down the rabbit hole ...

"Last time I saw her,
It was turning colder.
But that was years ago.

Last I heard she had
Moved to Boulder,
But where she's now, I don't know.

There's something about
This time of year,
That spins my head around.

Takes me back,
And makes me wonder --
What's she doing now? ..."

-- "What's She Doing Now" by Garth Brooks.  Of every song he's ever done, none of them hit me as raw, as this one does ...

--------------------

One of the things that came up in my first group meeting as a member of the Chiefs Fan Focus team was that as good as most of us think the Kingdom Rewards site is (and I am a fan), for most of 2017, the Chiefs rarely if ever offered Redeemable Prizes.  Now, to be fair, they really never have; the only "redeemable prizes" I've ever cashed in over the last five, six years were the (for now) late, great Early In Pass, the Meet-and-Greet in Houston for the playoff game (gulp) three years ago (that we wound up not even attending), and the annual Draft Party pass.

(Which I redeemed on Wednesday ... and yes, the Draft Party is set for Friday, April 27th.  For those of you thinking there's a trade back into round one coming via Mr. Veach's trades so far (and I am one of you) ... read into that what you want.)

This week, however, was different, and I'd like to think that it's as a result of the conversations that occurred last Tuesday.  Because one thing some of us stressed was that the whole point of being a season ticket holder (other than the game itself) was the unique access (or whatever you want to call it) that being a STM affords you.  You have skin in the game, so to speak, and we thought it'd be cool if the Chiefs would recognize it and offer some redeemable prizes, especially at times like right now, when the non-STM account points are resetting to zero.

This past week, the Chiefs offered two redeemable prizes, and I cashed in points for both of them.  And yes, to be fair, these prizes were nothing more than some intern assigned to cleaning out the closets at One Arrowhead Drive ... but still, baby steps.

The first prize was the Chiefs 50 Year pin that I swear I have somewhere in my cigar box of memories ... only I can't find the damned thing.  They only wanted 1,000 points to get one; given that I had over 25,000 points, I figured it was worth the investment.

The second prize though, was really intriguing, if you're into goofy potential endings like me.  The second prize cost you 8,000 points ... but it was so tempting I had to read.

The Chiefs would send you a game-used jersey from 2010-2017 ... picked at random.  You would have no idea who you were getting -- stud like Eric Berry, solid pro like Alex Smith, in over his head like Matt Cassel, Brady Quinn, Tyler Bray, Aaron Murray ... hell, pick a Chiefs backup QB here from the last eight years, or a practice squad dude, or some dude who got cut in the Round of 75 or Round of 53 cuts.  It was a total crapshoot.

(Pause).

Damned right I clicked "buy".

--------------------

I got home tonight (this is Friday, in case I "imbibe heavily with stress over tomorrow night's KU game" and fail to finish this until Saturday morning), and both purchases were laying outside my bedroom door * .  So, after I made myself a solid 7&7 ** , I grabbed them, headed into said bedroom, and decided to see whose jersey I bought.

Here is said jersey front ...

... and said jersey back ...

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something *** .)

... and that is what inspired this post: going down the rabbit hole to figure out who the f*ck number 54 from the 2015 season was, with the last name of Moore.

--------------------

(*: I honestly thought I'd hate living with another person again.  I hadn't done it in almost eight years before I moved to south Waldo over a year ago.  (Let's just say the last arrangement eight years ago, with the artist formerly known on this site as "The Champ", did not end well for anyone involved.)  

But Louie (the landlord / roommate) is awesome.  It's his damned house I'm renting a wing of ... and he has yet to enter said wing of the house, other than to drop off my mail in front of the door, or figure out dinner plans on the rare night he's here.  (He works evenings, which makes the arrangement even better.)  (old guy in "grumpier old men" voice) "Just goes to show ya.")

(**: I don't get my drinking habits at this point either.  Until about two, three years ago, you could mark in Sharpie, Seth Davis style, my drinking habits.  January to early April: Weller and Dr. Pepper or Diet with Lime.  Early April to mid June: the reddest wine in the fridge or wine cabinet.  Mid June to early September: Coors Light or Shiner Bock, with the occasional "my row in The Beer Machine is empty" improv purchase.  Early September to end of December: Tito's and Gatorade, with the occasional Fireball shot during the game.

Now?  I've been on a 7&7 kick (although with Sprite instead of 7UP) for three weeks now, and every one tastes better than the last one.  (again -- the old guy in "grumpier old men" voice in the clip linked in the last * above) "There ain't no point to this ... I just like that story.")

(***: I got the friendly reminder from AT&T via email (how personal!) that I'm eligible per my plan to upgrade to the iPhone 10 or X or whatever the f*ck they're calling it, as of Monday.  For the first time since I switched to the "new iPhone every year" plan half a decade ago ... I might not head the six blocks to my (less than) helpful and friendly AT&T store there at 81st and State Line on Monday.  I actually love the 8.  (Pause).  Yeah, got to.  (neil lomax in "planes, trains, and automobiles" voice) "Those aren't pillows!")

--------------------

So, back to the subject at hand.

I think I have a starting point -- some dude named Moore, who wore number 54, at some point during the 2015 season -- training camp, preseason, regular season, practice squad, postseason.

I base this on the fact that (a) the jersey number is 54, (b) the name on the back says Moore, and (c) the interior tag says 2015.  Hey, if you come up with a better idea?  Then I defer to you.

I also can reasonably deduce this is not someone who made the final roster, because I already knew that number 54 in 2015 was worn by a linebacker by the name of Dezman Moses.  I know this, because my friend and great tailgating buddy Ryan (whose last name is Moses), wore his jersey to every game in 2015.  (I swear, the sh*t I can remember stoned and/or beyond intoxicated ... and yet, I couldn't tell you what I had for lunch yesterday.)

Also, based on the number, I can reasonably deduce this dude was a linebacker or offensive lineman.  (Believe me -- when I first saw 54, for a brief moment I thought I'd gotten Brian Waters.  Talk about a c*ck block style defeat of the ego ...)

So, what would any enterprising investigator do in 2018 when beginning a search?  Of course -- Wikipedia!

I pulled up the Chiefs 2015 Wikipedia page.  I fully expected this to end the suspense, make this a solid Friday evening "mail it in effort" to rival the one I gave at work today **** , and successfully kill the couple hours between beginning this post, and the BuKCs / Lakers tipoff at 9:30 CT tonight.

(With a win and a Pistons loss, the BuKCs clinch at worst the 8 seed, with six to play ... and with a 76ers loss, would move within one in the loss column of the four seed ... and Milwaukee closes against Philly in two weeks.  As bat sh*t crazy as the West is -- ten teams within sixgames of the three seed, with the first two seeds clinched -- the East ... well, the eight getting in are pretty set, but there's only one game that separates six from eight, and the current four (Philly) just lost Joel Embiid for two to four weeks last night, and they're within striking distance for any of the teams five through eight.)

(Anyway, back to why you're here -- the rabbit hole!)

Let's scroll through the available sections, shall we?

* Reserve / Future Free Agent Contracts: nobody named Moore.

* Cuts: nobody named Moore.

* Trades: nobody named Moore ... although it did reignite my irrational hatred of Ben Grubbs for about ten seconds.

* Free Agents: nobody named Moore.

* Draft Class: nobody named Moore ... although it did cause me to pour drinks two, three, and four, to deal with the trade of Marcus Peters.

* Round of 75 Cuts: nobody named Moore.  I should note, this kind of reassured me -- it probably means he wasn't / isn't a player with the talent of, uuh, me, on the gridiron.

* Round of 53 Cuts: nobody named Moore.  This one stunned me.  Because I swear, I could not recall a dude named Moore on the Chiefs 2015 roster.  And again, I knew Dezman Moses wore 54 for the 2015 Chiefs.

* The Roster: surely -- surely! -- this Moore tito has to be listed somewhere in here, right?

He's not.  (the late, great leslie nielsen in "airplane" voice) "And don't call me Shirley!"

--------------------

(****: to be fair, I'm done for the month with my programs.  But in the interest of disclosure and honesty -- two things I'm rarely accused of being interested in, uuh, disclosing, to be, uuh, honest -- I spent my day playing Word Wipe on the USA Today site for literally eight hours.  I reached Level 15 twice.  I also apologize for nothing.)

--------------------

So, if Wikipedia can't help, perhaps the Chiefs website can?  I mean, after all, the coolest thing (at least to me) in the Hall of Honor is that every damned player who has ever made an appearance for the Red and Gold in a game, is in there somewhere on those turnable blocks.

So, let's visit that site next, shall we?

(Note: I chose Team - History - Uniform History, to attempt to get my answer.)

Only ... the page wouldn't load:

(image credit: me, via whatever the hell the Snag-It tool on a Chromebook is.)

(lily in "how i met your mother" voice) sumb*tches!

Undaunted ... I have one last resort.

Which is probably what many of you would have suggested, as the first to try.

Google Search.

--------------------

(image credit: me, via whatever the hell the Snag-It tool on a Chromebook is.)

------------------

So ... is this the dude?

(image credit: me, via whatever the hell the Snag-It Tool on a Chromebook is.)

Sio Moore, linebacker, from UConn.

According to his chiefs.com profile page (yes, it exists!), he played exactly zero games for the Chiefs ... in 2016.  He was a camp invitee -- so perhaps the 2015 tag on the inside of the jersey was a red herring?  Maybe the new 2016 jerseys hadn't arrived yet, so the Chiefs were still using the 2015 model in Training Camp?

It has to be him, right?

I think it almost has to be.

Just to be sure, I then pulled up the 2016 Chiefs page on Wikipedia.

And after scrolling through everything I, uuh, scrolled through previously on the 2015 Chiefs Wikipedia page ... there finally, possibly, emerged my answer:

(image credit: me, via whatever the hell the Snag-It tool on a Chromebook is.)

--------------------

So, I'm choosing to believe it's Sio Moore, whose jersey I now have to break down and buy a tastefully made yet cheaply sold picture frame for, to hang on a wall somewhere in my wing of the casa.

Good luck finding a spot on the Chiefs / Royals wall:

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.  I'm thinking below the Chiefs certificate ... or below the signed Eric Berry football my brother got me for Chrismukkah.  Also, I suck as a photographer; I swear that wall of the room isn't slanted 30 degrees into the ground ... )

--------------------

It has to be Sio.  It has to be.

It just has to be.

Because no matter how much it hurts -- I'm usually wrong.  Constantly, totally wrong.

(Except when even in defeat, I'm still right.)

--------------------

Oh -- and to answer the other Captain Oats question in the room?

Sio Moore is currently a free agent.

Gee, anyone know a certain team that plays at One Arrowhead Drive, with a need for semi-competent interior linebackers that'll work for cheap?  Because I think I do now ...

come at me bro ...

"Could be holding you tonight.
Could be doing wrong,
And start doing right.

But you don't care
About what I think --
I think I'll just stay here and drink.

Hey, putting you down
Won't square the deal.
But at least you'd know the way I feel.

Hey take all the money
In the bank --
I think I'll just stay here and drink.

Hey listen close and
You can hear,
That loud jukebox playin' in my ear.

Ain't no woman gonna change
The way I think --
I think I'll just stay here and drink ..."

-- "I Think I'll Just Stay Here and Drink" by the late, great Mr. Merle Haggard.

--------------------

I kind of get a kick out of what I refer to as "crack pipe dreams".  Goals, ideals, ambitions so utterly ridiculous and probably beyond any chance at achievement, that you just openly mock the dude or dudette who holds said crack pipe dream.

For example, I am not what you would refer to as a "conservative Republican" ... but whenever I need a quick pick-me-up, a good laugh, I just log onto Twitter and read what the left is saying, and always bust up laughing.  The delusion of these people who still can't concede November 8, 2016 happened.  I mean, do these brain-dead morons not realize that even if they somehow, someway do something that has never happened before in American history, and impeach a sitting President, do they not realize they STILL don't get the office?  Because someone far, far worse (from my perspective -- and definitely from theirs) than Mr. Trump is up next in Vice President Pence? 

This is what I mean by "crack pipe dream" -- it's a dream, sure, but you have to be high on crack to believe it will ever happen.

Or, if you prefer a sports analogy, here's one.  I try every August to find six wins for Jayhawk Football.  KU hasn't won more than five games in a season since 2009, and hasn't failed to lose double digits since 2010.  But hey, reaching the whatever-the-hell-it's-called-now Independence Bowl in Shreveport to face a Sun Belt team that would be favored by two touchdowns and win by six?  "Crack Pipe Dream".

(Or, if you really want a "crack pipe dream" scenario, picture me going more than a day without some kind of adult beverage.  Believe it or not, it happens every week -- I don't drink on Tuesdays or Thursdays, and try to avoid Mondays as well.  But still, tell thirty year old me that forty one year old me would voluntarily go dry more often each week than go sauced?  "Crack Pipe Dream".)

But the beauty of a "crack pipe dream", is that ever so often, they do come true.  And usually don't actually require you to be high on crack, to see them come true.

That is what happened to me, on Monday. 

And was confirmed, on Tuesday.

--------------------

I saw the phone number ring on my iPhone about 9:15 Monday morning.  I did not recognize the number, but saw it was from the 816, so it was local.  I let the call go to voice mail, since if I don't know your number, I don't usually answer your call.

And the caller left a voice mail.

Which I didn't bother to check until ducking out to grab some lunch * a couple hours later, and when I heard the voice, and then the message, I gotta admit, I was halfway tempted to pull a Mary Tyler Moore there at the corner of Linwood and Broadway, and chuck whatever I had available into the air to celebrate. 

Because something I have wanted for a very, very, very long time ... is going to happen, starting Tuesday, March 20.

--------------------

(*: sweet Jesus, this new Greek / Mediterranean place that opened behind (or is it in front of?) the Home Depot on Linwood, Shawarmar, is so, so, so f*cking good.  Reason Number (at least) 1,394,590,695.294 why I prefer the city to suburbia -- people who open their business (or build / buy / in my case, rent their home) in the heart of the city?  (Or like "company I work for", have been in Midtown for 25 years longer than I've drawn breath?)  

Are investing their life in the heart of the city.  To me, that matters.  Then again, I'm 41, single, no kids I've been sued for child support over, haven't had a relationship see "night three" in over a year, and I don't even own a van to live in down by the river should it ever come to that, so take my belief for what it's worth.  Although in my defense, unlike Matt Foley, I don't eat a steady diet of government cheese.  #lactoseintolerant )

--------------------

The call was from my latest Chiefs Season Ticket Member representative, a decent sounding dude named Chris.  I halfway expected the call was "we're sorry to inform you, your credit card was declined for your latest payment", and for once, that wasn't intended as a (semi-true) joke; my expiration date on the card they have on file is 3/18, and I'm still waiting on the new one to arrive from B of A.

So imagine, to my utter surprise, when the voice mail asked me, simply:

Are you willing to be a member of our Fan Focus Group for the 2018 season?

--------------------

(Don't believe me?  Here's the email confirmation.  Image Credit: whatever Snag-It like tool my Chromebook possesses.)

--------------------

It's finally happened.

The team I irrationally love (and beyond irrationally support, at least financially), has asked me to be one of twenty to thirty STM's that (allegedly) help steer the course for the franchise's fan relations over the next twelve months.

I mean, is this not epically awesome?  I mean ... wow.  Few people, if any, have trashed certain aspects of this organization more than me ** .  And now, they're asking the inmate to essentially have a hand in determining how the asylum is run?

(Pause).

You're damned right I said yes.

--------------------

(**: say what you want about me and my group's reaction to the opening of that tailgate ... I not only will never apologize for telling that parking nazi to her face what she is, but to the Chiefs' credit?  They quickly figured out they had so f*cked up parking, they have never since that day bothered anyone (at least in the middle to back of Lot G, where we tailgate) since that day.  You could count on one finger the number of times we had a parking nazi posted at the intersection of Chiefs Way and Dubiner Circle last year.  And I think he was lost.)

--------------------

So here are the four things I am going to bring up / suggest, at Tuesday's first meeting, because these are the four things I care the most about.  But I'm posting this early and opening up the comments section, in case anyone has any issue pertinent to them, that they want addressed. 

I'm coming armed with a notepad, and a writing utensil.  (And possibly a flask.)  I honestly haven't been this geeked for a meeting in fifteen years, since FJ Day *** was put into play. 

If you, my poor, poor, poor readers, have something you want addressed?  Hit up the comments, hit up my Twitter (@teamtito15), hit up my email (teamtito15 @ yahoo or gmail), hit up my phone. 

Because believe it or not?  YOU have a lifeline to the Chiefs organization itself now.

And somehow?

That lifeline?

Is ... (gulp) ... me.

--------------------

(***: FJ Day is actually July 25, and the meeting that put it into play was on July 3, so technically the fifteen year anniversary is still a couple months away.  But still.  My former boss Mary and I always try to meet for a libation-filled lunch or dinner, still, fifteen years later, to celebrate the moment he was escorted out of the building, and our department boss Stan had to send the "Josh is no longer a member of the ceded reinsurance team" email out to everyone.  

Oh, you have to scroll through that link in the previous paragraph a little bit ... but it's worth the payoff.  Because anytime you can dumpster dive in a recycle bin to get a guy fired?  You HAVE to do it.)

--------------------

These are the four things up front that matter to me:

1. Bring back the Early In Pass.  I get that not everybody does tailgating like the core of my group does.  Hell, even some of that core doesn't do tailgating like we used to ten, eleven years ago, because life happens.  Kids happen.  Marriages happen.  And far be it from me -- the kid who has missed not one, but two -- two! -- straight family Christmas get-togethers to be at Arrowhead instead -- far be it from me to claim family doesn't trump football.  Because it should.

But the Early In Pass, makes a "marriage" of convenience happen.  It lets those of us willing to trek out to Arrowhead before the sun comes up get an hour head start on everyone else, so that by the time you all arrive two, three hours later, we've already more than got everything set up and ready to go for you. 

The Chiefs offered the Early In Pass in 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016.  They did not last year -- they tried to split the baby instead, and open gates for everyone thirty minutes earlier than they ever had.  It's a compromise that -- like most compromises -- held the peace, but failed to fix the problem.

I want the Early In Pass back.  And I know a lot of people who enter Gate 6, and tailgate Lots F, G, H, N, and J, who agree with me.

2. Allow a printable ticket stub.  The moment your ticket was scanned in Arlington, the Cowboys gate attendant handed you a printable ticket stub.  As someone with a cigar box of memories that cannot be added to at this point, due to the Chiefs edict that either you (a) get a full season card or (b) as I do, use mobile entry to, uuh, enter every game, I hate the lack of a ticket stub. 

(And please, spare me the "you can print the ticket off" bullsh*t response.  A piece of paper ain't a ticket stub.  And everyone knows it.)

3. Is There Going to Be a Draft Party?  I love the Draft Party at Arrowhead.  There is footage out there of me literally dropping to my knees on the fake grass inside the practice facility, as the trade-up with Buffalo resulted in "Patrick Mahomes, Quarterback, Texas Tech" was announced, crying uncontrollably, over a sports outcome since ... uuh ... well, this.  (Note: I wear my emotions on my sleeve when it comes to certain teams.  I refuse to apologize for it.)

Since the Chiefs currently do not possess a first round pick, circle me curious if a Draft Party happens or not.

4. More Port-A-Potties for Tailgating.  I cannot speak to anyone's tailgating situation save for my own.  I can only describe what it is like in the general vicinity of the G30 sign.

We have two port-a-potties farther down the sidewalk from us, where the chained gate into Lot G is.  (Guessing about G25, G26, off the top of my head.)

We have two port-a-potties farther up the sidewalk from us, where the main entrance into Lot G is.  (Guessing G33, G34 at that point.)

Four port-a-potties ... for well over 1,000 people, two plus hours out before kickoff.

That ... is indefensible.

Now, I freely admit up front, the port-a-potty issue is probably the Jackson County Sports Authority's issue to handle -- the Chiefs admit up front (truthfully, too!), that the JCSCA controls all aspects of parking at the TSC.  (Or Truman Sports Complex, for the initially challenged.) 

And in this case, sadly, the JCSCA has improved on the situation over ten years ago, when the Royals and Chiefs had their own separate urinal units, and whoever wasn't playing, had theirs locked.  At least all the ones out there now are opened up.

But four whizzers for one hundred forty times the occupants?  Equals long lines, angry fans, and people just relieving themselves as need be behind a car door, a bus tire, and/or just letting it flow **** .

There should be more out there, period.

Those are the four items I intend to raise, in this initial meeting, of Focus Group 2018.

--------------------

(****: let's just be honest here.  If you're a dude between the ages of ... hang on, subtract the three ... if you're a dude between the ages of 18-62, and have attended at least ten games at the TSC in your life, you have p*ssed on the parking lot.  I cannot even count how many times I've let it flow on the side of The Bus, or behind a car door, but I know the number is above twenty.  

This request ain't about the fellas, in the interest of honesty.  As always, it's about the ladies.)

--------------------

I have a few other personal agenda items I'd like to raise ... but they're personal, and frankly, none of them -- or any of my four above -- are deal breakers.  I mean, at this point, the Chiefs and I are like my mom and dad -- no matter how disgusted dad gets with her, he has to let it roll, because "who else makes sure my CPAP machine works right" ... and no matter how disgusted mom gets with him, she has to let it roll, because "it's too cold to pump my own gas".  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  No, I don't wonder why I'm as "shakily composed" as I am!  Why do you ask that?

But if y'all have anything to offer, hit up the comments, Twitter, or email.  I'll bring it to the table.

After all -- even in my family, no matter how low things go at a get-together?

There's always a glass of red or white yellow gold, at the dining room table for you, when you sit down to eat ...

stevo's ncaa tournament picks

"Life ain't always beautiful;
Sometimes it's just plain hard.
Life can knock you down;
It can break your heart.

Life ain't always beautiful;
You think you're on your way.
But it's just a dead end road,
At the end of the day.

But the struggles?  Make you stronger.
And the changes?  Make you wise.
And happiness?  Has its' own way,
Of taking its' sweet time.

No, life ain't always beautiful;
Tears will fall sometimes.
Life ain't always beautiful --
But it's a beautiful ride! ..."

-- "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" by Gary Allan.

--------------------

I freely admit I suck at predictions.  Well, save for this one (hang on, I need a stiffer drink to continue ...)

And this one.

Because yes, I somehow, someway, nailed the national champ last year.

Here's to hoping for some back-to-back action.

As always, for the new, uninitiated, and/or drunk and/or stoned stumbling onto this, welcome!  The picks below are how the main pool I enter into any bracket competition will look like.  If picking against me gets you a few extra dollars for junior's diaper fund ... or your dugout needs, then I have succeeded.  So let's do this.

--------------------

South (Atlanta) Regional:

* First Four Games.

None.

* Round of Sixty Four Games.

1 Virginia over 16 UMBC.  Freddie Gray had a better chance against Baltimore County's (less than) finest, than Baltimore County's hoopsters have against the Wahoos.  (Pause).  Too soon?

9 Kansas State over 8 Creighton.  Straight trumps two of a kind ... and two of a kind pushes Creighton alumnus Sebree (rimshot!)  Hey yo!  I am on FIRE out of the closet this year (rimshot!)

12 Davidson over 5 Kentucky.  Let's be honest here: if you'd had to wager as recently as six months ago as to which disgraceful college coach in Kentucky would be fired for indefensible cheating, would you have wagered on Coach Cal or Rick "Redefines The Meaning of Canoli" Pitino?  I'd have wagered on Coach Cal.  See, I told you I suck at prognostication!

4 Arizona over 13 Buffalo.  #fakenews  #espnlied  #ihopeseanmillersuesthemoutofexistence

6 Miami (FL) over 11 Loyola-Chicago.  The Wayne Allyn Root Memorial Contrarian Pick of This Round.

3 Tennessee over 14 Wright State.  Wait -- I thought Wright was a bankrupt, shady, sleazy for-profit college that stole its' students money?  Oh, that's Wright Career, not Wright State.  My bad.

7 Nevada over 10 Texas.  It's kind of a shame that Nevada didn't wind up facing Mizzou; the "Musselman" jokes would have been pretty fun to write.  Oh please, Mizzou -- never stop being you.

2 Cincinnati over 15 Georgia State.  Mick Cronin kinda looks like the dude who played Dr. Skoda on "Law and Order".  Just sayin'.

* Round of Thirty Two Games.

1 Virginia over 9 Kansas State.  I honestly think KSU has a decent shot to win this one, if both Dean Wade and Barry Brown are healthy and good to go.  Having said that, would you wager on Bruce Weber?  Yeah.  I'll stick chalk here.

12 Davidson over 4 Arizona.  Watch this Kellan Grady kid folks.  The comps to Steph that Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkle were making this weekend are ridiculous ... and yet, you'll see why they made said comps.  This kid is sweet to watch.

6 Miami (FL) over 3 Tennessee.  As my buddy (and now current co-worker yet again!) Pickell would say: "put it this way" -- if Rick Barnes can't get UT to the Sweet Sixteen with Durant, DJ Augustin, and Damion James on the roster?  He isn't getting there with a different shade of orange either.

2 Cincinnati over 7 Nevada.  Should be a decent matchup that the first team to 60 wins.

* Sweet Sixteen Games.

1 Virginia over 12 Davidson.  Y'all have no idea how much I wanted to pick the upset.  I may revisit this on any additional brackets I submit.

2 Cincinnati over 6 Miami (FL).  This should be one fascinating coaching matchup, if nothing else.

* Elite Eight Game.

2 Cincinnati over 1 Virginia.  There are two teams from the American that I am absolutely in love with, having watched way, way, way too many of their games over the last two months.  This is one of them.  Cincinnati is the most underrated team in 'Murica.  They're the one team perfectly built to take out Virginia.  Also, who are you taking in Atlanta -- a college from the state that gave us General Grant, or a college from the state that housed the capital of the Confederacy?  "Yankees in Georgia!  How did they EVER get here?!?!?!"

South (Atlanta) Regional Champion: 2 Cincinnati Bearcats.

--------------------

West (Los Angeles) Regional:

* First Four Games:

16 Texas Southern over 16 North Carolina Central.  I'm taking a team that opened 0-13 to win a game in the tournament.  ("jack perkins" in the greatest snl sketch ever voice) Today's my birthday!  And I'm ... getting drunker.

* Round Of Sixty Four Games:

1 Xavier over 16 Texas Southern.  There is no way in hell Mike Davis is winning two games in the same tournament for the second time ever.

8 Missouri over 9 Florida State.  On the one hand, you have to give Mizzou credit -- they "cheat" pad the roster the old fashioned way: by hiring daddy on the coaching staff.  On the other hand, I mean, seriously?  At least we got two Final Fours and a National Championship out of hiring Ed Manning to the coaching staff.  Mizzou got two minutes and an 8 seed.  The lesson?

As always:

Call it whatever the hell you want to -- it will ALWAYS be Allen Field House East.

12 South Dakota State over 5 The Ohio State University.  As Snoop Dogg would note: "ain't nothin' but a g thing bay-bee ..."  In this case, G ... as in gut.  I can't explain this pick, I just think it's going to happen.

4 Gonzaga over 13 UNCG.  This Gonzaga team might be better than last year's.  And considering last year's came within a few points of cutting down the nets, that's saying something.

6 Houston over 11 San Diego State.  Am I the only one stunned that Kelvin Sampson has apparently run a clean program for consecutive years in a row?

3 Michigan over 14 Montana.  I hate picking against Grizzly Bears ... but Michigan wins easily.

10 Providence over 7 Texas A&M.  Probably a good thing Friars coach Ed Cooley's pants ripped in the back in the Big East title game, instead of the front.  Although hearing Gus Johnson describe that wardrobe malfunction would have been hilarious.

2 North Carolina over 15 Lipscomb.  Those of you taking the Rat Bastard and his Tar Heels on a long tourney run?  The 2005 defending champs lost their opener in 2006 to George Mason.  The 2009 defending champs didn't even qualify for the NCAA Tournament in 2010.  They're yet again the defending champs.  History ain't on the Rat Bastard's side.

* Round of Thirty Two Games.

1 Xavier over 8 Missouri.  True story: my bowling league teammates are die-hard Mizzou fans, season ticket holders as well.  And they HATE Cuonzo Martin.  One of them actually made the comment that "he'll never get us back to where we were under Norm (Stewart)".  Considering the farthest Norm ever took Mizzou was the Elite Eight?  I'd argue Cuonzo getting Mizzou halfway to its greatest achievement in Year One is a win for that woeful program.

4 Gonzaga over 12 South Dakota State.  It seems like I ask this every two to three years, so I'll ask it again: what in God's good name does the NCAA see in Boise that makes it an attractive first / second round site?  Who in their right mind thinks "Boise in March" is an ideal vacation destination?  Sh*t, who amongst us with an IQ below room temperature thinks "Boise anytime of the year" is an ideal vacation destination?  Anyway, Gonzaga easily advances.

6 Houston over 3 Michigan.  I have a feeling that by the time this tournament is over, y'all are going to remember how great a head coach Kelvin Sampson is.

2 North Carolina over 10 Providence.  God, I wanted to pick the upset.

* Sweet Sixteen Games.

1 Xavier over 4 Gonzaga.  A rematch of last year's West Regional final, and quite frankly, one hell of a game on paper.  The two "mid majors" who have sustained initial success from twenty years ago.  Gonzaga is one of only four teams to have made the tournament for at least the last twenty years in a row.  Xavier has made 15 of the last 17, and in those seventeen years, has three Elite Eight appearances (all losses) and seven Sweet Sixteen appearances.  At some point, they're going to match Gonzaga's breakthrough from last year, and capitalize on their chance to finally reach a Final Four.  They reach the Elite Eight for the third time in seven years (and second in a row) in my main bracket.

6 Houston over 2 North Carolina.  I tend to love all things basketball ... but for the love of Christ, CBS drooling over Houston alumnus Jim "Hello Friends" Nantz calling his alma mater in a game for the first time just has to take the cake.  It's bad enough we have to witness the verbal fellating by Nantz of his college roommate (Freddie Couples) every year at Augusta; now we have to deal with his insufferable homer self on basketball as well?  Ugh.

* Elite Eight Game.

1 Xavier over 6 Houston.  And yet another program shatters college hoops ultimate glass ceiling before our "good friends" 120 miles to the east of Kansas City get the job done.

West (Los Angeles) Regional Champion: 1 Xavier Muskateers.

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East (Boston) Regional:

* First Four Games.

16 LIU Brooklyn over 16 Radford.  I have no idea why.  We're off to a great start here.

11 St. Bonaventure over 11 UCLA.  This matchup is patently insane.  The Bonnies are grousely underseeded by at least three lines, and if UCLA deserves to be in this tournament, then I am going to bed sober tonight.

* Round of Sixty Four Games.

1 Villanova over 16 LIU Brooklyn 16 Radford.  A lovely 95-49 layup drill to open the proceedings.

9 Alabama over 8 Virginia Tech.  Can't wait to see what Collin Sexton has in mind for his first (and likely last) tournament appearance.

5 West Virginia over 12 Murray State.  True story: I have lit a couch-like object on fire before.  Back in the day, when the artist formerly known as The Champ and I had no idea what to do with Deadbeat Ex-Roommate's crap six months after we threw him out.  So we lit it all on fire.  And let me tell you -- lighting a couch on fire is energizing.  It's really, really neat.  Even if in my case, it was a piece of sh*t futon that fell apart dragging it from the basement to the burn pile.  But still.  It's why you'll see no mocking of West Virginia fan's celebratory habit on this site.

4 Wichita State over 13 Marshall.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

11 St. Bonaventure over 6 Florida.  This, admittedly, is taking a huge, hu-yuge risk.  Seven of the last eight times Florida has made the NCAA Tournament (2006, 2007, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2017) they reached at least the Elite Eight.  (They lost their opener in 2010.)  But here's the thing, and if you're a Chiefs or raiders fan, you'll get me: do you trust a team coached by a dude named Mike White?  Because I don't.  Bonnies survive and advance.

3 Texas Tech over 14 Stephen F. Austin.  Perhaps it's time to revisit the theme of one of my four or five favorite t-shirts I've ever owned * .  Because while I was in college, I had a t-shirt that had like a split logo on the front of it with the University of Texas and Texas A&M, and on the back it simply said "united in hate ... and the fact that Texas Tech is not a real school".  (Pause).  Yeah.  They're still not a real school.

(*: my favorite t-shirts I've owned, probably in reverse order, off the top of my head: (5) the "nice rack" Abercrombie shirt (I still have it); (4) my yellow Chiefs long-sleeve tee that I wear to October and November home games (so yes, I still have it); (3) the UT/A&M united in hate one (have no idea what happened to it); (2) the Puerto Rico flag tank top (have it); and (1) the "Big.  Bigger.  Webber!" t-shirt from high school (sadly, long gone).  "You gotta have room to breathe!")

10 Butler over 7 Arkansas.  This might be the best game of the first round when it's all said and done.  Excellent matchup of two teams that love to press and love to run.

2 Purdue over 15 Cal State Fullerton.  If this matchup occurs in Omaha three months from now, you'd have to flip the seeds.

* Round of Thirty Two Games.

1 Villanova over 9 Alabama.  Although it won't be easy.  I fully expect this to be a one possession game at the under four timeout, before Villanova pulls away late.

5 West Virginia over 4 Wichita State.  This one's gonna be fun.  Also, and I ask this in all sincerity, why didn't Wichita State get the Valley (or the American) to host the site in Wichita?  Why'd they have to decide to host it themselves and cost themselves a solid home-court advantage?  There's a reason why the Big XII always hosts any event at the Sprint Centre -- to ensure KU has every chance imaginable to play there.  Wichita?  You're in the big time now.  Start planning like it.

3 Texas Tech over 11 St. Bonaventure.  Since I have nothing to add, allow me to say, the image of couches en fuego in the West End after West Virginia wins is pretty damned funny to contemplate.  Although don't f*ck with Dealey Plaza, Mountaineer fans.  That triple underpass is history.

2 Purdue over 10 Butler.  I might need to take a shower after this one.  This is one epic (the late, great coach don fambrough voice) showdown, hoedown, throwdown!

* Sweet Sixteen Games.

1 Villanova over 5 West Virginia.  I'm not sold on it.

2 Purdue over 3 Texas Tech.  I'd wager a lot on it.

* Elite Eight Game.

2 Purdue over 1 Villanova.  Admit it: you can't wait to see the greatest comb-over ever ** on your television / iPad / tablet / phone screen.  We need more Lloyd Eugene Keady in our lives.  Especially given the fact that the dude paid $600 / week to look like he did!  I mean Jesus, he dropped more in a week on the worst hairdo imaginable than I do in a month on liquor and/or a medicinally legal herbal product!  And it's not like I abstain for more than (hang on, calculating the commute plus office time) nine hours a day!

In all seriousness, this regional has some sick, sick matchups ... and I really like Purdue to emerge at the end.

East (Boston) Regional Champion: 2 Purdue Boilermakers.

(**: although Mr. Trump is certainly giving Ol' Gene a run for the title.)

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Midwest (Omaha) Regional:

* First Four Games.

11 Syracuse over 11 Arizona State.  Neither of these teams should be here, if we're being honest.  This should be Middle Tennessee vs Saint Mary's.  Or Notre Dame vs USC.  Having noted that, Syracuse has no excuse to lose this ... and this isn't even the most bullsh*t selection of The 'Cuse in the last three years.  (The last one landed Syracuse in a Final Four, in 2016.)  Let's see how this one goes.

* Round of Sixty Four Games.

1 Kansas over 16 Penn.  Let's all simmer down now.  Is Penn better than a 16 seed?  Yes.  Did KU truly deserve a 1 seed?  Probably not (although who you'd replace them with, I have no idea.)  Having noted those facts ... would you wager on Penn to beat KU if it was a 2/15 or 3/14 matchup?  Of COURSE you wouldn't.  Now, would I wager a healthy amount of financial resources on Penn to cover a fourteen point spread?  Of COURSE I would will.  But bet on Penn to win?  No.

8 Seton Hall over 9 NC State.  Total coin flip for the right to get rolled by thirty about forty hours later.  (classic tv show theme song voice) Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  (Na Na Na Na Na!)  Good Times!!!!!!!!!!!

12 New Mexico State over 5 Clemson.  True story!  Back in the day at Transamerica, I had to record New Mexico State's football game every week for my ultimate boss, because his step-son was a linebacker at that fine athletic program.  I also received more than the standard payout on my year-end bonus for three straight years.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh come on!  There is absolutely no connection between those two things!  And if you'll buy that?  I'll throw the godd*mned Golden Gate in free!

4 Auburn over 13 Charleston.  At least we'll get a Bill Murray sighting for this one.  Which frankly is the only thing that might make this watchable for about forty seconds of time.

6 TCU over 11 Syracuse.  For those of you who don't know me ... well, count your blessings.  But for those of you who don't me, I graduated from TCU twenty years ago come December.  I was there for their previous tournament game (which is better remembered for the ending that occurred in the previous game).  The last time TCU was in a NCAA tournament game?  Billy Tubbs was the head coach, Lee Nailon (who?) was the star, and I was definitely the stud in the building that day.  This time?  Only one of those three things is still true.  And no, it ain't Billy Tubbs on the sideline.

3 Michigan State over 14 Bucknell.  KU was a three seed when they lost to Bucknell to open the 2005 tournament.  I'm just saying.

7 Rhode Island over 10 Oklahoma.  My brother's father-in-law is a huge OU fan.  Graduated from OU, played corner for OU in the early 1970s.  I guarantee you, even he has no idea, how OU got in.  And I guarantee you, not even he thinks they're winning this game.

2 Duke over 15 Iona.  We are all Iona fans.

* Round of Thirty Two Games.

1 Kansas over 8 Seton Hall.  PJ Carlesimo ain't walkin' through that door, Pirates.

4 Auburn over 12 New Mexico State.  I really, really wish CBS would let our good friend Charles Barkley call this game.  I mean, if we have to endure Jim Nantz doing everything short of swallowing covering his alma mater, let's give Ol' Barky a chance to cover his.

3 Michigan State over 6 TCU.  Because of COURSE the NCAA would schedule my 1A (KU), 1B (Syracuse) and alma mater (TCU) in the same f*cking regional.

2 Duke over 7 Rhode Island.  Lamar Odom might be walkin' through that door, Rhodies ... but he certainly ain't suiting up.

* Sweet Sixteen Games.

1 Kansas over 4 Auburn.  Admit it -- Chuck Barkley trying to pronounce Svi's name would make for damned good television.

2 Duke over 3 Michigan State.  At the risk of spoiling the suspense ... the winner of this game is my pick to cut down the nets come April 2nd.

* Elite Eight Game.

2 Duke over 1 Kansas.  I hate this pick with everything I have in me, most especially because damned near everyone's bracket has KU going out in the Elite Eight, and guessing the same thing as 95.24% of the public picks doesn't really help your chances to beat said 95.24% in the gambling pool.  If this comes to pass, it is going to suck.  And blow.  At the same time.  No matter how anatomically impossible it is, for that to occur.

Midwest (Omaha) Regional Champion: 2 Duke Blue Devils.

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Final Four:

2 Cincinnati over 1 Xavier.  Because any time you can have two cross-town rivals whose game was actually cancelled for a while due to on-and-off-court fisticuffs, you have to root for it to happen.

2 Duke over 2 Purdue.  The de-facto national championship.  I think whoever wins this one, will cut down the nets.  Which means ...

National Championship:

2 Duke over 2 Cincinnati.  I picked Duke to win it all before the season began.  I have yet to see anything to change my opinion.  Hence, my pick to cut the nets down.

National Champion: Duke Blue Devils.

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And here's the filled out bracket, for easier tracking:

Well, that was fun.

But the next post folks?  (Probably coming by tomorrow.)  The next post?

Is the fulfillment of at least half a lifetime's dream.  Because I guaran-damn-tee you, your plans for Tuesday March 20th, ain't trumping mine ...