"We suck" -- text from Dusty at 3:53pm yesterday.
"Wow we are bad" -- text from my brother at 3:18pm yesterday.
"Depressing game" -- text from Damien at 2:36pm yesterday.
"I'm leaving. Someone should be fired over this abortion" -- text from me to Damien at 2:24pm yesterday.
And my favorite one of all:
"BOO" -- text from Dusty at 3:55pm yesterday. Apparently 70,000 plus there in person booing for four straight hours wasn't enough, DJ had to chime in from where he was. And you know what? You're damned right he was right to boo. If there is a hell, yesterday was definitely a game from the seventh layer of it ...
-----------------------
I am sure that, in my many years on this earth attending games inside the hallowed grounds of Arrowhead Stadium, that I have sat through worse games than yesterday's "effort" against the Bills.
And I know that, in my many years on this earth watching and rooting for the Red and Gold, that I have left the stadium angrier than I did yesterday.
But rarely have I left that stadium prior to the fourth quarter.
Yesterday, I walked out as the third quarter was drawing to a close, completely befuddled and confused as to what, exactly, the 2011 Chiefs are going to be.
Sadly, Matt Cassel was everything I believe him to be -- incompetent, inept, utterly incapable of elevating this team to the next level, to a championship contender. He was rattled early, confused often, and basically crapped his pants from the opening kickoff in front of the 70,000 plus fans in attendance. It was pathetic, it was embarrassing, it was ... like I said, it was everything I believe Matt Cassel to be -- a glorified version of Brodie Croyle, someone you cannot win a Super Bowl with*. If this is Scott Pioli's brilliant master-stroke, if our GM and head coach (more on Coach Asshat in a moment), if they truly believe Matt Cassel can lead this team to the promised land, then this experiment is going to end very badly a couple years from now.
(*: I am fully aware I'm the f*cking idiot who picked the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl with Matt Cassel under center. The lesson? I'm a f*cking idiot. What, this comes as a surprise?)
I honestly enter this recap with a weird feeling: complete acceptance with what played out yesterday. Yes, we lost 41-7 to a team that went 4-12 last year. Yes, we were outcoached, outplayed, out-everything'd right from the opening kickoff. Yes, our offensive "gameplan" was that epically awful. Yes, our defense completely fell apart when Eric Berry left with a knee injury. Yes, our special teams were that god awful. Yes, our kicker missed a very makeable field goal. Yes, when Coach Asshat said "the blame lies entirely on me", I nodded my head in total and complete agreement. That team that we saw yesterday? If that is who the 2011 Chiefs are, then Herm's last team is going to be remembered in fond terms, because if that team we saw yesterday is who the 2011 Chiefs are, we not only are going 0-16, we are going to get our ass beat every week on the road to 0-16. And I'm talking about a "HHH Memorial Sledge Hammer" type beating. It's gonna be bloody and ugly, if that team we saw yesterday, is who the 2011 Chiefs are.
Thankfully ... I do not believe the team we saw yesterday, is who this team is. Well, except for Matt Cassel, he's dead to me at this point. He could throw an 99 yard touchdown bomb to D Bowe, sprint up the stairs to my seat, and smack my sunburnt shoulders and back in celebration afterwards, and I'd still probably spit in his face*. No, I believe yesterday was the outlier, yesterday was the exception. I firmly believe the Chiefs team we will see in Detroit will not only be vastly improved over the version we saw yesterday, I believe the Chiefs will whip Detroit next Sunday. I think we are going to blow the Lions out of the building next week.
(*: I am the person who called Ed Hearn "that worthless son of a b*tch we traded David Cone for" to his face. I am NOT afraid to let people know exactly what I think of them when they're standing in front of me. Oh, and yes, my back and shoulders are ON FIRE right now. It literally hurts to wear a shirt, I am that sunburnt.)
Yes, I still believe in this team, in its potential, in its promise. I hope that the rest of you can join me in setting aside yesterday, in refusing to dwell on it, and focus on the task at hand: getting out of Detroit with a season-jump-starting victory that announces not just to us, but to the league, that the Chiefs are a force to be reckoned with.
And if you can't, well, at least enjoy the recap ...
* We left right around 6:30 for the game. Riding the bus yesterday were myself, Russ, Mona, Susan, Katie, Will, Jeff and Paula. I'm not sure if the cat that randomly walked into the pre-party and stuck around for most of the evening was on there or not, but he certainly was trying to hop on board most of Saturday night.
Also joining us yesterday were Anthony and Jamie, some other friends of theirs, and the neighbors, Joyce and Jerry. A solid 20 plus person tailgate. And I kept trying to recruit others to join us via text messaging. Yesterday was an absolutely PERFECT day for tailgating. Not a cloud in the sky, hot enough to ditch the t-shirt and work on the tan -- the only thing missing was Dusty kicking my ass eight ways from Sunday at washers, and it would have been a perfect day.
* We got to the gates around 6:50. Arrival means one thing: bloody mary time! And let me say this -- bacon flavored vodka ROCKS in a bloody mary. The only thing missing was a dill pickle, and I would have been in heaven. (In the interest of full disclosure, the best bloody mary I've ever had was at Cafe Grand Central, in south Milwaukee. It's called (appropriately enough) "The Milwaukeean". It's an extremely spicy and peppery bloody mary, and the garnishment is a massive dill pickle ... wrapped with bacon. It is BEYOND delicious. Oh, and they throw in a 12oz beer chaser with each Milwaukeean. Let me tell you -- drinking that thing, and then chasing it with Bell's Two Hearted Ale, is amongst the best things you will ever consume. God I love Milwaukee! If it wasn't so damned cold there six months a year, I'd totally pack up and move yesterday.)
* Sign yesterday was going to be epically awful number one: we left the flasks at home on purpose, thinking the security yesterday would be ridiculous. I honestly thought they'd have metal detectors yesterday. Security yesterday was a bigger joke than it usually is. It was KU Football-esque. You could have walked in with the entire damned bottle of Weller and been fine.
* Also missing yesterday? As noted come about 7:30am, our "good buddy", Justin Robinson from Channel 9. It simply isn't a pre-entry tailgate without that guy going from bus to van to car, mooching everything he can get his hands on*. I think we gave him at least $50 worth of food and beverage last year alone.
(*: hell yes, we pre-entry tailgate! Right down to hauling the speakers out. If you're gonna tailgate, you gotta do it right.)
* About 7:15am, the dudes with Anthony and Jamie decide to haul the football out and start flinging it around. I mention this ... because ANY of them would have been a tremendous improvement over Matt Cassel. I know you laugh when I drop the "let's just pluck a dude out of Lot G and line him up under center, he can't be worse than Brodie Croyle is" joke, but yesterday? It wasn't a joke. We literally could have plucked any random tailgater out of Lot G, lined him or her up under center, and been better because of it, Matt Cassel was that awful.
Well, ok, you wouldn't pluck me ... but anyone else in Lot G? Improvement over Matt Cassel.
* Riddle me this, Batman: why in the hell do you put port-a-potties out there, and lock them? Why? What in the hell is the purpose of adding three port-a-potties by our tailgating spot, if you can't use them? And spare me the "well, Stevo, those are for Royals games" bullsh*t argument. If a port-a-potty is out there, it should be open for public use, period. The county runs the damned parking lot, not the individual teams. Open the damned port-a-potties.
* Funniest moment of the pre-entry tailgate, part one: me editing the iPod play list. Since some folks in our group don't smile upon gratuitous use of the f bomb or the n bomb, I had to delete at least 30 songs off of there. I also tragically erred on the side of caution and deleted "Shots" by Lil' Jon and LMFAO under the "it's probably not a good idea to have "suck our c*cks" blaring out of the stereo" theory. I f*cked up on that one -- it's going back on there for the Vikings game in three weeks. I mean, we do tailgate in Lot G, after all.
* Funniest moment of the pre-entry tailgate, part two: Larry and Carl opened the gates themselves. They just walked up, and swung the thing open, to get their cars through. We did the math -- even assuming you include a $20 with the proven "dozen donuts" bribe ... it's still cheaper to do that, than actually pay for parking. Let's hear it for the Jackson County Sports Commission everyone!!! Shamelessly ripping off the public since 1960 something.
* Funniest moment of the pre-entry tailgate, part three: some Iowa State students were handing out trash bags for recycling your empty cans and plastic bottles. I think it was a fundraiser of some kind. Anyways, I'm walking back from talking with Larry and Carl, and these two ISU chicks (both very attractive, by the way) come up to me and go, "hey, you guys think you can fill up this bag (with recyclables) today?" Uuh, yes, yes we can.
And yes, yes we did. When you plow through enough liquid courage that you're filling a 30 gallon trash bag with nothing but beer cans and bottles, you KNOW it's a good day.
* I sent "the kids" down to save our parking spot. I am officially retiring from saving parking spots. I've been heading in early for 15 damned years to mark our territory. Let someone else do it. Especially once the weather turns cold. I'm too old to sit out in 15 degree temperatures just to save a parking spot.
* No Glen this year. We got a new parking nazi; I didn't even get his name. He was maybe 23, 24 years old. I walk up, introduce myself, ask him if he wants anything, and let him know there's a few folks coming through to park in the grass that don't have the Red Lot Reserved parking passes. Glen? Took absolute advantage of our "generosity" (aka bribe) for letting a few illegals park in Lot G. This dude? Cared so little about his job, that he didn't even ask for a bribe. For the first time in my life, I truly am concerned for the future of this nation.
* We had everything set up and ready to go by 8:45am. At this point, I was fired up and ready for some washers! Only ... I didn't bring the washer set, and my usual washers opponent wasn't there. So I sent a "tailgating just ain't the same without you champ" text to DJ ... and not even 30 seconds later, I get a "aww, that was sweet!" text back from his better half.
Color me surprised -- I didn't think there was a shot in hell either one of them would be up by 9am.
* The menu yesterday was buffalo wings, leftovers from Saturday night's pre-party, and lots of booze. The buffalo wings were amazing. They were just about the size of Buffalo, and nice and spicy.
* Not much else to report on from pregame tailgating. It took a while, but eventually, our good buddy Castro showed up! If you had "visibly intoxicated, shirt completely unbuttoned, and carrying multiple bottles of tequila in a Bud Light box" as how he'd show up, congratulations, you would have won! The only other interaction I had with his crew was about an hour earlier, when they had cranked up their stereo so loud, that we couldn't hear our music. So, being the diplomatic sort, I walked over and asked them to "turn it down a couple decibels". I was told to "get a better speaker!" Well then. From the "proof there might be a God" department, they then blasted their annoying horn as I walked back to our tailgate. The horn blew out their speakers. They had no music the rest of the day. Karma, it is a b*tch, guys.
* The coolest thing early on? Lot G was filled up back to our tailgating spot by 9:30am. Arrowhead Nation was ready yesterday. Too bad Coach Asshat, his offensive coordinator, and his worthless quarterback weren't.
* Bad idea of the day: we didn't pack any whipped cream shots. Maybe that's why we lost. (Nah, we lost because the offensive gameplan was likely designed on a shot glass napkin over a couple stiff bourbon and waters.)
* I thought the pregame stuff was fine. As Kevin Garnett once noted, "tastefully done". I loved the Anthem -- a massive field-sized American flag, no introduction of the performer, David Cook just launched into singing the song. I was somewhat disappointed that "home of the Chiefs!"* was very audible, but hell, we're Kansas Citians, it's how we roll.
(*: saying "Chiefs" does not bother me at all, but I felt that yesterday, the Anthem should have been sung as Francis Scott Key wrote it. On the other hand, I thought the NFL shouldn't have been playing at all yesterday, so I'm probably a poor judge on the subject of "Chiefs" or "brave").
* And noone was more shocked than me when I didn't boo either flyover yesterday. Although my dislike of flyovers is still noted. Saturday, I went up to the Team Store at Arrowhead to look for a t-shirt for the season, and leaving, they were rehearsing for the flyover, because out of nowhere three fighter jets come flying over the parking lot. I damned near crapped my pants worse than Matt Cassel did yesterday. Those things are intimidating as hell.
* OK, let's get into this, and I don't intend to spend a ton of time talking about the game itself because, quite honestly, nobody sits around and discusses that one time when they visited the Planned Parenthood. It's an unpleasant conversation about an unpleasant topic. Ditto talking about what I paid to "witness" yesterday -- it was an unpleasant day inside that stadium that felt every bit as ugly as it looked.
Let's start with the ugliest of the ugly: Chiefs "quarterback" Matt Cassel. To say I wanted to rush the field with a 2x4 and beat Cassel to a bloody pulp, is an understatement. Look it, my disgust of Matt Cassel is fairly well known. I do NOT believe he is a good quarterback. He's not even average. He's a below average player who, at best, should be a career backup, but for some reason, the geniuses running the Chiefs not only believe he is a potential franchise savior, they're paying him $10 million / year to do his thing. (Here's a hint guys: HE'S NOT!)
Here is Cassel on 3rd down yesterday, and warning: you probably want something very stiff to drink, or very herby to smoke, or very powdery to snort, when reading this list ...
* 3rd and 6: Cassel sacked for a loss of 2. Already down 7-0, not a good start.
* 3rd and 7: Cassel throws complete to Charles for a 6 yard loss. This play was worse in person than it looks in print.
* 3rd and 4: Cassel incomplete to Dwayne Bowe. He wasn't within 10 yards of D Bowe on the attempt.
* 3rd and 4: Cassel complete to Jake O'Connell for 15. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
* 3rd and 8: Cassel sacked for a loss of 11. Chiefs missed the ensuing field goal attempt.
* 3rd and 8: Cassel complete to Charles for 9 yards. Got our only scoring drive underway.
* 3rd and 6: Cassel complete to Charles for a touchdown of 6 yards. Our only score of the day.
* 3rd and 16: Cassel incomplete to Dwayne Bowe. I almost walked out at this point early in the 3rd quarter.
* 3rd and 8: Cassel incomplete to Dwayne Bowe. I did walk out after this play.
* 3rd and 11: Cassel complete to Charles for 6 yards. Bills penalty gave us a 1st down ... when Cassel promptly threw an interception.
* 3rd and 5: Cassel incomplete to Jerheme Urban. I was three Gatorade and vodka's deep during postgame tailgating at this point.
* 3rd and 6: Cassel incomplete to Dwayne Bowe. Wouldn't have mattered -- Asomoah was flagged for holding.
* 3rd and 6: Cassel incomplete to Leonard Pope. Enter Dusty C. Exit every remaining fan.
Go ahead, reread the list if you need to. (Data source: nfl.com Play-by-Play recap). Is THAT a performance a "franchise quarterback" submits? Or is that a "performance" that Brodie Croyle submits?
I'm not going to blame it all on Matt Cassel, however. Bill Muir, take a bow sir, if only so that I can slap a 2x4 across your face, and nail your ass on the backswing. That gameplan yesterday was inexcusable. Someone should be fired over that gameplan. If that's what we have to look forward to for the rest of this season, we are more f*cked than a 20 year veteran of the adult entertainment industry.
I mean, I have the offensive vision of Dr. Tom when playing Madden or NCAA Football (insert year here). I've never met a running play I didn't like, I've never met a 5 yard out pattern I didn't want to call. I am more conservative than Rush Limbaugh when it comes to how I run my offense. But not even I devise a gameplan that inspires 70,000 plus people to question whether or not I arrived to work on a short bus. Yesterday? That game plan? Without question, the people who devised it not only ride the damned short bus, they're the reason the short bus exists. That was mental retardation on an epic scale, fully displayed to everyone in a national forum. I was embarrassed for the Chiefs yesterday. An awful football team rolled into this stadium and beat us like a f*cking government mule. And then they stole our 40 acres to boot! Embarrassing is not too strong a word to describe the efforts of the offense yesterday. If anything, it's too polite.
Thankfully, I didn't listen to the postgame, although I've read enough from it to get a general idea of how it went. And let me say this -- Todd Haley is an asshat. Of COURSE that loss is on you coach! What's galling is that you feel the need to state the obvious! This team has taken the turf at Arrowhead for it's last three games that count. Three straight home games, three straight woodshed beatings. The raiders rolled in here last January and b*tch slapped us. The Ravens, in the words of the great Jim Barnes, "used us as their own personal urinal", they whizzed all over the Red and Gold en route to sending us to our seventh consecutive postseason defeat (a NFL record, by the way).
Yesterday? The Bills slapped us around so hard and so brutally that Ike Turner was outraged. Like I noted last night on Facebook, you don't panic until you're 0-4. Only one NFL team has ever recovered from 0-4 to reach the playoffs (the 1992 Chargers, and go figure, they whipped our ass in the wildcard round*). No NFL team has ever recovered from worse than 0-4 to get there (although the 2001 Redskins came damned close). One loss does not a season destroy, unless it eliminates you from championship contention. But man, if yesterday was a sign of things to come, start checking the parachutes and make sure there's a couple cars with the engines running, gas tanks filled to the top, ready to make a quick getaway.
(*: that loss occurred on my 16th birthday. We lost to denver in the divisional round on my 21st birthday. We got pole-axed in the wildcard round at Indy right after I turned 30. I am FRIGHTENED for what lies in store a little over 5 years from now, when the "3" in my age changes to a "4".)
* Chiefs win the toss, and DMC immediately fumbles the kickoff. Bills recover, and score five plays later. That didn't concern me -- sh*t happens on kickoffs, and if a team takes over at your 26, you'd expect them to score. What did concern me, and still has me worried over 24 hours later, is that Eric Berry left the game after one of the cheapest, low-brow takeouts you'll ever see. Stevie Johnson had better be heavily fined AND suspended at least one game over his takeout. He dove right for Berry's knees. It was ridiculous. Again, fine AND suspension should be in order for that assmunch. (Which means he'll get off suffering neither punishment).
There's still no word on how long Berry will be out, but holy God, is one player THAT vital to our secondary? Apparently the answer is a resounding "YES!", because our secondary after that play was getting lit like a dugout during tailgating.
(Update: multiple media outlets are reporting Eric Berry is out for the season with a torn ACL. It's definitely time to start prepping the parachutes and verifying an escape route ...)
* Already down 7-0, the Chiefs gain one first down on a sweet pass to Leonard Pope, before punting. As angry as the gameplan yesterday made me, and I was extremely upset, I liked how we used the tight end position yesterday. Rather than go away from it because of Moeaki's injury, we're attacking with his replacements. Leonard Pope and Jake O'Connell will never be appearing in a Pro Bowl, but they're two serviceable dudes who catch and hang on to the football. Tight end can still be a big part of the offense, even without Moeaki.
* Reading the play-by-play, I now totally understand why it took a damned hour to play the first quarter. Lots of punts. LOTS of punts.
* Funniest fan out there yesterday? The Bills fan sitting two rows in front of me had a gigantic chicken wing on his head, like the Packers fans have their cheeseheads. I found that to be funny. Then again, when you're getting blown out at home by a 4-12 team, you'll find just about anything funny if it helps you avoid reality.
* I know this will sound ridiculous, but I honestly did believe the Chiefs would rally and win yesterday. When we got to the half, my entire thought process was that we'd go in, make some adjustments, and come out and take control of the game.
I could not have been more wrong. If anything, we were worse after the half, than we were before it.
* After witnessing more ineptitude and pathetic football through most of the 3rd quarter, I was done. I left after Buffalo scored to go ahead 34-7. I grabbed my t-shirt, said my goodbyes to Chris and Ray, exchanged "this is f*cking ridiculous" head shakes with Justin (our tailgating neighbor), and headed for the exits. I wasn't angry, I wasn't irate, I was just ready to leave.
* Fittingest moment of the day: on the walk back to the bus, the stadium PA dude could be overheard saying "Cassel's pass was intercepted by ..." More "this is f*cking ridiculous" headshakes.
* After two and a half hours watching the team I love get its ass whipped, what to do? Pound the vodka. Hard. The Gatorade flavors yesterday were lemon-lime and grape. I had multiple fans of the lemon-lime vodka concoction.
* A day like yesterday, you have to sit outside and enjoy it. As I noted on the walk in to Katie, "this is the best weather game we've had since before I knew you". Uuh, yes, it really has been three freaking years since it was a nice, humid, sunny day at that stadium from start to finish. At least for a regular season game -- as already noted, I refuse to attend preseason unless (a) I have literally nothing else to do, and (b) it is a weather day exactly like yesterday. And (a) doesn't happen very often, I can almost always find something better to do than attend a preseason game.
Normally when we get embarrassed like that, I'm ready to bolt as soon as possible, but I cannot stress how nice outside it was yesterday. I had no interest in being anywhere other than out in the sun, and everyone agreed with me. So we hauled out the speakers, fired up the iPod, made some libations, and got our party on.
* We were back at the bus barn by 3:30pm. I do not believe, save for the Chargers debacle in 2009, we have ever gotten home that quickly. Rather than head home, I decided to try to sober up a bit (smart thinking). We hauled the TV out, and eventually, come 6ish, I noted "hey, my favorite NCIS episode is on next on USA!" So hell yes, those of us still there stuck around for another hour to plow through "Heartland".
Finally, about 7pm, it was time to close the day down. Except one last funny moment occurred. Sarah, one of our pool friends (she's 10) called up Russ to make fun of the Cowboys (which is his team). We missed hearing the phone at first, but you couldn't mistake the voice and what it was saying.
J! E! T! S! Jets Jets Jets!
* I made it home, had a couple more cocktails, started to work on this recap ... and passed out around 9:30. To add insult to injury, the drive in this morning was horrendous -- there was a massive wreck on 435. It took me nearly an hour to get to work. Usually it takes me 20 minutes at most. Anyways, I didn't wind up arriving until almost 9am, which prompted this exchange:
(stevo) good morning!
(stevo's boss) wow, I lost that bet.
(stevo) what bet?
(stevo's boss) I bet Heather you'd call in drunk this morning.
(stevo) really?
(stevo's boss) well yeah! You have called in three straight days before after the Chiefs lost!*
(stevo) (has no comeback)
(stevo's boss) I figured you drank yourself into a coma after yesterday's game!
(my coworkers) (all laughing)
(stevo) wow, am I really that predictable?
(my coworkers) (now really laughing)
The lesson? Figures -- I could have gotten away with drunk dialing in sick. (florida evans voice) Damn, damn, damn!
(*: after we lost at home to denver in 2002, when the "32 Defense" blew a 14 point lead with 5 minutes to go, I literally stayed home and drank for three straight days. You think YOU take Chiefs losses hard? I got the market cornered on "overreacting to one game", pal.)
* So to close this thing down, don't panic. That's the message this morning. Don't panic. Yes, that was a horrendous game yesterday. Not one thing went right. We fumbled the opening kickoff. The secondary got lit like a roach. The offensive gameplan was seemingly designed by writing in crayons on the back of the kid's plate at a Denny's. The offensive line, holy Lord. If they play like that next week, Matt Cassel is going to get killed. Not metaphorically, I mean literally killed, when Ndamakung Suh lands on him in the fourth step of a seven step drop.
And don't even get me started on the awful, absolutely awful, play of Matt Cassel.
Actually, do get me started on that, please. (everyone looking at each other with a "someone get him started, I wanna see what he's going to say" look ...) OK, fine, twist my arm.
Matt Cassel stunk up the joint yesterday. This is now three consecutive home games where something big was on the line -- against the raiders, we were still alive for a first round bye. The Ravens was a playoff game. Yesterday was Opening Day, and as last year proved, a win there can be the launching pad to a great season.
Here is Cassel's statistics from each of those three contests:
* vs raiders: 11/33, 115 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT, 19.1 QB rating. raiders 31, Chiefs 10.
* vs Ravens: 9/18, 70 yards, 0 TD, 3 INT, 20.4 QB rating. Ravens 30, Chiefs 7.
* vs Bills: 22/36, 119 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 64.5 QB rating. Bills 41, Chiefs 7.
Average: 14/29, 101 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT, 34.6 QB rating. Chiefs 0-3.
As Shakespeare once wrote, "something is rotten in Denmark", and that something in this case is Matt Cassel. Matthew, buddy, man up. Those stats are PATHETIC! A 34.6 QB rating over your last three games that count? That's awful! 72.4 -- that is Kordell Stewart's career QB rating, or the "Kordoza Line" as the folks at PFT call it. Matt, champ, even if you doubled that QB rating ... you STILL wouldn't top 72.4!
Now, I will grant you, not even Tom Brady could have done anything with that offensive gameplan yesterday. (I mean it -- I want visual proof that Bill Muir's playcall sheet wasn't a coloring book.) But for crying out loud dude -- we're paying you to be a difference maker! And godd*mmit, you ARE making a difference -- for the other team! Stats don't lie Matty, and God don't like ugly. Your stats are Ratty from "My Night of Infamy" ugly man! No NFL team can win with a quarterback who craps his pants on the field. Matty, dude, you not only are doing the crapping, nobody's sparing you a square to clean up with.
If this season is to be salvaged, it is time for Matt Cassel to step up and play like a decent quarterback. He doesn't have to be great for this team to win -- the running game and (usually) the defense is strong enough to overcome his mistakes ... provided he's not making a mistake every time he drops back to pass.
I've read that Cassel and Jim Zorn nearly threw down yesterday, their verbal confrontation over the playcalling was that intense. Good! We need more of that! Except going forward, when you are given a gameplan like the Big Chief tablet yesterday's was doodled on, overrule the gameplan! It's called an "audible", Matt. Use it!
If this season is to be salvaged, Matt Cassel HAS to step up and deliver. I get that he's playing hurt. LOTS of NFL players play hurt. And if his injuries are so severe that they are impacting his play, he needs to sit his ass on the bench and give someone else a shot.
I refuse to give up on this season yet. I believe the Chiefs will fight back, will overcome this debacle, and rally with a gut-check victory at Detroit this week. I genuinely do believe that. This season is NOT over. It was one game. Granted, an AWFUL game, but it was a start. It was not a finish.
Every time last season that this team, and this quarterback especially, faced a moment of truth, they came through:
* week 1 against the Chargers: held on the goalline to jump-start the season.
* week 6 against the Jaguars: coming off two straight losses, the Chiefs blow out the Jags, capped by DJ's TaINT.
* week 11 against the Cardinals: coming off two straight losses, the latter of which was an epic beatdown, the Chiefs blow out the woeful Cardinals, then ride that momentum to a huge victory in Seattle.
* week 15 against the Rams: coming off the worst game of the season, the Chiefs go across the state, with a QB less than ten days removed from emergency surgery, and beat the Rams, ensuring they controlled their own destiny in the AFC West.
Now? It's another "Moment of Truth", uuh, moment. Two consecutive road games, both against teams many experts are predicting to make the playoffs. I believe the Chiefs CAN win both of these contests. But they won't win either if they play like they did yesterday. It's gut-check time once again. If this team is half as good as I believe they are, they'll answer the bell.
Showing posts with label chiefs bills recap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chiefs bills recap. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, November 1, 2010
chiefs! bills! where the "two steves" happens ...
(saturday night, at the halloween party i was at)
("sweet daddy stevo") hey, y'all are taking requests, right?
(chick in the band) sure! what would you like us to play?
("sweet daddy stevo") sweet caroline!
(chick in the band) (pauses)
(chick in the band) well, we've never really had that one requested before.
("sweet daddy stevo") (in shock) really?
(chick in the band) we'll give it a try, if you'll come up and sing it.
("sweet daddy stevo") sure, why not.
If you weren't lucky enough to witness my on-stage singing debut, well ... in the words of the great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner, "it was something really special". In a total train-wreck kind of way.
Oh, and as a FYI … rumor has it there might be a "live blog" of Tuesday's election debacle. As our old high school history teacher would say, "stay tuned" ...
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Let's get one thing out of the way. You never apologize for a win. Especially when said win keeps you 1 1/2 clear of the field in the AFC West, and ties you for the best record in the conference. Having said that, wow, that game yesterday was worse than even I anticipated it would be. And I'm the guy who spent all week saying that "I have a horrible feeling about this game".
If this team is fortunate enough to reach the postseason, don't underestimate the outcome yesterday. A loss would have been catastrophic. A tie would have been a disaster. But remember -- legitimate playoff contenders find a way to beat bad teams at home. They may struggle, they may play worse than the MU rushing defense in the first quarter from Saturday, but they find a way to win. The Chiefs struggled big time yesterday, but in the end, they found a way to win. And that's all that ultimately matters. They won.
As always, my thoughts on the day that was, and the game that was, is in the recap below ...
* some tragic news to report from Saturday to begin with. After I finally found my sweet 1970s red velvet pimp daddy jacket to complete the look, I decided to get in a few quick games of bowling, since I haven't gotten off to a great start this fall. So, I head over to everyone's favorite run-down bowling alley ... only, it's closed.
(tony bruno voice) no!
Laurel Lanes is no mas, and has a "for sale" sign up. On the Steve Tragedy-o-Meter, this ranks somewhere between "Prop 19 fails tomorrow" and "Prohibition returns". Let's hope somebody with deep pockets buys the place and reopens it.
* a very crowded start to the day yesterday. All told, a group of about 20 folks on the two buses. And once again, neither bus was even close to being first in line. I think people are starting to not just get, but actually read the memo that says "hey, it's ok to be a Chiefs fan again".
(best. sign. ever. photo: me).
* It was a little bit Nipsey Russell out there yesterday morning. The wind was ridiculous. At least the sun was shining. But man, was I glad we went with buffalo stew and chili as the menu. It was definitely Nipsey Russell out there.
(wait, someone other than me passed out at a chiefs tailgate? what the hell?!?! photo: me).
* About 9:30am, it was time to have some fun. Someone came up with the smart idea to put the sides up on the EZ Up, to block the wind. Once that was proven to work, there was really only one option left to do. Bust out the table, it's beer pong time!
((joe budden voice) pong! pong it up! photo: me).
* Another sign I might have had a bit too much the night before? I didn't drink at all during tailgating yesterday. I had one cocktail, and that wasn't until 10:30, after Anthony and Gregg both started taunting me for not drinking. Peer pressure rules.
(hey look! it's "tony and lisa"! sorry about the name screwup last game guys. talk about a brain fart. our good friends jeff and paula, in from omaha yet again to root this team on to victory. photo: me).
* We had a Jenni sighting yesterday! Her first game of the year.
* After a solid three plus hours of tailgating, enjoying the music, beer pong, tossing the football around, good conversations, fun folks stopping by ... finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for, arrived.
Katie had dressed up like our good tailgating buddy across the street, Castro. (Honestly, it was scary how much she looked like him). Only, it gets to be 10:30, and he's not there yet. Tyler jokingly suggested he was probably in jail from the night before. Another person joked he was probably still passed out from the night before.
Finally, as we're breaking down the tailgate, about 11:10am, he arrived. And he did not disappoint. He was lugging not one, not two, but three! freaking bottles of Patron around in a Bud Light beer case. He also had another bottle of Cuervo in there. Thankfully, the guy can take a joke or three, and loved the imitation. After a few shots of Patron and Cuervo, it was off to the stadium.
(seeing double at 11am. a tailgating tradition for 15 years and counting. photo: me).
* My victory bet shots for this game? I promised to do a whipped cream shot, this time hitting my knees and letting someone spray that crap into my mouth (aka "the way it should be done"). I also had to do a shot of Cuervo with Castro after the game. (More on this later. Let's just say, the guy's an all time classic).
* Pretty uneventful walk in. After heading through security, I headed over for the beer line, because I knew I was going to need something to get through this game. Again, I had a bad, bad feeling about this game. I get in line behind this chick that's about my age, and to be honest, the first thought that entered my mind when I saw her was, to borrow a phrase from the talentless, crappy rapper J'Kwon: "e'rybody in the club gettin' tipsy". She finally gets up to order, and orders a margarita, only she doesn't want it in the "souvenir glass", she wants it in a normal plastic beer cup. (To be fair: she did exactly what I was planning to do. I have no use for those "souvenir glasses". That, and they don't fit in your cupholder.
So our concession lady agrees to do it, only she notes to the chick that her glass won't be full, because she can only pour as much as the souvenir glass would hold (about 16oz), and the plastic beer glass is 22oz. The chick just kind of nods, not really paying attention. The concession lady comes back, and the glass is maybe 2/3 full, just like the concession lady had told her it would be.
Tipsy chick just went ape sh*t ballistic. "Why isn't my glass full?" Then starting dropping swear bombs and calling the concession chick every name in the book. Finally after about a two minute verbal tirade, she leaves $11 on the counter, grabs her drink, and stumbles off.
Now, forget the obvious point here (that $11 for a watered down margarita without salt is an absolute national outrage, and that wasn't even the worst overcharge -- they wanted $13.50 for a bench warmer! $13.50 for watered down hot chocolate with a splash of schnapps!). No, what struck me is this: how degenerate of a drinker have you got to be, to be so smashed at 11:30 in the morning, that you come unhinged over how your drink was poured? I certainly am no stranger to the world of drunkenness, but I have never been so lit at 11:30am that I can't control my emotional reaction to someone pouring me a drink. Oy.
* The KC Wolf sketch was worse than horrible. Like it's not bad enough that we have a lame mascot that hasn't had an original sketch in a decade. Now, we don't even get the "visiting team's fans mock Wolf, then run away, so Wolf gets on a conveniently-placed ATV to chase them down the tunnel and then pummel them" sketches. Yesterday's sketch was Wolf doing basic training, then driving down the tunnel on his ATV, waving a US flag, and ... scene. That was it.
And yet, that wasn't even the worst part of the pregame festivities, because ...
* My most irrationally hated moment was nearly a minute premature! Either the Chiefs were running horribly behind schedule (my guess) ... or the flyover pilot couldn't even come close to timing the moment right. He or she flew the fuel tanker over the stadium right as Trailer Choir had just begun to sing the Anthem. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if there's one thing in life you never want to be known for, it's arriving prematurely.
* Bills won the toss, elected to defer. I thought that was a mistake -- why not take the ball, try to score early, and try to take the crowd out of it early?
* Of course, the Chiefs drive, but stall at the Bills 33. Rather than go for it on 4th and 8, or try a long field goal into the wind, the Chiefs punt. Touchback. I was not happy with the decision. I would have tried the field goal, to at least see what Succup's range on the east side was for yesterday. I'm fully aware there's a 95 percent chance that kick would have missed. The wind was horrid in there yesterday. But if you're going to gamble, why not there, on the opening drive of the game? Either kick the field goal, or go for it. You sure as all hell don't punt the ball when it only nets you a gain of 13 yards (and gives the ball away).
* Thankfully, we were facing the Bills. Who could do nothing on offense until the 4th quarter yesterday.
* The first "what the f*ck is he thinking?" Matt Cassel moment of the day? On a 3rd and 3 at the Chiefs 48, late first quarter, Cassel attempts a pass to an open Jamaal Charles that would have gotten the Chiefs a first down. The problem was ... the pass was horribly thrown.
* After a quarter of play, each team had had three possessions. Each team had punted three times. As I texted a few people later in the game, but it certainly applied at the time as well, "is this game as coma inducing on tv as it is in person". Somehow, the crowd kept in it. Because we are the best, most loyal, most passionate, most knowledgable fans in the NFL.
* First drive of the 2nd quarter, the Chiefs have a 4th and 2 at the Bills 19 in my end zone. Todd Haley opts to go for it. As I've noted many, many times before: "you always take the point early. Because it will always bite you in the ass if you don't". I'm not saying Succup would have made it. But why not attempt it, again, if only to confirm the kicking conditions and establish his range? That, and if you can't hit from 36 with no pressure on the situation, you probably shouldn't be kicking in the NFL.
* The next Chiefs drive (after another Bills three and out), the Chiefs get to midfield and have 3rd and less than a foot. I turn to the guy next to me (more on him momentarily), and we both immediately concur that you just pound it straight ahead with TJ, get the yard, and keep the drive going. The Chiefs come out with Cassel in the shotgun, and he short-arms a pass for Leonard Pope. Haley then elects to punt. On a 4th and less than 1 at midfield. After he's just gone for it on a 4th and 2 inside the red zone. Baffling, to put it mildly. And boo-inducing, deservedly so.
* The Chiefs next drive was our sole touchdown of the day, and if I'm going to rip him for some idiotic decision making yesterday, I gotta give Cassel some credit for the two big plays on the drive. The first being a beautiful pass to Charles in the middle of the field that led to a 30 yard gain. Cassel waited, drew the rush in, then lofted it over the defensive linemen right into Charles' hands, and he took off with a lot of room to run. The second being two plays later, after Charles runs it to the goalline. Cassel went no-huddle, to keep the Bills defensive personnel on the field. A brilliant read, because the Bills were in a cover three. Cassel takes the snap, take a one step drop, and aims it at D Bowe, who makes the catch against a clueless Bills defender.
I'm all for ripping Cassel when he sucks. But that was a brilliant read of the situation, first by forcing a reeling Bills defense in a bad personnel formation to stay on the field, then by calling for a no-risk pass (either Bowe drops it, and we've got 2nd and goal at the 1, or he catches it, and we score. The Bills defender had no opportunity to defend the pass). Job well done.
* The Bills final drive of the half stalls just inside of Chiefs territory, and we reach halftime at 7-0. So before I go any further, because I'm sure my impression of halftime was far, far different than that of just about anyone who will read this, let me say, this is my blog, this is my post, this is my opinion. I do not hate the US armed forces, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who have served. So if what I took from halftime offends you ... I am not apologizing for it, because it's my post, it's my opinion.
Having said that up front: I thought the halftime was well done. I didn't have an issue with anything that occurred. The Chiefs had a stirring tribute to various service men and women who are season ticket holders. The Marine Corps recruits who were sworn in got a very loud, long, and deserved applause. As did the scrolling list of everyone from Chiefs Nation that had given the ultimate sacrifice in the last two years.
What struck me wasn't the mood, or the tone, or the actual ceremonies. What I'll take from halftime is this: what a waste of human life.
Every name that scrolled by, most complete with pictures, just showed the tale. Young people giving their lives for what, exactly? For a war the previous President declared victory in over seven years ago? For a nine years and counting failed operation against the Taliban in Afghanistan? How much better would our nation be if these brave, heroic folks were still amongst the productive and the living here in the States, if they'd never had to go fight in a war (or wars) that the plug should have been pulled on years ago (or never started in the first place).
And worse yet, we're applauding this? We're celebrating the waste of these people's lives? What's wrong with us?
What a waste of human life. What a waste of potential. What a waste. That's what I took from halftime. The waste of life, money, and national prestige that the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are. If that makes me anti-American, or some kind of horrible person, so be it. Maybe this country would be better off though, if we'd stop and think for even a couple minutes and asked "wait, is this war really worth it? Are we really safer as a nation because of Iraq and Afghanistan?" Again, just one person's opinion, and at times, that opinion is certifiably nuts. And maybe this is one of those times. But I stopped and asked the question. And the answer I reached is "nope. These wars don't make us safer, and they aren't worth the sacrifice and lives it costs to fight them". Which is why I felt the way I did watching those names scroll by yesterday. What a waste of human life.
(And spare me the "typical Democrat blaming Bush for everything" bullsh*t. Every one of those poor folks was killed in combat under Obama's watch. Obama to me is worse than Bush, in that he should know better than to keep wasting our nation's most valuable resource (its people) in wars that are unsustainable and unwinnable. You don't keep ramping up troop levels in some ridiculous effort to salvage something out of the situation; you pull the plug and cut your losses).
OK, back to the game before I say even more that p*sses off every person in the readership base ...
* The Bills first drive of the second half, was a thing of absolute beauty for both Buffalo and KC. Once they scored, I just turned to the guy next to me, and just shook my head with a knowing "man, that was great to watch" look. He had turned to me ... with the same exact look on his face. You have to appreciate beautiful football when you see it, and that drive was just epic. 15 plays (none for negative yardage, save for the false start that the Bills took to open the drive). 9 minutes off the clock. 9 minutes! And it ends in points with the Lindell field goal to make the score 7-3 Chiefs.
Kudos not only to Chan Gailey for brilliant play calling, to finally get the Bills on the board and move the football as well ... but also to Romeo Crennel for adjusting the defense. The Bills had marched down the field using short, controlled passes. Nothing went for big yardage. Fitzpatrick didn't even try the big throw, it was all check-downs and screens.
Crennel, realizing this, subbed out every LB save for DJ, and went with a cover four once the Bills got to the Chiefs 30. The Bills stalled at that point, because the Chiefs had flooded the coverage, there was nowhere for Fitzpatrick to safely throw the ball. It's the little things in a game that can change the outcome. This was a highly underrated little moment, stalling the Bills offense by thinking one step ahead of their playcalling.
* I've mentioned the guy next to me yesterday. I have no idea who he is, he's never sat in 132 before. I don't even remember his name. But it was absolutely refreshing to sit next to someone who (a) understands the sport, (b) is sober (I hate being around visibly intoxicated people during a Chiefs game. I control my drinking out there until the game is over, and I'm pretty much a full blown alcoholic at this point. What's your excuse?), and (c) is like looking in the mirror. Let me explain.
No, the guy isn't as good looking as me, or have the chicks drooling in the hopes they can score a night with me, like I inspire girls to do. No, what I meant was, every freaking mannerism I do at a game? He was doing it as well. It was scary. I always hold up the closed fist when the Chiefs D makes a stop on third down, to signify "fourth down, send in the punter". He did the same thing. It wasn't a copy cat thing where he saw me do it, and thought "yeah, I'll do that too". He did it because it was a natural reaction, like he always did it.
We shared the same exact thoughts on strategy. At least 5 times yesterday, I turned to him to say what I thought or what I'd do, and he beat me to the statement.
Fun guy to sit next to. He's the first person I've sat next to in that place for the first time, and hoped he'd come back again, in a long time. That, and sweet Jesus, how scary is it that there's two people in this world that act, talk, and think exactly like me? The "Two Steves". That's like, terrifying.
* After exchanging punts, the Chiefs get the ball near the end of the third quarter at their own 30. And then proceed to run the football ten consecutive plays, setting up a 3rd and 8 at the 15 or 16 of Buffalo. We just overpowered those guys yesterday. And that's with two untested guys manning the guard positions in Richardson and (making his first start ever) Asomoah. Sadly, the 11th play was a short completion that came nowhere close to getting the first down, and the Chiefs settled for a Ryan Succup field goal to extend the lead to 10-3. But still, I love old school, "we're pounding the football down your throat until the gag reflex kicks in" football.
* At this point, there's about 10 minutes to play. The Bills, save for one drive, have done nothing on offense all day. And yet, we're only up a touchdown. Time to get nervous ...
* The Bills put together a couple first downs, and face a 3rd and 8 at the KC 43. (Two plays earlier, the Chiefs appeared to recover a fumble, but it was (correctly) overturned by replay. In the words of the late, great Esther Rolle: "damn, damn, damn!").
To say that Eric Berry blew the coverage, is an understatement. Roscoe Parrish was pretty much uncovered, easy 30 yard gain on 3rd and 8. Inexcusable. Absolutely horrendous pass coverage at a critical moment in the game. (Plus there was no secondary help -- Chiefs blitzed seven on the play). I know a lot of Chiefs fans will look at the 4th down touchdown (more in a second) and think that was the big play on the drive. Fine, I can buy that ... but Eric Berry having a total brain fart and forgetting to cover his guy on 3rd and 8 was every bit as big. If he's there and defends the pass, the Bills have to punt with 4 minutes to play, and if we can keep doing what we'd been doing all day on offense (running the ball at will) and gain two first downs, it's ballgame. Instead, the Bills tie it up with 2:18 to play, and I have to deal with the first of several "why! Why did you have to predict we'd lose! Godd*mmit Stevo, why!" blasts from the section 132 faithful.
(And yet, as panicky or worried as the others were, trust me -- nobody was more nervous than me. I'd envisioned this exact ending all week, and here it is playing out in front of me.)
* The Bills touchdown. Replay had no choice. I know that it was ruled a touchdown on the field. I know that the replays they were showing indicated that the receiver was down just before the goalline. But the angle of the replay didn't show where the ball was. Unless you're 100% certain, you can't overrule the ruling on the field. As much as it sucked ... the refs handled it right.
* After confirming at least two flasks still had liquor in them, the guy next to me and I begin rationally discussing this, and we come to the conclusion, this isn't so bad. Finally, Matt Cassel is in a position where he'll have to deliver. If the Chiefs can move the ball, get a couple first downs, they should at worst be in position to try a long field goal as time expires. Either it's good and you win, or you miss and go to overtime. No reason to panic yet. This is a golden opportunity for Matt Cassel to win over the skeptics.
Instead, he just threw fuel on the fire his skeptics have lit, tossing arguably the single worst pass attempt I have ever seen in my life on 3rd and 1. I literally stood there with my jaw wide open for fifteen seconds after seeing the "attempt" on 3rd and 1. Cassel bounced it. To an open receiver. Not even four feet away from him.
He bounced a two yard pass on 3rd and 1. In the words of the Spanish Bumblebee on "The Simpsons": aye yay yay! No me gusta! Now, it's stressful. The Chiefs not only are tied with an 0-6 team ... we're giving them the ball back with 2 minutes and 3 timeouts left. This is no bueno.
* Only, are we giving them the ball back? The Chiefs don't send in the punter! They're going for it! Cassel lines up under center, and in section 132, this hot-as-hell blogger immediately hits his knees and begins repeatedly saying "oh f*ck no. oh f*ck no. oh f*ck no". Fortunately, someone with an ounce of sense intervenes and calls timeout. (Couldn't tell you who did, again, I was on my knees pleading for someone to intervene and end this insanity). In trots Dusty C, who gets off a nice kick.
What angered me though, is why use the timeout? If you get the ball back, aren't you going to want and/or possibly need that third and final timeout? If you're going to punt, just take the penalty. Again, I like a lot of what Todd Haley and his staff are doing. I love the go-for-it mentality a lot of the time. I love the risk taking. I love being ahead of the NFL curve for once, instead of playing catch-up. But please, Todd, do yourself and everyone else a favor, and immediately hire Mike White again to manage the clock and timeouts. Not having that timeout really hurt, because ...
* It should be noted, on their last five drives (two in the fourth quarter, three in overtime), the Bills reached Chiefs territory. They only scored once, on the first drive. This one, the second, ends with Eric Berry picking off Fitzpatrick, to give Cassel and the Chiefs one more chance at eeking out the win in regulation. Granted, it would be a long shot, as the Chiefs started at their own 40 with no timeouts and only 20 seconds to play. But hey, stranger things have happened.
Of course, Cassel is immediately sacked, and we head to overtime. (Where not having that TO we whizzed away on the 4th and 1 punt hurt). But at least the defense held. This is going to be a recurring theme the rest of the game. They bent, but they never broke.
* Bills win the toss. They reach the KC 43 on one play, a 12 yard run and a 15 yard face mask penalty. Oy. Fortunately, the Chiefs man up, forcing two incompletions and a meaningless 3 yard gain. The Bills punt.
* Sitting two rows behind me yesterday, was one of the most annoying women I have ever had the unfortune to sit by. She literally screamed on every play, and she was cheering for Buffalo. In early overtime, I'd finally had enough, and turned around and started screaming at her. "Will you please shut the f*ck up! Shut the f*ck up! We're sick of this sh*t! Just shut your f*cking mouth!" Kind of shocked her. Kind of shocked me too -- I certainly have never told a 50ish year old black woman to "shut your f*cking mouth" before. That's what stress does to you.
(And did she shut up? Hell no. She just kept getting louder and more obnoxious. Sadly, she ducked out right after the Chiefs won, so I didn't get to say anything lippy or smart-assish to her. Here's hoping, unlike the guy next to me yesterday, that woman never comes with 500 feet of section 132 ever again).
* The Chiefs get to midfield, and face a 4th and 2. In trots Dusty C. Looks like Coach learned from his brain fart 10 minutes earlier. Good to see.
* The Bills again drive, and line up for a game winning 53 yard attempt. It's good. Only, Todd Haley pulled the patented mike shanahan "call TO right before the snap" move. On the retry ... it's off the upright! No good!
(For a 13-10 game that was more painful to watch than any episode of season eight of "NYPD Blue" (man the Rick Schroder years sucked) for the first 55 minutes, the last 20 were really, really intense and intriguing).
* After the miss, I turn to the guy next to me, and we both agree -- air it out. Go for the jugular. The Bills will be expecting another run, try to catch them off guard. Cassel goes play action on 1st down, and hits a wide open Tony Moeaki for almost 20 yards. The Chiefs then run it the next six plays, to set up a Ryan Succup attempt from 39 yards out. The 3rd down run infuriated me. We were playing it way too conservatively. We didn't even attempt to get the first down and extend the drive, we were content to attempt a 40 yard field goal, into a very stiff wind. That decision bit us in the ass when Succup wasn't even close on his attempt. Instead of a Chiefs victory, we're still going, and now momentum is back with the Bills.
(blackstreet voice) Play on playa.
* The Bills take a play from the Chiefs / "Two Steves" playbook of our previous series, and here again, is one of those highly underrated moments that everyone will skip over when trying to figure out how we won this game. The Chiefs are caught with their proverbial pants down, so to speak. We are completely unprepared for a Bills bomb. Brandon Flowers has no choice, and reaches out and grabs a wide open, streaking for a huge gain Lee Evans. I couldn't get upset, Flowers had no choice. Either he draws the flag, or the Bills win the game on a 71 yard touchdown, Evans was that wide open. I pound the seat in front of me in frustration though, because the pass interference call was going to get the Bills inside of Chiefs territory again.
Only ... Al Riveron calls defensive holding on Flowers. Instead of this being a 35 yard pass interference penalty, it's only a 5 yarder. Still, this being the Bills, they manage to reach the Chiefs 40 yet again, and given that Lindell hit the upright from 53 yards out, they only need about 3 yards at this point to try a field goal that has a decent shot of going in.
First down: incomplete, great coverage by Carr.
Second down: incomplete, batted down (and nearly picked) by Arenas.
Third down: intentional grounding. The Bills line just collapsed against the Chiefs pressure.
With its back to the wall, with the hopes of Chiefs Nation fading, with the prospect of p*ssing away one of the most winnable games on the schedule now a very realistic possibility, the Chiefs defense, on the ropes, having been on the field for a staggering 31 out of the last 43 minutes of play (aka "they're spent"), these guys manned up in a way no Chiefs defense has in at least 5 years, since "The Stand" on 4th and 2 against denver. When we needed them the most, they delivered their finest hour.
(Yes, the goalline stand against San Diego in the opener this year was a huge defensive moment ... but it wasn't as big as holding in overtime yesterday. If San Diego scores on that drive eight weeks ago, we go to overtime. If Buffalo scores on that final drive yesterday, we lose. That's a pretty big difference).
* So now, once again, for the fifth time in the last 17 minutes, Matt Cassel is being given the ball, needing only to drive for a field goal to win. Finally, Cassel delivers.
* Before I forget and get into the Chiefs final drive, I gotta say, there was a moment in there on Sunday, when I literally got chills. You could kind of hear it a little bit in the 4th quarter and overtime, but on the final stand, you heard it on 1st down, you started to really hear it on 2nd down, and on 3rd down, it was deafening, a chant you haven't heard much in that stadium lately, a staple of the 1990s and early 2000s.
"De-Fence! (pound seat! pound seat!)"
"De-Fence! (pound seat! pound seat!)"
Awesome stuff.
* Chiefs take over with 1:13 to go, no timeouts, at their own 31. Succup has already missed in overtime from 39, so realistically, we've gotta get inside the 20 to have a shot. 60 yards, in 70 seconds, with no TOs.
First down, a beautiful little dump off to Charles, who jukes his way downfield for 16 yards. The noise, the hopes, starting to build. Cassel hurries the guys to the line, the ball is snapped, and in another one of those "whoa, this guy might not be as bad as we think!" moments that frustrate the living hell out of me when it comes to Cassel, Cassel doesn't spike it. Instead he looks to the sideline, to see if Tucker can shed his defender, or if his defender isn't paying attention, expecting the spike. Cassel was trying to steal the win right there. Sadly, the Bills defender was paying attention, so Cassel then just overthrew Tucker out of bounds to stop the clock.
Say what you want about the guy, and God knows I said a lot of unprintable comments at times about him yesterday and in the prior games of his tenure here ... but in the heat of the moment, he kept his head. He didn't just robotically spike the ball -- he tried to catch the Bills off guard and steal the victory. That's what I want in my quarterback, someone who doesn't lose his head in the moment. That was a great positive sign yesterday.
* Next play, now near midfield, a beautiful pass to Moeaki for 18 to the Bills 35. At least, no matter what, we can attempt a field goal now. Plus, the Bills are flagged on the play for (I forget which) defensive holding or illegal contact. Chiefs decline and take the result of the play, but because of the flag, the clock is stopped.
Cassel again drops back to pass, again hits Moeaki for a first down, to the Bills 24. It's 42 from there. That's makeable. Cassel spikes the ball on first down to stop the clock with :26 left.
Before I can even say it, the "other Steve" leans over and goes "run it here! Catch them off guard, and the clock is not a factor right now!" Exactly what I was thinking. It took 16 seconds to run the previous play from snap to spike, and that's on a downfield pass. If you run it here, with everyone congested in the middle of the field, you should be able to spike the ball with at least :05 left.
Chuck Weis had the same line of thought as the "Two Steves". The call is a Jamaal Charles run, and he almost breaks it. He's drug down at the 16 by the last line of defense. Cassel calmly gets the team to the line, and (another underrated moment) waits a second for everyone to stabilize, before snapping and spiking the ball. Cassel understood -- a penalty there means a 10 second runoff, and no field goal attempt. Take the extra second or two, make sure everyone is set, then spike it to ensure you get to at least attempt a kick. You only need :01 to try a field goal, as we all (sadly) learned in last year's Big XII Title Game. Outstanding job by Cassel on the last two drives yesterday -- he kept his composure, he out-thought the defense, he understood the risk of spiking it before everyone was set.
And oh yeah, he moved us into makeable field goal range on both drives.
* Succup lines up, and as I hit my knees to pray for the kick to go through, I have to be honest. I had zero doubt he'd make it. I almost didn't hit the knees, I knew he was going to drill this one right down the middle. He knew the wind now. He knew what to expect. (Which is why not trying the field goal on this end of the field in the 1st quarter hurt. If he'd had the prior experience, he might have made that first OT kick, or better yet, if he makes that first quarter attempt, we never go to overtime).
The kick, it's good! He played the wind perfectly. After some jubiliant high-fives and victory hugs, I just kind of drop into my seat with a goofy, relieved grin on my face.
* I get to the top of the steps, start heading towards the ramp, and I can't help it. Todd Reesing fist pump. After fist pumping some more as the steel is getting pounded in celebration by thousands of Chiefs fans (not one of whom left early yesterday -- great job guys!), I look over at Katie and she goes "oh just do it!"
You're damned right I ran over and started pounding the columns in celebration. It's every bit as cool as I thought it would be. (And yes, it frightens me too that smacking a steel column can get me that excited. It's easily as comparible an excitement as laying on a stage with a dollar bill in your mouth inside a run-down shack on the gravelly road portion of East 15th Street in unincorporated Douglas County while a "waitress" collects her "tip". Uum, not that I've ever done that. Let's just move on).
* Ran into Bill outside the gate. Both of us just had the same look of relief and joy at the same time. Vessie joked "if we play any more games like this, I'm killing Bill's surgeon and the guy who saved his life last year. I can't take this stress anymore!"
Which is exactly what I felt like too. Completely stressed out. I even texted "first time i've had to puke from stress out here since 2006. it feels great!"
* Got back to the buses, and pushed everyone out of the way, repeatedly saying "I need my vodka. I need my vodka". Best tasting screwdriver of the day. I'd earned it.
* Did the whipped cream shot first.
(i'd like to think this had a huge part to do with the victory. photo: somebody using my camera to record yet another humiliating moment in my life).
* Castro arrived with his tequila bottles, and since I had to do a shot, I start asking around for one of the little solo shot cups we use. Castro had other ideas -- he pulled out a huge shot glass, poured it to the top, and said "enjoy it man!" Unreal. The dude walks around with 8oz shooter glasses in his pocket.
(Also unreal? When he first got there for post-game celebrating, our Cuervo bottle was pretty much completely full. Not even 15 minutes later, it was half empty. There were only two people drinking out of it, and the second person only did two shots out of his shooter glass. He drank nearly half a handle of tequila in 15 minutes, and not only was not lying on the ground unconscious, he wasn't even showing any visible outward signs of intoxication! I didn't know whether to be impressed or scared. I went with impressed).
I somehow managed to get the whole shot down without any of it coming back up. Although the tequila certainly was trying to escape my stomach. (Apparently tequila and vodka do not mix at all. My stomach was rumbling the rest of the afternoon).
* Pretty uneventful drive home, other than Joe and his date engaging in some very public displays of affection. After watching the late games and having a couple more screwdrivers, it was off for home.
* Now ... the season gets interesting.
Sunday, come 3pm, the Chiefs visit the second place oakland raiders. The surging oakland raiders, who absolutely boatraced the donkeys in denver, and demolished the first place Seahawks yesterday. Yes, the Chiefs have won seven straight in the Black Hole ... but 6 of those were by a touchdown or less. (Only the 2006 game was a double digit final).
History indicates this will be a tight, low-scoring defensive battle won by the team that makes the fewest mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, yesterday was a godsend. The raiders have improved, but they're not as good as the Chiefs. Yesterday, the Chiefs showed they can win ugly. Which is good, because I think we're going to have to do that again on Sunday.
Enjoy Victory Monday. God knows I am, albeit with shakes, a still rumbling stomach, and bloodshot eyes. And then be ready for the most stressful game of the season so far come Sunday afternoon. They only get more stressful from here folks. Every week gets more nerve-wracking than the previous one. And I can hardly wait!
("sweet daddy stevo") hey, y'all are taking requests, right?
(chick in the band) sure! what would you like us to play?
("sweet daddy stevo") sweet caroline!
(chick in the band) (pauses)
(chick in the band) well, we've never really had that one requested before.
("sweet daddy stevo") (in shock) really?
(chick in the band) we'll give it a try, if you'll come up and sing it.
("sweet daddy stevo") sure, why not.
If you weren't lucky enough to witness my on-stage singing debut, well ... in the words of the great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner, "it was something really special". In a total train-wreck kind of way.
Oh, and as a FYI … rumor has it there might be a "live blog" of Tuesday's election debacle. As our old high school history teacher would say, "stay tuned" ...
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Let's get one thing out of the way. You never apologize for a win. Especially when said win keeps you 1 1/2 clear of the field in the AFC West, and ties you for the best record in the conference. Having said that, wow, that game yesterday was worse than even I anticipated it would be. And I'm the guy who spent all week saying that "I have a horrible feeling about this game".
If this team is fortunate enough to reach the postseason, don't underestimate the outcome yesterday. A loss would have been catastrophic. A tie would have been a disaster. But remember -- legitimate playoff contenders find a way to beat bad teams at home. They may struggle, they may play worse than the MU rushing defense in the first quarter from Saturday, but they find a way to win. The Chiefs struggled big time yesterday, but in the end, they found a way to win. And that's all that ultimately matters. They won.
As always, my thoughts on the day that was, and the game that was, is in the recap below ...
* some tragic news to report from Saturday to begin with. After I finally found my sweet 1970s red velvet pimp daddy jacket to complete the look, I decided to get in a few quick games of bowling, since I haven't gotten off to a great start this fall. So, I head over to everyone's favorite run-down bowling alley ... only, it's closed.
(tony bruno voice) no!
Laurel Lanes is no mas, and has a "for sale" sign up. On the Steve Tragedy-o-Meter, this ranks somewhere between "Prop 19 fails tomorrow" and "Prohibition returns". Let's hope somebody with deep pockets buys the place and reopens it.
* a very crowded start to the day yesterday. All told, a group of about 20 folks on the two buses. And once again, neither bus was even close to being first in line. I think people are starting to not just get, but actually read the memo that says "hey, it's ok to be a Chiefs fan again".
(best. sign. ever. photo: me).
* It was a little bit Nipsey Russell out there yesterday morning. The wind was ridiculous. At least the sun was shining. But man, was I glad we went with buffalo stew and chili as the menu. It was definitely Nipsey Russell out there.
(wait, someone other than me passed out at a chiefs tailgate? what the hell?!?! photo: me).
* About 9:30am, it was time to have some fun. Someone came up with the smart idea to put the sides up on the EZ Up, to block the wind. Once that was proven to work, there was really only one option left to do. Bust out the table, it's beer pong time!
((joe budden voice) pong! pong it up! photo: me).
* Another sign I might have had a bit too much the night before? I didn't drink at all during tailgating yesterday. I had one cocktail, and that wasn't until 10:30, after Anthony and Gregg both started taunting me for not drinking. Peer pressure rules.
(hey look! it's "tony and lisa"! sorry about the name screwup last game guys. talk about a brain fart. our good friends jeff and paula, in from omaha yet again to root this team on to victory. photo: me).
* We had a Jenni sighting yesterday! Her first game of the year.
* After a solid three plus hours of tailgating, enjoying the music, beer pong, tossing the football around, good conversations, fun folks stopping by ... finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for, arrived.
Katie had dressed up like our good tailgating buddy across the street, Castro. (Honestly, it was scary how much she looked like him). Only, it gets to be 10:30, and he's not there yet. Tyler jokingly suggested he was probably in jail from the night before. Another person joked he was probably still passed out from the night before.
Finally, as we're breaking down the tailgate, about 11:10am, he arrived. And he did not disappoint. He was lugging not one, not two, but three! freaking bottles of Patron around in a Bud Light beer case. He also had another bottle of Cuervo in there. Thankfully, the guy can take a joke or three, and loved the imitation. After a few shots of Patron and Cuervo, it was off to the stadium.
(seeing double at 11am. a tailgating tradition for 15 years and counting. photo: me).
* My victory bet shots for this game? I promised to do a whipped cream shot, this time hitting my knees and letting someone spray that crap into my mouth (aka "the way it should be done"). I also had to do a shot of Cuervo with Castro after the game. (More on this later. Let's just say, the guy's an all time classic).
* Pretty uneventful walk in. After heading through security, I headed over for the beer line, because I knew I was going to need something to get through this game. Again, I had a bad, bad feeling about this game. I get in line behind this chick that's about my age, and to be honest, the first thought that entered my mind when I saw her was, to borrow a phrase from the talentless, crappy rapper J'Kwon: "e'rybody in the club gettin' tipsy". She finally gets up to order, and orders a margarita, only she doesn't want it in the "souvenir glass", she wants it in a normal plastic beer cup. (To be fair: she did exactly what I was planning to do. I have no use for those "souvenir glasses". That, and they don't fit in your cupholder.
So our concession lady agrees to do it, only she notes to the chick that her glass won't be full, because she can only pour as much as the souvenir glass would hold (about 16oz), and the plastic beer glass is 22oz. The chick just kind of nods, not really paying attention. The concession lady comes back, and the glass is maybe 2/3 full, just like the concession lady had told her it would be.
Tipsy chick just went ape sh*t ballistic. "Why isn't my glass full?" Then starting dropping swear bombs and calling the concession chick every name in the book. Finally after about a two minute verbal tirade, she leaves $11 on the counter, grabs her drink, and stumbles off.
Now, forget the obvious point here (that $11 for a watered down margarita without salt is an absolute national outrage, and that wasn't even the worst overcharge -- they wanted $13.50 for a bench warmer! $13.50 for watered down hot chocolate with a splash of schnapps!). No, what struck me is this: how degenerate of a drinker have you got to be, to be so smashed at 11:30 in the morning, that you come unhinged over how your drink was poured? I certainly am no stranger to the world of drunkenness, but I have never been so lit at 11:30am that I can't control my emotional reaction to someone pouring me a drink. Oy.
* The KC Wolf sketch was worse than horrible. Like it's not bad enough that we have a lame mascot that hasn't had an original sketch in a decade. Now, we don't even get the "visiting team's fans mock Wolf, then run away, so Wolf gets on a conveniently-placed ATV to chase them down the tunnel and then pummel them" sketches. Yesterday's sketch was Wolf doing basic training, then driving down the tunnel on his ATV, waving a US flag, and ... scene. That was it.
And yet, that wasn't even the worst part of the pregame festivities, because ...
* My most irrationally hated moment was nearly a minute premature! Either the Chiefs were running horribly behind schedule (my guess) ... or the flyover pilot couldn't even come close to timing the moment right. He or she flew the fuel tanker over the stadium right as Trailer Choir had just begun to sing the Anthem. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if there's one thing in life you never want to be known for, it's arriving prematurely.
* Bills won the toss, elected to defer. I thought that was a mistake -- why not take the ball, try to score early, and try to take the crowd out of it early?
* Of course, the Chiefs drive, but stall at the Bills 33. Rather than go for it on 4th and 8, or try a long field goal into the wind, the Chiefs punt. Touchback. I was not happy with the decision. I would have tried the field goal, to at least see what Succup's range on the east side was for yesterday. I'm fully aware there's a 95 percent chance that kick would have missed. The wind was horrid in there yesterday. But if you're going to gamble, why not there, on the opening drive of the game? Either kick the field goal, or go for it. You sure as all hell don't punt the ball when it only nets you a gain of 13 yards (and gives the ball away).
* Thankfully, we were facing the Bills. Who could do nothing on offense until the 4th quarter yesterday.
* The first "what the f*ck is he thinking?" Matt Cassel moment of the day? On a 3rd and 3 at the Chiefs 48, late first quarter, Cassel attempts a pass to an open Jamaal Charles that would have gotten the Chiefs a first down. The problem was ... the pass was horribly thrown.
* After a quarter of play, each team had had three possessions. Each team had punted three times. As I texted a few people later in the game, but it certainly applied at the time as well, "is this game as coma inducing on tv as it is in person". Somehow, the crowd kept in it. Because we are the best, most loyal, most passionate, most knowledgable fans in the NFL.
* First drive of the 2nd quarter, the Chiefs have a 4th and 2 at the Bills 19 in my end zone. Todd Haley opts to go for it. As I've noted many, many times before: "you always take the point early. Because it will always bite you in the ass if you don't". I'm not saying Succup would have made it. But why not attempt it, again, if only to confirm the kicking conditions and establish his range? That, and if you can't hit from 36 with no pressure on the situation, you probably shouldn't be kicking in the NFL.
* The next Chiefs drive (after another Bills three and out), the Chiefs get to midfield and have 3rd and less than a foot. I turn to the guy next to me (more on him momentarily), and we both immediately concur that you just pound it straight ahead with TJ, get the yard, and keep the drive going. The Chiefs come out with Cassel in the shotgun, and he short-arms a pass for Leonard Pope. Haley then elects to punt. On a 4th and less than 1 at midfield. After he's just gone for it on a 4th and 2 inside the red zone. Baffling, to put it mildly. And boo-inducing, deservedly so.
* The Chiefs next drive was our sole touchdown of the day, and if I'm going to rip him for some idiotic decision making yesterday, I gotta give Cassel some credit for the two big plays on the drive. The first being a beautiful pass to Charles in the middle of the field that led to a 30 yard gain. Cassel waited, drew the rush in, then lofted it over the defensive linemen right into Charles' hands, and he took off with a lot of room to run. The second being two plays later, after Charles runs it to the goalline. Cassel went no-huddle, to keep the Bills defensive personnel on the field. A brilliant read, because the Bills were in a cover three. Cassel takes the snap, take a one step drop, and aims it at D Bowe, who makes the catch against a clueless Bills defender.
I'm all for ripping Cassel when he sucks. But that was a brilliant read of the situation, first by forcing a reeling Bills defense in a bad personnel formation to stay on the field, then by calling for a no-risk pass (either Bowe drops it, and we've got 2nd and goal at the 1, or he catches it, and we score. The Bills defender had no opportunity to defend the pass). Job well done.
* The Bills final drive of the half stalls just inside of Chiefs territory, and we reach halftime at 7-0. So before I go any further, because I'm sure my impression of halftime was far, far different than that of just about anyone who will read this, let me say, this is my blog, this is my post, this is my opinion. I do not hate the US armed forces, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who have served. So if what I took from halftime offends you ... I am not apologizing for it, because it's my post, it's my opinion.
Having said that up front: I thought the halftime was well done. I didn't have an issue with anything that occurred. The Chiefs had a stirring tribute to various service men and women who are season ticket holders. The Marine Corps recruits who were sworn in got a very loud, long, and deserved applause. As did the scrolling list of everyone from Chiefs Nation that had given the ultimate sacrifice in the last two years.
What struck me wasn't the mood, or the tone, or the actual ceremonies. What I'll take from halftime is this: what a waste of human life.
Every name that scrolled by, most complete with pictures, just showed the tale. Young people giving their lives for what, exactly? For a war the previous President declared victory in over seven years ago? For a nine years and counting failed operation against the Taliban in Afghanistan? How much better would our nation be if these brave, heroic folks were still amongst the productive and the living here in the States, if they'd never had to go fight in a war (or wars) that the plug should have been pulled on years ago (or never started in the first place).
And worse yet, we're applauding this? We're celebrating the waste of these people's lives? What's wrong with us?
What a waste of human life. What a waste of potential. What a waste. That's what I took from halftime. The waste of life, money, and national prestige that the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are. If that makes me anti-American, or some kind of horrible person, so be it. Maybe this country would be better off though, if we'd stop and think for even a couple minutes and asked "wait, is this war really worth it? Are we really safer as a nation because of Iraq and Afghanistan?" Again, just one person's opinion, and at times, that opinion is certifiably nuts. And maybe this is one of those times. But I stopped and asked the question. And the answer I reached is "nope. These wars don't make us safer, and they aren't worth the sacrifice and lives it costs to fight them". Which is why I felt the way I did watching those names scroll by yesterday. What a waste of human life.
(And spare me the "typical Democrat blaming Bush for everything" bullsh*t. Every one of those poor folks was killed in combat under Obama's watch. Obama to me is worse than Bush, in that he should know better than to keep wasting our nation's most valuable resource (its people) in wars that are unsustainable and unwinnable. You don't keep ramping up troop levels in some ridiculous effort to salvage something out of the situation; you pull the plug and cut your losses).
OK, back to the game before I say even more that p*sses off every person in the readership base ...
* The Bills first drive of the second half, was a thing of absolute beauty for both Buffalo and KC. Once they scored, I just turned to the guy next to me, and just shook my head with a knowing "man, that was great to watch" look. He had turned to me ... with the same exact look on his face. You have to appreciate beautiful football when you see it, and that drive was just epic. 15 plays (none for negative yardage, save for the false start that the Bills took to open the drive). 9 minutes off the clock. 9 minutes! And it ends in points with the Lindell field goal to make the score 7-3 Chiefs.
Kudos not only to Chan Gailey for brilliant play calling, to finally get the Bills on the board and move the football as well ... but also to Romeo Crennel for adjusting the defense. The Bills had marched down the field using short, controlled passes. Nothing went for big yardage. Fitzpatrick didn't even try the big throw, it was all check-downs and screens.
Crennel, realizing this, subbed out every LB save for DJ, and went with a cover four once the Bills got to the Chiefs 30. The Bills stalled at that point, because the Chiefs had flooded the coverage, there was nowhere for Fitzpatrick to safely throw the ball. It's the little things in a game that can change the outcome. This was a highly underrated little moment, stalling the Bills offense by thinking one step ahead of their playcalling.
* I've mentioned the guy next to me yesterday. I have no idea who he is, he's never sat in 132 before. I don't even remember his name. But it was absolutely refreshing to sit next to someone who (a) understands the sport, (b) is sober (I hate being around visibly intoxicated people during a Chiefs game. I control my drinking out there until the game is over, and I'm pretty much a full blown alcoholic at this point. What's your excuse?), and (c) is like looking in the mirror. Let me explain.
No, the guy isn't as good looking as me, or have the chicks drooling in the hopes they can score a night with me, like I inspire girls to do. No, what I meant was, every freaking mannerism I do at a game? He was doing it as well. It was scary. I always hold up the closed fist when the Chiefs D makes a stop on third down, to signify "fourth down, send in the punter". He did the same thing. It wasn't a copy cat thing where he saw me do it, and thought "yeah, I'll do that too". He did it because it was a natural reaction, like he always did it.
We shared the same exact thoughts on strategy. At least 5 times yesterday, I turned to him to say what I thought or what I'd do, and he beat me to the statement.
Fun guy to sit next to. He's the first person I've sat next to in that place for the first time, and hoped he'd come back again, in a long time. That, and sweet Jesus, how scary is it that there's two people in this world that act, talk, and think exactly like me? The "Two Steves". That's like, terrifying.
* After exchanging punts, the Chiefs get the ball near the end of the third quarter at their own 30. And then proceed to run the football ten consecutive plays, setting up a 3rd and 8 at the 15 or 16 of Buffalo. We just overpowered those guys yesterday. And that's with two untested guys manning the guard positions in Richardson and (making his first start ever) Asomoah. Sadly, the 11th play was a short completion that came nowhere close to getting the first down, and the Chiefs settled for a Ryan Succup field goal to extend the lead to 10-3. But still, I love old school, "we're pounding the football down your throat until the gag reflex kicks in" football.
* At this point, there's about 10 minutes to play. The Bills, save for one drive, have done nothing on offense all day. And yet, we're only up a touchdown. Time to get nervous ...
* The Bills put together a couple first downs, and face a 3rd and 8 at the KC 43. (Two plays earlier, the Chiefs appeared to recover a fumble, but it was (correctly) overturned by replay. In the words of the late, great Esther Rolle: "damn, damn, damn!").
To say that Eric Berry blew the coverage, is an understatement. Roscoe Parrish was pretty much uncovered, easy 30 yard gain on 3rd and 8. Inexcusable. Absolutely horrendous pass coverage at a critical moment in the game. (Plus there was no secondary help -- Chiefs blitzed seven on the play). I know a lot of Chiefs fans will look at the 4th down touchdown (more in a second) and think that was the big play on the drive. Fine, I can buy that ... but Eric Berry having a total brain fart and forgetting to cover his guy on 3rd and 8 was every bit as big. If he's there and defends the pass, the Bills have to punt with 4 minutes to play, and if we can keep doing what we'd been doing all day on offense (running the ball at will) and gain two first downs, it's ballgame. Instead, the Bills tie it up with 2:18 to play, and I have to deal with the first of several "why! Why did you have to predict we'd lose! Godd*mmit Stevo, why!" blasts from the section 132 faithful.
(And yet, as panicky or worried as the others were, trust me -- nobody was more nervous than me. I'd envisioned this exact ending all week, and here it is playing out in front of me.)
* The Bills touchdown. Replay had no choice. I know that it was ruled a touchdown on the field. I know that the replays they were showing indicated that the receiver was down just before the goalline. But the angle of the replay didn't show where the ball was. Unless you're 100% certain, you can't overrule the ruling on the field. As much as it sucked ... the refs handled it right.
* After confirming at least two flasks still had liquor in them, the guy next to me and I begin rationally discussing this, and we come to the conclusion, this isn't so bad. Finally, Matt Cassel is in a position where he'll have to deliver. If the Chiefs can move the ball, get a couple first downs, they should at worst be in position to try a long field goal as time expires. Either it's good and you win, or you miss and go to overtime. No reason to panic yet. This is a golden opportunity for Matt Cassel to win over the skeptics.
Instead, he just threw fuel on the fire his skeptics have lit, tossing arguably the single worst pass attempt I have ever seen in my life on 3rd and 1. I literally stood there with my jaw wide open for fifteen seconds after seeing the "attempt" on 3rd and 1. Cassel bounced it. To an open receiver. Not even four feet away from him.
He bounced a two yard pass on 3rd and 1. In the words of the Spanish Bumblebee on "The Simpsons": aye yay yay! No me gusta! Now, it's stressful. The Chiefs not only are tied with an 0-6 team ... we're giving them the ball back with 2 minutes and 3 timeouts left. This is no bueno.
* Only, are we giving them the ball back? The Chiefs don't send in the punter! They're going for it! Cassel lines up under center, and in section 132, this hot-as-hell blogger immediately hits his knees and begins repeatedly saying "oh f*ck no. oh f*ck no. oh f*ck no". Fortunately, someone with an ounce of sense intervenes and calls timeout. (Couldn't tell you who did, again, I was on my knees pleading for someone to intervene and end this insanity). In trots Dusty C, who gets off a nice kick.
What angered me though, is why use the timeout? If you get the ball back, aren't you going to want and/or possibly need that third and final timeout? If you're going to punt, just take the penalty. Again, I like a lot of what Todd Haley and his staff are doing. I love the go-for-it mentality a lot of the time. I love the risk taking. I love being ahead of the NFL curve for once, instead of playing catch-up. But please, Todd, do yourself and everyone else a favor, and immediately hire Mike White again to manage the clock and timeouts. Not having that timeout really hurt, because ...
* It should be noted, on their last five drives (two in the fourth quarter, three in overtime), the Bills reached Chiefs territory. They only scored once, on the first drive. This one, the second, ends with Eric Berry picking off Fitzpatrick, to give Cassel and the Chiefs one more chance at eeking out the win in regulation. Granted, it would be a long shot, as the Chiefs started at their own 40 with no timeouts and only 20 seconds to play. But hey, stranger things have happened.
Of course, Cassel is immediately sacked, and we head to overtime. (Where not having that TO we whizzed away on the 4th and 1 punt hurt). But at least the defense held. This is going to be a recurring theme the rest of the game. They bent, but they never broke.
* Bills win the toss. They reach the KC 43 on one play, a 12 yard run and a 15 yard face mask penalty. Oy. Fortunately, the Chiefs man up, forcing two incompletions and a meaningless 3 yard gain. The Bills punt.
* Sitting two rows behind me yesterday, was one of the most annoying women I have ever had the unfortune to sit by. She literally screamed on every play, and she was cheering for Buffalo. In early overtime, I'd finally had enough, and turned around and started screaming at her. "Will you please shut the f*ck up! Shut the f*ck up! We're sick of this sh*t! Just shut your f*cking mouth!" Kind of shocked her. Kind of shocked me too -- I certainly have never told a 50ish year old black woman to "shut your f*cking mouth" before. That's what stress does to you.
(And did she shut up? Hell no. She just kept getting louder and more obnoxious. Sadly, she ducked out right after the Chiefs won, so I didn't get to say anything lippy or smart-assish to her. Here's hoping, unlike the guy next to me yesterday, that woman never comes with 500 feet of section 132 ever again).
* The Chiefs get to midfield, and face a 4th and 2. In trots Dusty C. Looks like Coach learned from his brain fart 10 minutes earlier. Good to see.
* The Bills again drive, and line up for a game winning 53 yard attempt. It's good. Only, Todd Haley pulled the patented mike shanahan "call TO right before the snap" move. On the retry ... it's off the upright! No good!
(For a 13-10 game that was more painful to watch than any episode of season eight of "NYPD Blue" (man the Rick Schroder years sucked) for the first 55 minutes, the last 20 were really, really intense and intriguing).
* After the miss, I turn to the guy next to me, and we both agree -- air it out. Go for the jugular. The Bills will be expecting another run, try to catch them off guard. Cassel goes play action on 1st down, and hits a wide open Tony Moeaki for almost 20 yards. The Chiefs then run it the next six plays, to set up a Ryan Succup attempt from 39 yards out. The 3rd down run infuriated me. We were playing it way too conservatively. We didn't even attempt to get the first down and extend the drive, we were content to attempt a 40 yard field goal, into a very stiff wind. That decision bit us in the ass when Succup wasn't even close on his attempt. Instead of a Chiefs victory, we're still going, and now momentum is back with the Bills.
(blackstreet voice) Play on playa.
* The Bills take a play from the Chiefs / "Two Steves" playbook of our previous series, and here again, is one of those highly underrated moments that everyone will skip over when trying to figure out how we won this game. The Chiefs are caught with their proverbial pants down, so to speak. We are completely unprepared for a Bills bomb. Brandon Flowers has no choice, and reaches out and grabs a wide open, streaking for a huge gain Lee Evans. I couldn't get upset, Flowers had no choice. Either he draws the flag, or the Bills win the game on a 71 yard touchdown, Evans was that wide open. I pound the seat in front of me in frustration though, because the pass interference call was going to get the Bills inside of Chiefs territory again.
Only ... Al Riveron calls defensive holding on Flowers. Instead of this being a 35 yard pass interference penalty, it's only a 5 yarder. Still, this being the Bills, they manage to reach the Chiefs 40 yet again, and given that Lindell hit the upright from 53 yards out, they only need about 3 yards at this point to try a field goal that has a decent shot of going in.
First down: incomplete, great coverage by Carr.
Second down: incomplete, batted down (and nearly picked) by Arenas.
Third down: intentional grounding. The Bills line just collapsed against the Chiefs pressure.
With its back to the wall, with the hopes of Chiefs Nation fading, with the prospect of p*ssing away one of the most winnable games on the schedule now a very realistic possibility, the Chiefs defense, on the ropes, having been on the field for a staggering 31 out of the last 43 minutes of play (aka "they're spent"), these guys manned up in a way no Chiefs defense has in at least 5 years, since "The Stand" on 4th and 2 against denver. When we needed them the most, they delivered their finest hour.
(Yes, the goalline stand against San Diego in the opener this year was a huge defensive moment ... but it wasn't as big as holding in overtime yesterday. If San Diego scores on that drive eight weeks ago, we go to overtime. If Buffalo scores on that final drive yesterday, we lose. That's a pretty big difference).
* So now, once again, for the fifth time in the last 17 minutes, Matt Cassel is being given the ball, needing only to drive for a field goal to win. Finally, Cassel delivers.
* Before I forget and get into the Chiefs final drive, I gotta say, there was a moment in there on Sunday, when I literally got chills. You could kind of hear it a little bit in the 4th quarter and overtime, but on the final stand, you heard it on 1st down, you started to really hear it on 2nd down, and on 3rd down, it was deafening, a chant you haven't heard much in that stadium lately, a staple of the 1990s and early 2000s.
"De-Fence! (pound seat! pound seat!)"
"De-Fence! (pound seat! pound seat!)"
Awesome stuff.
* Chiefs take over with 1:13 to go, no timeouts, at their own 31. Succup has already missed in overtime from 39, so realistically, we've gotta get inside the 20 to have a shot. 60 yards, in 70 seconds, with no TOs.
First down, a beautiful little dump off to Charles, who jukes his way downfield for 16 yards. The noise, the hopes, starting to build. Cassel hurries the guys to the line, the ball is snapped, and in another one of those "whoa, this guy might not be as bad as we think!" moments that frustrate the living hell out of me when it comes to Cassel, Cassel doesn't spike it. Instead he looks to the sideline, to see if Tucker can shed his defender, or if his defender isn't paying attention, expecting the spike. Cassel was trying to steal the win right there. Sadly, the Bills defender was paying attention, so Cassel then just overthrew Tucker out of bounds to stop the clock.
Say what you want about the guy, and God knows I said a lot of unprintable comments at times about him yesterday and in the prior games of his tenure here ... but in the heat of the moment, he kept his head. He didn't just robotically spike the ball -- he tried to catch the Bills off guard and steal the victory. That's what I want in my quarterback, someone who doesn't lose his head in the moment. That was a great positive sign yesterday.
* Next play, now near midfield, a beautiful pass to Moeaki for 18 to the Bills 35. At least, no matter what, we can attempt a field goal now. Plus, the Bills are flagged on the play for (I forget which) defensive holding or illegal contact. Chiefs decline and take the result of the play, but because of the flag, the clock is stopped.
Cassel again drops back to pass, again hits Moeaki for a first down, to the Bills 24. It's 42 from there. That's makeable. Cassel spikes the ball on first down to stop the clock with :26 left.
Before I can even say it, the "other Steve" leans over and goes "run it here! Catch them off guard, and the clock is not a factor right now!" Exactly what I was thinking. It took 16 seconds to run the previous play from snap to spike, and that's on a downfield pass. If you run it here, with everyone congested in the middle of the field, you should be able to spike the ball with at least :05 left.
Chuck Weis had the same line of thought as the "Two Steves". The call is a Jamaal Charles run, and he almost breaks it. He's drug down at the 16 by the last line of defense. Cassel calmly gets the team to the line, and (another underrated moment) waits a second for everyone to stabilize, before snapping and spiking the ball. Cassel understood -- a penalty there means a 10 second runoff, and no field goal attempt. Take the extra second or two, make sure everyone is set, then spike it to ensure you get to at least attempt a kick. You only need :01 to try a field goal, as we all (sadly) learned in last year's Big XII Title Game. Outstanding job by Cassel on the last two drives yesterday -- he kept his composure, he out-thought the defense, he understood the risk of spiking it before everyone was set.
And oh yeah, he moved us into makeable field goal range on both drives.
* Succup lines up, and as I hit my knees to pray for the kick to go through, I have to be honest. I had zero doubt he'd make it. I almost didn't hit the knees, I knew he was going to drill this one right down the middle. He knew the wind now. He knew what to expect. (Which is why not trying the field goal on this end of the field in the 1st quarter hurt. If he'd had the prior experience, he might have made that first OT kick, or better yet, if he makes that first quarter attempt, we never go to overtime).
The kick, it's good! He played the wind perfectly. After some jubiliant high-fives and victory hugs, I just kind of drop into my seat with a goofy, relieved grin on my face.
* I get to the top of the steps, start heading towards the ramp, and I can't help it. Todd Reesing fist pump. After fist pumping some more as the steel is getting pounded in celebration by thousands of Chiefs fans (not one of whom left early yesterday -- great job guys!), I look over at Katie and she goes "oh just do it!"
You're damned right I ran over and started pounding the columns in celebration. It's every bit as cool as I thought it would be. (And yes, it frightens me too that smacking a steel column can get me that excited. It's easily as comparible an excitement as laying on a stage with a dollar bill in your mouth inside a run-down shack on the gravelly road portion of East 15th Street in unincorporated Douglas County while a "waitress" collects her "tip". Uum, not that I've ever done that. Let's just move on).
* Ran into Bill outside the gate. Both of us just had the same look of relief and joy at the same time. Vessie joked "if we play any more games like this, I'm killing Bill's surgeon and the guy who saved his life last year. I can't take this stress anymore!"
Which is exactly what I felt like too. Completely stressed out. I even texted "first time i've had to puke from stress out here since 2006. it feels great!"
* Got back to the buses, and pushed everyone out of the way, repeatedly saying "I need my vodka. I need my vodka". Best tasting screwdriver of the day. I'd earned it.
* Did the whipped cream shot first.
(i'd like to think this had a huge part to do with the victory. photo: somebody using my camera to record yet another humiliating moment in my life).
* Castro arrived with his tequila bottles, and since I had to do a shot, I start asking around for one of the little solo shot cups we use. Castro had other ideas -- he pulled out a huge shot glass, poured it to the top, and said "enjoy it man!" Unreal. The dude walks around with 8oz shooter glasses in his pocket.
(Also unreal? When he first got there for post-game celebrating, our Cuervo bottle was pretty much completely full. Not even 15 minutes later, it was half empty. There were only two people drinking out of it, and the second person only did two shots out of his shooter glass. He drank nearly half a handle of tequila in 15 minutes, and not only was not lying on the ground unconscious, he wasn't even showing any visible outward signs of intoxication! I didn't know whether to be impressed or scared. I went with impressed).
I somehow managed to get the whole shot down without any of it coming back up. Although the tequila certainly was trying to escape my stomach. (Apparently tequila and vodka do not mix at all. My stomach was rumbling the rest of the afternoon).
* Pretty uneventful drive home, other than Joe and his date engaging in some very public displays of affection. After watching the late games and having a couple more screwdrivers, it was off for home.
* Now ... the season gets interesting.
Sunday, come 3pm, the Chiefs visit the second place oakland raiders. The surging oakland raiders, who absolutely boatraced the donkeys in denver, and demolished the first place Seahawks yesterday. Yes, the Chiefs have won seven straight in the Black Hole ... but 6 of those were by a touchdown or less. (Only the 2006 game was a double digit final).
History indicates this will be a tight, low-scoring defensive battle won by the team that makes the fewest mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, yesterday was a godsend. The raiders have improved, but they're not as good as the Chiefs. Yesterday, the Chiefs showed they can win ugly. Which is good, because I think we're going to have to do that again on Sunday.
Enjoy Victory Monday. God knows I am, albeit with shakes, a still rumbling stomach, and bloodshot eyes. And then be ready for the most stressful game of the season so far come Sunday afternoon. They only get more stressful from here folks. Every week gets more nerve-wracking than the previous one. And I can hardly wait!
Monday, December 14, 2009
chiefs! bills! just me and (maybe) 20k of the kingdom ...
(tailgating, about 10am)
(cd) (plays "real men of genius" parody)
(cd) here's to you, Mr. Thinks He Knows More Than the Head Coach! You sit 30 rows up, shirtless, and spout off such winning strategies as "throw the ball" ...
(everyone) (looking at me)
(steve) what! I sit 26 rows up, not 30!
---------------------------
If there are any Chiefs fans left after yesterday, who still believe that Todd Haley deserves a second season as head coach of this team, then all I can say is that you are dumber than the Spanish announcing guys at a WWE pay-per-view, who feign surprise when their announcing booth gets destroyed in the main event.
That entire coaching performance yesterday by Coach Asshat was a fireable offense. Every bit of it. Coach refused to coach against Buffalo's weaknesses, and instead kept playing into their strengths (and our biggest weaknesses). The Bills had the 31st worst rush defense in the league; we threw the ball at a 2-1 ratio in a game in which we never trailed by more than 10, and immediately scored after the margin hit 10 to drop it back to 3.
The clock management was atrocious. Haley whizzed away three timeouts and a challenge yesterday for no obvious reason. Infuriating. And the fourth down decision making, I swear. I literally am getting sick to my stomach watching this man "coach" this team. I literally want to puke. In fact, it got so bad yesterday ...that for the first time since preseason, I drank during the game. Haley's coaching "efforts" were so atrocious yesterday that I paid $10 for a vodka and sprite, and another $10 for a hurricane, I physically could not watch that game without the aid of alcohol.
Let's recap this, from the good (tailgating) to the bad (the National Anthem) to the ugly (the game itself) ...
* Arrived at about 7am, a solid half hour later than usual. And we were still second in line.
* I'd call it a late-arriving crowd yesterday, but if they never arrive, are they technically late? The line to get in the gates at 8:15am when we headed down to save spots was about half the size you're used to seeing. A sign of things to come.
* the walk to save spots brought on a wonderful three point discussion about how (1) summer tailgating is better because its hot, (2) how sweet our tailgating spot we started using last summer was, and (3) we need more hot chicks in our tailgating group. Number (3) came up because of these two really good looking blonde chicks who we thought were going to try to steal our spot.
* Everyone was having issues parking yesterday if you were on the grass. The grounds crew did a fine job of clearing the parking lots ... only they piled up the snow right next to the curb, making it nearly impossible to turn around and get back on the grass.
* One thing the grounds crew did a horrendous job of -- nobody cleaned out the port-a-potties after last game. I can do without the stench of week old human waste at 8:30 in the morning.
* The menu yesterday was buffalo burgers, boneless spicy garlic wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, some chili, some potato soup thingy with hashbrowns, and of course, booze. Good stuff.
* You know its an eventful tailgate when only two people are drinking the handle of vodka ... and its gone in under three hours. Granted, I was one of the ones consuming said vodka, so you can attribute a chunk of it to me ... but I was getting matched screwdriver for screwdriver by some worthy competition.
* Thankfully, the weather wasn't bad yesterday. It got colder as the game went along, but it was never unbearable. Unlike right now here in KC, for example, when the windchill is in the single digits, and I'm making my lunch decision based on "its too cold to walk out to the car and go somewhere".
* We nearly got the HyVee Tailgaters of the Game. Sadly, they went with our neighbors across the parking lot because they decorated their Christmas tree better than we did ours. (The little miniature trees in the grass at the back of G and H, turned into a decorating war. Our neighbors fired the first shot at the Steelers game. We fired back at denver. This week, they hung up Christmas lights and had a tree skirt. I thought it was neat). Still, this was the first time all season the HyVee folks made it to the west side of the stadium.
* Sign that this season has been awful: I could not give away two extra tickets. Literally could not give them away. All you had to do was respond to my text offer from Saturday night to watch the game for the low, low price of "please don't cheer haley that's all i ask". And nobody wanted them. The sad thing is, I can't say I blame people one bit for staying away from this abortion of a season. And from avoiding watching our mentally challenged head coach prove on a weekly basis just how horribly Scott Pioli botched the coaching hire last February.
And other than the core group of bus riders, nobody showed up early. Even our new tailgating neighbors, we had no problems saving a spot for their bus, and they didn't get there until almost 9:30. Gregg and Brent showed up after 10. Dusty and Kellie were after 10:30. If I wasn't too cheap to pay for parking, I'd have shown up even later than that.
* Headed in around 11:30. The only 132 regulars there yesterday were me, Russ and Mona, Chris and Greg, and Curly Haired Guy. Everyone else either sold off their tickets or decided "screw it, I'm sleeping in". Again, can't fault anyone who made that decision. This team doesn't deserve the level of support it still generates from some of us.
* This is normally where I'd note how awful KC Wolf's sketch was (and it was pretty bad), but that wasn't even close to the worst part of the pregame ceremonies. The chick who did the National Anthem ... I'm pretty sure that was the worst rendition of the Anthem ever at Arrowhead. It was atrocious. It was off key, the words were slurred, the pace was rushed, it was in a word, TURRIBLE. Just TURRIBLE. Let's never invite this chick back to sing ever again, ok Chiefs organization?
I mean, I went with the Blue Ridge Lutheran Church group on Saturday in going around to various care facilities and houses where some of their parishioners were now residing. Good way to spread some holiday cheer to folks who need it. Fun times had by all, believe it or not. (Plus the post-caroling dinner, holy cow, that might be the best four bowls of chili I've ever eaten. When I go back for fourths, you know you've got a winner on your hands).
Anyways, I guarantee you, that group of 25 of us from Saturday, we were more on-key and composed than this chick yesterday was. (Also as a side note, I had my doubts about how much fun this thing could be. After all, I love music, but I can't sing. That, and its a church group, you have to figure there wouldn't be much drinkin' going on. Thankfully, I was wrong. Well, I was right, in that I can't sing. But I knew it would be fun when the first guy introduces himself to us and goes "now, it won't be a problem if I bring a flask? My wife's making me do this ...")
* And now for the weekly exercise where I begin to analyze the game, and instead wind up spending three hours typing up everything that Todd Haley did wrong, get really frustrated, and screw up my point (that Todd Haley is a TURRIBLE head coach) by ranting and raving and generally making no sense. Hooray.
Let's open things up by quoting Bob Gretz' recap of the decision to go for it in the first quarter:
"It (the opportunity to win) disappeared when head coach Todd Haley made another one of those decisions that will be second guessed for many, many days, weeks, even months. Fourth and goal at the Bills one yard line, there's no score and there are four minutes to play in the quarter."
In section 132, this hot as hell blogger was screaming "Kick! Take the points! Kick the f*cking football!" 99 coaches out of 100 in that spot take the gimme three, get on the board, and move forward. But there's always one guy willing to avoid doing the obvious and instead f*ck his team over. We all know who those "one in a hundred" coaches are. Prior to last February, we didn't employ one. We do now.
It wasn't just the decision to go for it there that was infuriating. Again, using the "99 out of 100" approach, you kick the field goal. These are two atrocious offenses going at it, both led by bad quarterbacks protected by leaky offensive lines. Take the damned points! That was bad enough (and would bite us in the ass in the fourth quarter, when instead of kicking to tie, we had to go for the win). Dammit I hate Todd Haley. I hate him so much that there's like smoke coming out of my ears and this bright burning fire in front of me signifying the rage I feel towards this scumbag.
(And I mean "scumbag" in its original definition. Todd Haley = used condom. Damned right he does. Wait, though, that's an insult to the condom, because a used condom indicates its owner "did the right thing" and used protection. Or at least had some fun. That's not something you say about going to watch the Todd Haley-led Chiefs, that it was "fun". That, and Todd Haley wouldn't do the right thing if Spike Lee himself coreographed his coaching decisions).
No, the decision to go was bad enough. The play call was ... really, it was Todd Haley at his scumbag finest. You've just gained 8 yards running it straight ahead with Charles to get you to the goalline. And now, what does Coach Haley call? A designed QB rollout with one of the least mobile QBs in the league. To the surprise of noone, the play was a disaster. Bills DE Aaron Schobel (from? You guessed it, TCU!) wasn't fooled for even 1/1000th of a second, and sacked Cassel for a 7 yard loss.
Gretz put it best (again), noting that "in a season where the head coach is trying to convince his team to play the Haley Way, taking the easy points just isn't going to happen. (...) That was a ten point swing, and that was the ballgame. Oh, there was plenty that happened afterwards, with Cassel throwing four interceptions, Buffalo running for 200 yards as a team ... however, it was Haley's decision to go for the end zone instead of taking the three points that set the tone for the afternoon".
I love that insight. First, for the backhanded putdown of the "Haley Way". And secondly, because Gretz is right -- that decision did set the tone for the afternoon. For the second straight week, our head coach took a stupid risk way too soon in the game, and when said risk blew up in his face, we lost the game because of it. I, for one, am damned sick and tired of seeing this occur. Every damned week. To the team that I love.
* At this point, the boos were reigning down. It was a horrible decision, compounded by an even stupider playcall. (A QB rollout there I could have lived with ... if you gave him a passing option as well! Because there were no receivers on the play, once Schobel guessed right on the playcall, you were drawing dead. At least send a TE across the end zone to give Cassel a target! Wait, that's just too damned sensible and grounded in common sense for this coaching staff to ever consider it. Again, I effing hate Todd Haley).
* The Bills take over after Cassel's sack, and promptly score a touchdown to take the lead 7-0. It was a lead they would never relinquish. In section 132, more boos reigning down. (I'm going somewhere with this, just bear with me ...)
* Chiefs take over after the kickoff, and have a nice drive going, and face 4th and 1 at the Bills 3. (steve sighing in disgust) Look it, I know every week I throw out the "if this is possible" comment in relation to a Todd Haley decision ... but "if this is possible", Todd Haley actually tops himself on the Mental Retardation-o-Meter he pretty much broke fifteen minutes earlier.
First, he challenges the spot, costing us not just a timeout ... but a challenge. This was amongst the dumbest challenges I have ever seen. There was zero chance this was getting overturned. Zero. If you want to take the timeout there to decide what to do, fine. (Actually, its not fine -- there was no decision to make. Kick the f*cking football and get on the scoreboard, like you should have done 15 minutes earlier). But why challenge? Why whiz away a challenge that you might need later on? Especially when you have ZERO chance of winning said challenge! Why! Why, why, why, why, why! (steve bashing head on desk in utter frustration).
Anyways ...
After losing the challenge and burning the timeout, Haley then opts to try the field goal, which is good. 7-3 Bills. But that just begs the question, "what changed from the previous drive to this one?" If you're willing to go for it 15 minutes ago when you need a yard at the goalline, why aren't you willing to do it now in basically the same spot? Yet another thing that drives me insane about this coach: there's no rhyme or reason to his decision making. If you're going to gamble and go for it on 4th down, fine. But be consistent about it.
(I know, the Devil's Advocate would point out "well Haley learned from his mistake 15 minutes ago and decided to take the points". No way. I refuse to even consider the notion that Todd Haley is smart enough to figure this out during a game. Because he's not. That, and Haley went for it again on 4th and 1 on our next drive. No consistency. No discernable pattern of common sense. Your 2009 Chiefs coaching staff everyone!)
* After a Bills field goal makes it 10-3, Chiefs take over at their own 20 with 1:03 to go. This is where the two pointlessly burned timeouts from the 4th and 1 decisions bite you in the ass. And not one of those semi-sexy bites designed to be a turn-on, but a full on "take a chunk out of you" bite. With only one timeout, the Chiefs have to aim for the sidelines. They manage to get a couple completions for once, and are at the Bills 48 with about 30 seconds left in the half, with the clock ticking. Cassel drops back to pass, and is sacked. Chiefs call timeout, and for all intents and purposes, we're at halftime.
If you don't whiz away the timeout on the challenge, you can still try to get into field goal range. If you don't whiz away the timeout deciding fourth and one at the goalline in the first quarter, you can still throw anywhere on the field. Because Todd Haley effed up in both cases, the Chiefs lost the ability to possibly put points on the board. We only needed 10 yards to try a field goal with Succup prior to that sack. Even after the sack, if you have one or both of the whizzed timeouts available, you only need 15 yards to try a field goal, 20 to be reasonably certain its going in.
I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but dammit, I can't take much more of this. The ineptness of this coaching staff needs to be hammered home on a continuous basis. Todd Haley deserves to be mercilessly ripped and constantly questioned for his decision making. He needs to be. The sooner the fans of this team wake up and realize just how screwed we are with him on the sideline, the faster a course correction can occur.
And spare me the "he's learning on the job" crap. No. When you're in a specialized field with only 31 other job occupants in the nation, earning millions of dollars a year, you don't get the luxury of "learning on the job". Either you get it, or you don't. Bad coaches don't grow into good ones. The good ones pretty much establish themselves right away, and stay good. While the bad ones suck ass from day one, have lackeys and brain dead fans make excuses for them, and set their team back 3-5 years due to incompetence, poor execution, and p*ssing off the fanbase with the constant incompetence, poor execution, and losing.
* As the Chiefs leave the field at the half, you guessed it. More boos reigning down from section 132. I'm anything but a happy camper at this point. (This is also when I sent Katie to get me some watered down vodka at $10 a pop). And the guy behind me, a drunk "Chiefs fan", apparently has had enough.
With me.
(drunk guy) (grabs me) why are you booing?
(steve) (incredulous) are you watching this game? They deserve to be booed!
(drunk guy) (getting angry) real fans don't boo.
(steve) the hell we don't.
(drunk guy) real fans always cheer for their team.
(steve) (annoyed) no, real fans call bullsh*t when they see it.
(drunk guy) (now really angry) who do you think you are?
(steve) (rapidly becoming angry) what?
(drunk guy) you're not a real fan! You're just some bandwagon p*ssy who got a free ticket today!
(steve) (absolutely speechless)
(drunk guy) I've been sitting here for every game for 20 years --
(steve) (really p*ssed off) the hell you have!
(drunk guy) you challenging me? how would you know, you bandwagon --
(steve) because I've been sitting in this very f*cking seat every game for a decade! And I'm damned sure I have never seen you before!
(drunk guy) (realizes he's been caught) well ... uuh ... maybe not in this seat, but --
(steve) dumb f*ck. and another thing pal. (leans in) if you ever call me a bandwagon fan again, I will beat the sh*t out of you.
(drunk guy) (in shock)
Its at this point, that the two girls with this guy, plus his buddy, step in and "escort" him up the aisle to cool off. The two chicks came back and start apologizing for him, noting that "he's been drinking" and "he really doesn't like the Chiefs losing". To which I reply, OK? And I do like the Chiefs losing? And I haven't been drinking vodka since 6am? I am p*ssed, to put it mildly. I should probably note, the guy I was getting into it with was over 6 feet tall, about 270 pounds, and it wasn't a fat 270, it was a well built 270. I'm 5'10", 165, and will never be accused of having an "athletic build". Its probably good this situation got diffused ...
And I should also probably note, after he came back, all was good. He kept repeatedly apologizing for his outburst. I kept accepting his apology. But here's to hoping this "die hard Chiefs fan" restarts his 20 year streak of no-showhood next week and beyond.
* Cassel's first pass of the second half? Intercepted. Thankfully, the Bills QB was every bit as awful as Cassel yesterday, and Brandon Flowers picked him off in the end zone to save more points and keep the Chiefs within a score.
* Seriously, Matt Cassel is Shining Example Numero Uno of why you don't tear up an existing "contract" with a player, and sign him to a long term deal, until you're damned sure what you have in him. Had Pioli simply had Cassel play under the terms of his Franchise Tag, we could cut the cord after this season and pursue other alternatives. You know, alternatives that actually perform at an acceptable level. Or, if you still believed in Cassel, you could resign him, but at a much lower price tag. Instead? Our brain trust gives Cassel a 6 year, $63 million contract before he's even played a preseason down as a Chief. Let's just say, on the long list of things that didn't go right in 2009, Cassel's long term deal is going to be near the top.
* After the Bills tack on a field goal to make it 13-3, Todd Haley finally realizes "hey! My QB can't throw worth a damn, we're facing the 31st ranked run defense ... I know! Let's run the ball!" 75 untouched yards later, Jamaal Charles gave the Chiefs faithful their only highlight of the game. For the first time in section 132, this hot as hell recapper began to believe we could steal this game.
* After exchanging a pair of three and outs ... Cassel drops back to pass. You guessed it. Interception, this one by Paul Posluszny. Yeah, Cassel's now getting picked off by guys who've missed 70% of their career by being on IR. Good God. The Bills quickly tack on a field goal, to make it 16-10.
* The Chiefs actually challenged whether Posluszny was actually down by contact, or if he fumbled the interception at the end of his return. I will not rip that challenge. I personally thought he was down, but it was close. One of those plays where whatever the original ruling was, was probably going to stand. At that point, down three, and committing a potentially game-cripping turnover midway through the fourth quarter, I'm fine with that challenge. I'm just grateful nothing shady happened the next six minutes though -- because of the retarded challenge in the first half, we didn't have any left to use.
* Chiefs take over after the Bills field goal, and slowly begin to drive the field. And here's where not taking the points in the first quarter bites you in the ass. (Note: why is it that every Todd Haley decision winds up coming back to bite us in the ass? Just once, can this guy do something right? Just once? Please? As much as this might shock you, I really don't want to hate our head coach. Anyways, where was I. Oh yeah, retarded decision to not kick the field goal).
If you'd taken the gimme field goal, its 16-13 Buffalo at this point, and you're driving to tie. The Chiefs actually got to the Bills 20 with about 2:30 to go. Instead of the fourth down pass that got picked off, you'd have Succup coming on to tie the game. (Of course, had Chambers held onto the 3rd down pass, you'd be going for the lead. But with that first quarter field goal, you'd be playing to get up 4 and force the Bills to score a touchdown to beat you, instead of getting up 1 and the Bills only needing a field goal).
The way both defenses were playing (and more specifically, the way both offenses were playing), at that point, you're all but guaranteed overtime. Instead, the Bills get the pick, force the Chiefs to burn through their timeouts, and all but end the game. The Chiefs did get the ball back one last time, still down 16-10, at their own 20 with a minute to go. But too much yardage to cover, not enough time to get there, and Cassel's desperation final toss was picked in the end zone. Bills 16, Chiefs 10. (Amazingly enough, my exact predicted final score on Friday. Wow).
* Postgame, its off to the bus. We didn't stick around for long. After the new tailgating neighbors ducked out with their bus after about half an hour, it was off for home, to cope with the fact that once again, incompetent coaching has cost the Chiefs a victory.
* I can't stress this enough. There is zero reason why the Chiefs should not be 6-7 and a game out of the playoffs right now. None. Now, I'm willing to be realistic here. Even if we were 6-7 and on the fringes of wildcard contention, the odds of the Chiefs winning out to get in at 9-7 would be slim and none, and none would open as a 15 point favorite.
But at least we'd be in the discussion. At least we'd be playing meaningful football in December for the first time since 2006. And as 2006 showed us, anything can happen if you take advantage of the opportunities in front of you.
Todd Haley's Chiefs have been in positions to win. Unfortunately, he always seems to do the exact opposite of what would have meant success when those positions presented themselves to him --
* The idiocy of calling the screen pass just before the half against oakland that cost us three points (the eventual margin of victory for the raiders) when the receiver was tackled in bounds (and the Chiefs had no timeouts to stop the clock with, because -- and I know you're not going to believe this -- Haley burned a timeout when facing a 4th and 2 decision midway through the first quarter).
* The failure to move a safety over for support for Leggett, either in the fourth quarter or overtime, of the loss to Dallas. (Or better yet, given our injury situation that day, scrap the corner man coverage altogether in that spot, play cover three, and at least prevent the only thing Dallas did all day that worked, the 60 yard bombs to Miles Austin).
* The idiocy of going for it on 4th and 1 at your own 35 on the opening drive of the game against San Diego that opened the floodgates to a rout.
* The stupidity of faking a punt at your own 25 when you're only down a score with 28 minutes to go, that led to a 20 unanswered donkeys points that turned a tight competitive game into an ass kicking.
* And now yesterday, not taking the gimme points in the first quarter, instead opting to call a ridiculous quarterback bootleg with no pass outlet if things break down. Instead of having a shot to win in overtime, the Chiefs lost for the 17th time in the last 19 games that count at Arrowhead because of more bone-headed decision making from both the head coach and his general on the field. (I do not think that it's a coincidence, that the two most brain challenged members on this squad are the head coach and the QB, and we've lost 10 of 13 games. Not a coincidence at all).
Bad teams tend to be bad because ... well, because the talent base just isn't there. Either the team has embraced a rebuild, or they're in denial about the need for a rebuild, but either way, the talent isn't there.
(Or they completely screw up the rebuild through year after year of incompetent drafting decisions, bad free agent signings, and horrible coaching hires. Like the 2009 Chiefs).
Nobody is suggesting the 2009 Chiefs should be challenging for the Lombardi Trophy. The talent level simply isn't there to contend week in, week out with the best of the best.
But I am saying that they should be at least three games better in the standings than they are. The reason why we are an also-ran yet again, as opposed to being in the mix of 7 teams within a game of the final wildcard spot, is because the Chiefs screw up the routine more than any other team I've ever seen.
99 coaches out of 100 instinctively know the right thing to do in a situation. So long as you've got one of those 99 calling the shots for you, you've got a chance. Even the worst of the 99 at least handles the routine correctly. Its when you get the 1 out of 100 that you're FUBAR'd.
Todd Haley is definitely in the category of 1. Until and unless Chiefs management recognizes this and pulls the plug, there's no reason for hope or optimism about this team. They will continue to lose in jaw-dropping fashion. They will continue to find ways to get embarrassed by the contenders, and humiliate themselves against the pretenders. They will continue to praise their practices, and continue to embarrass themselves on the turf on gameday. "You are what you are". The 2009 Chiefs are the worst coached team Chiefs team in at least 21 years. They are a freaking embarrassment to themselves, to the city, to the history of this franchise.
Worst of all, they're the single worst thing a professional team can be -- absolutely unbearable to watch.
(Bring on the Browns in a matchup of the two worst head coaches in the league! Holy crap, common sense might be set back 55 years on Sunday when these two intellectual "giants" lock wits on the field ...)
(cd) (plays "real men of genius" parody)
(cd) here's to you, Mr. Thinks He Knows More Than the Head Coach! You sit 30 rows up, shirtless, and spout off such winning strategies as "throw the ball" ...
(everyone) (looking at me)
(steve) what! I sit 26 rows up, not 30!
---------------------------
If there are any Chiefs fans left after yesterday, who still believe that Todd Haley deserves a second season as head coach of this team, then all I can say is that you are dumber than the Spanish announcing guys at a WWE pay-per-view, who feign surprise when their announcing booth gets destroyed in the main event.
That entire coaching performance yesterday by Coach Asshat was a fireable offense. Every bit of it. Coach refused to coach against Buffalo's weaknesses, and instead kept playing into their strengths (and our biggest weaknesses). The Bills had the 31st worst rush defense in the league; we threw the ball at a 2-1 ratio in a game in which we never trailed by more than 10, and immediately scored after the margin hit 10 to drop it back to 3.
The clock management was atrocious. Haley whizzed away three timeouts and a challenge yesterday for no obvious reason. Infuriating. And the fourth down decision making, I swear. I literally am getting sick to my stomach watching this man "coach" this team. I literally want to puke. In fact, it got so bad yesterday ...that for the first time since preseason, I drank during the game. Haley's coaching "efforts" were so atrocious yesterday that I paid $10 for a vodka and sprite, and another $10 for a hurricane, I physically could not watch that game without the aid of alcohol.
Let's recap this, from the good (tailgating) to the bad (the National Anthem) to the ugly (the game itself) ...
* Arrived at about 7am, a solid half hour later than usual. And we were still second in line.
* I'd call it a late-arriving crowd yesterday, but if they never arrive, are they technically late? The line to get in the gates at 8:15am when we headed down to save spots was about half the size you're used to seeing. A sign of things to come.
* the walk to save spots brought on a wonderful three point discussion about how (1) summer tailgating is better because its hot, (2) how sweet our tailgating spot we started using last summer was, and (3) we need more hot chicks in our tailgating group. Number (3) came up because of these two really good looking blonde chicks who we thought were going to try to steal our spot.
* Everyone was having issues parking yesterday if you were on the grass. The grounds crew did a fine job of clearing the parking lots ... only they piled up the snow right next to the curb, making it nearly impossible to turn around and get back on the grass.
* One thing the grounds crew did a horrendous job of -- nobody cleaned out the port-a-potties after last game. I can do without the stench of week old human waste at 8:30 in the morning.
* The menu yesterday was buffalo burgers, boneless spicy garlic wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, some chili, some potato soup thingy with hashbrowns, and of course, booze. Good stuff.
* You know its an eventful tailgate when only two people are drinking the handle of vodka ... and its gone in under three hours. Granted, I was one of the ones consuming said vodka, so you can attribute a chunk of it to me ... but I was getting matched screwdriver for screwdriver by some worthy competition.
* Thankfully, the weather wasn't bad yesterday. It got colder as the game went along, but it was never unbearable. Unlike right now here in KC, for example, when the windchill is in the single digits, and I'm making my lunch decision based on "its too cold to walk out to the car and go somewhere".
* We nearly got the HyVee Tailgaters of the Game. Sadly, they went with our neighbors across the parking lot because they decorated their Christmas tree better than we did ours. (The little miniature trees in the grass at the back of G and H, turned into a decorating war. Our neighbors fired the first shot at the Steelers game. We fired back at denver. This week, they hung up Christmas lights and had a tree skirt. I thought it was neat). Still, this was the first time all season the HyVee folks made it to the west side of the stadium.
* Sign that this season has been awful: I could not give away two extra tickets. Literally could not give them away. All you had to do was respond to my text offer from Saturday night to watch the game for the low, low price of "please don't cheer haley that's all i ask". And nobody wanted them. The sad thing is, I can't say I blame people one bit for staying away from this abortion of a season. And from avoiding watching our mentally challenged head coach prove on a weekly basis just how horribly Scott Pioli botched the coaching hire last February.
And other than the core group of bus riders, nobody showed up early. Even our new tailgating neighbors, we had no problems saving a spot for their bus, and they didn't get there until almost 9:30. Gregg and Brent showed up after 10. Dusty and Kellie were after 10:30. If I wasn't too cheap to pay for parking, I'd have shown up even later than that.
* Headed in around 11:30. The only 132 regulars there yesterday were me, Russ and Mona, Chris and Greg, and Curly Haired Guy. Everyone else either sold off their tickets or decided "screw it, I'm sleeping in". Again, can't fault anyone who made that decision. This team doesn't deserve the level of support it still generates from some of us.
* This is normally where I'd note how awful KC Wolf's sketch was (and it was pretty bad), but that wasn't even close to the worst part of the pregame ceremonies. The chick who did the National Anthem ... I'm pretty sure that was the worst rendition of the Anthem ever at Arrowhead. It was atrocious. It was off key, the words were slurred, the pace was rushed, it was in a word, TURRIBLE. Just TURRIBLE. Let's never invite this chick back to sing ever again, ok Chiefs organization?
I mean, I went with the Blue Ridge Lutheran Church group on Saturday in going around to various care facilities and houses where some of their parishioners were now residing. Good way to spread some holiday cheer to folks who need it. Fun times had by all, believe it or not. (Plus the post-caroling dinner, holy cow, that might be the best four bowls of chili I've ever eaten. When I go back for fourths, you know you've got a winner on your hands).
Anyways, I guarantee you, that group of 25 of us from Saturday, we were more on-key and composed than this chick yesterday was. (Also as a side note, I had my doubts about how much fun this thing could be. After all, I love music, but I can't sing. That, and its a church group, you have to figure there wouldn't be much drinkin' going on. Thankfully, I was wrong. Well, I was right, in that I can't sing. But I knew it would be fun when the first guy introduces himself to us and goes "now, it won't be a problem if I bring a flask? My wife's making me do this ...")
* And now for the weekly exercise where I begin to analyze the game, and instead wind up spending three hours typing up everything that Todd Haley did wrong, get really frustrated, and screw up my point (that Todd Haley is a TURRIBLE head coach) by ranting and raving and generally making no sense. Hooray.
Let's open things up by quoting Bob Gretz' recap of the decision to go for it in the first quarter:
"It (the opportunity to win) disappeared when head coach Todd Haley made another one of those decisions that will be second guessed for many, many days, weeks, even months. Fourth and goal at the Bills one yard line, there's no score and there are four minutes to play in the quarter."
In section 132, this hot as hell blogger was screaming "Kick! Take the points! Kick the f*cking football!" 99 coaches out of 100 in that spot take the gimme three, get on the board, and move forward. But there's always one guy willing to avoid doing the obvious and instead f*ck his team over. We all know who those "one in a hundred" coaches are. Prior to last February, we didn't employ one. We do now.
It wasn't just the decision to go for it there that was infuriating. Again, using the "99 out of 100" approach, you kick the field goal. These are two atrocious offenses going at it, both led by bad quarterbacks protected by leaky offensive lines. Take the damned points! That was bad enough (and would bite us in the ass in the fourth quarter, when instead of kicking to tie, we had to go for the win). Dammit I hate Todd Haley. I hate him so much that there's like smoke coming out of my ears and this bright burning fire in front of me signifying the rage I feel towards this scumbag.
(And I mean "scumbag" in its original definition. Todd Haley = used condom. Damned right he does. Wait, though, that's an insult to the condom, because a used condom indicates its owner "did the right thing" and used protection. Or at least had some fun. That's not something you say about going to watch the Todd Haley-led Chiefs, that it was "fun". That, and Todd Haley wouldn't do the right thing if Spike Lee himself coreographed his coaching decisions).
No, the decision to go was bad enough. The play call was ... really, it was Todd Haley at his scumbag finest. You've just gained 8 yards running it straight ahead with Charles to get you to the goalline. And now, what does Coach Haley call? A designed QB rollout with one of the least mobile QBs in the league. To the surprise of noone, the play was a disaster. Bills DE Aaron Schobel (from? You guessed it, TCU!) wasn't fooled for even 1/1000th of a second, and sacked Cassel for a 7 yard loss.
Gretz put it best (again), noting that "in a season where the head coach is trying to convince his team to play the Haley Way, taking the easy points just isn't going to happen. (...) That was a ten point swing, and that was the ballgame. Oh, there was plenty that happened afterwards, with Cassel throwing four interceptions, Buffalo running for 200 yards as a team ... however, it was Haley's decision to go for the end zone instead of taking the three points that set the tone for the afternoon".
I love that insight. First, for the backhanded putdown of the "Haley Way". And secondly, because Gretz is right -- that decision did set the tone for the afternoon. For the second straight week, our head coach took a stupid risk way too soon in the game, and when said risk blew up in his face, we lost the game because of it. I, for one, am damned sick and tired of seeing this occur. Every damned week. To the team that I love.
* At this point, the boos were reigning down. It was a horrible decision, compounded by an even stupider playcall. (A QB rollout there I could have lived with ... if you gave him a passing option as well! Because there were no receivers on the play, once Schobel guessed right on the playcall, you were drawing dead. At least send a TE across the end zone to give Cassel a target! Wait, that's just too damned sensible and grounded in common sense for this coaching staff to ever consider it. Again, I effing hate Todd Haley).
* The Bills take over after Cassel's sack, and promptly score a touchdown to take the lead 7-0. It was a lead they would never relinquish. In section 132, more boos reigning down. (I'm going somewhere with this, just bear with me ...)
* Chiefs take over after the kickoff, and have a nice drive going, and face 4th and 1 at the Bills 3. (steve sighing in disgust) Look it, I know every week I throw out the "if this is possible" comment in relation to a Todd Haley decision ... but "if this is possible", Todd Haley actually tops himself on the Mental Retardation-o-Meter he pretty much broke fifteen minutes earlier.
First, he challenges the spot, costing us not just a timeout ... but a challenge. This was amongst the dumbest challenges I have ever seen. There was zero chance this was getting overturned. Zero. If you want to take the timeout there to decide what to do, fine. (Actually, its not fine -- there was no decision to make. Kick the f*cking football and get on the scoreboard, like you should have done 15 minutes earlier). But why challenge? Why whiz away a challenge that you might need later on? Especially when you have ZERO chance of winning said challenge! Why! Why, why, why, why, why! (steve bashing head on desk in utter frustration).
Anyways ...
After losing the challenge and burning the timeout, Haley then opts to try the field goal, which is good. 7-3 Bills. But that just begs the question, "what changed from the previous drive to this one?" If you're willing to go for it 15 minutes ago when you need a yard at the goalline, why aren't you willing to do it now in basically the same spot? Yet another thing that drives me insane about this coach: there's no rhyme or reason to his decision making. If you're going to gamble and go for it on 4th down, fine. But be consistent about it.
(I know, the Devil's Advocate would point out "well Haley learned from his mistake 15 minutes ago and decided to take the points". No way. I refuse to even consider the notion that Todd Haley is smart enough to figure this out during a game. Because he's not. That, and Haley went for it again on 4th and 1 on our next drive. No consistency. No discernable pattern of common sense. Your 2009 Chiefs coaching staff everyone!)
* After a Bills field goal makes it 10-3, Chiefs take over at their own 20 with 1:03 to go. This is where the two pointlessly burned timeouts from the 4th and 1 decisions bite you in the ass. And not one of those semi-sexy bites designed to be a turn-on, but a full on "take a chunk out of you" bite. With only one timeout, the Chiefs have to aim for the sidelines. They manage to get a couple completions for once, and are at the Bills 48 with about 30 seconds left in the half, with the clock ticking. Cassel drops back to pass, and is sacked. Chiefs call timeout, and for all intents and purposes, we're at halftime.
If you don't whiz away the timeout on the challenge, you can still try to get into field goal range. If you don't whiz away the timeout deciding fourth and one at the goalline in the first quarter, you can still throw anywhere on the field. Because Todd Haley effed up in both cases, the Chiefs lost the ability to possibly put points on the board. We only needed 10 yards to try a field goal with Succup prior to that sack. Even after the sack, if you have one or both of the whizzed timeouts available, you only need 15 yards to try a field goal, 20 to be reasonably certain its going in.
I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but dammit, I can't take much more of this. The ineptness of this coaching staff needs to be hammered home on a continuous basis. Todd Haley deserves to be mercilessly ripped and constantly questioned for his decision making. He needs to be. The sooner the fans of this team wake up and realize just how screwed we are with him on the sideline, the faster a course correction can occur.
And spare me the "he's learning on the job" crap. No. When you're in a specialized field with only 31 other job occupants in the nation, earning millions of dollars a year, you don't get the luxury of "learning on the job". Either you get it, or you don't. Bad coaches don't grow into good ones. The good ones pretty much establish themselves right away, and stay good. While the bad ones suck ass from day one, have lackeys and brain dead fans make excuses for them, and set their team back 3-5 years due to incompetence, poor execution, and p*ssing off the fanbase with the constant incompetence, poor execution, and losing.
* As the Chiefs leave the field at the half, you guessed it. More boos reigning down from section 132. I'm anything but a happy camper at this point. (This is also when I sent Katie to get me some watered down vodka at $10 a pop). And the guy behind me, a drunk "Chiefs fan", apparently has had enough.
With me.
(drunk guy) (grabs me) why are you booing?
(steve) (incredulous) are you watching this game? They deserve to be booed!
(drunk guy) (getting angry) real fans don't boo.
(steve) the hell we don't.
(drunk guy) real fans always cheer for their team.
(steve) (annoyed) no, real fans call bullsh*t when they see it.
(drunk guy) (now really angry) who do you think you are?
(steve) (rapidly becoming angry) what?
(drunk guy) you're not a real fan! You're just some bandwagon p*ssy who got a free ticket today!
(steve) (absolutely speechless)
(drunk guy) I've been sitting here for every game for 20 years --
(steve) (really p*ssed off) the hell you have!
(drunk guy) you challenging me? how would you know, you bandwagon --
(steve) because I've been sitting in this very f*cking seat every game for a decade! And I'm damned sure I have never seen you before!
(drunk guy) (realizes he's been caught) well ... uuh ... maybe not in this seat, but --
(steve) dumb f*ck. and another thing pal. (leans in) if you ever call me a bandwagon fan again, I will beat the sh*t out of you.
(drunk guy) (in shock)
Its at this point, that the two girls with this guy, plus his buddy, step in and "escort" him up the aisle to cool off. The two chicks came back and start apologizing for him, noting that "he's been drinking" and "he really doesn't like the Chiefs losing". To which I reply, OK? And I do like the Chiefs losing? And I haven't been drinking vodka since 6am? I am p*ssed, to put it mildly. I should probably note, the guy I was getting into it with was over 6 feet tall, about 270 pounds, and it wasn't a fat 270, it was a well built 270. I'm 5'10", 165, and will never be accused of having an "athletic build". Its probably good this situation got diffused ...
And I should also probably note, after he came back, all was good. He kept repeatedly apologizing for his outburst. I kept accepting his apology. But here's to hoping this "die hard Chiefs fan" restarts his 20 year streak of no-showhood next week and beyond.
* Cassel's first pass of the second half? Intercepted. Thankfully, the Bills QB was every bit as awful as Cassel yesterday, and Brandon Flowers picked him off in the end zone to save more points and keep the Chiefs within a score.
* Seriously, Matt Cassel is Shining Example Numero Uno of why you don't tear up an existing "contract" with a player, and sign him to a long term deal, until you're damned sure what you have in him. Had Pioli simply had Cassel play under the terms of his Franchise Tag, we could cut the cord after this season and pursue other alternatives. You know, alternatives that actually perform at an acceptable level. Or, if you still believed in Cassel, you could resign him, but at a much lower price tag. Instead? Our brain trust gives Cassel a 6 year, $63 million contract before he's even played a preseason down as a Chief. Let's just say, on the long list of things that didn't go right in 2009, Cassel's long term deal is going to be near the top.
* After the Bills tack on a field goal to make it 13-3, Todd Haley finally realizes "hey! My QB can't throw worth a damn, we're facing the 31st ranked run defense ... I know! Let's run the ball!" 75 untouched yards later, Jamaal Charles gave the Chiefs faithful their only highlight of the game. For the first time in section 132, this hot as hell recapper began to believe we could steal this game.
* After exchanging a pair of three and outs ... Cassel drops back to pass. You guessed it. Interception, this one by Paul Posluszny. Yeah, Cassel's now getting picked off by guys who've missed 70% of their career by being on IR. Good God. The Bills quickly tack on a field goal, to make it 16-10.
* The Chiefs actually challenged whether Posluszny was actually down by contact, or if he fumbled the interception at the end of his return. I will not rip that challenge. I personally thought he was down, but it was close. One of those plays where whatever the original ruling was, was probably going to stand. At that point, down three, and committing a potentially game-cripping turnover midway through the fourth quarter, I'm fine with that challenge. I'm just grateful nothing shady happened the next six minutes though -- because of the retarded challenge in the first half, we didn't have any left to use.
* Chiefs take over after the Bills field goal, and slowly begin to drive the field. And here's where not taking the points in the first quarter bites you in the ass. (Note: why is it that every Todd Haley decision winds up coming back to bite us in the ass? Just once, can this guy do something right? Just once? Please? As much as this might shock you, I really don't want to hate our head coach. Anyways, where was I. Oh yeah, retarded decision to not kick the field goal).
If you'd taken the gimme field goal, its 16-13 Buffalo at this point, and you're driving to tie. The Chiefs actually got to the Bills 20 with about 2:30 to go. Instead of the fourth down pass that got picked off, you'd have Succup coming on to tie the game. (Of course, had Chambers held onto the 3rd down pass, you'd be going for the lead. But with that first quarter field goal, you'd be playing to get up 4 and force the Bills to score a touchdown to beat you, instead of getting up 1 and the Bills only needing a field goal).
The way both defenses were playing (and more specifically, the way both offenses were playing), at that point, you're all but guaranteed overtime. Instead, the Bills get the pick, force the Chiefs to burn through their timeouts, and all but end the game. The Chiefs did get the ball back one last time, still down 16-10, at their own 20 with a minute to go. But too much yardage to cover, not enough time to get there, and Cassel's desperation final toss was picked in the end zone. Bills 16, Chiefs 10. (Amazingly enough, my exact predicted final score on Friday. Wow).
* Postgame, its off to the bus. We didn't stick around for long. After the new tailgating neighbors ducked out with their bus after about half an hour, it was off for home, to cope with the fact that once again, incompetent coaching has cost the Chiefs a victory.
* I can't stress this enough. There is zero reason why the Chiefs should not be 6-7 and a game out of the playoffs right now. None. Now, I'm willing to be realistic here. Even if we were 6-7 and on the fringes of wildcard contention, the odds of the Chiefs winning out to get in at 9-7 would be slim and none, and none would open as a 15 point favorite.
But at least we'd be in the discussion. At least we'd be playing meaningful football in December for the first time since 2006. And as 2006 showed us, anything can happen if you take advantage of the opportunities in front of you.
Todd Haley's Chiefs have been in positions to win. Unfortunately, he always seems to do the exact opposite of what would have meant success when those positions presented themselves to him --
* The idiocy of calling the screen pass just before the half against oakland that cost us three points (the eventual margin of victory for the raiders) when the receiver was tackled in bounds (and the Chiefs had no timeouts to stop the clock with, because -- and I know you're not going to believe this -- Haley burned a timeout when facing a 4th and 2 decision midway through the first quarter).
* The failure to move a safety over for support for Leggett, either in the fourth quarter or overtime, of the loss to Dallas. (Or better yet, given our injury situation that day, scrap the corner man coverage altogether in that spot, play cover three, and at least prevent the only thing Dallas did all day that worked, the 60 yard bombs to Miles Austin).
* The idiocy of going for it on 4th and 1 at your own 35 on the opening drive of the game against San Diego that opened the floodgates to a rout.
* The stupidity of faking a punt at your own 25 when you're only down a score with 28 minutes to go, that led to a 20 unanswered donkeys points that turned a tight competitive game into an ass kicking.
* And now yesterday, not taking the gimme points in the first quarter, instead opting to call a ridiculous quarterback bootleg with no pass outlet if things break down. Instead of having a shot to win in overtime, the Chiefs lost for the 17th time in the last 19 games that count at Arrowhead because of more bone-headed decision making from both the head coach and his general on the field. (I do not think that it's a coincidence, that the two most brain challenged members on this squad are the head coach and the QB, and we've lost 10 of 13 games. Not a coincidence at all).
Bad teams tend to be bad because ... well, because the talent base just isn't there. Either the team has embraced a rebuild, or they're in denial about the need for a rebuild, but either way, the talent isn't there.
(Or they completely screw up the rebuild through year after year of incompetent drafting decisions, bad free agent signings, and horrible coaching hires. Like the 2009 Chiefs).
Nobody is suggesting the 2009 Chiefs should be challenging for the Lombardi Trophy. The talent level simply isn't there to contend week in, week out with the best of the best.
But I am saying that they should be at least three games better in the standings than they are. The reason why we are an also-ran yet again, as opposed to being in the mix of 7 teams within a game of the final wildcard spot, is because the Chiefs screw up the routine more than any other team I've ever seen.
99 coaches out of 100 instinctively know the right thing to do in a situation. So long as you've got one of those 99 calling the shots for you, you've got a chance. Even the worst of the 99 at least handles the routine correctly. Its when you get the 1 out of 100 that you're FUBAR'd.
Todd Haley is definitely in the category of 1. Until and unless Chiefs management recognizes this and pulls the plug, there's no reason for hope or optimism about this team. They will continue to lose in jaw-dropping fashion. They will continue to find ways to get embarrassed by the contenders, and humiliate themselves against the pretenders. They will continue to praise their practices, and continue to embarrass themselves on the turf on gameday. "You are what you are". The 2009 Chiefs are the worst coached team Chiefs team in at least 21 years. They are a freaking embarrassment to themselves, to the city, to the history of this franchise.
Worst of all, they're the single worst thing a professional team can be -- absolutely unbearable to watch.
(Bring on the Browns in a matchup of the two worst head coaches in the league! Holy crap, common sense might be set back 55 years on Sunday when these two intellectual "giants" lock wits on the field ...)
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