“The rope that’s wrapped around me?
Is cutting through my skin.
And the doubts that have surrounded me?
Are finding their way in.
I keep it close to me,
Like a holy man prays --
In my desperate hour?
It’s better, it’s better that way.
So I’ll come by and see you again.
And I’ll be such a very good friend.
Have mercy on my soul;
(Because) I will never let you know?
Where my mind has been …
Angels?
Never came down!
There’s no one here!
(Yet) they want to hang around!
But if they knew?
If they knew you at all?
Then one by one?
The angels?
The angels would fall!!! …”
-- “Angels Would Fall” by Melissa Etheridge.
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Last Week SU: 9-5-0. What a way to make a livin’!
Season to Date SU: 54-23-0 (70.13%).
Last Week ATS: 10-3-1. It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it!
Season to Date ATS: 54-21-2 (70.13%).
Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: bango.
Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 4-1-0 both SU and ATS.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: Lions (+4 ½) over Saints.
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Predictions:
Byes: Bengals, Bills, Cowboys, Seahawks.
My Thursday Night pick was at Panthers (-3) 31, Eagles 21. A quality, watchable Thursday Night game? (joey russo voice) Whoa!
* at Texans (-9 ½) 41, Browns 3. Kevin Hogan has to be the worst Hogan to (dis)grace our television screens since fellow TCU alumnus Sandy Duncan was (dis)gracing our television screening starring in “The Hogan Family”. (Pause). So yeah, (fidelity ad guy voice) why not; let’s give “Empty Nest” a week off. “Hogan Family Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at “Shane” Falcons (-13) 38, Dolphins 13. Miami would have been better off plucking Mr. Falco off his boat, than employing Jay Cutler. “Gordon Shumway and the Melmacians Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Lions (+4 ½) 35, at Saints 24. The Lions are one bullsh*t replay review and one third down stop away from being 5-0 folks. This team is good.
* at Vikings (+3) 20, Packers 13. My fantasy team is due for a bad game out of Senor Rodgers.
* at Ravens (-6 ½) 20, Bears 13. Thanks for the half point, Danny! Also, “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Redskins 24, 49ers (+11) 21. “Good Times Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Jaguars (-2) 30, Rams 13. Are we really ready for a world where an AFC South team is two games above .500 before Week Seventeen?
* at raiders (NL) 24, “Super” Chargers 17. Guessing the NL is due to derek carr. I’ll treat it as a pick ‘em for spread purposes.
* at “Super” Cardinals (+1 ½) 34, Buccaneers 20. Are you sh*tting me? Tampa is favored? On the road? This looks too obvious.
* at those people (-11 ½) 31, Giants 0. Don’t be fooled -- those people will get to 4-1 thanks to playing half their home schedule in the first six weeks. Good luck with seven of your next ten on the road, guys.
* Colts (NL) 17, at Titans 13. Guessing the NL is due to Marcus Mariota’s status. I’d take the Colts whether he plays or not.
The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:
Allow me to register my disappointment, my extreme disappointment!, that Klassy Kev didn’t at least tweet out a message of support for Harvey Weinstein. Then again, Ol’ Klassy survived and thrived after his (alleged) sexual involvement with an intern / potential employee, so as the upstanding family man he (allegedly) is, he probably can’t be bothered with things like (allegedly) pulling his pants up, after (allegedly) intimidating an intern / potential employee into doing (alleged) sexual favors for him.
God above bless it, some weeks?
This sh*t writes itself ...
The Watching Party Plans:
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs home game.
The Tailgating Plans:
At last count, we have twelve riding out on The Bus. It departs by 9am. The Chiefs STM email says gates open at 10:30; I call fertilizer on that. They’ll be open no later than 10am, and probably 9:30. (They opened a full thirty minutes early for the Redskins game.)
(And also, I have an email in to my “highly placed confidential source speaking on condition of anonymity, “Rufus”, to see what he thinks. He’s run the gate(s) we enter through for five years now, and has never once been wrong. Up to and including this disgrace.)
The menu is Pittsburgers, hot fries, assorted side dishes, and all the libations your liver will eventually refuse to handle. Feel free to join us. We’re not Red Roof Inn in that we’ll leave a light on for you … but we will save you a parking space or two.
The 2 Legit 2 Colquitt Picks:
Since nobody appears to give a sh*t, I’ll take a pass this week. If you actually want these, hit me up on email or in the comments before early Sunday morning, and I’ll try to get something up.
“Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update:
Northbound Broadway is still under construction from Linwood to 31st; the “disreputable” truck is still nowhere around.
And trust me -- I looked. I figured, given that I work next door to PennTower, two blocks from FOX 4, and across the street from Children’s Mercy Broadway -- to say nothing of the Kansas City Life building and the Uptown Theater within a four block walk of my domicile during the day -- that it would park somewhere close. It didn’t.
(Although in fairness to the people working on replacing the cables / power cords underneath North Broadway … they were working on South Broadway from 31st to Linwood when I interviewed at “current employer” for the first time. That was August 11th. They didn’t finish until September 29th. This could be an ugly two months.)
So, I dared venture further down Broadway (to the south; all that’s to the north is Penn Valley Park and the famous Scout Statue) this week, and lo and behold, there’s some pretty damned decent lil’ restaurants a few blocks away!
I mean, anyone can do Gates on Linwood, or the Wendy’s on Main, or the McDonalds on 39th. I’ll pass on those … if only because I’m guessing having a beer or three at Gates over lunch would be frowned on.
But man -- how awesome the area so close to Hyde Park they claim the area is, uuh, Hyde Park, uuh, is!
A few highlights / places you should check out:
* Monarch Coffee is really good. Nice lil’ place if you’re not looking for anything too filling. Now, it isn’t Second Best Coffee … but it’s really good.
* the Shio Ramen Shop is INSANELY overpriced on first glance … until you eat it. It’s worth the $20 expenditure … albeit probably not every day.
But my favorite spot discovered this week, isn’t a food shop -- it’s a fashion shop ... (tenacious d voice) for the ladies.
* Dear Society.
Their chalkboard on the sidewalk is beyond awesome.
This week’s sign until yesterday was “Clear Eyes. Full sleeves. Can’t lose … at these prices!” I damned near nutted on the spot. I mean, a “Friday Night Lights” reference on a random sidewalk a block from the Uptown Theater? Are you f*cking kidding me?
So, to those of you reading this who never make it into the city? This is why I so f*cking love working in it, and living in it. Y’all can have suburbia. Give me a neighborhood where something other than grey, blue, or tan is allowed as a house color. (For the record, mine is a faded yellow … in need of a paint job.) Give me a coffee shop that doesn’t serve Starbucks, and is insulted to serve you if you compare them to that third rate slave shop. Give me a neighborhood where you can walk into a bar, and the first thing your bartender says is “You’re late -- the ice started to melt!” on the drink (s)he has already poured for you, anticipating your arrival.
You can keep your Saints. I’ll keep my Walsh’s Corner Cocktails. You can have your Johnny’s. I’ll keep my Ollie’s. You can have your view of cul-de-sacs, five year old trees that are already struggling to grow, and your home owner associations. I’ll take working in a building older than my parents, owned by, uuh, owners, dedicated to living and dying with the urban core (and investing in it too), as they pay me nearly $10,000 / yr more to be there, when everything is taken into consideration, than “suburban employer in Overland Park” ever did.
(My way of saying: please hurry back, “Disreputable Mexican Food Truck”! I hate waxing philosophical like this! Because I suck at it!)
The Jets Best Guess:
For one Sunday, one magical, hopeful Sunday, I suspend my doubts. I suspend my disbelief. For one magical (hopefully at least) five minute span of my life, I dare to dream.
* at Jets (+9 ½) 24, Patriots 21 (OT).
Oh, and for those of you coming out to tailgate on the sacred grounds of the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign, Roger should have the flat screen mounted on the short bus next to us, to watch it. If he doesn’t? I’m bringing both the iPad and iPhone, in case I need to stream the game through the iPad via my DirecTV feed.
(fireman ed voice) J! E! T! S! Jets Jets Jets!
And now … for the main event.
The Chiefs Prognostication:
Allow me a brief flashback, peoples and peepettes, to (whitney houston voice) one moment in time from Monday, October 2nd.
(And those of you who know me best? It’s not the moment you would think, this would be, given my texts about the walk in and through security.)
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I arrived at The Bus Barn a little bit before noon, changed from actual classy attire (shirts and ties are mandatory at “current employer”, (beatles voice) eight days a week!), into classy Stevo GameDay attire (because nothing says “I’m getting my drink on today!” like a wife beater and old shorts), and after we got the coolers and the generator loaded onto The Bus, I grabbed a round of beers to enjoy as we waited for everyone else to arrive.
Chris was the next to arrive. She’s an amazing friend that I never would have met if I didn’t sit in Section 132 for a decent chunk of my life. She moved to Puerto Rico a few years ago for most of the year, and I was blessed enough to be able to spend a week down there with her earlier this summer.
She fled the island the day before Hurricane Maria hit. As of that Monday, she still had not heard from her loved ones and family, who weren’t able to get out. (Thankfully, she now has; all is good, save for, you know, no power, no drinkable water, no credible food, no internet or cellular connections -- you know, the basic necessities of life. But hey, POTUS is willing to “loan” them a couple billion dollars. How generous of a man who is wealthier than 99.26% of the island’s inhabitants combined. Anyways, back to the point of the story … assuming I had one.)
And as she began to describe what she knew, she made the following statement (or something damned close to it):
“I need to scream today! You know? I’m so angry at (Mr. Trump) that … this (game)? This is my therapy!”
And I thought “well sh*t, that sounds reasonable”. Because let’s face it, we all need a time or three in life to just explode. To vent. Whether it be in support of something amazing, or in opposition to something so hurtful and tragic and unimaginable that it rocks our foundation and our core of beliefs to its, uuh, core.
God knows I’ve done enough of both, in my life so far.
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Last Monday, that’s what we as a fanbase did. We vocalized our emotions. That stadium was loud last week, folks. And I do mean loud. Even Seth Keysor at Arrowhead Pride noted the noise -- and if you were there for that Steelers game in January, the idea that Arrowhead would be louder for a (if we’re being honest here) relatively meaningless Monday Night game to end the first quarter of the season, is a bit ridiculous to contemplate.
And yet, it was louder.
(And thankfully, the outcome was better.)
Sunday? We somehow, someway?
HAVE to top last Monday.
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Chiefs fans, I would argue Sunday is THE biggest regular season game (non-December or January edition) the Chiefs have ever hosted. Because with a win on Sunday, we can all but eliminate every freaking team -- save for those people -- from consideration for home field advantage throughout the postseason.
Consider:
The Patriots are already three behind us (Chiefs hold tiebreaker). The Bills, Jets, and Dolphins (all have two losses) all still face the Chiefs in the last six weeks -- does anyone believe, barring catastrophic injury issues, the Chiefs are losing any of those games? (Only the Jets contest is on the road … and yeah, given my inability to deliver a road victory I attend in person outside of a game staged at NRG Reliant, this one terrifies me folks.)
The Ravens have lost twice … and they’re going to lose at least two more. The Jaguars have lost twice … and come on, they’re not going 11-0 the rest of the way. The Texans (who will win the South) are four behind the Chiefs entering this week (Chiefs hold tiebreaker). The raiders are already three back, and the Chiefs can all but end their season next Thursday night with a win in the Black Hole * .
It’s really that simple, Chiefs fans. Win Sunday, and all the Chiefs have to do to simply MAKE the playoffs is go 4-6 the rest of the way. (And honestly, given who’s left on the schedule and the tiebreakers already held, 3-7 would probably do it, provided the three are all in the AFC.)
They still have the Chargers, Dolphins, and Bills at home, and still travel to the Jets and Giants. You think they’re losing ANY of those five? (Note: I do, actually -- that Buffalo game terrifies me, especially if the Chiefs are 10-0 entering it … a mark they’ve never held before. (The franchise best start is 9-0, in 2003 and 2013.))
But even if they lose one of those five, AND lost three of four to those people and the raiders, and at Dallas, they’re still 11-5, they still will hold so many tiebreakers they’re a lock for the five seed, and they still probably win the division.
Again -- do you think the raiders are going to sweep the Chiefs? Do you think those people are sweeping the Chiefs? Do you think the Chiefs can’t do what the Rams and Packers have done in the last two weeks, and beat a flawed Cowboys team with no credible home field advantage on the road?
Sunday is huge folks. It is absolutely hu-yuge.
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(*: 2003, a 6-0 Chiefs squad nobody expected much more than a playoff berth out of, visited an up-and-coming raiders squad fresh off their best season in fifteen years, at oakland on a Monday Night … at 2-4. The Chiefs not only held on to win 17-10 via the famous “tim brown tackled at the goalline” final pass … and the Chiefs not only effective ended the raiders season that night … but we TOTALLY ended dick gannon’s career. He never took another snap after the first half was over. I’d be fine with a repeat, only replace “derek carr” for “dick gannon”.)
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I truly hope each and every person reading this, manages to make their way into that stadium on Sunday. (Especially if you’re a Chiefs fan.) I think this is going to be something … (pause). Well sh*t, do I retire the phrase or not? (Thinking.) For what might be the last time, ladies and gentlemen, the single most influential American of the twentieth century, the legendary Mr. Hugh M. Hefner.
(mr. hugh m. hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something … REALLY special!
I cannot even begin to put into words how geeked I am for this game. I’ve been trying for three days. I’m done trying. If you cannot get fired up for this, then you just don’t love football. You’re getting two of the five odds-on favorites to win the Lombardi going at it, with one of them all but backed into a corner, and the other looking to (william zabka voice) “sweep the leg” and crush the life out of their opponent.
You’ve got Kansas City’s finest, the incredible Melissa Etheridge, FINALLY performing the National Anthem.
(If you follow her on Twitter, you know she might be -- ok, is -- the only person anticipating this game more than I am. She can’t contain her excitement. Every solid twenty, thirty minutes on Friday, she’d just re-up the ante, re-up the hype, re-tweet her beautiful, sweet, childish joy at FINALLY getting this honor.)
This Anthem is going to be legendary folks. Legen … wait for it … Dary. And not in an Eli Young Band kind of way.
Sh*t, I’m so fired up, I might even cheer the flyover. I will grant you, I will probably calculate how many people in Puerto Rico could have been fed, bathed, or sheltered instead of wasting the money on a stupid stunt … but for one day? I’ll let it slide. #unido
Because from the moment go on Sunday -- and I’m guessing that will be about 4:26am for me -- that stadium is going to be filled with an energy, a passion, an enthusiasm, the likes of which we haven’t seen in awhile.
It’s going to be enough?
To make even the heavens, want to be in attendance.
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Sunday? Well, let me quote the second verse of the theme for this week:
Sunday?
“I have stepped into your temple;
I have sat upon your pew.
And I have dreamed of the divinity?
Inside and out of you!
I want it more than truth --
I can taste it on my breath!
I would give my life just for a little,
A little death …”
I want this. Badly. For forty f*cking years, I have stepped into the First Church of Arrowhead. I have sat in many a pew -- be it in 109, 132, or my current primary spot in 339. I have certainly dreamed many a happy thought of awesome, incredible feats -- Tamarick Vanover in overtime Week Six 1995 topping all of them so far.
This is the best team this franchise has fielded since 1997, and I’d argue this is the only squad that, talent wise, can approach 1993 (the best in my lifetime … so far).
Sunday? Is our Wild Card Game. Because I truly believe the moment?
Is going to somehow, top the hype.
* at Chiefs 27, Steelers (+4) 24 (OT).
Hopefully I will see you Sunday. I truly mean this, I hope I get to high-five each person reading this, if not flat out hug you. I am so f*cking ready. I hope you are too.
But if you need some “liquid encouragement”? Feel free to stop by. It’s my week to buy the booze. In the words of the late Senator Edward M. Kennedy, “you can bet your ass” we’ll be overstocked ...
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