Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many times have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?
How many times have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart;
Just open up your mind.
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?
Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up -- but we're alive!
Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up -- but we'll survive!
How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?
How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?
Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up -- but we're alive!
Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up -- but we'll survive! ..."
-- "Life" by Our Lady Peace. (Pause). No, it's definitely not the song by that awesome band most of you reading this, were expecting out of me, as the theme ...
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"The Decade That Was", In Thirteen Parts:
Intro. (Set to Brantley Gilbert.)
12. Sometimes, You Gotta Break Update "The Rules". (Set to Our Lady Peace.)
11. How What Appears On First Glance to Be the Worst Year Of the Decade? Was Actually the Best ... In Hindsight. (Set to Imagine Dragons.)
10. We're Playing BuKCsketball! We're Playing BuKCsketball! (Set to Jason Mraz.)
9. My "Online Idols". (Set to Bon Jovi.)
8. The Week That Set the Decade In Motion ... In Hindsight. (Set to my favorite song from "Motown, The Musical".)
7. The Chiefs Moments I Cherish. (Set to The Weeknd.)
6. The Most Important Thing In This Life. (Set to Eric Church.)
5. The Concerts That Still Impact Me. (Set to Matt Nathanson.)
4. The Thirteen Things I Wish Still "Existed". (Set to Foo Fighters.)
3. So ... Let's Define Stevo. (Set to Gavin DeGraw.)
2. The Sole and Only Reason(s), This Site Exists. (Set to "My Favorite Song of All Time".)
1. My Closing Comments On "The Decade That Was" ... and "The Decade To Be". (Set to Gary Allan.)
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12. Sometimes, You Gotta
Most, if not all of us, know someone who lives their life by a set of pre-determined rules. They're the predictable people in life. You know exactly how they will handle each and every situation they may face.
And if you are one of those people? Wonderful.
Because I'm not.
Eight years ago, I posted the list of Stevo Rules -- the alleged values I try to live my life by. (It's the link three paragraphs above.)
Most of them make complete and perfect sense. Some of them are outright hysterical. Some of them have proven to be so f*cking true over the last decade that I wish I'd never thought them, let alone recorded them.
But here's the thing. I can't live my life by forty, fifty plus rules. In the words of a theme still to appear in this series of thirteen posts:
"I don't wanna be anything? Other than me!"
And so, I decided to pare the original list, down to the "True Thirteen". Because these are the thirteen I truly believe to be, uuh, true. Some are carry-overs from the initial list; some have been added in the last eight years.
So, noting up front I'll probably offer some kind of explanation for each of them?
Here we go.
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13. The Best Section in Arrowhead? Is Section 132.
For the last few years, that was an abject lie, as I sat in Section 339. And I loved my time up there. Especially the view. No, really -- you can see a play unfold a helluva lot better in 339, 5, 1 ... than you can in 132, 26, "insert seat here".
But sometimes?
You gotta come home.
Which is what I decided to do this season.
I grabbed up my old seat (now 132, 26, 14; used to be 132, 26, 2 (brantley gilbert voice) "back in the day" * ) officially, and, uuh, I guess I apologize in advance for those of you who will hold the high honor and privilege of having to sit by me during this upcoming season.
(so damned ready! image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
Having noted that ...
I'd like to think that I have really mellowed out from how I was twenty years ago.
Sh*t, sixteen years ago, when the Chiefs lost at Arrowhead in Week Seven to those people in overtime (a defeat that ultimately cost us the playoffs), I literally got home, grabbed a handle of vodka, locked myself in my bedroom, and called in sick for the next three days. (Pause). Also, I did nearly the same thing three later, after we blew a seventeen point lead barely sixteen minutes in, against the defending NFC Champion Eagles. That time (it was a 3:30 kickoff, versus noon the prior occasion), I grabbed a cigar and a handle, headed out onto the back deck, and passed out at some point in my recliner, before (you guessed it) calling in sick a few more days in a row.
I
Having said that ... apparently my handling of the playoff defeat earlier this year to the Titans was to run an open tab at "Everyone's Favorite Lounge", while chugging so many shots that I (allegedly) had to be carried out of The Double, and was (allegedly) dropped into bed completely passed out, only to be (loony leftist voice) "woke up" fourteen hours later by Nicole telling me bye for now, as she headed home to Sioux Falls the next morning.
The lesson? Damned if I know.
(*: yeah, this needs to be updated -- Mr. Gilbert's put out a solid twenty plus tracks since that post, that need to be properly rated and/or ranked. I'll add it to the "do this at some point before you (allison krause / brad paisley voice) "sing a whiskey lullaby"" pile. (Pause). And yes, it still p*sses the hell out of me that danny sorenson "stars" in this video.)
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12. If You Can't Laugh At Yourself? Brace For Everyone Else Laughing at You.
Nobody makes more fun of me, than me. (Pause). I think.
("the voice of reason" / "bts" / "jasson" voices) You might wanna rethink that, Stevo!
Which is the beauty of life, my friends. We can openly mock each other at (pick a tailgate or happy hour here), and laugh out loud at the absurdity this awesome, epic gift of God known as "life" is. We can pick a moment or two from damned near anything growing up, into uuh, alleged grown ups, and immediately bring the house down.
I mean, sh*t, the most I've laughed at any tailgate the last five years? Is probably when the chicks were betting on whether I am gay or straight. (About printed page four of the link.)
I thought it was hilarious. Sh*t, I put it in the top ten favorite moments of the season for me, I thought it was that funny. (It's Number Seven.)
Partially because I'm comfortable enough with who I am (I'm straight ... but I can see why that's in question sometimes ... *cough biggest Lionel Richie fan ever cough* ... ), but mostly because it's funny to me.
And when I get to Number Two (at least, I think it's Number Two) in this series? It'll make perfect sense.
Because the single biggest thing I love about my closest friends and family in life?
Is that they never change, no matter who is standing in front of them. Y'all are genuine. Y'all are authentic. Y'all are real. Y'all are exactly who God made you to be, and I love that y'all make zero, zip, nada apologies for it.
(Then again, y'all are also slightly insane, and possibly mentally challenged. (Pause). Oh. Wait. That's me. Never mind.)
Doubt me on those statements?
Here's my favorite picture of all time, that I'm a part of:
(l to r: me, "jasson", me, "the voice of reason", "the voice of reason's" mom ... who, in the interest of full disclosure, is not my biggest fan. (Note: I earned that status, thank you very much! (Pause). Oh, wait, I probably shouldn't "!" that one.) image credit (probably): "the voice of reason's" sister.)
Why I love this picture? Should be obvious. It's the three of us -- the "Three Amigos" so to speak -- before girlfriends and wives and kids and deaths and jobs and mortgages and leases and ... and who knows what else, entered the picture.
(This pic was snapped Week Three 2000, walking to get programs and pins before the Chargers game that year.)
But look at the picture a little deeper.
(Apologies for the wine spill in the top right corner ... again, it's my old school copy of the picture I scanned in.)
"Jasson", in the center? Is clearly laughing his head off! I'm at least rolling with it on his left ... and I'm guessing, I'm about to smack my hands together while laughing, based on the pose. (Hey, I know what my hands do in various poses ... shaddup!)
And "The Voice of Reason", on his right? Is clearly shaking his head with a "you have to be sh*tting me!" look of either humor or disgust on his (invisible) face ... and his mom is clearly dropping farther and farther back, as this walk progresses between three friends still solid enough to this day, that my second mom notes this about us (note: gotta read and scroll a bit, to get to the point) ... and (like me) is f*cking proud of it.
Because that picture above?
Is what life is about, folks.
It's about the ones you love, being able to simply enjoy each other together -- the f*ck ups, failure, triumphs, and "you had to be there" moments.
How sad it is, that too many people, don't get why God put us here.
Because no triumph was ever achieved?
Without at least one abject f*cking failure.
(Or in my case? Insert at least three trillion zeros, behind that one, in the f*ck up and failure column.)
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11a. You Never Know Who Your True Friends Are, Until They Have No Financially Motivated Reason To Be Around You.
And ...
11b. If You Ever Ask Yourself What Matters More, The Friend Or The Money? The Answer Is ALWAYS The Money.
These seem self explanatory. And for the record, there's only two people I've ever had to employ 11b about. Both were my roommates at Stubbs over the last couple years of the 2000s.
I was completely wrong about one of those two.
And it was not the one, 11b ** , was written to describe.
(**: if you had told me ten years ago I'd have had more happy hours in the last five years (two) with "Deadbeat Ex-Roommate", than I'd have had with the person who asked me to be his best man (zero)? I'd have laughed my ass off for ten minutes. Somehow, this comment now seems sane and rational today.)
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10. You Can Have Freedom, Or You Can Have Security. You Cannot Have Both.
Both major political parties have lost site of this ... although both seek to curtail freedom, on opposite ends of the spectrum.
The left seeks to control every aspect of your public life. The right seeks to control every aspect of your personal life.
They're both 100% wrong.
At this point, I have more faith in Mr. Trump, than I do in the Democrat leadership, to remember that freedom trumps security every godd*mned moment of life.
And I say this as someone, who still to this day, would not vote to elect that man, if you put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger.
(Which don't misread that. I think Mr. Trump has been a rock solid President so far. He's been far, far better than I imagined he would be ... if only because he is exposing the utter hypocrisy of liberalism on a daily basis. Keep that part up dude, and I might opt to consider your candidacy over Senator Booker or former Vice President Biden, come 2020.
Also -- I'm the one person you'll read, as pro-Hillary as it gets?
Who NAILED Donald J. Trump "House of Wings"'s victory ... not only four months in advance, but forty eight hours in advance.)
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9. Organized Religion Is The Cause Of 95% Of The World's Problems. It Is The Solution To None Of Them.
I stand behind that statement, eight years later ... and will until I die.
Because I have faith in things, others don't. (The God of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Read your Bible people -- He's One and The Same.)
And I have hope in things, that others don't. (I believe mankind's best day, is yet to come.)
But to feel love?
There's a reason why Saint Paul wrote I Corinthians 13.
Because there does abide three things -- faith, hope, and love. Those three.
But the greatest of these?
Is love.
Trust that who God made you to be?
Is who He made you to be!
And if your "church" denies you that belief?
Then come to the realization I did (gulp) two decades ago.
That "The Church" is the ultimate hypocrisy.
Because God has never once enacted His agenda?
Through a church.
He's almost always enacted it?
Through the most doubting among us.
Gee -- I wonder why.
#commonsense #hypocrisy
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8. Any Day That Is Hot Enough, That The Thought Of Putting On A T-Shirt Seems Like The Most Retarded Idea in Recorded Human History, Is a Perfect Stevo Day.
What can I say, the Texan in me always wins in the end.
That ... and it would be a grouse understatement that is crinimite in nature, to note that I am loving Summer 2018 so far. Is there any way we can make this last through the end of October, like it usually does in North Texas? Because 90ish and sunny every day is about as perfect as it gets.
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7. There Is No Event In Life, That Cannot Be Tailgated.
In the last ten some odd years, in addition to the concerts, sporting events, and random "makes total sense" tailgates I've been a part of, I have tailgated a wedding, a funeral, multiple office lunches (sadly, alcohol free), watching people lay down new flooring, and a few little league
(You're damned right the "security" at Swope Park looks the other way ... as always, I love KCMO proper. Unless it's Houston or the Metroplex, I never want to live anywhere else, ever.
(Unless this ever happens. And Jesus, I hope we beat California to it.)
You people can have your suburbs, where having an open beer in your driveway might get you arrested. In KCMO? We Have Real Crime!!!!!)
6am, Sunday September 23rd, 2018, cannot get here soon enough ...
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6. If Terrorists Strike the Stadium Where The oakland raiders And "those people" Are Playing, It Is Not A National Tragedy. It Is Cause For A National Celebration.
Honestly, this one should have been number one.
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5. Realizing You Support A Losing Cause, Does Not Make You A Loser. It Makes You A True Believer.
Considering I have voted to elect POTUS accurately twice in my life -- and one of those two, is the only vote I've ever cast for anything, that I wish to God I could do-over *** , I have to cling to this one.
To say nothing of being a fan of (here we go ...) Bucks basketball (hasn't won a postseason series since 2001!), KU football (yes, I really did have season tickets -- for multiple seasons -- once upon a time!), Stars hockey (one playoff berth this decade!), Chiefs football (hasn't won a home playoff game since I was 16 ... and I'll be 42 on Wild Card Weekend this year!), Royals baseball (two playoff berths in 32 years!), Rickie Fowler (he'll never win a major!), Kasey Kahne (can't get credible sponsorship or a credible team!), Sebastien Bourdais (having a sneaky good season for once!), Coors Light (the cheap domestic no credible sporting event sells!) ...
Yeah, I think you get the picture.
(***: in order, I've voted for Clinton, Gore, Bush, McCain, Romney, Clinton. The only one I hate and regret, is Bush. Not because I truly wanted Kerry ... but because Bush's second term was such a f*cking catastrophe, it made Barry unbeatable in 2008.)
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4a. My Drinking Team Has a Football Problem!
4b. You Can't Drink All Day Unless You Start In The Morning!
4c. I'm Not Drunk; I Was Overserved!
4d. I'm Making America Great Again One Drink At a Time!
Those are our last four tailgating group t-shirt slogans, for Chiefs football, in order from 2014 through 2017.
I can't wait to see what we come up with, for 2018.
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3. I Have No Doubt There Is a God. I Just Question Whether or Not He Actually Gives a Sh*t About Me.
Spare me your preaching. There isn't a person who has ever drawn breath, that hasn't believed in this rule, at least once in their lives.
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2. Most Of The Time, One Person Really Can't Make a Difference. Sorry, But It's True.
Even Jesus needed twelve disciples, people. When the Son of God needs help to make things work? I guarantee you "House of Wings" can't solve everything on his own.
But mostly -- and if you (and/or I) forget every other rule in this condensed listing?
It's what used to be Rule Thirty Four ... and is now without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- Rule One ... that you should always adhere to.
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1. If You Ever Make a Decision, And Find That Everyone's Reaction To That Decision Is "You Have To Be A Level Of Dumb F*ck Retard Or Named Stevo" To Have Made That Decision? Just Assume You Really F*cked Up.
Say what you want ... this one only gets truer, as the decades roll on.
At least for me.
#gamblingaddictsbestfriend #neverwageronwhatido
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Thirteen and Twelve are done.
Next Up? Is Eleven ... and this one has potential.
It is my look back at what, in hindsight, wound up being my favorite year of the last ten years ... even if damned near nothing about that year, as it unfolded, made a single bit of sense to me, or a lot of you reading this.
Yup, we're going back five years in time, to a year that saw me and my best friend (at the time) decide to (as of now) never speak to each other again ... a year that saw my dad drop dead twice inside of an hour ... saw not one, not two, but three!, of my four favorite co-workers at "former employer" let go in a six day stretch ... a (technical) year that forced me to endure, the single most painful Chiefs defeat of my life (to say nothing of the trip home, from said defeat)...
But a year that saw the theme to this post, truly take hold:
"Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up!
But we're alive!
Oh life? Is waiting for you!
It's all messed up!
But we'll survive! ..."
The year known ... as Two Thousand and Thirteen.
