always, we’ll have a healthy bar for you to select from: some cold beer, some champagne, some vodka, some orange juice, some bloody mary mix, some “eh, Stevo might sample this, throw it in the cooler!” unmarked bottles of only God knows what, and … what?  Ooh!  An email?  Really?  What the hell!  Let’s see what random reader … uuh … aw, hell.

“Benchwarmers?  We’re gonna need ‘em!” – Stevo, South KC.

This Stevo guy sounds like he’s on top of his stuff!  Hell yes, the Benchwarmer is making its 2013 inaugural appearance!!!  (A benchwarmer is a concoction of hot chocolate, and all the peppermint schnapps you can pour into it.  It is delicious.  It also warms you up, a key thing on a projected 36 degree day.)

Hope to see y'all there.  True, next week is the biggie ... but it's only the biggie, if we win the warm-up.

The Flashback -- Chiefs vs Chargers:

First, do you realize that Sunday's game is the first time the Chiefs have been favored over the Chargers at Arrowhead since 2003?

To be fair, the 2005 game was a pick 'em, but the Chargers have been favored in every game at Arrowhead since week two of 2003.  Yikes.

Secondly, if the Chiefs win, you have to figure it'll be memorable.  Because nearly every win over these guys at Arrowhead the last fifteen years, has been a game you don't forget.  Let's go in reverse order ...

* 2011: "The Phumble".
* 2010: The Goal Line Stand (and The Monsoon).
* 2006: Lawrence Tynes.  53 Yards.  Bango!
* 2005: ok, this one wasn't memorable.
* 2003: Dante Hall's kick return run begins.
* 2002: Trent Green 99 yard touchdown pass.
* 2001: overtime victory.
* 2000: overtime victory.
* 1999: The Brandsmart Game.

But come on gang, one stands out above them all.

1995.

"Boy did he loft that one ..."

Hold the thought(s) on that 1995 game.  I'm coming back to it, early next week.  Along with many other memorable Dan Dierdorf calls, in a post to thank the one national broadcaster who has openly and unapologetically, rooted for the Chiefs on-air, over the last 25 years.

The Jets Premonition:

Someone's season is going on life support Sunday afternoon at The Crab Cake.

For the Ravens, this truly is their last stand.  At 4-6, facing a short week (they host the Steelers in a true elimination game on Thanksgiving night), and facing two conference foes that are within a game of them for the last playoff spot, they simply have to sweep the homestand.

For the Jets, at 5-5, facing two conference foes within a game of them for the last playoff spot these next eight days (at Ravens, vs Dolphins), they absolutely have to have this, especially since three of the Jets five wins, are against the NFC.  (They beat the Saints and Bucs at home, they won at Atlanta; they still have to travel to Carolina).

2-6 with five to go in the conference, is no way to go through life.  Or something like that, according to Dean Wormer.

Sometimes, you just have to believe.

* Jets (+3 1/2) 24, at Ravens 17.

The Chiefs Prediction:

My family has a weird tradition, for Thanksgiving.

Well, weird to the outside world, but perfectly normal for us.

We do Thanksgiving on Wednesday night, at my brother and sister-in-law's house.  And we don't do turkey; we do lasagna.

Lots and lots of lasagna.  My folks, myself, my brother and his family, my sister-in-law's family, our buddy Neeck and his sister, Phill and Jenny and their family (Phill's folks live next door to my brother, and yes, it's Rich and Rare Guy), and anyone else who wants to join in.  

You don't get to pick the family you're born into.  But you do get to pick your family.  And on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, a large grouping of us that are family, meet up to share a few boxes of vino, and a few pans of lasagna, before everyone goes their designated ways the next day.

Every year, I stay at my brother's that night, and then dog sit the following day and night, before heading home on Friday, so that my brother and his family can go be with his in-laws in Wichita on Thanksgiving Day.

I will be there, Wednesday night, for the family dinner.

(And go figure, as usually happens, I got the "you're bringing the wine, right?" text and email from my mom and brother this week.  Of COURSE I'm on the hook, for the most expensive part of the evening.  (Pause).  And I'll never complain one damned bit about it ever again, given the last two months.)

I will stay there, Wednesday night, as tradition dictates.

And I will dog sit on Thursday, and Thursday night, as tradition dictates.

I'll also probably start composing "The Annual Column", on Thursday night, as I usually do.

But it'll be different this year.

There will be a dog there.

It just won't be Major.

--------------------

The first time I met Major, was one of the most "what the hell do I make of this?!?!?!" days of my life -- Friday, August 20, 2004.

In the span of three hours, I went from the "well, it could have gone worse" thrill of drafting my work fantasy team in our draft party at the old place on Stubbs, to "oh Jesus no!" depression over hearing my buddy James had passed away, to "oh Jesus yes!" euphoria over being there when my brother proposed to his girlfriend (now wife) in front of assorted family and friends.

In between events (a) and (c), I had to swing by their apartment, and pick up the dog, to take him back to Gregg and I's place in western Shawnee for the weekend.  

My brother did not properly prepare me, for Major.

For starters, I asked if I needed a leash to get him to the car.  I was told "no, he'll be fine."  I took that to mean, either (a) he was a very obedient, docile dog, or (b) he was as small as Phogger, and I could carry him if I needed to.

I then asked how he thought Major would react to being around the two dogs we had at the time, Priest and Phogger.  My brother's reaction?  "Major's good with other dogs, he won't be a problem."

I got to their apartment about 7pm.  I knew where the spare key was, found it, unlocked the door ...

... and there, in front of me, was a 120 lb bloodhound, furious that he was locked up in a dog cage, because as it turned out, he had to pee like there was no tomorrow.

To say it was love at first sight ... would be the truth.

--------------------

I dog sat for Major many times over the last ten years.  He stayed with me many times over the last ten years.

My favorite moment with the Mangy Dog (as we called him), had to be sometime in 2005 or 2006.  We stuck him and Priest and Phogger in the back yard, and our next door neighbors were Chris and Heather.

It didn't matter what we did, Phogger found a way to get through the fence, into their yard.  Why, I have no idea.  She just wanted to get on the other side of the fence.

We put up stakes.  We hauled in rocks.  We even erected 2x4 planks that made the back yard look so classy.  No matter what we did, Phogger could get over that fence, or under it.

One day, I was either in the main room or the kitchen, and I started hearing Priest barking, and Major doing his yelping.  (Lord, that dog had a distinctive yelp.)  So I walked out onto the deck, and saw the situation, and just lost it.  I could not stop laughing.

Somehow, the three of them had managed to turn the 2x4 plank into a ramp over the rocks that were laid down, and Phogger had gone over the ramp, into the neighbors yard, where she was laying there, just taunting poor Priest and Major.  

And poor Priest and Major, were too stupid to figure out, all they had to do to join her, was walk the ramp.

I'm not sure I've ever laughed more in my life, than at that spectacle.

Normally when the "yup, Phogger done gone out again" moment would unfold, one of us would haul ass to the neighbors yard, yell at her, pick her up, and then put her in "timeout" for a while.

This time?  I went next door, went through the back gate, and Phogger flopped onto her back, begging for a belly rub.

She got twenty minutes worth of one.  (Hey, you gotta admire genius when you see it.)  How could I get mad at that?  She somehow figured out how to maneuver a board and rocks into making a ramp, and somehow got the two big dogs to do it for her.

And they were too stupid, to simply walk the ramp, and escape to freedom.

I miss Phogger.  (She's still doing quite well, in her new home.)  I really miss Priest, my "Special Little Puppy".  

Up until a month ago, I didn't have to miss Major.

Wednesday's going to be very, very weird.

--------------------

Major had to be put down, the week before Dad's issues hit the fan.

I've never seen a dog be so gentle, loving, and caring around kids, as Major.

True story: every time I dog sat for my brother and his family, Major would refuse to sleep in his bed.

He had a bed at the base of my brother and sister in law's bed.  It was comfy.  The nights I'd crash there and stay in the guest room, or on the couch, Major was always in that bed.

If it was just me?  Major slept in the hallway, sprawled between Ayden's room, and the master bedroom.

He was protecting his family.

I didn't get it the first time.  I tripped and fell over the lovable roadblock on the road to the bathroom.  I was not happy.  Hey, you trip over a 150 lb dog in the middle of the night while you (may or may not) be intoxicated, and you tell me how you'd feel.

It didn't hit me, until the walk back, when I saw him raise his head, which was firmly planted in the A-Man's room, and raise his hind legs, firmly planted in my brother and sister in law's room.  That dog wasn't marking his territory.  He was protecting his family.  Because behind the front line that was his dog body ... was the twins room door.

Never once, in ten years of dog sitting in that house, did Major sleep in his bed, when I was the only one there.

So allow me to say this, to two people who still read this site, even if we literally don't speak to each other anymore.  Zeus is going to be the best friend, the Little Champ or Chica, will ever have, in his or her formulative years.  Trust me guys -- Zeus is going to love that child like you wouldn't believe.  Dogs are like that.  And I can't even begin to express, how happy I am for you, that you're going to get to see it up-close and first-hand.

--------------------

"What do you mean, he went to the doctor?"

That was my "special little guy", Ayden, that was his reaction when we had to tell him that dad -- his "papa" -- had suffered some serious medical issues two months ago.

Kids don't totally get life, and I think that's a good thing.  When Major had to be put down, the kids were told that he went to the doctor, and that they'd see him again someday.

The twins, that line worked for.  They're three.  Ayden, not so much.  He'll be six in a couple months, and that kid is smart.  

"What do you mean, he went to the doctor?"

Major had to be put down, on September 28.  Exactly one week, before Dad had his issues strike, and we nearly lost him -- hell, did lose him, twice, before this amazing thing we call "medicine", gave us a third chance with him.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I do NOT believe in coincidence.

And I've had this said to me before, and I truly believe it to be, uuh, true: God always prepares you, for what you have to endure.  It may not make sense at the time ... but everything happens, for a reason.

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The kids have a new dog now, Rosabelle.

She looks cute enough.  And I'm willing to wager a couple days' salary, that I'll like her.

But she won't be Major.

I suppose that's one reason, I've never gotten a dog again after Priest.  How do you top the original?  

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Last week, I compared this Chiefs team, to the 1997 squad, that is the best team this franchise has fielded in my lifetime.

And the question applies to the 2013 version as well: how do you top the original?

The answer?  You just do.  You always love the original ... but you truly embrace, the version 2.0.

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I happen to think Sunday is going to be laughably easy.  Everything points to a close Chiefs victory.  I think it's going to be a laugher.

I think the Chiefs are going to score early, force a key turnover in the late 1st / early 2nd, and break the game wide open with a Dexter McCluster punt return with about three minutes to go in the first half.  I think this is going to be a woodshed beating on Sunday.

And I truly believe, that when exiting the parking lots of Arrowhead Sunday afternoon, one thought will arise from every loyal and proud member of Arrowhead Nation:

"We've waited our whole lives, for this day, for this game, for this moment."

Because with a win on Sunday?

December 1, 2013, becomes a day that NOONE, exactly one year ago, could imagine would ever be affiliated with that date.

December 1, with a win on Sunday, has a chance to go down as the greatest regular season day in franchise history.

Exactly one year to the day, it unquestionably went down, as the worst.

"When the worst of your memory?  Becomes the best of me."

But we'll deal with that next week.

We still have to survive Sunday, first.

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It bears stating, if only to give a foreshadowing, a preview, to next week.

February 8, 2000: Derrick Thomas passed away.  Arguably the greatest player in franchise history, died from complications of a car wreck two weeks earlier.

February 8, 1963: Lamar Hunt and Kansas City mayor H. Roe Bartle, reached initial agreement to relocate the Dallas Texans to Kansas City for the 1963 season, to be known as the Kansas City Chiefs.

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We'll be there early tomorrow.  You need a place to tailgate?  We'll welcome you with open arms.  The menu is provided above.  The only invitation you need, is to give a damn about the Red and Gold -- preferably positively ... but we'll welcome the negativity, if only to mock you after the Chargers defeat.

We'll be there after the game as well.  You need a place to celebrate?  We'll welcome you with open arms, unless your name is "ceiling", and you oppose "dancing".

* at Chiefs (-4) 34, Chargers 0.  As always, I pick the score for a reason.  Savvy Chiefs fans will recognize what game against the Chargers, this one is from.

On behalf of this site, please have an amazing, epic Thanksgiving this week.  Be thankful for all you have.  Be thankful for all that is going to be, over the next weeks, months, and years to come.

I can only speak for myself, but given where I stood, and what reality was, on Sunday, October 6, at 5:20pm?  

I am going to be so f*cking thankful this holiday, I'll make the Pilgrims blush.
  
And no, I'm not apologizing for the gratuitous use of the f bomb, in that previous sentence.  Because the fact I'm going to hear "you know, you really shouldn't use that word as much" from not just one, but two parents, on Wednesday at our family Thanksgiving?  

Makes using the word so f*cking worth it ...

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...