Wednesday, December 26, 2012

chiefs! colts! where stevo on bended knee, ring in hand, happens ...


“I let ‘em in! I --
Oh man, I let ‘em win.
I’ve burned my house down,
Just to hear them scream my name.

I carried hopes,
And heavy daydreams,
She said, but
I’m done with sleeping.

Take the phone calls!
Take this circus!
Take the drama, ‘cause baby
It’s, it’s just – it’s worthless.

This modern love?  Is not enough!
She said, watch your back,
Cause I’m nobody’s girlfriend.
This modern love?  Is not enough!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
They said one big exhale
Never did me no good …”


--------------------------------------

And that … for all intents and purposes, closes out the worst season in franchise history, an absolutely disgraceful 20-13 defeat to the Colts, as the Chiefs become the first team in NFL history to rush for 350 yards in a game, and lose.  And hell, they didn’t just lose – they never led.

Was this season worth it?  Of course not.  The Chiefs lost by 14 or more points in at least half their games, regardless what happens in denver next week.  (The roll call?  Falcons (16), Bills (18), Chargers (17), Bucs (28), Chargers (18), Bengals (22), Browns (23), raiders (15).  Oy.)  Our bitter rival is one very doable combination of games (Colts win at home, donkeys win at home) away from having home field advantage throughout the playoffs, from entering the postseason on an eleven game winning streak … and keep in mind, the Chiefs haven’t won 11 games in a season, period, in a freaking decade.  Hell, if you combine the last two Chiefs seasons?  The best we can do, is 10 wins.

We’ve endured a season where both quarterbacks have been benched for the other, and yet the third option, the only option this current regime drafted?  Can’t get on the field.  We’ve wasted one of the greatest seasons at the running back position ever submitted (by Jamaal Charles).  And sadly, we’ve seen human waste at it’s most ugly and brutal, via the murder / suicide by Chiefs LB Jovan Belcher.

The Chiefs have at least five games (out of fifteen so far) in which we’ve failed to score an offensive touchdown: Ravens (two field goals), Bucs (one defensive TD, one field goal), Bengals (two field goals), broncos (three field goals), and raiders (no points period).  Throw in two more games in which our only touchdown came in garbage time while trailing by at least 17 points (vs raiders, at Chargers), and literally, in half the games we played this season, we had no chance to win from the opening kickoff.

The Chiefs had the lead in exactly five games this season: at Steelers (for 21:21 of the first half), vs Bengals (for 5:40 in the first quarter), vs broncos (for 26:56 in the first three quarters), vs Panthers (for 7:56 of the first half, and incredibly, all 30:00 of the second half), and at Browns (for 15:08 of the first and second quarters).  That’s it.  Out of 908:33 of football the Chiefs have played in the 2012 season, they’ve led for … wait for it … 107:01.  Out of 908:33.  I think my four year old nephew’s pony league soccer team managed more lead time this fall, than the Chiefs did.

And yet, I know that when the season dawns anew come next August … I’ll still be there, still clinging to my blind, delusional faith that this is the year.

Because no matter what Clark Hunt and his clueless ownership gives us, there’s one thing they cannot take from us.  There’s one thing they cannot destroy, and that is the special, amazing relationships that being a paying customer of his broken franchise has given to myself, and so many of you who read this every week for my take on what happened.  There’s something to be said, for knowing that every week, the same people will be lined up at the gates at 7:30 right along with you, ready to head in and make a day of it.  There’s definitely something to be said for the people I’ve sat by for well over a decade now (even if I did have to sneak down this year from my relocated seats.) 

That’s what I will remember the 2012 Chiefs season for.  Much like how I will remember all of 2012.  In my personal life, this year revealed more than any other who my true friends are, and thank God I surrounded myself with so many amazing people.  I feel that way about my Chiefs family as well.  I love that Chris can yell out “(Insert QB Here)’s Pass”, knowing I’ll immediately scream “was IN!  COM!  PLETE!”, and Ray will drop the “waa waa waa waa!” line from the single most annoying, yet fun to do, chant in professional sports.  Only three of us rode out on the Bus today.  Yeah, the core group has somewhat fallen apart as this abortion of a season has unfolded.  

But by 10am?  There were almost 30 people there, marveling in amazement that our group, our tailgating spot, our Bus -- us! -- were going to be featured on an episode airing in mid-January of “Ultimate Tailgaters” on the Travel Channel.

Oh, and by 3pm, a mere five hours later? 

I was engaged.

(cue every reader spitting out his adult beverage at reading that).  Wait, what?!?!?!  Are you … WHAT?!?!?!

What can I say -- sometimes?  This “modern love” is enough.  

And one big exhale can do you some good!

(cue every reader slapping themselves stupid) WHAT?!?!?! 

As always, the answers lay inside the recap, about to unfold below …

* Only three of us rode out Sunday morning.  We left a little bit before 7am.  And for the first 40, 45 minutes in front of the gates, it was a perfectly normal morning – we got stuff ready for the tailgate, played some music, finished putting songs onto the iPod for the day, enjoyed a libation or three.  And then, right as I started to open the door to head down and secure our usual spot, a very nice lady named Cecilia asked if we would mind if she and her recording crew filmed us once we got set up.  We had no idea who it was for, but hell – we’re the folks that Justin Robinson targeted for the better part of a decade for his live reports on Channel 9 every gameday morning, because he knew he could mooch a couple donuts and some spiked hot chocolate from us.  What’s one more camera?  All I knew was, they kept referring to filming us for “the show”.  OK, whatever.

* So we get set up, and we made sure to get everything perfectly laid out (if you’ve ever tailgated with us, you know the table area is usually a complete f*cking catastrophe, stuff everywhere, no rhyme or reason to it whatsoever), and this Cecilia chick and her crew show up about 8:30am.  And for the next 90 minutes, myself, Russ, Mona, and (eventually) Ray, were filmed to be on the show “Ultimate Tailgaters”.  They were meticulous.  (Note to self: good job, Stevo, on not drinking screwdrivers early today!)  They asked a ton of pointed questions.  We even had to do a couple takes on our answers at times.

(cecilia and someone on her crew.  pic: me, via my snapp camera.)

They filmed everything, and I mean everything.  Russ gave them a full on tour of every aspect of the Bus.  They filmed every corner of our tailgate.  Those of you who know me best, know I am camera shy.  I hate being the center of attention.  But today?  I loved it.  I got to represent the team I love, and the thing I love (tailgating) more than anything that isn’t a human being, and I think I did a damned good job in doing both.

(the ultimate tailgaters camera guys.  pic: me via my snapp camera).

I just can’t wait to see how they botch the spelling of either (or both) my first and last names**.

The three highlights:

(1) Having to sign a release form.  I felt like I’d arrived.  It had to be the first time in my life I’ve signed a release form, that either wasn’t (a) to a bail bondsman, or (b) to release me from some penal system on my own recognizance.  Honestly, it was kind of surreal – the legalese on these things is ridiculous. 

(2) the mic / sound boom.  The way they set up the filming, you honestly felt like you were in a studio.  They had the boom mic, complete with shag carpeting cover.  Insane.  And

(3) I wore the mistletoe today (and it worked spectacularly well!  Visual evidence ahead!)  And then realizing about ten minutes after Cecilia and her crew left … that I’ll now be “that tool” who’ll be on national TV next month, wearing a damned clove of mistletoe on his head.  As Ray put it, “well, at least there’ll be no doubt which one is you!”  As I responded, “yeah – I’m the asshat wearing a f*cking flower on my head!”  (Laughs all around.) 

From what we were told, the episode will air Conference Championship weekend on the Travel Channel (which would be January 18-20, 2013), so check your local listings.  (Note to self: confirm I actually get the Travel Channel.)

(**: I had the same English teacher my sophomore and senior year in high school.  Hell, I was the damned editor of the yearbook under her watch my senior year, for crying out loud … and she misspelled BOTH my first AND last name EVERY.  FREAKING.  DAY.  (peter griffin voice) Cracked.)

* the only drawback to filming?  Of COURSE they arrived right in the middle of “One Toke Over the Line” by Brewer and Shipley.  For filming’s sake, they requested we pause the stereo until they were done.  So we got the first chorus and verse … and then had to wait 90 minutes for the finish.  (dusty voice) oh come on Stevo, you’ve never taken 90 minutes to finish anything (rimshot!) 

* The rest of tailgating started uneventfully … until “The Crush” and her crew showed up.  And Good Lord, did they show up.  I’m honestly not certain which “picture” her sister posed for was my favorite: either (a) humping the parking cone, or (b) drinking out of a strategically placed beer bottle on the dude with her.  I lean (a), it was laugh out loud funny.  But (b) brought the house down.  I love drunk people who have no inhibitions.  (dusty voice) Of course you do Stevo – it’s the only way you get any (rimshot!)  Oy.

* Shocking development – I actually got a $20 for my extra today!  Dr. Frank was going to use it, but had something come up last night and had to bail.  So this guy comes strolling through the tailgate while Cecilia and her crew are filming, asking for a ticket.  This was our conversation:

(random dude) any of you guys have an extra?
(stevo) (seeing an opportunity to get beer money) I do!
(random dude) how much?
(stevo) how much are you willing to pay?
(random dude) how much do you want?
(stevo) (knowing I’d accept $0.00) how much are you offering?
(random dude) I won’t go above $20.
(stevo) (a little too enthusiastically) SOLD!!!  (happily reaches in wallet and hands him STH card).
(random dude) (hands over $20)
(random dude) (light bulb comes on)
(random dude) you’d have just given this to me, wouldn’t you?
(stevo) nah.  I’d at least have asked you to say “thank you” for the privilege of watching the Chiefs play.
(random dude) (best one liner of the day) I’d rather give you the $20.

I love people that are total smart asses.

* Upset of the day?  No vodka.  Thankfully “The Crush” had a bottle.  Seriously, I had almost nothing to drink yesterday.  I had three spiked hot chocolates in the first three hours I was there, then two mimosas over the next 90 minutes, and I had two Pale Ales during the game.  That’s usually my 8-9am menu on most gamedays. 

* “The Voice of Reason” was there, and the highlight of his weekend, according to him?  Was finally getting a legitimate night’s sleep last night, probably for the first time since his daughter was born four months ago.  Reason Numero Uno why I’m never having children: I need to sleep in until at least 5:15 every morning.  This 3am feeding / diaper changing crap is NOT for me.

* Forgot to mention, the funniest thing from our fantasy football season, well other than my sad ass roster, is that when “The Voice of Reason” (who’s our league commissioner) sent out the “you still need to pay” email, for the first time in pushing a decade, I was amongst the “already paid” column … as was Jasson.  We’re usually the last two to pay, under the whole “well, if I win more than I owe, I never have to write the check” theory.  team tito version 1.0 went 3-11 this year.  I wasn’t winning anything, other than the toilet bowl trophy that I’ve argued for a decade should go to the last place team.

* The last song to play before we shut the tailgate down?  “Dancing on the Ceiling”.  I knew right then and there we weren’t winning today.

* Oh – proof the mistletoe worked:

(admit it, any ladies reading this: you are so effing jealous of "the crush" right now, I'm that damned sexy.  pic: megan's sister jenny, via my snapp camera.)

* Don’t have much to say about the game, honestly.  Quinn’s pick six was one of the five worst throws I’ve ever witnessed in person.  I have absolutely no idea who or what he saw when he threw that ball.  On the Chiefs next possession (or maybe it was their second possession after the pick six), Quinn missed a layup screen pass to Charles that would have been a touchdown.  There was noone in front of him.  Quinn overthrew him by six yards … ON A SCREEN PASS. 

Quinn had 3 INT’s, and a horrendous non-convert on 4th and 1.  Jamaal Charles had 210 plus yards, true … but one killer fumble lost, and a second that was clearly a fumble, yet Ron Winter’s crew stupidly ruled him down by contact.  Jon Baldwin had one good play, a 57 yard gain in which he was so wide open, I’d have had a 60/40 shot at making the catch, and there’s a reason why this site used to refer to Samie Parker as “Hands of Steve” – because I suck at catching the ball.  Ryan Succup missed yet another makeable field goal (although to be fair … well, hell, there was no wind in there today.  Missing from 43 is inexcusable in weather conditions like today.)  Even Dusty C had a couple brain fart punts.  Terrence Copper damned near got decapitated returning a kickoff.  Devon Wylie has no business returning punts. 

I counted at least four “Stanzi!” chants, and seriously, what possible reason is there to NOT play Stanzi?  Let’s say Stanzi is as sh*ttacular as he appears to be.  SO WHAT?  You need one more loss to clinch the first number one overall pick in franchise history!  If Stanzi is WORSE than Quinn and Cassel?  Then get his ass out there!  This is all about Tankapalooza 2012 now!

* My five favorite Tweets / texts during the Chiefs game:

5. Forget who tweeted this, but showed it to everyone in 132 to laughs all around.  “Today, we have replaced the Kansas City Chiefs with Folgers Crystal coffee.  Let’s see who can tell the difference …”

4. From @HisDirknesS, who’s a big Arrowhead Pride contributor: “Halftime bong hits!”, when asked how to cope with the first half.  Brought 132 down in laughter.  And made me wish said bong hits were readily available.

3. Me to Damien, when he noted that if we had anything under center, we’d be up 31-3 entering the fourth quarter: “You would be an upgrade right now, and I’m accounting for the 11 Coors Lights you’d have already had.”

2. From @SaveOurChiefs: “The Chiefs are now the first NFL team to ever lose after gaining more than 350 yards in rushing.”  Impressive!  But by far and away my favorite:

1. From Gary Lezak: “This is the best Chiefs game in over a year.  They are playing so hard.  This is fun to watch.”

Now, in fairness to Mr. Lezak, who is a long-time season ticket holder over in 130 … dear God Gary.  Have you lost your freaking mind?  What exactly was “fun” about watching the Chiefs thoroughly whip up on the Colts in every way, other than the one that matters (scoreboard)?

* But in a season this ridiculous, this outrageous, this over the top … of course, it couldn’t end there.

Because there were three more impressive things that happened in the fourth quarter today, all three of which I’d never witnessed, or been a participant to, before.

First, some dude four rows in front of us, was so drunk, that emergency assistance had to be called.  And he literally was carried up the aisle between 131 / 132 on a stretcher.  I mean, I recall a KU Football game a few years ago, when a sorority girl was so drunk, that emergency personnel each grabbed a limb and helped her out, but never a stretcher.

Second, KC Wolf helped some dude propose to his girlfriend in 131 at the end of the third quarter.  Yes, let that sink in – a freaking mascot helped a dude propose to his girlfriend, at a Chiefs game, at the end of the worst season in franchise history.  Now, considering that up to this moment in time, I have never been party to a marriage proposal?  I’m just guessing that having a NFL mascot that looks like a rat / mouse* hybrid posing as a wolf, would NOT be how I’d want said proposal to go down.

(*: the neat Colts fans who sat behind me, the guy’s girlfriend or wife, couldn’t figure out what the hell KC Wolf was supposed to be.  “Whatever that is, it ain’t a wolf!”  We finally settled on a rat / mouse hybrid.)

I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.  “The Crush”, who sat next to me all day, and the nice Colts fan behind us, get into a solid ten minute conversation over how NOT to propose.  Needless to say, neither one was a fan of what we witnessed.

Which set in motion, THE intentional comedy moment of a lifetime.  Namely, as Megan was going off about how crappy this proposal was, and how she’d never say yes to any proposal made in that manner …

(mona) you have to!
(stevo) (thinking the same thing) oh hell yes!
(stevo) (light bulb turns on) but I need a ring!
(chris) here!  (hands me the gorgeous gold band with diamond set ring on her finger)
(stevo) well, the worst she can do is say no!
(ray) (playing the dusty role) wouldn’t be the first time you’ve heard that word!
(entire section) (laughs all around)

So I wait for my moment, and after Megan ends her fifteen minute diatribe (and it was a SOLID fifteen minutes) … she finally pauses for a moment, and then grabs me by the shoulder and goes “you agree with me, right Steve?”

Which led to this:

(stevo) of course I do!
(stevo) (hits his knee)
(stevo) hey, honey?  I got something to ask you.
(megan) (in utter shock)
(stevo) (extends ring) uuh … chica?  Will you marry me?
(megan) yes!  yes! 
(megan) (literally knocks me three seats over with a massive hug)
(megan) (plants long kiss on me)

So let me put this in perspective.  The girl I’ve had a massive crush on since the first time I ever laid eyes on her, at a preseason game against the Dolphins in 2007 … has just said “yes!” to my offer to be Mrs. Stevo!!!  Now, granted, it wasn’t a serious proposition*, but still.  Which led to arguably the best one liner of my life:

(megan) but I haven’t even met your mom!
(stevo) oh, she’ll love you.  She’ll love you! 
(megan) really?
(stevo) sure!  She can have a true Christian wedding this way!  Because we haven’t even had sex yet!
(everyone) (laughing their asses off)
(stevo) uuh, that was a hint, chica.
(megan) it’s not happening, Ste --
(stevo) damn.
(megan) – vo!  Today anyways.

(*: yeah, right.)

And that, peoples and peepettes, is about as damned perfect of a finish to this disaster of a season, that can be dreamed up: “The Crush” says “yes!” to being Mrs. Stevo … but without the funnest part of a committed relationship ... or a random "why not" ending to a Friday night at the Eclipse.  Oy.   I swear.

* The rest of the game, as predictable as possible.  The Colts score with four minutes to play.  The Chiefs go three and out, then give up a 3rd and 12 to seal the defeat at the two minute warning.

* Postgame, not much to report.  We actually got out of the stadium within about two minutes of getting back to the Bus.  First game all season we haven’t had to take the back way home – 40 was wide, wide open all the way to Sterling.  And thus concluded yet another season of the home portion of Chiefs tailgating and football.  

One game to go, and just like last year's finale, we're reduced as Chiefs fans to rooting for a bad football team to roo-een denver's postseason plans.  I am going to try to have my Chiefs season ending grades, reflections, thoughts, and other assorted ramblings (as with past years) up by the end of next week.  I can’t promise much posting between now and then.  I am unfortunately dealing with some stuff at work (that’s noone’s fault) that has knocked my social life from “lame” to “non-existant” over the last month, and if anything, I envision things getting worse over the next four to six weeks.  And considering I worked for three hours on Christmas night, versus finishing this recap, that’s pathetic.

So until the next time we meet up, stay safe.  This season is all over, except for the consequences the architects of this abysmal failure have to face, hopefully starting Sunday night ...  

Saturday, December 22, 2012

mixology 2012 part ocho: the colts

"Someday at Christmas?
Men won't be boys,
Playing with bombs
Like kids play with toys.
One warm December?
Our hearts will see,
A world where men are free.

Someday at Christmas?
There'll be no wars!
When we have learned
What Christmas is for?
When we have found
What life's really worth?
There'll be peace on earth!

Someday all our dreams will come to be!
Someday in a world where men are free!
Maybe not in time for you and me,
But someday at Christmastime!
Someday at Christmastime!"

-- "Someday at Christmas" by Stevie Wonder.

----------------------------

Sorry there was no Mixology Part Siete.  You'll have to forgive me if my mind wasn't quite focused on football and tailgating the day before the Panthers game.

Well, this season is almost over.  One last disaster to suffer through at home, and one last thirty point defeat on the road to endure.  Let's check out in style.

Here's the playlist for the final tailgate of the season.  I sincerely hope every Chiefs fan shows up tomorrow.  Truly, I mean that.  If I had my extra (Dr. Frank is using it), I'd offer it to anyone who wanted it.  (Oh wait, I already did).  Look it, whatever you think of this season -- and God knows, you couldn't hate it more than I did if you tried -- whatever you think?

It's time to heal, guys.  We know Pioli and Crennel are gone.  We know we're getting wholesale changes designed to return this team to it's soul and it's core.  I honestly hope we win tomorrow.  I want to blow the number one pick, to send Romeo Crennel out a winner, which is what he is, in the things that truly count in life.  That man ... godd*mmit, that man deserves a sold out stadium, clad in red, cheering him as a person, as a man.  (Not as a head coach.  Gotta be clear on that.)

I've gone from calling that man "Coach Baffoon" four weeks ago ... to knowing I'll probably cry as I'm giving him a final round of applause when the clock strikes all zeroes tomorrow.  Peoples and peepettes?  If this is your team?  If you love the Red and Gold even 2/1000ths as much as I do?  Show up tomorrow.  You know tickets will be dirt cheap.  Hell, they're on Stubhub right now for as low as $3.

If you can show up and cheer our team one more time, do it.  You won't regret it.  And wear red -- because it is time to heal, it's time to forgive, it's time to reflect on what matters, and set aside all the petty stupid sh*t, and simply embrace the team we love, as they reach the end of the worst season of all time for them.

Here's the playlist, starting with the holdovers and obvious choices from the last Mixology list, and any comments I choose to make:

1. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" by the Animals.
2. "Let It Be" by the Beatles.  Possibly the most underrated moment from the Panthers tailgate, and I didn't even mention it in the 16 page recap -- when this song came on, and the entire tailgate just busted out singing along.  Group therapy -- it's underrated.
3. "Sexual Healing" by Ben Harper.  Yeah, this is underrated too (rimshot!)
4. "No Diggity" by Blackstreet (featuring Dr. Dre).
5. "The More I Drink" by Blake Shelton.
6. "Lido Shuffle" by Boz Skaggs.
7. "One Toke Over the Line" by Brewer and Shipley.
8. "Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen.
9. "Lucky Town" by Bruce Springsteen.
10. "Word Up" by Cameo.
11. "Down On the Corner" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
12. "Up Around the Bend" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
13. "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe.
14. "(Don't You) Forget About Me", cover by David Cook.
15. "The Time Of My Life" by David Cook.
16. "Layla", original version, by Derek and the Dominoes.
17. "Down With the Sickness" by Disturbed.
18. "Hotel California" by the Eagles (live "Hell Freezes Over" version).
19. "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.
20. "Drink In My Hand" by Eric Church.  Well duh -- we'll be at a Chiefs game, after all.
21. "Layla", unplugged version, by Eric Clapton.  Can you believe it's been 20 years since Clapton's Unplugged CD came out?  And I STILL don't know which version I like better.  And yes, I still find it hysterical that a certain friend known as "The Champ" had no clue this was not the original version of the song.  Kids.
22. "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac.  And I'm adding one by the Mac --
23. "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)", by Fleetwood Mac (live "The Dance" version).
24. "We Are Young" by .fun.
25. "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter.
26. "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" by Gary Portnoy.
27. "Dream Weaver" by Gary Wright.
28. "What Is Life" by George Harrison.
29. "I Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison.
30. "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye.
31. "Maneater" by Hall and Oates.
32. "Out of Touch, Out of Time" by Hall and Oates.  Of all their great ones ... this one is my favorite.
33. "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates.
34. "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates.
35. "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" by the Hollies.
36. "Shout!" by the Isley Brothers.  Allow me to once again express my outrage that iTunes doesn't have Otis Day's version from "Animal House" available to buy.  Hang on, let me check real quick to make sure this outrage hasn't turned into a Chrismukkah miracle ... OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, IT'S THERE!!!!  Oh hell to the mo' fo' yes!!!  So let me use this scratch through feature ...
36. "Shout!" by Otis Day and the Knights (from "Animal House").  Merry Chrismukkah!!!!  A lil' bit softer now ... a lil' bit louder now!  Hey Hey Hey Hey!  (Hey Hey Hey Hey!)  And yes, I absolutely just spent the last 4:13 dancing appropriately to this song, and fist pumping during the "Hey!" portion.
37. "Somebody to Love" by Jefferson Airplane.
38. "I Got a Name" by Jim Croce.
39. "Work" by Jimmy Eat World.
40. "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.
41. "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off" by Joe Nichols.
42. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.
43. "Open Arms" by Journey.
44. "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane.
45. "Luckenbach, Texas", cover by Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney.
46. "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins.
47. "What I Like About You" by the Kinks.
48. "Fresh" by Kool and the Gang.
49. "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.
50. "Jump!" by Kris Kross.
51. "Yeah!" by Usher, featuring Lil' Jon and Ludacris.
52. "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park.
53. "Penny Lover" by Lionel Richie.  It's gonna be 34 degrees tomorrow.  I ain't walking home.
54. "Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel Richie.  Can a kid dream?  Two games in a row?
55. "Borderline" by Madonna.
56. "Shining Star" by the Manhattans.
57. "Every Monday" by the Marvelous 3.  Still the most criminitely, grousely underrated song of all time.
58. "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.
59. "Electric Feel" by MGMT.
60. "Kids" by MGMT.
61. "Time to Pretend" by MGMT.
62. "Daydream Believer" by the Monkees.
63. "Bye Bye Bye" by NSYNC.
64. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.
65. "Stand By Me", cover by Otis Redding.
66. "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace.  For the 11th straight year, it stands on the last day of the year, as my favorite song of all time.
67. "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.
68. "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey.
69. "Home" by Phillip Phillips, which is bar none my favorite song of 2012.
70. "Boom!" by POD.
71. "Killer Queen" by Queen.
72. "Go All the Way" by the Raspberries.  Yes, please!
73. "Super Freak" by Rick James.
74. "Get Off Of My Cloud" by the Rolling Stones.
75. "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones.
76. "Mixed Emotions" by the Rolling Stones.
77. "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones.  "Vanity.  DEFINITELY my favorite sin!"  If anyone can identify what movie that's the closing line to, as this song plays?  I'll make you the best bloody mary you've ever had, if you show up tomorrow.
78. "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.
79. "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.
80. "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison.
81. "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg.  I'm about to turn 36 ... and I still think one of the funniest moments of my life, was seeing Snoopy riding around the stage on a tricycle, with a gigantic marijuana leaf hanging in the background, as he was getting baked out of his mind while performing this song.  In his defense?  The only thing that I wasn't doing the exact same way at that point, was that I was just standing, I wasn't on a tricycle.
82. "Faded" by soul Decision.
83. "Strangehold" by Ted Nugent.
84. "F*ck Her Gently" by Tenacious D.  Brought the house down when this came on at the Panthers game.
85. "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston.
86. "All or Nothing" by Theory of a Deadman.
87. "Out Of My Head" by Theory of a Deadman.
88. "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.
89. "I Like It, I Love It" by Tim McGraw.
90. "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
91. "Save Me, San Francisco!" by Train.
92. "Downfall" by TRUST Company.
93. "Beautiful Day" by U2.
94. "Toes" by the Zac Brown Band.
95. "Down" by 311.
96. "The Rising" by Bruce Springsteen.
97. "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas.  YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE!!!!
98. "Aw!  The denver broncos!" by Homer J. Simpson.
99. "Black Betty" by Ram Jam.
100. "Tailfeather" by Nelly.

Those are the holdovers.  That leaves 40 slots, give or take a couple, to toss onto the iPod.  Here's what's new, and the last few slots will be filled at tonight's pre-party, or on the ride out tomorrow to the game.  As always, if you're coming and have a request, let me know -- I'll toss it on there, no matter how awful it is.  (Hey, I gave Boasheao some sh*t, and I mean sh*t, it was that atrocious, by some band called AWOLNATION.  It was beyond awful.  But I put three songs by these no-talent hacks on there anyways.  Because I'm a nice guy like that.)

101. "Dirty Little Secret" by the All American Rejects.  Should have been on there from game uno.
102. "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys.  DJ won't be there, so I can finally get away with this.  "Tell me why (ain't nothing but a false start!)  Tell me why (ain't nothing but a penalty!)  Tell me why (I never want to hear you say!)  Ed-Ward Hoch-U-Li!!!!"

(Yes, once upon a time, I re-wrote the words of this song, as a tribute to Ed Hochuli.  I also somehow managed to turn "Beaches of Cheyenne" into a Dick Hantak tribute.  I really, really wish I still had access sometimes to my old Transamerica sent items folder, if only for an hour.  There were some golden, golden moments that are sadly lost forever, that I really wish in hindsight I'd remembered to save ...)

103. "And Your Bird Can Sing" by the Beatles (Anthology version).  I hope this pops up.  If you've never heard it, John and Paul are baked off their asses, and completely lose it while trying to record this ... only they kept rolling through the whole song.  It's awesome.
104. "Pretty Good At Drinkin' Beer" by Billy Currington.  Well, duh.
105. "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.  It's the last game of the season.  I love, love, love the Colton Dixon version ... but for one game, the original gets the call.
106. "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley.  Along with ...
107. "Ticks" by Brad Paisley.  Another priceless moment in life I'll always cherish -- we were down at the lake for the weekend, it's Sunday, and me, DJ, and Doc are headed back home, and this song comes on.  Me and Doc are loving it, and DJ, out of nowhere when the song is over: "I don't get it.  Why would anyone want to check someone for ticks?"  Champ -- sometimes, you're just too damned funny for your own good.
108. "It's Not Over" by Daughtry.  Sadly ... it is.  At least for the Chiefs in 2012.
109. "The Space Between Us" by Dave Matthews Band.  Can't believe they rarely made an appearance on Mixology 2012.  My favorite song by them.
110. "Sugar We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy.
111. "Float On" by the Floaters.  "Take my hand -- come with me baby, to Loveland!"  Never gets old.
112. "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw.  Along with ...
113. "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw.  Along with ...
114. "In Love With a Girl" by Gavin DeGraw.  You pick which one is the best.  (Hint: it's the second one ... but they all rule.)
115. "Flake" by Jack Johnson.
116. "Up On the Roof" by James Taylor.
117. "In My Head" by Jason Derulo.
118. "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz.
119. "Time After Time", cover by Javier Colon.
120. "Like I Love You" by Justin Timberlake.  His first single ... and still his best.
121. "Summer Love" by Justin Timberlake.  Although this one rocks the joint too.
122. "I Know You're Out There Somewhere" by the Moody Blues.  Along with ...
123. "In Your Wildest Dreams" by the Moody Blues.  That's for you, Chris.
124. "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons.  This song grows on you.
125. "California" by Phantom Planet.
126. "Go To Extremes" by Billy Joel.

And my final initial selection:

127. "Right Here, Right Now" by Van Halen.  God, the memories this song holds.  "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!  This is Dan Roberts, welcoming you to Arrowhead Stadium, the loudest stadium in the NFL!  For today's featured matchup between (insert team here) and your Kansas City?  CHIEFS!!!!  On behalf of Lamar Hunt, Norma Hunt, the Hunt Family, and Carl Peterson, we welcome you, and thank you for your attendance at today's game.  And now, please join me in welcoming Tony DiPardo, Patti DiPardo-Livergood, and the TD Pack Band!!!"

I truly do hope everyone that can make it tomorrow, comes out.  Tickets are dirt cheap.  It'll be nine months and a boatload of change before you can watch our team again guys and gals.  Whatever you may think of this season?  It won't match my anger, frustration, and disappointment.  Because this season?  Was truly rock bottom.  There's nowhere to go but up.

And I cannot wait to renew my seats on January 15th, as the first step on the rise to the top ...

Friday, December 21, 2012

post 633! the annual column ...

"Button your lip, baby!
Button your coat!
Let's go out dancing --
Go for the throat!

Let's bury the hatchet,
And wipe out the past!
Make love together --
Stay on the path!

You're not the only one
With mixed emotions!
You're not the only ship
Adrift on this ocean!

This coming and going?
Is driving me nuts!
This to-in and fro-ing?
Is hurting my guts!

So get off the fence now --
You're creasing your butt.
Life is a party!
Let's get out and strut!

You're not the only one,
With mixed emotions!
You're not the only ship,
Adrift on this ocean!

You're not the only one,
That's feeling lonesome!
You're not the only one,
With mixed emotions!

Let's grab the world,
By the scruff of the neck.
And take it down deeply,
And love it to death!

So button your lip baby!
Button your coat!
Let's go out dancing --
Let's rock and roll, yeah!

You're not the only one,
With mixed emotions!
You're not the only ship,
Adrift on this ocean!

You're not the only one,
That's feeling lonesome!
You're not the only one,
With mixed emotions ..."

-- "Mixed Emotions" by the Rolling Stones.  Chosen as the theme for the 2012 edition of my favorite column I post each year, because God bless it, this was one really confusing year full of mixed emotions.  There's that, and the fact that I'm a huge, and I mean hu-yuge Stones fan ... and believe it or not, this is my favorite song by them.  Although "Sympathy For the Devil" is the best song they ever did.  Even if a certain person who'll appear in these prepared remarks did a damned solid job of arguing "Gimme Shelter" was as good as it gets, and at least one of my parents would head slap me, DiNozzo style, at ignoring "Get Off Of My Cloud" ...

----------------------------------------------

Every year, this post gets harder to write.  Usually, it's because I have so many people to thank for their participation in my life over the previous year, that I fear I'm going to miss on at least 5-6 obvious "hey dude, you forgot me!" folks who will jokingly ask where the hell their shout-out was.  (At least, I hope they're joking.  (Pause.)  Hang on, let me lock the front door just to be safe ...)

This year's post, is going to be the most difficult to write yet ... because 2012 will not go down as a year that contained my best days, my best weeks, my best months, and it sure as all hell wasn't my finest year.

And yet, despite it all -- and trust me, the stretch from the evening of August 15th, to the night of December 12th, and really more the evening of December 14th at Lew's, when this stretch was mercifully killed and officially buried 29 feet under the ground, deep enough to stay buried even during a zombie attack?  Was damned near the roughest stretch of my life -- I have to look back once again with wonder and amazement at how amazing the truest of friends and co-workers and acquaintances and family in my life, at how amazing and incredible they are.  It never fails to humble me, that people who appeared in the inaugural "annual post" five years ago?  Virtually every single person is still in the 2012 edition.  And the 2012 edition is virtually guaranteed to be the longest one yet.

So before I hit the individual thank you's and shout outs, a generic thank you (beatles voice) from me, to you*.  Because you guys (and gals) have lived the words of that song so perfectly for yet another year:

"If there's anything that you want?
If there's anything that you need?
Just call on me, and I'll send it along,
With love, from me, to you."

Thanks, y'all.  Truly.  Thank you for simply being you.  And for embracing and loving me, for being, uuh, me.

(*: here's your random trivia fact of the day: "From Me to You" was the Beatles first number one in the US of A.  Most people think it's "She Loves You" (which was their second) or "All My Loving" (which never hit number one, somehow, even though that song's performance on "The Ed Sullivan Show" is what launched them to greatness.)

So, without any further ado ... here we go.

First, the prior editions of the "annual column":

2008's inaugural edition.
2009's version (scroll to final question in fake mailbag, and yes, this year's edition sucked).
2010's version.
2011's version.

* As always, I begin by thanking the folks whose night of tomfoolery, hijinks, and failure to use protection resulted in the seriously screwed up individual typing this.  (That would be my mom and dad, for the clueless idiots reading this.)  Lord knows I'm not an easy person to love, and I'm not an easy person to understand.  Hell, my "mental health professional" I see for an hour every Tuesday still doesn't truly "get me", and I've only been paying her money I don't really have for the better part of ten months, to try to figure out what's wrong with me.  You two have always "gotten me", and rather than try to change me or fix me or throw up your hands in surrender, have instead embraced me, loved me, and had my back no matter what, even when defending my back, meant defending the indefensible.  I cannot thank you enough, for simply being you.

Even when being you, means holding me accountable for my numerous screw-ups.  Holding someone accountable doesn't make you wrong -- it makes you a true friend.  And I think it's damned cool that two of my best friends, are my mom and dad.

* So let's hit the first of the four on my "Mount Rushmore" of friends next, and that would be my brother.  We've come a long way from that one fateful night when I was 11 and you were 8, we wouldn't stop fighting, so mom had the brilliant idea to move us into the same room "until the two of you get along!"  One trip to the emergency room 35 minutes later to deal with where my head, helped by your hands, inadvertently landed quite awkwardly and painfully on the corner of the window sill five times in seven seconds ... and we were good.  And have been ever since.

* And to your amazing other half, all I can say is, "wow!"  I mean, if you had to wager on either my brother or I meeting the love of their life, because she's the bartender at your local watering hole ... well, ok, fine.  I wouldn't know which one of us to wager on either.  But you two are perfect together, and I'm glad you are in a new job that truly takes advantage of your skills, and that you truly enjoy.  But yeah, I'm also happy that you gave me the three most amazing people I've ever met.  First up:

* My special little girls.  I cannot believe you two are almost two and a half.  I cannot believe you are walking, talking, and most importantly, have perfected the “Unca Teve!” greeting as I walk in to the main room from the garage when I come to y’all’s house.  True story – my mom and dad watch them every Tuesday, and I had a couple pieces of mail that got sent to my folks house that they dropped off to me at work one Tuesday in October.  I walked outside to meet everyone in my dad’s car and get my mail, and the girls literally lit up in recognition of their crazy Unca Teve.  “Hi Teve!”  “I Wub You Unca Teve!”  Girls?  You had my heart the second you were born, and thank God you waited until midday on that Sunday, so your crazy drunk uncle could haul (rear end) back from the float trip he was on, to see you enter this life.  I love you two so, so much.  Your Unca Teve doesn’t play favorites*.  But if he did?  As much as I love the two of you ...

(*: this is an outright, absolute lie.  I do play favorites.  Which is why, if you’re mentioned in this post?  You should feel really good about yourself.  I DO play favorites, dammit!)


* I love my “special little guy” that much more.  Either my mental issues are worse than even I think they are … or I do have a soft spot for certain people, because A-Man?  The second I see you, I want to cry, I love you that much buddy.  My favorite picture of all time, is of me holding you about 20 minutes after your birth, in the delivery room, and I’m just staring down at you, tears running down my cheeks, in amazement and total love of the miracle I am holding.  My second favorite picture of all time?  Every person who enters my cubicle sees it first thing – you and me, standing in Gigi and Papa’s front yard, on Easter Sunday last year.  Just you and me, buddy.  Oh, and the ever present glass of wine in my hand (rimshot!)  Buddy, your uncle loves you, and lives for that moment when I open the door, and you’re the first one to yell out “Teve!” as you sprint down the stairs to hug my leg.  (Just don’t let your sisters know, ok?  That’s our special little secret.)

* To "The Voice of Reason" ... uuh, what the hell happened to our Chiefs this year?  I mean, really?  2-12?  Worst scoring differential in franchise history?  Players killing themselves in front of coaches and front office executives?  Blackouts by fans?  How did this sink so far, so fast?  You're the "Voice of Reason", for God's sake!  How?  How did this happen?

In all seriousness, you're the second of the four on my "Mount Rushmore" of friends, and how we're still standing 20 years after we reached our (outrageously racist old guy in "fidelity" ads) "why not?" moment, and combined our gambling pools in study hall, I have no idea.  But here we are.  Still going strong.

Congratulations to you, to "Mrs. Voice of Reason" as well, on the latest addition to the family.  She's beyond adorable.  As is (montell jordan voice) "Little G".  So glad to see the life the two of you have committed to, is going as well as it is, and it could not happen to two better people.

* As I noted earlier, this was a "mixed emotions" kind of year for me.  There's so many people coming up next, that I'd normally thank for making a few Royals games with me, for hitting up a float trip or two with me, for hitting up a concert or five with me, for hitting up the "Insert Ouncer Here" Tailgate that was a tradition for as long as this site has been in existance.

(Pause.)

Sadly, I made a grand total of two Royals games this year: one in early April with my brother and "The Voice of Reason", one in June with "The Champ".  I made one concert all summer, and that was the first Saturday in June.  I made zero float trips.  And the "Insert Ouncer Here" never found a date that worked for the core, key folks to be able to all show up.

(Told you this year sucked (rear end).)

So let me combine a few folks here, because this is normally where I'd say "hey, that was a blast!" / "glad you made it for (insert event here), wouldn't have wanted to share that with anyone else!" comments for them.  (AKA "this is the (emphasis on) former co-workers, save for one ... section of these prepared remarks".)

* I saw my buddy Brett once this year, at the Royals game DJ and I went to.  (I can only imagine how drunk, baked, or both, we looked ... considering it was 108 degrees, we were about the only three dumba**es to sit in center field, and we were leaving in the third inning when we ran into you.)  We gotta do better than that next year, both you and your awesome other half Shannon.  Glad to see from Facebook that the family is doing great.  And to your brother Scott, his awesome other half Rachelle (THE best jello shot maker ever, and as someone who is so full of himself it's disgusting ... I hate admitting that), congrats on the new one!  And I hope 2012 was a great year for y'all; it certainly appeared to be from a distance.

To my buddy Heath, and his wife Sarah, and their kids: glad all is good, and we can't be strangers next year, like we were this year.  It just isn't a summer until the Rivermaster breaks out "Beer Thirty" every hour, on the hour.  To my buddy Phil and his better half Lacey, congrats on the daughter, congrats on things being good from a distance.  Another "it just isn't summer" moment -- it ain't summer until I literally stun the hell out of everyone as your buddy passes the breathalyzer around the bonfire, everyone wagers I'm actually nearly sober ... and I blow a .26.  (True story: that happened in the summer of 2008.  The lesson?  I have the most ridiculous tolerance level known to man).

To Anthony and Megan, congratulations!  Hang in there dude -- life is funny sometimes.  In the words of Michael Corleone in (arguably) the most underrated sequal of all time: "Just when I think I'm out?  Somebody pulls me back in!"  Hang in there dude.  If 2012 has taught me anything, it's that your true friends ALWAYS have your back.  And I'll always have yours anyway I can, dude.

To some other former TA folks I saw far too little of this year, let me give you your well deserved shout out here.  To Hadley and Shari, to Robin and Justin, to Tucker, to Tim (I'm still in utter shock -- shock! -- at your post TA career, but good for you man!), to Amber and Jamie, to Melissa, to Pat, to my old boss Mary (ha!  You just can't escape either me or my brother making your life miserable, can ya!  (cue sitcom laugh track here).  I'm kidding ... somewhat) -- thanks for having the impact on me that you did, and come 2013, we need a nice reunion dinner.  Or poker game.  Whatever's clever.

* Let's jump a little bit back into some more personal recognitions.  To my buddy Brent, aka "bts" -- congrats, man!  Your wife is an amazing person.  And as always, I could not be prouder at who I ceded my spot on the couch to.  Glad you're back in KC, glad you met the girl of your dreams, and glad that she's, uuh, dream worthy.  

(And for your random "what are the effing odds" encounter of a lifetime?  This recap never gets old.)

* To my buddy Jasson -- thanks dude, for going all out and welcoming back into your life the last couple months of this year.  It'd been way, way, way too long since we simply had a fun conversation, let alone a fun day together.  Don't be a stranger man.  You either, Mrs. Jasson.  And dear God -- your kids are in high school!  Sweet merciful Jesus, where did the last decade go?  I can still remember your wedding day nearly ten years ago ... if only because it was hotter than hell itself, and you two were dumb enough to let Gregg and I play bartender at the reception.  How nobody got a DUI on the way home, I have no idea -- I made damned sure every drink was made "Stevo Style" (aka "at least 50% booze).  Fun times.

Oh -- and last time I checked, Jesus hadn't returned yet, so we're still cool on the Royals Double Header Day tickets from that summer.  (Rimshot!)  God, dumbest payback plan ever.  "Sure, just get me the money before the Second Coming, it's all good!"  I have a feeling I'll be going to my grave, to lie in nothingness for eternity, still owed $12.  :)  (Just kidding man.  Glad to have ya back!)

* Let me now switch to the Chiefs crew (and close friends as a result of said Chiefs crew) portion of these remarks ... before hitting the home stretch, and there's at least four* specific things in said home stretch, I wanna hit on.  (Three of them, I know what I plan to say.  It's the sprint from third to home, I'm still figuring out.)

(*: and in writing down who still to thank ... I count at least eight more "thank you" sections to go.  God bless it!  I am truly blessed!)

To my second parents, Russ and Mona?  I cannot express into words how much you two mean to me.  I literally -- the English language has not created a word that can actually convey how I feel about you.  And just so I'm perfectly clear -- I am NOT the only person who feels that way, even if I'm the only one who'll post it for the world to read.  You two are amazing.  Just amazing.  Like with my actual parents, I can only hope and pray that someday, I'll actually deserve the love and friendship and support that is unquestioningly always sent my way from you to me.

To Nancy, my second second mother (somehow, this makes sense, I swear) -- didn't see ya as much as I'd like to have, but every time I see you, it's an absolute good.  

To Mr. Griffin, had a blast at the Ralph Wayne rally.  It's always a blast when you grace us with your presence at the pool, if only to laugh our (rear ends) off at what passes as a "swimsuit" in your vernacular.  You're a great guy man.  Loved getting to know your crew this summer as well.  If you Colorado guys somehow stumble on this -- don't be strangers.  You guys were a blast every Sunday.

To Donnie, you never fail to make me laugh.  NEVER.  The single funniest moment of my last two years has to be when you saw Doc for the first time at the DJ/KJ wedding "reception" at the pool last summer.  That literally might be the single funniest moment of my life.  Glad to see I'm now third on the "wish list" (rimshot!), behind two good friends of mine.  I kid, I kid.  I love ya man, in my own way.  You're a great friend, you're a great person, and I'm beyond honored and humbled to count you as both, in my life.  And happy belated birthday; I'm pretty sure I forgot to Facebook message ya earlier this month.  (And if I didn't?  Then I did it twice (rimshot!)  Admit it, that's a better dream present than getting an actual message (rimshot!)  Good God, this is tanking fast ...)

To Susan, I hope you'll renew.  We love having you as part of our Chiefs crew, our summertime at the pool crew, our "what the hell, it's a random Thursday in March, let's hit up someplace for dinner!" crew.  And by "we", that includes "me".  You are by far and away the best addition to our group in the last five years.  I hope you choose to make it six, at least at Arrowhead.  You're always welcome in my life, anywhere, anytime.

To Jeff and Paula: sorry girl, but I still opt for "Mixed Emotions".  Although anytime you can spend a solid 30 minutes at a tailgate debating what the best Rolling Stones song is?  You're a winner in my book.  I wish you two nothing but the best in 2013, because you gave me a couple really fun weekends in 2012 ... and as Cowboys fans -- oh hell yes, not just me, but ALL of us, expect you to join us on the roadie to Jerry World sometime next fall.  (Hopefully late in the year.  Seriously, the whole point of a roadie, is to go somewhere warmer than KC.  I learned my lesson in 2003, when Gregg and I traveled to Cincinnati in mid November (and I had to drive back in the worst fog we've ever seen, ever), and Minnesota in late December (walking through 11 inches of unplowed snow to a car buried in 8 inches of snow?  SUCKS!)

To Anthony and Jaimmie, and your friends (I apologize, I'm gonna miss at least 5) Paul, Michael, Brandon, Ana -- don't be strangers guys.  We love having you around.  And yes, the pool is open for business pretty much every Saturday and Sunday from Memorial to Labor Day.  Well, unless Russ and I are trying to install a pool liner.  Then it might be more like mid July (rimshot!)

To Ray, Julie and Tim, and the rest of the Springfield crew: you guys joining us most weeks this year for tailgating, has been beyond awesome.  And yes, this is a flat out "seriously, fish fries rock!  Let's do this every week!" attempt to, uuh, make that happen as often as possible.  It's the Milwaukeean in me.  (Seriously, folks -- if you've never been to Milwaukee during Lent, to experience the fish fry every Friday at Lakefront Brewery or Rock Bottom Brewery?  You have not experienced life to its fullest.)  Have a great offseason, and know that come August, I'll head down and save as many spots as you need.

To Chris, and by extension Dr. Frank and Nancy ... you all have courage, grace, dignity, and resolve that I wish I had.  I have such admiration for you.  I can honestly say, there are very, very few people in life, I respect and love.  The love part, is easy for me.  (Hence the still "unsure what to say" final two shout-outs to come.)  But respect?  You have to earn it with me.  I can promise you two things girl -- you'll always have my respect, and you'll always have a hug waiting for you, when you arrive at the game, be it at tailgating, or the game itself.

And to Will and Robin -- a blast sitting by you guys this year.  Don't be strangers!

And, finally, to the "first generation" that's moved on for whatever reason(s): to Joe and Robert, to Beth, to Bill and Vessie, to Debbie, to Davey and Tracey, to Jennifer and Tony, to whoever obvious I'm missing: thanks for still being friends guys.  Have a great 2013.  You deserve it.  And to Joe Knows?  Thanks for your concern, caring, and kindness over the last couple months.  Your Facebook emails that morning last month, was exactly what I needed dude.  Thanks man.

* OK, at least four eight biggies to go.  Let's start with current co-workers:

To my boss, thanks for your support this year, and your understand and coping amazingly generously with my personal issues.  And to my immediate co-worker: please, take however long you need to get well.  Because we ain't letting you back in the door, until we know you're you again.

To my immediately prior boss, you got my prayers, always.  Keep fighting.  To Heather and Joe and Dale, I miss sitting by y'all ... but hey!  I'm apparently moving in the next few weeks.  Happy days are here again!  (Ditto getting to raid Kathy's candy bowl.  And thank God for that -- I never realized how expensive it is to maintain the department's candy bowl, until I had to do it, on my current side of the floor.  Who the hell knew a decent bag of Skittles was pushing $6!)  To Bettie, Linda, Kathy, Mary, Ed, and Ron -- love being rowmates with ya, for as long as it lasts.  To John -- so happy you've recovered.  Loved working with ya at TA for the few months we did, and I am so happy to see ya back every day, being you once again.  To Geoff and Shannon -- you two never fail to crack me up.  Next year Shannon, we definitely gotta take in a Chiefs game together, if only so that you can learn what the "watching a game with Stevo experience" is like. (Trust me -- you'll love it!  (cue every friend of mine voice) NO -- RUN!  DO!  NOT!  SIT!  BY!  HIM!  GIRL!!!!)

And of course, DeNeece, who is deserving of her own separate post.

And to my former co-workers still with us -- had a blast tailgating with Lucy and Jeff this year, and you're welcome back anytime.  Ditto Courtney as well.  And congratulations Pat, on the marriage!  I miss our daily "so what's new with you" shoot the sh*t conversations, pretty much every day.  I am so glad you found happiness.

* OK, at least four seven biggies to go.  Let's next move on to a few friends I've inadvertenly skipped to this point ...

To my buddy Neeck, you remind me so much of Dusty, actually in every way ... the most of which, is that it's impossible to hate you.  It's impossible to stay mad at ya.  It's impossible to actually dislike you, no matter how much you try.  There's just something about ya that's so neat, you just can't help but smile, laugh, and enjoy the time spent with you.  And in that, lies the truest quality a friend can give you (other than that whole "have your back no matter what" thing).  My brother punted well beyond his coverage, to have you as one of his best friends ... and I punted it out of the (gosh darn) universe, to count you as one of mine.

To Phill and Jenny, who knew that a dude I went to junior high with, and a girl my sister-in-law tried for a solid month back in 2006 to set me up with, would wind up together?  Obviously not me ... but you two are awesome people, awesome friends, and Kendall is an amazing girl.  You two are always welcome in my life, anywhere, anytime, anyplace.  (Pause.)  So long as nobody brings a bottle of "Rich and Rare" (rimshot!).  

To the other Jenni in my life, my sister from another mother -- so glad you love the new job, so happy you've made a great life for yourself.  Cannot even begin to express how proud I am, of what you've become.

* OK, at least four* six biggiest to go.  Next up, my college roommates.

(*: I love the scratch through feature on Blogger more than any other.  It's neat.  And yes, to answer the obvious -- I've been drinking while typing this up.)

To Vineet and Frank, you guys still rock all these years later.  Only in true Stevo Logic could my "Mount Rushmore of Friends" have five heads on it ... but definitely, at least one of the four heads, is "double jointed" to say the least.

I mean, where else are you gonna meet someone who looks (according to "The Voice of Reason" ... after a 30 pack) like "Tony Gonzalez", and where else are you gonna meet someone who (according to me and Francisco, after a 30 pack and a medicinally legal product) looks like the chimpanzee on the Cocoa Puffs cereal box, other than on a random day your freshman year at TCU?  Exactly.  

There are exactly three things I miss -- and by miss, I mean "I'd consider giving up time off the back end of my life, for one more day of how things used to be" -- exactly three things I miss.  (1) Sunday nights in high school and (summers) in college, when mom would make me and her BLT sandwiches, crack open a bottle of wine, and we'd sit out on the back deck, chowing down, plowing down, and catching up with each other over how our week was, and what the next week had in store.  God, I really miss that.  (2) "The Couch" on Stubbs.  And (3) the Planters Cheez Balls cannister on Hornaday Circle.  (Please -- don't make me explain it, other than "the answer is yes" to the obvious question.)

* We're down to four five biggies to go!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!  Next up ... bowling league (save for two people).

To Ammie, you have no idea -- no idea! -- how much our conversation that random Wednesday night in early December, did to heal what was broken between me, and the two special friends I'm closing the thank you list with.  You set the end-game in motion that night, even if you didn't realize it.  I am beyond happy that we've become good friends, even drinkin' buddies every so often.  Don't be a stranger girl, in 2013 and beyond.

To Ashley and Cameron, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your incredible, amazing day this past June.  That was one of the funnest weddings I've ever been to ... and amazingly enough, it's not the first one where I've wound up as the designated driver afterwards.  (Although it is the first where I've been the DD, and been semi-sober as said DD).  You two are amazing, incredible friends.  Enjoy the hell out of where life takes ya this year, and going forward.

To Jason, welcome aboard dude!  Ditto Emily as well.  You two keep being yourselves, and you'll earn a status on this site that only the best of the best earn: a legitimate "hide the evidence!" nickname that I don't just bestow on anyone.  (The obvious answer is "yes", to the obvious question of "Is this guy not all here?!?!")

Just as a heads-up, introductory warning to the two of you: I tend to go off the rails at times, and I tend to overreact to things that 99.99% of the population wouldn't even react to, let alone overreact.  (Hint: there's a reason I pay to see a "mental health specialist" every Tuesday night.  (Pause.)  Oh, got it -- this is why!  Wow, I just cured myself for far less than I've been paying!  Son of a ...)

But in all seriousness, if I ever come across as angry, or pissy, or just not all there, you'll learn, as so many others in my life and in this league have learned -- it's just me, being me.  I am really glad you two are a part of us now, and going forward.

To the friends I've made over the last five years in this amazing league, and I'll try to remember them all here, because this is the portion of the "prepared remarks" I always eff up -- Steve, Suzanne, and Mark.  Wayne.  Dale and Susan, and Sally.  The Shepherd's and Graham.  (When he shows up) Skip.  Kyle, Daryl, Kim, Shelly, Scott, Jeff, Dan ... ok, now I'm just gonna start whiffing, so -- if you're in the UUG League?  I'm glad you are.  And thanks for welcoming me into your community.

* And finally ... to Penny and DeHart.  I know it's a running gag -- I'm the only person in our league nobody wanted on their team, and yet you had to ask me twice to be your teammate.  I'm damned proud to be a part of your team.  I'm beyond ecstatic.  Thanks for going out of your way, after my proposed team fell apart, to still give enough of a damn to ask me a 2nd time.  That's beyond awesome.  I only wish I'd had the common sense to say "yes", the first time.

* Wow, actually only four five* to go!  Next up, immediate family.

(*: I forgot a biggie.  As in, "I wore that crappy mistletoe to a Chiefs game and looked like a freaking tool doing so, I love this girl that much" biggie.)

My biggest shoutout has to go to my favorite aunt, and that would be Gail, on her marriage to Mike this month.  I like that guy.  He's a keeper.  And to my cousin Zach -- you gotta let this Claire girl meet your crazy drunk cousins.  If she survives both Drew and I giving her one helluva interrogation?  She's a keeper.

To my cousin Brooke (and again -- I don't play favorites (yeah right) ... but you are definitely my favorite), congrats on the new job!  To your awesome husband Craig -- thank you for not only making me (I'm guessing) the only Romney supporter you didn't unfriend ... thanks for your hospitality, your friendship, and next fall, when y'all are reunited in DC?  Wizards game!  (Or at least one helluva bar tab ... again.)  Either way, it's all good.

To my cousin Kristin, and your equal half Bryan -- I wish we'd gotten more time last year at your wedding, but sh*t happens.  Namely, the sh*t that happened was "kid who lives in KC hits a beach in November -- leave me alone and let me bake in the sun!"  Was so happy I could be there, considering I missed my cousin Spencer's wedding to Sam due to that whole "wow, I don't have a job, can't afford this" debacle I was in, in 2006.  So glad Spencer's home, safe, and thank you for your service sir.

And to my cousin Jordan -- hang in there man.  I actually know exactly how you feel sir -- I've been there.  It does get better.  Just believe in yourself.  And if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, a voice to talk you through things, again -- I've been in your spot.  And I'm still standing.  My number's on Facebook.  Call me if you ever need to talk, for any reason.  I've got your back man.  Always.  We're family.

And I've now hit page 22 in Word ... so let's start speeding this up, because the last shout out, probably has at least a solid page in it.  So to the rest of my family -- my uncle Bruce, aunt Marsha, my awesome Uncle Bill and Aunt Sandy (so, so thankful for your health!), my cousin Brad, his wife Heather, and your awesome kids, my cousin Brent, wife Gail, and your awesome kid Guy (seriously -- how awesome is it to have a legit hockey named kid in your family!), my cousin Brian, all the Chicago folks -- Skip and Sandy, Nancy and Fred, great aunt Julie, and our favorite non-uncle anymore, Geno -- I hope 2012 was awesome for you. 

And I hope 2013 is the greatest year of your lives.

* And then, there were four.

(Seriously, no scratches this time.  We're getting close.)

* To Doc (and Shannon): you've always been my favorite friend of Dusty's.  I like Mark and Sarah, I like Mickey and Amy, I like Jennifer and Jeremy, I like Bleese and Jimmy and Brandon and Amy and Nick and Lauren, and God knows how many I've missed.

But you sir?  Have always been my favorite.  Had a blast at the Chargers game with you.  Thanks for the shoulder to lean on that day, as I attempted to figure out why ... well, it happened.  (Time to let it go, Stevo.)

I'm renewing both tickets in 2013 for the Chiefs.  I'm just not sure if it'll be where I was this year, or back in 132.  Either way?  That second seat is yours anytime you want it.

* To "The Ex" ... wow, we had our issues this year, too.  I seriously need to learn how to keep my opinions about people to myself sometimes ... especially when I was proven wr ... wr ... wr ... possibly incorrect, about your significant other.

Having said that ... I love that we still get a day or two a month to just be "us".  You'll always be my "bff".  Nothing can ever change that in my eyes or my mind.  I will always -- always! -- love the hell out of you.  You truly are the sister I will never have.  (Well, unless miracles truly happen.  (cue my parents voice) No!  No!  We're retired!  No!  Mas! Kids!)

And to your significant other -- I'm glad I was wrong about you.  And note that I didn't drop the wr ... wr ... comment there.  I'm glad I was wrong about you.  And that's just about the highest compliment I can give someone, because (as "The Ex" can confirm), I'm normally a 100% rock solid judge of people, and their character.  I've never been more wrong about someone, that I was about you.

* To "The Crush", what can I say.  You'll always be my ultimate "what if".  (I'd never go for it -- I refuse to hurt DJ like that.  Guy code.  You never, ever, ever actually go for the best friend's ex.  See that whole "Joey Locks Chandler In the Box" episode of "Friends" debacle.)

Having said that ... I love the hell outta ya girl.  Hell, I love ya enough that I've pulled off the sh*ttiest mistletoe hanging known to man two years and counting, and gotten what I wanted.  (Although give me an ounce of credit -- at least this year, it wasn't a napkin with the word "mistletoe" written on it.  Improvement!)

I hope you'll always be as good a friend to me, as you were on Stubbs.  And you'll always -- always! -- be the first pool volleyball draft pick come mid-May, when we (pathetically) actually have a draft to determine who goes on which side of the pool, on a random Sunday in July.

* And then, there was one.

OK, fine -- two.

Yet another "double face" on my "Mount Rushmore" of friends.

To my "Champ" and my "Chica".  To "The Kid" and my "Boasheao".  2012 has not been our finest hour.  Hell -- it hasn't been our finest decade.

I have debated for a solid week how to type the shout out to the two of you ... and I think I'll end with this.  

I (attempted to) express through song, to each of you, how I truly feel about you, in the Christmas gift package I gave you.  Except, while I thought it was neat how I linked each of you to one of my two favorite Beatles songs ... neither song ("In My Life" for Kellie; "Across the Universe" for Dusty) truly represented how I truly feel.

Because I'm going to close this post, by truly expressing how I feel, as of this moment.  Try not to cry, because I'm struggling not to.  You two ... (godd*mmit, now I AM crying ...) you two?

I unfortunately had to watch your most blessed day via video, since (stunner!) I didn't have $1200 to accept Dusty's request to be his best man.  (Although at least Zeuser broke in the couch apparently, that week you all were gone.  (dusty voice) that thing was already broken in, Stevo!)

Kellie?  You're the single most amazing girl I've ever had the privilege of calling my "friend".  If someone asked me right now, "what's the single thing that stands out to you the most about Kellie?"  It would be this: that I'm not good enough to be in the same zip code as you ... and yet, this incredible girl, not only chooses to ignore my flaws, not only chooses to ignore my failures ... she goes out of her way to always make sure I'm introduced to someone I'm meeting for the first time as "my friend, Stevo".  You are so amazing, so incredibly, uuh, incredible ... that I literally cannot describe how I feel about you.

And Dusty?  Champ?  Kid?  

I close with my message to you, in song.  And I apologize -- the lyrics I'm feeling?  Are amongst the 5 worst cheeziest / "how the eff did this hit number one on the charts?!?!?!" songs ever recorded.  But the last half of the chorus?  Somehow, the English language did find the words to describe how I feel for you two.

Champ?  Chica?  We're all good in my eyes.  Past, present, future.  Because -- hang on, those song lyrics are about to take over ...

"Every memory repeats.
Every step I take?  Retreats.
Every journey always brings me
Back to you ..

After all the stops and starts?
We keep coming back to these (three) hearts --
(Three) angels rescued from the fall!

(and ... the money shot:)

And after all we've been through?
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be --
Forever.  You and me.
After all."

Merry Chrismukkah 2012 guys and gals.  Please -- let the lessons of the tragic events of December 1st, be your guide going forward.  

Shake hands with those you despite.  

Tolerate those you dislike.  

And hug the hell out of those you love.  Never fail to take the time, to let those you love, know exactly how you feel about them.

Because at the end of the day?

"After all that we've been through?
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be --
Forever.  You and me.
After all ..."

Monday, December 10, 2012

my reaction to the royals / rays trade ...

Oh boy.

Rany Jazayerli is on the record with his two word post on his personal blog (linked on the side of this site) ... and with more than two words on Grantland.

Y'all know how much I love Rany as a writer, and as a fan of the team we love.  Hell, nine years ago, I spent a 109 degree Sunday afternoon sitting in left field with him and Rob Neyer for Rob and Rany at the Royals day.  There were maybe 8 of us stupid enough to show up -- and it was a mid August battle between first place KC and second place Minnesota.  I sweated through the whole nine innings, enjoying the hell out of getting to pick two great baseball writers' minds for three hours.

I could not disagree more with his assessment of the trade.

I spent half the day text messaging with my buddy Jasson (who, in a really welcome development, either was so moved by the Chiefs / Panthers post, or he's drunk dialing me, because I've heard more from him in the last week and a half, than I had in the last year and a half, and that's a very happy development), and I guess, we're the only two people who agree why this was a good thing.

Gang?  The chips have been shoved to the center of the table.

For the first time since the 1993 offseason, a full twenty freaking years ago ... the Royals are all in it, to win it.

For the first time since Opening Day 2004?  This isn't about next year.  It's about this year.

Did the Royals overpay for James Shields and Wade Davis?  Well sure they did.  Did the Dodgers overpay for Zack Greinke (6 years, $146 million)?  Of course they did.  If the Royals (and as long as David Glass owns this team, this will be true), if the Royals refuse to overpay in money for top flight talent?  Then they have to overpay for it with prospects.

And if trading away someone with, according to the metrics, an 86% chance of becoming a future All-Star, yields a division championship in 2013, an LCS berth in 2014, and scorched earth after that in 2015?

Give me the division championship, give me the LCS berth, and the hope for 2015.

This wasn't a Jose Lima type desperation signing in 2003 that somehow came up all seven's (for a season, anyways) when the lever was pulled.  This wasn't a "take a chance on a veteran retread" gamble that paid off, like Paul Byrd in 2002, Jeff Suppan in 1999.  This wasn't wildly overpaying for the best option on the market that would say yes, out of desperation, like Gil Meche in 2006.

This was acquiring a dude who, if this had been the Olympics, would have been on the podium receiving a medal, when it comes to Cy Young voting, this past season.  And upgrading the fourth slot in the rotation from Luke Hochever, to someone who's shown he can get the job done.

And did I mention, Shields and Davis (if he starts; he spent 2012 as one of the league's best relievers) now can join Guthrie and Santana in the rebuilt rotation?  NONE of these four guys was here on Opening Day 2012.  ALL of them are better than anyone that was in the Opening Day 2012 rotation.

And Felipe Paulino and Danny Duffy await their return in late June / early July.  And maybe I'm just f*cking retarded, but I think Bruce Chen, as your fifth starter?  Isn't a bad option every couple of weeks when you need him.

As Jasson noted on about our tenth text message: "how much does this (Chiefs season) suck that we're talking baseball in December?"

As I wanted to respond: "how awesome is it that we're talking baseball in December ... and it's a good thing for the hometown team?"  (But as I did respond: "I bailed (on the Chiefs) for the NBA a month ago.")

Today was a good day, guys.  Today, for the first time since August 31, 2003, when Allard Baird traded some spare parts to bring in Rondell White and Brian Anderson for the stretch run, the Royals pushed their chips into the middle of the table, and went all-in.

Somehow, I think James Shields and Wade Davis?  Is a better hand to risk the house on, than Rondell White and Brian Anderson.  Even if I do miss hearing "Dr. Feelgood" during Mr. Anderson's warmups.  God, no wonder I'm in therapy -- I was a 2004 Royals full season ticket holder!  So THAT'S where I started to lose it!  Jesus, if I'd thought of that ten months ago, I'd be a couple thousand dollars better off ...

Sunday, December 9, 2012

laziness! my 27 favorite blog postings ...

"Where did all the people go?
They got scared when the lights went low.
I'll get you through it nice and slow,
When the world's spinning out of control.

Afraid of what they might lose.
They might get scraped, they might get bruised.
You could beg them, but what's the use?
That's why it's called a moment of truth.

I'll get it, if you need it.
I'll search, if you don't see it.
If you're thirsty?  I'll be rain.
You get hurt?  I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,
But I said it, and I still mean it.
When you heard what I told you?
When you get worried?
I'll be your soldier ..."

-- "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw, which is rapidly becoming my second favorite song by him.  Sorry, but seeing him nail to (reggie jackson voice) "second f*cking base" his epic performance of "I Don't Wanna Be" last year at Power and Light, is amongst the ten best moments of my life ...

-----------------------------------

Believe it or not, I've only done one "best of" post before to pad the number of posts.

Since I'm bored out of my freaking mind*, I figured it's time to post a second "best of", these being my 27ish favorite posts I've ever typed out and posted.

(*: thanks to all of you, and God knows, there have been many, many, many of you who have been far, far, far too kind, for your words of sympathy and support for my ongoing battle with my, uuh, mental issues.  I appreciate y'all more than you could ever know.)

Here we go:

27. My 27 favorite episodes of my favorite TV show ever.  As much as I love "Friday Night Lights", as much as I love "Lost", as much as I love "Good Times" ... nothing holds a candle to "NYPD Blue".

26. "With Eyes Wide Open".  The single funnest Sunday I've ever had at Arrowhead ... and I nailed it at 4:26 in the morning.

25. Why "Saturday Night Fever" is my favorite movie ever.  And for the record, I actually rewatched this movie yesterday evening.  I still think the final scene is the most ridiculous, "not a chance in hell this happens!" finale to a movie I like, that has ever been filmed ... and I still cry every time Stephanie takes Tony's hand in the windowsill of the brownstone, as "How Deep Is Your Love" starts to play.  Good God, I need professional help.  Oh.  Wait.  I'm receiving it.  Never mind (rimshot!)

24. The first "annual column".  I think I'm most thankful, that I still count every person in that column, as a friend.  I hope they feel the same about me.

23. The first fake mailbag.  It's still my best one.

22. My reactions to my favorite day ever spent at Arrowhead.  I have living, breathing blood relatives that have never lived a day in their life, where the Chiefs hold the upper hand over denver at Arrowhead.  I am beyond offended by that.

21. Floatapalooza Uno, from last summer.  One of the funnest, if not the funnest, weekends of my life.

20. "The Cigar Box".  A fun trip down memory lane.

19. The look back at the eight best months of my life.  I am so, so, so tardy on the "best of" columns for the last decade.  Need to get back on the horsie there.

18. My 2010 NCAA tournament picks.  Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day.  And good God, I had (had?!?!?!) a ridiculous man crush on Jon Scheyer ...

17. My look back at the best moments of "Lost".  Enough said.

16. The Ultimate Stevo Quiz, and the Answers to said Quiz.  Sadly, I don't think a single answer has changed in five years.

15. My tribute to the best new show of the last five years, "Swingtown".  Yeah, like there's even four shows currently on network TV better than "Swingtown" was.

14. The "What If" Game post.  Number one still haunts me to this day.

13. The "Sur"render of a Century.  Or the "Spirit of 76".  A beatdown literally a generation in the making.  God, I miss "Sur" William Callahan. (Not.)

12. My finest hour as a blogger.  "The Week Four Plea", week four 2002.  Yes, people in my tailgating group literally showed up with this post (back then, email) printed out, because they were so amazed at the passion involved in it.  Blame them for reading this; what can I say, they inspired me to keep going.

11. My recap of the Matt Nathanson concert.  Still in my top five all time concert experiences.

10. My look back at 2006.  Still the funnest year of my life.  And that roadie to Indy with Dusty?  Is still the funnest 72 hours of my life that didn't involve a member of the opposite sex.

9. Double Header Day defined.  I probably wouldn't survive a third one of these ... but I'd love to try.  If only to see the tin cup again.

8. Floatapalooza Dos, from last summer.  If that was "The Family"'s last gasp?  We went out strong.

7. The first recap / original post, my review of the 311 / Snoop Dogg concert.  It's been nearly five years ... and I'll still waiting for the picture of bts in the t-shirt turban.  And yes, it's that damned funny.

6. Remembering a dear, departed friend four years after his passing.  Sadly, it's now eight.

5. Post 500.  Sadly, 2012 didn't play out as I hoped it would ... but blame the dumb f*ck optimist in me guys: I STILL think we got one, last great summer in us.

4. "A Great Show Gets Cancelled".  My reflections on my last day at Stubbs.  I still mean every word written in that post.  And I'm glad my wish for my "Champ" came true.

3. Nebraskapalooza!  So fun of a weekend getaway, you get four parts!

Part Uno.
Part Dos.
Part Tres.
Part Quatro.

And since I somehow haven't had one yet, the "Honorable Mention":

The trip to Omaha for the College World Series last summer.

2. The Chiefs / Panthers recap.  The most read post on this site, and no other post is within 734 clicks and counting as of this post.

1. "Sometimes, You Walk Into a Bowling Alley".  And your life changes forever.  Without question, my finest hour as a blogger.

Feel free to click away and enjoy what's been.  And I promise you: I'll do better in December to update this place, than I did in November.  It's not like I can do worse ...

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...