Damn it feels good to be where I consider home!
And as a result, this week's picks are rushed and not very well constructed ... but with good reason.
I'll be on the Riverwalk in San Antonio at the lovely (and for once, that's not a smart ass remark), the lovely Sheraton Hotel Gunter * until the literal ass crack of dawn on Sunday morning, when I catch a 5:07 flight home ** to make kickoff at Arrowhead.
I'll figure out updated STD records both SU and ATS next week *** .
(*: I keep calling it Gunther. I wonder why.)
(**: born in KC (St Luke's in Plaza / Westport), raised in the suburbs of KC **** , currently reside in KCMO Proper. But damn ... Texas is home.)
(***: that's what she said.)
(****: given the amount of trash ... was this taken on a weekend I was dogsitting? Asking for, a, uuh, a friend. I swear.)
Here are your Week Eight Non-Chiefs Picks:
* at Texans (-7 1/2) 41, Dolphins 13.
* Jaguars (+3 1/2) 27, Eagles 24 (Game in London).
* at Steelers 27, Browns (+7 1/2) 20.
* at Bears 20, Jets (+6 1/2) 17.
* Redskins (PK) 38, at Giants 6.
* at Lions (-3) 41, Seahawks 24.
* at Bengals (-3 1/2) 34, Bucs 16. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Panthers (+2 1/2) 27, Ravens 20.
* Colts (-3) 31, at raiders 14.
* at "Super" Cardinals (+1) 3, 49ers 0.
* Packers (+9 1/2) 41, at Rams 30. Upset O' The Week.
* at Vikings (PK) 27, Saints 17.
* Patriots 24, at Bills (+14) 14. "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.
And The Chiefs Prediction:
In case you doubt what this game means to me, I am leaving my adopted home state -- a place I get to, at most, once a year -- at 5:07 in the freaking morning, to ensure I do not miss kickoff. (My flight lands at KCI as currently scheduled at 8:13am ... which means I'm guessing I get to Arrowhead around 9:30.)
I live for this game, more than I live for time in Texas.
Those are words ... well sh*t, those are words even twenty year old me would be saying. It's just twenty year old me ... well sh*t, even twenty year old me would believe them. After all, twenty year old me lived in Texas, my sophomore year in college. But still. As much as I love me some Texas, I love beating the living bejezus out of those people, more.
This year, I have a special shirt I've been sitting on for almost five months, to wear to this game. I wore it today on the flight down to San Antonio, and to dinner and happy hour down here on the Riverwalk. I have already received five -- five! -- "that's f*cking awesome!" compliments on it.
I'm guessing that gets multiplied by five hundred on Sunday.
Trust me -- you'll love it. It's honestly the most perfect t-shirt I've ever owned ... save for possibly the "Big ... Bigger ... Webber!" t-shirt from Chris Webber's rookie season with the Warriors.
The Tailgating Menu is bronco burgers and assorted sides. I'm leaving everything in "The Kids Krew"'s hands, plus my good buddy Andrew is coming in from South Dakota for this one, to (in his words) "experience the hate in person".
Oh buddy. Me, going on no sleep, coming off an all night party / reception for my cousin's wedding, equals ... well, frankly, I'm frightened to see what it equals.
But not quite as frightening, as what is going to unfold.
This is those people's season folks. If they can somehow steal this one, they're right back into the playoff race (and like the Chiefs, their schedule is backloaded easy, for the most part. Their toughest days are behind them.)
They're gonna throw everything, plus the kitchen sink, at the Chiefs on Sunday. And they're gonna almost pull this one off.
Just like the last time we faced them, (mike gundy voice) four! weeks ago.
* at Chiefs 31, those people (+10) 28 (OT).
I will see you Sunday. I hope. I think.
(stevo checking apartment prices in downtown San Antonio ...)
I WILL see you Sunday.
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Thursday, October 18, 2018
week seven: primetime at terrorhead ...
"I know it's late.
I know you're weary.
I know your plans?
Don't include me.
Still here we are.
Both of us lonely.
Longing for shelter?
From all that we see.
Why should we worry?
No one will care, girl!
Look at the stars?
So far away!
We've got tonight.
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe --
Why don't you stay?
Deep in my soul?
I've been so lonely.
All of my hopes?
Fading away.
I've longed for love,
Like everyone else does.
I know I'll keep searching,
Even after today.
So there it is girl --
I've seen it all now!
And here we are babe --
What do you say?
We've got tonight.
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe --
Why don't you stay? ..."
-- "We've Got Tonight" by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 10-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 57-34-2.
Last Week ATS: 7-7-1.
Season to Date ATS: 47-40-6.
Last Week Upset / Week: it covered.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-4-0 SU; 3-2-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Bears (+3) over Patriots.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non-those people, Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Titans (+6 1/2) 31, vs "Super" Chargers 27 (Game in London).
* at Bears (+3) 27, Patriots 13.
* Browns (+3) 28, at Bucs 24. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* Lions (NL) 34, at Dolphins 24.
* at Eagles (-5) 45, Panthers 13.
* at Colts 20, Bills (+7 1/2) 14. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors.
* Texans (+5 1/2) 30, at Jaguars 27 (OT).
* Saints (+2 1/2) 28, at Ravens 13.
* at Redskins (-1 1/2) 38, Cowboys 31.
* Rams 27, at 49ers (+9 1/2) 21.
* at "Shane" Falcons (-5 1/2) 52, Giants 0. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
Wow. Where to begin ... other than noting, this is an exercise in futility. As "The Voice of Reason" would note: "you cannot reason with people, that don't have any reason".
(Which begs the obvious: how the f*ck do he and I, uuh, reason with each other? We all know I ain't all here.)
Anyways ...
Starting at the bottom (meaning the bottom tweet is 1, then the next to bottom is 2, and so on ...):
1. He's right. This is the rarest of sporting events, that not only meets -- and exceeds -- the hype, but knocks said hype to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
2. He's somewhat right. Yes, the Chiefs SHOULD have let the Patriots score a touchdown on that final drive. But what Ol' Kev, The Klassy One, Ol' "K"KK is conveniently ignoring?
Is that the Patriots are coached well enough, to know NOT to score in that situation. If we give them the obvious score? They'll stop at the one, fall down, bleed the clock, and end the game exactly as it, uuh, ended: via a field goal for the margin of victory.
3. See 2.
4. We're coming back to this later on.
5. OK, enough is enough, Ol' Klassy.
The Eagles scored the game winning touchdown with 2:25 to play in the Super Bowl (the toss to Zach Ertz). After going (and failing) for two, the Eagles led 38-33. With 2:25 to play. And a timeout still in hand, plus the two minute warning.
The Eagles essentially put the Patriots in the same godd*mned place the Chiefs did on Sunday night! I will grant you it is slightly different; the Eagles had a lead whereas the Chiefs were tied. But the situation is the same: a Patriots team, needing to score, inside of three minutes, is given the ball back after the opposition scores.
But in reality? There is no difference! Yet because the Eagles held (in fact, they held twice -- forcing a fumble and tacking on a field goal, then stopping the Patriots as time expired to win by eight), and the Chiefs didn't, that somehow makes the same f*cking strategory wrong for the Chiefs and right for the Eagles? This is insanity! It's the same damned plan, "K"KK! If you're going to question the strategory, fine, go for it, "Konfident" Kev.
(For the record, I'd have done what the Chiefs did, for one reason: you're not guaranteed to score. If it was 40-40 when Tyreek breaks it, maybe go down at the one and know you're getting three and the lead no matter what ... but trailing 33-40, you HAVE to take the points. Period.)
6. I do have to concede this: if anyone in our fine metropolitan area knows about "going for two", it's all around family man "Kon Artist" Keitz. #youmaypullyourpantsupnow
Again -- we're coming back to 4, before the weekend is over, via a "Tale O' The Tape". Stay tuned.
The Watching Party Plans.
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be attending in person.
The Tailgating Plans.
The Bus is planning to depart right at noon on Sunday. I know the STM Email says gates open at 2:30, but come on. It's going to be 65 and sunny on Sunday. Those bad boys are opening by 1:30 at the latest.
(Also, as I learned from my "highly placed source speaking on condition of anonymity", the man named "Rufus", a few weeks ago: once you see the gate attendants arrive, it will be 30 minutes or less before the gates open. I predict we see gate people no later than 1:15pm Sunday.)
The menu is a taco / nacho bar, with some beans, rice, and probably corn as the sides. (Feel free to contribute if you're joining us.)
--------------------
Friday 10/19 5:51am: we have an update! The menu has changed! Instead we are doing Bengal Brats via request from a few tailgating friends, plus assorted side dishes and desserts. Which means (in addition to jello shots), I might as well haul out the jalapeno poppers for Sunday. So much for the dream of not standing over a grill for a couple hours justonce twice this season. Hopefully this time there's at least one left for me:
(I made 146 of these things for the 49ers game. They were gone before they even reached the food table. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Also, rumor has it that the second best maker of jello shots ever is coming out of retirement for this one. Again, it's just a rumor. (A rumor extremely dependent upon Amazon's delivery of the serving cups arriving at the Casa de Stevo by tomorrow night as scheduled.)
If you're planning to tailgate with us, spectacular! Anyone and everyone is welcome! However, due to the newbies tailgating straight west of us, we ask that you park in the actual Lot G parking across from our tailgating spot (or wherever you'd prefer), to keep as much space opened up as possible for the fun things in life. Like beer pong. Definitely beer pong.
See ya Sunday.
The Flashback.
Earlier this week, Arrowhead Pride asked its' followers on Twitter to, uuh, tweet, their favorite prime time game at Arrowhead * .
And there are some incredible, awe inspiring choices to, uuh, choose from. But in my opinion, there is only one choice that should win, and that is every bleeping second of Monday, October 7, 1991. If you're under the age of 35, you probably wouldn't understand why. If you're over the age of 35, you're nodding in agreement with my selection.
Because if you're over the age of 35, you understand just how improbable, just how unimaginable, hosting a Monday Night Football game was.
Because if you're under the age of 35, you cannot possibly comprehend, just how very much imaginable, Monday, October 7, 1991 never happening, was.
Which is why this week's The Flashback is a flashback to thirty years ago, to one of those "what are the f*cking odds" upsets some also-ran always seems to spring in the last four, five, six weeks, over a credible title contender.
On November 13, 1988 (Week Eleven of the 1988 season), the Chiefs sprung one of those upset, over the soon-to-be AFC Champion Cincinnati Bengals, 31-28 at Arrowhead. The Chiefs entered the game 1-8-1 ** . They were going nowhere fast. They had one playoff berth to show for their last eighteen years, and they promptly lost that game by three touchdowns to a team coming in on a five game losing streak.
That bastion of accuracy known as Wikipedia reports that nearly 34,000 fans were in the stands that day. I can tell you, that as usual, Wikipedia is shown to be a purveyor of "fake news". I know this, because I was in the stands that day, and there is a better chance of me going to bed sober tonight, than there is of 34,000 fans being inside of Arrowhead that day.
Thankfully, no matter what the attendance that day was, one person definitely was in attendance. A man by the name of Carl Peterson. I have no idea what the hell he saw in this franchise on that day. (Maybe Carl was as hammered as most fans in the stands were.) But whatever it is he saw, triggered in him the desire to accept the responsibility of once again attempting to rebuild the most poorly run franchise in the sport.
It is not an exaggeration, an understatement, or a bullsh*t proclamation, to note that had the Chiefs not shown something that day against the Bengals, to convince Mr. Peterson to come to Kansas City, that the Chiefs would not be playing here on Sunday night.
Oh, they might be playing, but it wouldn't be at Arrowhead.
That one upset thirty years ago, that led three years later to the greatest party Arrowhead has ever thrown (at least until January), is why we're showing up on Sunday, thirty years later, to face the Bengals.
Because trust me kids: whatever you may think of Carl Peterson?
He's damned near the sole and only reason, you're watching Chiefs football on Sunday night, whether on your television or (hopefully) with me inside of Arrowhead.
Him, and Marty.
Never forget that.
(*: I hate that they limited it to home prime time games. Because two of my three favorites (Chiefs at Ravens 2004, Chiefs at those people 1994), and three of my top seven (Chiefs at those people 2016), and four of my top ten (Chiefs at raiders 1997), are roadies. So, to stay true to the rules of this exercise in Twitter nonsense ... in reverse order, here are my ten favorite home prime time games of my life then. 10: Steelers at Chiefs 1997 (Marcus Allen throws the winning TD); 9: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 2010 (Tuesday Morning Football); 8: Oilers at Chiefs 1995 (for you, the third Amen Corner finish of 1995, for me, the Beatles game); 7: Vikings at Chiefs 1999 (DT's last epic game, against (go figure) Jeff George); 6: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 1995 (Vanover's OT punt return); 5: those people at Chiefs 2016 (Dontari Poe's TD Pass); 4: Seahawks at Chiefs 2000 (Where Stevo and Friends Meet Ed "Sweet Jesus" Hochuli ... to say nothing of one of the funniest MNF broadcast moments ever ("It Wasn't Me!")); 3: Steelers at Chiefs 2016 Divisional Round (I know it's a loss, but come on -- playoff football in prime time!); 2: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 2011 (The Phumble); 1: Bills at Chiefs 1991 (for you Civil War buffs like me, this was the Glendale of my Chiefs fandom -- aka "the one moment an impossible dream, actually seemed possible).)
(**: the similarities between the 1988 Chiefs and 2008 Chiefs are frightening, to be honest.)
Stevo's Drink O' The Week.
I had a birthday brunch for my sister in law on Sunday, and any brunch / lunch / dinner / what the hell, we're all here get together in my family means there will be adult beverages involved.
And go figure, the person who it always falls to, to pick up said adult beverages?
Is me.
(In my defense ... I can't cook, so it makes sense.)
This week's libation -- which I am enjoying another bottle of right now -- is Yellow Tail Moscato. I'm not much of a white wine person usually (unless it's Pinot Grigio), but the Yellow Tail Moscato is not half bad. Especially when chilled to pushing forty degrees.
Give it a try!
(Note: currently on sale at Harry's (the Missouri side Price Chopper liquor department) for $8.99 for the 1.75ml bottle. That's a f*cking steal, boys and girls. A f*cking steal.)
The those people Commentary and Choice.
I loved von miller's quote this week, regarding tonight's old-school 007 slapper fight in the desert, between those people and the Arizona "Super" Cardinals.
"We're going to kick their ass!"
Aw, von. That's so adorable.
Because no son. No, you're not. They're going to whip yours all the way back to your green-friendly city.
* at "Super" Cardinals (+1) 43, those people 13.
The Jets Prediction.
* at Jets (+3) 34, Vikings 20.
"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.
(stevo exhaling deeply ...)
So, I moved to South Waldo *** almost three years ago now. (Damn, time flies sometimes.) My first fall / winter here wasn't too bad. Last year, we had five -- five! -- freaking water main breaks in the span of about two months, and thanks to the weird ass winter we had, all KCMO Public Works' finest could do was plug the leak, dump a ton of rock into the hole, and wait for spring to repave. Fine, so be it. Sh*t happens.
But then came Monday.
When this greeted me, as I headed out of the Price Chopper strip mall for the couple block walk home:
(84th Street, headed west towards (old school collection dude voice) the Kansas side. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
I mean, are you kidding me? Smoke thicker than it will be at Terrorhead on Sunday from all the dust one freaking car is kicking up? An entire side of 84th (the side with homes on it to boot!) completely unusable due to digging the trench?
And as if that isn't fantastic enough? The hidden jewel of South Waldo is Sunnyside Park. It is an amazing park. It almost justifies the ridiculously high rent prices down here. (Emphasis on "almost".) Every night, when I go jogging on the trail, you run into flag football teams practicing, baseball and softball teams practicing, 3 on 3 pickup games on the court, a few folks testing out the tennis courts. In the summer, there's a water play area for the kids. It's also very dog friendly.
This is what it looks like tonight:
(If you look really, really hard, near the back center of the picture, you can see a baseball team practicing, on the only one of three fields currently open for play. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
Something tells me, Year Tres down here, ain't gonna be as "water and sewer friendly", as Years Uno and Dos were. And Year Dos wasn't exactly something to brag about.
(***: I get that it is officially called West Waldo. Except it's not. It's South Waldo.)
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
--------------------
Picking The Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 5-1-0.
Against the Spread: 6-0-0.
Upset / Week (When Applicable): 1-1-0 SU; 2-0-0 ATS.
--------------------
I wish I had something jazzy, snazzy, classy, to throw out there for you.
Except I don't.
I've had a long week at work with quarter end, and I don't really get a comedown from that ending on Tuesday; I leave for San Antonio a week from today for a wedding that I am catching a 5:07am flight home on next Sunday to return from, in order to make at least half of tailgating and the entire game against those people.
And in fact, I'm actually contemplating doing something for this post next week, that I haven't done in nine years: recording it live, and broadcasting it to the masses. (If I could figure out this Periscope thing, I might consider that next Wednesday night or Thursday morning; I don't depart for KCI until noonish next Thursday.)
I honestly don't know what to think about Sunday night. For starters, this game terrifies me. This game is the one I've feared will be the Chiefs annual "sh*t the bed at home" contest we stage at least once a year. (Buffalo last year, Tampa 2016, Chicago 2015, Tennessee 2014, Pick Any One 2012, Miami 2011, oakland 2010 ... you get the point.)
The Chiefs should win this one something like 37-20. Only we all know they won't. Either this will be far, far closer than it should be ... or one side gets out 24-0, 27-3, and never looks back.
I guess I'll just make four notes, then make the pick.
1. If you're coming Sunday? Be loud. Let Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" know beyond the shadow of even the slightest of doubt, why prime time at Arrowhead, turns that place into Terrorhead.
2. This is the spot last season, that I believe derailed the season for good (even if we didn't know it yet). 5-0, facing a Super Bowl threat that we fought to a draw for 59 plus minutes, only to lose ... and then lose in prime time, on a short week, to a viable playoff threat with nothing to lose. I do NOT want a repeat of last season. (Especially if it means giving the Bengals what, 55 f*cking tries from the goalline with the clock expired?)
3. Don't hold it against me, if the Bengals introduce the offense, if I politely applaud Andy Dalton. Us Horny Frogs gotta stick together.
Finally ...
4. This weekend holds a lot of sentimental value to me, over a couple of events (kenny rogers) through the years. It's part of why I picked the theme I did -- yeah, it's sappy and sentimental to the point of being f*cking ridiculous ... but isn't that what I am 92.47% of the time? (Also, it referenced night time sh*t, and I can only go to "In The Air Tonight" so many times before that well runs dry, as a theme for prime time.)
None of the events that make this weekend matter to me are necessarily positive, so all I ask is that if I seem a bit out of it, or down, or less than my usual jovial self, just roll with it.
Because at least we've got tonight.
It's more than the reasons I mourn this weekend, can say. And godd*mmit, that hurts like a mo fo.
* at Chiefs (-6 1/2) 45, Bengals 20.
See ya when the gates open Sunday!
Oh, and coming (probably) tomorrow: the "Tale O' The Tape" -- what is "Fat" Andy's Worst Playoff Defeat, as Chiefs head coach?
Hey? If "Konfident" Kev posts the question, the least I can do, is try to answer it ...
I know you're weary.
I know your plans?
Don't include me.
Still here we are.
Both of us lonely.
Longing for shelter?
From all that we see.
Why should we worry?
No one will care, girl!
Look at the stars?
So far away!
We've got tonight.
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe --
Why don't you stay?
Deep in my soul?
I've been so lonely.
All of my hopes?
Fading away.
I've longed for love,
Like everyone else does.
I know I'll keep searching,
Even after today.
So there it is girl --
I've seen it all now!
And here we are babe --
What do you say?
We've got tonight.
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe --
Why don't you stay? ..."
-- "We've Got Tonight" by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 10-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 57-34-2.
Last Week ATS: 7-7-1.
Season to Date ATS: 47-40-6.
Last Week Upset / Week: it covered.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-4-0 SU; 3-2-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Bears (+3) over Patriots.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non-those people, Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Titans (+6 1/2) 31, vs "Super" Chargers 27 (Game in London).
* at Bears (+3) 27, Patriots 13.
* Browns (+3) 28, at Bucs 24. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* Lions (NL) 34, at Dolphins 24.
* at Eagles (-5) 45, Panthers 13.
* at Colts 20, Bills (+7 1/2) 14. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors.
* Texans (+5 1/2) 30, at Jaguars 27 (OT).
* Saints (+2 1/2) 28, at Ravens 13.
* at Redskins (-1 1/2) 38, Cowboys 31.
* Rams 27, at 49ers (+9 1/2) 21.
* at "Shane" Falcons (-5 1/2) 52, Giants 0. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
Wow. Where to begin ... other than noting, this is an exercise in futility. As "The Voice of Reason" would note: "you cannot reason with people, that don't have any reason".
(Which begs the obvious: how the f*ck do he and I, uuh, reason with each other? We all know I ain't all here.)
Anyways ...
Starting at the bottom (meaning the bottom tweet is 1, then the next to bottom is 2, and so on ...):
1. He's right. This is the rarest of sporting events, that not only meets -- and exceeds -- the hype, but knocks said hype to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
2. He's somewhat right. Yes, the Chiefs SHOULD have let the Patriots score a touchdown on that final drive. But what Ol' Kev, The Klassy One, Ol' "K"KK is conveniently ignoring?
Is that the Patriots are coached well enough, to know NOT to score in that situation. If we give them the obvious score? They'll stop at the one, fall down, bleed the clock, and end the game exactly as it, uuh, ended: via a field goal for the margin of victory.
3. See 2.
4. We're coming back to this later on.
5. OK, enough is enough, Ol' Klassy.
The Eagles scored the game winning touchdown with 2:25 to play in the Super Bowl (the toss to Zach Ertz). After going (and failing) for two, the Eagles led 38-33. With 2:25 to play. And a timeout still in hand, plus the two minute warning.
The Eagles essentially put the Patriots in the same godd*mned place the Chiefs did on Sunday night! I will grant you it is slightly different; the Eagles had a lead whereas the Chiefs were tied. But the situation is the same: a Patriots team, needing to score, inside of three minutes, is given the ball back after the opposition scores.
But in reality? There is no difference! Yet because the Eagles held (in fact, they held twice -- forcing a fumble and tacking on a field goal, then stopping the Patriots as time expired to win by eight), and the Chiefs didn't, that somehow makes the same f*cking strategory wrong for the Chiefs and right for the Eagles? This is insanity! It's the same damned plan, "K"KK! If you're going to question the strategory, fine, go for it, "Konfident" Kev.
(For the record, I'd have done what the Chiefs did, for one reason: you're not guaranteed to score. If it was 40-40 when Tyreek breaks it, maybe go down at the one and know you're getting three and the lead no matter what ... but trailing 33-40, you HAVE to take the points. Period.)
6. I do have to concede this: if anyone in our fine metropolitan area knows about "going for two", it's all around family man "Kon Artist" Keitz. #youmaypullyourpantsupnow
Again -- we're coming back to 4, before the weekend is over, via a "Tale O' The Tape". Stay tuned.
The Watching Party Plans.
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be attending in person.
The Tailgating Plans.
The Bus is planning to depart right at noon on Sunday. I know the STM Email says gates open at 2:30, but come on. It's going to be 65 and sunny on Sunday. Those bad boys are opening by 1:30 at the latest.
(Also, as I learned from my "highly placed source speaking on condition of anonymity", the man named "Rufus", a few weeks ago: once you see the gate attendants arrive, it will be 30 minutes or less before the gates open. I predict we see gate people no later than 1:15pm Sunday.)
--------------------
Friday 10/19 5:51am: we have an update! The menu has changed! Instead we are doing Bengal Brats via request from a few tailgating friends, plus assorted side dishes and desserts. Which means (in addition to jello shots), I might as well haul out the jalapeno poppers for Sunday. So much for the dream of not standing over a grill for a couple hours just
(I made 146 of these things for the 49ers game. They were gone before they even reached the food table. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Also, rumor has it that the second best maker of jello shots ever is coming out of retirement for this one. Again, it's just a rumor. (A rumor extremely dependent upon Amazon's delivery of the serving cups arriving at the Casa de Stevo by tomorrow night as scheduled.)
If you're planning to tailgate with us, spectacular! Anyone and everyone is welcome! However, due to the newbies tailgating straight west of us, we ask that you park in the actual Lot G parking across from our tailgating spot (or wherever you'd prefer), to keep as much space opened up as possible for the fun things in life. Like beer pong. Definitely beer pong.
See ya Sunday.
The Flashback.
Earlier this week, Arrowhead Pride asked its' followers on Twitter to, uuh, tweet, their favorite prime time game at Arrowhead * .
And there are some incredible, awe inspiring choices to, uuh, choose from. But in my opinion, there is only one choice that should win, and that is every bleeping second of Monday, October 7, 1991. If you're under the age of 35, you probably wouldn't understand why. If you're over the age of 35, you're nodding in agreement with my selection.
Because if you're over the age of 35, you understand just how improbable, just how unimaginable, hosting a Monday Night Football game was.
Because if you're under the age of 35, you cannot possibly comprehend, just how very much imaginable, Monday, October 7, 1991 never happening, was.
Which is why this week's The Flashback is a flashback to thirty years ago, to one of those "what are the f*cking odds" upsets some also-ran always seems to spring in the last four, five, six weeks, over a credible title contender.
On November 13, 1988 (Week Eleven of the 1988 season), the Chiefs sprung one of those upset, over the soon-to-be AFC Champion Cincinnati Bengals, 31-28 at Arrowhead. The Chiefs entered the game 1-8-1 ** . They were going nowhere fast. They had one playoff berth to show for their last eighteen years, and they promptly lost that game by three touchdowns to a team coming in on a five game losing streak.
That bastion of accuracy known as Wikipedia reports that nearly 34,000 fans were in the stands that day. I can tell you, that as usual, Wikipedia is shown to be a purveyor of "fake news". I know this, because I was in the stands that day, and there is a better chance of me going to bed sober tonight, than there is of 34,000 fans being inside of Arrowhead that day.
Thankfully, no matter what the attendance that day was, one person definitely was in attendance. A man by the name of Carl Peterson. I have no idea what the hell he saw in this franchise on that day. (Maybe Carl was as hammered as most fans in the stands were.) But whatever it is he saw, triggered in him the desire to accept the responsibility of once again attempting to rebuild the most poorly run franchise in the sport.
It is not an exaggeration, an understatement, or a bullsh*t proclamation, to note that had the Chiefs not shown something that day against the Bengals, to convince Mr. Peterson to come to Kansas City, that the Chiefs would not be playing here on Sunday night.
Oh, they might be playing, but it wouldn't be at Arrowhead.
That one upset thirty years ago, that led three years later to the greatest party Arrowhead has ever thrown (at least until January), is why we're showing up on Sunday, thirty years later, to face the Bengals.
Because trust me kids: whatever you may think of Carl Peterson?
He's damned near the sole and only reason, you're watching Chiefs football on Sunday night, whether on your television or (hopefully) with me inside of Arrowhead.
Him, and Marty.
Never forget that.
(*: I hate that they limited it to home prime time games. Because two of my three favorites (Chiefs at Ravens 2004, Chiefs at those people 1994), and three of my top seven (Chiefs at those people 2016), and four of my top ten (Chiefs at raiders 1997), are roadies. So, to stay true to the rules of this exercise in Twitter nonsense ... in reverse order, here are my ten favorite home prime time games of my life then. 10: Steelers at Chiefs 1997 (Marcus Allen throws the winning TD); 9: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 2010 (Tuesday Morning Football); 8: Oilers at Chiefs 1995 (for you, the third Amen Corner finish of 1995, for me, the Beatles game); 7: Vikings at Chiefs 1999 (DT's last epic game, against (go figure) Jeff George); 6: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 1995 (Vanover's OT punt return); 5: those people at Chiefs 2016 (Dontari Poe's TD Pass); 4: Seahawks at Chiefs 2000 (Where Stevo and Friends Meet Ed "Sweet Jesus" Hochuli ... to say nothing of one of the funniest MNF broadcast moments ever ("It Wasn't Me!")); 3: Steelers at Chiefs 2016 Divisional Round (I know it's a loss, but come on -- playoff football in prime time!); 2: "Super" Chargers at Chiefs 2011 (The Phumble); 1: Bills at Chiefs 1991 (for you Civil War buffs like me, this was the Glendale of my Chiefs fandom -- aka "the one moment an impossible dream, actually seemed possible).)
(**: the similarities between the 1988 Chiefs and 2008 Chiefs are frightening, to be honest.)
Stevo's Drink O' The Week.
I had a birthday brunch for my sister in law on Sunday, and any brunch / lunch / dinner / what the hell, we're all here get together in my family means there will be adult beverages involved.
And go figure, the person who it always falls to, to pick up said adult beverages?
Is me.
(In my defense ... I can't cook, so it makes sense.)
This week's libation -- which I am enjoying another bottle of right now -- is Yellow Tail Moscato. I'm not much of a white wine person usually (unless it's Pinot Grigio), but the Yellow Tail Moscato is not half bad. Especially when chilled to pushing forty degrees.
Give it a try!
(Note: currently on sale at Harry's (the Missouri side Price Chopper liquor department) for $8.99 for the 1.75ml bottle. That's a f*cking steal, boys and girls. A f*cking steal.)
The those people Commentary and Choice.
I loved von miller's quote this week, regarding tonight's old-school 007 slapper fight in the desert, between those people and the Arizona "Super" Cardinals.
"We're going to kick their ass!"
Aw, von. That's so adorable.
Because no son. No, you're not. They're going to whip yours all the way back to your green-friendly city.
* at "Super" Cardinals (+1) 43, those people 13.
The Jets Prediction.
* at Jets (+3) 34, Vikings 20.
"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.
(stevo exhaling deeply ...)
So, I moved to South Waldo *** almost three years ago now. (Damn, time flies sometimes.) My first fall / winter here wasn't too bad. Last year, we had five -- five! -- freaking water main breaks in the span of about two months, and thanks to the weird ass winter we had, all KCMO Public Works' finest could do was plug the leak, dump a ton of rock into the hole, and wait for spring to repave. Fine, so be it. Sh*t happens.
But then came Monday.
When this greeted me, as I headed out of the Price Chopper strip mall for the couple block walk home:
(84th Street, headed west towards (old school collection dude voice) the Kansas side. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
I mean, are you kidding me? Smoke thicker than it will be at Terrorhead on Sunday from all the dust one freaking car is kicking up? An entire side of 84th (the side with homes on it to boot!) completely unusable due to digging the trench?
And as if that isn't fantastic enough? The hidden jewel of South Waldo is Sunnyside Park. It is an amazing park. It almost justifies the ridiculously high rent prices down here. (Emphasis on "almost".) Every night, when I go jogging on the trail, you run into flag football teams practicing, baseball and softball teams practicing, 3 on 3 pickup games on the court, a few folks testing out the tennis courts. In the summer, there's a water play area for the kids. It's also very dog friendly.
This is what it looks like tonight:
(If you look really, really hard, near the back center of the picture, you can see a baseball team practicing, on the only one of three fields currently open for play. Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
Something tells me, Year Tres down here, ain't gonna be as "water and sewer friendly", as Years Uno and Dos were. And Year Dos wasn't exactly something to brag about.
(***: I get that it is officially called West Waldo. Except it's not. It's South Waldo.)
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
--------------------
Picking The Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 5-1-0.
Against the Spread: 6-0-0.
Upset / Week (When Applicable): 1-1-0 SU; 2-0-0 ATS.
--------------------
I wish I had something jazzy, snazzy, classy, to throw out there for you.
Except I don't.
I've had a long week at work with quarter end, and I don't really get a comedown from that ending on Tuesday; I leave for San Antonio a week from today for a wedding that I am catching a 5:07am flight home on next Sunday to return from, in order to make at least half of tailgating and the entire game against those people.
And in fact, I'm actually contemplating doing something for this post next week, that I haven't done in nine years: recording it live, and broadcasting it to the masses. (If I could figure out this Periscope thing, I might consider that next Wednesday night or Thursday morning; I don't depart for KCI until noonish next Thursday.)
I honestly don't know what to think about Sunday night. For starters, this game terrifies me. This game is the one I've feared will be the Chiefs annual "sh*t the bed at home" contest we stage at least once a year. (Buffalo last year, Tampa 2016, Chicago 2015, Tennessee 2014, Pick Any One 2012, Miami 2011, oakland 2010 ... you get the point.)
The Chiefs should win this one something like 37-20. Only we all know they won't. Either this will be far, far closer than it should be ... or one side gets out 24-0, 27-3, and never looks back.
I guess I'll just make four notes, then make the pick.
1. If you're coming Sunday? Be loud. Let Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" know beyond the shadow of even the slightest of doubt, why prime time at Arrowhead, turns that place into Terrorhead.
2. This is the spot last season, that I believe derailed the season for good (even if we didn't know it yet). 5-0, facing a Super Bowl threat that we fought to a draw for 59 plus minutes, only to lose ... and then lose in prime time, on a short week, to a viable playoff threat with nothing to lose. I do NOT want a repeat of last season. (Especially if it means giving the Bengals what, 55 f*cking tries from the goalline with the clock expired?)
3. Don't hold it against me, if the Bengals introduce the offense, if I politely applaud Andy Dalton. Us Horny Frogs gotta stick together.
Finally ...
4. This weekend holds a lot of sentimental value to me, over a couple of events (kenny rogers) through the years. It's part of why I picked the theme I did -- yeah, it's sappy and sentimental to the point of being f*cking ridiculous ... but isn't that what I am 92.47% of the time? (Also, it referenced night time sh*t, and I can only go to "In The Air Tonight" so many times before that well runs dry, as a theme for prime time.)
None of the events that make this weekend matter to me are necessarily positive, so all I ask is that if I seem a bit out of it, or down, or less than my usual jovial self, just roll with it.
Because at least we've got tonight.
It's more than the reasons I mourn this weekend, can say. And godd*mmit, that hurts like a mo fo.
* at Chiefs (-6 1/2) 45, Bengals 20.
See ya when the gates open Sunday!
Oh, and coming (probably) tomorrow: the "Tale O' The Tape" -- what is "Fat" Andy's Worst Playoff Defeat, as Chiefs head coach?
Hey? If "Konfident" Kev posts the question, the least I can do, is try to answer it ...
Thursday, October 11, 2018
week six: is the wait (almost) over ...
"Way behind the water hole,
A little down the line?
The jungle and the plains and peaks?
Are scheduled to be mine!
I'm gonna be the ruler?
Of most everything around!
From the grandest of the mountains,
To the humble common ground!
My reign will be?
A super awesome thing!
Oh I just can't wait
To be king!
I'm gonna be a noble king;
Unscrupulously fair.
I only need a little time --
Perhaps a little hair.
I'm gonna be the mane event,
That no king was before!
I'm brushing up on looking down --
I'm working on my roar!
The fauna and the flora
Gonna swing,
'Cause I just can't wait
To be king! ..."
-- "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" by Sir Elton John.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 9-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 47-29-2.
Last Week ATS: 6-8-1.
Season to Date ATS: 40-33-5.
Last Week Upset / Week: holy hell, Batman.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-3-0 SU; 2-2-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: keep reading.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non those people, Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Eagles (-3) 31, at Giants 13.
* at "Shane" Falcons (-3 1/2) 38, Bucs 24. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Redskins (-1) 24, Panthers 13.
* Seahawks (-3) 30, raiders 20 (Game in London). "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Vikings (-10) 34, "Super" Cardinals 6.
* at Bengals (-2 1/2) 31, Steelers 14.
* at Browns (+1) 17, "Super" Chargers 14 (OT).
* at Texans (-10) 45, Bills 14. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* Bears (-3) 24, at Dolphins 20.
* at Titans (+2 1/2) 23, Ravens 20.
* at Cowboys (+3) 24, Jaguars 20.
* at Packers (-9 1/2) 31, 49ers 10. "The Resident Is Better Than This Sh*t" honors.
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
I'm giving Ol' Klassy a pass this week, mainly because the most inexcusable thing he's tweeted all week is confusing Milwaukee's former baseball team, with its' current one, as to which one made the NLCS. Let's hope "K"KK gives us some material to use next week.
The Tailgating Plans.
There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a game I will be in attendance for.
The Watching Party Plans.
There'll be a watching party at my Second Parents. I'm just not sure if it will be indoors, outdoors, or both. (The forecast here in Kansas City is, uuh, a bit wacko right now.) The menu (as always for the Patriots) will be Brady Brats and Patty Melts, plus assorted sides and libations.
Stevo's Drink O' The Week.
If you headed out to Arrowhead last Sunday, then you know that it was (a) somewhat cold, (b) somewhat wet, and (c) somewhat miserable for tailgating. Which made the drink of choice easy.
The Benchwarmer.
The Chiefs used to sell these inside Arrowhead in the early 2000s (note: they probably still do; I just haven't sought one out in years). A benchwarmer is some nice frothy hot chocolate mixed with a healthy dosage of peppermint schnapps. It is phenomenal, especially boiled on a grill during tailgating.
Give it a try; just like with most things I highly recommend in life?
Either it's totally worth it ... or just assume I'm so high, I'd try anything.
The Flashback.
C'mon gang. Peoples and Peepettes. There's only one game to choose for this week's The Flashback.
And that was the beauty the Chiefs and Patriots staged at Arrowhead in Week 15, 1992.
As with most things in life that are more than twenty five years passed, I'd worried I'd (bill clinton voice) misremembered the details of the day. Unfortunately, I haven't. Pro Football Focus confirms the day was as f*cking miserable as I recall: 40ish, brutal wind, dumping down rain.
This is the game best remembered as the one where Bill Maas infamously said the following, regarding the Chiefs chances to win:
"If we put our helmets on, we win".
Not quite, Sir William. Because the Chiefs did their damndest that day to give the game to the Patriots. The Pats jumped out early 7-0 on a defensive touchdown caused by the (virtually) unplayable conditions. The Pats led 13-3 early in the 2nd quarter, 13-6 at halftime ... before the Red and Gold (no doubt motivated by one hell of a halftime speech by someone) poured it on, scoring three touchdowns on three possessions to assume control of the game, and hold on to win 27-20.
The Chiefs needed the win to keep pace with your San Diego "Super" Chargers, who had won nine out of ten to tie the Chiefs in the division standings with two games to play. Sadly, the Chiefs would choke away the division the following Saturday in New York, losing to a god-awful Giants team in blowout fashion ... but setting up one of my absolute favorite Chiefs games of all time, to close the 1992 regular season.
We'll get to that one, two weeks from now. And trust me, it's worth the wait. No fan of the Red and Gold that's at least 40 years old, could fail to name the 1992 finale, in their top ten favorite games ever.
Or as Kevin Harlan so perfectly noted: "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"
"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.
I got nothing. I think that's a good thing.
NEW! The those people Commentary and Choice.
You know, no matter how troubled times might become in the Kingdom, it's always good to know that things are far, far worse in those people land. Their head coach is an abject f*cking retard the likes of which mankind has never known. Their general manager (in addition to being the antichrist) is disappointed in the roster he so sh*ttacularly assembled. Their fans are demanding regime change in greater numbers as each day passes. Regime change up to and including apollyon himself.
But above it all, stands one proud those person: Defensive End derek wolfe. Who, love him or hate him (and we all know which one I choose), love him or hate him, is brutally, brutally honest about the state of affairs in those people land.
He's like the Brent Budowsky of those people land.
So going forward in this magical season that those people have so richly, justly, and completely earned, I intend to check in via mr. wolfe (and others) as to the true state of affairs inside the eighth layer of hell, and then enjoy the hell out of picking these ass-eaters to lose and lose big.
Let's begin with mr. wolfe's comments about his team'sindwelt demonic presences fans:
"It's sad we got fans behind our bench talking sh*t, talking about how we don't play with heart and don't play as hard as we can. Bullsh*t! We're playing as hard as we can every single snap!"
Which, somehow, sorta kinda, contradicts mr. wolfe's own comments following last Sunday's thoroughly enjoyable gag job at the Fake Meadowlands against an awful, absolutely god-awful Jets squad going nowhere anytime soon:
"Same sh*t every week! I'm tired of talking about the same sh*t the last two years!"
But hey, it's gonna get better, right?
* those people hold defensive players only meeting *
Oh. Because those players only meetings always work, right?
Jesus, I am loving this.
But let's be fair here. Surely, like every other team in the division, those people have a quarterback under center you can envision being there three years from now, right?
Oh. I guess not.
And it's only Week Six! We still have eleven more weeks of the "mile high meltdown" to enjoy!
Anyway, the choice. To me, this is simple. There's one person who is going to decide this game ... and he ain't on those people's sideline. Although he used to be.
Hide the women and children. By the time "Son O' Bum" is done exacting his revenge on this worthless organization, it's gonna make General Sherman's March to the Sea look like a kid in a sandbox.
* Rams (-7) 52, at those people 0.
The Jets Prediction.
If they can't beat the Colts at home, it's going to be a long march to December.
* at Jets (-2 1/2) 24, Colts 14.
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Picking the Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 5-0-0.
Against the Spread: 5-0-0.
Upset / Week (When Applicable): 1-0-0.
--------------------
(the congregation) (shifting restlessly in the second office)
(pastor stevo) (shuffling the sermon notes)
(pastor stevo) (taking a chug of something alcoholic in nature)
Let's begin.
--------------------
Earlier this week at Arrowhead Pride, one of the editors of that fine site decided to compare the 2018 Chiefs to the 2003 Chiefs using the statistics available then and now.
Why that struck me, is because I too have been thinking of comparing the 2003 Chiefs to this year's version. Except from a different angle.
Because just like the 2003 Chiefs had their shot to dethrone "the king", and assume the throne for themselves, potentially for a generation (if not a solid five years) to come?
So too, do the 2018 Chiefs.
On Sunday night.
--------------------
Given that 2003 is (gulp) fifteen years ago, perhaps a look back at that team -- and the wackiness that the AFC entering 2003 was -- is in order.
For starters, your division champions in 2002 were the Jets, Steelers, Titans, and raiders. That in and of itself wasn't that surprising; the Steelers hosted the AFC Title Game the prior season, the Titans hadn't had a losing record since 1997 and had made the playoffs three of the previous four seasons, the Jets hadn't had a losing record since 1996 and had made the playoffs in three of the previous five seasons, and the raiders had won three straight AFC West championships.
Your wild card teams in 2002 ... well one of them was the Colts, making their third playoff appearance in four years. The other was the Browns, making their first (and only) appearance in the playoffs as the "New Browns". That's a bit weird.
Also weird? A full twelve teams in the AFC went .500 or better! No, really -- they did! Including two entire divisions finishing .500 or better: the AFC West and AFC East ...
And as 2003 dawned, the AFC figured to be as feisty as ever. But there was one team that had the target on its' back above all others: the defending AFC Champion ... oakland raiders.
--------------------
The 2003 season for the Chiefs started out about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then back to back blowouts against the Steelers (home) and Texans (road). The Chiefs scored 110 points in those first three games, while the defense bent (allowing 48) but not really breaking.
And as Week Three ended, "The King" of the AFC was ... well, struggling. They lost the AFC Title Game rematch to the Titans to open the season in Nashville, beat the Bengals in the Black Hole, and got pole-axed at fake mile high in a Week Three prime time game. There's no shame in any of those outcomes ... but there's nothing to be proud of in there either.
The 2018 season for the Chiefs has started about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then a near-blowout against the Steelers (road) and an obliteration of the 49ers (home). The Chiefs scored 118 points in those first three games, while the defense bent mightily (allowing 92 points) ... yet never breaking.
There is one difference between the two squads though.
The 2018 Chiefs never trailed through the first weeks of the season.
The 2003 Chiefs did -- for over 22 minutes, of football action.
--------------------
Week Four.
If ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2003. The Chiefs, on the road, against a Ravens team that would go on to win the AFC North that season ... on national television.
And if ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2018. The Chiefs, on the road, against (IMNHO) our most hated divisional rival ... on national television.
Everyone and their brother saying this is it. This is the moment the Chiefs tumble back down to earth.
And for three and a half quarters -- in both seasons -- everyone and their drunk Uncle Bill were 100% correct.
The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against the Ravens fifteen years ago. The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against those people two weeks ago.
And then, "the moment".
In Baltimore fifteen years ago, it was a penalty. A rare penalty on the kicking team, after the Ravens tied the game with barely six minutes to play, that forced a rekick of the, uuh, kickoff.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment the 2003 Chiefs season got real:
Against those people, it was a play that literally moved this dude to tears, to make this 2018 Chiefs season get real:
Impossibly, improbably ... 4-0. 2003. 2018. 4-0.
With a far, far bigger challenge coming next, each season.
--------------------
In 2003, that challenge was a showdown that still to this day rates amongst the greatest of days at Arrowhead.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 4-0 those people.
Last week, that challenge was a showdown against a team many consider to be the best in the AFC at every position save one.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 3-1 Jacksonville.
In 2003, those people had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the raiders in Week Three.
In 2018, the Jaguars had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the Patriots in Week Two.
I suppose here is where I mention, the similarities actually end for a week, between 2003 and 2018. The 2003 Chiefs trailed nearly all day long, needed a miraculous punt return with barely nine to play to grab a one point lead, and then held on for dear life for the ensuing nine minutes.
The 2018 Chiefs led 23-0 at halftime after Chris Jones' awesome touchdown pick, and were never seriously threatened most of the day.
But still, at the end of the day, each version of the Chiefs stood at 5-0, the last unbeaten in the NFL ... and making apologies for that fact, to nobody.
--------------------
And so here we are. The Showdown with "The King" of the Conference.
The 2003 Chiefs had to survive one more game before getting their shot at the defending conference champs ... and "survive" is a misnomer. They had to stage a comeback for the ages. Trailing 34-17 with barely eight minutes to play, the Chiefs scored the final 23 points, including a touchdown in overtime to Johnny Morton, to somehow win 40-34 at Lambeau Field.
But just like the 2018 Chiefs, the 2003 Chiefs got their shot at knocking off "The King" -- on the road, in the biggest prime time game of the week.
--------------------
Knock off "The King", those 2003 Chiefs did, quite literally -- they ended Rich Gannon's career early in the second quarter, sending oakland spiraling into a lost season that ended at 4-12, saw "Sur" William Callahan fired, and saw an endless string of loser coaching and double digit loss seasons begin. Whatever one may think of the blown opportunity that Monday Nighter in late October 2003 wound up being, there can be no doubt: the young contender took their shot at the champion, and shattered every bone in said champion's body.
And now, fifteen years later, the Chiefs have the chance to do the same thing again: end the champion's reign.
Young Simba has the chance on Sunday night to announce to the world?
That he's through waiting, to be king.
Or, more to the point -- he's done with a 40 plus year old quarterback, proclaiming himself, to be the king.
--------------------
So after all this, allow me to say four things, then make the prognostication.
1. This game is NOT going to be a blowout, either way. I know both regular season games between "Fat" Andy and Bill Belichick in the last five years have been Chiefs obliterations of the Patriots. That ain't happening Sunday night. In fact, if there is going to be a blowout Sunday night, I'd wager on the Patriots, providing the whopping of proverbial ass.
2. I honestly believe, this is the only time these teams will meet this season. Mainly because I believe these will be the top two seeds in the AFC when the dust settles, and at least one of them will sh*t the bed at home in the Divisional Round. (For once, I pray it's not us. Please -- just once.)
3. The key to this game will be the Chiefs ability to generate a rush on Brady without sacrificing the secondary to do it. The Chiefs linebacking core is in worse shape than Lionel Richie after his wife caught him cheating on her back in the day. I honestly see no way this is going to happen. "Bulldog" Bob Sutton is going to have to gamble with safety and corner blitzes. To be fair, this strategory worked big time in the last matchup, to open the 2017 season. But the Chiefs were also playing two scores ahead most of the second half last year. Which is point four.
4. If Dustin Colquitt punts more than five times, the Chiefs will lose. Frankly, I'd drop the number to four, but I always try to build in the "nobody gives a sh*t" punt to end the first half to simply bleed the clock (ditto potentially in the second half as well).
The Chiefs went 5 for 5 against the 49ers in the first half. Five possessions, five touchdowns. They were up 14-0 on the Chargers barely two minutes into the game. Jacksonville was down 23-0 before the rain stopped last week. Even the Steelers were down 21-0 and a gratuitous holding call away from being down 28-0 before the first quarter was over.
The ONLY game the Chiefs have struggled to bury their opponent early, was the game against those people ... and go figure, it's the only game they've trailed in.
--------------------
Sunday night, the Chiefs king-in-waiting has one hell of a golden opportunity, to shorten the waiting period before he takes the throne. Just like Trent Green had fifteen years ago.
Fifteen years ago, the Chiefs were the best offense in football, led by the brightest offensive mind the sport had to offer. Just like the Chiefs of today.
Sunday night, a Chiefs defense that couldn't stop a quadrapalegic from scoring takes the field. Just like the Chiefs of fifteen years ago.
Forgotten about that Chiefs victory fifteen years ago?
Is that the 32 Defense held, on the final play of the game, to get the Chiefs to 7-0, via a last second goalline stand to emerge victorious at 17-10.
What I don't think will be forgotten anytime soon about Sunday night?
Is that the Chiefs defense, isn't going to be on the field, when the game is decided.
Or as Sir Elton John put it best, pushing (gulp) 25 years ago:
"The time has come, as some have said,
To talk of many things.
That may be true, but I would rather
Stick to talking kings!
It's easy to be royal,
If you're already leoline.
'Cause it isn't just my right --
Even my left? Will be divine!
The (Kingdom) is waiting
To go zing?
Oh I just can't wait
To be king!
I just can't wait?
To be king!!!!!!"
Your Upset O' The Week?
(stevo sighing in disgust voice) Take a mother f*cking guess.
* Chiefs (+3 1/2) 41, at Patriots 38, via a Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" touchdown pass to Demetrius Harris, as time expires.
This is gonna be fun folks. And it's only about to get funner ...
A little down the line?
The jungle and the plains and peaks?
Are scheduled to be mine!
I'm gonna be the ruler?
Of most everything around!
From the grandest of the mountains,
To the humble common ground!
My reign will be?
A super awesome thing!
Oh I just can't wait
To be king!
I'm gonna be a noble king;
Unscrupulously fair.
I only need a little time --
Perhaps a little hair.
I'm gonna be the mane event,
That no king was before!
I'm brushing up on looking down --
I'm working on my roar!
The fauna and the flora
Gonna swing,
'Cause I just can't wait
To be king! ..."
-- "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" by Sir Elton John.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 9-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 47-29-2.
Last Week ATS: 6-8-1.
Season to Date ATS: 40-33-5.
Last Week Upset / Week: holy hell, Batman.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-3-0 SU; 2-2-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: keep reading.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non those people, Non-Chiefs Picks.
* Eagles (-3) 31, at Giants 13.
* at "Shane" Falcons (-3 1/2) 38, Bucs 24. "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Redskins (-1) 24, Panthers 13.
* Seahawks (-3) 30, raiders 20 (Game in London). "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Vikings (-10) 34, "Super" Cardinals 6.
* at Bengals (-2 1/2) 31, Steelers 14.
* at Browns (+1) 17, "Super" Chargers 14 (OT).
* at Texans (-10) 45, Bills 14. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* Bears (-3) 24, at Dolphins 20.
* at Titans (+2 1/2) 23, Ravens 20.
* at Cowboys (+3) 24, Jaguars 20.
* at Packers (-9 1/2) 31, 49ers 10. "The Resident Is Better Than This Sh*t" honors.
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
I'm giving Ol' Klassy a pass this week, mainly because the most inexcusable thing he's tweeted all week is confusing Milwaukee's former baseball team, with its' current one, as to which one made the NLCS. Let's hope "K"KK gives us some material to use next week.
The Tailgating Plans.
There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a game I will be in attendance for.
The Watching Party Plans.
There'll be a watching party at my Second Parents. I'm just not sure if it will be indoors, outdoors, or both. (The forecast here in Kansas City is, uuh, a bit wacko right now.) The menu (as always for the Patriots) will be Brady Brats and Patty Melts, plus assorted sides and libations.
Stevo's Drink O' The Week.
If you headed out to Arrowhead last Sunday, then you know that it was (a) somewhat cold, (b) somewhat wet, and (c) somewhat miserable for tailgating. Which made the drink of choice easy.
The Benchwarmer.
The Chiefs used to sell these inside Arrowhead in the early 2000s (note: they probably still do; I just haven't sought one out in years). A benchwarmer is some nice frothy hot chocolate mixed with a healthy dosage of peppermint schnapps. It is phenomenal, especially boiled on a grill during tailgating.
Give it a try; just like with most things I highly recommend in life?
Either it's totally worth it ... or just assume I'm so high, I'd try anything.
The Flashback.
C'mon gang. Peoples and Peepettes. There's only one game to choose for this week's The Flashback.
And that was the beauty the Chiefs and Patriots staged at Arrowhead in Week 15, 1992.
As with most things in life that are more than twenty five years passed, I'd worried I'd (bill clinton voice) misremembered the details of the day. Unfortunately, I haven't. Pro Football Focus confirms the day was as f*cking miserable as I recall: 40ish, brutal wind, dumping down rain.
This is the game best remembered as the one where Bill Maas infamously said the following, regarding the Chiefs chances to win:
"If we put our helmets on, we win".
Not quite, Sir William. Because the Chiefs did their damndest that day to give the game to the Patriots. The Pats jumped out early 7-0 on a defensive touchdown caused by the (virtually) unplayable conditions. The Pats led 13-3 early in the 2nd quarter, 13-6 at halftime ... before the Red and Gold (no doubt motivated by one hell of a halftime speech by someone) poured it on, scoring three touchdowns on three possessions to assume control of the game, and hold on to win 27-20.
The Chiefs needed the win to keep pace with your San Diego "Super" Chargers, who had won nine out of ten to tie the Chiefs in the division standings with two games to play. Sadly, the Chiefs would choke away the division the following Saturday in New York, losing to a god-awful Giants team in blowout fashion ... but setting up one of my absolute favorite Chiefs games of all time, to close the 1992 regular season.
We'll get to that one, two weeks from now. And trust me, it's worth the wait. No fan of the Red and Gold that's at least 40 years old, could fail to name the 1992 finale, in their top ten favorite games ever.
Or as Kevin Harlan so perfectly noted: "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"
"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.
I got nothing. I think that's a good thing.
NEW! The those people Commentary and Choice.
You know, no matter how troubled times might become in the Kingdom, it's always good to know that things are far, far worse in those people land. Their head coach is an abject f*cking retard the likes of which mankind has never known. Their general manager (in addition to being the antichrist) is disappointed in the roster he so sh*ttacularly assembled. Their fans are demanding regime change in greater numbers as each day passes. Regime change up to and including apollyon himself.
But above it all, stands one proud those person: Defensive End derek wolfe. Who, love him or hate him (and we all know which one I choose), love him or hate him, is brutally, brutally honest about the state of affairs in those people land.
He's like the Brent Budowsky of those people land.
So going forward in this magical season that those people have so richly, justly, and completely earned, I intend to check in via mr. wolfe (and others) as to the true state of affairs inside the eighth layer of hell, and then enjoy the hell out of picking these ass-eaters to lose and lose big.
Let's begin with mr. wolfe's comments about his team's
"It's sad we got fans behind our bench talking sh*t, talking about how we don't play with heart and don't play as hard as we can. Bullsh*t! We're playing as hard as we can every single snap!"
Which, somehow, sorta kinda, contradicts mr. wolfe's own comments following last Sunday's thoroughly enjoyable gag job at the Fake Meadowlands against an awful, absolutely god-awful Jets squad going nowhere anytime soon:
"Same sh*t every week! I'm tired of talking about the same sh*t the last two years!"
But hey, it's gonna get better, right?
* those people hold defensive players only meeting *
Oh. Because those players only meetings always work, right?
Jesus, I am loving this.
But let's be fair here. Surely, like every other team in the division, those people have a quarterback under center you can envision being there three years from now, right?
Oh. I guess not.
And it's only Week Six! We still have eleven more weeks of the "mile high meltdown" to enjoy!
Anyway, the choice. To me, this is simple. There's one person who is going to decide this game ... and he ain't on those people's sideline. Although he used to be.
Hide the women and children. By the time "Son O' Bum" is done exacting his revenge on this worthless organization, it's gonna make General Sherman's March to the Sea look like a kid in a sandbox.
* Rams (-7) 52, at those people 0.
The Jets Prediction.
If they can't beat the Colts at home, it's going to be a long march to December.
* at Jets (-2 1/2) 24, Colts 14.
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Picking the Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 5-0-0.
Against the Spread: 5-0-0.
Upset / Week (When Applicable): 1-0-0.
--------------------
(the congregation) (shifting restlessly in the second office)
(pastor stevo) (shuffling the sermon notes)
(pastor stevo) (taking a chug of something alcoholic in nature)
Let's begin.
--------------------
Earlier this week at Arrowhead Pride, one of the editors of that fine site decided to compare the 2018 Chiefs to the 2003 Chiefs using the statistics available then and now.
Why that struck me, is because I too have been thinking of comparing the 2003 Chiefs to this year's version. Except from a different angle.
Because just like the 2003 Chiefs had their shot to dethrone "the king", and assume the throne for themselves, potentially for a generation (if not a solid five years) to come?
So too, do the 2018 Chiefs.
On Sunday night.
--------------------
Given that 2003 is (gulp) fifteen years ago, perhaps a look back at that team -- and the wackiness that the AFC entering 2003 was -- is in order.
For starters, your division champions in 2002 were the Jets, Steelers, Titans, and raiders. That in and of itself wasn't that surprising; the Steelers hosted the AFC Title Game the prior season, the Titans hadn't had a losing record since 1997 and had made the playoffs three of the previous four seasons, the Jets hadn't had a losing record since 1996 and had made the playoffs in three of the previous five seasons, and the raiders had won three straight AFC West championships.
Your wild card teams in 2002 ... well one of them was the Colts, making their third playoff appearance in four years. The other was the Browns, making their first (and only) appearance in the playoffs as the "New Browns". That's a bit weird.
Also weird? A full twelve teams in the AFC went .500 or better! No, really -- they did! Including two entire divisions finishing .500 or better: the AFC West and AFC East ...
And as 2003 dawned, the AFC figured to be as feisty as ever. But there was one team that had the target on its' back above all others: the defending AFC Champion ... oakland raiders.
--------------------
The 2003 season for the Chiefs started out about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then back to back blowouts against the Steelers (home) and Texans (road). The Chiefs scored 110 points in those first three games, while the defense bent (allowing 48) but not really breaking.
And as Week Three ended, "The King" of the AFC was ... well, struggling. They lost the AFC Title Game rematch to the Titans to open the season in Nashville, beat the Bengals in the Black Hole, and got pole-axed at fake mile high in a Week Three prime time game. There's no shame in any of those outcomes ... but there's nothing to be proud of in there either.
The 2018 season for the Chiefs has started about as well as one could have hoped. It opened with a comfortable win over the divisional rival Chargers, then a near-blowout against the Steelers (road) and an obliteration of the 49ers (home). The Chiefs scored 118 points in those first three games, while the defense bent mightily (allowing 92 points) ... yet never breaking.
There is one difference between the two squads though.
The 2018 Chiefs never trailed through the first weeks of the season.
The 2003 Chiefs did -- for over 22 minutes, of football action.
--------------------
Week Four.
If ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2003. The Chiefs, on the road, against a Ravens team that would go on to win the AFC North that season ... on national television.
And if ever there was a "trap game", so to speak, there it was in 2018. The Chiefs, on the road, against (IMNHO) our most hated divisional rival ... on national television.
Everyone and their brother saying this is it. This is the moment the Chiefs tumble back down to earth.
And for three and a half quarters -- in both seasons -- everyone and their drunk Uncle Bill were 100% correct.
The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against the Ravens fifteen years ago. The Chiefs could do nothing on offense against those people two weeks ago.
And then, "the moment".
In Baltimore fifteen years ago, it was a penalty. A rare penalty on the kicking team, after the Ravens tied the game with barely six minutes to play, that forced a rekick of the, uuh, kickoff.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment the 2003 Chiefs season got real:
Against those people, it was a play that literally moved this dude to tears, to make this 2018 Chiefs season get real:
Impossibly, improbably ... 4-0. 2003. 2018. 4-0.
With a far, far bigger challenge coming next, each season.
--------------------
In 2003, that challenge was a showdown that still to this day rates amongst the greatest of days at Arrowhead.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 4-0 those people.
Last week, that challenge was a showdown against a team many consider to be the best in the AFC at every position save one.
4-0 Kansas City hosting 3-1 Jacksonville.
In 2003, those people had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the raiders in Week Three.
In 2018, the Jaguars had already beat "The King" in their place in a nationally televised game, pounding the Patriots in Week Two.
I suppose here is where I mention, the similarities actually end for a week, between 2003 and 2018. The 2003 Chiefs trailed nearly all day long, needed a miraculous punt return with barely nine to play to grab a one point lead, and then held on for dear life for the ensuing nine minutes.
The 2018 Chiefs led 23-0 at halftime after Chris Jones' awesome touchdown pick, and were never seriously threatened most of the day.
But still, at the end of the day, each version of the Chiefs stood at 5-0, the last unbeaten in the NFL ... and making apologies for that fact, to nobody.
--------------------
And so here we are. The Showdown with "The King" of the Conference.
The 2003 Chiefs had to survive one more game before getting their shot at the defending conference champs ... and "survive" is a misnomer. They had to stage a comeback for the ages. Trailing 34-17 with barely eight minutes to play, the Chiefs scored the final 23 points, including a touchdown in overtime to Johnny Morton, to somehow win 40-34 at Lambeau Field.
But just like the 2018 Chiefs, the 2003 Chiefs got their shot at knocking off "The King" -- on the road, in the biggest prime time game of the week.
--------------------
Knock off "The King", those 2003 Chiefs did, quite literally -- they ended Rich Gannon's career early in the second quarter, sending oakland spiraling into a lost season that ended at 4-12, saw "Sur" William Callahan fired, and saw an endless string of loser coaching and double digit loss seasons begin. Whatever one may think of the blown opportunity that Monday Nighter in late October 2003 wound up being, there can be no doubt: the young contender took their shot at the champion, and shattered every bone in said champion's body.
And now, fifteen years later, the Chiefs have the chance to do the same thing again: end the champion's reign.
Young Simba has the chance on Sunday night to announce to the world?
That he's through waiting, to be king.
Or, more to the point -- he's done with a 40 plus year old quarterback, proclaiming himself, to be the king.
--------------------
So after all this, allow me to say four things, then make the prognostication.
1. This game is NOT going to be a blowout, either way. I know both regular season games between "Fat" Andy and Bill Belichick in the last five years have been Chiefs obliterations of the Patriots. That ain't happening Sunday night. In fact, if there is going to be a blowout Sunday night, I'd wager on the Patriots, providing the whopping of proverbial ass.
2. I honestly believe, this is the only time these teams will meet this season. Mainly because I believe these will be the top two seeds in the AFC when the dust settles, and at least one of them will sh*t the bed at home in the Divisional Round. (For once, I pray it's not us. Please -- just once.)
3. The key to this game will be the Chiefs ability to generate a rush on Brady without sacrificing the secondary to do it. The Chiefs linebacking core is in worse shape than Lionel Richie after his wife caught him cheating on her back in the day. I honestly see no way this is going to happen. "Bulldog" Bob Sutton is going to have to gamble with safety and corner blitzes. To be fair, this strategory worked big time in the last matchup, to open the 2017 season. But the Chiefs were also playing two scores ahead most of the second half last year. Which is point four.
4. If Dustin Colquitt punts more than five times, the Chiefs will lose. Frankly, I'd drop the number to four, but I always try to build in the "nobody gives a sh*t" punt to end the first half to simply bleed the clock (ditto potentially in the second half as well).
The Chiefs went 5 for 5 against the 49ers in the first half. Five possessions, five touchdowns. They were up 14-0 on the Chargers barely two minutes into the game. Jacksonville was down 23-0 before the rain stopped last week. Even the Steelers were down 21-0 and a gratuitous holding call away from being down 28-0 before the first quarter was over.
The ONLY game the Chiefs have struggled to bury their opponent early, was the game against those people ... and go figure, it's the only game they've trailed in.
--------------------
Sunday night, the Chiefs king-in-waiting has one hell of a golden opportunity, to shorten the waiting period before he takes the throne. Just like Trent Green had fifteen years ago.
Fifteen years ago, the Chiefs were the best offense in football, led by the brightest offensive mind the sport had to offer. Just like the Chiefs of today.
Sunday night, a Chiefs defense that couldn't stop a quadrapalegic from scoring takes the field. Just like the Chiefs of fifteen years ago.
Forgotten about that Chiefs victory fifteen years ago?
Is that the 32 Defense held, on the final play of the game, to get the Chiefs to 7-0, via a last second goalline stand to emerge victorious at 17-10.
What I don't think will be forgotten anytime soon about Sunday night?
Is that the Chiefs defense, isn't going to be on the field, when the game is decided.
Or as Sir Elton John put it best, pushing (gulp) 25 years ago:
"The time has come, as some have said,
To talk of many things.
That may be true, but I would rather
Stick to talking kings!
It's easy to be royal,
If you're already leoline.
'Cause it isn't just my right --
Even my left? Will be divine!
The (Kingdom) is waiting
To go zing?
Oh I just can't wait
To be king!
I just can't wait?
To be king!!!!!!"
Your Upset O' The Week?
(stevo sighing in disgust voice) Take a mother f*cking guess.
* Chiefs (+3 1/2) 41, at Patriots 38, via a Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" touchdown pass to Demetrius Harris, as time expires.
This is gonna be fun folks. And it's only about to get funner ...
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
do you realize what today means, chiefs fans ...
"I've been reading books of old;
The legends and the myths.
Achilles and his gold;
Hercules and his gifts.
Spiderman's control,
And Batman with his fists --
And I clearly don't see
Myself upon that list.
But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody,
With super human gifts.
Some superhero?
Some fairy tale bliss?
Just somebody I can turn to;
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something?
Just like this!
I want something?
Just like this! ..."
-- "Something Just Like This" by the Chainsmokers.
--------------------
Wherever he may be nowadays, I believe Tony Dumas needs to update the flight plans, sir * .
I noted to Tyler leaving Arrowhead on Sunday that I was 80% sure the Chiefs / Bengals game next week would get flexed to a later starting time. I just thought that time would be 3:25pm. I didn't dream the NFL would give us free prime time football at Arrowhead just for the hell of it.
Bengals! Chiefs! Prime! Time!
And thus, the march through the most crucial three weeks of the (regular) season?
Just got that much more damned enjoyable.
And potentially memorable.
--------------------
(*: you had to live in the Metroplex, and/or be a Dallas Mavericks fan, from 1994ish to 2000ish, to get that joke. I qualify for both "designations".)
--------------------
First, a brief interlude, before getting to the point(s) of the post, and there are two of them -- one of them kinda obvious, one of them not so much.
This is "Fat" Andy Reid's sixth season. As best I can tell, the Chiefs have been flexed INTO a better time slot, five times prior under "Fat" Andy:
* Week Seven 2013: Texans game moved from noon to 3:25 national game. (I should note, I still haven't seen the Chiefense ever look better, than those last fifteen minutes of that contest. I turn 42 in less than 90 days. I feel like you should know that.)
* Week Eleven 2013: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night. (It did inspire what is still to this moment, my favorite post I've ever, uuh, posted.)
* Week Seventeen 2015: raiders game moved from noon to 3:25pm national game. (Game meant nothing to both teams ultimately due to those people win at same time.)
* Week Twelve 2016: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night. (The Doink Heard Round the World Game.)
* AFC Divisional Round 2016: Steelers game moved from noon to Sunday Night due to weather. (For what it's worth, I believe this loss, is the number one reason the Chiefs traded up to get Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs". They knew they would never get farther than the Divisional Round, with "Sir" Alex Smith.)
And now, we have a sixth: Week Seven 2017, Bengals game moved from noon to Sunday Night.
For what it's also worth, I cannot find a single time the Chiefs have been demoted from prime time, to a regular afternoon slot, in the "Fat" Andy Reid era.
Gaining an extra national TV game every season, solely because our coach is so damned good, 9-7 is the f*cking floor for this franchise? Sign me up!
--------------------
So here's the two points.
1. If you people thought the roar when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" was introduced two weeks ago was awe-inspiring (and trust me -- I cried for seven straight minutes simply hearing "and at quarterback" over the PA system), if you thought that could move your emotions to the point of tears?
Imagine hearing "and at safety, from Tennessee!" a week from Sunday night during player intros. I mean, Jesus, talk about a moment. If Eric Berry chooses that spot to return (and for what it's worth, it seems as good a time as any), can you imagine the roar? Can you just close your eyes and imagine it? Because I can. And I want to see it.
But more to the point ...
2. Do you realize just how monumental today is? It's OK if it slid by you. It took me a solid four seconds to realize it when I got the text from multiple people that we'd been flexed to Sunday night.
As my buddy and (once again ... I think this is the fourth time now?) co-worker Pickell would put it: "put it this way".
Put it this way -- in the five previous flex games? Three have involved satan manning, and a fourth involved the Ice Storm of the Decade. (The other one? Not sure what the NFL was thinking, flexing a 2-4 Texans at 6-0 Chiefs game back to 3:30 ... but we'll take it.)
This game was flexed today solely and only because the Chiefs are involved.
Specifically, this game was flexed today solely and only because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is involved.
Folks? The NFL kicked OUT the LA and San Francisco market from prime time, to give you ... the Cincinnati and Kansas City markets.
Because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Let that sink in: the NFL threw out a guaranteed ratings winner in LA and the Bay Area (two of the top five television markets) for KC (around twentieth) and Cincinnati (ditto).
They threw out a guaranteed 12 rating / 20 share ... to gamble on Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" drawing the nation in and improve on the 12 / 20 floor.
(Note: my college roommate was a RTVF major. I had to listen to Nielsen explanations more than I care to remember. I do remember, though, that a 12 / 20 is damned good ... and the NFL and The Big Bang Theory are about the only two franchises left, that can deliver that rating, on a weekly basis.)
Today, Chiefs fans?
The NFL rolled the dice on the Chiefs being a national draw simply because they're the Chiefs ... led by Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
This? We ain't seen before.
The NFL kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.
NBC kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.
How f*cking awesome is that?
The legends and the myths.
Achilles and his gold;
Hercules and his gifts.
Spiderman's control,
And Batman with his fists --
And I clearly don't see
Myself upon that list.
But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody,
With super human gifts.
Some superhero?
Some fairy tale bliss?
Just somebody I can turn to;
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something?
Just like this!
I want something?
Just like this! ..."
-- "Something Just Like This" by the Chainsmokers.
--------------------
Wherever he may be nowadays, I believe Tony Dumas needs to update the flight plans, sir * .
I noted to Tyler leaving Arrowhead on Sunday that I was 80% sure the Chiefs / Bengals game next week would get flexed to a later starting time. I just thought that time would be 3:25pm. I didn't dream the NFL would give us free prime time football at Arrowhead just for the hell of it.
Bengals! Chiefs! Prime! Time!
And thus, the march through the most crucial three weeks of the (regular) season?
Just got that much more damned enjoyable.
And potentially memorable.
--------------------
(*: you had to live in the Metroplex, and/or be a Dallas Mavericks fan, from 1994ish to 2000ish, to get that joke. I qualify for both "designations".)
--------------------
First, a brief interlude, before getting to the point(s) of the post, and there are two of them -- one of them kinda obvious, one of them not so much.
This is "Fat" Andy Reid's sixth season. As best I can tell, the Chiefs have been flexed INTO a better time slot, five times prior under "Fat" Andy:
* Week Seven 2013: Texans game moved from noon to 3:25 national game. (I should note, I still haven't seen the Chiefense ever look better, than those last fifteen minutes of that contest. I turn 42 in less than 90 days. I feel like you should know that.)
* Week Eleven 2013: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night. (It did inspire what is still to this moment, my favorite post I've ever, uuh, posted.)
* Week Seventeen 2015: raiders game moved from noon to 3:25pm national game. (Game meant nothing to both teams ultimately due to those people win at same time.)
* Week Twelve 2016: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night. (The Doink Heard Round the World Game.)
* AFC Divisional Round 2016: Steelers game moved from noon to Sunday Night due to weather. (For what it's worth, I believe this loss, is the number one reason the Chiefs traded up to get Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs". They knew they would never get farther than the Divisional Round, with "Sir" Alex Smith.)
And now, we have a sixth: Week Seven 2017, Bengals game moved from noon to Sunday Night.
For what it's also worth, I cannot find a single time the Chiefs have been demoted from prime time, to a regular afternoon slot, in the "Fat" Andy Reid era.
Gaining an extra national TV game every season, solely because our coach is so damned good, 9-7 is the f*cking floor for this franchise? Sign me up!
--------------------
So here's the two points.
1. If you people thought the roar when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" was introduced two weeks ago was awe-inspiring (and trust me -- I cried for seven straight minutes simply hearing "and at quarterback" over the PA system), if you thought that could move your emotions to the point of tears?
Imagine hearing "and at safety, from Tennessee!" a week from Sunday night during player intros. I mean, Jesus, talk about a moment. If Eric Berry chooses that spot to return (and for what it's worth, it seems as good a time as any), can you imagine the roar? Can you just close your eyes and imagine it? Because I can. And I want to see it.
But more to the point ...
2. Do you realize just how monumental today is? It's OK if it slid by you. It took me a solid four seconds to realize it when I got the text from multiple people that we'd been flexed to Sunday night.
As my buddy and (once again ... I think this is the fourth time now?) co-worker Pickell would put it: "put it this way".
Put it this way -- in the five previous flex games? Three have involved satan manning, and a fourth involved the Ice Storm of the Decade. (The other one? Not sure what the NFL was thinking, flexing a 2-4 Texans at 6-0 Chiefs game back to 3:30 ... but we'll take it.)
This game was flexed today solely and only because the Chiefs are involved.
Specifically, this game was flexed today solely and only because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is involved.
Folks? The NFL kicked OUT the LA and San Francisco market from prime time, to give you ... the Cincinnati and Kansas City markets.
Because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Let that sink in: the NFL threw out a guaranteed ratings winner in LA and the Bay Area (two of the top five television markets) for KC (around twentieth) and Cincinnati (ditto).
They threw out a guaranteed 12 rating / 20 share ... to gamble on Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" drawing the nation in and improve on the 12 / 20 floor.
(Note: my college roommate was a RTVF major. I had to listen to Nielsen explanations more than I care to remember. I do remember, though, that a 12 / 20 is damned good ... and the NFL and The Big Bang Theory are about the only two franchises left, that can deliver that rating, on a weekly basis.)
Today, Chiefs fans?
The NFL rolled the dice on the Chiefs being a national draw simply because they're the Chiefs ... led by Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
This? We ain't seen before.
The NFL kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.
NBC kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.
How f*cking awesome is that?
Saturday, October 6, 2018
chiefs jaguars thought(s) and pick ...
"Raindrops?
Keep falling on my head.
And just like the guy
Whose feet are too big for his bed?
Nothing seems to fit.
Those raindrops are falling
On my head --
They keep falling.
So I just did me
Some talking to the sun.
And I said I didn't like
The way he got things done;
Sleeping on the job.
Those raindrops are falling
On my head --
They keep falling.
But there's one thing?
I know --
The blues they send to meet me?
Won't defeat me!
It won't be long?
Til happiness?
Steps up?
To greet me!
Raindrops?
Keep falling on my head.
But that doesn't mean my eyes
Will soon be turning red!
Crying's not for me
Cause I'm never gonna
Stop the rain
By complaining
Because I'm free --
Nothing's worrying me! ..."
-- "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" by BJ Thomas.
--------------------
Picking The Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 4-0-0.
Against the Spread: 4-0-0.
Upset / Week: 1-0-0.
--------------------
I begin typing this at approximately 3:48am Kansas City time on Saturday morning. The reason why I'm awake is quite simple: it's pouring outside. And like a drunken idiot (shaddup!), I left the window above my bed open beforefalling asleep passing out last night, and go figure, now the top half of my bed is sopping wet, and the sheets are now in the dryer to, uuh, dry out.
Somehow this seems fitting, since according to every reputable local forecast, it's going to be like this for at least tailgating and the first half of tomorrow Chiefs / Jaguars showdown.
And let there be no doubt: this is a showdown, in every sense of the word.
Because the winner on Sunday, owns the inside lane, in the race to home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.
--------------------
Before I forget ...
The Tailgating Plans.
We're just doing burgers / brats / dogs, plus assorted side dishes. Nothing difficult. Given the forecast for a steady rain all day tomorrow, the easier the better.
We'll be in our usual spot (the grassy knoll just north of the G30 sign) when the gates open. Hopefully the Good Lord Up Above will give us a 30 minute dry spat about 7:30am tomorrow, to get the tents up before it really begins dumping. #akidcandream.
Feel free to join us.
--------------------
These next three weeks in the AFC are going to be fascinating to watch unfold. Currently nine teams are at least .500 in the AFC. (And somehow? The Steelers and Texans aren't among those nine ... though I think one of them will be come October 22nd.)
There are so many showdowns that are going to have serious ramifications come December 30th, that it ... frankly, it requires a tracking sheet. So here you go -- the next three weeks for all nine teams at .500 or better, plus the Steelers and Texans (at least one of whom is going to rally to grab a playoff berth):
The AFC is going to have some clarity to it in three weeks.
Which means the Chiefs -- despite starting at least 4-0 for the third time in six years under "Fat" Andy Reid -- have a sh*t ton of work left to do.
Beginning tomorrow.
--------------------
I'm not delivering some peppy, inspirational speech for y'all this week. If you as a Chiefs fan cannot recognize how important this game is, then I can't help you.
I know it's supposed to rain most of the day tomorrow. So what? We're good for one rain game a year, at least. And at least this time, it'll be in the 70s. It'll feel like a sauna in the lower bowl once the rain stops. (And if the sun comes out ... perhaps we get a second straight "Perfect Stevo Game"?)
And so ... the pick.
It's almost more important the Chiefs go 3-1 in this quarter, than that they opened at least 2-2 in the previous quarter. Yes, going 4-0 vs 2-2 (or worse) gives us some margin for error, especially within the division. We're two clear of every divisional rival, with two divisional road wins in hand.
But a Jags win on Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
A Patriots win next Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
A Bengals win two weeks from Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
And we still have to host Baltimore (another 3-1 squad), in early December.
The Chiefs have shown they have no problem winning or finishing second in the AFC West under "Fat" Andy Reid -- they've done it every year, resulting in 4 playoff berths in 5 years (and missing the playoffs on tiebreakers, they year they missed).
It's beating teams outside the division they struggle with, especially in January.
They can take a big step towards establishing credibility in that regard, on Sunday.
And next Sunday.
And the Sunday after that.
I've struggled all week on how to pick this game. My head says the Jaguars steal this one via some late bullsh*t via a f*cked up field. (C'mon, you didn't really expect me to go four letter word free in this post, did ya?) My heart says this team is different than any other Chiefs team I've ever seen. That you can't go with your head, you can't go with what your eyes see. You just have to believe.
* at Chiefs (-3) 31, Jaguars 23.
Hope to see y'all tomorrow ...
Keep falling on my head.
And just like the guy
Whose feet are too big for his bed?
Nothing seems to fit.
Those raindrops are falling
On my head --
They keep falling.
So I just did me
Some talking to the sun.
And I said I didn't like
The way he got things done;
Sleeping on the job.
Those raindrops are falling
On my head --
They keep falling.
But there's one thing?
I know --
The blues they send to meet me?
Won't defeat me!
It won't be long?
Til happiness?
Steps up?
To greet me!
Raindrops?
Keep falling on my head.
But that doesn't mean my eyes
Will soon be turning red!
Crying's not for me
Cause I'm never gonna
Stop the rain
By complaining
Because I'm free --
Nothing's worrying me! ..."
-- "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" by BJ Thomas.
--------------------
Picking The Chiefs This Season:
Straight Up: 4-0-0.
Against the Spread: 4-0-0.
Upset / Week: 1-0-0.
--------------------
I begin typing this at approximately 3:48am Kansas City time on Saturday morning. The reason why I'm awake is quite simple: it's pouring outside. And like a drunken idiot (shaddup!), I left the window above my bed open before
Somehow this seems fitting, since according to every reputable local forecast, it's going to be like this for at least tailgating and the first half of tomorrow Chiefs / Jaguars showdown.
And let there be no doubt: this is a showdown, in every sense of the word.
Because the winner on Sunday, owns the inside lane, in the race to home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.
--------------------
Before I forget ...
The Tailgating Plans.
We're just doing burgers / brats / dogs, plus assorted side dishes. Nothing difficult. Given the forecast for a steady rain all day tomorrow, the easier the better.
We'll be in our usual spot (the grassy knoll just north of the G30 sign) when the gates open. Hopefully the Good Lord Up Above will give us a 30 minute dry spat about 7:30am tomorrow, to get the tents up before it really begins dumping. #akidcandream.
Feel free to join us.
--------------------
These next three weeks in the AFC are going to be fascinating to watch unfold. Currently nine teams are at least .500 in the AFC. (And somehow? The Steelers and Texans aren't among those nine ... though I think one of them will be come October 22nd.)
There are so many showdowns that are going to have serious ramifications come December 30th, that it ... frankly, it requires a tracking sheet. So here you go -- the next three weeks for all nine teams at .500 or better, plus the Steelers and Texans (at least one of whom is going to rally to grab a playoff berth):
The AFC is going to have some clarity to it in three weeks.
Which means the Chiefs -- despite starting at least 4-0 for the third time in six years under "Fat" Andy Reid -- have a sh*t ton of work left to do.
Beginning tomorrow.
--------------------
I'm not delivering some peppy, inspirational speech for y'all this week. If you as a Chiefs fan cannot recognize how important this game is, then I can't help you.
I know it's supposed to rain most of the day tomorrow. So what? We're good for one rain game a year, at least. And at least this time, it'll be in the 70s. It'll feel like a sauna in the lower bowl once the rain stops. (And if the sun comes out ... perhaps we get a second straight "Perfect Stevo Game"?)
And so ... the pick.
It's almost more important the Chiefs go 3-1 in this quarter, than that they opened at least 2-2 in the previous quarter. Yes, going 4-0 vs 2-2 (or worse) gives us some margin for error, especially within the division. We're two clear of every divisional rival, with two divisional road wins in hand.
But a Jags win on Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
A Patriots win next Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
A Bengals win two weeks from Sunday? Gives them the tiebreaker.
And we still have to host Baltimore (another 3-1 squad), in early December.
The Chiefs have shown they have no problem winning or finishing second in the AFC West under "Fat" Andy Reid -- they've done it every year, resulting in 4 playoff berths in 5 years (and missing the playoffs on tiebreakers, they year they missed).
It's beating teams outside the division they struggle with, especially in January.
They can take a big step towards establishing credibility in that regard, on Sunday.
And next Sunday.
And the Sunday after that.
I've struggled all week on how to pick this game. My head says the Jaguars steal this one via some late bullsh*t via a f*cked up field. (C'mon, you didn't really expect me to go four letter word free in this post, did ya?) My heart says this team is different than any other Chiefs team I've ever seen. That you can't go with your head, you can't go with what your eyes see. You just have to believe.
* at Chiefs (-3) 31, Jaguars 23.
Hope to see y'all tomorrow ...
Thursday, October 4, 2018
chiefs! those people! where "lefties" finally give those people what they earned ...
"A pebble in the water?
Makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world?
Will bear a consequence.
If you wait around forever?
You will surely drown.
I see what's going down ...
I see the way you go,
And say you're right again --
Say you're right again?!?!?!
Heed my lecture!!!!!
Do you feel like a man?
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now?
As she falls to the ground?
Well I tell you, my friend?
One day? This world's gonna end!
As your lies crumble down?
A new life? She has found!
Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
(We) said -- we've finally hurt enough!
Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
'Cause (we) said?
(We've) FINALLY hurt enough!!!! ..."
-- "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
--------------------
He laughed.
That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.
"Fat" Andy laughed.
No, really. One more time, for emphasis.
"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.
As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.
Because I knew -- as did every person inside the absolute bat sh*t crazy nuthouse that fake mile high was Monday night -- I knew? Just as "Fat" Andy no doubt figured out?
The Chiefs? Our beloved Red and Gold?
Well, you'll have to keep reading.
--------------------
The roadie started about 6am Sunday morning, when I got picked up by the other three driving out for this roadie: "The Kids" of our tailgating group.
The trip out was relatively uneventful. Jaimmie and Anthony took turns driving. I took a nap, then started in on Jeff Pearlman's fantastic new book "Football For a Buck", a fond look back at the wackiness that was the USFL (and the utter bullsh*t lie Donald J. Trump "House of Wings"is was ... but let's move on; I'm trying to keep this sh*t as politics free as possible).
It spit rain for about half the trip, from somewhere west of Salina until just before we hit the eastern suburbs of denver. Which honestly, was fine. Because somehow, it improved my cell phone reception, and allowed us to have the Red Zone channel pulled up on my phone, while flipping between the games the CBS and NBC National feeds were providing over DirecTV Now.
I gotta admit, taking a road trip today? Is a helluva lot better than it was, ten years ago.
--------------------
We got into denver a solid hour, seventy minutes before we could check in ... and apparently this was by design. Because as we got off I-70 in one of the sketchiest, shakiest parts of a city I've ever stepped foot in * , there it was, in all its' beautiful glory.
The Green Solution.
Sadly, they did not allow pictures to be taken inside, but I did snap one of the outside:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
This place ... sh*t, 41 year old me was literally drooling. I can only imagine what 31 year old me would have done, at realizing obtaining an herbal product I enjoy is as easy to obtain as (a) show ID, (b) tell your herbalist what you want, and (c) fork over the cash.
Which, I suppose, the only difference between a legal transaction and the way I've bought product the last twenty some odd years is (a) ... and the cops. But still.
There were at least three things on this trip I never imagined I'd live to see in my lifetime. A legalized marijuana dispensary is one of them.
The second one happened, about an hour later.
The third?
Closes this post down.
--------------------
(*: this presumes there is a section of denver that is not sketchy, sleazy, and/or overrun with crime, vermin, and homeless drug addicts who just sh*t and whiz in the streets, San Francisco style. I have yet to encounter, that section of denver. Also, I irrationally hate everything about that place, most especially its' football team, so I'm probably never going to run that place's Chamber of Commerce.)
--------------------
Next step was to check into the hotel, try to catch the late game, and grab some food. (We hadn't really had anything all day, save for coffee and water.) I also had another mission: it was pushing 4pm Kansas City time on a Sunday, and I had yet to have a drop of alcohol. I swear, my left hand was shaking from withdrawal ** .
So, after dumping my bag in my room, I headed down to the lobby to hit up the bar ... only it wasn't open yet. (It didn't open until 4pm denver time). So I made (dave matthews voice) the best of what's around, and headed into the little convenience store there in the lobby of the lovely Clarion Denver Central *** . And lo and behold, they had beer!
Sadly, they only had one kind:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
To answer the Captain Oats in the room ... of course I drank them.
I also puked less than five minutes later. And I mean puked. There was stuff coming up that I ate on Tuesday, those two beers with the logo of those people so thoroughly disgusted my body upon entering it.
Once again, I am the one person in this life, who does not believe in coincidence.
--------------------
(**: usually I'm pushing a .12 by lunch on a typical Sunday.)
(***: this was one neat hotel. In a "holy hell, places like this exist?!?!?!" neat kind of way.)
--------------------
A little after four, we met up in the bar to enjoy some libations and the 49ers / Chargers game. Our bartender was ... well, he was interesting. For starters, he was hitting on me from the moment I walked in, right up to the always classy "can I get you another cock ... (long pause) ... tail?" line every time he hit up our table.
Honestly, I could care less when someone hits on me, irregardless of who they are. I take it as a compliment, to be frank. But this guy just would not stop. I finally reached my breaking point, tabbed out, and headed upstairs for the night to watch the rest of the Steelers game, and try to get some sleep.
After all, Monday was the whole reason for the trip in the first place.
--------------------
Monday I was wide awake by 6:30am. I headed down to get breakfast, and read through the columns I normally do on a Monday morning.
The rest of our group stumbled into the breakfast area over the next hour, and around 9am we set out to get stuff for the tailgate.
(And make another trip to The Green Solution. Priorities.)
After getting back to the hotel about 10:30, we decided to just relax for a couple hours before setting out for fake mile high. I took a 90 minute nap; I can't report on what anyone else did. My nap probably would have gone on for another hour were it not for my phone going off with a text from my boss, asking if I could pick up some Bud Light for her and her group that were going to be meeting up with us to tailgate.
So, after hitting up the gas station for some of that god-awful alcoholic beverage, it was off for fake mile high, at about 1pm.
So let me give you Chiefs fans who b*tch about parking at Arrowhead **** a little hint.
If you think Arrowhead is unbearable to park in?
Try fake mile high.
For starters, you only get (at most) three hours to tailgate. The gates allegedly open at 1:45 for a prime time game. They didn't open in Lot M until 2ish. Also, come about three hours later, the lovely parking nazis come around and force you to begin shutting down your tailgate. Not the Chiefs new policy of "suggesting" you get out by halftime ... you'd better be packed and gone an hour before kickoff. Thirdly, if you think Chiefs parking prices are high? I paid $67 for our vehicle to park ... and underpaid, based on face value of the pass. (Which was $100.)
We pay $35 for 4-5 hours for noon games, 5-6 hours for prime time games, and have no hassles whatsoever if we arrive within an hour of the gates opening. (Which my group always does.)
We paid $67 for 3 hours on Monday night ... and I don't even want to think of what a nightmare it would have been, had the Rockies hosted the NL West Championship Game, instead of LA.
Anyway, we finally got in and started unloading ... and wouldn't you know it? Who appears next to us in my dream car ***** ? Some folks who sit in front of "The Kids" ... and routinely tailgate across the aisle from us in Lot G. #itsasmallworldafterall
After pleasantries all around, and noting they had the bigger grill, the sensible one amongst us (and note: that ain't me), decided we should just merge tailgates and enjoy the day. Which is exactly what we did.
--------------------
(****: I have one more meeting as a member of the Chiefs Fan Focus group, in December. Lay your b*tches upon me, and I will deliver them to the height of the mountain.)
(*****: I think, if I hold out two months and bank that paycheck on the 15th a couple more times, I can justify the expense via writing the largest check of my life as the down payment to get the monthly payment below my rent check ... but yeah, there she is.)
--------------------
About 3pm my boss, her husband, and a few of their friends arrived. I thank God somebody gave me advance warning ... because let's just say, there may or may not have been a pre-rolled being consumed by me at that point. Thankfully, she either (a) enjoys what I do or (b) like me, doesn't give a rip what you do, it was all good, but still.
After consuming a couple really good burgers off Warren's grill, polishing off two bottles of Cook's, and pouring some Windsor into my plastic flask (in addition to the pint of Fireball I packed), I figured it was off for fake mile high.
But first, my boss demanded the four of us "Kids" take a pic, to have a memory of the day.
Who am I to say no?
(image credit: my boss, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Of course, on the walk in, you have to swing through those people's ring of fame. And honestly, they do theirs better than we do ours, in that (a) a non-ticket holder can access it, and (b) actual statues! (Note: the Chiefs have statues too ... just not as well done as those people's are.)
So of course, I had to attempt to defile my two most hated those people, by raising a Chiefs hat over them.
First up? From (Louisville), tom jackson:
(wow, I look so, so sober. And not medicinally high. Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)
And of course, from (Stanford), beelzebub / apollyon / the antichrist himself:
(there are no words to describe my hatred of this demon. Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Once picture time was up, it was head for the gates. And, well ... this happened.
(stevo) (being wanded after passing through a metal detector that he set off)
(security) sir? What is in there? (points to my right bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (sighing in disgust).
(stevo) (hands over fireball pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) yes.
(security) (wands me again)
(security) sir? What is in there? (points to my left bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (really sighing in disgust)
(stevo) (hands over windsor pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) (sighing in disgust) yes.
(security) then enjoy the game.
(stevo) well I'd enjoy it better if you employed the p*ss poor gate security Arrowhead does!
It's one thing to lose one of your "flasks". It's another thing to lose both.
It's really something ... when you've never, in 41 years, 8 months, and 29 days of existence on this planet, NEVER been busted smuggling booze into anyplace, before.
F*ck you, fake mile high.
--------------------
Although, to be fair, I was the moron who left change in both of those pockets, which is what set off the metal detector wand thingy. (Note to self: charge everything on every future road trip. No cash again ever.)
Once through security, I headed for my seat, and found myself in a really cool little bar area those people had set up in Section 120. It had every artisan brew you could want.
Me? I just wanted the one beer I figured there would be zero, zip, nada issue in purchasing at fake mile high. I mean, for Christ's sake, they brew it an hour down the freeway!
That foamy sloppy domestic hot mess known as ... Coors Light.
They had nothing.
No Coors Light to be found.
Semi-disgusted, I settled for a Blue Moon, and headed for my seat.
-------------------
And here is the view, from said seat, when I arrived:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
I sat in 117, 37, 7 ... which is pretty comparable to my seat at Arrowhead (132, 26, 14). I bought my ticket off a those people season ticket member named Elliot (sp?), who will be meeting up and tailgating with us in three weeks ... so please, since I will be late to that game ****** , please?
Be as nice to him and his guest, as he and his brother Eric were to me.
Because I've rarely if ever sat by nicer fans on the road, than these two.
(Sadly, I did not snap a pic of them.)
--------------------
(******: my flight from San Antonio to KC (via Dallas) leaves at 5:07am on that Sunday morning. I swear to Christ, if we get flexed back to 3:25, I'm gonna be livid. Because there were direct flights leaving San Antonio at 9am, that land at KCI at 10:40ish. I chose the one that landed first at KCI on that Sunday, at 8:37am. (It'll be closer to 8:15, wind allowing -- it never takes 97 f*cking minutes to fly from KC to Dallas. Sh*t, even when I made that flight routinely in college twenty years ago, it rarely clocked in at over 65 minutes.)
--------------------
I'll leave the game recaps to people far, far more qualified than me, to, uuh, recap them.
But there is one moment I want to recap.
And it's the moment that opened this post.
--------------------
By now, we all know the play.
The one time in the last twenty some odd painful months (as a Democrat) ... that lefties ruled the land.
I'm talking about 3rd and 6, barely 3 to play, Chiefs down three, near midfield.
The moment that, as Rany so perfectly put it, The Messiah arrived:
--------------------
Go ahead, watch it again. Watch it ten times. Watch it a hundred. God knows I have.
Because it's what you don't get to see on the television view -- what you had to be there, and specifically focused in on the Chiefs sideline (where that play unfolded) to witness?
That made this entire road trip for me.
--------------------
To repeat the top of the post:
He laughed.
That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.
"Fat" Andy laughed.
No, really. One more time, for emphasis.
"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.
As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.
--------------------
"Fat" Andy turned around after that left handed toss for a first down, and was literally doubled over laughing.
I know why he did it. Hell, it's why I did it.
It's the moment he -- and hopefully every one of you reading this that is a Chiefs fan -- realized the theme to the post.
"We've FINALLY had enough!"
From that moment on -- and I am fully aware that involved converting a 2nd and 30 into a touchdown 4 plays later -- there was no doubt who was going to win.
There was no doubt anymore where the balance of power in the AFC West has shifted, for at least a decade to come.
Because if that play works?
What, pray tell, can those people possibly come up with, to stop the Chiefs?
If the Chiefs at their "holy f*cking sh*t, what's happening here?!?!?!" most confused, befuddled, no clue what to do worst, is STILL better than your absolute best? (And I would argue von miller blowing up the pocket in literally one step, then ankle tackling your quarterback eight steps later as he tries to left arm the ball and save the drive, is about as good as it gets for those people)?
If your absolute best cannot top our absolute worst?
Then you're in worse shape than the Army of Northern Virginia on the morning of Monday, April 3, 1865.
And there ain't no President Lincoln about to step in, and give you a generous bailout, for your crimes against humanity, "those people".
--------------------
After the game, we headed back to the car, did some more tailgating, and then headed back to our hotel.
The bar was completely filled up with Chiefs fans.
The bar was supposed to close at midnight (those people time).
It was still going strong when I went to bed a little after 2am (those people time).
Somehow?
I have yet to be charged for a single thing I drank that night.
It's like the Daily Double West.
You gotta love it.
--------------------
The ride back Tuesday was pretty uneventful. Anthony and I watched the replay of the game on my phone in the back seat for about a third of the trip. I finished the USFL book, as well as Clay Travis' book (which, in the interest of full disclosure, other than "being successful", he and I are exactly alike, save for our position on abortion. What we most agree on, is get politics out of sports ASAFP.) I even got caught up on "The Resident" (Jesus, Dr. Bell is so awesomely sleazy, Dr. Michael Mancini is jealous) and "Young Sheldon" (other than "You're The Worst", the funniest show on TV right now).
The highlight was probably on the way out of denver -- in search of a Starbucks, we wound up on some street in yet another seedy, sleazy, slimy, creepy part of town.
And there, on the right, there it was.
The Blue Moon Brewery.
We literally stayed within two miles of Blue Moon's headquarters, and didn't know it.
Who says weed doesn't kill brain cells?
--------------------
We got back to my place a little before 8pm on Tuesday. I called my folks to let them know I made it home safe. Called the Second Parents as well, since they apparently got me something from the Kingdom Show on Tuesday at the HyVee on Noland Road. (Note: given it was Mitch Holtgus' 400th game as Chiefs broadcaster, I'm guessing it's something signed by him. I'll find out Saturday.)
And the only other thing I did before crashing in bed -- save for pouring a solid Weller and Diet ... ok, fine, two of them -- was fire up the broadcast of the game, to see if "Fat" Andy Reid doubled over, laughing at those people's defensive effort against the left handed pass, was something you had to be there to witness ... or something given away for free.
You had to be there, to witness it.
That's why I love this sport, and I love this team, and I love this coach, and I'm about ready to fall down prostrate and worship this quarterback.
Because every week, they're giving us something we ain't never had before, as Chiefs fans.
And that is something?
I am perfectly cool with.
--------------------
I choose to close with this.
Elliot and Eric, the those people stm's I bought my ticket off of, Elliot turned to me after the final replay confirmed an incomplete pass, leading to the final kneel down, and simply said this:
"Godd*mmit, we're your b*tch for the next fifteen years."
Considering we've been yours for the last thirty?
"Well I tell you my friend?
Someday, your world's gonna end.
And as your lies crumble down?
A new life? We have found!"
Because this? Anyone reading this?
This is a site, I never imagined I'd ever witness in person:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Until next time -- (stg. esterhaus voice) Hey!
Let's be careful out there ...
Makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world?
Will bear a consequence.
If you wait around forever?
You will surely drown.
I see what's going down ...
I see the way you go,
And say you're right again --
Say you're right again?!?!?!
Heed my lecture!!!!!
Do you feel like a man?
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now?
As she falls to the ground?
Well I tell you, my friend?
One day? This world's gonna end!
As your lies crumble down?
A new life? She has found!
Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
(We) said -- we've finally hurt enough!
Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
'Cause (we) said?
(We've) FINALLY hurt enough!!!! ..."
-- "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
--------------------
He laughed.
That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.
"Fat" Andy laughed.
No, really. One more time, for emphasis.
"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.
As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.
Because I knew -- as did every person inside the absolute bat sh*t crazy nuthouse that fake mile high was Monday night -- I knew? Just as "Fat" Andy no doubt figured out?
The Chiefs? Our beloved Red and Gold?
Well, you'll have to keep reading.
--------------------
The roadie started about 6am Sunday morning, when I got picked up by the other three driving out for this roadie: "The Kids" of our tailgating group.
The trip out was relatively uneventful. Jaimmie and Anthony took turns driving. I took a nap, then started in on Jeff Pearlman's fantastic new book "Football For a Buck", a fond look back at the wackiness that was the USFL (and the utter bullsh*t lie Donald J. Trump "House of Wings"
It spit rain for about half the trip, from somewhere west of Salina until just before we hit the eastern suburbs of denver. Which honestly, was fine. Because somehow, it improved my cell phone reception, and allowed us to have the Red Zone channel pulled up on my phone, while flipping between the games the CBS and NBC National feeds were providing over DirecTV Now.
I gotta admit, taking a road trip today? Is a helluva lot better than it was, ten years ago.
--------------------
We got into denver a solid hour, seventy minutes before we could check in ... and apparently this was by design. Because as we got off I-70 in one of the sketchiest, shakiest parts of a city I've ever stepped foot in * , there it was, in all its' beautiful glory.
The Green Solution.
Sadly, they did not allow pictures to be taken inside, but I did snap one of the outside:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
This place ... sh*t, 41 year old me was literally drooling. I can only imagine what 31 year old me would have done, at realizing obtaining an herbal product I enjoy is as easy to obtain as (a) show ID, (b) tell your herbalist what you want, and (c) fork over the cash.
Which, I suppose, the only difference between a legal transaction and the way I've bought product the last twenty some odd years is (a) ... and the cops. But still.
There were at least three things on this trip I never imagined I'd live to see in my lifetime. A legalized marijuana dispensary is one of them.
The second one happened, about an hour later.
The third?
Closes this post down.
--------------------
(*: this presumes there is a section of denver that is not sketchy, sleazy, and/or overrun with crime, vermin, and homeless drug addicts who just sh*t and whiz in the streets, San Francisco style. I have yet to encounter, that section of denver. Also, I irrationally hate everything about that place, most especially its' football team, so I'm probably never going to run that place's Chamber of Commerce.)
--------------------
Next step was to check into the hotel, try to catch the late game, and grab some food. (We hadn't really had anything all day, save for coffee and water.) I also had another mission: it was pushing 4pm Kansas City time on a Sunday, and I had yet to have a drop of alcohol. I swear, my left hand was shaking from withdrawal ** .
So, after dumping my bag in my room, I headed down to the lobby to hit up the bar ... only it wasn't open yet. (It didn't open until 4pm denver time). So I made (dave matthews voice) the best of what's around, and headed into the little convenience store there in the lobby of the lovely Clarion Denver Central *** . And lo and behold, they had beer!
Sadly, they only had one kind:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
To answer the Captain Oats in the room ... of course I drank them.
I also puked less than five minutes later. And I mean puked. There was stuff coming up that I ate on Tuesday, those two beers with the logo of those people so thoroughly disgusted my body upon entering it.
Once again, I am the one person in this life, who does not believe in coincidence.
--------------------
(**: usually I'm pushing a .12 by lunch on a typical Sunday.)
(***: this was one neat hotel. In a "holy hell, places like this exist?!?!?!" neat kind of way.)
--------------------
A little after four, we met up in the bar to enjoy some libations and the 49ers / Chargers game. Our bartender was ... well, he was interesting. For starters, he was hitting on me from the moment I walked in, right up to the always classy "can I get you another cock ... (long pause) ... tail?" line every time he hit up our table.
Honestly, I could care less when someone hits on me, irregardless of who they are. I take it as a compliment, to be frank. But this guy just would not stop. I finally reached my breaking point, tabbed out, and headed upstairs for the night to watch the rest of the Steelers game, and try to get some sleep.
After all, Monday was the whole reason for the trip in the first place.
--------------------
Monday I was wide awake by 6:30am. I headed down to get breakfast, and read through the columns I normally do on a Monday morning.
The rest of our group stumbled into the breakfast area over the next hour, and around 9am we set out to get stuff for the tailgate.
(And make another trip to The Green Solution. Priorities.)
After getting back to the hotel about 10:30, we decided to just relax for a couple hours before setting out for fake mile high. I took a 90 minute nap; I can't report on what anyone else did. My nap probably would have gone on for another hour were it not for my phone going off with a text from my boss, asking if I could pick up some Bud Light for her and her group that were going to be meeting up with us to tailgate.
So, after hitting up the gas station for some of that god-awful alcoholic beverage, it was off for fake mile high, at about 1pm.
So let me give you Chiefs fans who b*tch about parking at Arrowhead **** a little hint.
If you think Arrowhead is unbearable to park in?
Try fake mile high.
For starters, you only get (at most) three hours to tailgate. The gates allegedly open at 1:45 for a prime time game. They didn't open in Lot M until 2ish. Also, come about three hours later, the lovely parking nazis come around and force you to begin shutting down your tailgate. Not the Chiefs new policy of "suggesting" you get out by halftime ... you'd better be packed and gone an hour before kickoff. Thirdly, if you think Chiefs parking prices are high? I paid $67 for our vehicle to park ... and underpaid, based on face value of the pass. (Which was $100.)
We pay $35 for 4-5 hours for noon games, 5-6 hours for prime time games, and have no hassles whatsoever if we arrive within an hour of the gates opening. (Which my group always does.)
We paid $67 for 3 hours on Monday night ... and I don't even want to think of what a nightmare it would have been, had the Rockies hosted the NL West Championship Game, instead of LA.
Anyway, we finally got in and started unloading ... and wouldn't you know it? Who appears next to us in my dream car ***** ? Some folks who sit in front of "The Kids" ... and routinely tailgate across the aisle from us in Lot G. #itsasmallworldafterall
After pleasantries all around, and noting they had the bigger grill, the sensible one amongst us (and note: that ain't me), decided we should just merge tailgates and enjoy the day. Which is exactly what we did.
--------------------
(****: I have one more meeting as a member of the Chiefs Fan Focus group, in December. Lay your b*tches upon me, and I will deliver them to the height of the mountain.)
(*****: I think, if I hold out two months and bank that paycheck on the 15th a couple more times, I can justify the expense via writing the largest check of my life as the down payment to get the monthly payment below my rent check ... but yeah, there she is.)
--------------------
About 3pm my boss, her husband, and a few of their friends arrived. I thank God somebody gave me advance warning ... because let's just say, there may or may not have been a pre-rolled being consumed by me at that point. Thankfully, she either (a) enjoys what I do or (b) like me, doesn't give a rip what you do, it was all good, but still.
After consuming a couple really good burgers off Warren's grill, polishing off two bottles of Cook's, and pouring some Windsor into my plastic flask (in addition to the pint of Fireball I packed), I figured it was off for fake mile high.
But first, my boss demanded the four of us "Kids" take a pic, to have a memory of the day.
Who am I to say no?
(image credit: my boss, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Of course, on the walk in, you have to swing through those people's ring of fame. And honestly, they do theirs better than we do ours, in that (a) a non-ticket holder can access it, and (b) actual statues! (Note: the Chiefs have statues too ... just not as well done as those people's are.)
So of course, I had to attempt to defile my two most hated those people, by raising a Chiefs hat over them.
First up? From (Louisville), tom jackson:
(wow, I look so, so sober. And not medicinally high. Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)
And of course, from (Stanford), beelzebub / apollyon / the antichrist himself:
(there are no words to describe my hatred of this demon. Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Once picture time was up, it was head for the gates. And, well ... this happened.
(stevo) (being wanded after passing through a metal detector that he set off)
(security) sir? What is in there? (points to my right bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (sighing in disgust).
(stevo) (hands over fireball pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) yes.
(security) (wands me again)
(security) sir? What is in there? (points to my left bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (really sighing in disgust)
(stevo) (hands over windsor pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) (sighing in disgust) yes.
(security) then enjoy the game.
(stevo) well I'd enjoy it better if you employed the p*ss poor gate security Arrowhead does!
It's one thing to lose one of your "flasks". It's another thing to lose both.
It's really something ... when you've never, in 41 years, 8 months, and 29 days of existence on this planet, NEVER been busted smuggling booze into anyplace, before.
F*ck you, fake mile high.
--------------------
Although, to be fair, I was the moron who left change in both of those pockets, which is what set off the metal detector wand thingy. (Note to self: charge everything on every future road trip. No cash again ever.)
Once through security, I headed for my seat, and found myself in a really cool little bar area those people had set up in Section 120. It had every artisan brew you could want.
Me? I just wanted the one beer I figured there would be zero, zip, nada issue in purchasing at fake mile high. I mean, for Christ's sake, they brew it an hour down the freeway!
That foamy sloppy domestic hot mess known as ... Coors Light.
They had nothing.
No Coors Light to be found.
Semi-disgusted, I settled for a Blue Moon, and headed for my seat.
-------------------
And here is the view, from said seat, when I arrived:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
I sat in 117, 37, 7 ... which is pretty comparable to my seat at Arrowhead (132, 26, 14). I bought my ticket off a those people season ticket member named Elliot (sp?), who will be meeting up and tailgating with us in three weeks ... so please, since I will be late to that game ****** , please?
Be as nice to him and his guest, as he and his brother Eric were to me.
Because I've rarely if ever sat by nicer fans on the road, than these two.
(Sadly, I did not snap a pic of them.)
--------------------
(******: my flight from San Antonio to KC (via Dallas) leaves at 5:07am on that Sunday morning. I swear to Christ, if we get flexed back to 3:25, I'm gonna be livid. Because there were direct flights leaving San Antonio at 9am, that land at KCI at 10:40ish. I chose the one that landed first at KCI on that Sunday, at 8:37am. (It'll be closer to 8:15, wind allowing -- it never takes 97 f*cking minutes to fly from KC to Dallas. Sh*t, even when I made that flight routinely in college twenty years ago, it rarely clocked in at over 65 minutes.)
--------------------
I'll leave the game recaps to people far, far more qualified than me, to, uuh, recap them.
But there is one moment I want to recap.
And it's the moment that opened this post.
--------------------
By now, we all know the play.
The one time in the last twenty some odd painful months (as a Democrat) ... that lefties ruled the land.
I'm talking about 3rd and 6, barely 3 to play, Chiefs down three, near midfield.
The moment that, as Rany so perfectly put it, The Messiah arrived:
--------------------
Go ahead, watch it again. Watch it ten times. Watch it a hundred. God knows I have.
Because it's what you don't get to see on the television view -- what you had to be there, and specifically focused in on the Chiefs sideline (where that play unfolded) to witness?
That made this entire road trip for me.
--------------------
To repeat the top of the post:
He laughed.
That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.
"Fat" Andy laughed.
No, really. One more time, for emphasis.
"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.
As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.
--------------------
"Fat" Andy turned around after that left handed toss for a first down, and was literally doubled over laughing.
I know why he did it. Hell, it's why I did it.
It's the moment he -- and hopefully every one of you reading this that is a Chiefs fan -- realized the theme to the post.
"We've FINALLY had enough!"
From that moment on -- and I am fully aware that involved converting a 2nd and 30 into a touchdown 4 plays later -- there was no doubt who was going to win.
There was no doubt anymore where the balance of power in the AFC West has shifted, for at least a decade to come.
Because if that play works?
What, pray tell, can those people possibly come up with, to stop the Chiefs?
If the Chiefs at their "holy f*cking sh*t, what's happening here?!?!?!" most confused, befuddled, no clue what to do worst, is STILL better than your absolute best? (And I would argue von miller blowing up the pocket in literally one step, then ankle tackling your quarterback eight steps later as he tries to left arm the ball and save the drive, is about as good as it gets for those people)?
If your absolute best cannot top our absolute worst?
Then you're in worse shape than the Army of Northern Virginia on the morning of Monday, April 3, 1865.
And there ain't no President Lincoln about to step in, and give you a generous bailout, for your crimes against humanity, "those people".
--------------------
After the game, we headed back to the car, did some more tailgating, and then headed back to our hotel.
The bar was completely filled up with Chiefs fans.
The bar was supposed to close at midnight (those people time).
It was still going strong when I went to bed a little after 2am (those people time).
Somehow?
I have yet to be charged for a single thing I drank that night.
It's like the Daily Double West.
You gotta love it.
--------------------
The ride back Tuesday was pretty uneventful. Anthony and I watched the replay of the game on my phone in the back seat for about a third of the trip. I finished the USFL book, as well as Clay Travis' book (which, in the interest of full disclosure, other than "being successful", he and I are exactly alike, save for our position on abortion. What we most agree on, is get politics out of sports ASAFP.) I even got caught up on "The Resident" (Jesus, Dr. Bell is so awesomely sleazy, Dr. Michael Mancini is jealous) and "Young Sheldon" (other than "You're The Worst", the funniest show on TV right now).
The highlight was probably on the way out of denver -- in search of a Starbucks, we wound up on some street in yet another seedy, sleazy, slimy, creepy part of town.
And there, on the right, there it was.
The Blue Moon Brewery.
We literally stayed within two miles of Blue Moon's headquarters, and didn't know it.
Who says weed doesn't kill brain cells?
--------------------
We got back to my place a little before 8pm on Tuesday. I called my folks to let them know I made it home safe. Called the Second Parents as well, since they apparently got me something from the Kingdom Show on Tuesday at the HyVee on Noland Road. (Note: given it was Mitch Holtgus' 400th game as Chiefs broadcaster, I'm guessing it's something signed by him. I'll find out Saturday.)
And the only other thing I did before crashing in bed -- save for pouring a solid Weller and Diet ... ok, fine, two of them -- was fire up the broadcast of the game, to see if "Fat" Andy Reid doubled over, laughing at those people's defensive effort against the left handed pass, was something you had to be there to witness ... or something given away for free.
You had to be there, to witness it.
That's why I love this sport, and I love this team, and I love this coach, and I'm about ready to fall down prostrate and worship this quarterback.
Because every week, they're giving us something we ain't never had before, as Chiefs fans.
And that is something?
I am perfectly cool with.
--------------------
I choose to close with this.
Elliot and Eric, the those people stm's I bought my ticket off of, Elliot turned to me after the final replay confirmed an incomplete pass, leading to the final kneel down, and simply said this:
"Godd*mmit, we're your b*tch for the next fifteen years."
Considering we've been yours for the last thirty?
"Well I tell you my friend?
Someday, your world's gonna end.
And as your lies crumble down?
A new life? We have found!"
Because this? Anyone reading this?
This is a site, I never imagined I'd ever witness in person:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)
--------------------
Until next time -- (stg. esterhaus voice) Hey!
Let's be careful out there ...
week five non-chiefs picks
"It's time to play the music!
It's time to light the lights!
It's time to meet the Muppets,
On the Muppet Show Tonight!
It's time to put on makeup!
It's time to dress up right!
It's time to raise the curtain,
On the Muppet Show Tonight!
Why do we always come here?
I guess we'll never know.
It's like a kind of torture,
To have to watch the show!
And now let's get things started!
Why don't you get things started!
It's time to get things started!
On the most sensational!
Inspirational!
Celebrational!
Muppetational!
This is what we call the Muppets Show!!!!!
(gonzo) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-- The Theme from "The Muppet Show Tonight".
--------------------
Last Week SU: 11-4-0.
Season to Date SU: 38-23-2.
Last Week ATS: 7-5-3.
Season to Date ATS: 34-25-4.
Last Week Upset / Week: it's a cover.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-2-0 SU; 2-1-1 ATS.
This Week's Upset / Week: raiders (+6) over "Super" Chargers.
--------------------
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
* at Patriots 30, Colts (+10) 21.
* at Bills (+3 1/2) 19, Titans 14. "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.
* "Shane" Falcons (+3) 34, at Steelers 13.
* at Jets (-1) 24, those people 14.
* at Lions (+1) 31, Packers 23.
* at Browns (+3) 20, Ravens 16.
* at Panthers (-7) 45, Giants 0. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* Dolphins (+6 1/2) 22, at Bengals 20.
* raiders (+6) 31, at "Super" Chargers 20.
* at 49ers (-4 1/2) 13, "Super" Cardinals 6. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Eagles (-3) 34, Vikings 30.
* at Seahawks (+7) 24, Rams 23.
* at Texans (-3) 38, Cowboys 24.
* at Saints 31, Redskins (+6 1/2) 30.
--------------------
Apologies for a second week in a row, for a short picks post. I'm still two recaps behind that I really want to finish and post (the 49ers home game / the those people road trip). In addition, for those of you who don't know who I am ... congratulations! You've won life's lottery! Nah, just kidding. My day job is that I am a reinsurance accountant (trust me, you don't want to know) for a fairly well known Kansas City based insurance company, and I am dealing with month and quarter end right now, so I don't have a lot of free time ... and pretty much burned up all of it with the roadie to denver earlier this week. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course PTO wasn't the only thing I burned in denver earlier this week! Come on! I was lit by 4:20 local time the day I arrived for crying out loud!
So once again, my profound apologies. Hopefully Week Six will be better ... but it'll probably be Week Seven before things get back to normal around here. (Namely, I type this post up while enjoying the Drink O' The Week on Wednesday night.)
Chiefs / Jags thoughts, comments, and pick coming by Saturday evening. (For what it's worth, I'm 4-0 both SU and ATS picking the Chiefs this year ... and 1-0 picking them as the Upset O' The Week. Which doesn't apply on Sunday. But still. #dialedin)
Also, by Saturday midday we might have a clue regarding The Tailgating Plans. (If you aren't from KC ... there's a 100% chance of rain Saturday, a 90% chance of rain Sunday, and a 75% chance of rain Monday here. That ... that's not good, when you sit outside of the overhang in the lower bowl, as I do.)
Oh, and the reason for your theme to this post? Really? You have to ask?
Of all the reasons to irrationally love this man?
I am no longer the owner of THE weirdest, worst sounding voice in the Kansas City metropolitan area! Woo me! Yay Stevo! Go Kermie! I mean, go Mahomie!
(Also, admit it -- I look even hotter today, than I did then. #aginglikeafinewine)
It's time to light the lights!
It's time to meet the Muppets,
On the Muppet Show Tonight!
It's time to put on makeup!
It's time to dress up right!
It's time to raise the curtain,
On the Muppet Show Tonight!
Why do we always come here?
I guess we'll never know.
It's like a kind of torture,
To have to watch the show!
And now let's get things started!
Why don't you get things started!
It's time to get things started!
On the most sensational!
Inspirational!
Celebrational!
Muppetational!
This is what we call the Muppets Show!!!!!
(gonzo) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-- The Theme from "The Muppet Show Tonight".
--------------------
Last Week SU: 11-4-0.
Season to Date SU: 38-23-2.
Last Week ATS: 7-5-3.
Season to Date ATS: 34-25-4.
Last Week Upset / Week: it's a cover.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-2-0 SU; 2-1-1 ATS.
This Week's Upset / Week: raiders (+6) over "Super" Chargers.
--------------------
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
* at Patriots 30, Colts (+10) 21.
* at Bills (+3 1/2) 19, Titans 14. "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.
* "Shane" Falcons (+3) 34, at Steelers 13.
* at Jets (-1) 24, those people 14.
* at Lions (+1) 31, Packers 23.
* at Browns (+3) 20, Ravens 16.
* at Panthers (-7) 45, Giants 0. "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.
* Dolphins (+6 1/2) 22, at Bengals 20.
* raiders (+6) 31, at "Super" Chargers 20.
* at 49ers (-4 1/2) 13, "Super" Cardinals 6. "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
* at Eagles (-3) 34, Vikings 30.
* at Seahawks (+7) 24, Rams 23.
* at Texans (-3) 38, Cowboys 24.
* at Saints 31, Redskins (+6 1/2) 30.
--------------------
Apologies for a second week in a row, for a short picks post. I'm still two recaps behind that I really want to finish and post (the 49ers home game / the those people road trip). In addition, for those of you who don't know who I am ... congratulations! You've won life's lottery! Nah, just kidding. My day job is that I am a reinsurance accountant (trust me, you don't want to know) for a fairly well known Kansas City based insurance company, and I am dealing with month and quarter end right now, so I don't have a lot of free time ... and pretty much burned up all of it with the roadie to denver earlier this week. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course PTO wasn't the only thing I burned in denver earlier this week! Come on! I was lit by 4:20 local time the day I arrived for crying out loud!
So once again, my profound apologies. Hopefully Week Six will be better ... but it'll probably be Week Seven before things get back to normal around here. (Namely, I type this post up while enjoying the Drink O' The Week on Wednesday night.)
Chiefs / Jags thoughts, comments, and pick coming by Saturday evening. (For what it's worth, I'm 4-0 both SU and ATS picking the Chiefs this year ... and 1-0 picking them as the Upset O' The Week. Which doesn't apply on Sunday. But still. #dialedin)
Also, by Saturday midday we might have a clue regarding The Tailgating Plans. (If you aren't from KC ... there's a 100% chance of rain Saturday, a 90% chance of rain Sunday, and a 75% chance of rain Monday here. That ... that's not good, when you sit outside of the overhang in the lower bowl, as I do.)
Oh, and the reason for your theme to this post? Really? You have to ask?
Of all the reasons to irrationally love this man?
I am no longer the owner of THE weirdest, worst sounding voice in the Kansas City metropolitan area! Woo me! Yay Stevo! Go Kermie! I mean, go Mahomie!
(Also, admit it -- I look even hotter today, than I did then. #aginglikeafinewine)
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