"You said come just as you are --
Skin and bones, smell like a bar.
You sure you want me there this way?
OK -- I'm on my way.
I'll grab this bottle just in case?
I'm just too ashamed to pray.
Well I'm bringing this burden to you now --
Yeah, the prodigal son returns,
The only way I know how.
The only way I know how! ...
So may this bottle?
Be the body!
And this bourbon?
Be the blood!
If I pour it out,
Will you take my offer --
If you give me the strength,
To never pick it up?
Then here I stand!
Just as I am ..."
-- "Just As I Am" by Brantley Gilbert. Yeah folks -- I'm gonna need both God and booze, to get through this convention. And not necessarily in that order ...
--------------------
This
election feels strange for me.
For
starters, for the first time since 2000, the Conventions dawn with my vote
already locked up. Usually I give both
parties my attention for the week, listening to what the candidates have to
offer, and then make my decision based on who I believe is not only the best
choice to lead the country, but ideally the candidate that is the most centrist
of the group. This year? There's nothing to sell me; my choice is
already made. #ImWithHer
Secondly,
and I ask this as someone who actually believes (and has for a long time) that
Secretary Clinton will prove to be a better President than her husband was ...
but have two worse candidates ever topped the ticket than Secretary Clinton and
"House of Wings"? Love her or
hate her, even I have to concede that Secretary Clinton is a horrible
candidate. She's not charismatic like
her husband (or "House of Wings") is.
She isn't the warmest, most engaging person when the camera is on
her. And she's not any good at speaking
on the fly, at adapting to the conditions around her once she begins
speaking. (Her husband on the other
hand? Literally winged the State of the
Union one year from memory when the teleprompter crashed.)
So
she has her flaws. But at least she's
not the "star" of this brilliant attack ad:
So,
here's kind of the plan for the week ...
1.
I doubt I will live blog tonight I do
plan to have a recap and my reactions, at a bare minimum, to Mrs. Trump's
speech tomorrow. I'll try to get it
posted by lunch CT, so you have something to entertain you in the afternoon
tomorrow.
2.
Tuesday will have to be recapped, not live blogged, at this point. I currently have plans for tomorrow that I
don't think I can get out of. And even
if I could, it would just delay what I have to do by a week ... and I don't
care how train-wrecky the RNC looks at this point * & **, because nothing's
going to top next Tuesday at the DNC.
It's Bernie's night. Jesus, I
would not want to be within 500 miles of Philadelphia next Tuesday. His brain dead supporters probably think
Comcast Country is a real country that they can mooch off of.
3.
I do plan to live blog on Wednesday and Thursday for a bit. And I will be scrutinizing both Governor
Pence and "House of Wings" offerings to the masses. (Or basically, what I usually do for every
night of the conventions on this site -- hit the highlights of each night, and
recap the keynote speech.
--------------------
(*:
the New York Times is reporting that Reince Priebus, the RNC Chairman, had to
explain to Mr. Trump why Don King would not be allowed to speak this week. (He stomped a man to death in Ohio years
ago.) I'm not sure what's more insane:
that Don King is a Republican ... or that Don King was supposed to speak at a
political convention. I mean, are you
serious? How awesome would that have
been? I mean, usually it's the DNC that
gives us the ridiculousness ***. Don
King on stage would have been the mic-drop moment of American political
history. Bar none.)
(**:
for those who think this week is going to be a loony tunes carnival, I remind
you, it wasn't even four years ago when Clint Eastwood spoke to a chair for
twenty minutes. Other than Don King
miraculously being re-inserted into the speaking lineup, the Republicans aren't
topping that beauty from Tampa last time around.)
(***:
in 2000, Reverend Jackson urged us to "stay out the Bush! Stay out the Bush!" ... mere days before
it was revealed that he failed to adhere to his own advice, and had knocked a
chick up who wasn't Mrs. Reverend Jackson.
In 2004, Vice President Biden was booed off the stage for quoting a
verse from the Bible. Also in 2004, the
floor nearly rioted when the Boy Scouts performed the National Anthem. And as if that wasn't great enough, 2004 also
gave us Reverend Sharpton railing for twelve minutes about how President Bush
had taken his "40 acre and mule" from him. Uuh, Al?
I don't know how to tell you this ... but the government hasn't handed
out "40 acre and mule" in 150 years.
And of course, anything with Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA ... as in
Drunk - Massachusetts). Who can forget
in 2000, when poor "Sweet" Caroline had to literally help him off the
podium in Los Angeles because he was not only too intoxicated to walk, he was
too intoxicated to coherently talk. Now
that's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis!
Then again, three of the five best political speeches I've ever heard
were delivered at the DNC -- President Obama's keynote speech in 2004, Al
Gore's acceptance speech in 2000, and President Clinton in Charlotte four years
ago, so it's not all fun and games, I guess.)
--------------------
For
the record, I plan to do the same thing for the DNC next week -- at least recap
every day, and the major speeches: Secretary Clinton, her Vice Presidential
choice (who I'm betting will be Senator Kaine), plus anything Presidents
Clinton and Obama have to say. And God
bless, do I truly hope and pray that for the first time since 2004, the
"Justice Brothers", Reverends Jackson and Sharpton, will be welcomed
back onto the stage. Damned Barry not
wanting to get upstaged the last two conventions ...
And
of course, keep in mind -- next week is likely the last national speech Joseph
Robinette Biden will ever give. One last
time, for old times sake:
--------------------
Now,
having gotten the necessities out of the way, here's my thoughts (in case you
care) headed into the Conventions:
1.
I think this race is going to be very, very close. Both with the popular vote and the
electoral. If you go to Real Clear
Politics, and simply take the "Lock and Lean" Clinton against the
"Lock and Lean" Trump, it's already 209-164 HRC. Or basically where President Obama was at
this point four years ago. But consider
this: if "House of Wings" **** manages to win the three vital swing states
he currently leads in -- Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania -- that puts him at
228. I know they aren't in the lean
category and are still officially toss-ups, but Mr. Trump is going to win
Georgia and Arizona, another 27 electoral votes to put him at 255. You know what that means?
North
Carolina would put him over the top.
Virginia
would all but get him there.
Anyone
who thinks this is going to be a cakewalk for Secretary Clinton, is nuts.
(****:
gun to my head, "Donald J. Trump's House of Wings" is one of the ten
best SNL sketches ever.)
2.
The person with the most pressure on them the next two weeks? Easy -- Hillary.
Look
it, love or hate "House of Wings" (I feel neither ... but there's no
way I'll vote for him), the man can speak. Thursday night is going to be the most watched
political speech in a generation, and The Donald will deliver. It will be entertaining. It will be engaging. It will be utter bullsh*t and lies, but hey,
so was hope and change, and 50 plus percent of the idiot electorate bought it
up -- twice. I've seen Hillary give a
truly quality speech once in my life: the concession speech to end her 2008
campaign. That's it. She's not a natural entertainer or
comedian. Trump is.
And
as if not being a natural salesman / politician isn't enough of a handicap ...
who isn't going to overshadow her next week?
And more to the point -- can she afford for Bill to be corralled? Can she afford to not give a night to Bernie
and his bat sh*t crazy supporters? Can
she afford to not turn over a night to the Senator Warren crowd? For all the talk about how "House of
Wings" has to unify a broken party?
So does the Madam Secretary. And
if anything, her task might be tougher, if only because at the end of the day,
the far right will rally to "House of Wings" to avoid a Hillary
administration. Bernie's bat sh*t crazy
supporters might be angry enough to stay home or switch.
Put
it this way: she has nowhere to go but down.
He has nowhere to go but up.
3.
Am I the only one frightened by the fact that "House of Wings" has
literally spent $0.00 in the last six weeks on advertising ... and he's still
within the margin for error? By this
point in 2012, President Obama's team had brilliantly painted Willard as an
uncaring asshole who threw his dog on the roof of the car for a cross-country
drive. The ad I liked too, way up at the
top, that's just brilliant. And it's not
even making a dent!
4.
I thought the selection of Governor Pence was the only sane option "House
of Wings" had. Chris Christie would
have been a disaster -- if you're trying to unify the party, you sure as hell
do not put on the ticket a man whose embrace of President Obama after Hurricane
Sandy enraged two thirds of the base.
Newt Gingrich would have been worse -- if you're trying to unify the
party, sure as as all hell do not put on the ticket a man who left his wife for
a staffer ... and announced he was leaving as she was fighting cancer. Governor Pence is on the wrong side of
history when it comes to true equality, but other than that, I don't have an
issue with him. And even on gay
rights? Let's be honest here folks: DOMA
was signed into law by a Democrat, and it took President Obama decades to
"evolve" on the issue. It's
not like Democrats "own" being on the right side of history here
either.
And
finally …
5. I'm getting godd*mned sick and tired of having to text my great friend Jasson every morning "be safe today dude", because yet another law enforcement officer was shot overnight. I'm getting really godd*mned sick and tired of it. Stop shooting cops, people. They're our ONLY line of defense between civilization and anarchy. (Unless you want martial law. In the words of Bartleby in Herman Melville's classic: "I'd prefer not to".)
Stop. Shooting. Cops.
Period.
No matter what your grievances with law enforcement may be -- and trust me, I've spent a night or six dealing with them -- they're not waking up in the morning looking to kill you, Black Lives Matter.
Yet you wake up, seeking to kill them.
Just stop already.
If only for Jasson's sake ...
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