chiefs! packers! where the unthinkable happens ...

“Crazy, but I’m relieved this time.
Begging for sweet relief,
A blessing in disguse.

Dying behind these tired eyes.
I’ve been losing sleep,
Please come to me tonight.

Hands on a miracle!
I’ve got my hands on a miracle!
Believe it or not, hands on a miracle!
And there AIN’T NO WAY!!!,
That you can take it away …”

-- “Miracle” by Foo Fighters, how I really feel about yesterday’s epic victory and it’s aftermath. But … can I REALLY go with that as the intro, after the beyond epic Chrismukkah gift the Chiefs PA office gave us? (pause …) Nope. Let’s do this:

“You take the grey skies out of my way!
You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day!
Turned a bright spark into a flame!
My beats per minute never been the same!

‘Cause you’re my lady, and I’m your fool!
It makes me crazy when you act so cruel!
Come on baby, let’s not fight!
We’ll go dancing, everything will be alright!

Wake me up, before you go-go!
Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo!
Wake me up, before you go-go!
I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high!

Wake me up before you go-go!
‘Cause I’m not planning on flying solo!
Wake me up before you go-go girl!
Take me dancing tonight!!! …”

-- “Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)” by Wham! Yes, the Chiefs PA dude really did introduce the Green Bay Packers yesterday by playing Wham! I thought it was epically awesome. Little did I know it was the first shot of a day noone who was there will ever forget …

---------------------------------

Well, give the Chiefs this – they NEVER fail to surprise you. Just when you think you have this team figured out, they go out and absolutely dominate the previously unbeaten Green Bay Packers. If you were there, congratulations – like me, you witnessed the single most shocking, surprising, unexpected Chiefs victory in franchise history that, coupled with a few surprising outcomes out west, ensures the Chiefs postseason goose isn’t quite cooked yet.

There was not one legitimate reason to believe the Chiefs would, or even could, win this contest. In fact, earlier this week, the following text conversation occurred between me and “The Voice of Reason”:

(stevo) official orton starts
(gregg) like it matters at all
(stevo) no sh*t

Which is what made Sunday so special.

The entire fourth quarter, as the mood in the stadium amongst both fanbases turned from “holy sh*t, is this actually happening???” to “holy sh*t, this IS actually happening!!!”, I had a strange feeling that I’d seen this before. And it hit me, after Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy inexplicably refused to toss the challenge flag on Pope’s fumble a few minutes earlier, near the end of the third quarter.

Cincinnati, 2003.

When Gregg and I made a 500 plus mile journey to the River City, to watch our 9-0 Chiefs take on the hapless Bengals. And I spent the entire fourth quarter (a) seeking security after some drunken fan decked me, and (b) like the other 60% of the stadium that day that was clad in Red and Gold, wondering how the hell this happened. How the hell did an also ran rise up and beat the (at that moment) NFL’s best?

Yesterday, I felt the emotions running through me that those Bengals fans felt eight years ago. The pride, the absolute pride and joy in seeing your team, the scrappy underdog, that didn’t have a shot in you-know-where, go out and absolutely boatrace a far superior team for 59 ½ minutes. (I’ll give Green Bay this: they had one quality drive early in the third quarter to take the lead … a lead they held for about 33 seconds).

I mean, and maybe I just view this differently because I was (brent musburger voice) looking live at the scene, but has a 6-0 lead ever felt more comfortable? When the Chiefs finally punched it in to go up 19-7 with a little over five to play, did anyone honestly believe Green Bay could score two touchdowns on our defense? And maybe because success on the field breeds confidence in the stands, did anyone actually doubt we’d get the first down after recovering the onside kick (adventures in officiating! Holy crap, was Gene Stenatore’s crew inept yesterday or what)?

From the moment this thing got going, a little before 7 at the entrance to Gate 6, to the moment it finally closed down, at a back table at Fun House on 350 a little after 9, this day just reeked of epicness, of incredibleness, of what CAN be with this town, with this team riding high. As best I can do it, here’s your recap of the most unexpected Chiefs victory of my lifetime …

* Although to be fair, as multiple people noted after the game, I had spent the entire tailgate noting that “the last time a defending Super Bowl champion opened 13-0, they lost on the road to a 5-8 squad”. I kept mentioning that solely and completely because that Super Bowl champion, was your cheating denver broncos, who if Paul Tagliabue had an ounce of integrity and respect for the sport, would have stripped those (plural c word, and it rhymes with “bunts”) of their Lombardi Trophies for circumventing the salary cap, for cheating to win. But why let integrity and respect for the game get in the way of “this one’s for john!”

* Yes, I have seen the tiebreaker scenarios. Yes, I know exactly who to root for on Saturday and why. Yes, I fully believe a Chiefs / broncos season finale with a home playoff game on the line, might lead me to literally keel over dead of a heart attack. So I’m not going to mention it (for a few pages or so), beyond hoping that Chris Berman is invited to give the pregame speech to the Bills on Saturday to remind them that “NOBODY circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills!”

* We arrived at the gates a little bit before 7. I counted seven on the bus yesterday – myself, Susan, Russ and Mona, Anthony and his dad. OK, six. What can I say, I’m an accountant, math isn’t my strongest skill set (rimshot!) No, wait, I was right, seven – forgot Joe was there. Whew.

* Should probably back up for a minute to Saturday, because it was a total “what are the f*cking odds?!?!” kind of day. I slept in Saturday, finally getting up and moving around noon. I had to buy stuff for tailgating, plus had a couple Christmas parties, so I head to the Walmart on 350 about 1pm to buy some vodka, Gatorade, and other assorted needs.

I push the cart into the checkout line, not even paying a lick of attention, when who’s in front of me? Mickey, Amy and Owen! It is a small world after all! But wait, it gets even better! Because I wanted some Lakefront IPA for yesterday (more on this in a minute), so I head to the one place out my way guaranteed to carry it: the HyVee on Gregory and 350. I park the car, am strolling into the liquor store, and who is walking in right next to me? Tyler! As I noted when I got to my table at the Double Christmas lunch / boozefest: “if one more random person walks in here, I’m buying lottery tickets”.

* The Double Christmas bash was pretty sweet. Everyone’s favorite little Lounge that could! Plenty of food, cheap booze, and unfortunately, more smoke than you’d find in the old apartment at 9pm on a typical Tuesday night back in college. You couldn’t see clearly 20 feet away. Again, I cannot believe how anti-smoking I’ve become, because it seems like I live in various bars, depending on where I’m living at that point in my life. But they cannot ban public smoking in Raytown soon enough.

* OK, back to the pregame. We got the stereo up and going. The spiked hot chocolate was going down real smooth, at least by me. About 7:30ish, someone goes “hey, they’re opening the gates!” I head down, find our gate attendant, and he goes “yeah, Wayne said 8. Said at least one guy at this gate would appreciate it”. Yup, one guy definitely did. Thanks, champ!

* Not much to report from the next hour, until Ray and his crew arrived a little before 9. Other than I lost again at washers. With Russ as my partner. Russ had never played the game before. It showed. I scored all 5 of our points. I’m beginning to think I am an awful, awful, awful washers player.

* Ray and his crew arrived a little before 9. And then it was on like Donkey Kong. He couldn’t fry the fish fast enough. I can say this knowing some folks reading this will nod their heads and go “yup”, but I am not a big eater. I graze. I pick at food, even if I’m starving. Its probably why I weigh only 160 pounds even though I’m pushing 6 feet tall.

Having said that, it was a freaking free-for-all for the fish between me and Anthony. We were tallying up where we were at. “Ooh, I’m at 5!” “Just beat you! 6!” Could not get enough, and I wasn’t the only one – nearly $100 in cod was gone, done-zo, by 10am. Literally as soon as Ray pulled it out of the deep fryer, people were grabbing it.

Job well done sir. Job well done.

* “The Voice of Reason” and his dad showed up a little bit before we broke things down and headed in. Always good to see good people doing, uuh, good.

* KC Wolf sketch: dressed up as Dorothy, kicking Green Bay fan’s ass, aided by a conveniently and strategically placed ATV. I loved it.

* I have no clue who did the National Anthem … but kudos for stalling for fifteen, twenty seconds to sync up the flyover to coincide with “home of the … CHIEFS!” And I say this as someone who continues to state that flyovers are the biggest waste of money known to mankind.

* The Wham! Entrance for the Packers. I literally started crying from laughing so hard. I love that our PA guy has a sense of humor.

* OK, the game highlights, lowlights, and praise of one of THE funnest halftime shows I have ever been privileged enough to witness.

* Pack win the toss, choose to defer. As someone who appreciates history, I was thrilled with this – the last time the Chiefs pulled an upset even approaching this one, Pittsburgh made the same stupid move and gave us the ball first. Jamaal Charles returned the opening kickoff for seven. This year? Touchback. Damned five yards closer on the initial ball spot for kickoffs rule.

* Chiefs open at their own 20, and the first two plays gave you no reason to hope. Ol’ TJ offtackle for one. McClain up the middle for one. And then, like someone smacked him across the back of the head, DiNozzo style, Bill Muir woke up. A great crossing call to Copper for 10 and the first. The Chiefs kept marching, kept driving, finally settling for three and the early lead after having goal to go at the one. I was perfectly fine with kicking the field goal – against a superior opponent, take the points early and often, and don’t apologize for doing so.

* And the Chiefs D responds with a three and out! Unfortunately, we’re flagged for a blatant roughing the punter penalty that should have someone unemployed this morning. Thankfully, the defense holds again, forcing a very long (and completely unmakeable) Packers field goal attempt from 59. And ONCE AGAIN, special teams bites us in the ass, as we had 12 men on the field for the attempt. At this point, I turned to the guy next to me in abject horror. It’s Cleveland Browns Football from 2008 all over again!!! Inept penalties, stupid mistakes, brain farts, you’d think Romeo Crennel was our head coach!!! Oh. Wait. He is? (sawyer voice) Son of a b*tch!

* Thankfully, Crosby misses again, this time from 54. The wind in the west end zone was beyond tricky to gauge yesterday. Crosby was 0 for 2. Succup was (barely) 1 for 1.

* Chiefs take over with the short field at their own 44, 45, and here we go! They faced one third down on the entire drive, and that was at the Packers 14. Succup good again, this time from 32, and the Chiefs lead 6-0.

More importantly, at least to me? We’ve not only gone 2 for 2 in scoring on offensive possessions (albeit field goals), we’ve overcome FOUR insane brain farts already (the two special teams penalties, throwing the ball both times on goal to go at the one). Sometimes in this league, you win on skill. Sometimes, you win because your coach puts a clown suit on the other guy (like Romeo’s D did yesterday to McCarthy’s O). And sometimes, you win because you pull sh*t out of your ass that nobody sees coming. Overcoming four moronic decisions in the first 12 minutes of play? Is definitely the equivalent of pulling something out of your backside.

* Packers take over, manage to drive to midfield, and have to punt again. As someone who not only loves the phrase “defense wins championships”, but believes it to his inner core, watching Romeo’s guys yesterday gave me chills. Standing toe-to-toe with the likely NFL MVP, and frustrating the hell out of him, was a perfect Chrismukkah gift I definitely won’t be returning.

* At this point, we’re already 17 minutes in, Green Bay has yet to cross the Chiefs 40, and we’ve got the ball with a chance to do some serious damage. And to Bill Muir (who called the game of his LIFE yesterday) and Kyle Orton’s credit, they grabbed ahold of what the Pack gave them at this point, again driving the length of the field (drive started at the KC 15), again moving the ball at will (only two 3rd downs on a 15 play drive), again taking advantage of a rock solid short passing game to simply keep making plays.

Having said that … I COMPLETELY disagreed with going for it on 4th and goal at the 2 on this drive. I must have texted at least 20 times in the second half yesterday that “this game is over if we kick in 2nd qtr”. Because it would have been. Look it, I generally love the “riverboat gambler” mentality Coach Hobo brought to this team, because (a) if I was alive 150 years ago, I’d absolutely be earning a living as a riverboat gambler, and because (b) when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.

But in that spot, in that situation? The Chiefs DID have something to lose, and that’s a gimme two possession game. There’s 3:30 on the clock before halftime. To go up two possessions there means you’re virtually guaranteed the lead at the half. If nothing else, psychologically, it inspires your fans to want to see what awaits after halftime. To say nothing of the fact that if your defense keeps playing at the level they have so far, two scores might be insurmountable. (And go figure, it was). Dumb decision to go for it there.

* After stopping the Chiefs on goal to go, Green Bay takes over at their own 3. And in the fifth of the “what the hell was this joker thinking?!?!” moments that nobody else will blog / report / criticize on, Romeo Crennel calls timeout after stuffing the Packers on 2nd down. No, that wasn’t the “what the hell was this joker thinking?!?!” moment, as the Chiefs had two timeouts left, and with Green Bay at their own three, you absolutely try to maximize the field position.

The “what the eff is this clown thinking?!?!” moment came on 3rd down, as the Chiefs did NOT call timeout after a 9 yard Packers gain. To say I was coming emotionally unhinged, screaming “call timeout you dumb f*ck!” at the Chiefs sideline while constantly signaling for a timeout with my hands, is an understatement. This was STUPID. That’s FIVE fireable offenses by Romeo and/or his staff in the first half … and we’d hit the locker room up 6-0. Unbelievable.

* Chiefs get it back after the two minute warning at their own 17, 18 yard line … and Mike McCarthy starts channeling his inner Romeo Crennel, by having a complete brain fart and not calling timeout after second down (he did after first and third). Ultimately, it didn’t matter, as Green Bay went three and out. (And even more incredibly, Romeo had a smart moment! After Rodgers threw incomplete on 3rd and 2, we somehow had 12 men in the huddle for the punt. Romeo whizzed away our last timeout to save the penalty. It ensured an all or nothing return … but at least confirmed he had a pulse. That he wasn’t Art Shell Jr. So to recap: that’s SEVEN incredible brain farts / stupid decisions by Chiefs coaches, players, and/or both … and we’re WINNING 6-0 at the half! As I told the guy next to me yesterday: “we don’t deserve this”. As he replied: “yup”.

(Note: for those of you who are on board with hiring Romeo after Sunday’s win, please, re-read the previous two pages of writing. SEVEN horrendous coaching decisions in 30 minutes of play. If you hire Romeo, you’re hiring Herm Junior. I’m ok with it – I wouldn’t have fired Herm in the first place. But if Herm frustrated you, I would strongly suggest you not get on board the Romeo bandwagon.)

* Halftime! Normally, I am more than willing to rip the dumb ass halftime routines even more than your average bear. Every year, we have to sit through (pick five) Jazzercise (because dudes in tights rock), the Mayor’s Ethnic Enrichment Council on Native American Relations (yes, this one has actually occurred before), Alumni Weekend (the one that usually rocks), the “inappropriately dressed eight year olds doing their cheerleader routine as a gigantic Christmas tree all but goes down on Mrs. Claus at midfield” (again, happened before), a local college marching band making the field virtually unplayable by marching all over the place (multiple occasions), Frisbee Dogs!!! (the one that I love), sad yet poignant and respectful tributes to Chiefs legends that have tragically passed from our lives (happens way too often), and …

Well, I’d have to defer to “The Voice of Reason” on this … but I can NEVER remember a halftime like yesterday.

We’ve had the Pee Wee League teams on the field before. (Note: its usually my favorite halftime of the year.) But we’ve never had Pee Wee League Fourth Graders from Olathe … taking on Local Area Mascots!!!

KC Wolf? Check. Sluggerrrr? Check. Sizzle? Check. The UMKC Kangaroo? Check. It was the damned funniest thing I have EVER seen in my life. (Pee Wee League 4th Graders won 7-0 in case anyone cares). KC Chiefs organization? Let’s make this a YEARLY occurrence going forward. THAT was fun. If only to see Sizzle blatantly “whiff” on a tackle to tank the game. I meant what I texted to multiple people: I PRAY someone Youtube!’d that. It was hilarious.

* Pack get the ball to open the second half, and I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say, “it was ONLY 6-0?!?!” The Chiefs DOMINATED the first half, and had only six points to show for it. These tend to be the games you kick yourself in the ass over when they end. And for the next four, five minutes, that’s exactly what you were thinking.

* After a pair of three and outs, the Pack take over at their own 46 after a pathetic Dusty C punt that had me questioning if he was as high as Dusty J. (The answer: probably. Sorry champ. That punt was so awful, it entered your stratosphere.) And in a shock to nobody with a functioning brain and an IQ above 9, Aaron Rodgers abused Sabby Piscatelli for a 40 yard gain to get goal-to-go for Green Bay, and promptly abused him again in finding Donald Driver for the go-ahead score. Seriously, can we just cut Sabby now, and pray denver is dumb enough to sign him for the “play and you’re hosting a very beatable Steelers squad, and potentially going to Houston in round two if the Jets handle Baltimore!!!” bowl we’re on a crash course for in 13 days?

(Note: admit it, when I wrote four weeks ago after the Patriots debacle that there was still a decent chance the Chiefs could steal this thing at 9-7, 8-8, host a flawed squad in the wildcard (at the time, I projected Cincy), then travel to Houston in round two, while the Jets or Steelers kept winning on the other side of the bracket, you thought I was nuts. I’m not getting ahead of myself, because I do not believe at this moment that the Chiefs at broncos will be of any consequence to the Red and Gold … but admit it – hosting the Steelers (who we nearly beat with Palko under center), then traveling to Houston (without Schaub and Andre Johnson), and if the Jets keep winning on the road (as they always do in January) … admit it, you’re starting to contemplate a Cardinals-type Super Bowl run, just a little bit, for whatever flawed squad wins this division …)

* And then, just as the annoying Packers fans (who were everywhere yesterday) begin to shout, just as you begin to think “oh yeah, this is why we’re 5-8 and nearly drawing dead” thoughts in your head … Leonard Pope happens. For 40 to midfield. The Chiefs manage to hit the Packers 30 before a penalty, but (shockingly) in a credit to Bill Muir, who again, called the Game of a Lifetime yesterday, he simply took what the D gave him. You want to give me 10 yards to set up a makeable field goal, versus the first down? OK, 20 minutes to play, I’ll take it down one. Which is exactly what happened – 10 yard gain on 3rd down, Succup hits from 46, and the Chiefs retake the lead not even five minutes after Green Bay grabbed it. Huge stand upcoming.

* And the Chiefs hold, after yielding a couple first downs. Get the ball back, again drive inside the five, and take the points to go up 12-7. As I kept noting to everyone I was texting with yesterday, “if wed taken fg in 2nd qtr we’d be in great shape rt now”. As luck would have it, we WERE in great shape at that moment.

* Because the Pack go three and out, Chiefs take over at their own 34, 35, and with a little bit under 10 minutes to play, it’s all there for the taking. So allow me to type a few words in this next paragraph I didn’t envision typing as recently as 48 hours ago.

Bill Muir? Take a bow sir. Because this drive … would have made Don Coryall proud.

The Chiefs faced one third down – 3rd and goal at the 1, which Jackie Battle promptly slammed into the east end zone. And just like that, its 19-7 Chiefs, there’s barely 5 to play, and suddenly you start hearing the “Go Pack Go” chants change a little bit.

To “GO! CHIEFS! GO!” (minus the porno music, sadly).

* Chiefs start playing prevent (sadly), and for a rare occasion, the Pack move the ball, scoring with a little over two minutes to play to pull to within 5. (The EXACT margin of victory when the 2003 Chiefs fell eight years ago to the Bengals. Told you I’d bring it full circle!)

Then … the onside kick happened.

It was an epic ref meltdown, as Gene Stenatore’s crew first (misspotted) the ball, then (incorrectly) tried to penalize Green Bay for kicking it the proper ten years, then (incorrectly) tried to penalize Green Bay for touching said ball beyond ten yards, before (finally and correctly) spotting the ball at the Chiefs 45, 46 yard line. I’ll cut Stenatore some slack – he’s one of the better refs in the league (which is a bit like saying the raiders are a well-run, competently managed franchise), but my God, how do you whiff three times on where the ball should be, on a single play? Someone needs to step in and get NFL officials up to speed before someone goes Tim Donaghy on them.

* The three best plays of the game? Hang on, from NFL.com’s game play-by-play recap:

(1st and 10 at GB 24) Orton kneels for -2 yards.
(2nd and 12 at GB 26) Orton kneels for -1 yards.
(3rd and 13 at GB 27) Orton kneels for -1 yards.

Ballgame.

Season still f*cking on!!! At least for a few more days.

* Postgame, not much special. Some fun at the bus waiting for the parking lot to clear out. We hit up Fun House last night because it sounded good (and tasted as awesome as always. Again, I’m not a big eater, I’m a grazer … and I plowed through half a Meat Lovers large last night.)

And somehow, despite it all, I made it in for a full day of work on Monday.

Which brings me to the closing thought, and it is this:

* Despite EVERYTHING so far this season, we enter Chrismukkah weekend still alive for a playoff berth. And unlike 2006, this isn’t a “throw every damned thing you can find and see if it sticks” 8 separate outcomes go our way scenario. Its as simple as a three way can get!

Buffalo must beat denver. If this doesn’t happen, nothing else matters.
We have to beat oakland. If this doesn’t happen, nothing else matters.
And the Detroit freaking Lions, hosting San Diego, with a playoff berth for the first time since 1999 on the line, in a “win and we’re in, no doubt about it” scenario, would greatly help us with a win. But if they don’t? So long as the first two happen, hope springs eternal.

I joked a few weeks ago about the following facts that nobody can (positively or negatively) dispute:

* for my 10th birthday, the Chiefs had to beat denver (at Arrowhead) to keep hope alive for a playoff berth. They did, winning 37-10, and ultimately clinching their first playoff berth of my lifetime (and first in 15 years).

* for my 16th birthday, the Chiefs had to beat denver (at Arrowhead) in a “winner-takes-last-wildcard” scenario. The Chiefs did, beating denver 42-20, and the donkeys promptly fired Dan Reeves as their head coach. (Should note: this is the game that gave us one of the greatest play calls of all time, after DT sacked, stripped, and recovered elway’s fumble for a touchdown. “Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!” Oh, let’s pray that’s true again on Saturday …)

* for my 21st birthday, the most painful of them all (since it happened on said 21st birthday), the Chiefs hosted denver in the AFC Divisional Playoffs. I said all week leading into that showdown that “whoever wins is winning this Super Bowl, and probably next year too”. Godd*mmit I hate being right, as denver beat KC 14-10, and won the next two Super Bowls.

* for my 30th birthday, the Chiefs needed a myriad of outcomes to go their way, none more improbable than denver laying down at home and losing to doormat San Francisco (who we’d already beaten 41-0). Somehow, someway, denver blew it, losing in overtime 23-20 and setting off a night of prolific drinking on my part that I have never come close to matching since.

And now, as another “milestone birthday” approaches, and I turn 35 in two weeks? (chris farley in “tommy boy” voice) Well lookie here Richard! IF Buffalo beats denver, and IF Detroit beats San Diego, and IF the Chiefs beat those criminals and thugs known as the raiders?

Then KC at denver decides the division.

I don’t ask for much. But since I got one Chrismukkah miracle, and the Chiefs somehow beat the Packers to keep hope alive, I’m asking for the biggest Chrismukkah miracle of them all.

Chiefs! donkeys! 7:20pm, Sunday, January 1st! With a division title and a rematch with the Steelers in the wildcard round on the line!

Until next time, enjoy the week. And please, avoid talking about the “elephant in the room”, namely that oakland has won four straight at Arrowhead, all in blowout fashion, and it should be eight straight if the first 59 minutes of a game decided the outcome …

manana

Every non-Chiefs week 11 prediction, and possibly the Chiefs / Patriots prediction.  I have to be honest -- common sense says we lose 44-3.

And yet, I can't shake the fact that every time we play these guys, it is far, far closer than it has any right to be.  Consider the last six times we've played each other:

1. The opener in 2008, when we lost on the last play of the game.

2. The Chiefs win on Thanksgiving weekend in 2005, when it took 3 INTs by "Cut" greg wesley to pull it off.

3. The Monday Nighter in 2004, when we should have lost by 50, and had the ball with a chance to tie at the two minute warning.

4. The great "What If" of the Vermeil era, when Priest scored as time expired in 2002, and we opted to go for one and overtime, instead of two and the win.  (For what it's worth ... I still agree with that decision.)

5. The Monday Nighter in 2000, when Grbac's final throw into the end zone was dropped by Tony G as time expired.

6. The "Holy Sh*t, What the F*ck Just Happened Here?!?!" moment of a lifetime in 1999, when Adam Vinatieri had a 23 yard field goal as time expired to win ... and SHANKED it left.  I sat in section 109 that day.  I had a perfect view of the kick.  To this day, I have no damned idea how he missed it.

There is not one logical reason to believe the Chiefs can win this game.

Which is probably why I honestly believe we can.  But no matter what, if our "good friends" from the NFC North take care of business at home?  We still control our own destiny after this game.

You gotta love the worst division in NFL history.  Congrats: you're off the hook, 2010 NFC West and 1989 AFC Central ...

the abortion at arrowhead: the reaction

"Just a small town girl,
Living in a lonely world.
He took the midnight train going anywhere ..."

Let me open the recap, by giving credit where it's due, and that's to the denver broncos.  They came into the sacred grounds of Arrowhead Stadium on Sunday, and absolutely boat-raced my beloved Chiefs.  Sometimes, your best isn't good enough.  Sometimes, your enemy wins the battle.

But I'll be damned if I'm conceding the war.  Not to those f*ckers.

"Just a city boy,
Born and raised in south Detroit.
He took the midnight train going anywhere ..."

I am fully aware Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel is done-zo for the season.  I am fully aware we will be starting Tyler "Shane" Palko for the foreseeable future.  I'm aware that Cassel is the fourth major cog of this team to be lost for the season, joining Tony Moeaki, Eric Berry, and Jamaal Charles.

And all I could think about this morning, when figuring out whether to recap this abortion of a defeat or not ... and no, I'm not recapping it, at least not tonight ... all I kept coming back to ... was the final moments of one of my favorite shows of all time.

"Made in America", the finale of the Sopranos.

How dark, depressing, hopeless everything looked entering those final four minutes.  The war with the New York crew had ended horrifically, with Bobby dead, Silvio full of bullets, and Tony sleeping with a shotgun cocked and ready to fire in a safehouse.  Carlo ready to testify, and of all people, Meadow ready to marry Patsy Parisi's kid.  Patsy now on a level playing field with Tony.  It's ridiculous.  It's insane.

It's life.

"A singer in a smoky room.
The smell of wine and cheap perfume.
For a smile they can share the night,
It goes on and on and on and on ..."

And then comes that moment, with four minutes left in the series history, when Tony chooses the next song to play, and the bell on the door rings, and suddenly you realize, it's gonna be ok.

Chiefs fans?  It's gonna be ok.

"Strangers, waiting,
Up and down the boulevard,
Their shadows searching in the night ..."

We will survive this.  Are we going to lose Monday night?  It's highly likely.

And we're still highly likely to only be one back in the division, with tiebreaker over the team we're chasing.

Setting up the Showdown of the Season, in prime time, next Sunday, against the (at least on this site) HATED Pittsburgh Steelers.  Our nemesis from the 1990s, a team that Clark Judge famously (at least on this site) described as "using the Chiefs as their own personal urinal" after we lost 45-7 to them in 2006.

We haven't lost to them sense.

And we're not going to now.

"Streetlights.  People.
Living just to find emotion,
Hiding somewhere in the night ..."

I am NOT giving up on this season.  If that makes me crazy, well ... Jesus, what took you so long to figure that out?  I mean, really?  You're calling me crazy over THIS, over believing that Tyler Palko won't play worse than Matt Cassel has, over believing in this coaching staff, over believing in the team that has no business being one game out of first place, making up that one game?  THAT'S where you draw your line in the "Stevo's Crazy!" sand?!?!

"Working hard to get my fill.
Everybody wants a thrill.
Paying anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time ..."

Hell yes, I'm rolling the dice "one more time".  This team has NOTHING to lose from this point forward.  Every victory is a pleasant surprise, every defeat is a non-shocking occurance.

"Some will win, some will lose.
Some are born to sing the blues.
Will the movie never end?
It goes on and on and on and on ..."

We've been here before folks.  Five years ago.  A backup quarterback noone had faith in starting for us.  A loss to a horrific football team, coupled with a loss to a hated divisional rival, that all but eliminated the Chiefs from playoff contention.

I ask you, how did the Immaculate Fourfecta work out?

"Strangers, waiting.
Up and down the boulevard,
Their shadows searching in the night ..."

My favorite moment from this final scene of the Sopranos ... is actually right after AJ sits down at the table.  And I say this as someone who gets chills the second the door rings at the :52 mark, and Carmela enters Holsten's to begin the march to the "wait, what just happened here?!?!" finale.  When Tony and Carmela try to encourage AJ about the crappy job he's got, and he notes:

"Streetlights, people.
Living just to find emotion,
Hiding somewhere in the night ..."

in my favorite moment of my favorite scene of the series:

"Right.  Focus on the good times."

Wait.  What?

Or in Tony's words, "don't be sarcastic!"
And AJ's reply, "Isn't that what you said one time, to focus on the times that were good?"

There's still a lot of good to focus on, Chiefs fans, not the least of which is that if the floor falls out during these last seven games, you Suck4Luckers might get, uuh, lucky.  (Although probably not, like a typical "I live in mommy's basement" blogger who advocated the campaign from the start.)

Focus on the good times.  Next Sunday is going to ROCK folks.  We're doing deep fried turkeys, and only God knows what else.  For Green Bay, we're doing a fish fry with Ray and his crew.  And for oakland ... come on, it's oakland, we're gonna vandalize cars and steal sh*t.  (I kid, I kid, for any law enforcement officials reading this).

This season's not over yet.  Ask the 2001 Patriots how replacing a mediocre QB with a dude who's never started a game before can work out for you.  Ask the 2006 Cowboys how that can work out for you.  Ask the 2002 Jets, the 2006 Chargers, the 1994 Nebraska Cornhuskers, led by the freshman walk-on from Wahoo, Matt Turman.  I'm pretty sure all of us who love Husker football, were perfectly fine with having to start a freshman walk-on at a top 10 program in KSU that October, after Tommie Frazier had clotting issues, and Brook Berringer had shoulder issues.

"Don't stop believing!
Hold on to that feeling!
Streetlights!  People!  O-o-oh!"

Don't stop --"

And if I'm wrong?  If this season is over, and we have no hope or chance left of salvaging at least a 30-7 ass whipping in the wildcard round?

Ask the 2006 denver broncos how well changing quarterbacks down the stretch can work out for you.  (stevo voice) as always: f*ck you denver.  F*CK YOU!

its over when its over, part dos

“It’s the first snap,

Of the last straw,

Where regrets outlast

The alcohol.

It’s a cold sweat,

In an empty bed,

And your dreams are like a knife

When you’re hanging by a thread.

And know maybe we can make it,

If we just play the right cards …”

-- “It’s Over When It’s Over” by Eric Church, part dos …

-------------------------

And now, Part II of the “Wait, Stevo Just Sucker Punched Me?!?!” Post of the Year … and let me open it with one small (ok, possibly “mid”) sized commentary, and it is this:

It’s over when it’s over.

And this season?  Of promise, of hope, of a lifetime?

It’s over when it’s over.

So let me conclude said opening thoughts with this.  And back the iPod back two tracks.

“To this day? 

When I hear that song?

I see you standing there

On that lawn.

Discount shades,

Store bought tan.

Flip flops and

Cutoff jeans.

Somewhere between

That setting sun?

“I’m On Fire” and

“Born to Run”,

You looked at me?

And I was done.

Thought …

Just gettin’ started …

When I think about you?

I think about seventeen!

I think my old Jeep!

I think about the stars in the sky!

Funny how a memory,

Sounds like a melody,
Like a soundtrack to a
July Saturday Night …

Springsteen …”

I love this game, this week, more than any non-breathing part of my life.  (Yes, there are people I love more than donkeys week.  Shocking, I know, but still …)

“When you think about me?

Do you think about seventeen?

Do you think about my old Jeep?

Do you think about the stars in the sky?

Funny how a memory,

Sounds like a melody!

Like a soundtrack,

To a (November Thursday) night …

Springsteen …

Oh Sprinsteen …”

Coming below?  My AFC Midseason Predictions.  Coming Manana?  My Week Ten Predictions, with thoughts on Sunday’s Chiefs / broncos game as always.  Just know this:

When I think about this game?  When I think about how much this game, this moment in time means to me?

I don’t think about the game.  I think about the people I share it with. 

And if that means the unthinkable going forward?  That a donkeys fan(s) is in our midst?  That we accept the enemy into our group as anything BUT the enemy?

(wait for it …)

“Springsteen”.


(yes, the awful, offkey male is me.  DEAL WITH IT!  if you'd been there for this concert, you'd have the same one word reaction i have.  (wait for it ...)  springsteen.  having said that ...)

(yeah, no CLUE how I’m topping THIS tomorrow … but tune in to find out …  (quaqmire voice) giggity giggity ... giggity goo.)

-----------------------------

Last night, I started to look at just how wretchedly awful the AFC is, and what the contenders (all 13 of them!!!  OK, ok, Cleveland is barely hanging on ...) have left.  And man, is it ugly for just about all of them.

Still, barring an outbreak of ties that would make the 1990s NHL jealous, someone has to win these games.  Someone has to make the playoffs.  Someone has to be offered up as the sacrificial lamb to whoever emerges from the NFC*.  So let's take a gander at how I see the AFC standing come late January.

(*: of course, any team can win, on any given Sunday.  But having said that, the ONLY AFC team I'd even contemplate taking against a NFC squad on the neutral Lucas Oil Field right now is Baltimore, and possibly Houston if someone other than Green Bay wins the NFC.)

AFC East:

Current Situation: a three team tie at 5-3.  Each contender is currently 1-1 against the other.  Each still has one game left against the other two, starting this Sunday night at the Fake Meadowlands, when the Patriots and Jets square off.

In the Division's Favor: all three teams appear to be solidly constructed teams capable of winning on any given Sunday.

Against the Division's Favor: the Pats and Jets still have roadies to Philly coming up.  The Bills still have a roadie to Dallas (this week).  The Jets and Giants square off on Christmas Eve. 

Wildcard Factor: the division might come down to whether the Pats and Jets can handle the Redskins in Washington in mid-December.  The Bills already took care of business against the Skins (and the Eagles).  Pats and Jets have to split their NFC East roadies to get the upper hand over Buffalo.

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the New York Jets, at 10-6.  Their four toughest games left are all at home (albeit a split crowd for the Giants).  If they can take 3 of 4 (with one being New England), and beat Miami and Washington on the road, they should survive on tiebreakers.

Stevo's Pick to Just Miss the Playoffs: the New England Patriots, at 10-6.  That loss at Pittsburgh will prove fatal.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: the Buffalo Bills.  They have to win one of the four tough roadies (at Patriots, at Jets, at Chargers, at Cowboys) just to get to ten wins.  And that presumes they take care of business against Miami, Tennessee, and a surging broncos team.  Smells like a 5-2 fade to 8-8 to me.

AFC North:

Current Situation: even though the Bengals technically are in first place, the Ravens hold the upper hand, in that they've already swept the Steelers, and still have two left against the Bengals, including in Cincy to close the regular season.  The Steelers are essentially playing for a wildcard berth, and the Browns are hanging on by the barest of margins.

In the Division's Favor: they play the NFC West and AFC South, the two worst divisions top to bottom in the NFL.

Against the Division's Favor: Houston and San Francisco are both rock solid teams that will give the North contenders fits down the stretch, starting Thanksgiving Night in the Harbaugh Bowl.

Wildcard Factor: the Sunday nighters on the road against the AFC West might determine the division.  Pittsburgh is at Kansas City in three weeks; Baltimore is at San Diego in six weeks.  I

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Baltimore Ravens at 12-4.  They're by far and away the class of the AFC at this point, and nobody else is even close.

Stevo's Pick to Make the Playoffs: the Cincinnati Bengals at 11-5.  Split with Baltimore and Pittsburgh, and every other game is extremely winnable.

Stevo's Pick to Make the Playoffs II: the Pittsburgh Steelers at 10-6.  Solely and completely because they held on at home against the Patriots two weeks ago.  Sometimes, one game in November makes all the difference in the world.  (And man, will it this year ...)

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: the Cleveland Browns.  They're done.  I know their next two are at home against the Rams and Jags.  I don't care.  They're done. 

AFC South:

Current Situation: if the Houston Texans don't have this division clinched by December 11th, Gary Kubiak should be fired on the spot.  They're essentially 2 1/2 up with 7 to go.  Even the Chiefs held on in that spot last year.

In the Division's Favor: nothing.  They play the AFC North and NFC South, two divisions loaded with seven current playoff contenders (six if you dismiss Cleveland), and a "capable of beating anyone" Cam Newton led Panthers team.

Against the Division's Favor: everything.  The Titans haven't won in a month, the Colts haven't won in a year, and the Jaguars have embraced the youth movement (as well they should).  Again, if the Houston Texans have not clinched first place by December 11th, and a bye by December 19th, Gary Kubiak should be fired on the spot.

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Houston Texans, at 11-5.  I project a shocking upset loss at Jacksonville keeps the Texans from getting the one seed (they hold tiebreaker over the Ravens due to head-to-head victory).  Because if anyone can piss away home field advantage to a team that hasn't played a meaningful game since 2007, its the Gary Kubiak led Houston Texans.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: every other team in the division.  The Titans have lost three straight, the Colts haven't won since the calendar turned, and while I think the Jags have two massive upsets left in them, one of which will destroy the hopes of an AFC West team, they won't do better than 7-9 at best.

AFC West:

Current Situation: for the first time in NFL history, a three way tie for first exists at 4-4 ... and denver is surging fast at 3-5.  The Chiefs currently have the upper hand because ... well, only God knows why, but somehow, a team with the third worst point differential in the league would HOST the Ravens if the playoffs started today.  AFC FEVER BABY!!!

In the Division's Favor: in the words of Sunny Ledfurd, "not a god d*mned thing".  All four teams have a brutal late November / early December coming up, starting this week, with all divisional games that see rematches to end the season.

Against the Division's Favor: They face the NFC North and AFC East.  To say nothing of beating each other senseless inside the division (everyone still has three divisional games left).

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Kansas City Chiefs, at 9-7.  What, you'd expect anything else?  I honestly think this division hinges on five outcomes, and my predicted outcome to each:

1. denver at Kansas City, week 11: this is denver's season, for all intents and purposes.  They lose this one, they cannot finish better than 3-3 in the division (and they'd likely have to run the table to close at 10-6 to have any postseason shot.  With a trip to Lambeau, a visit from the Patriots, and a trip to the Q still to come, good luck with that.)  For the Chiefs though, this one is almost as important, because they need to keep pace with the Chargers in the divisional column (Chiefs have tiebreaker, temporarily, due to conference schedule, provided they keep pace with the Norv's in the divisional column.)  Let's just say, this "Day I Live For" is bigger than most in recent years.

2. San Diego at Chicago, week 12 / Kansas City at Chicago, week 14.  Both teams will be underdogs, but both are more than capable of winning this game.  The teams are so close that if Chicago were hitting the road?  You'd probably make both KC and San Diego slight favorites, and lay the points.  I'm glad San Diego goes first -- it lets us know what we have to do.  I'm guessing we will have a GOLDEN opportunity in three weeks to gain a game on San Diego.

3. San Diego at oakland, week 17.  This week's game really is meaningless, because both teams have already beaten the Chiefs once, and have already won in denver.  The finale though?  Could be for all the marbles.  Would not surprise me at all if this winds up your week seventeen flexer.

4. Pittsburgh at Kansas City week 13 / Baltimore at San Diego week 15.  Once again, both favorites face the same exact position, two weeks apart -- Sunday nighters against the powerhouse teams of the AFC Central.  Gun to my head?  Both teams spring the upset -- the Chiefs usually play the Steelers tough, the Chargers season is likely on the line.  But I wouldn't bet the family farm on those outcomes.

But the reason I think the Chiefs steal the division at 9-7 on tiebreakers with the Chargers?  The game I've had circled for two months as the decider:

5. San Diego at Jacksonville, week 14.  Why, I can hear you asking, does THIS game matter?  Ask the Ravens what playing at Alltel in prime time is like.  The Jaguars demolished them on Monday night three weeks ago, and right now, as noted yesterday, the Ravens are the only AFC team I'd give a snowballs chance in you-know-where of staying within three of Green Bay or San Fran.  This is the upset that springs the Chiefs to the tiebreaker -- both KC and San Diego will finish 9-7, both will finish 5-1 in the division ... but KC gets to 8-4 in the conference, while San Diego finishes 7-5.  Sorry Norv.  Enjoy unemployment.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: nobody.  If anyone will, its oakland ... but I honestly think all four teams will finish in the 9-7 to 7-9 range.  And I think we're looking at all four teams being packed together for a few seasons to come.  Just like the AFC West used to be.

So ...

Final Predicted AFC Field (and initial projections based on predicted AFC Field):

1. Baltimore Ravens 12-4.

2. Houston Texans 11-5.

3. New York Jets 10-6.

4. Kansas City Chiefs 9-7.

5. Cincinnati Bengals 11-5.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6.

AFC Postseason:

6 Steelers 28, at 3 Jets 10.  We've seen this scenario before ... Pittsburgh sneaks in on final day of the season, faces shakily quarterbacked team in divisional round ...

at 3 Chiefs 20, Bengals 13.  The best possible matchup for KC to draw.  Seriously.  Arrowhead will RATTLE Andy Dalton.

6 Steelers 17, at 1 Ravens 10.  We've seen this scenario before ... the last three years and counting in fact.  Steelers and Ravens in the playoffs.  Steelers move to 3-0 against these guys when it counts.

3 Chiefs 28, at 2 Texans 20.  Let me put it this way -- winnable road game, against shaky coaching, shaky quarterback play, and if you don't get why I predicted a Chiefs team to win in Houston in January 28-20, well, Google search January 16, 1994.  Let's just say, shakier Chiefs teams than this one have stunned the world down there when it counts.

Setting up:

6 Steelers at 3 Chiefs, AFC Championship, 2:30pm CT Sunday January 22, 2012.  Re-read every scenario just laid out above.  Re-run the schedules.  For those of you who think one ridiculous defeat in November to an awful Dolphins team (that I take FULL and COMPLETE blame for*) roo-eens the season?  Re-read every scenario just laid out above.  Re-run the schedules.

(*: The first three weeks of the season, I wore (in order) my Jamaal Charles Pro Bowl t-shirt (L vs Bills), my long-sleeved yellow Chiefs t-shirt (L at Lions), and my Puma Chiefs sweatshirt (now in it's 14th year of usage!) that saw the Chiefs lose late at San Diego.  For the Vikings game?  I changed to my grey Chiefs t-shirt I had never worn for a game before.  The Chiefs won.  I wore it again for Indy.  The Chiefs won.  Again for oakland, again for victory.  Then the ultimate gamble -- the Monday nighter against San Diego.  Believing in the "Power of the Grey", I absolutely wore it ... but because the game was at night, I had a dilemma: risk mixing it with proven "lovable loser" Puma Chiefs sweatshirt ... or break in the DT hoodie my mommy bought me a few weeks ago?  I broke in the DT hoodie ... and believe me, with :54 to go in that game, NOBODY blamed themselves more for the inevitable defeat to come, than me.  NOBODY.  Then ... FUMBLE!  RECOVERY!  And finally, VICTORY!

I left the hotel for the airport at 6:50am Sunday morning ... in my yellow Chiefs t-shirt.  I'd forgotten to pack the "Power of the Grey".  Chiefs fans, it is my fault, and my fault alone, that we lost that game.  I PROMISE you, come high noon on Sunday, I will be in the "Power of the Grey" ... and the DT hoodie if it's a little bit Nipsey Russell at kickoff.)

Again, call me crazy, call me what you will ...

(eric church voice) Springsteen ...

(stevo voice) Springsteen!

a brief moment of joy before the full recap

(10:20ish, this morning, at mass)
(stevo) (assumes his seat in the pew)
(stevo) (somehow remembers how to properly cross himself)
(stevo's mom) hey! (hugs all around.) what took you so long?
(stevo) i lit some candles!
(stevo's mom) (in a complete state of shock) oh. for who?
(stevo) well, for greg. and for my boss' husband.
(stevo's mom) (faking sincerity) aw, that's nice. and what's this?
(stevo's mom) (sees stevo's chiefs bracelet on his left arm)
(stevo) that was candle number three!
(stevo's mom) (apoplectic) really? you lit a candle for a football team? Really? For a 1 and 3 football team playing somewhere we have never won before?
(stevo) yes! (pauses in shock) your point?
(stevo's mom) i'm (pauses) i'm so damned proud of you! you are DEFINITELY my kid!
(stevo) (in shock) what?!?!
(stevo's mom) (stevo's mom fighting off tears) i KNEW you'd never give up on this team! (reaches for a hug)
(stevo) uuh, ok ...

OK, ok, so mom didn't fight off tears. But every other part of that intro, was absolute truth this morning at Mass. I not only showed up ... Mom signed off on me lighting a candle to save the season! And you know what?

SEASON! EFFING! ON!!!!!

And what else needs to be said? On a day when I actually attended Mass (because my cousin's daughter was being baptised, and "stevo's brother", aka Drew, you owe me BIG TIME for representing our part of the family ... on a day when I actually step foot in Church and said Church doesn't immediately blow up in flames and/or destruction ... you know what? Today feels DAMNED good!

OUR team trailed 17-0 when I left brunch. It was 24-7 when I headed towards The Deck to watch the second half. And as I texted DJ and Kellie at the Speedway when it was finally over:

"21 Straight! Chiefs rally! Chiefs win! SEASON! FUCKING! ON!"

Season fucking on. What more needs to be said. Well, lots needs to be, beginning tomorrow, not the least of which is the fact that I started Matt Cassel on my primary fantasy team today. I had faith. (OK, that's an abject lie -- I had nobody else to play.) But Matthew, take a long, deserved bow.

SEASON! FUCKING! ON!!!!! And you're god damned right I ain't editing "fucking" in that statement ...

chiefs fans guide on who to root for

What a huge day today is. The NBA owners and players meet with only the entire 2011-2012 season on the line. The MU Board of Curators meets with only the entire Big XII conference's existance on the line.

Thankfully, the Chiefs can't lose today. If anything, they caught a break by the Colts starting Curtis Painter last night. We've now got a scouting report on how to defense the guy.

As I noted yesterday, the Chiefs are now just one more solid performance away from injecting themselves squarely into the thick of the wildcard race, and we're one decent denver performance away (or one more typical Norv Turner coaching effort away) from controlling our own destiny in the AFC West chase. For those of you who think I am freaking insane for believing that ... this post is for you. So get your reading glasses and your favorite adult beverage and/or herbal remedy, and prepare to be drawn back into this season.

The first quarter of the season is over. Every team has played four games. Here's your handy dandy Stevo Rooting Guide for the second quarter of the season.

First, the current AFC Standings, by division.

East:
Bills 3-1-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 3-1-0 conference.
Patriots 3-1-0 overall, 1-1-0 division, 3-1-0 conference.
Jets 2-2-0 overall, 0-0-0 division, 1-2-0 conference.
Dolphins 0-4-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 0-3-0 conference.

North:
Ravens 3-1-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 2-1-0 conference.
Bengals 2-2-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 2-1-0 conference.
Browns 2-2-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 2-1-0 conference.
Steelers 2-2-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 1-2-0 conference.

South:
Texans 3-1-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 3-0-0 conference.
Titans 3-1-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 3-1-0 conference.
Jaguars 1-3-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 1-1-0 conference.
Colts 0-4-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 0-3-0 conference.

West:
Chargers 3-1-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 2-1-0 conference.
raiders 2-2-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 2-2-0 conference.
Chiefs 1-3-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 0-2-0 conference.
broncos 1-3-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 1-2-0 conference.

At this point, we can effectively say three teams are out of postseason contention. The Colts and Dolphins are both winless, are both without their starting quarterbacks, and are essentially tanking the season for a shot at Andrew Luck. And the Jags have already waved the white flag by turning the team over to Blaine Gabbert (which was the absolute right decision). The other thirteen teams are all very much alive for a playoff berth.

Here's what each of those thirteen teams face over the next five weeks, the second quarter of the season, and my thoughts on the schedule, and who to root for in each contest.

Bills: vs Eagles (1-3-0) / at Giants (3-1-0) / bye / vs Redskins (3-1-0) / vs Jets (2-2-0).
Thoughts: We need the Bills to collapse, because the Bills hold the tie-breaker over the Chiefs via head-to-head victory. Fortunately, the Bills have played a relatively easy schedule so far, and it's about to turn ugly. The Eagles are in desperation mode on Sunday. The Giants keep winning ugly. The Redskins somehow are tied for the best record in the division. And the Jets will need this one, if only to secure second place in the division (and the likely wild-card berth that would bring with it).
Rooting Interests: root AGAINST Buffalo in at least the three NFC contests. If they drop all three (doubtful -- they should beat Washington at home), then you can cheer for whoever you want in the Jets game. Again, the Bills hold tiebreaker over the Chiefs, and there's nothing we can do to change that. We need Bills defeats. This stretch represents an outstanding shot at picking up some numbers in the Bills L column.
Prediction: L vs Eagles / L at Giants / W vs Redskins / W vs Jets.

Patriots: vs Jets (2-2-0) / vs Cowboys (2-2-0) / bye / at Steelers (2-2-0) / vs Giants (3-1-0).
Thoughts: if, like me, you believe the Patriots to be the class of the division, root for some wins. This is a tough stretch -- every team is a legitimate threat to reach at least the divisional round of their respective conference's postseason. But three of four at home, and the roadie is against a team they usually beat.
Rooting Interests: root FOR the Patriots in every contest ... except the Jets game, if you believe the Jets are the class of the division. We need one of the three East threats to pull away from the others. It does NOT matter which one. But ONLY one needs to pull away from the pack.
Prediction: W vs Jets / W vs Cowboys / W at Steelers / W vs Giants.

Jets: at Patriots (3-1-0) / vs Dolphins (0-4-0, MNF) / vs Chargers (3-1-0) / bye / at Bills (3-1-0)
Thoughts: an 0 for 4 stretch is not unrealistic. Two tough divisional roadies, a home game against the West division leaders, and while the Dolphins are terrible, trust me as a Jets fan, they are our house of horrors. Doesn't matter how awful the Dolphins are, they will give the Jets a game in two weeks.
Rooting Interests: AGAINST the Jets in the first two games, and FOR the Jets in the last two.
Prediction: L at Patriots / W vs Dolphins / W vs Chargers / L at Bills.

Ravens: bye / vs Texans (3-1-0) / at Jaguars (1-3-0, MNF) / vs Cardinals (1-3-0), at Steelers (2-2-0, SNF)
Thoughts: this is the team to root for in the North. We want separation. Unfortunately, I don't think we're going to get it.
Rooting Interests: FOR the Ravens in ALL four games.
Prediction: W vs Texans / W at Jaguars / W vs Cardinals / L at Steelers.

Bengals: at Jaguars (1-3-0) / vs Colts (0-4-0) / bye / at Seahawks (1-3-0) / at Titans (3-1-0).
Thoughts: wow. This might be your "how they hell are they in contention?!?!" contender come Thanksgiving weekend.
Rooting Interests: AGAINST the Bengals in at least the first three games. Coin flip for who to root for in the Titans matchup.
Prediction: W at Jaguars / W vs Colts / W at Seahawks / L at Titans.

Browns: bye / at raiders (2-2-0) / vs Seahawks (1-3-0) / at 49ers (3-1-0) / at Texans (3-1-0)
Thoughts: the Browns should be 4-0 right now. Losing at home to the Bengals and Titans is inexcusable. Their next four aren't that tough, but you have to figure they're going to lose at least one game in this stretch they have no business losing.
Rooting Interests: FOR the Browns at oakland, AGAINST the Browns for the NFC West teams and the Texans.
Prediction: L at raiders / W vs Seahawks / L at 49ers / L at Texans.

Steelers: vs Titans (3-1-0) / vs Jaguars (1-3-0) / at Cardinals (1-3-0) / vs Patriots (3-1-0, SNF) / vs Ravens (3-1-0, SNF)
Thoughts: it all depends on how hurt Big Ben is. Having four of five at home doesn't hurt.
Rooting Interests: doesn't really matter? I'd say against the Steelers, particularly in the Ravens game (would give Ravens tiebreaker), but the Chiefs still have the Steelers coming to Arrowhead, so we can still gain tiebreaker over them.
Prediction: W vs Titans / W vs Jaguars / W at Cardinals / L vs Patriots / W vs Ravens.

Texans: vs raiders (2-2-0) / at Ravens (3-1-0) / at Titans (3-1-0) / vs Jaguars (1-3-0) / vs Browns (2-2-0).
Thoughts: who would have ever thought Texans at Titans might decide the division?
Rooting Interests: we want either Houston or Tennessee to pull away from the pack, and the other one to collapse. Personally, I'm rooting AGAINST the Texans, because they're the better team.
Prediction: W vs raiders / L at Ravens / L at Titans / W vs Jaguars / W vs Browns.

Titans: at Steelers (2-2-0) / bye / vs Texans (3-1-0) / vs Colts (0-4-0) / vs Bengals (2-2-0).
Thoughts: if somehow they can pull off the upset on Sunday at the Ketchup Bottle, look out. Interesting to note -- the Titans will hit midseason without playing a NFC team. Which means in the second half of the season, they go to Carolina and Atlanta, host New Orleans and Tampa, visit Buffalo, and they are at Houston in week seventeen. I'd argue anything less than 3-1 in this stretch means they're not playing past January 1st.
Rooting Interests: either FOR the Titans in all games, or AGAINST the Titans in all games (if you prefer the Texans to win the South). Again, we need ONE of these two to collapse.
Prediction: L at Steelers / W vs Texans / W vs Colts / W vs Bengals.

Chargers: at broncos (1-3-0) / bye / at Jets (2-2-0) / at Chiefs (1-3-0, MNF) / vs Packers (4-0-0).
Thoughts: come on denver!!! COME ON denver!!! LET'S GO DONKEYS!!!
Rooting Interests: AGAINST the Chargers in all four games. I believe our interests are going to pay off awesomely.
Prediction: L at broncos / L at Jets / L at Chiefs / L vs Packers. And if anyone can find a way to lose to bye, it's Norval Eugene Turner.

raiders: at Texans (3-1-0) / vs Browns (2-2-0) / vs Chiefs (1-3-0) / bye / vs broncos (1-3-0).
Thoughts: interesting stretch. Very interesting stretch. Also, we'll reach week ten, and the raiders will still have to travel to Lambeau, Arrowhead, and Qualcomm, AND host Detroit, Chicago, and San Diego.
Rooting Interests: AGAINST the raiders in all four games. And FOR a terrorist attack on the o.co week 9 early in the second quarter.
Prediction: L at Texans / W vs Browns / L vs Chiefs / W vs broncos.

broncos: vs Chargers (3-1-0) / bye / at Dolphins (0-4-0) / vs Lions (4-0-0) / at raiders (2-2-0).
Thoughts: it all comes down to Sunday. If they upset the Chargers, they'll be a team we have to deal with come mid November.
Rooting Interests: FOR denver against the Chargers and raiders, AGAINST denver when they face Miami and Detroit. And FOR the team plane to crash, and there to be no survivors.
Prediction: W vs Chargers / W at Dolphins / L vs Lions / L at raiders.

And finally ...

Chiefs: at Colts (0-4-0) / bye / at raiders (2-2-0) / vs Chargers (3-1-0, MNF) / vs Dolphins (0-4-0).
Thoughts: this game at Indianapolis is the biggest game of the season for the Chiefs. With a win, the table is set for a six game winning streak heading into the Patriots Monday nighter. A loss on Sunday thought? The season goes on life support, and the priest is standing by to administer last rites.
Rooting Interests: FOR the Chiefs, in all games.
Prediction: W at Colts / W at raiders / W vs Chargers / W vs Dolphins.

Five weeks from now, this is how I project the AFC contenders will look:

East:
Patriots 7-1-0 overall, 2-1-0 division, 5-1-0 conference.
Bills 5-3-0 overall, 2-0-0 division, 4-1-0 conference.
Jets 4-4-0 overall, 1-2-0 division, 3-4-0 conference.

North:
Ravens 6-2-0 overall, 1-1-0 division, 4-2-0 conference.
Steelers 6-3-0 overall, 1-1-0 division, 4-3-0 conference.
Bengals 5-3-0 overall, 1-0-0 division, 4-2-0 conference.
Browns 3-5-0 overall, 0-1-0 division, 2-3-0 conference.

South:
Titans 6-2-0 overall, 2-1-0 division, 6-2-0 conference.
Texans 6-3-0 overall, 2-1-0 division, 6-2-0 conference.

West:
Chiefs 5-3-0 overall, 2-1-0 division, 4-2-0 conference.
raiders 4-4-0 overall, 2-1-0 division, 4-4-0 conference.
broncos 3-5-0 overall, 1-2-0 division, 3-3-0 conference.
Chargers 3-5-0 overall, 1-2-0 division, 2-4-0 conference.

It's not over yet folks. It's not even close to being over ...

profiles in epic comebacks: your 1996 dallas cowboys

“Where do we go from here?
This isn’t where we intended to be.
We had it all!
You believed in me. I believed in you.

Certainties disappear.
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I’m concealing
Things that I’m longing to say.
Scared to confess what I’m feeling,
Frightened you’ll slip away.

You must love me …”

-- your 1996 Academy Award nominated performance by Madonna from the “Evita” soundtrack, “You Must Love Me”. And yes, if you want to openly mock me for loving this musical, feel free to fire away, I can take it. It’s that damned solid of a musical …

---------------------

Yesterday at beautiful Arrowhead Stadium, in perfect weather conditions, our flawed Chiefs team got off the mat, touched gloves with the Vikings, and delivered one helluva right-hand punch squarely into the Vikings jaw.

Chiefs 22, Vikings 17.

I am aware there is still a solid block of Chiefs fans who think this season is toast. We’re 1-3 at the quarter pole. We have injury issues the likes of which we haven’t seen in this town in a long, long time. And my God, the late November / early December schedule! We done be screwed!

And to those of you who feel that way, at least one of you who sent me a message on Facebook that inspired an all-time classic Stevo meltdown, I give you one of the most inspirational teams I have ever had the privilege of seeing play in person.

The 1996 Dallas Cowboys.

Like the Chiefs, the 96 Cowboys opened 1-3. They got demolished in their opener at Chicago in front of the nation on a Monday night. They demolished an awful Giants team in their home opener. They lost on a 50 yard field goal at the gun in week three. And they lost on a last second field goal at Buffalo in week four to tumble to 1-3 entering October.

With a visit to the Eagles, a 10-6 divisional round team the year before, on tap, again on Monday Night Football. (The previous year, the game at Philly went down in the annals of history, as Barry Switzer went for it on 4th and 1, in the fourth quarter of a tie game, at his own 22 – twice! The only complaint I ever had about that … was that he called the same play twice in a row. (Offsetting penalties resulting in replaying the down.) The way the Dallas D was imploding, he made the absolute right call in going for it.)

Like the Chiefs, the 96 Cowboys had serious injury issues. Emmitt Smith landed on his head in the opener on a short yardage play, resulting in temporary paralysis and lingering concussion issues throughout the season. The second wideout, Kevin Williams, went down with an ankle issue in the loss to Buffalo. Which would have been ok … had the primary wideout, Michael Irvin, not been suspended for the first five games of the season due to his unfortunate choice of doing some lines of blow with a group of “self employed models”.

Entering that Monday nighter at Philly, staring 1-4 in the face (the Eagles entered 3-1), well, how can I put this delicately. Chiefs fans, if you think WE have issues? These were the starting wide receivers that night at The Vet:

Deion Sanders.

And Herschel Walker.

Now, the NFL savvy amongst you reading this instantly realize “wait a second … Deion Sanders isn’t a wide receiver!” And you would be correct. (Deion actually started at WR all five games of Irvin’s suspension. To compensate for that, Barry Switzer stopped using Deion to return kicks, bringing back Herschel Walker to handle those duties. Now? He’s gotta start Herschel at WR because he was the second best option the Cowboys had, behind their starting cornerback. Again Chiefs fans, you think we’re up sh*ts creek? You haven’t seen sh*ts creek yet.)

Living in Dallas at the time (ok, ok, south Fort Worth), I had to suffer a lot of Cowboys fans. (The 1996 Chiefs opened 4-0, the fourth win being the final defeat that (insert very long string of obsenities here) john elway would ever be handed at Arrowhead. Good times!) To say Cowboys Nation was in a near state of panic entering that Monday nighter at the hated Eagles, is an understatement of Biblical proportions.

(editors note: that was the most epic brain fart of epic brain farts imaginable. The Chiefs still had one final "ram it up his ass!" victory to enjoy over elway, fourteen months later. Pete for President!!!!! And you're damned right I picked this link because the "broncos fan author of it" was too godd*mned stupid to realize the 35-31 loss by us in 1998 occurred AT denver. Jesus f*cking Christ, if you're going to toss sh*t out there to support your team, at least get the godd*mned venue correct, you f*cking f*ckhead of a f*ck. Wow, I really hate denver apparently. Having said that ... these are pretty much the same exact ten games I'd pick. Although I'd have swapped 2 and 1. Sorry, as great as Montana to Davis was, Playoffs trumps it. Excuse me while I bash my head on the window sill while chugging large quantities of vodka ...)

Philly, as expected, rolled early. They led 10-0 after a field goal early in the second quarter.

And then, one play changed everything.

As this fatally flawed Cowboys team, desperate for ANYTHING to go right, lined up to return the kick, a desperate Barry Switzer came up with a “why the hell didn’t you try this before now?!?!” decision*.

(*: again, Chiefs fans, you think our coaching staff leaves a lot to be desired? And I don't for what it's worth ... but the Cowboys were coached by Barry Switzer. A tremendous college coach, an underrated pro coach, but still, Barry EFFING Switzer! If anyone could rally a team from a 1-3 hole ... he most certainly was not on your list of your top 10,038,482,385,387 candidates to do so.)

He lined up both Deion Sanders AND Herschel Walker to return the kick, sacrificing a gunner to ensure that someone would return the kickoff, and possibly jump-start a miraculous turnaround*.

(*: if you can find the clip of this return, take note -- that awesome Bears return two weeks ago against Green Bay that everyone is fellating? Uuh, Barry Switzer and Joe Avezanno came up with that fifteen f*cking years ago on this particular return. There is NOTHING in today's NFL that hasn't been tried at least once before. Never forget that.)

It worked – Herschel Walker took the kickoff 94 yards to the Eagles end zone. The Cowboys rallied to win that game 23-19, to get to 2-3 entering the bye, a chance to regroup, recover, and get healthy.

And then go on one helluva second half run, against an insanely difficult stretch of games, after padding the stat sheet against a couple of also-rans and pretenders.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED! Dallas won its next game against a hapless opponent (Arizona, in Dallas), then beat a decent Falcons squad (they were a 1995 wildcard team) on the road. Neither outcome was all that surprising – you would expect the defending Super Bowl champions to defeat a hapless Cardinals team, and a reeling Falcons squad*, no matter where they played them, no matter how beat up they were.

(*: your Falcons head coach, who was poop canned during this lost season? June Jones! Yes, THAT June Jones! Again, all these "throw the ball all over the field" offenses now in vogue? Hello, Run and Shoot of the 1990s! There is NOTHING in the current day that hasn't been tried before. Never forget that.)

And then came the stretch that every pundit and prognosticator said would BURY the Cowboys, now back to a respectable 4-3, only a game back of the Eagles, who appeared to be the most credible threat to end the Cowboys sustained run atop the NFC East. I know fifteen years ago is a long time, but think of the football world in the mid 1990s and you’ll see why nearly every fan in the Metroplex wearing blue and white was scared sh*tless:

* at Miami. The Dolphins were a playoff team in 1995. And oh yeah, they’d hired some dude named Jimmy Johnson to coach the team in 1996. I seem to recall a dude named Jimmy Johnson winning two straight Super Bowls with … oh yeah, the Cowboys! It was the Jimmy / Jerry Bowl. (If you didn’t live in Dallas then, pat yourself on the back for missing out on the insane overhype of this game.)

* vs Philly. The Eagles were the heavy favorites in the division, a game ahead of Dallas at this point. Virtually everyone said this was a “must win” game if the Cowboys had ANY chance to repeat. (A statement I agreed with, for what it’s worth.)

* at San Francisco. The 49ers were in year sixteen of their insane eighteen year run of winning at least ten games every year. (They made the playoffs in seventeen of those seasons.) And oh yeah, Dallas vs San Francisco was THE game every year in the NFC. Unless the “third party” to the NFC Party showed up, and it just so happened that team was …

* vs Green Bay. The Cowboys had beaten the Packers in the NFC Title Game the previous season. The Packers were the odds on favorites to win the Super Bowl at this point. (Something they would go on to do, by the way.)

Is that a brutal stretch or what? Especially for a 4-3 team with serious injury issues, serious “is our coach any good” issues, serious “my God our general manager is a moron!” issues. (Any of this sound familiar, Chiefs fans? Any of you had issues with coaching, on-field play, our rash of injuries, or the man who assembled the roster in the last month? Uum, I plead the fifth.)

Dallas went to Miami, and went to the locker room at halftime trailing 10-9. I will never forget how cocky, how self-assured, how arrogant Jimmy Johnson looked as he was interviewed by Chris Myers heading to the locker room. I will also never forget watching this game with my roommates, and seeing Vineet and Frank in full on meltdown mode. There was no consoling them. Their season was slipping away and …

Then the third quarter happened. Whatever the hell happened at halftime, whoever opened their mouth, something incredible happened.

Dallas 29, Miami 10.

The next week, the one game in this stretch nearly EVERYONE agreed Dallas had to win? Saw the Cowboys with goal to go and barely 30 seconds to play, trailing 24-21. I was at Texas Stadium that day with our buddy Mike and my roomie Frank. There was absolutely NO DOUBT Dallas had overtime locked up.

Philly 31, Dallas 21, on an interception that makes Matt Cassel’s brain fart at San Diego two weeks ago look forgivable and understandable.

I remember how dejected, how absolutely depressing, walking the two miles back to the car that night was*. Dallas was now 5-4, two games behind the Eagles, and the Eagles held the tiebreaker at that point (better divisional record). EVEN WORSE? The Cowboys were also two games behind the Redskins, who also sat at 7-2. (But they still had two games left against the 'Skins.) The odds of overcoming a two game deficit with seven to go to one team is astronomical. Especially when they (at the time) hold the tiebreaker. But two teams? It just doesn’t happen. And even worse, on tap? Only the two best teams in the conference, if not the entire NFL – the 49ers on the road, and Green Bay at home on a Monday night.

(*: if you never had the "privilege", and my God, do I use that term loosely, the "privilege" of attending a game at old Texas Stadium, count your damned blessings. That place was the SH*TTIEST STADIUM IN HISTORY. You didn’t miss a damned thing. That place was a DUMP. Christ, it was built in the confluence of three f*cking freeways – Northwest Highway, Airport Freeway, and the Carpenter. Literally built in the f*cking triangle three freeways intersecting causes. It would be like if Arrowhead sat in the middle of the Grandview Triangle. That was Texas Stadium. It was a SH*THOLE. Don’t let any Cowboys fan wax nostalgic for that place. It SUCKED. You had to park so far away (because, again, you had THREE F*CKING FREEWAYS surrounding the place!), that the last time I attended a game there (in 2005), the Cowboys actually offered tram service back to your car, like Worlds of Fun offers. Most times when NFL owners claim their stadium is a dump and they can’t compete if they have to play there, I laugh at them. In Jerry’s case, he was 110 percent correct. Texas Stadium was a DUMP. Goodbye and good riddance.)

I remember that 49ers game way too well. Chiefs fans, when you read the next few paragraphs, please – resist ANY and ALL temptations to begin swearing profusely, chucking sh*t at your computer screen, and randomly yelling out “WHY WAS ANYONE SHOCKED BY HOW HE TURNED OUT HERE?!?!?!” with various curse words in that statement.

The Cowboys trailed 10-0 before anyone knew what hit them. 49ers quarterback Steve Young dropped a massive TD bomb late in the first quarter on the Dallas defense. Somehow, Dallas rallied, managing to tie the game at 10, and knocking Steve Young out in the process. San Fran retakes the lead on a long Terry Kirby touchdown run, and Dallas begins to drive in an attempt to rally late in the fourth quarter.

Then, Troy Aikman is picked off at the 49ers 6 yard line. I forget if it was this INT, or the one Aikman threw in the Giants game a few weeks later, that caused Frank to chuck the remote against the wall, resulting in a gigantic crack in the wall and a need to visit Best Buy afterwards to replace it*, but let’s just say, nobody on our couch was smiling at this point.

(*: admit it, you love these "what the f*ck else does he have to add to that paragraph?!?!" sidebars. This one is simple: I got a ton of crap for "destroying" the UltimaTV remote at the old place with Dusty during the Chargers game in 2007. So much crap, that I was banished to the basement for every Chiefs road game until I moved out in 2009 as a result of that incident. Uuh, let's just say, I didn't come up with the "chuck the remote at the wall and see what cracks" move on my own ...)

The VERY NEXT PLAY, with a chance to BURY their hated rival … 49ers quarterback Elvis Grbac returns the interception favor, tossing a layup to LB Fred Strickland. Aikman then hits our favorite little tight end that could, Eric Bjornson*, for the game tying score. And a long Emmitt run to open overtime sets up a gimme Boniol field goal from 29 yards out to steal a victory by the Bay.

(*: hey another one! Bjornson might be my favorite NFL player of all time. And I say that with all seriousness. For three reasons. (1) Highly underrated tight end who caught every damned ball thrown in his direction. (2) Hosted a hysterical weekly show on the old 97.1 The Eagle in Dallas (much like Chiefs players used to have their own radio shows here). And (3) said Bjornson hosted show? After twenty minutes of Cowboys talk, the last ten minutes WAS A GAMBLING TIPS SHOW! And the timeslot he occupied? 5:30pm on Fridays. Right in the heart of drive-time. Hell to the yes! How Paul Tagliabue never shut that one down, I have no idea, but I'm sure as f*ck glad he didn't.)

Season effing on, if only for one more week … because the heavily favored Green Bay Packers were on tap, on a Monday night that was literally do-or-die for the Cowboys playoff hopes.

This game is memorable for three reasons:

(1) Dallas did not score a touchdown.
(2) The Packers were destroyed. And
(3) Chris Boniol set a NFL record for most field goals converted in a game, with seven. Why do I remember this off the top of my head? (Dallas won 21-6.) Because leading 18-6 as the clock was winding down, Barry Switzer decided “why not” to running up the score, and sent in Boniol to kick a 28 yard field goal as time expired to run up said score.

Again, why do I remember that? Because I needed 23 points out of Chris Boniol to win my first ever fantasy football playoff game*. Boniol had 21 points before that field goal attempt. Let’s just say, NOBODY was more fired up than me when Switzer had his “eff you” moment for Mike Holmgren.

(*: to date, it is the only fantasy football playoff game I have ever won.)

So, to recap: Dallas opens 1-3. They’re starting a cornerback and a running back at wide receiver, in a prime time game on the road against a hated rival. They somehow win that one, somehow overcome losing to said hated rival at home, and just keep finding ways to win, to survive “Murderers Row”, and now sit 7-4 entering the stretch run.

Dallas whipped the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day, and ultimately won another game in which they couldn’t find the end zone (against the Patriots in week 16) 12-6 to clinch the NFC East at 10-5. (They lost a meaningless final game at the Redskins, the final game in RFK history.) The Cowboys then demolished the Vikings 40-15 in the wildcard round, before bowing out to the Panthers in a divisional round game that many Cowboys fans consider as the end of the dynasty*.

(*: I do not consider that to be the end. The end was 11 months later, on a Monday night in Dallas, when said Carolina Panthers stopped the Cowboys on a 4th and 1 at the 2 minute warning. I remember leaving the Stadium that night with a “we may never see a run like this again” feeling of frustration. (Yeah, I got drawn into rooting for Dallas. You can’t live there and NOT get drawn in. (kellie voice) I know what you’re saying Stevo!))

My point in this first of what might become many “Inspirational Looks Back” at teams that rallied from impossible odds to make something of their season? Simple. THIS SEASON IS NOT OVER! Not by a wide country mile. And as Brantley Gilbert would have you know, country MUST be country wide …