... where 2015 is going to be a year to remember for the rest of our lives, and 2020 is off to one helluva start ... and our thursday night pick is "super" cardinals (+3) 28, at seahawks 24 ...
My quarter end for work ends Tuesday. I'm hopeful that means this is the last one of these that is less than its' usual jovial and jocular self. Because just reading picks with little to no commentary is just not that entertaining.
(To say nothing of not mocking Kaptain Klassy, aka Ol' Kietz, aka Sin de Pantalones.)
Oh, and by the way, since I forgot to mention this earlier this season, after what seems like decades of using USA Today's Danny Sullivan as this site's official oddsmaker, I've decided to move on to CBS Sportsline to deliver the official odds used when making these picks. This site has a friend known as "Reputable National Sports Columnist" that writes for the site; it only makes sense to throw that conglomo a bone once a week.
* 4-1-0 Bears (+1 1/2) 20, at 3-2-0 Panthers 14. Raise your hand if you thought this one might have postseason ramifications six weeks ago.
* 1-3-0 Lions (-3) 27, at 1-4-0 Jaguars 17. I know I'm dating myself here ... but god damn, do I miss Rasputin. If the great Wayne Fontes was still on the Lions sideline, they'd win this game by twenty, at least.
* 1-4-0 at Vikings (-3) 41, 0-5-0 "Shane" Falcons 3. I actually think Raheem Morris is a decent coach. Then again, I named this site's predecessor after Herm Edwards, I so believed in that guy, so what the hell do I know.
* 1-4-0 Texans (+3 1/2) 34, at 4-0-0 Titans 20. I know, I know -- the first rule of football gambling should be "never, ever, under any circumstance, in any situation, bet on a team coached by Coach Baffoon". We've lived the Romeo Crennel Experience here in Kansas City. But sometimes, you gotta break the rules. Especially when the opponent isn't as good as its' record, and is playing for the second time in five days.
* 1-4-0 Redskins (+1) 3, 0-5-0 Giants 0. I'm old enough to remember when these two teams represented the NFC in the Super Bowl four out of six years (1986-1991). I'm old enough to remember when this was the Game O' the Year in the NFC. I'm also old enough to remember when Sir Alex Smith's leg snapped in two, and nobody thought he'd play again. Seriously, I wasn't crying when he came in last week, you were ...
* at 4-0-0 Steelers (-3) 27, 4-1-0 Browns 20. This game won't be as close as the score; the Steelers get up big early and the Browns score a garbage time score or two.
* at 1-3-1 Eagles (+10) 27, 4-1-0 Ravens 24. The Eagles are not this bad; the Ravens are not this good. I like the Eagles outright.
* at 3-2-0 Colts 20, 1-3-1 Bengals (+7 1/2) 19. We get this game here in KC at noon, and I'm strangely looking forward to it. I want to see a broken down Phyllis Rivers (not) cursing in frustration that he's the one responsible for how awful Indy's offense is. And I really want to see Joe Burrow, because this kid is gonna be something special if Cincy can fix their offensive line issues in free agency and the draft this offseason.
* at 2-2-0 Patriots (-7 1/2) 34, 1-3-0 those people 14. This is not the "come to Jesus" game for those people. That one is next week. Those people's schedule after these next two weeks is extremely manageable the rest of the way. Hell, I had them opening 0-5 and missing the playoffs on tiebreakers, that's how soft the last ten for them are. Also, this line has dropped 3 1/2 points in four days. What the hell did those people do to suddenly become a field goal better than they were on Monday? Here's to hoping this bad boy falls to 6 1/2 or lower by kickoff Sunday.
* at 2-3-0 Dolphins (+8 1/2) 17, 0-5-0 Jets 0. If there is a hell, this game has to be playing on all of its' television screens.
* at 3-2-0 Buccaneers (+1) 38, 4-0-0 Packers 31. This is about the only thing that sucks about the NFL: you never get cross-conference matchups like Brady / Rodgers was. MLB you go at most three years between a star coming to town. NBA and NHL, you play every team at least once at home every full season. NFL? If said star is in the other conference, you get them at home once every eight years, and if injury is involved * , you may never get to see a superstar matchup, especially at QB1.
(*: the odds we will ever see Mahomes vs Rodgers at Arrowhead are virtually non-existent; Mr. Mahomes was out for last year's matchup, and Green Bay doesn't return to Arrowhead until 2027.)
* at 2-3-0 49ers (+3) 30, 4-1-0 Rams 20. The 49ers need this one desperately. They'll find a way.
* at 2-3-0 Cowboys (+1) 27, 3-2-0 "Super" Cardinals 17. I ask this with a straight face, and with the knowledge Andy Dalton is now Dallas' QB1: how the f*ck is Arizona favored?
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The Homegating Plans.
We are taking the "show on the road" ... sort of. This week's HomeGate will be at the Daily Double in Raytown. If you've never been to everyone's favorite "lounge", it's a throwback to the way bars used to be, right down to still allowing smoking indoors.
The menu is potluck. Bring whatever you'd like to contribute to the food. Drinks you'll have to buy, but in case you've never been to DD before, trust me -- it's cheaper to drink there, than it is to drink at home. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.
And plus, as a side note, all monies raised via people "tipping" for food, as well as buying drinks, is going to a worthy charitable cause; neither our tailgating group (which will be supplying all food), nor Bruce and Kathy (who own the Double) will be keeping a cent raised via your purchases. The monies will be going to a good friend of ours who is not only battling a recurrence of cancer himself, but his "lady friend" is fighting it as well.
Feel free to come out and join us. 63rd and Woodson, far southeast corner next to the Dollar General. We hope to have The Bus set up out front with tailgating games and assorted places to sit and enjoy the day, weather permitting. The fun should begin sometime after lunch -- 2ish or so.
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The Chiefs Prognostication.
* at 4-1-0 Bills (+5 1/2) 34, 4-1-0 Chiefs 27. This line is patently absurd. Bills win on a last minute touchdown drive.
Last Week Straight Up: 8-7-0. Season to Date Straight Up: 45-32-1.
Last Week Against the Spread: 11-4-0. Season to Date Against the Spread: 43-34-1.
Last Week Upset O' The Week: (wadsworth voice) This is getting scary. VERY scary. Season to Date Upset O' The Week Straight Up: 5-1-0, W5. Season to Date Upset O' The Week Against the Spread: 5-1-0, W5. This Week's Upset O' The Week: Browns (+1) over Seahawks.
The Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Byes: Bears, raiders, Bills, Colts. Allow me to say this about the debacle against Indy last Sunday night (of which I witnessed in person every single painful second): that was a F Minus performance by the Red and Gold. F Minus. It's the worst no-show of the "Fat" Andy years since the opener against Tennessee in 2014. It was, in the words of the great Jim Mora Sr., a "disgraceful performance". Also, in the words of the great Jim Mora Sr., "the offense sucked, the defense sucked, the special teams sucked, it was a horsesh*t performance. Horsesh*t!"
And yet … the Chiefs had the ball, 4th and 1, at about their own 40, with a little over five to play, only down six. And everyone in that stadium -- including those 150 plus people on the visitors sideline -- knew if the Chiefs converted that play, they would probably win the game.
That's how good this Chiefs team is, Chiefs fans. They can deliver an absolute horsesh*t performance for fifty five minutes … and still control their own destiny.
This is gonna be a really fun marathon to January. And it resumes with three straight awesome, epic, "you don't want to miss this!" games, beginning at noon tomorrow, in the game I've been drooling over for two years now.
* My Thursday Night pick was at Patriots 24, Giants (+17) 20. * Bucs (+2) 27, Panthers 20 (Game in London). * at Ravens 20, Bengals (+11) 17. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors. * at Browns (+1) 45, Seahawks 20. * at Jaguars (-1) 16, Saints 10. * Redskins (-3) 24, at Dolphins 13. I got woken up (as opposed to the idiotic term "woke up" -- again, if you lazy ass millennials in Ann Arbor, Happy Valley, and Madison had "woke up" on November 8, 2016, and gone to vote, we wouldn't have "House of Wings" in the White House), anyways, I got woken up Monday morning after a long night of football and Power and Light, by a text from "The Voice of Reason", asking me if I'd seen who was taking over the Redskins, after the firing of Jay Gruden.
Had I seen it? Oh hell yes I had!
Ladies and gentlemen? "Sur" Bill Callahan is back!
And in case you'd forgotten just how awesome a head coach "Surrender" Willy is, I invite you to look back fondly at the single lowest moment in Nebraska history (and arguably the high water mark in Kansas history): the "Spirit of 76" Game to open November 2007.
I might have to drop the $30 or $40 to order a single Redskins game this season on DirecTV. I want to see "Sur" William surrender away one more time. Because just as he surrendered the Big XII North to Kansas? Let alone Missouri, Iowa State, KSU, and Colorado?
He's gonna surrender his team to the Eagles, Cowboys, and Giants, right into a top two pick. Where they can yet again whiz away said top flight pick on a quarterback who'll bomb out within three years.
All Hail the Redskins!
* at Vikings (-3) 27, Eagles 23. * "Shane" Falcons (-2 1/2) 26, at "Super" Cardinals 20. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors. * at Rams (-4) 51, 49ers 30. * at those people (-2 1/2) 13, Titans 10. (stevo sighing in disgust). Yes, as of now, I will be there Thursday night. I want to see their season buried and dead in person. Work willing.
* Cowboys 24, at Jets (+7) 21. I actually think the Jets are gonna win this, setting up one epic "everything up to and including the kitchen sink" game next Monday to save the season. Because yes, Pete Stoyanovich, the Jets season needs to be saved. I just don't have the balls to pick it.
* at "Super" Chargers 24, Steelers (+6) 21. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors. * Lions (+4 1/2) 28, at Packers 20. The "Klassy" Kevin Kietzman Tweet O' The Week.
What can I say folks? Kaptain Klassy is back!
Where to begin? The Pantsless One having a tweet sponsored by a beauty product for flawless skin? The Kommander of the Kurbside b*tching and moaning about how he only got one minute on the air to complain that the Chiefs have gotten lazy, that KU is going to get the death penalty, and that the Royals' Jorge Soler is worthless because he wouldn't be recognized on The Plaza on a typical Tuesday?
Or my personal favorite, his kandid komment that he "needs new friends". Wait -- I thought you had a lil' friend who was going to slice your handicap down to five or better? Or is the intro to your Twitter feed yet another lie out of "K"KK's mouth?
For the love dude -- not even the late, great Sir William Grigsby ever took out his disgust over demotion on the dog. I mean, if the late, great Harry ever ran free on the crime-riddled streets of Parkville, it wasn't due to being ditched by his owner.
I think Klueless Kev needs some professional help. Please -- get help somewhere. Because this is beginning to border on the insane and/or delusional. And trust me -- nobody you'll ever meet knows the fine line between insane and delusional, better than me.
The Watching Party Plans.
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.
The Tailgating Plans.
At last check, we are doing a bunch of chilis and soups, to keep things simple. It's going to be too damned cold tomorrow to do anything else.
We will have a grill going for brats, dogs, and jalapeno poppers.
As always, anyone who wishes to join in, is always welcome and wanted. Blake, Chance and I will be down to save our spots by 6:30. Hope to see y'all tomorrow.
Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.
So … I'm rolling two sections into one this week, because you could also call this the …
Stevo Drink O' The Week.
(stevo sighing in disgust).
It all began in August, when my good buddy Andrew came down for the 49ers preseason game with his college roommate Brock. We made a quick liquor store run to get some libations for the tailgate, and Brock wound up buying something he referred to as "The Claw".
Needless to say, that was the phrase of the weekend: "The Claw".
(Note: something about to become decriminalized here in Missouri come January 1st, may have contributed to making that the phrase of the weekend.)
So yes, this week's update … is that I am damned near addicted to the Black Cherry White Claw seltzer.
Two years after what "could've been", the two top prospects of the 2017 NFL Draft, are going to duel for what is hopefully the first of twenty, twenty five showdowns.
I cannot possibly put into words, how geeked I am, for Mahomes / Watson I.
If there is any game at Arrowhead you can make this year?
This is the one to make.
Because the great "what if" in Chiefs franchise history … is about to play out, for the first time.
And yet … godd*mmit, watching Deshaun Watson, makes you ask out loud "wait -- did we blow this pick"?
And I know -- for a Chiefs fan to question drafting Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", is borderline blasphemy. And yet, I can't help asking the question … because watching Deshaun Watson is that f*cking amazing.
Folks? We're going to see greatness for the first time Sunday afternoon. Hopefully for the first of twenty plus times. The two quarterbacks who are going to define the AFC for the next decade, at least, will finally meet each other (the script voice) for the first time.
I am so f*cking ready for this.
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For the record, this season:
Picking the Chiefs:
* Straight Up: 3-2-0. (L Jaguars, W raiders, W Ravens, W Lions, L Colts).
* Against the Spread: 2-3-0. (L Jaguars, W raiders, W Ravens, L Lions, L Colts).
Is this where I note that last year at this time, I was 5-0-0 both SU and ATS, picking the Chiefs, going into Foxboro?
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Let the "Could've Been Bowl I" begin.
Because again, I am so freaking ready for this.
It's been a long, long time since I woke up without an alarm for a noon game. Usually the night before a noon game, I stay over at the Second Parents, because it's far easier to have Mona pound on my door for five minutes to get my ass out of bed, than rely on my hung over self * to drive fifteen minutes at five in the morning, to make Bus-off.
And that truth will hold tonight.
(*: this is a lie. I never get hangovers. I know you laugh at that … but it's the truth. I never get hangovers. It's both a blessing, and a curse.)
But I suspect I'll be wide awake at 3:30 tomorrow morning … if not sooner.
* at Chiefs 51, Texans (+4) 48 (OT).
This is going to be one to tell the grandkids about.
Last Week ATS: 6-8-1. Season to Date ATS: 40-33-5.
Last Week Upset / Week: holy hell, Batman. Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-3-0 SU; 2-2-1 ATS. This Week Upset / Week: keep reading.
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The Non-Jets, Non those people, Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Eagles (-3) 31, at Giants 13. * at "Shane" Falcons (-3 1/2) 38, Bucs 24. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors. * at Redskins (-1) 24, Panthers 13. * Seahawks (-3) 30, raiders 20 (Game in London). "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors. * at Vikings (-10) 34, "Super" Cardinals 6. * at Bengals (-2 1/2) 31, Steelers 14. * at Browns (+1) 17, "Super" Chargers 14 (OT). * at Texans (-10) 45, Bills 14. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors. * Bears (-3) 24, at Dolphins 20. * at Titans (+2 1/2) 23, Ravens 20. * at Cowboys (+3) 24, Jaguars 20. * at Packers (-9 1/2) 31, 49ers 10. "The Resident Is Better Than This Sh*t" honors.
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
I'm giving Ol' Klassy a pass this week, mainly because the most inexcusable thing he's tweeted all week is confusing Milwaukee's former baseball team, with its' current one, as to which one made the NLCS. Let's hope "K"KK gives us some material to use next week.
The Tailgating Plans.
There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a game I will be in attendance for.
The Watching Party Plans.
There'll be a watching party at my Second Parents. I'm just not sure if it will be indoors, outdoors, or both. (The forecast here in Kansas City is, uuh, a bit wacko right now.) The menu (as always for the Patriots) will be Brady Brats and Patty Melts, plus assorted sides and libations.
Stevo's Drink O' The Week.
If you headed out to Arrowhead last Sunday, then you know that it was (a) somewhat cold, (b) somewhat wet, and (c) somewhat miserable for tailgating. Which made the drink of choice easy.
The Benchwarmer.
The Chiefs used to sell these inside Arrowhead in the early 2000s (note: they probably still do; I just haven't sought one out in years). A benchwarmer is some nice frothy hot chocolate mixed with a healthy dosage of peppermint schnapps. It is phenomenal, especially boiled on a grill during tailgating.
Give it a try; just like with most things I highly recommend in life?
Either it's totally worth it ... or just assume I'm so high, I'd try anything.
The Flashback.
C'mon gang. Peoples and Peepettes. There's only one game to choose for this week's The Flashback.
And that was the beauty the Chiefs and Patriots staged at Arrowhead in Week 15, 1992.
As with most things in life that are more than twenty five years passed, I'd worried I'd (bill clinton voice) misremembered the details of the day. Unfortunately, I haven't. Pro Football Focus confirms the day was as f*cking miserable as I recall: 40ish, brutal wind, dumping down rain.
This is the game best remembered as the one where Bill Maas infamously said the following, regarding the Chiefs chances to win:
"If we put our helmets on, we win".
Not quite, Sir William. Because the Chiefs did their damndest that day to give the game to the Patriots. The Pats jumped out early 7-0 on a defensive touchdown caused by the (virtually) unplayable conditions. The Pats led 13-3 early in the 2nd quarter, 13-6 at halftime ... before the Red and Gold (no doubt motivated by one hell of a halftime speech by someone) poured it on, scoring three touchdowns on three possessions to assume control of the game, and hold on to win 27-20.
The Chiefs needed the win to keep pace with your San Diego "Super" Chargers, who had won nine out of ten to tie the Chiefs in the division standings with two games to play. Sadly, the Chiefs would choke away the division the following Saturday in New York, losing to a god-awful Giants team in blowout fashion ... but setting up one of my absolute favorite Chiefs games of all time, to close the 1992 regular season.
We'll get to that one, two weeks from now. And trust me, it's worth the wait. No fan of the Red and Gold that's at least 40 years old, could fail to name the 1992 finale, in their top ten favorite games ever.
Or as Kevin Harlan so perfectly noted: "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"
But above it all, stands one proud those person: Defensive End derek wolfe. Who, love him or hate him (and we all know which one I choose), love him or hate him, is brutally, brutally honest about the state of affairs in those people land.
So going forward in this magical season that those people have so richly, justly, and completely earned, I intend to check in via mr. wolfe (and others) as to the true state of affairs inside the eighth layer of hell, and then enjoy the hell out of picking these ass-eaters to lose and lose big.
"It's sad we got fans behind our bench talking sh*t, talking about how we don't play with heart and don't play as hard as we can. Bullsh*t! We're playing as hard as we can every single snap!"
But let's be fair here. Surely, like every other team in the division, those people have a quarterback under center you can envision being there three years from now, right?
And it's only Week Six! We still have eleven more weeks of the "mile high meltdown" to enjoy!
Anyway, the choice. To me, this is simple. There's one person who is going to decide this game ... and he ain't on those people's sideline. Although he used to be.
Hide the women and children. By the time "Son O' Bum" is done exacting his revenge on this worthless organization, it's gonna make General Sherman's March to the Sea look like a kid in a sandbox.
* Rams (-7) 52, at those people 0.
The Jets Prediction.
If they can't beat the Colts at home, it's going to be a long march to December.
* at Jets (-2 1/2) 24, Colts 14.
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Picking the Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 5-0-0. Against the Spread: 5-0-0. Upset / Week (When Applicable): 1-0-0.
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(the congregation) (shifting restlessly in the second office)
(pastor stevo) (shuffling the sermon notes)
(pastor stevo) (taking a chug of something alcoholic in nature)
Why that struck me, is because I too have been thinking of comparing the 2003 Chiefs to this year's version. Except from a different angle.
Because just like the 2003 Chiefs had their shot to dethrone "the king", and assume the throne for themselves, potentially for a generation (if not a solid five years) to come?
So too, do the 2018 Chiefs.
On Sunday night.
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Given that 2003 is (gulp) fifteen years ago, perhaps a look back at that team -- and the wackiness that the AFC entering 2003 was -- is in order.
For starters, your division champions in 2002 were the Jets, Steelers, Titans, and raiders. That in and of itself wasn't that surprising; the Steelers hosted the AFC Title Game the prior season, the Titans hadn't had a losing record since 1997 and had made the playoffs three of the previous four seasons, the Jets hadn't had a losing record since 1996 and had made the playoffs in three of the previous five seasons, and the raiders had won three straight AFC West championships.
Your wild card teams in 2002 ... well one of them was the Colts, making their third playoff appearance in four years. The other was the Browns, making their first (and only) appearance in the playoffs as the "New Browns". That's a bit weird.
Also weird? A full twelve teams in the AFC went .500 or better! No, really -- they did! Including two entire divisions finishing .500 or better: the AFC West and AFC East ...
And as 2003 dawned, the AFC figured to be as feisty as ever. But there was one team that had the target on its' back above all others: the defending AFC Champion ... oakland raiders.
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The 2003 season for the Chiefs started out about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then back to back blowouts against the Steelers (home) and Texans (road). The Chiefs scored 110 points in those first three games, while the defense bent (allowing 48) but not really breaking.
And as Week Three ended, "The King" of the AFC was ... well, struggling. They lost the AFC Title Game rematch to the Titans to open the season in Nashville, beat the Bengals in the Black Hole, and got pole-axed at fake mile high in a Week Three prime time game. There's no shame in any of those outcomes ... but there's nothing to be proud of in there either.
The 2018 season for the Chiefs has started about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then a near-blowout against the Steelers (road) and an obliteration of the 49ers (home). The Chiefs scored 118 points in those first three games, while the defense bent mightily (allowing 92 points) ... yet never breaking.
There is one difference between the two squads though.
The 2018 Chiefs never trailed through the first weeks of the season.
The 2003 Chiefs did -- for over 22 minutes, of football action.
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Week Four.
If ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2003. The Chiefs, on the road, against a Ravens team that would go on to win the AFC North that season ... on national television.
And if ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2018. The Chiefs, on the road, against (IMNHO) our most hated divisional rival ... on national television.
Everyone and their brother saying this is it. This is the moment the Chiefs tumble back down to earth.
And for three and a half quarters -- in both seasons -- everyone and their drunk Uncle Bill were 100% correct.
The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against the Ravens fifteen years ago. The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against those people two weeks ago.
And then, "the moment".
In Baltimore fifteen years ago, it was a penalty. A rare penalty on the kicking team, after the Ravens tied the game with barely six minutes to play, that forced a rekick of the, uuh, kickoff.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment the 2003 Chiefs season got real:
Against those people, it was a play that literally moved this dude to tears, to make this 2018 Chiefs season get real:
Impossibly, improbably ... 4-0. 2003. 2018. 4-0.
With a far, far bigger challenge coming next, each season.
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In 2003, that challenge was a showdown that still to this day rates amongst the greatest of days at Arrowhead.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 4-0 those people.
Last week, that challenge was a showdown against a team many consider to be the best in the AFC at every position save one.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 3-1 Jacksonville.
In 2003, those people had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the raiders in Week Three.
In 2018, the Jaguars had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the Patriots in Week Two.
I suppose here is where I mention, the similarities actually end for a week, between 2003 and 2018. The 2003 Chiefs trailed nearly all day long, needed a miraculous punt return with barely nine to play to grab a one point lead, and then held on for dear life for the ensuing nine minutes.
The 2018 Chiefs led 23-0 at halftime after Chris Jones' awesome touchdown pick, and were never seriously threatened most of the day.
But still, at the end of the day, each version of the Chiefs stood at 5-0, the last unbeaten in the NFL ... and making apologies for that fact, to nobody.
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And so here we are. The Showdown with "The King" of the Conference.
The 2003 Chiefs had to survive one more game before getting their shot at the defending conference champs ... and "survive" is a misnomer. They had to stage a comeback for the ages. Trailing 34-17 with barely eight minutes to play, the Chiefs scored the final 23 points, including a touchdown in overtime to Johnny Morton, to somehow win 40-34 at Lambeau Field.
But just like the 2018 Chiefs, the 2003 Chiefs got their shot at knocking off "The King" -- on the road, in the biggest prime time game of the week.
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Knock off "The King", those 2003 Chiefs did, quite literally -- they ended Rich Gannon's career early in the second quarter, sending oakland spiraling into a lost season that ended at 4-12, saw "Sur" William Callahan fired, and saw an endless string of loser coaching and double digit loss seasons begin. Whatever one may think of the blown opportunity that Monday Nighter in late October 2003 wound up being, there can be no doubt: the young contender took their shot at the champion, and shattered every bone in said champion's body.
And now, fifteen years later, the Chiefs have the chance to do the same thing again: end the champion's reign.
Young Simba has the chance on Sunday night to announce to the world?
That he's through waiting, to be king.
Or, more to the point -- he's done with a 40 plus year old quarterback, proclaiming himself, to be the king.
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So after all this, allow me to say four things, then make the prognostication.
1. This game is NOT going to be a blowout, either way. I know both regular season games between "Fat" Andy and Bill Belichick in the last five years have been Chiefs obliterations of the Patriots. That ain't happening Sunday night. In fact, if there is going to be a blowout Sunday night, I'd wager on the Patriots, providing the whopping of proverbial ass.
2. I honestly believe, this is the only time these teams will meet this season. Mainly because I believe these will be the top two seeds in the AFC when the dust settles, and at least one of them will sh*t the bed at home in the Divisional Round. (For once, I pray it's not us. Please -- just once.)
3. The key to this game will be the Chiefs ability to generate a rush on Brady without sacrificing the secondary to do it. The Chiefs linebacking core is in worse shape than Lionel Richie after his wife caught him cheating on her back in the day. I honestly see no way this is going to happen. "Bulldog" Bob Sutton is going to have to gamble with safety and corner blitzes. To be fair, this strategory worked big time in the last matchup, to open the 2017 season. But the Chiefs were also playing two scores ahead most of the second half last year. Which is point four.
4. If Dustin Colquitt punts more than five times, the Chiefs will lose. Frankly, I'd drop the number to four, but I always try to build in the "nobody gives a sh*t" punt to end the first half to simply bleed the clock (ditto potentially in the second half as well).
The Chiefs went 5 for 5 against the 49ers in the first half. Five possessions, five touchdowns. They were up 14-0 on the Chargers barely two minutes into the game. Jacksonville was down 23-0 before the rain stopped last week. Even the Steelers were down 21-0 and a gratuitous holding call away from being down 28-0 before the first quarter was over.
The ONLY game the Chiefs have struggled to bury their opponent early, was the game against those people ... and go figure, it's the only game they've trailed in.
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Sunday night, the Chiefs king-in-waiting has one hell of a golden opportunity, to shorten the waiting period before he takes the throne. Just like Trent Green had fifteen years ago.
Fifteen years ago, the Chiefs were the best offense in football, led by the brightest offensive mind the sport had to offer. Just like the Chiefs of today.
Sunday night, a Chiefs defense that couldn't stop a quadrapalegic from scoring takes the field. Just like the Chiefs of fifteen years ago.
Forgotten about that Chiefs victory fifteen years ago?
Is that the 32 Defense held, on the final play of the game, to get the Chiefs to 7-0, via a last second goalline stand to emerge victorious at 17-10.
What I don't think will be forgotten anytime soon about Sunday night?
Is that the Chiefs defense, isn't going to be on the field, when the game is decided.
Or as Sir Elton John put it best, pushing (gulp) 25 years ago:
"The time has come, as some have said,
To talk of many things.
That may be true, but I would rather
Stick to talking kings!
It's easy to be royal,
If you're already leoline.
'Cause it isn't just my right --
Even my left? Will be divine!
The (Kingdom) is waiting
To go zing?
Oh I just can't wait
To be king!
I just can't wait?
To be king!!!!!!"
Your Upset O' The Week?
(stevo sighing in disgust voice) Take a mother f*cking guess.
* Chiefs (+3 1/2) 41, at Patriots 38, via a Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" touchdown pass to Demetrius Harris, as time expires.
This is gonna be fun folks. And it's only about to get funner ...
Last Week ATS: 10-3-1. It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it!
Season to Date ATS: 54-21-2 (70.13%).
Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: bango.
Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 4-1-0 both SU and ATS.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: Lions (+4 ½) over Saints.
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Predictions: Byes: Bengals, Bills, Cowboys, Seahawks. My Thursday Night pick was at Panthers (-3) 31, Eagles 21. A quality, watchable Thursday Night game? (joey russo voice) Whoa! * at Texans (-9 ½) 41, Browns 3. Kevin Hogan has to be the worst Hogan to (dis)grace our television screens since fellow TCU alumnus Sandy Duncan was (dis)gracing our television screening starring in “The Hogan Family”. (Pause). So yeah, (fidelity ad guy voice) why not; let’s give “Empty Nest” a week off. “Hogan Family Game O’ The Week” honors. * at “Shane” Falcons (-13) 38, Dolphins 13. Miami would have been better off plucking Mr. Falco off his boat, than employing Jay Cutler. “Gordon Shumway and the Melmacians Game O’ The Week” honors. * Lions (+4 ½) 35, at Saints 24. The Lions are one bullsh*t replay review and one third down stop away from being 5-0 folks. This team is good. * at Vikings (+3) 20, Packers 13. My fantasy team is due for a bad game out of Senor Rodgers. * at Ravens (-6 ½) 20, Bears 13. Thanks for the half point, Danny! Also, “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors. * at Redskins 24, 49ers (+11) 21.“Good Times Game O’ The Week” honors. * at Jaguars (-2) 30, Rams 13. Are we really ready for a world where an AFC South team is two games above .500 before Week Seventeen? * at raiders (NL) 24, “Super” Chargers 17. Guessing the NL is due to derek carr. I’ll treat it as a pick ‘em for spread purposes. * at “Super” Cardinals (+1 ½) 34, Buccaneers 20. Are you sh*tting me? Tampa is favored? On the road? This looks too obvious. * at those people (-11 ½) 31, Giants 0. Don’t be fooled -- those people will get to 4-1 thanks to playing half their home schedule in the first six weeks. Good luck with seven of your next ten on the road, guys. * Colts (NL) 17, at Titans 13. Guessing the NL is due to Marcus Mariota’s status. I’d take the Colts whether he plays or not. The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week: Allow me to register my disappointment, my extreme disappointment!, that Klassy Kev didn’t at least tweet out a message of support for Harvey Weinstein. Then again, Ol’ Klassy survived and thrived after his (alleged) sexual involvement with an intern / potential employee, so as the upstanding family man he (allegedly) is, he probably can’t be bothered with things like (allegedly) pulling his pants up, after (allegedly) intimidating an intern / potential employee into doing (alleged) sexual favors for him. God above bless it, some weeks? This sh*t writes itself ... The Watching Party Plans: There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs home game. The Tailgating Plans: At last count, we have twelve riding out on The Bus. It departs by 9am. The Chiefs STM email says gates open at 10:30; I call fertilizer on that. They’ll be open no later than 10am, and probably 9:30. (They opened a full thirty minutes early for the Redskins game.) (And also, I have an email in to my “highly placed confidential source speaking on condition of anonymity, “Rufus”, to see what he thinks. He’s run the gate(s) we enter through for five years now, and has never once been wrong. Up to and including this disgrace.) The menu is Pittsburgers, hot fries, assorted side dishes, and all the libations your liver will eventually refuse to handle. Feel free to join us. We’re not Red Roof Inn in that we’ll leave a light on for you … but we will save you a parking space or two. The 2 Legit 2 Colquitt Picks: Since nobody appears to give a sh*t, I’ll take a pass this week. If you actually want these, hit me up on email or in the comments before early Sunday morning, and I’ll try to get something up. “Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update: Northbound Broadway is still under construction from Linwood to 31st; the “disreputable” truck is still nowhere around. And trust me -- I looked. I figured, given that I work next door to PennTower, two blocks from FOX 4, and across the street from Children’s Mercy Broadway -- to say nothing of the Kansas City Life building and the Uptown Theater within a four block walk of my domicile during the day -- that it would park somewhere close. It didn’t. (Although in fairness to the people working on replacing the cables / power cords underneath North Broadway … they were working on South Broadway from 31st to Linwood when I interviewed at “current employer” for the first time. That was August 11th. They didn’t finish until September 29th. This could be an ugly two months.) So, I dared venture further down Broadway (to the south; all that’s to the north is Penn Valley Park and the famous Scout Statue) this week, and lo and behold, there’s some pretty damned decent lil’ restaurants a few blocks away! I mean, anyone can do Gates on Linwood, or the Wendy’s on Main, or the McDonalds on 39th. I’ll pass on those … if only because I’m guessing having a beer or three at Gates over lunch would be frowned on. But man -- how awesome the area so close to Hyde Park they claim the area is, uuh, Hyde Park, uuh, is! A few highlights / places you should check out: * Monarch Coffee is really good. Nice lil’ place if you’re not looking for anything too filling. Now, it isn’t Second Best Coffee … but it’s really good. * the Shio Ramen Shop is INSANELY overpriced on first glance … until you eat it. It’s worth the $20 expenditure … albeit probably not every day. But my favorite spot discovered this week, isn’t a food shop -- it’s a fashion shop ... (tenacious d voice) for the ladies. * Dear Society. Their chalkboard on the sidewalk is beyond awesome. This week’s sign until yesterday was “Clear Eyes. Full sleeves. Can’t lose … at these prices!” I damned near nutted on the spot. I mean, a “Friday Night Lights” reference on a random sidewalk a block from the Uptown Theater? Are you f*cking kidding me? So, to those of you reading this who never make it into the city? This is why I so f*cking love working in it, and living in it. Y’all can have suburbia. Give me a neighborhood where something other than grey, blue, or tan is allowed as a house color. (For the record, mine is a faded yellow … in need of a paint job.) Give me a coffee shop that doesn’t serve Starbucks, and is insulted to serve you if you compare them to that third rate slave shop. Give me a neighborhood where you can walk into a bar, and the first thing your bartender says is “You’re late -- the ice started to melt!” on the drink (s)he has already poured for you, anticipating your arrival. You can keep your Saints. I’ll keep my Walsh’s Corner Cocktails. You can have your Johnny’s. I’ll keep my Ollie’s. You can have your view of cul-de-sacs, five year old trees that are already struggling to grow, and your home owner associations. I’ll take working in a building older than my parents, owned by, uuh, owners, dedicated to living and dying with the urban core (and investing in it too), as they pay me nearly $10,000 / yr more to be there, when everything is taken into consideration, than “suburban employer in Overland Park” ever did. (My way of saying: please hurry back, “Disreputable Mexican Food Truck”! I hate waxing philosophical like this! Because I suck at it!) The Jets Best Guess: For one Sunday, one magical, hopeful Sunday, I suspend my doubts. I suspend my disbelief. For one magical (hopefully at least) five minute span of my life, I dare to dream. * at Jets (+9 ½) 24, Patriots 21 (OT). Oh, and for those of you coming out to tailgate on the sacred grounds of the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign, Roger should have the flat screen mounted on the short bus next to us, to watch it. If he doesn’t? I’m bringing both the iPad and iPhone, in case I need to stream the game through the iPad via my DirecTV feed. (fireman ed voice) J! E! T! S! Jets Jets Jets! And now … for the main event. The Chiefs Prognostication: Allow me a brief flashback, peoples and peepettes, to (whitney houston voice) one moment in time from Monday, October 2nd. (And those of you who know me best? It’s not the moment you would think, this would be, given my texts about the walk in and through security.) -------------------- I arrived at The Bus Barn a little bit before noon, changed from actual classy attire (shirts and ties are mandatory at “current employer”, (beatles voice) eight days a week!), into classy Stevo GameDay attire (because nothing says “I’m getting my drink on today!” like a wife beater and old shorts), and after we got the coolers and the generator loaded onto The Bus, I grabbed a round of beers to enjoy as we waited for everyone else to arrive. Chris was the next to arrive. She’s an amazing friend that I never would have met if I didn’t sit in Section 132 for a decent chunk of my life. She moved to Puerto Rico a few years ago for most of the year, and I was blessed enough to be able to spend a week down there with her earlier this summer. She fled the island the day before Hurricane Maria hit. As of that Monday, she still had not heard from her loved ones and family, who weren’t able to get out. (Thankfully, she now has; all is good, save for, you know, no power, no drinkable water, no credible food, no internet or cellular connections -- you know, the basic necessities of life. But hey, POTUS is willing to “loan” them a couple billion dollars. How generous of a man who is wealthier than 99.26% of the island’s inhabitants combined. Anyways, back to the point of the story … assuming I had one.) And as she began to describe what she knew, she made the following statement (or something damned close to it): “I need to scream today! You know? I’m so angry at (Mr. Trump) that … this (game)? This is my therapy!” And I thought “well sh*t, that sounds reasonable”. Because let’s face it, we all need a time or three in life to just explode. To vent. Whether it be in support of something amazing, or in opposition to something so hurtful and tragic and unimaginable that it rocks our foundation and our core of beliefs to its, uuh, core. God knows I’ve done enough of both, in my life so far. -------------------- Last Monday, that’s what we as a fanbase did. We vocalized our emotions. That stadium was loud last week, folks. And I do mean loud. Even Seth Keysor at Arrowhead Pride noted the noise -- and if you were there for that Steelers game in January, the idea that Arrowhead would be louder for a (if we’re being honest here) relatively meaningless Monday Night game to end the first quarter of the season, is a bit ridiculous to contemplate. And yet, it was louder. (And thankfully, the outcome was better.) Sunday? We somehow, someway? HAVE to top last Monday. -------------------- Chiefs fans, I would argue Sunday is THE biggest regular season game (non-December or January edition) the Chiefs have ever hosted. Because with a win on Sunday, we can all but eliminate every freaking team -- save for those people -- from consideration for home field advantage throughout the postseason. Consider: The Patriots are already three behind us (Chiefs hold tiebreaker). The Bills, Jets, and Dolphins (all have two losses) all still face the Chiefs in the last six weeks -- does anyone believe, barring catastrophic injury issues, the Chiefs are losing any of those games? (Only the Jets contest is on the road … and yeah, given my inability to deliver a road victory I attend in person outside of a game staged at NRG Reliant, this one terrifies me folks.) The Ravens have lost twice … and they’re going to lose at least two more. The Jaguars have lost twice … and come on, they’re not going 11-0 the rest of the way. The Texans (who will win the South) are four behind the Chiefs entering this week (Chiefs hold tiebreaker). The raiders are already three back, and the Chiefs can all but end their season next Thursday night with a win in the Black Hole * . It’s really that simple, Chiefs fans. Win Sunday, and all the Chiefs have to do to simply MAKE the playoffs is go 4-6 the rest of the way. (And honestly, given who’s left on the schedule and the tiebreakers already held, 3-7 would probably do it, provided the three are all in the AFC.) They still have the Chargers, Dolphins, and Bills at home, and still travel to the Jets and Giants. You think they’re losing ANY of those five? (Note: I do, actually -- that Buffalo game terrifies me, especially if the Chiefs are 10-0 entering it … a mark they’ve never held before. (The franchise best start is 9-0, in 2003 and 2013.)) But even if they lose one of those five, AND lost three of four to those people and the raiders, and at Dallas, they’re still 11-5, they still will hold so many tiebreakers they’re a lock for the five seed, and they still probably win the division. Again -- do you think the raiders are going to sweep the Chiefs? Do you think those people are sweeping the Chiefs? Do you think the Chiefs can’t do what the Rams and Packers have done in the last two weeks, and beat a flawed Cowboys team with no credible home field advantage on the road? Sunday is huge folks. It is absolutely hu-yuge. -------------------- (*: 2003, a 6-0 Chiefs squad nobody expected much more than a playoff berth out of, visited an up-and-coming raiders squad fresh off their best season in fifteen years, at oakland on a Monday Night … at 2-4. The Chiefs not only held on to win 17-10 via the famous “tim brown tackled at the goalline” final pass … and the Chiefs not only effective ended the raiders season that night … but we TOTALLY ended dick gannon’s career. He never took another snap after the first half was over. I’d be fine with a repeat, only replace “derek carr” for “dick gannon”.) -------------------- I truly hope each and every person reading this, manages to make their way into that stadium on Sunday. (Especially if you’re a Chiefs fan.) I think this is going to be something … (pause). Well sh*t, do I retire the phrase or not? (Thinking.) For what might be the last time, ladies and gentlemen, the single most influential American of the twentieth century, the legendary Mr. Hugh M. Hefner. (mr. hugh m. hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something … REALLY special! I cannot even begin to put into words how geeked I am for this game. I’ve been trying for three days. I’m done trying. If you cannot get fired up for this, then you just don’t love football. You’re getting two of the five odds-on favorites to win the Lombardi going at it, with one of them all but backed into a corner, and the other looking to (william zabka voice) “sweep the leg” and crush the life out of their opponent. You’ve got Kansas City’s finest, the incredible Melissa Etheridge, FINALLY performing the National Anthem. (If you follow her on Twitter, you know she might be -- ok, is -- the only person anticipating this game more than I am. She can’t contain her excitement. Every solid twenty, thirty minutes on Friday, she’d just re-up the ante, re-up the hype, re-tweet her beautiful, sweet, childish joy at FINALLY getting this honor.) This Anthem is going to be legendary folks. Legen … wait for it … Dary. And not in an Eli Young Band kind of way. Sh*t, I’m so fired up, I might even cheer the flyover. I will grant you, I will probably calculate how many people in Puerto Rico could have been fed, bathed, or sheltered instead of wasting the money on a stupid stunt … but for one day? I’ll let it slide. #unido Because from the moment go on Sunday -- and I’m guessing that will be about 4:26am for me -- that stadium is going to be filled with an energy, a passion, an enthusiasm, the likes of which we haven’t seen in awhile. It’s going to be enough? To make even the heavens, want to be in attendance. -------------------- Sunday? Well, let me quote the second verse of the theme for this week: Sunday? “I have stepped into your temple;
I have sat upon your pew.
And I have dreamed of the divinity?
Inside and out of you!
I want it more than truth --
I can taste it on my breath!
I would give my life just for a little,
A little death …”
I want this. Badly. For forty f*cking years, I have stepped into the First Church of Arrowhead. I have sat in many a pew -- be it in 109, 132, or my current primary spot in 339. I have certainly dreamed many a happy thought of awesome, incredible feats -- Tamarick Vanover in overtime Week Six 1995 topping all of them so far. This is the best team this franchise has fielded since 1997, and I’d argue this is the only squad that, talent wise, can approach 1993 (the best in my lifetime … so far). Sunday? Is our Wild Card Game. Because I truly believe the moment? Is going to somehow, top the hype. * at Chiefs 27, Steelers (+4) 24 (OT). Hopefully I will see you Sunday. I truly mean this, I hope I get to high-five each person reading this, if not flat out hug you. I am so f*cking ready. I hope you are too. But if you need some “liquid encouragement”? Feel free to stop by. It’s my week to buy the booze. In the words of the late Senator Edward M. Kennedy, “you can bet your ass” we’ll be overstocked ...
