Wednesday, July 27, 2016

dnc night two: the phail in philly ...

“I’ve been searching
For a pot of gold –
Like the kind you find,
At the end of a rainbow.

I’ve been dreaming,
But it was in vain.
Aah, but now you’re here –
Can’t believe that you’re back again!

Now I know I can’t lose –
As long as you follow!
I’m gonna win!  (I’m gonna win!)
I’m gonna beg, steal or borrow!

As long as you follow!

I’ve been wandering;
Gone way too far.
But the road was rough,
To get back where you are.

And the sun went down;
Never seemed to rise.
Aah, but now you’re here –
With the light shining in your eyes!

Now I know I can’t lose!
As long as you follow!
I’m gonna win!  (I’m gonna win!)
I’m gonna beg, steal or borrow!

Yes – I can live today
If you give me tomorrow!
As long as you follow!
As long as you follow! …”

-- “As Long As You Follow” by Fleetwood Mac … who is Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Official Musical Group O’ The Week, for reasons that any person who was aged 15 to 25 in July 1992, that gave even the slightest care to politics, can probably figure out ...

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“House of Wings” entered this convention proudly sporting a nearly ten point bump, coming out of Cleveland last week, to grab a six point lead in the national polls over Secretary Clinton.

That does not surprise me.  I’m the dude who said last week that “House of Wings” would emerge from the conventions with at least a three point lead in the polls.

But I’m also the dude who said “House of Wings” would get a bigger bump out of the Democrat Convention, than he would out of his own.

Folks?  After last night?

I’m doubling down on that prediction.

“House of Wings” is going to be up by ten points by this time next week.

And last night, is going to be a major reason why.

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Once upon a time, former President Reagan told a damned funny story.  He said that while he was on the campaign trail, he came upon a farmer, and asked if said farmer would listen to what he was selling.  The farmer – stunned that a potential president wanted an audience with him – said sure, but let me get my wife first.

And while the farmer was getting his wife, Mr. Reagan looked for a place to deliver his speech to the only two people that would be in the audience.  As Mr. Reagan noted, “the only spot I could find was on some land covered by what Bess Truman kept trying to get her husband to call “fertilizer”.”

The punchline of the joke is that the farmer ends the conversation by noting “I’ve never heard a Republican give a speech before!”, as Mr. Reagan replies with “and I’ve never delivered a speech standing on a Democrat platform before!” 

That word, “fertilizer” – and we all know what “fertilizer” is substitute for – “fertilizer” is the only word I can honestly come up with, to describe Night Two of the Democrat Convention.

Because every word out of Bill Clinton’s mouth last night, was pretty much exactly that: “fertilizer”.

Look it, I’m not stupid.  I’m not naïve.  (Well, most of the time, anyway.)  And I’d wager that most, if not all, of you reading this, are not mental midgets.  So I ask this with all sincerity: who bought that crap last night?  Who doesn’t know that the Clinton’s marriage is a marriage of political convenience, and not true unquestioned love?  Who doesn’t know this by now?

Because if you’re being honest, you have to admit -- if everything Bill Clinton said about his wife last night is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 

Then why can’t he stay faithful to her?

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I have no desire to recap Night Two of the Democrat Convention.  For starters, it was an even bigger train wreck than I feared it would be coming in.  It was pretty much four straight hours of non-stop b*tching about how awful these people’s lives are, and how America has become some third world banana republic where everybody’s poor, everybody’s starving, and we have nothing to look forward to but misery, bigotry, and death.  Sorry Democrats, but you don’t get to make “we’re already great!” as your slogan about this nation, and then b*tch about everything you think is wrong with it non-stop for four straight days. 

And of course, as always at the DNC, the “piece de resistance” is giving nearly twenty minutes of (almost) prime time real estate to the president of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards.  I liked her mother, the late great Ann “Ma” Richards, the governor of Texas in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and I did genuinely smile and laugh when she channeled her mom at the end of her speech.  Unfortunately, for nearly twenty minutes before “what the hell took you so long?” came out in that missed Texas drawl, Ms. Richards praised the virtue and value of killing your child for convenience. 

Incredibly, having to sit through the Black Mothers Movement folks, and through a PSA for Planned Parenthood, doesn’t even come close to the worst moments of the night.  Those might not even rank in the top five, if I’m being honest.  We also had to sit through Alicia Keys b*tching and moaning about gun control while stalling for Hillary to get the video link going.  

(stevo sighing in disgust).

Alicia?  You guys have run the damned country for seven and a half years!  You had two years – two freaking years! – with control of the House, a filibuster proof majority in the Senate, and a President who would sign anything you sent to his desk.  And you had a Supreme Court that then (and now) has no interest in overturning what you rammed through!  You had EVERYTHING you needed to “fix the problem” if you wanted to!  I mean, what’s the excuse?  You could have passed anything you wanted to, and there was nothing the Republicans could do to stop you!

Lena Dunham.  Ugh.  I tried to give “Girls” a chance.  I lasted ten minutes of one episode before realizing this might be the single sh*ttiest show I’ve ever chosen to watch, and I am fully aware I have seen every episode of “Good Times” ever made.  Ditto “ALF”.  Ditto “Benson”.  (Pause).  On second thought, scratch “Benson”, that show was anything but sh*tty.  I fail to see what anyone sees in this woman.  I mean, this is what a role model looks like?  A role model is someone who all but molests her younger sister, by her own admission?  No thank you.

Elizabeth Banks.  In fairness, I actually thought she was funny.  Mocking “House of Wings”’s entrance was awesome.  I loved the “oh, yeah, I bought the fog machine from “House of Wings” for $30 on eBay” joke was hysterical.  So I guess there was one decent celebrity appearance.

I thought Meryl Streep was ok at best.  I’ll freely grant you, having to follow a speech by Bill Clinton is damned near an impossible task.  And I’m every bit as in the tank for Secretary Clinton as Ms. Streep is.  But to compare Hillary Clinton to Harriet Tubman just defies all logic and reason and common sense imaginable.  Ms. Tubman saved slaves and risked her life every day she lived it; Mrs. Clinton has to manufacture stories about dodging sniper fire in Bosnia to create risk in hers.

So there.  That’s your recap.  A bunch of celebrities acting all celebratory about the coronation of Madam Secretary.  Lather, rinse, repeat from any other DNC Night Two.

I’m just thankful nobody got up on stage and started barking like a rabid dog.  Because as Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Color Commentator Emeritus would note: “we’ve seen it before”. 

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Tonight, sadly, tragically, we will see greatness on display for the final time.

And no, I’m not talking about Barry.

I’m talking about the gaffe machine that is Joseph Robinette Biden.

Folks, do you realize this is it?  This is THE final time Joe Biden has the nation’s attention focused squarely and totally on him.  There is never going to be another campaign with Joe Biden as a part of it.  There will never be another debate with Joe Biden as a part of it. 

After eight years of “Stand Up Chuck!”, and “A Three Letter Word: Jobs!”, and “frankly, Hillary Clinton would have been a better choice than me!” and “Barack America” and FDR presiding over the stock market collapse, and “They gonna put y’all back in chains!” and “what’s the number again?” when plugging the ACA exchange website, after eight incredible, wonderful years of comedy, Joe Biden is giving the final speech of his life tonight.

I might cry when he’s introduced.  I probably will be crying when he walks away, although odds are it will be from laughing so hysterically at what he screws up this time. 

Please – if you believe in a higher power?  Please ask that higher power to give us one more instant classic, out of Joe Biden tonight.  Because there’s only one person who can top telling a quadrapalegic to stand up … and that’s the man who told a voter that "you literally cannot enter a 7-11 without an Indian accent".

And folks?  He wasn't joking!

God, I wish Biden had run.  I really, really, really wish Joe Biden had run.

But at least tonight?  For one last time?


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Tonight also, should be a night every person in our fine metropolitan area we call home should be tuned in, to see potential greatness on a national stage for the first time.

Because Rockhurst graduate Tim Kaine will accept the nomination for the Vice Presidency, and give the first major national speech of his life a little after 9pm CT tonight.  I frankly think this is cool.  We haven’t had a “local” connection to a national ticket in twenty years, since Bob Dole was the Republican nominee.  How cool is it that one of us, is a coin flip bet to be the next vice president?  I think it’s awesome. 


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And so, we reach Day Three.  According to Real Clear Politics (which other than Nate Silver, is about as accurate as they come), "House of Wings" is up seven points nationally.  He's carrying all four key swing states -- Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Virginia -- that will probably decide this election.

Tonight, we as a nation need to see the grown-ups in the room -- and I am fully aware of the utter hypocrisy of referring to Joe Biden as a "grown-up in the room" -- we need the grown-ups in the room to tell the Bernie b*tches to assume the position.  We need the party statesmen and women to LEAD.  And ideally not from behind.

Tonight is the night that Mr. Obama, Mr. Biden, Mr. Bloomberg, and perhaps most importantly, Mr. Kaine, need to save this candidacy, because this candidacy is the only hope to save the Republic.

I pray to every God -- every God there ever was, or is, or will be, and the universe entire -- that Mr's Obama, Biden, Bloomberg, and Kaine, are up to the task at hand.  Because it is monumental.

Last night was worse than "one step up, two steps back", as Bruce Springsteen would say.  Last night was forty five steps in abject retreat, without a thing to show for it.

Here's to praying this isn't 2004 all over again -- where the Captain Oats ( *cough ISIS cough* ) in the room is ignored, before it's too late to ignore it ...

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

dnc night one: the tone is set ...

“If I could turn the pages
In time?  Then I’d rearrange
Just a day or two.
(Close my, close my, close my) Eyes.

But I couldn’t find a way;
So I’ll settle for one day?
To believe in you.
(Tell me, tell me, tell me) Lies.

Tell me lies!
Tell me sweet little lies!
Tell me lies!
Tell me, tell me lies!

Oh no, no –
You can’t disguise!
You can’t disguise –
No you can’t disguise!

Tell me lies!
Tell me sweet little lies!” …


--------------------

I am still working on the recap of “House of Wings”’s acceptance speech.  I hope to have it up by tomorrow.

But in the meantime, since time marches on, no matter what we do …

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There were precisely three solid to almost great speeches last night in Philadelphia.  One of them was totally expected.  One of them I’m guessing maybe one out of every seventeen people who read this, actually caught.  And the third came from a man who I believe Secretary Clinton is going to really regret passing over for the Vice Presidential slot.

But a lack of high-quality speeches in and of itself, isn’t a problem for the DNC and the Democrat candidate this year.  In fact, I’d argue it’s a blessing in disguise.  Let’s face it, Secretary Clinton is just not a good public speaker.  She runs a very real risk of being overshadowed every night at her convention.  The only person who even approached a level of greatness last night was First Lady Michelle Obama, who gave one of …

… (stevo sighing in disgust at even having to say this) …

Look it.  If you cannot take a step back – regardless of your politics – and appreciate a great speech when you see it, then why bother to watch any speech?  I would never vote for Mrs. Obama’s husband.  But that was a tremendous speech she gave last night.  If you cannot take a step back, and realize the power of one paragraph she spoke:

“That is the story of this country, the story that has brought me to this stage tonight, the story of generations of people who felt the lash of bondage, the shame of servitude, the sting of segregation, but who kept on striving and hoping and doing what needed to be done (sk: I’m adding italics for the money shot) so that today?  I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves.  I watch my daughters – two beautiful, intelligent, young black women – playing with their dogs on the White House lawn!”

If you cannot appreciate the power of that one statement of truth, then go bury your head back in the sand, or crawl back under whatever rock you’ve been living under.  I noted this eight years ago, and given the incredible and inspiring progress made for true equality in the Obama years, it deserves to be hammered home even more just how much for the better this nation has become in the last fifty years – when Mr. Obama was born?  It was illegal for his parents to marry.  Today?  You are free to marry the legal spouse you love, free and clear from indwelt discrimination from the government, and ideally from any of your fellow citizens.

Mrs. Obama also was seemingly the only person *, out of the sixty one who spoke last night, who actually focused on the enemy the party faces.  The enemy isn’t Bernie Backers; the enemy isn’t Clintonistas like myself.  The enemy isn’t the DNC, it isn’t the incompetent Debbie Wasserman-Schulz, it isn’t the super delegates. 

The enemy, fellow Democrats, is Donald J. Trump “House of Wings”.  Period.  Mr. Lincoln once famously noted that “a house divided against itself, cannot stand”.  It is absolutely ridiculous ** that the First Lady was apparently the only person in the palace once known as “Comcast Country” ***, who gets it.

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(*: I gotta admit, Sarah Silverman actually made me laugh last night.  I have never found her to be funny before, in any role or capacity.  I was laughing out loud during most of her time at the podium.)

(**: second best line of the night, Ms. Silverman to her fellow Bernie backers: “you look ridiculous!”)

(***: now called Wells Fargo Center.  Only the Democrats would hold a convention in an arena named for a major banking institution … when one of the key planks of the platform, is the destruction of the major banking institutions.)

--------------------

The most powerful speech of the night, was amongst the first, and came on almost at the same time as I got back to the Casa de Stevo and fired up CSPAN on the screen.  An eleven year old girl from Nevada, a legal United States citizen, who was born here to two illegal immigrants, pleading with the nation to come to its senses and have mercy on her and her family.  She noted the fear, the pure fear, she feels knowing that she might get home from school one day, to find her parents have been deported.

I personally strongly favor a path to permanent status for every illegal immigrant in this country that isn’t wanted by law enforcement for anything other than their illegal status.  I do NOT favor citizenship for that grouping of persons, but I do favor a permanent residency status, to prevent tragedies like needlessly tearing families apart.  On this point, I also loved Eva Longoria’s comment that “My family didn’t cross the border; the border crossed us!”, referencing the fact that Texas and most of the Southwest used to be a part of Mexico.

There has to be a common sense middle ground to the issue of illegal immigration.  You won’t get that common sense middle ground out of “House of Wings”.  You at least have a chance to get it, out of Secretary Clinton.

It figures that in an election in which both sides cannot descend into the sewer fast enough, it takes an eleven year old, to address the Captain Oats in the room.

Because of course an eleven year old, would act like the grown-up, in a 007 slapper fight between “House of Wings” and “Crooked” Hillary.

--------------------

The other speech I loved – and I mean loved – last night, was Senator Booker’s, which led into the First Lady’s comments.

Some are arguing against its effectiveness, given that he got pretty, uuh, fired up at times.  To which I say, so what?  What’s wrong with showing a little passion?  God forbid you speak like you believe in what you’re saying!  I know when I get into a discussion about something I’m passionate about – especially if I’m presenting my side of said something, and the person I’m speaking to disagrees with me?  I tend to get animated.  I tend to get loud.  I tend to get agitated.

Cory Booker last night, was agitated.  And it was awesome.

Because like it or not, Mr. Booker NAILED where this idea known as “American Exceptionalism” comes from:

“In this city, our founders put forth a Declaration of Independence, but let me tell you, they also made a historic declaration of interdependence.  They knew that if this country was to survive and thrive, we had to make an unusual and extraordinary commitment to each other.

Look, I respect and value the ideals of individualism and self-reliance.  But rugged individualism didn’t defeat the British!  It didn’t get us to the moon!  It didn’t build our nation’s highways!  Rugged individualism didn’t map the human genome!  We did that together!

(sk: I’m adding italics for the money shot)

And so this?  Is the high call of patriotism.  Patriotism is love of country.  But you can’t love your country, without loving your countrymen and countrywomen.  Now, we don’t always have to agree, but we must be there for each other, we must empower each other, we must find the common ground, and we must build bridges across our differences to pursue the common good!”

This, readers and readettes, is the one gigantic, fatal mistake “House of Wings” made last week, and I suppose it is to Secretary Clinton’s credit that she’s been hammering on his one letter / one word mistake ever since.

And that mistake?

Is the word “I”.

Nowhere in “House of Wings”’s speech did he reference “us”.  Did he reference “my fellow Americans”.  It was always “I”.  I will do this.  I will do that.  I will fix this.  I will repair that.

Most people above the age of three have figured out, no man is a messiah, and noone can go it alone and succeed.  “House of Wings” thinks he can solve 230 years of national issues by himself.  Good luck with that.  Because you can’t do it, anymore than George Washington could, anymore than Abraham Lincoln could, anymore than FDR or LBJ or Ronald Reagan or Barack Obama could.

I loved Mr. Booker’s speech.  I just really wish it had been given about forty eight hours later, than it actually was.

--------------------

What surprised me the most last night, was how utterly ineffective Senator Warren was.  She wasn’t “holy sh*t, Paul Simon is LOADED!!!!!!” **** ineffective, but that was the biggest dud of the night, bar none.  There was no passion, there was no drive.  She was just … there.  I expected better.

I thought we got out of Crazy Drunk Uncle Bernie exactly what we expected – a total sellout and betrayal of his voters.  You don’t mess with the Clinton’s, pal.  Ask Vince Foster.  Ask Ron Brown.  Ask Bob Torticelli.  Ask any of Bill’s “youthful indiscretions”.  If there are two people in this country you don’t f*ck with, it is William Jefferson and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Although there was a hysterical moment, when the camera panned the floor, and it focused in on Susan Sarandon, who looked about as happy to be there as I look when I’m forced to go to Mass once a year for Christmukkah.  (Namely, looking anything other than “just happy to be here”, in the words of Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Color Commentator Emeritus, Dan Dierdorf.)

Overall, for night one, it wasn’t bad.  Just like the Republicans on Night One, the “powers that be” managed to hold the rebellion to a minimum, and to pretty much confine it to the afternoon cession, when nobody is paying attention anyway.

Now comes the real challenge – there’s no more cow-towing to Bernie and his bums.  There’s no more peace offerings being offered.  They were given most of night one.  They’re not getting nights three or four.

And with former President Clinton as your keynote tonight (along with Clintonista loyalist Governor Terry McAuliffe of Virginia – which is THE state that will decide this election, 104 days out)?  They’re not getting night dos either.

So congrats, you Bernie bums.  Your “revolution” got you exactly one night at a national convention.  It did NOT get you a nomination for either major slot.  It did NOT get you the elimination of “super delegates”, it did NOT get you damned near anything you wanted into the party platform, it got you literally nothing.  You sold your soul, your integrity, your everything, not only to a man who stabbed you in the back when the moment mattered?  But you have literally NOTHING to show for your efforts, save for one semi-coherent speech in which your messiah literally threw you under the bus, for the one thing you professed to hate above all others.

That magical place formerly known as “Dustyland”?  Has never been defined more perfectly – you Bernie bums sold everything, to get nothing in return!  

Other than the loss of everything you swore mattered to you.

“Tell me lies!  Tell me sweet little lies!”

“Oh no, no!  You can’t disguise!  No, you can’t disguise!”

You’d better come home to the base this fall, Bernie bums.  Us PUMA Democrats, for the most part, swallowed hard and choked down the last eight years.  Now it’s your turn.

And if you think failing Secretary Clinton come November isn’t going to be remembered forever, by Secretary Clinton and her supporters (of which I am a die-hard one)?

Then kids? 

Let me tell you about a former Secretary of State by the name of Ron Brown …

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(****: he was beyond sh*t faced drunk last night.  Sorry.  It happens.)

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Three last points:

1. I think tonight is THE biggest mistake either side has made to date.  America does not want to see a bunch of mothers of murdered criminals and thugs on their television screens.  And sorry, Black Lives Murder Matter, but “The Gentle Giant” was shot after robbing a convenience store.  Freddie Gray died because he resisted arrest after a credible crime, and last time I checked, your movement is OH FOR FOUR at getting a conviction (and deservedly so).  Trayvon Martin beat the sh*t out of George Zimmerman, before Mr. Zimmerman did what any person with an IQ above the pavement his head was bouncing off of, would do.

NOBODY wants to hear this, other than the race-baiters and people looking for a reason to loot and/or riot.

(Which reminds me, I need a new TV.  Feel free to riot on South Blue Ridge Boulevard tonight, folks!  In the words of the late Jack Buck: “go crazy folks!  Go crazy!”)

(And which also reminds me, sweet Jesus, do NOT take that previous () seriously.  In the perfect words of Ms. Silverman last night: “stop being ridiculous”!)

2. I also think having Bill go tonight, is a GIGANTIC mistake.  I get wanting Chelsea to introduce Hillary on Thursday, if only because it counters the incredible fellating Ivanka gave her father a week ago.

But let’s be honest here – who do you truly want introducing Hillary Rodham Clinton to the nation, as our potential next President?  Her daughter … or the (at worst) second greatest President of most of us reading this’ lifetimes?

And finally ...

3. 61 speakers last night.  Not ONE mention of "evil in our time", aka ISIS.  I fear this is going to turn into 2004 again -- especially after a solid Night One last night.  You remember 2004?  When for three days and a few hours, my party successfully convinced the country it was still September 10, 2001.  Then Senator Kerry "reported for duty", and spent an hour laying out foreign policy as his major selling point.  I still remember, I turned to "The Voice of Reason" when that speech was over and simply said "he just sh*t all over his convention.  He's going to lose."

(Other than that whole Aaron Rodgers or DJ debate with "Mr. Reason" from Draft Day 2005?  That might be my finest moment in prognosticating.  Also, there's at least a 22.46% chance I remembered that night in August 2004 wrong, and it was "Mr. Reason" who noted Mr. Kerry just took a gigantic squat on his convention.  Either way, we were both right on that one -- Mr. Kerry lost the election because of that speech.  I fear Hillary is going to make the same mistake forty eight hours from now.)


I’ll be back at some point tomorrow to recap Night Dos.  I am dreading this night like few convention nights ever.  This is going to be an utter disaster … at least until the networks resume coverage at 9pm CT, and what passes as "The Voice of Reason" in the modern Democrat Party takes the podium to close the night down … 

Saturday, July 23, 2016

rnc night four: everything up to the speech, and one epic rant to boot ...

"Don't ask --
Tell me how you want me!
I can feel it in your heartbeat!
I know you're liking?  What you see!

Hold me --
I'll give you all that you need!
Wrap your love around me!
You're so excited, I can feel you getting hotter!

Oh baby!

I'll take you down!
I'll take you down!
Where no one's ever gone before!

If you want more?
If you want more?
More?  More?

Jump!  (For my love!)
Jump in!  (Feel my touch!)
Jump! (If you want to taste my kisses in the night wind?)
Jump!  For my love!

Jump!  (I know my heart?  Can make you happy!)
Jump In!  (You know these arms?  Can fill you up!)
Jump!  (If you want to taste my kisses in the night wind?)
Jump!  For my love! ..."


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What?  You thought I'd pick anything other than "Jump!", to open the recap of "House of Wings" speech?

I mean, come on -- it's Donald J. Trump's House of Wings!

Trump!  (You know our wings?  Will make you happy!)
Trump in!  (You know our wings?  Will fill you up!)
Trump!  (If you want a good meal and a good deal?)
Donald Trump?  House of Wings!

Again, gun to my head?  That's one of the ten greatest sketches in Saturday Night Live history.

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For the first time in my life, peoples and peepettes?

I honestly am frightened for the future of our nation.

Because folks?  Donald J. Trump, "affectionately" known on this site as "House of Wings"?  Donald J. Trump, a man who I have sworn on everything valuable to me I wouldn’t vote for if you put a gun to my head and cocked the trigger?

Donald J. Trump hit it to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base Thursday night.

That was good, folks.  That was damned good.  Sh*t, I even found myself applauding or nodding in agreement at about half of what he had to say.  And I'm so far in the tank for Secretary Clinton, it's a wonder my head isn't permanently attached up her ass at this point.

To use "House of Wings" phrasieology (is that a word?  I guess it now is!), to speak as "House of Wings" speaks?  That was a great, great speech Thursday night.  Very great.

There is no one who will speak next week that can approach what we've listened to the last two nights, out of the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates the Republicans are offering, save for possibly former President Clinton.  And let's be brutally honest here -- Hillary can't afford for Bill to be Bill.  It'll only put a gigantic spotlight on what she's not, and what she's not capable of, and that's connecting with us, the voters, watching at home, in a real and genuine way.  She's just not camera-friendly.  It sucks, but it's reality.

"House of Wings"?  Is a natural when the record light is on.

I now truly fear "House of Wings" is going to win.  If someone as die-hard pro-Clinton as myself has to acknowledge "he not only made sense, I agreed with him on over half of what he had to say"?  If a partisan hack like me is seriously re-thinking that partisanship?

What are the actual undecideds thinking this morning?

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Here's the thing about Thursday night that nobody seems to have picked up on yet.  "House of Wings" acceptance speech?  Was pretty much the ONLY moment last night, that fit the typical Republican template -- and the only part of that speech that truly hit the typical Republican template was that it was a rich white dude talking.

The night opened with a semi-decent speech out of the late Jerry Falwell's son.  I resigned myself to an hour of boring to open the festivities, punctuated by brief moments of fun when G E Smith and the band got to perform.

Then came the second speaker, a (my uncle bill voice) Afro-American pastor from South Carolina named Mark Burns.  The moment he opened his mouth, I put down the glass of shiraz I relied heavily on Thursday night, and just sat, stared, and listened in amazement.  Here, on the stage at the Republican convention, is a black pastor blasting President Obama for his blatant race-baiting and his refusal to stand for equality for all races -- the best line being "there are only three colors that matter in this country: red, white, and blue!"

(Warning: Mount Stevo is about to erupt.  I repeat -- Mount Stevo is about to erupt.  Proceed through the rest of this section with caution.  I repeat -- proceed through the rest of this section with caution.  Because Mount Stevo is about to erupt like it rarely if ever does.)

Pastor Burns set the tone for the evening -- that for the fourth straight night, the Republicans were going to use the pair God gave them, to state the Captain Oats in the room: that Barack Hussein Obama is an utter and total failure as a President in every f*cking way imaginable.  And finally, someone is going to hold him accountable for the utter and total depression and destruction he and he alone is responsible for.  There would be no let-up.  There would be no pause for regrouping and reinforcement.  Just more of the same: attack.  Attack.  Attack. 

No matter what?  Attack!  Attack!  Attack!

I've waited eight years for the Captain Oats in the room to be addressed.  I'm fairly certain that if you're reading this, you probably agree with that -- we've waited eight years to hear someone, anyone, in the Republican Party (or the Democrat Party, for that matter) state the obvious, to attack the utter incompetence, the utter failure, the utter and total disaster that the Obama years have been for this nation.  We are led by a man who has literally broken every single promise he's made to us, the electorate.  Every policy, every program, every single thing he has put his hands on, is undeniably WORSE than before he got involved.  Jesus, it's like Dustin has led this country over the last eight years.  The failure, incompetence, and utter refusal to own the consequence of choices made, is that profound.

Finally, after eight bleeping years, finally, someone is calling him on it!  Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!  Pass the champagne and uncork that bastard!  Finally!  For eight years, this President has literally gotten away with all of it.  He has destroyed health insurance in this country with his indefensible Affordable Care Act.  He is literally bankrupting every single one of us, through skyrocketing insurance costs -- and that assumes you can find an insurance plan available.  How's that whole "you can keep your doctor" promise working out for you?  Are you spending $2,500.00 less every year on health insurance, as Mr. Obama promised you would?

He has literally doubled the national debt, and our roads and infrastructure are still third-world quality.  We pissed away $860,000,000,000 (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change to rebuild our nation's roads, and we literally have NOTHING to show for it, other than owing that 860 billion and change to the Chinese. 

One out of every three people that draw breath in this country don't work.  Let that sink in -- one in every three people you see?  Is living off of your tax dollars, or off of your income.  Either way, you are all but assured to be poorer today, than you were when "the one we've been waiting for" took office seven and a half years of failure ago.

Revenues to the Treasury have NEVER been higher.  $3,248,723,000,000 (harrison ford in “clear and present danger” voice) and change was collected at the federal level in 2015, per Treasury Department statistics.  THREE POINT TWO FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS!  And it STILL left us 439 billion and change shy of a balanced budget!  At some point, you cannot tax people anymore.  We are at that point, thanks solely, only, and completely to the policies of the second worst President in United States history – Barack Hussein Obama.

(Short of ending the Republic, nothing Mr. Obama does can ever make him sink below James Buchanan.  In the interest of fairness, I suppose that needs to be stated.)

Mr. Obama promised that the rising waters caused by global warming would subside.  When's the last time you didn't hear a scientist or climatologist b*tching about how much worse global warming is getting?  Mr. Obama promised that he would restore our respect and standing in the world.  This nation is now so not feared, so not respected?  That North Korea openly laughs at us.  That red line in the sand in Syria?  Where is it?  Why is Bashar Assad still in power, if as Mr. Obama promised, he would respond with force if Mr. Assad killed his own citizens?

Mr. Obama promised to keep this nation safe from attack.  How many more terrorist attacks do we have to endure before he'll fight back?  He decided to lead from behind in Libya.  The end result?  Dead Americans killed in a predictable ambush at Benghazi that he had the gall to blame on a Youtube! video nobody had ever seen, and then the brazenness to send Secretary Clinton and Ambassador Rice out on every Sunday morning show to sell his lies.

(To say nothing of doubling down on the lie, by jailing the video producer.  Uuh, Barry?  If the video isn't at fault -- as your own Secretary of State confirmed in an email to her daughter as the attack was still underway, for Christ's sake! -- why are you jailing the producer.  Oh, and while I'm asking sir, where in the f*ck were you on the evening of September 11, 2012?  Was prepping for that Vegas fundraiser the next day, more important than an attack on American soil?  Oh, and why are you going to Vegas in the first place?  I thought you told us all in 2009 that trips to Vegas were why the economy collapsed, that businesses lost focus of their workers and focused on executive perks?  Christ, EVERY word out of this man's mouth is a lie!  Every damned word!)

Because after all, if Benghazi was labeled for what it proved to be – a terrorist attack on 9/11?  Well, that might destroy the utter bullsh*t lie that we were winning the war on terror.  We’re not.  We’re losing, and every day Barack Obama occupies the Oval Office, we inch ever closer to the ultimate disaster: a dirty bomb attack on a major American city.

Which is more than possible, because Barry refuses to enforce immigration laws.  Look it, I agree with the DREAM Act.  But law is law.  Either it must be enforced, or it must be repealed, period.  The next time that man enforces an immigration law?  Will be the first.  And the last time I checked?  The President doesn't have the right to repeal law.  Only Congress can do that.  If Congress won't work with you sir?  Perhaps you shouldn't have dropped the "I won, I don't have to listen to you" blast you've delivered non-stop for eight years.

He used the IRS to target conservative groups.  That alone is such an unconscionable act, he should be tried for treason.  It's not Hillary who needs a "lock 'em up!" chant aimed at her -- it's Barack Hussein Obama.  Not even Richard Nixon was so evil that he used government agencies to target his enemies.  And let that sink in -- ISIS is a "JV squad" to Mr. Obama.  But conservative Christians, he'll get fired up about and attack.  No matter how many innocent people are killed in the name of the "peaceful" religion of Islam?  He won't act.  He won't respond.  Those mean, bigoted, racist, homophobic Christians, they're the real enemy to this man.  I mean, clearly, Christians are driving into crowds of people in Nice and targeting them for death.  Clearly, conservatives are storming gay night clubs in Orlando and killing people because of who they prefer to have sex with.  Clearly, people who didn't vote for "the one we have waited for" are entering the workplace and shooting everyone in sight.  Clearly, Tea Party members are openly targeting law enforcement officers and executing them, because the color of the officers skin doesn't match theirs.

Mr. Obama promised to get us out of Iraq, get us out of Afghanistan.  We're still there!  He promised to bring peace in our time.  He's the first President ever to have a war on his hands every f*cking day of his administration!  Let that sink in -- not even Abraham Lincoln was at war every day of his time in office.  Even Abraham Lincoln managed six weeks of peace.  Barry can't even manage six seconds of peace.

We were told by Mr. Obama, when Willard correctly identified Russia and Vladimir Putin as a credible threat to this nation, that "the 1980s called and want their foreign policy back".  In the four years since that debate, Mr. Putin has taken the Crimea, can take the Ukraine whenever he wants to, and is just biding his time before taking the Baltic States.  He can do this?  Because he known Barack Obama will do nothing to stop him.  I mean, identify one spot on this planet where the United States is respected and/or feared anymore?  Because I'll be damned if I can think of one.

What we have witnessed this past week?  Is what we should have witnessed four years ago in Tampa!  Willard didn't have the balls to launch.  "House of Wings" may be a lot of things, most of which repulse me.  But at least he doesn't cower in fear against the threats and challenges in our time.  He's no George McClellan; he's Robert E. Lee.  “House of Wings” won’t pause at the gates of Richmond.  “House of Wings” will bulldoze the f*cking gates!  As Mr. Lincoln so famously noted of General Grant, after the single most indefensible attack in the Civil War, the Union assault at Cold Harbor in which literally a thousand Union soldiers were being shot per minute: "I can't spare this man.  He fights!"

“House of Wings”?  The argument can now be made that those of us who love this country cannot spare this man anymore.  At least he'll verbally fight the real enemy!

Finally, after eight years of cowardice, the Republican Party has chosen to fight!  Finally, a credible opposition has been found!  Finally, someone is calling the dreams lies of Barack onto the carpet!  Finally, someone is standing up for common sense!  Finally, someone is labeling Barack Hussein Obama for exactly who and what he is: a pathological liar, an utterly inept and incompetent commander in chief, and an absolute childish coward, who refuses to own the consequence of his choices, and doesn’t have the balls to look someone in the face and take them on. 

(God, it really is like Dustin has been our President the last eight years.  No wonder he voted for this embarrassment of a "leader".)

As Fran Tarkenton noted Thursday night (in another quality speech, although given he had to follow up Pastor Burns, nobody will remember it): "What the hell is going on out there?"  Barry will fight for gender neutral bathrooms.  He won't lift a finger to fight evil in our time.  Which one is more important to defeat -- the male / female sign on a restroom door, or ruthless terrorists slaughtering innocent citizens simply for drawing breath?  What matters more -- defeating ISIS or defeating conservatism?  Who's the real enemy -- terrorism, or moral values?

Whatever one may think of this convention (which was bar none, the most entertaining one I've ever watched)?  At least the sleeping bear known as "credible opposition" has finally been woke the f*ck up!

Because when you actually hold the Obama years up to scrutiny?

You have no choice but to beg, plead, and sell your soul, to endure anything other than what we've been through, these last seven and a half years.  Not even hell itself can be as awful, as painful, as horrible, as the Obama years have been.

And that, peoples and peepettes, is why "House of Wings" has a frighteningly decent chance to win this election.  He's not running on his record.  He's running against Barry's.  He's stolen the Democrat playbook from 2006.  Offer nothing.  Criticize everything.  It worked so well for Democrats in 2006, that they got away with nominating an empty suit with no record, and won in a landslide two years later.  

No person with an IQ above room temperature can deny, EVERYTHING about the Barack Obama administration has been an utter, total, and devastating disaster.

As I've noted so many times this week: whatever you may think of "House of Wings", you have to concede, there's a genius to his madness.  He always -- always! -- plans three moves ahead.  He always -- always! -- out-strategorizes his opposition.  Ted Cruz?  Thought he was putting "House of Wings" in his place.  Instead, he committed political suicide.  Showcasing his family night after night?  Thought to be a disaster.  Instead, who could listen to those kids and NOT conclude the man is a great parent, a loving father, a devoted granddad?

What can you attack about him?  If "House of Wings" is a pathological liar, then what is Hillary Clinton?  If "House of Wings" is a serial cheater, then what is Bill Clinton?  If "House of Wings" degrades women, then what does Bill Clinton do?  If "House of Wings" uses his kids as props?  Then what is Chelsea Clinton?  If "House of Wings" gets rich using other people's gullibility?  Then what is the Clinton Family Foundation?  If "House of Wings" ... never mind.  I think you get the point.

He's running against Barry's record.  When your resume is that sh*tty, like Barry's is?  Why even bother to submit your plan?  Because the one question every voter who gives a f*ck about this country should be asking, is how can "House of Wings" be WORSE, than what we have now?

Because who amongst us is actually better off, because of Barack Hussein Obama's policies, decisions, choices, and actions?

Yeah.

It's "House of Wings" election to lose now.  And I'm going to make a prediction that will seem absurd right now ... but come a month from now, will prove to be true.  "House of Wings" will get a better bounce coming out of the Democrats convention, than out of his own.  He'll be up four to five points by Labor Day.  Because what you saw this week was an unabashed love for this country.  What you saw these last four days was a fight FOR the United States we were all raised in.  What you'll see next week?  Is an attack AGAINST the United States we were all raised in.  It's going to backfire spectacularly.  And Hillary will have nobody to blame for it, other than herself.

The American people don't want "The Gentle Giant"'s mother on stage.  Your son robbed a convenience store.  He didn't have his hands up.  He stole, he lied, he died.  It happens.  

We don't want to see Freddie Gray's family.  Your kid was in the back of a paddy wagon for a reason, and that reason wasn't because of the color of his skin.  We don't want to hear a bunch of race baiters like Reverend Jackson and Reverend Sharpton.  You've had fifty years to fix the problem, Reverends.  How much more time do you f*cking need?  

The American people don't want to hear about the need for more government control in our lives.  The government is failing miserably at everything is currently does!  

We don't want a parade of victims whining, moaning, and b*tching about how awful their lives are.  My fellow Democrats?  I hate to break it to you ... but we've controlled the god damned country for eight years!  At what point is it our own damned fault, that everything in this nation is a dumpster fire raging out of control? 

3:59pm, Saturday, July 23, 2016.  I need a very, very stiff drink, to deal with the reality created by Thursday night, the reality created by last week.  And that reality is this:

"House of Wings" is at worst, a coin flip bet to win now.

God save the Republic.

(And ... scene.)

--------------------
  
Funniest moment of Thursday night -- a MSNBC reporter was on the convention floor interviewing some delegate, and literally said she wanted the Secret Service to investigate and charge the delegates for their "lock her up" chant.  What, pray tell, is illegal or threatening about a passionate response to a legitimate question -- did Hillary Clinton break the law by using a private email server?

Martha Stewart was jailed for far less, after all.

--------------------

Peter Theil.

In "Gone With the Wind", there's a famous line uttered as the first cannonball of General Sherman's artillery began reigning down on the city.  "Yankees in Georgia!  How did they ever get here?"

I found myself asking a similar question Thursday night.  "An openly gay man speaking in prime time real estate at the Republican National Convention!  How in the hell did we ever get here?"

If nothing else, "House of Wings" has finally forced a public acceptance of tolerance, inclusion, and diversity upon the rich white dude society known as the Republican Party.  Four years ago Peter Theil would have been booed off the stage, Ted Cruz style.  Thursday?  Standing ovation, both at the convention and in my main room ... and both ovations were sincere and genuine.

Again, for about the sixtieth time, there is pure genius in "House of Wings"' madness.  How can the Democrats attack this convention?  (Note: they will, but they'll look ridiculous.)  Every minority group, every sexual preference was given a speaking spot, and was not only tolerated, but genuinely cheered and applauded.  

Consider: in one sixty minute stretch Thursday night, you heard from (I believe in order):

* a conversative Christian Baptist preacher (white male).
* a firebrand Southern preacher (black male).
* a retired NFL Hall of Fame quarterback (white male).
* the head of Korean Americans for Trump (asian female).
* a gay innovator and businessman (white male).

And that doesn't include "House of Wings" daughter, who was ... we're getting there.

Save for the first one, could you envision any of those people speaking at the RNC as recently as a month ago?

This was the most bat sh*t crazy, most unpredictable convention I've ever watched.  This was must see television, not because it was so god-awful you couldn't turn away ... but because you actually felt better after watching it.  You saw a splintered party unify, through putting the most hated arrogant piece of sh*t in the party in his place.  You saw diversity and youth and the future on full display.  For all of my party's talk about owning the future, look at who our front-runners were: a 69 year old who should be in jail right now, and a 76 year old who redefines the meaning of the phrase "bat sh*t crazy".  Where's the youth in there?  Where's the color in there?  (Where's the honesty in there?)

We're in serious, serious trouble, fellow donkeys.  I thought the moment "House of Wings" got the nomination it was over.

This election is anything but.

--------------------

Ivanka Trump.

What a speech.  She perfectly -- and I mean perfectly -- laid out the world view from a millenial perspective.  People my age and younger aren't married or invested into a party.  We get invested in the candidate, regardless of party.  We aren't married to traditional social values; we question everything.

(In case you don't believe me, I have voted in five Presidential elections.  I voted for Clinton in 96, Gore in 00, Bush in 04 (the only regret), McCain in 08, Willard in 12.  I am voting Clinton in 16.)

And again, the question that has to be asked, and she forcefully asked it, as only someone not invested in the last two generations of this country can credibly ask: after fifty years of liberal progressivism, of de facto socialism being the guiding force in this country, are we better off because of it?

Or has this last eight years exposed people to the fact that socialism has never worked, will never work, and leaves everyone worse off and more miserable, than before it's tried?

And yet again, what a credit to "House of Wings", how talented, how smart, how utterly fearless, his children are.  I could never stand on a convention stage and give an address that not only was heard by millions of people, but to have the pressure of introducing your father to the nation -- a nation that at best, was seriously skeptical about what was being sold them -- squarely on your shoulders, as Ms. Trump did Thursday night?  Amazing.

One final thing: of COURSE I noticed the fan blowing on her hair too.  Seriously guys -- unless you aren't into chicks, was any one of us bothered by that Thursday night?  I was impressed, to be honest.  If you know you're hot, why not flaunt it?  

(Or to quote Brad Paisley: dammit?  I'm still a guy!)

--------------------

I intend to have my reaction to "House of Wings" speech up by midday Monday at the latest.  I want to get into some detail with it, especially given that Secretary Clinton is hitting hard on what I thought was the ONLY (jaron rush tattoo voice) weakeness in it -- he reliance on one letter of the alphabet.

Until then?  (the late, great michael conrad voice) Let's be careful out there ...

Thursday, July 21, 2016

rnc night three: best convention night ever?

"You sit there and call me,
A liar and a thief?
I just wish you'd pin
A rose on me!

Now you won't even
Come out and take a bow?
Cryin' won't help you now!
Cryin' won't help you now!" ...

-- "Cryin' Won't Help You Now" by Ben Harper.

--------------------

Note: any links will either be added later, or never added.  I'm posting from work, where damned near every site under the sun is blocked.

--------------------

In the words of the late, great Robin: "holy sh*tballs Batman!"

Night Three of the Republican National Convention has come and (sadly) gone.  I guess, in the interest of full disclosure, that I should note that I am a political junkie.  I love a quality political drama ... but live for those moments of comedy that make politics so freaking neat.

Last night, we got both.

Say what you want to about "House of Wings", you gotta give him credit -- this has been one awesome convention to watch unfold.

And last night?

Is gonna be damned near impossible to top ...

--------------------

I missed the first half of the convention last night.  I went to the Royals game with some friends, then my brother and I took my dad out to dinner for his birthday.  When I got back, it was right as Toddler Ted took the stage.

If anyone has any doubts remaining as to why this three year old is so hated by damned near everyone who has the misfortune of having to deal with him or work with him?  Last night showed you why.  What a pathetic, embarrassing, ridiculous showing Toddler Ted put on last night.

(I thought Savannah Guthrie on "Today" put it perfectly: Judas Cruz.  That's a great one.  It might be better than Lyin' Ted -- a name he proved to be 100% true, last night.)

Look it, if you can't stomach "House of Wings" and refuse to vote for him?  Fine, wonderful.  Welcome to the club.  But I can guarantee you this -- if I was invited to speak at a convention designed to convince the country to elect "House of Wings" to the White House?  I would do exactly what John Kasich did, exactly what Jeb Bush did, exactly what former Presidents Bush did: I'd decline the invitation, and state publically why I'm doing it.  And then I wouldn't get within 500 miles of the convention, to make damned sure everyone knows that I intend to, in the words of Toddler Ted, "vote my conscience".

(Which of course, begs the question, how can Toddler Ted vote his conscience?  He clearly doesn't have one.)

And in true Toddler Ted style, go figure -- everything he clearly intended to do last night?  Blew up in his face.  Toddler Ted did more to unify the party last night than anything "House of Wings" or his family or any other speaker could have done this week.  Toddler Ted unified the elephants last night.  I guarantee you that's why "House of Wings" -- who claims he personally vetted the speech two hours in advance -- let Toddler Ted speak.  He knew what a goldmine this was going to be.  Because irregardless of your thoughts and opinions on "House of Wings", he is the nominee.  Period.  Only a toddler would try to sabotage things at this point.  Only a petty whiny three year old throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get his way, would behave as Toddler Ted did last night.

I mean, the only thing I could think of when he crossed the Rubicon, and dropped his "vote your conscience" line that completely and totally just changed this race, the only thing I was thinking of, is the classic scene from "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", when Del and Neil are driving the wrong way, and a concerned motorist is frantically yelling at them, trying to get their attention:

(motorist) You're Going The Wrong Way!
(neil) What?
(motorist) You're Going The Wrong Way!
(neil to del) He says we're going the wrong way.
(del to neil) Oh, he's drunk!  How would he know which way we're going?
(neil to del) Yeah, how would he know which way we're going?
(neil to motorist) Thank you.  Thank you very much.
(del to motorist) Thank you!  (honks horn)  What a moron!

What a freaking idiot Toddler Ted is.  And what a brilliant move by "House of Wings", to let him walk right into the glass door face first.  (Like Secretary Kerry in London on Monday.  Seriously, what kind of an idiot walks into a glass door at 11 in the morning?)

I also loved how "House of Wings" timed his arrival to be right as Toddler Ted hit the final part of his speech -- the part Toddler Ted intended to end "House of Wings" run with, but instead just completely and totally sewed up the base.  I'm telling you, whatever you may think of "House of Wings", the man is a f*cking genius.

As really evidenced by ...

--------------------

Governor Mike Pence.

What a brilliant speech last night.  If "House of Wings" wins this thing (and for what it's worth, I actually think he's got a damned good chance), last night will be night people will point to as the turning point in this race.  You could tell the Governor was enjoying the hell out of the spotlight, and whoever wrote his speech deserves one hell of a raise this morning.  That was brilliant.

He was funny ("(House of Wings) is a man known for a large personality, a colorful style, and lots of charisma.  I guess he was looking for someone to balance out the ticket").  I love people who have a self-deprecating sense of humor, if only because nobody makes more fun of me, than me.  (It's one of my rules in life: "if you can't laugh at yourself, then you'll never be able to handle others laughing at you").

He absolutely nailed the Obama economy more perfectly than any person has to date ("They tell us this economy is the best we can do.  It's nowhere near the best we can do.  It's just the best that they can do").  He completely and totally sold the single biggest thing "House of Wings" has going for him -- he's not a politician ("Over in the other party, if the idea was to present the exact opposite of a political outsider, the exact opposite of an uncalculating truth teller?  Then on that score, you've got to hand it to the Democrats.  They outdid themselves this time").

I thought the best line of his speech -- other than the five or six that made me laugh out loud, they were genuinely funny -- was the line that nearly closed his speech, and damn if it isn't, uuh, damning, of what's coming next week:

"At the very moment when America is crying out for something different and new?  Democrats are about to anoint someone who represents everything this country is tired of".

When Governor Pence said that, I looked over at my brother, and said the following:

"Jesus.  They might actually win.  House of Wings might actually be our next President."

Folks?  Governor Pence was that damned good last night.  If I wasn't completely in the tank for Secretary Clinton, I'd listen tonight with two open ears, and possibly a whole eye wide, wide open as well.

--------------------

Three other things I forgot to mention, regarding last night.

First, I thought Newt Gingrich was great.  I've always liked Newt -- the last Republican prior to Paul Ryan that actually sought solutions with the Democrats, rather than cramming through their agenda or pouting like children when the other side rammed theirs through.  His rebuttal to Toddler Ted was perfect.

Second, I got a text from "The Voice of Reason" as I was heading to dinner: "G E Smith in the house!"  Hell yes!  If you don't know who G E Smith is kids, download the Saturday Night Live app, and pull up any season's episode from like season six through about season thirty.  G E Smith used to lead the house band.  He also is the spitting image of Daryl Hall.  (For years, I thought they were one and the same.  The lesson?  As always, I'm a f*cking idiot.)

And third, I thought Eric Trump was great.  Whatever one may think about "House of Wings", if his kids are even 1/1000th of a percent of a reflection of his parenting skills?  The man is one hell of a good dad.

--------------------

And so, the moment has arrived.  A little after 9pm CT tonight, Donald J. Trump will formally accept the Republican nomination, and address the nation in that capacity.  Only God knows what he's going to say.  Part of me is terrified -- because again, this isn't a man prone to stick to the script.  But the vast majority of me is so pumped for this.  Love him or hate him, "House of Wings" knows how to give a speech.  Forty million tuned in for Melania on Monday.  I guarantee you tonight is going to see viewership levels unseen for politics since what, 1976?  1980?  Whenever the hell (mean gene okerlund voice) your cable or satellite provider became a viable option, so the early 1980s?

Donald Trump has his date with destiny tonight.  Whatever it may eventually be noted for being, at least we know one thing going into it.  If only to ensure this gets said at least one more time on this site, ladies and gentlemen, the legendary, the greatness that is, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner.

(the great mr. hugh m. hefner voice) This is going to be something ... REALLY special!

And since this is politics week, there's only one thing to say in response to that.

(the late senator edward m. kennedy voice) You can bet your ass it's going to be!

--------------------

I'm not sure if I'll live blog tonight or not.  I had some issues with it on Monday -- for some reason, Blogger posts any updates to a, uuh, post, as a separate post.  If I can figure out a way to get around that (and I have a few ideas), I'll probably live blog up until at least "House of Wings" preps for his arrival.  I'm assuming his daughter will be introducing him; if she's even 20% as good as Eric and Junior were the last two nights, it'll be a solid introduction.  (Given that she was saved for last, I'm guessing she'll somehow be better than her brothers were the last couple nights.)

But even if I don't blog it, I will recap it tomorrow.

Because if last night was the greatest convention night of my life (and it was)?

I cannot WAIT to see how "House of Wings" is going to top it ...

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

rnc night two: the night hillary won the presidency ...

“Another sleepless night I can’t explain.
Somebody said they heard me call you name.
The radio won’t let you leave my mind;
I know it’s over, but I don’t know why!

Should’ve known better!
Than to fall in love with you!
Now love?  Is just
A faded memory.

Should’ve known better!
Now I’m a prisoner to this pain!
And my heart?
Still aches?  For you …”


--------------------

There was once a man named James Petigru.  A man famously known as “the only Unionist in South Carolina”.  As secession reached its apex in December of 1860, he truly was the only Unionist in South Carolina.  And yet, no matter how rabid secession fever became, Mr. Petigru was tolerated, was almost deified – held up as an example of how people viewed each other, even in the heart of a crisis.

On December 20, 1860, as the bells began ringing from St. Michael’s Cathedral, to announce that by a vote of 169-0, “the union that existed between the United States and South Carolina is hereby dissolved”, Mr. Petigru invited his dinner guests out onto the patio, but not to celebrate.

His comment was as accurate as it was simple.  “Would you care to join me gentlemen, to watch the South celebrate its’ own funeral”.

(His more famous quote being: "South Carolina is too small for a republic, and too small large for an insane asylum".  (Pause).  Yeah, both quotes fit last night perfectly.)

Yesterday – Tuesday, July 19, 2016 – the Republican Party committed suicide.  What’s amazing is that you would think the self-inflicted pill swallow choked down with a bottle of Jack that nominating Donald J. Trump “House of Wings” was?

Was NOT the cause of death.

The cause of death came almost five hours later.

--------------------

“What the hell does any of this (we’re hearing tonight) have to do with the economy?  With jobs?  I thought this night was “Make America Work Again”?” – Gloria Borger, on CNN, approximate 8:50pm CT, last night.

--------------------

I have some friends – some stronger than others – who think Donald J. Trump “House of Wings” is America’s salvation.

I got into it big time on Facebook last night with one of them, my buddy Vince.

And look it, I suppose I owe Vince an apology or three for how angry I was last night.  I try to not let my emotions of the moment overwhelm me.  I failed EPICALLY last night.

But?  In my defense?  I suspect that he, and Matt, and Lynn, and “Mr. Reason”, are just as furious at the last eight years of this nation’s history, as I am.  Mr. Obama is an utter and total failure.  He is a pathological liar.  He has failed to deliver on every single promise he made, not the least of which was to heal the racial divide that slavery stained upon this nation from day one.  I’d argue racial relations have rarely if ever been worse since Mr. Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. 

And hell, few if any people are more disgusted and repulsed by this nation’s last sixteen years, than I am.  If you’re going to blame Mr. Obama as an epic failure, then what was his predecessor, other than “so utterly inept and incompetent that he made Mr. Obama acceptable to the public”?  If you truly are looking to dump the blame on someone for the economic hell this nation exists in, look no further than “Shrub”, as the late, great Molly Ivins so epically tagged W as.

But Vince, dude?  Mr. Reason, buddy?

Sixteen years of utter incompetence?  Deserves anger.  It deserves rage.  It deserves change.

It does NOT deserve more, of the same.

Or, if “House of Wings” wins?  Even worse.

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“I’ve never been more embarrassed to be a Christian, than I am right now.  What a sellout!  What in God’s name was he thinking?  Trump?  That … man?  Is our salvation?  Are you kidding me?  God’s salvation for America isn’t a pathological liar who can’t even contemplate staying faithful to his wife!  God’s salvation for America isn’t a man who steals his employees into poverty!  God’s salvation for America cannot possibly … (me: you can tell she’s trying not to drop a bomb here) … it just … (finally reaching her breaking point) IT CANNOT POSSIBLY BE HIM!” – my mom, approximately 10:02pm CT last night.

“So, you’re voting for Hillary?” – me, in response, approximate 10:03pm CT last night.

“(Silence)” – my mom, in response, approximately 10:03pm CT last night.

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This may come as a shock to some of you … but I respect the hell out of my mom.  She is a true Christian.  She doesn’t waver in her beliefs, no matter how much I try to convince her some of them might not be as true as she thinks.  (And to her credit, she tolerates my disbelief.  Twenty year old me is utterly stunned, at the tolerance that exists in both sides of our relationship.  Also, to her credit, she lives her faith.  It’s more than 92.46% of you reading this who claim to be Christians, can say.)

Folks?  Even my mom was repulsed by Dr. Carson last night.  And last time I checked, she threw away a couple thousand from my inheritance someday, to support Dr. Carson earlier this year.

Because … and to those of you reading this who are in your teens or twenties?  Let me share four words that not only were true last night?  They’ll be true every day of your life.

My mom is right.

What in God’s name WAS he thinking?

The “he” being Doctor Ben Carson.

Look it, either you loved or you hated Night Two of the Republican National Convention.  I was 100% wrong when I noted earlier Tuesday that “this was the throw-away night”.  No, last night was the DEFINING night of exactly who the party of “House of Wings” has become.

And I literally need to vomit.

Because if Donald J. Trump is God’s salvation for America?  As Dr. Carson claimed last night?

Then an eleven year veteran of the porn industry, gets screwed less, than this nation is about to be.

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In five short minutes, Dr. Carson managed to murder the Republican Party.  It’s over folks.  There is no recovering from the utter and total devastation that Dr. Carson unleashed last night, a little after 9pm CT.

You can recover from plagiarism.  Ask Vice President Biden.

You cannot recover from shooting yourself in the head.

Which – contrary to his claims – is exactly what Dr. Carson did to half the political establishment last night.  He literally killed a political party last night, with the most disgraceful, embarrassing, indefensible speech I’ve ever heard in my life.

And given that we’re not even 36 hours past Pat Smith demanding Hillary Clinton be suited in prison stripes, given that we’re not even 36 hours past Pat Smith calling Hillary Clinton a murderer to the nation?  That’s saying something.

Somehow?  Dr. Carson sunk deeper into the sewer, than even Pat Smith did.

And in Pat Smith’s defense?  At least she had a valid excuse, to get sh*t all over herself, in that descent downward.

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“The secular progressive agenda is antithetical to the principles of the founding of this nation.  If we continue to allow them to take God out of our lives, God will remove himself from us, we will not be blessed and our nation will go down the tubes, and we will be responsible for that.  We don’t want that to happen.

Now Donald Trump, he understands this fairly well, he understands that the blessings of this nation come with the responsibility to ensure that they are available to all, not just the privileged few.  This is exemplified by his willingness to take on the establishment against all odds.  It is evident in his passion for the American worker, it is found in his desire to put his considerable skills to work on behalf of American interests and not his self-interest.  I’m proud to support Donald Trump, an extraordinary businessman, the right leader for a time such as this.

But you know what?  It is not about Donald Trump.  It is not about me.  It is about we, the people, and Thomas Jefferson said that we would reach this point because we the people would not be paying attention and it would allow the government to grow, to expand, and to metastasize and to try to rule us.  But he said before we turn to something else, we the people would recognize what was going on, what we were about to lose, and we would rise up and we would take control of our nation and I say now is the time to rise up and take America back!”


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Uuh, Doc?

The “secular progressive agenda” is the reason America exists – that a bunch of people said “f*ck it” to what the Church of England wanted, what the Catholic Church wanted, what ANY religion wanted, over three hundred years ago.

The “secular progressive agenda” decrees that beating your wife is wrong.  That beating your kids is wrong.  That education, reason, and intelligence elevates you in life, rather than your reliance on someone else to do it for you.

The “secular progressive agenda” demands science be heard.  You know that, “Doctor”.  You emphasized in the half of your speech that didn’t induce people who utilize their brains every day to vomit uncontrollably, you emphasized that God has given us intelligence, the ability to learn and adapt.  Do you propose we scrap every medical advance, every scientific discovery, and rely on a book written over 2,000 years ago as the sole source of knowledge for the human race?

The “secular progressive agenda” seeks peace, it seeks tolerance, it seeks acceptance for all.  Do you propose we revert to killing those we disagree with? 

The “secular progressive agenda” is what led Thomas Jefferson to write, in the greatest sentence a man has ever come up with on his own, that “we hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal”. 

All men are created equal, Dr. Carson.  THAT?  Is what the “secular progressive agenda” has given the world: freedom.

You, sir, given the color of your skin, should recognize that far greater than I should.

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Night Three sees Governor Pence accept the VP nod.

I’ll probably have to recap Night Three – today is my dad’s birthday, and due to unforeseen circumstances, I have to dogsit for my brother the next couple nights.  Since he’s about ten minutes from my folks, I’m taking my dad out to the bar tonight to celebrate.

God save us from ourselves.


Both America … and us …

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...