"Oh I know you're going. But I can't believe --
It's the way that you're leaving.
It's like we never knew each other at all!
It may be my fault?
I gave you too many reasons. Being alone,
When you didn't want to.
I thought you'd always be there!
I almost believed you.
All this time?
I still remember everything you said.
There's so much you promised,
How could I ever forget?
Listen ...
You know I love you, but I just can't take this.
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps.
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this.
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep ..."
-- "In Too Deep" by Genesis.
--------------------
Well, give CBS this: when they promise us an explosive live show? They deliver an explosive live show.
Epic verbal showdown between Candice and GinaMarie? Check. Multiple houseguests crying due to insults being hurled around? Check. Shocking back-door eviction to end the special "one week in one hour, live!" episode? You betcha.
Let's do this, although this'll be a quickie poll, not the in-depth type you're more used to. Sorry; got too much stuff going on right now.
Prior editions of the Big Brother 15 Power Poll:
Power Poll 4.0
Power Poll 3.0
Power Poll 2.0
Power Poll 1.0
As always, rankings are based on two things:
(a) how I feel about the houseguest, and
(b) how entertaining is said houseguest.
(B) always trumps (A).
Key: Rank (4.0 ranking, 3.0 ranking, 2.0 ranking, 1.0 ranking). Reason(s) for current ranking.
And just because (I need to crank this out quick to get on to other stuff that matters more to me)? I'm giving you a theme! A Shakespeare quote to fit each houseguest! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy?
--------------------
16. David (16, 16, 16, 1). "A poor player that struts and frets his hour on the stage, and then is heard from no more. A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." -- from "Macbeth". (Eliminated first.)
15. Nick (15, 15, 15, 8). "The fool doth think he's wise; but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." -- from "As You Like It". (Eliminated second).
14. Jeremy (14, 14, 14, 5). "I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!" -- Shakespeare himself. (Eliminated third).
13. Kaitlin (13, 13, 10, 13). "Dispute not with her; she is lunatic." -- from "Richard III". (Eliminated fourth).
12. Howard (9, 12, 13, 7). "The Devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." -- from "The Merchant of Venice". (Eliminated fifth).
11. Candice (4, 7, 7, 6). "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." -- from "Hamlet". (Evicted sixth).
10. Judd (5, 2, 1, 10). "There's an old saying that applies to me: you can't lose a game, if you don't play a game." -- from "Romeo and Juliet". (Evicted seventh).
9. Jessie (12, 10, 6, 4). "For which of my bad parts did thou first fall in love with me?" -- from "Much Ado About Nothing". (Nominated for eviction).
8. Spencer (11, 9, 11, 12). "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." -- from "Hamlet". (Nominated for eviction).
7. Amanda (6, 11, 12, 3). "I pray you, do not fall in love with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine." -- from "As You Like It".
6. McCrae (7, 8, 8, 14). "True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does." -- Shakespeare himself.
5. Elissa (10, 6, 9, 16). "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here." -- from "The Tempest".
4. Helen (3, 1, 3, 15). "The temptor or the tempted -- who sins most?" -- from "Measure for Measure".
3. Andy (2, 3, 4, 9). "Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent underneath it." -- from "Macbeth". (Head of Household).
2. GinaMarie (8, 5, 5, 11). "Madness in great ones must not unwatched go." -- from "Hamlet".
1. Aaryn (1, 4, 2, 2). "The devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape." -- from "Hamlet".
Showing posts with label aaryn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aaryn. Show all posts
Monday, August 12, 2013
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
big brother 15 power poll 4.0
"Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad.
But don't you know that noone alive,
Can always be an angel?
When things go wrong?
I seem to be bad.
Well I'm just a soul whose intentions are good --
Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood!"
-- "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood", by the Animals.
--------------------
I have three friends that are as addicted to "Big Brother" as I am. Which, truth be told, is probably a good thing -- this show is something else this season.
Every Friday, one of those friends, my former boss at "Stevo's Former Employer", and I exchange an email or five regarding the live eviction the night before, as well as the HoH results, and what it'll mean for the house.
This was my email to open the day last Friday:
"It's Aryan Nation Week! Racists, Klansmen, Bigots, Unite in Pride! White Power! White Power!
Well, actually I meant Aaryn Nation week, but it still works, right?"
Yes, America's least beloved racist won HoH this week, becoming our first repeat head of the household of the season ... and, well, that led to this exchange, between me and "The Voice of Reason", later that morning:
"How great would it be if Aaryn put up Candice and Howard? White Power! White Power!"
Somewhere, former Senator Robert "Sheets" Byrd (D-WV), a former Grand Leader of the KKK, must be looking up with pride, as -- (pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know Sheets is dead! Why the hell do you think I said he's looking up? Sheets did all his looking downward during his 97 years on this earth, usually at an African-American, while wearing a pillowcase to cover his face! Good grief, does the official Stevo's Site Numero Dos Non-Existant Editor not understand sarcasm and irony?
Anyways, our Ol' Buddy, Ol' Sheets Byrd (again, Democrat - West Virginia ... emphasis on the word "Democrat", because clearly, the Republican Party is the home of the racists, sexists, bigots and homophobes, like Ol' Sheets Byrd, George Wallace (D-AL), Strom Thurmond (R-SC ... but he started as D-SC), the champion of liar Tawana Brawley, the Reverend Al Sharpton (D-NY), a man who once said he wanted to "cut (President Obama)'s nuts off", the Reverend Jackson (D-IL), a man who once called President Obama a "light skinned black man with no Negro dialect ", Senate Majority Leader "Dingy" Harry Reid (D-NV), and of course the man who once claimed that "In Delaware, the largest group in population is Indian Americans, here from India. You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts, unless you have a slight Indian accent. And I'm not joking!", our Vice President, Joseph Robinette Biden Junior!!!!)
Sorry, got off on a tangent there. Anyways, I was 100% correct, as (sarah palin voice) you betcha! ... that the two African-American players in the game are up on the chopping block as Aryan Nation Week reaches its climax! The only way it could have been topped, is if she'd nominated the "token flaming gay guy", Andy, as well, to target every minority in the house.
Oh, and America's Least Favorite Racist also got off on an incredible rant against people who were adopted last night. I mean, seriously? If EVER there is a poster child for NARAL and Planned Parenthood (founded by a virulent racist who wanted every black baby to die) in support of killing your kid, Aaryn is that poster child.
As always, rankings are determined by two things, and two things only:
a. how much I like the houseguest, and
b. how entertaining the houseguest is.
(B) will always trump (A).
Let's do this.
Key: Rank. (3.0 ranking, 2.0 ranking, 1.0 ranking). Reason.
And if you're a glutton for punishment, here are the prior editions:
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 3.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 2.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 1.0
16. David. (16, 16, 1). GinaMarie entered into a $100 bet with a houseguest this week, that she would "f*ck David" when she's evicted. Yo, Dave -- run dude! Run! Run like the wind!!!
15. Nick (15, 15, 8). One of the most forgettable contestants in this show's history. And given that I couldn't name even 30% of the houseguests over the years, that's saying something.
14. Jeremy (14, 14, 5). I did like the virtual Indy Motor Speedway tat that covered his upper chest. Other than that? (jose voice) I got nothin', yo.
13. Kaitlin (13, 10, 13). Our most recent evicted houseguest, and she went home by a 9-0 vote. She has a lovely future ahead of her tending bar in the greater Minneapolis area.
12. Jessie (10, 6, 4). Yes, she's attractive. Yes, she's possibly the dumbest contestant in this show's history, and again -- (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh -- absolutely, yes! Sorry about that. Mr. Voice of Reason, care to explain why calling Jessie "possibly the dumbest contestant in this show's history", has meaning? You do? Spectacular! Fire when ready, sir!
("the voice of reason" voice) IT'S BIG BROTHER!!!
Thank you sir. And you have no idea how much I am jonesing to hear one of your three best phrases ever*, a week from Friday.
(*: those phrases are, in order according to me: (3) IT'S PRESEASON! (2) You can never go wrong with monkeys and/or midgets. And (1) I HATE YOU FRED!!!!! I'd give you credit for shouting "Sweet Jesus, Ed Hochuli!" to him, and getting the classic "Is that a problem?" laughing response from him ... but I coined the "Sweet Jesus, Ed Hochuli!" line in "The Poem" back in the day. (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh absolutely, I'm thinking of resurrecting that bad boy every week as part of the picks column! Consider it done!)
11. Spencer (9, 11, 12). I hope he goes home this week. I'm betting it'll be Howard, but I hope this dolt is the goner.
10. Elissa (6, 9, 16). The step back is a good thing for her. For the first time, she's not nominated. For the first time, she's not MVP. For the first time, she's been able to lay low and work to develop alliances and play the game. And she's doing it quite well. Big sis Rachel taught her well. (Or she taught Rachel really well. Either way, look out America -- in the words of the late, great American Idol judge Randy Jackson: "yo yo yo dog! She's in it ... to win it! That was hot!" God I'm gonna miss Randy this winter and spring.)
9. Howard (12, 13, 7). If he survives the live eviction (and I don't think he will), with HoH highly likely to be endurance based (since the last three have been trivia / random luck events that end while the show is still live), he could move up rapidly next week. He'd be smart to target Helen, if it works out.
8. GinaMarie (5, 5, 11). Didn't do much this week, but when it's Aryan Nation Week, and you're one of the three confirmed bigots in the house, and one of the two houseguests who will exit to find out they've been fired from their real world jobs due to their racism, that's not a bad thing.
7. McCrae (8, 8, 14). Look it, I know he's Dingo's guy over at Hamsterwatch, but good grief, this guy annoys me. At the risk of revealing too much about myself ... this dude has to be the only guy under the age of 40 who doesn't get more excited, more turned on, and finish faster when the camera is on him during intercourse. Kudos to him for landing Amanda damned near every night. But for God's sake dude, live it up! The moment you start to hook up, odds are your family's gonna be at least mildly upset, so just go for it and enjoy the moment! (Pause). What? (Pause). Are you kidding me, Mr. Non-Existant Site Editor Dude? I'd finish so fast on live television, Anthony Weiner would be mocking me!
6. Amanda (11, 12, 3). She has emerged as the house's Voice of Reason, which is either awesome, or horrific. I'm not sure which yet. On the one hand, she has no problems whatsoever with living life normally with 50 some odd cameras on her at all times. On the other hand, that's kind of frightening.
5. Judd (2, 1, 10). Look it, he's my pony / puppy / rooster / rubber chicken in this contest, and I have no problem admitting that ... but his HoH week was a disaster for him. His rule was hijacked by others who created the consensus eviction. He's not good enough to win an endurance, and probably not smart enough to win a memory comp. But -- he did ask for (and receive) fried chicken, cold beer, and Hootie and the Blowfish music as part of his HoH package. No wonder he's my rubber chicken in this thing, right Zeus? (zeus voice) Bark! Bark! Bark!
4. Candice (7, 7, 6). OK, I know exactly one person who was addicted to this show (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, and that was (go figure) "The Voice of Reason", but if you remember the original "Mole" season twelve years ago? This chick is like Kathryn (who was the Mole, and the winner and runner up (Steven and Jim) knew it almost immediately ... but liked her so much, they protected her. Candice? Strikes me like Kathryn. I know she's supposed to be the "token angry black chick" ... but I like this chica. I don't know why ... but I do. She's my second place hopeful, and my rooting interest if ... ok, fine, when ... Judd is shown the door.
3. Helen (1, 3, 15). Lost some of her mojo this week, as the other alliance has ruled the game, but avoid nomination, her closest ally (Elissa) is safe, her second closest ally (Candice) is not going to draw a vote tomorrow night, so her coalition looks good at the midpoint. It'll look really good if Howard can avoid eviction, and win HoH. Then they can target one of the other two alliances, and boot out McCrae or Aaryn, and truly have the upper hand headed into the home stretch.
2. Andy (3, 4, 9). My favorite gay guy not named Donnie, or nicknamed Joe Knows Football. This dude is hilarious. Every time he opens his mouth, the viewer winds up laughing, because he's absolutely perfect with the one-liners, and at pulling something off that is far more difficult than it sounds -- perfectly stating the obvious in a way that's funny, not condescending.
1. Aaryn (4, 2, 2). Her funniest moment of the week, came via the Friday email chain with me and "The Voice of Reason". Mr. Reason noted "she's definitely a low information voter", and figured she voted for Mr. Obama. My response: "she's from Texas, and she hates black people. She most definitely did not vote for that man." It doesn't happen often ... but I left Mr. Reason virtually reply-less.
I'm guessing it won't happen again for another six, seven, maybe eight years.
But Aryan ... I mean, Aaryn? That's how magical your run has been. I love you girl. In a completely, purely, "I'd have sex with you -- anytime you wanted it -- but we'll never be anything more than that, because you're a scary white supremacist that frightens the sh*t out of me", kind of way. Hell, you scare me in a "just to be safe, because I totally don't trust you took the pill, and I totally don't trust it isn't your happy time of the month -- I'm putting two on, and possibly three" kind of way.
White Power! Week concludes tomorrow with the live eviction. As a racist HoH is likely to successfully target, and remove, a minority player from the game.
Where's Zingbot 3000 when you truly need him ...
Sometimes I feel a little mad.
But don't you know that noone alive,
Can always be an angel?
When things go wrong?
I seem to be bad.
Well I'm just a soul whose intentions are good --
Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood!"
-- "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood", by the Animals.
--------------------
I have three friends that are as addicted to "Big Brother" as I am. Which, truth be told, is probably a good thing -- this show is something else this season.
Every Friday, one of those friends, my former boss at "Stevo's Former Employer", and I exchange an email or five regarding the live eviction the night before, as well as the HoH results, and what it'll mean for the house.
This was my email to open the day last Friday:
"It's Aryan Nation Week! Racists, Klansmen, Bigots, Unite in Pride! White Power! White Power!
Well, actually I meant Aaryn Nation week, but it still works, right?"
Yes, America's least beloved racist won HoH this week, becoming our first repeat head of the household of the season ... and, well, that led to this exchange, between me and "The Voice of Reason", later that morning:
"How great would it be if Aaryn put up Candice and Howard? White Power! White Power!"
Somewhere, former Senator Robert "Sheets" Byrd (D-WV), a former Grand Leader of the KKK, must be looking up with pride, as -- (pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know Sheets is dead! Why the hell do you think I said he's looking up? Sheets did all his looking downward during his 97 years on this earth, usually at an African-American, while wearing a pillowcase to cover his face! Good grief, does the official Stevo's Site Numero Dos Non-Existant Editor not understand sarcasm and irony?
Anyways, our Ol' Buddy, Ol' Sheets Byrd (again, Democrat - West Virginia ... emphasis on the word "Democrat", because clearly, the Republican Party is the home of the racists, sexists, bigots and homophobes, like Ol' Sheets Byrd, George Wallace (D-AL), Strom Thurmond (R-SC ... but he started as D-SC), the champion of liar Tawana Brawley, the Reverend Al Sharpton (D-NY), a man who once said he wanted to "cut (President Obama)'s nuts off", the Reverend Jackson (D-IL), a man who once called President Obama a "light skinned black man with no Negro dialect ", Senate Majority Leader "Dingy" Harry Reid (D-NV), and of course the man who once claimed that "In Delaware, the largest group in population is Indian Americans, here from India. You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts, unless you have a slight Indian accent. And I'm not joking!", our Vice President, Joseph Robinette Biden Junior!!!!)
Sorry, got off on a tangent there. Anyways, I was 100% correct, as (sarah palin voice) you betcha! ... that the two African-American players in the game are up on the chopping block as Aryan Nation Week reaches its climax! The only way it could have been topped, is if she'd nominated the "token flaming gay guy", Andy, as well, to target every minority in the house.
Oh, and America's Least Favorite Racist also got off on an incredible rant against people who were adopted last night. I mean, seriously? If EVER there is a poster child for NARAL and Planned Parenthood (founded by a virulent racist who wanted every black baby to die) in support of killing your kid, Aaryn is that poster child.
As always, rankings are determined by two things, and two things only:
a. how much I like the houseguest, and
b. how entertaining the houseguest is.
(B) will always trump (A).
Let's do this.
Key: Rank. (3.0 ranking, 2.0 ranking, 1.0 ranking). Reason.
And if you're a glutton for punishment, here are the prior editions:
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 3.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 2.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 1.0
16. David. (16, 16, 1). GinaMarie entered into a $100 bet with a houseguest this week, that she would "f*ck David" when she's evicted. Yo, Dave -- run dude! Run! Run like the wind!!!
15. Nick (15, 15, 8). One of the most forgettable contestants in this show's history. And given that I couldn't name even 30% of the houseguests over the years, that's saying something.
14. Jeremy (14, 14, 5). I did like the virtual Indy Motor Speedway tat that covered his upper chest. Other than that? (jose voice) I got nothin', yo.
13. Kaitlin (13, 10, 13). Our most recent evicted houseguest, and she went home by a 9-0 vote. She has a lovely future ahead of her tending bar in the greater Minneapolis area.
12. Jessie (10, 6, 4). Yes, she's attractive. Yes, she's possibly the dumbest contestant in this show's history, and again -- (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh -- absolutely, yes! Sorry about that. Mr. Voice of Reason, care to explain why calling Jessie "possibly the dumbest contestant in this show's history", has meaning? You do? Spectacular! Fire when ready, sir!
("the voice of reason" voice) IT'S BIG BROTHER!!!
Thank you sir. And you have no idea how much I am jonesing to hear one of your three best phrases ever*, a week from Friday.
(*: those phrases are, in order according to me: (3) IT'S PRESEASON! (2) You can never go wrong with monkeys and/or midgets. And (1) I HATE YOU FRED!!!!! I'd give you credit for shouting "Sweet Jesus, Ed Hochuli!" to him, and getting the classic "Is that a problem?" laughing response from him ... but I coined the "Sweet Jesus, Ed Hochuli!" line in "The Poem" back in the day. (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh absolutely, I'm thinking of resurrecting that bad boy every week as part of the picks column! Consider it done!)
11. Spencer (9, 11, 12). I hope he goes home this week. I'm betting it'll be Howard, but I hope this dolt is the goner.
10. Elissa (6, 9, 16). The step back is a good thing for her. For the first time, she's not nominated. For the first time, she's not MVP. For the first time, she's been able to lay low and work to develop alliances and play the game. And she's doing it quite well. Big sis Rachel taught her well. (Or she taught Rachel really well. Either way, look out America -- in the words of the late, great American Idol judge Randy Jackson: "yo yo yo dog! She's in it ... to win it! That was hot!" God I'm gonna miss Randy this winter and spring.)
9. Howard (12, 13, 7). If he survives the live eviction (and I don't think he will), with HoH highly likely to be endurance based (since the last three have been trivia / random luck events that end while the show is still live), he could move up rapidly next week. He'd be smart to target Helen, if it works out.
8. GinaMarie (5, 5, 11). Didn't do much this week, but when it's Aryan Nation Week, and you're one of the three confirmed bigots in the house, and one of the two houseguests who will exit to find out they've been fired from their real world jobs due to their racism, that's not a bad thing.
7. McCrae (8, 8, 14). Look it, I know he's Dingo's guy over at Hamsterwatch, but good grief, this guy annoys me. At the risk of revealing too much about myself ... this dude has to be the only guy under the age of 40 who doesn't get more excited, more turned on, and finish faster when the camera is on him during intercourse. Kudos to him for landing Amanda damned near every night. But for God's sake dude, live it up! The moment you start to hook up, odds are your family's gonna be at least mildly upset, so just go for it and enjoy the moment! (Pause). What? (Pause). Are you kidding me, Mr. Non-Existant Site Editor Dude? I'd finish so fast on live television, Anthony Weiner would be mocking me!
6. Amanda (11, 12, 3). She has emerged as the house's Voice of Reason, which is either awesome, or horrific. I'm not sure which yet. On the one hand, she has no problems whatsoever with living life normally with 50 some odd cameras on her at all times. On the other hand, that's kind of frightening.
5. Judd (2, 1, 10). Look it, he's my pony / puppy / rooster / rubber chicken in this contest, and I have no problem admitting that ... but his HoH week was a disaster for him. His rule was hijacked by others who created the consensus eviction. He's not good enough to win an endurance, and probably not smart enough to win a memory comp. But -- he did ask for (and receive) fried chicken, cold beer, and Hootie and the Blowfish music as part of his HoH package. No wonder he's my rubber chicken in this thing, right Zeus? (zeus voice) Bark! Bark! Bark!
4. Candice (7, 7, 6). OK, I know exactly one person who was addicted to this show (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, and that was (go figure) "The Voice of Reason", but if you remember the original "Mole" season twelve years ago? This chick is like Kathryn (who was the Mole, and the winner and runner up (Steven and Jim) knew it almost immediately ... but liked her so much, they protected her. Candice? Strikes me like Kathryn. I know she's supposed to be the "token angry black chick" ... but I like this chica. I don't know why ... but I do. She's my second place hopeful, and my rooting interest if ... ok, fine, when ... Judd is shown the door.
3. Helen (1, 3, 15). Lost some of her mojo this week, as the other alliance has ruled the game, but avoid nomination, her closest ally (Elissa) is safe, her second closest ally (Candice) is not going to draw a vote tomorrow night, so her coalition looks good at the midpoint. It'll look really good if Howard can avoid eviction, and win HoH. Then they can target one of the other two alliances, and boot out McCrae or Aaryn, and truly have the upper hand headed into the home stretch.
2. Andy (3, 4, 9). My favorite gay guy not named Donnie, or nicknamed Joe Knows Football. This dude is hilarious. Every time he opens his mouth, the viewer winds up laughing, because he's absolutely perfect with the one-liners, and at pulling something off that is far more difficult than it sounds -- perfectly stating the obvious in a way that's funny, not condescending.
1. Aaryn (4, 2, 2). Her funniest moment of the week, came via the Friday email chain with me and "The Voice of Reason". Mr. Reason noted "she's definitely a low information voter", and figured she voted for Mr. Obama. My response: "she's from Texas, and she hates black people. She most definitely did not vote for that man." It doesn't happen often ... but I left Mr. Reason virtually reply-less.
I'm guessing it won't happen again for another six, seven, maybe eight years.
But Aryan ... I mean, Aaryn? That's how magical your run has been. I love you girl. In a completely, purely, "I'd have sex with you -- anytime you wanted it -- but we'll never be anything more than that, because you're a scary white supremacist that frightens the sh*t out of me", kind of way. Hell, you scare me in a "just to be safe, because I totally don't trust you took the pill, and I totally don't trust it isn't your happy time of the month -- I'm putting two on, and possibly three" kind of way.
White Power! Week concludes tomorrow with the live eviction. As a racist HoH is likely to successfully target, and remove, a minority player from the game.
Where's Zingbot 3000 when you truly need him ...
Monday, July 22, 2013
big brother 15 power poll 3.0
"I see you, and you see me!
But you're blurring the line,
When you're making a scene.
Oh girl, you've got to know,
What my head overlooks?
The senses will show to my heart.
And when it's watching for lies?
You can't escape my ...
Private eyes! (clap clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
They see your every move!
Private eyes! (clap clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
Private eyes!
They're watching you, watching you, watching oooooh ..."
-- "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates.
--------------------
Wow, has it really been almost a month since the nation's crappiest reality show returned in force?
Week three saw some houseguests begin to emerge as real threats to win this game. Week three also saw the budding of our third showmance of the season, which is really impressive this early on. Week three saw a lot of the usuals -- fighting, racism, yet another "shocking twist" courtesy of the Chenbot, and of course, a few new places broken in for where the houseguests can (bob eubanks voice) make whoopy.
Here then is your Big Brother Season 15 Power Poll 3.0!!! Please -- try to contain your enthusiasm out there.
Key: Rank. Player (2.0 ranking, 1.0 ranking). Comments.
Prior Versions (in case you're a sadist):
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 1.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 2.0
16. David (16, 1). Gone way too soon. Also, if anyone from this season is going to "step up their game", so to speak, and parlay their time in the house into a rich, rewarding, lucrative gig with Naughty America or some sleazy porn company run by Joe Francis, this is your guy. Yay?
15. Nick (15, 8). The good news? GinaMarie has finally calmed down long enough to stop crying, control her emotions, and act like a rational, reasonable houseguest. The bad news? GinaMarie has finally calmed down long enough to stop crying, control her emotions, and act like a rational, reasonable houseguest.
14. Jeremy (14, 5). Our latest live eviction, and it wasn't particularly close (9-1-0) or surprising (HoH Helen had targeted Jeremy from moment one of her reign). I kind of feel bad for the guy -- just when he finally wasn't coming across as a total asshat, he gets judged on his three weeks of being an asshat. Did give one of the best exit interviews in awhile however, showing a sense of humor I didn't know existed in him, as well as maintaining his cocky arrogance that is so damned repulsive, it's why he had to go.
13. Kaitlin (10, 13). I can't tell if she's sneaky good, or lucky as hell. Probably a combination of both. Has played a decent game so far, but for the second week in a row, the HoH nominated her, and this time, there's no PoV to save her. I think she's safe -- I think either Aaryn or GinaMarie will go home Thursday night. But I'm rooting for a 3-3-3 tie, just to see GinaMarie's action if Judd casts the tie-breaker against her.
12. Howard (13, 7). Well, he's finally starting to assert himself, and he's entered into a budding showmance with Candice. But for someone as strong and smart as he is, he's grousely underachieved so far. Circle me curious, Bert, to see where this budding Howard / Candice / Judd / GinaMarie / Spencer alliance goes.
11. Amanda (12, 3). She and McCrae had a neat conversation after one of their latest hookups this week that had me laughing out loud. Laying there afterwards, Amanda goes "most of the time, I forget the cameras are even here". McCrae's response: "I can't stop thinking about them. Which is probably why ..." (jim nantz voice) It's called "stage fright"! (Cue arrogant, smug grin).
10. Jessie (6, 4). Have we confirmed this girl is alive? Can anyone reading this name one thing this girl has done in her month in the house? Because I can't think of anything. And I'm not joking -- I literally cannot think of a single thing this girl has done, said, won, or even competed in. Time to start being noticed girl, before the rest of the houseguests figure out you're floating along. And they will figure it out.
9. Spencer (11, 12). Another week, another racist blast by our ol' buddy Spence, this time mocking Asians. I'm telling you, this cast is so screwed up, they make Reggie White look tolerant and understanding.
8. McCrae (8, 14). Well, he and Amanda are show-engaged, with the twisty tie finger ring and everything. He really hasn't made a mistake yet, to be honest -- he bailed on the Moving Company at just the right time, and the one member of that alliance who could have made his turn tough on him, is no longer in the house. Given his performance issues with Amanda because of the cameras, I think he's the least likely houseguest to turn to adult entertainment when his fifteen minutes are up.
7. Candice (7, 6). She's the first "token angry black chick" this show casts every season, that I haven't thoroughly despised by week two. So she's got that going for her.
6. Elissa (9, 16). She's four for four winning the MVP vote. This week, that isn't a good thing. The good news for her is that she won the power of veto, so she'll survive to face another week in the house. The bad news for us? Well, there is no bad news; either we're losing a racist houseguest, or we're losing Jeremy's, uuh ... wow, how to keep this PG-13 ... hmmm ... got it: either we're losing a racist houseguest, or we're losing Jeremy's trash can and/or toilet after taking Marvin Gaye up on his advice. We're all winners here. Well, except for whoever goes home in three days; in the words of that wily veteran pet detective Ace Ventura: they're a loo-ooh-ooh-ser.
5. GinaMarie (5,11). Our top five stays the same this week from last time, albeit in a slightly different order. I think GinaMarie is leaving Thursday, but we'll see. She's had a relatively uneventful week, which sucks; she's a bigger train wreck than anything my nephew causes Thomas and Friends to suffer on a nightly basis.
4. Aaryn (2, 2). Her first drop ... because she only had to racially insensitive moments this week. And my "insensitive", I mean "even my smart ass that laughs at sh*t like that, thinks it was beyond the pale". Given what Judd got in his HoH basket, I'm shocked -- shocked! -- she didn't haul out a Fuzzy Zoeller voice to ask where the collared greens where. (fuzzy zoeller voice) Or whatever the hell they eat.
3. Andy (4, 9). The first "token flaming gay guy" I've liked on this show since ... Marcellus? No, wait, the dude with Natalie and Chima wasn't bad. They were; he wasn't. Hang on, I gotta Google who he was ... Kevin! I liked that guy too. This dude is hysterical.
2. Judd (1, 10). Whoa! He was my number one last week, wins HoH, and drops back a spot? Hell yes he does. His HoH packet was epic (fried chicken and beer -- my kind of guy!), his nominations (along with America's replacement for Elissa) ensure that one of the three Klansmen in the house are leaving*, and he's kind of bonded from afar with this week's number one (who's more than earned her ranking). I can absolutely see a final two of Judd and this week's top ranking. Absolutely.
But you're blurring the line,
When you're making a scene.
Oh girl, you've got to know,
What my head overlooks?
The senses will show to my heart.
And when it's watching for lies?
You can't escape my ...
Private eyes! (clap clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
They see your every move!
Private eyes! (clap clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
Private eyes!
They're watching you, watching you, watching oooooh ..."
-- "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates.
--------------------
Wow, has it really been almost a month since the nation's crappiest reality show returned in force?
Week three saw some houseguests begin to emerge as real threats to win this game. Week three also saw the budding of our third showmance of the season, which is really impressive this early on. Week three saw a lot of the usuals -- fighting, racism, yet another "shocking twist" courtesy of the Chenbot, and of course, a few new places broken in for where the houseguests can (bob eubanks voice) make whoopy.
Here then is your Big Brother Season 15 Power Poll 3.0!!! Please -- try to contain your enthusiasm out there.
Key: Rank. Player (2.0 ranking, 1.0 ranking). Comments.
Prior Versions (in case you're a sadist):
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 1.0
Big Brother 15 Power Poll 2.0
16. David (16, 1). Gone way too soon. Also, if anyone from this season is going to "step up their game", so to speak, and parlay their time in the house into a rich, rewarding, lucrative gig with Naughty America or some sleazy porn company run by Joe Francis, this is your guy. Yay?
15. Nick (15, 8). The good news? GinaMarie has finally calmed down long enough to stop crying, control her emotions, and act like a rational, reasonable houseguest. The bad news? GinaMarie has finally calmed down long enough to stop crying, control her emotions, and act like a rational, reasonable houseguest.
14. Jeremy (14, 5). Our latest live eviction, and it wasn't particularly close (9-1-0) or surprising (HoH Helen had targeted Jeremy from moment one of her reign). I kind of feel bad for the guy -- just when he finally wasn't coming across as a total asshat, he gets judged on his three weeks of being an asshat. Did give one of the best exit interviews in awhile however, showing a sense of humor I didn't know existed in him, as well as maintaining his cocky arrogance that is so damned repulsive, it's why he had to go.
13. Kaitlin (10, 13). I can't tell if she's sneaky good, or lucky as hell. Probably a combination of both. Has played a decent game so far, but for the second week in a row, the HoH nominated her, and this time, there's no PoV to save her. I think she's safe -- I think either Aaryn or GinaMarie will go home Thursday night. But I'm rooting for a 3-3-3 tie, just to see GinaMarie's action if Judd casts the tie-breaker against her.
12. Howard (13, 7). Well, he's finally starting to assert himself, and he's entered into a budding showmance with Candice. But for someone as strong and smart as he is, he's grousely underachieved so far. Circle me curious, Bert, to see where this budding Howard / Candice / Judd / GinaMarie / Spencer alliance goes.
11. Amanda (12, 3). She and McCrae had a neat conversation after one of their latest hookups this week that had me laughing out loud. Laying there afterwards, Amanda goes "most of the time, I forget the cameras are even here". McCrae's response: "I can't stop thinking about them. Which is probably why ..." (jim nantz voice) It's called "stage fright"! (Cue arrogant, smug grin).
10. Jessie (6, 4). Have we confirmed this girl is alive? Can anyone reading this name one thing this girl has done in her month in the house? Because I can't think of anything. And I'm not joking -- I literally cannot think of a single thing this girl has done, said, won, or even competed in. Time to start being noticed girl, before the rest of the houseguests figure out you're floating along. And they will figure it out.
9. Spencer (11, 12). Another week, another racist blast by our ol' buddy Spence, this time mocking Asians. I'm telling you, this cast is so screwed up, they make Reggie White look tolerant and understanding.
8. McCrae (8, 14). Well, he and Amanda are show-engaged, with the twisty tie finger ring and everything. He really hasn't made a mistake yet, to be honest -- he bailed on the Moving Company at just the right time, and the one member of that alliance who could have made his turn tough on him, is no longer in the house. Given his performance issues with Amanda because of the cameras, I think he's the least likely houseguest to turn to adult entertainment when his fifteen minutes are up.
7. Candice (7, 6). She's the first "token angry black chick" this show casts every season, that I haven't thoroughly despised by week two. So she's got that going for her.
6. Elissa (9, 16). She's four for four winning the MVP vote. This week, that isn't a good thing. The good news for her is that she won the power of veto, so she'll survive to face another week in the house. The bad news for us? Well, there is no bad news; either we're losing a racist houseguest, or we're losing Jeremy's, uuh ... wow, how to keep this PG-13 ... hmmm ... got it: either we're losing a racist houseguest, or we're losing Jeremy's trash can and/or toilet after taking Marvin Gaye up on his advice. We're all winners here. Well, except for whoever goes home in three days; in the words of that wily veteran pet detective Ace Ventura: they're a loo-ooh-ooh-ser.
5. GinaMarie (5,11). Our top five stays the same this week from last time, albeit in a slightly different order. I think GinaMarie is leaving Thursday, but we'll see. She's had a relatively uneventful week, which sucks; she's a bigger train wreck than anything my nephew causes Thomas and Friends to suffer on a nightly basis.
4. Aaryn (2, 2). Her first drop ... because she only had to racially insensitive moments this week. And my "insensitive", I mean "even my smart ass that laughs at sh*t like that, thinks it was beyond the pale". Given what Judd got in his HoH basket, I'm shocked -- shocked! -- she didn't haul out a Fuzzy Zoeller voice to ask where the collared greens where. (fuzzy zoeller voice) Or whatever the hell they eat.
3. Andy (4, 9). The first "token flaming gay guy" I've liked on this show since ... Marcellus? No, wait, the dude with Natalie and Chima wasn't bad. They were; he wasn't. Hang on, I gotta Google who he was ... Kevin! I liked that guy too. This dude is hysterical.
2. Judd (1, 10). Whoa! He was my number one last week, wins HoH, and drops back a spot? Hell yes he does. His HoH packet was epic (fried chicken and beer -- my kind of guy!), his nominations (along with America's replacement for Elissa) ensure that one of the three Klansmen in the house are leaving*, and he's kind of bonded from afar with this week's number one (who's more than earned her ranking). I can absolutely see a final two of Judd and this week's top ranking. Absolutely.
(*: come on -- you know, you just KNOW, Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos are brawling right now over who gets to invite Aaryn on their show this fall for the always classy, always tasteful, always ratings-bonanza "Klan" episode. Jerry tends to do Klan holiday episodes; Steve (not me!) will have them on whenever, wherever. The only way this doesn't happen, is if Aaryn gets knocked up in the house. Then we can have a "very special" episode of "Maury", to determine which houseguest is the baby daddy! Wait, on second thought, I'm rooting for this! (maury povich voice) Andy? You are NOT the father! (cue aaryn running hysterically down the hallway while crying, then swearing to Maury that "I know who it is! I know who it is now!" I'm guessing it isn't this.)
1. Helen (3, 15). If you believe the internet, Helen is a Republican consultant. Sorry, but there isn't a chance in hell that's true. She's too calculated, too dialed in, too focused -- sh*t, she's too competent -- to be a Republican political strategist. The Republicans haven't had a competent campaign team since 1994. Sorry, but it's true. Dole was a disaster in 1996, Bush (in my rarely humble opinion) didn't actually win in 2000, it's a disgrace (given the Democrat's ticket) that he barely won in 2004, and McCain and Romney have had their ass handed to them before 8pm on the west coast the last two elections. Even 2010, a banner year for the Republicans, they still blew controlling the Senate by nominating a bat sh*t crazy person (Sharron Angle) to oppose the Senate Majority Leader (that's smart strategory!), and nominating a bat sh*t crazy person (Christine O'Donnell) to try to take Vice President Biden's seat in Delaware (even more brilliant!). And I say this as someone who hasn't voted for a Democrat for President since Mr. Gore in 2000 (although I did vote for Senator McCaskill, against yet another bat sh*t crazy Republican last year, in Todd Akin).
She has complete control of the house at this point, thanks to her and Judd's understanding and working together for a common goal: to be the last two standing. At some point, she's gonna have to deal with Elissa, and kick her to the curb, but that's still at least a month, maybe six weeks, away. We're losing one of Aaryn / GinaMarie / Kaitlin on Thursday. Odds are it's an endurance HoH on Thursday (last two have been trivia), so that favors Howard or Spencer, who like Judd, will continue to clean house as Helen wants.
She owns this game at this point, and she (and everyone else) knows it. The only question is, is she gonna peak too soon and screw this up, like Matt three years ago? Or is she gonna ride this thing to a layup victory everyone saw coming three months in advance, like Hayden two years ago, Dan four years ago, or Dr. Will way back in season two?
My money's on the latter at this point. But I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out.
Monday, July 15, 2013
big brother 15 power poll 2.0
"You know, if I'd had seen her coming?
I'd have probably tried to hide.
But I came around the corner,
And she caught me by surprise.
There was no ice cold shoulder;
There was no ugly scene.
She just smiled and didn't say the things
I thought she'd say to me.
Well it was nothing like that rainy night,
When she left and slammed the door.
Not only she don't love me
She don't hate me anymore ..."
"She Don't Love Me" by Blake Shelton.
--------------------
Wow, are we really in week three already?
In case you've been living in a cave, you may have heard about "Racistgate" on this season's edition of "Big Brother". Namely, you have three outright bigots in the house -- Aaryn, GinaMarie, and Kaitlin, two of whom have been fired in the real world (though they don't know it yet) over their insensitive remarks. Throw in an insensitive railroad worker (Spencer), and in the words of Al Michaels after Mike Eruzione -- whose name in Italian means "eruption" -- scored the greatest goal in hockey history: "Ooh! And now you've got bedlam!!!"
(And if you missed Thursday's live eviction show, you HAVE to see Mrs. Les Moonves put Aaryn in her place. It's epically awesome.)
Let's do this. As always, contestants are ranked from worst to best, and best is subjective upon two things:
a. whether I like them, and
b. whether they're worth the price of admission.
Oh -- and (b) trumps (a). In case you care.
(bud light commercial voice) Here we go!
Key: Ranking. Contestant (Prior Ranking(s). Reason(s) for Current Ranking.)
16. David (1). The "Dudebro", as Hamsterwatch so affectionately named him, was blindsided in the first live eviction. What a shame. This guy was every bit the stoned, buzzed, absolutely aloof surfer / lifeguard the promos made him out to be. What a waste.
15. Nick (8). Our second houseguest to hit the street, and this one last Thursday was even more stunning than David's the week before. When Morty can't figure out what the hell the houseguests are thinking, via their voting strategories, then I'm guessing they have no clue either. (My theory on the sudden demise of the Moving Company -- McCrae and (especially) Howard are so disgusted with Jeremy (and Aaryn) that they'd rather sell out the alliance early, than be stuck with it late. But what do I know -- my preseason number one ranked houseguest, was the first to be evicted.)
14. Jeremy (5). As I noted to "The Voice of Reason", "this guy is a bigger asshat than (buddy of ours back in high school) ever was -- literally". Literally, as in he grabbed some houseguests hat, and literally wiped his ass with it. (Pause). What? (Pause). Yeah, maybe it is good the producers passed on having me as a houseguest this year. I mean, the producers have cut back on the liquor deliveries, because it's a nightly Klan rally in that place at this point. How would I have made it without my liquor?
13. Howard (7). The good news -- he's not Metta World Peace. The bad news -- he's boring as hell, hasn't done one memorable thing yet (unless praying about who he should vote to evict counts, and it doesn't with me), and is definitely the "token houseguest who noone has a problem with, and will get drug along to the very end, then cut loose before the final vote". Or the Jason (season three) / Memphis (season ten) role. Which makes my aversion to him so far very weird -- Jason and Memphis are two of my three favorite houseguests of all time (along with Renny, also from season ten).
12. Amanda (3). She's emerging as the voice of reason of the house, along with McCrae. Which sucks -- the house doesn't need reason, it needs more firewater, tobacco, and racist remarks! To say nothing of bow chica bow wow, bow wow. Her confronting Aaryn over her racist comments against (I forget which one -- blacks, Asians, or Jews; she's nailed the trifecta at this point) was great television. Especially Aaryn's classy, dignified response to being called out as Archie Bunker Junior -- dropping a fart noise in Amanda's face.
11. Spencer (12). Hey, our first houseguest to rise in the rankings! He's only insulted Jews, so he has a way to go to catch the others. Plus, his truly was an offcolor joke that was relatively harmless, but blown out of proportion given everything else going on. Other than Judd and maybe Helen, he's playing the best game so far. Could be a shock winner come September, like Adam six seasons ago. Just don't blow the prize money setting up Massachusetts' biggest drug running operation like Adam did, ok Spence?
10. Kaitlin (13). My initial reaction ("she strikes me as a b*tch"), looks dead on target so far.
9. Elissa (16). Look it, kudos for being the MVP both weeks, and kudos for avoiding eviction two weeks in a row through some savvy game play. But girl, wake up. Helen is riding you until you drop.
8. McCrae (14). Your first HoH winner, and so far has avoided making a ton of enemies. He's playing a smart, disciplined game. Normally your first HoH has a huge target; this year, it's the second HoH who everyone is gunning for. Keep an eye on this one. It'd be cool to see him win (he's a huge fan of the show and a contributer at Hamsterwatch).
7. Candice (6). I gotta admit: she's the first "token angry black chick" that I haven't hated right off the bat. Her drop isn't due to anything she's done, but rather to the train wreck at least half of the remaining six have turned into.
6. Jessie (4). Probably the most boring of all these houseguests. Good for her; bad for us.
5. GinaMarie (11). OK, just say it -- her emotional meltdown after Nick got booted last week, was one for the ages. She literally spent two straight hours doing nothing but crying, sobbing, shouting "why me! Why Nick!" She's also an incredibly racially insensitive person who's lost her day job due to her comments, in addition to being a high-strung, high maintenance beyatch. Circle me impressed, Bert*!
(*: for the clueless, if you ever have the Major League package, or happen upon a local Twins broadcast, Bert Blyleven literally circles what he's interested in on the screen. It's creative.)
4. Andy (9). Well, I nailed the "token flaming gay dude". Usually those guys are the most fun houseguests ... and Andy hasn't disappointed. Other than my number one this week, nobody has made me laugh more than Andy. I can totally see why he has a wall in the women's restroom in Urbana dedicated to him.
3. Helen (15). Still no clue which sleazy cut-throat Illinois politician she works for -- Obama, Rahm, or the Daley's. But I'm leaning Rahm. She definitely has his skill, and she definitely has a pair. Maybe we should stick Stevo's Site Numero Dos Illinois Democrat Party Expert Jenni Grigsby on this. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well yeah, it sucks that we have a damned Illinois Democrat Party Expert on this site, but noone has volunteered as our Fake Boob Expert! I'm outraged about it too! (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh, good point. (tony bruno voice) It's an outrage!
2. Aaryn (2). This ranking in no way, shape, or form, endorses or condones her outrageous conduct, her bigoted comments, her general racism, and her utter lack of decorum or decency. But this ranking does indicate we like watching it, if only to reinforce the idea that no matter how awful your life gets*, no matter what you sink to? Someone is ALWAYS worse off than you.
(*: when people ask me why I love NASCAR (and IndyCar) so much, the answer is simple: the actual raceday experience. Because no matter how financially struggling you are? You didn't take out a third mortgage to attend, like 40% of the people there. No matter how drunk you are? You're more sober than half the crowd, and all the crowd in the infield at Indy. No matter how disgusting you look? At least 62.6% of the fans in attendance, are uglier, fatter, and dirtier. Plus, and if you know me well, you'll know who I'm referring to -- think of the biggest NASCAR fan I know, a man with whom I have a weekly wager on certain drivers for beers at the Double. Need I say more? God, I am so talking myself into trying to make Indy in two weeks. I can't believe it's been five years since I made it up there for either major race, especially the 500 ...)
1. Judd (10). He's Memphis 2.0. Everything this dude says is comedic gold. He's a laid back Southern dude who has no problems with making fun of himself. Other than the Southern part, that's me. And I did go to college in Texas, and did try to move back there four months ago, so I guess I'm kinda, sorta Southern. I do use "y'all" a lot. That's gotta count for something.
I'll try to do better about getting these up each week. Honestly, and "The Voice of Reason" can tell you this -- I had this thing done last Thursday ... and then the eviction threw the entire rankings (and game) into chaos (I had Nick ranked 3rd, and GinaMarie was 13th pre-meltdown) that rendered a re-do. Then the weekend, which was spent poolside, then today at work, which is probably the most depressing day of my year, and given all the crap I'm dealing with in my life at this point, that's saying something. But I'll try to do better.
The likely next two posts:
* Sometimes, you just have to vent. I feel an epic one coming on, sometime this week. I started it today, if only to record my emotions of what today meant to me. I will keep it as person-free and Stevo-centric as humanly possible though. I'm done fighting. One side has to cave, if only for the sanity of all parties involved. I guess it'll once again, be me.
* Also, I'm almost done with the next "Stevo looks back at his favorite episodes" post, which will be the seventh ranked episode on the list. Hope to get that up this week as well. But I make no promises.
I have a long week ahead of me, as the job has completely changed now, I'm tied up all weekend in a barbeque contest, and I'm trying like hell to finally get some PTO next week, which means working double hard this week, even if it's a staycation poolside with an ice cold Coors Light or three.
But hey, if I can't find an hour out of my life to put up a Big Brother Power Poll?
Then I have truly failed myself, and you, the readers ...
I'd have probably tried to hide.
But I came around the corner,
And she caught me by surprise.
There was no ice cold shoulder;
There was no ugly scene.
She just smiled and didn't say the things
I thought she'd say to me.
Well it was nothing like that rainy night,
When she left and slammed the door.
Not only she don't love me
She don't hate me anymore ..."
"She Don't Love Me" by Blake Shelton.
--------------------
Wow, are we really in week three already?
In case you've been living in a cave, you may have heard about "Racistgate" on this season's edition of "Big Brother". Namely, you have three outright bigots in the house -- Aaryn, GinaMarie, and Kaitlin, two of whom have been fired in the real world (though they don't know it yet) over their insensitive remarks. Throw in an insensitive railroad worker (Spencer), and in the words of Al Michaels after Mike Eruzione -- whose name in Italian means "eruption" -- scored the greatest goal in hockey history: "Ooh! And now you've got bedlam!!!"
(And if you missed Thursday's live eviction show, you HAVE to see Mrs. Les Moonves put Aaryn in her place. It's epically awesome.)
Let's do this. As always, contestants are ranked from worst to best, and best is subjective upon two things:
a. whether I like them, and
b. whether they're worth the price of admission.
Oh -- and (b) trumps (a). In case you care.
(bud light commercial voice) Here we go!
Key: Ranking. Contestant (Prior Ranking(s). Reason(s) for Current Ranking.)
16. David (1). The "Dudebro", as Hamsterwatch so affectionately named him, was blindsided in the first live eviction. What a shame. This guy was every bit the stoned, buzzed, absolutely aloof surfer / lifeguard the promos made him out to be. What a waste.
15. Nick (8). Our second houseguest to hit the street, and this one last Thursday was even more stunning than David's the week before. When Morty can't figure out what the hell the houseguests are thinking, via their voting strategories, then I'm guessing they have no clue either. (My theory on the sudden demise of the Moving Company -- McCrae and (especially) Howard are so disgusted with Jeremy (and Aaryn) that they'd rather sell out the alliance early, than be stuck with it late. But what do I know -- my preseason number one ranked houseguest, was the first to be evicted.)
14. Jeremy (5). As I noted to "The Voice of Reason", "this guy is a bigger asshat than (buddy of ours back in high school) ever was -- literally". Literally, as in he grabbed some houseguests hat, and literally wiped his ass with it. (Pause). What? (Pause). Yeah, maybe it is good the producers passed on having me as a houseguest this year. I mean, the producers have cut back on the liquor deliveries, because it's a nightly Klan rally in that place at this point. How would I have made it without my liquor?
13. Howard (7). The good news -- he's not Metta World Peace. The bad news -- he's boring as hell, hasn't done one memorable thing yet (unless praying about who he should vote to evict counts, and it doesn't with me), and is definitely the "token houseguest who noone has a problem with, and will get drug along to the very end, then cut loose before the final vote". Or the Jason (season three) / Memphis (season ten) role. Which makes my aversion to him so far very weird -- Jason and Memphis are two of my three favorite houseguests of all time (along with Renny, also from season ten).
12. Amanda (3). She's emerging as the voice of reason of the house, along with McCrae. Which sucks -- the house doesn't need reason, it needs more firewater, tobacco, and racist remarks! To say nothing of bow chica bow wow, bow wow. Her confronting Aaryn over her racist comments against (I forget which one -- blacks, Asians, or Jews; she's nailed the trifecta at this point) was great television. Especially Aaryn's classy, dignified response to being called out as Archie Bunker Junior -- dropping a fart noise in Amanda's face.
11. Spencer (12). Hey, our first houseguest to rise in the rankings! He's only insulted Jews, so he has a way to go to catch the others. Plus, his truly was an offcolor joke that was relatively harmless, but blown out of proportion given everything else going on. Other than Judd and maybe Helen, he's playing the best game so far. Could be a shock winner come September, like Adam six seasons ago. Just don't blow the prize money setting up Massachusetts' biggest drug running operation like Adam did, ok Spence?
10. Kaitlin (13). My initial reaction ("she strikes me as a b*tch"), looks dead on target so far.
9. Elissa (16). Look it, kudos for being the MVP both weeks, and kudos for avoiding eviction two weeks in a row through some savvy game play. But girl, wake up. Helen is riding you until you drop.
8. McCrae (14). Your first HoH winner, and so far has avoided making a ton of enemies. He's playing a smart, disciplined game. Normally your first HoH has a huge target; this year, it's the second HoH who everyone is gunning for. Keep an eye on this one. It'd be cool to see him win (he's a huge fan of the show and a contributer at Hamsterwatch).
7. Candice (6). I gotta admit: she's the first "token angry black chick" that I haven't hated right off the bat. Her drop isn't due to anything she's done, but rather to the train wreck at least half of the remaining six have turned into.
6. Jessie (4). Probably the most boring of all these houseguests. Good for her; bad for us.
5. GinaMarie (11). OK, just say it -- her emotional meltdown after Nick got booted last week, was one for the ages. She literally spent two straight hours doing nothing but crying, sobbing, shouting "why me! Why Nick!" She's also an incredibly racially insensitive person who's lost her day job due to her comments, in addition to being a high-strung, high maintenance beyatch. Circle me impressed, Bert*!
(*: for the clueless, if you ever have the Major League package, or happen upon a local Twins broadcast, Bert Blyleven literally circles what he's interested in on the screen. It's creative.)
4. Andy (9). Well, I nailed the "token flaming gay dude". Usually those guys are the most fun houseguests ... and Andy hasn't disappointed. Other than my number one this week, nobody has made me laugh more than Andy. I can totally see why he has a wall in the women's restroom in Urbana dedicated to him.
3. Helen (15). Still no clue which sleazy cut-throat Illinois politician she works for -- Obama, Rahm, or the Daley's. But I'm leaning Rahm. She definitely has his skill, and she definitely has a pair. Maybe we should stick Stevo's Site Numero Dos Illinois Democrat Party Expert Jenni Grigsby on this. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well yeah, it sucks that we have a damned Illinois Democrat Party Expert on this site, but noone has volunteered as our Fake Boob Expert! I'm outraged about it too! (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh, good point. (tony bruno voice) It's an outrage!
2. Aaryn (2). This ranking in no way, shape, or form, endorses or condones her outrageous conduct, her bigoted comments, her general racism, and her utter lack of decorum or decency. But this ranking does indicate we like watching it, if only to reinforce the idea that no matter how awful your life gets*, no matter what you sink to? Someone is ALWAYS worse off than you.
(*: when people ask me why I love NASCAR (and IndyCar) so much, the answer is simple: the actual raceday experience. Because no matter how financially struggling you are? You didn't take out a third mortgage to attend, like 40% of the people there. No matter how drunk you are? You're more sober than half the crowd, and all the crowd in the infield at Indy. No matter how disgusting you look? At least 62.6% of the fans in attendance, are uglier, fatter, and dirtier. Plus, and if you know me well, you'll know who I'm referring to -- think of the biggest NASCAR fan I know, a man with whom I have a weekly wager on certain drivers for beers at the Double. Need I say more? God, I am so talking myself into trying to make Indy in two weeks. I can't believe it's been five years since I made it up there for either major race, especially the 500 ...)
1. Judd (10). He's Memphis 2.0. Everything this dude says is comedic gold. He's a laid back Southern dude who has no problems with making fun of himself. Other than the Southern part, that's me. And I did go to college in Texas, and did try to move back there four months ago, so I guess I'm kinda, sorta Southern. I do use "y'all" a lot. That's gotta count for something.
I'll try to do better about getting these up each week. Honestly, and "The Voice of Reason" can tell you this -- I had this thing done last Thursday ... and then the eviction threw the entire rankings (and game) into chaos (I had Nick ranked 3rd, and GinaMarie was 13th pre-meltdown) that rendered a re-do. Then the weekend, which was spent poolside, then today at work, which is probably the most depressing day of my year, and given all the crap I'm dealing with in my life at this point, that's saying something. But I'll try to do better.
The likely next two posts:
* Sometimes, you just have to vent. I feel an epic one coming on, sometime this week. I started it today, if only to record my emotions of what today meant to me. I will keep it as person-free and Stevo-centric as humanly possible though. I'm done fighting. One side has to cave, if only for the sanity of all parties involved. I guess it'll once again, be me.
* Also, I'm almost done with the next "Stevo looks back at his favorite episodes" post, which will be the seventh ranked episode on the list. Hope to get that up this week as well. But I make no promises.
I have a long week ahead of me, as the job has completely changed now, I'm tied up all weekend in a barbeque contest, and I'm trying like hell to finally get some PTO next week, which means working double hard this week, even if it's a staycation poolside with an ice cold Coors Light or three.
But hey, if I can't find an hour out of my life to put up a Big Brother Power Poll?
Then I have truly failed myself, and you, the readers ...
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