the championship game prediction

Ten years ago, “The Voice of Reason” and I set out on a journey on a non-descript Saturday in mid-March.  The destination?  St. Louis, Missouri.  The reason for driving four hours on a rainy Saturday in mid-March?  Because there was a team in need of some support.

The 2002 Jayhawks were probably Roy’s most underrated team.  A team that lost three games prior to the Final Four, two of them to Sweet 16 and beyond participants (at UCLA, OU in Kemper Arena).  Undefeated in conference play.  The team that ended Arizona’s nearly two decade long non-conference winning streak at the McHale Center.  A team with four future pros on the roster – Drew Gooden, Nick Collison, Kirk Hinrich, and Wayne Simien, to say nothing of the biggest man-crush I’ve ever had on a Jayhawk, Jeff Boschee.  Throw in Mikey Lee, Aaron Miles, and Keith Langford, and that’s one helluva eight man rotation.

As you would expect a team that goes undefeated in a power six conference to receive, KU was given the one seed in the Midwest Region, a St. Louis / Madison path that promised a huge home court advantage (at least initially – Illinois awaited us if we reached the Sweet 16).  And reaching the Sweet 16 was the point of that day’s journey.

Two days prior, KU had opened its quest for its first Final Four berth in a decade by facing the Crusaders of Holy Cross.  Noone expected a competitive contest.  Noone anticipated what would unfold over the next two hours, as Holy Cross actually led at the under four timeout.  Not only is a one seed in legitimate danger of losing in the opening round for the first time, but all-everything guard Kirk Hinrich hasn’t played since the opening minutes due to a horrendous ankle sprain that everyone – and I mean everyone – expected to keep him out of the second round matchup against Stanford.

Now, I can probably hear you saying “Stanford?  So what?  They’re beatable”.  Uuh, this Stanford team was damned good.  They were a one seed the prior season, and returned most of the core of that team – future pros Curtis Borchard, Josh Childress, and the man we all feared, Casey Jacobsen.

Entering that Saturday, there was very serious doubt KU could survive and advance.

We scalped a couple tickets upon arrival, headed down to the Landing for a few cold ones, and eventually headed in.  Adding to the drama was that KU went last, so we had to sit through Kentucky and Tulsa first (a highly entertaining game that Kentucky won in overtime).

Finally, the moment arrives.  The warmups begin and … Good God, that’s Kirk Hinrich’s music!  Yes, Hinrich was warming up!  Suddenly, the mood turned from fear … to confidence.

And it wasn’t just in the stands that the confidence was felt.  I’ve said this before, that this wasn’t my favorite game from that season (obliterating Oregon in the Elite 8 was much more enjoyable, right down to the “We Aren’t Gonna Take It Anymore” KU Band finale) … but the first 92 seconds of this game, was as close to perfection as a team will ever come.  Boschee drilled a three to open the festivities.  A couple Gooden dunks.  Another Boschee three.  And then, before Stanford even knew what hit them, Hinrich for three … BANGO!  15-0 Kansas 92 seconds in.

Ballgame.  I still shake my head thinking about those 92 seconds sometimes.  It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen at a basketball game.  KU could do nothing wrong.  Stanford could do nothing right.  Those of us who’d driven four hours because we thought the crowd was going to have to will a wounded duck to victory, instead got to spend 38 minutes enjoying the hell out of a team that was destined for great things (namely, the Final Four to end that season, the National Title game the following season, the Elite Eight running on fumes two years later).

I mention this … because I still have to offer up an official prediction for tonight’s contest, and this is my prediction.  This game tonight is not going to be what everyone expects.

It’s going to be Stanford all over again.  A unified, fired up Jayhawks team with its back to the wall, with the world doubting it’s able to win, is going to open strong, and ultimately defeat Kentucky tonight.

Tyshawn Taylor is currently 0 for 20 from three land in this tournament.  Riddle me this, Hawks fans: do you REALLY think he’s going to go 0 for 4, 0 for 5, 0 for anything, tonight from behind the arc?  Or is he long overdue for a 4 for 6 from three, 22 point, relatively turnover free outing?  (The good Tyshawn, if you will).  Do you REALLY think T-Rob is going to miss SEVEN shots from inside of three feet, as he did on Saturday night?  Or do you think, with a championship and all that entitles on the line, instead of trying to hook the shot in, he’ll pound the rim and slam the bastard home?

And most of all – with 48 hours to prepare for an opponent he’s already faced this season, do you REALLY think Bill Self, who has delivered the performance of a LIFETIME this entire season, do you REALLY think he’s NOT going to come up for an answer for Kentucky?

We got down big early to Purdue.  Self figured out how to stop them.  NC State was close the whole way, but in the end, it was Self’s defensive genius that found a way to win.  UNC was a trackmeet for a half, tied at 47.  The Heels scored not even HALF that total in the second half (22) thanks to a gimmick “why not” defense known as the triangle and two that so confused the Tar Heels, Ol’ Roy didn’t even know what defense we were in.

And then Saturday night, his masterpiece.  Clark Kellogg kept hammering it home in the first half (completely accurately, by the way) – if KU can’t run, they can’t score.  Ohio State had us in the half-court game, unable to press, unable to generate offense.  Somehow in the second half, KU was flying down the court, constantly winning the battle for loose balls, for rebounds, finding a way to get on the break.  Do you really think Thad Motta, a genius coach in his own right, took a stupid pill at halftime? 

Or is Bill Self really that good?

I’m betting on the latter.  I’m betting on Tyshawn Taylor ending his career on the highest note possible, on T-Rob leaving nothing on the floor for his likely final time sporting the Crimson and the Blue.

But most of all, I’m betting tonight’s MVP will be the little walk-on that could.  Conner Teahan.  The hero of the Mizzou comeback.  I mean, if KU can win THAT game, as fired up as both sides were, trailing by 19 at home with under 11 to play, do you REALLY think they can’t beat Kentucky?

This team has yet to play a complete game in this tournament.  It’s time.  As the Royals have been saying all off-season, “it’s our time”.  Hell yes it is.  Yes, I’m biased.  Yes, I’m a homer.  But sometimes, the team you root for, is the team of destiny.  Sometimes, the team you love, just wants it more.  They play harder, they force the issue, they just find a way to win.

In the words of the Lost Trailers, “you can call me a dreamer, say I’m a little naïve … but I believe in the underdog”.  By the time this game is over, the first 92 seconds of Stanford, the entire 40 minutes against Oregon (still my favorite KU game of all time, and I’m fully aware it was not for a championship), the last 1:54 against Memphis, the euphoria of Danny Manning hitting both free throws against OU, the 35 point halftime lead in the Final Four against Marquette … this one might top them all.  Jayhawks 81, Wildcats 71.

(jim nantz voice) Here's to you, Mr. Robinson!  

stevo answers his "fans"

* “Stevo, please don’t take this the wrong way … but sometimes, people have to be told things they don’t want to hear. It’s called tough love.” -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.

Uuh, I don’t like where this is headed, especially since the last time I tried this, I was called a "dipsh*t", an "assh*le", a "mother f*cker", and told that if I saw said person again, he'd "beat my ass into a coma" …

“So Stevo, while I commend you on your attempts to diversify what you post about, I mean, milking five printed pages on what’s on your iPod is creative genius amigo! But please, I’m begging you, as a friend, as a former roommate, as your appointed “Voice of Reason”, please … will you give us a godd*mned fake mailbag already! It’s been nearly a full year since you last hauled one out!” – still Gregg G, still Bonner Springs.

Can it be true? Has it really been a full calendar year since I last did one of these? The answer tragically is “yes”. The last mailbag I did was on April 1st and no, that is not an April Fools Day joke. As always, these are “real queries” from “real readers” of this site.

Did you have a query, “Gregg G”?

* “Yes, I do. If you’re going to go old-school, which I totally love by the way, then please, go all out! We need a classic “Tale of the Tape”, Nick Bakay style!” – Gregg G, Bonner Springs.

You know what? As usual, “The Voice of Reason” is right. So in honor of what figures to be KU’s final trip to Allen Field House East … excuse me, The Plaige … excuse me, the … uuh, what the hell do you people call that place nowadays? It changes names so often that I can’t keep up. Mizzou Arena? Thanks. Since this figures to be KU’s final trip to Mizzou Arena, let’s do the first of (hopefully) four final meetings as conference rivals right, breaking down who’s got the advantage headed into Saturday using the tried and true “Tale of the Tape”!!! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old dude who possibly has broadcast a game while lit like a Christmas tree:
KU – Max Falkenstein.
MU – Gary Link.
Advantage: push. Anytime drunken old people are given an uncensored microphone, good things happen. See Globes, Golden; Awards, SAG. (Seriously, how EPIC was Tina Fey and Melissa McCarthy chugging shots for each mention of Marty Scorsese’s name? And how awesome was it that some later presenter just randomly said “Scorsese” to lead a round of shots with the audience? The lesson? As always, you can never go wrong with monkeys and midgets. No, wait, it’s that you can never go wrong with giving an intoxicated person an uncensored mic.)

Person who current gymnasium was originally named after:
KU – Phog Allen, a Naismith Hall of Fame player and coach who won two national championships and took Dr. Naismith’s original ideas for the game and improved them. (Such as using buckets with no bottom, to allow easier retrieval of the ball).
MU – Paige Laurie, who admitted to academic fraud while an undergrad at USC.
Advantage: KU. Paige, sorry honey, I have to do it. (stevo at arrowhead after a penalty on the opposition voice) Cheater! Cheater! Dirty f*cking cheater!!!

Most Significant Off Court Achievement by a former player:
KU – Wilt Chamberlain having in excess of 20,000 sexual partners in his lifetime.
MU – Ricky Clemons offending half the state of Missouri and the entire alumni base by calling white people “crackers”, and crashing an ATV on the chancellor’s grounds while under the influence of alcohol and possibly a controlled substance. Mr. Clemons was on probation for numerous other legal issues at the time of his drunken ATV ride.
Advantage: Mizzou. I mean, 20,000 women is one helluva respectable achievement … but come on, drunken stoned ATV ride! Who doesn’t want to be in Ricky Clemons position at that point! Especially since after about partner 13,286, I’d be exhausted. And broke from constantly having to replentish the stash of KY and Lifestyles.

Annoying Animal that Student Body Dresses Up As to Taunt Opposition:
KU – a penguin.
MU – any animal with antlers.
Advantage: Mizzou. The penguin isn’t that intimidating. And probably isn’t wanted in two states and five counties for a variety of local and state offenses.

Big XII Championships:
KU – 11, including seven straight.
MU – zero, zip, nada.
Advantage: Kansas.

Final Four Appearances:
KU – 13, including three in the last ten years.
MU – zero, zip, nada.
Advantage: Kansas. But look on the bright side, Tigers fans – if BYU continues its midseason fade, you can close to within one for the all time record for most seasons in the tournament without reaching the Final Four this year!!! (MU currently trails BYU 26-24.)

Former Coach Who Can Be Legitimately Accused of Coaching Under the Influence:
KU – Ted Owens.
MU – Quin Snyder.
Advantage: Mizzou. Coke trumps grain alcohol. Provided a half-naked secretary performing, uuh, “party favors” while snorting is involved.

Endearing to the Fanbase Chant that Pisses Off Every Other School.
KU – Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU!
MU – MIZ! ZOU!
Advantage: MU. When coupled with “SEC! SEC!”, the Tigers fans are truly unbearable after a Mizzou win.

Worthless African American Twins to Suit Up for Each Squad:
KU – the Morii, Markieff and Marcus.
MU – the Haley’s, Sally and something.
Advantage: push. We are ALL losers here for having watched them play.

Finally … Best Postgame Interview By a Former Head Coach Regarding the Reality of the Situation:
KU – Roy Williams, after losing to Syracuse in the National Championship game, telling Bonnie Bernstein of CBS Sports that “I don’t give a shit” regarding rumors of his leaving to take the North Carolina job (which he would do).
MU – Norm Stewart, after losing to KU in Lawrence in 1998, as the fans chanted “NIT! NIT!” at Mizzou as they left the court. Coach’s response when asked what he thought of the taunt / insult? “Christ, we aren’t good enough for the NIT”. Mizzou would not participate in any postseason tournament that season.
Advantage: MU. There’s comedy, there’s hysterical comedy, and then there’s a Norm Stewart press conference. Plus “Christ” is the stronger expletive, depending on your view of religion. I really miss Norm. I hope he’s still getting a lot of use out of that rocking chair KU graciously gave him upon his retirement.

So there you have it. When you break down the intangibles … MU wins 5-3, with 2 pushes. And that’s pretty much what I expect to occur on Saturday. I’ll take the Tigers 81-72 in a game that plays out exactly like KU’s game in Ames did: tied at the under four, and MU hits every damned free throw down the stretch to pull away.

* “Come on, where’s the PSA? Where’s the PSA for Mizzou fan?” – Heath C, Harrisonville.

True. Mizzou fan, WHEN you win on Saturday, and you will, ACT like you’re the favorite (which you are). ACT like you’re the more talented team (which you are). ACT like you’re the higher ranked team (which you are) with fewer losses (which you are), and the home court advantage (which you have). If Tiger fan storms the court Saturday night, the Big XII had better fine the shit out of the Mizzou athletic department for endangerment to lives.

On second thought, given what Chuck Nienas said this week regarding Mizzou, uuh, storm away! I guarantee you Mr. Nienas is anxiously awaiting a record setting fine to be handed down on Monday against the Mizzou student body and athletic department for conduct unbecoming of a top five program (which Mizzou is).

* “Congratulations on your spectacularly sage prognostication of predicting the denver broncos would make the playoffs! Thanks Steve!” – Kellie J, KCK.

Godd*mned blocked field goal from 48 yards – twice! – against oakland …

* “You think you’ve had a rough year? My wife flies her broncos flag proudly every game day Sunday. The next time you think you’re having a bad gameday? Remember me. And cry.” – Dusty J, KCK.

Cry? Hell, the last time I pulled into your driveway and saw that piece of should-be-toilet-paper flying from the flagstick, I nearly hit the gas and hit it at full ramming speed. The lesson? As always, when it comes to the denver broncos, I lose all sense of rationale and reason.

* “NO! You CANNOT abandon the President! Come on Stevo, you’re the one ally I have here in the reddest of the red states!!!” – Brett H, Harrisonville.

I’m not abandoning Obama. Hell, it’s still 50/50 I’ll vote for him. (As always, I will not officially endorse a candidate until after the Democratic Convention finishes during the first week in September … and this year, said coveted Stevo Official Endorsement might have to wade through a few debates before I figure out which less-than-attractive-candidate to swallow hard and vote for.)

I just thought his SOTU speech was disgraceful. Especially since the one unquestioned success (albeit a moderate one that needs some adjusting … and albeit, a success only in my eyes apparently) this administration has had, finally beginning to deal with health care costs, got one throw-away line. If you aren’t willing to run on your record, then why the hell are you running?

* “OK, ok, I’ve finally got it. I know what’s gonna rope you into a summer trip to the greatest city in America. Ready?” – Brooke B, Milwaukee.

Oh Lord, I can only imagine where this is going. What reason is that, couz?

* “Guess who’s performing on July 4th at Summerfest!” – still Brooke B, still Milwaukee.

Oh Lord, I can only imagine where this is going. Who’s performing on our nation’s 235th birthday?

* “Neil! Diamond!” – still Brooke B, still Milwaukee.

Sweet f*cking Jesus! Neil Diamond, on the 4th, in concert?!?! Hang on, I’m about to pass out at the possibility of FINALLY crossing “see Neil Diamond in concert” off the bucket list … and having him sing “The Jazz Singer” ON JULY FOURTH! LIVE! (stevo hitting the ground in utter shock). Giggity!

* “OK, you must have something to say regarding what the Chiefs should do at QB. Come on. We count on you to be our “overreact to everything Chiefs related” blogger! I mean … uuh … keep up the good work?” – Damien J, Midtown.

Here’s the big “if”, and yes, it’s a biggie, and I understand going into it that the odds of it happening are roughly the odds of me having sex tonight without having to drive down to Independence Avenue, rent a sleazy motel room for an hour … ok fine, five minutes … and pay the lady for the privilege of experiencing the greatness that is Stevo. Cue your (rimshot!) here.

Here’s what I’m looking at. The Vikings have already publically said they want to trade out of the three hole. IF you figure Luck goes at one, and IF come draft day, the Rams stay in the second slot and take Justin Blackmon from Oklahoma State … uum, well, here’s the question.

Would you trade this year’s number one (either 11 or 12 overall), next year’s number one (likely to be in the low 20s as things stand right now, in my opinion), and swap a few later round picks to make the math work, to move up to three at that moment and take Robert Griffin III?

Ooh, didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Look it, my preference is to swallow hard, deal with Cassel for another year, rely on a heavy ball-control offense, squeeze out a 10-6 division title, and then go all in next spring for Aaron Murray of Georgia or Matt Barkley of USC. But – BUT! – if come about 6:25pm CT on Day One, Griffin is still there, the Vikings are on the clock … do you make the call? Do you spend two first round picks (and probably a 2nd either this year or next) to get “your guy” if you think he’s “the guy”? Or do you swallow hard, cross your fingers, hope Jamaal Charles comes back healthy, and you can return to the ball control / conservative passing game that won you the division last year (and despite it all, was one missed field goal away from winning it again this year)?

I honestly don’t know. Chiefs fans, the comments section is yours to voice your opinion. Whatever said opinion might be.

* “Really? The only movie you saw in a theater all year was the “Footloose” remake? Lame.” – Vineet T, Queens.

To think it was only 14 short years ago that we were stopping in at the Grand every Friday from like mid January to April, to see “Titanic” again. Wait, did I just say that out loud?!?!

* “I wub you Unca Teve!” – Ayden K, Shawnee.

Awww. At least someone does. Did you have a question?

* “Yeah. Teve? Will you watch Wescue Hewoes with me?” – still Ayden K, still Shawnee.

(stevo bashing his head against the window sill …) Sure buddy. Why not.

* “It wasn’t that long ago I was bashing your head against that window sill!” – Drew K, Shawnee.

I know – I still have the scar by my left eye to prove it. Your query?

* “Oh, yeah. Uum … how sweet was BJ’s coming out party on Saturday? To drop not one, not two, but ELEVEN three pointers on the Lakers as the Bucks win in a rout! Awesome stuff!” – still Drew K, still Shawnee.

Hell yes it was. It figures – this was THE weekend I had circled to make a quick getaway to Milwaukee, see the cousin and her husband, and catch a game. I mean, I gotta see Kobe in person once before he retires. You should ALWAYS find a way to see the greatest of the great at least once. (Why the hell do you think I made trips to St. Louis for years to see Sosa, McGwire, Bonds, and the rest of the National Leaguers?) Go figure, work got in the way … but man, what I wouldn’t have given to have been there to witness it in person.

* “So wait, you’re willing to fly now?” – Kristin L, Atlanta.

Ever since your wedding, yes. Its amazing how easily your fear of heights and flying can disappear when you combine a couple shots of vodka with four Benadryls about five minutes before boarding, and then cue up your iTunes to play a steady stream of “NCIS” episodes you’ve seen 15,293 times already to finally knock you out.

* “You mentioned a bucket list already twice in this mailbag” – Brent S, somewhere in Johnson County.

Wait, you could read this before I posted it? My GOD! Psychic! Anyways, your point?

* “Uuh, yeah. Anyways, any goals or dreams for this year? Gotta have something to aim for, right?” – still Brent S, still somewhere in Johnson County.

Well, you’re aiming higher than me, and congratulations by the way, in case I haven’t said it before. Christ, what is it with girls named Ashley always winding up getting married every summer? My brother’s wife in 2005. Gregg’s wife in 2007. Another friend in 2009. Now you AND my friend Novacek this summer. I swear, if DJ had married someone named Ashley, I wouldn’t have known how to react. I might have gone screaming out of the bar or something.

Anyways, yes, I have five things I want to do this year. In no particular order …

1. (cue “the rock” voice) FINALLY, Stevo has come BACK … to Indianapolis!!! I haven’t been to the Brickyard since 2006, I haven’t been to the 500 since 2008. I need to go back. For at least one of them. Preferably the 500, it’s the better event and has the travel day built in. But after four years away, it’s time to get a roadie organized. Speaking of getting a roadie organized …

2. Chiefs play at Tampa this fall. Don’t care where it falls on the schedule, I need to be there. The seashell I have on my desk at work from my last trip to Tampa needs a playmate.

3. I’m not completely naïve – I know this is likely the last summer of the “carefree life as I know it”. My brother and “The Voice of Reason” both are parents now. Brent gets married this summer. DJ and Kellie won’t wait forever to procreate. And it’s been five years since Transamerica shut us down and kicked us to the curb. So if 2012 is the last great summer of my youth … ok fine, early middle age, then dammit, I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of it. And part of that might entail …

4. I want to meet “My Kind of Crazy”. Maybe I already know them, maybe I don’t, but in the words of Jimmy Chitwood, “I figure it’s time I start playing ball”. No, wait, I mean, I’m 35 now. It’s probably time to get serious about finding someone to share this life with, as opposed to share a night with. And along those lines …

5. June 23rd, my folks will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. That’s insane. I can’t even imagine knowing someone for 40 years, let alone sharing a checking account with them. So needless to say, my brother and I have one HELLUVA bash to get to work on. (And in the words of the late, great Senator Kennedy, “you can bet your ass” my Uncle Bill will be involved in any and all planning and details. Because no party is complete without the “straight out of the bottle, or out of the tin cup” decision.)

That a good list?

* “A great one Stevo! But you forgot one – when is (insert ounce here) gonna be? I vote for the Sporting KC game again, I had a blast!” – Megan K, City Market.

Agreed on all counts. Sporting KC is home the first three Saturdays in August. One of those is HIGHLY LIKELY to be this year’s … let’s see, carry the one … carry the three … 455,001st ounce tailgate! Last year’s was a perfect day in my book – the day began with me seeing my nieces baptized … and ended by playing washers on a 106 degree day. It was so freaking hot the sandwich tray I ordered literally melted. Uum, can we have that again please? Although fine, if the temp wants to cap in the high 90s, I’m fine with that. See, I’m getting tolerant of other views in my “middle age”.

* “455,001? I quit.” – Steve’s liver, South KC.

Fair enough. I’ve abused you worse than anything one Orenthal James Simpson ever did to someone he “loved”.

* “Speaking of “monkeys and midgets”, you did see it, right? Oh sweet Jesus, please tell me you saw it!” – Jasson W, Shawnee.

Oh hell yes I saw it! A midget on this spring’s “Survivor”! How EPICALLY AWESOME is this! A freaking MIDGET! The ONLY way this gets better is if (a) there’s a monkey on whatever exotic island they’re filming on, and (b) said midget announces “good news makes the compass point north!” right before hooking up with the tribal skank.

* “Good news makes the compass point north? What the hell does that mean?” – Frank L, El Paso.

It’s a line from one of the most underrated movies of all time, “Mystery Alaska”. Let’s run through the checklist of this “Instant Classic”, shall we?

A pre-famous Russell Crowe that the ladies can drool over? Check.
A pre-West Wing, barely post-Private Parts Mary McCormick for the guys to drool over? Check.
Burt Reynolds in an awful toupee, mailing in the performance? Check.
An uncredited Mike Myers looking worse than his “54” Steve Rubell character? Check.
A 5 year old telling Beth Littleford on (live) TV that “my dog takes big shits”? Check.
The young hero of the local hockey squad being named Steve? CHECK!!!
Said young hero named Steve getting some personal time in a Zamboni with the hottest chick in town? CHECK!!!!!!!
Said young hero named Steve literally nutting as soon as said hottest chick in town goes to apply the condom? (sighing …) Check.

In all seriousness, this is one HELLUVA funny movie. And in one of those “life imitates art” moments, the NHL Winter Classic? The coolest NHL game all year? WAS STOLEN FROM THIS MOVIE! This is where the idea originated – the New York Rangers travel to Mystery, Alaska to play the best amateur team in the country on their “home ice”, literally an outdoor frozen pond. This movie gets a solid 11-5 on the Stevo / Theismann Rating Scale. You won’t regret spending 90 minutes with this one on Netflix.

* “Is there anything scarier than those predators Chris Hansen interviews on “To Catch a Predator”? I mean, I cringe in fear every time I see them on my TV screen! What person could POSSIBLY be worse than those perverts?” – “The Steve Pederson of Tailgating”, Shawnee.

Uh. Oh. We’re in shouting range.

* “Care to guess my final rattlesnake count? 56! 56 Stevo! Yeah, I’m one bad ass mother” – the man affectionately known as “Wyoming”, somewhere in Wyoming.

We’re in sight of the finish line.

* “That godd*mned Danica! Nothing but tits and ass! Tits! And! Ass!” – Gus B, Raytown.

We’re in sniffing range.

* “Hello any single ladies. I’m a 35 SWM interested in NSA relationship. 420 friendly if that’s how you roll. Your pic gets mine. Email back with subject heading of today’s date” – possibly this site’s author, possibly on Craiglist’s casual relationship link.

Come on … I had you for at least 2/1000ths of a second, right? Until next time, let's be careful out there. (Cue "Greatest Theme Song EVER" clip.) And remember – if you liked me, and you like this site, for the LOVE OF GOD, SUBSCRIBE! “The Crush” subscribed three f*cking years ago … and NOBODY HAS SINCE! What, am I that unlovable?!?! (stevo checking his responses to his “craigslist posting” …)

college hoops thoughts

As some of you are aware, there are two college teams I root for.

KU, obviously. Many posts on this site related to KU Football, basketball, and there's probably a baseball riff or two on here somewhere, if only to rehash another one of my "proudest" moments in life, when at a KU baseball game sometime back in college, at quarter hot dog night, when a dude built like Kirby Puckett went back for more, and I dropped the "why? Doesn't look like you need anymore" blast at him. (I'm guessing I'd been drinking. That, or I really am retarded. Seriously, how did I escape high school and college without ever getting my ass kicked?)

Anyways, the other school I passionately follow ... is Syracuse.

Ten days ago, Syracuse stood undefeated at 17-0. It had risen to the number two ranking, facing number four Pittsburgh on Big Monday.

The Cuse promptly fell behind 19-0 en route to their first defeat of the season.

Six days ago, the Cuse packed the Dome to the rafters, hosting then number seven Villanova. And got pole-axed, never leading and losing by double digits.

Three days ago, the Cuse hosted also-ran Seton Hall ... and lost by 28. At home.

I say all this, because every year, at least one presumed "lock" for the tournament entering February seems to completely collapse and either head to the NIT, or squeak into the tourney before having their season mercifully ended. Last year, there were two shining examples of this: North Carolina and Texas.

I say all this ... because is the Cuse this year's falling star?

Once a team starts the downward spiral, it can be damned near impossible to recover from. Ask North Carolina last year, who started 12-4, and won their conference opener against Virginia Tech ... and then promptly dropped 7 of 8, the final defeat being a double digit Duke victory in Chapel Hill. Carolina finished 3-5 after that Duke rout, to finish at .500, sadly qualifying for the NIT (where they actually reached the title game before losing to Dayton).

(And by sadly, I mean tragically. I hate UNC with a freaking passion. I never could stand them even before the Rat Bastard arrived in 2004. His coaching tenure has just taken my dislike of the Tar Heels from "glad to see them lose" to "I hate them like I'm a Dukie").

Texas, like this year's Cuse team, opened 17-0 ... and lost 10 of 17 to end the season, the last defeat being a loss in the opening round to Wake Forest (an achievement deemed so great in the eyes of the Wake AD that he promptly sh*t canned their head coach 72 hours later).

Is the Cuse this year's Texas, this year's Carolina?

They currently sit at 17-3, but have lost three straight, each by a larger margin than the other. Worse yet, the last two defeats have come at home, where in the friendly confines of the Carrier Dome, Syracuse enjoys one of college hoops finest home court advantages. (Probably because there ain't sh*t else to do in Syracuse in the winter). Now, they face back-to-back brutal roadies, at Marquette on Saturday afternoon, then Wednesday night at UConn. I'd say it's not only highly conceivable that the Cuse hits a L5 as their trending streak, it's highly likely to happen.

After UConn, it doesn't get much better. The Cuse will have ten guaranteed games after the UConn game next Wednesday ... and (gulp) there's not much room to breathe:

* at South Florida (8-14, 2-8 conf). Syracuse should roll in this one ... but they should have rolled Seton Hall at home, and again, if you enter with that L5 as your trending streak, your confidence is rattled, and upsets happen.
* vs Georgetown (15-5, 4-4 conf). More on this in a minute.
* at Louisville (16-4, 5-2 conf). Yikes.
* vs West Virginia (13-6, 4-3 conf). Won't be easy.
* vs Rutgers (12-8, 3-5 conf). Should be easy ... but once the ball starts rolling down the hill towards Bubbleville ...
* at Villanova (17-3, 5-2 conf). They've already beaten Syracuse by 11 in the Dome.
* at Georgetown. Yikes.
* vs DePaul (6-14, 0-8 conf). A breather to end conference play. They need it.
* Big East Tournament, opponent TBA.

Right now, based on how things currently exist, I see at least 5 more defeats coming: at Marquette, at UConn, at Louisville, at Villanova, at Georgetown. I see three games the Cuse SHOULD win: at South Florida, vs Rutgers, vs DePaul. That puts them at 20-8, with three games left to determine the fate of the season: the Big East opener (which could be humongous for the Bubble), West Virginia at home ...

And the game that has to be the fail-safe, the game that I believe the season rides on: hosting the hated Hoyas on February 9th.

Last year, UNC's season was effectively over after losing that game to Duke. That was the fail-safe game. The one that if they won, the slide is halted, you get your confidence back, and begin to trend positively -- but if you lose, there's no stopping the slide. They lost. NIT bound.

(Conversely, you can argue Duke never looked back after that break-through victory -- they only lost one more the rest of the way (at Maryland) en route to the national championship).

Hopefully it won't come to the fail-safe. Maybe the Cuse comes out gangbusters on Saturday. Marquette is a winnable game. But I fear that game against Georgetown in twelve days is going to be huge for Syracuse's postseason hopes.

A few other college hoop thoughts, and I believe this is the first college hoop post of this season for me? I've been slacking ...

* Speaking of fail-safe games, speaking of "do or die" moments, speaking of "chance to really turn things around immediately" ... KSU at Kansas on Saturday night, everyone!

I have absolutely no idea what to expect out of KU at this point. Clearly the emotional toll of Thomas Robinson's personal blows hurt KU against Texas. On the other hand, I'd argue Tuesday night's win in Boulder was KU's most inspired performance so far this year.

I also have no idea what to expect from KU, because this team is fatally flawed. They have two huge problems, none of which I see any way Coach Self can correct. First, they don't have "the guy", the person you look to in the closing moments of a tight game, and put the game on his shoulders. In the words of Rick Pitino, Sherron Collins ain't walking through that door. Neither is Mario Chalmers, or Jacque Vaughn, or Jeff Boschee, or Kirk Hinrich, or any other stud Jayhawk who when the going got tough, pulled a Jimmy Chitwood and said "I'll make it Coach", and you knew he would.

But far more damaging than that in my opinion, because at least KU does have options at the end of a game ... is the fact that this team is atrocious at the foul line. I mean, atrocious. If there's an adjective that is stronger than atrocious, use that to describe KU at the line. In the words of Chuck Barkley, they're TURRIBLE! The Morris Twins are both 65% shooters, and if you watched them Saturday against Texas, you'd have guessed their percentage was in the teens, not the sixties. Thomas Robinson (and who knows where he goes from here, unfortunately) isn't even at 50%. He's at 47. Selby and Thomas are both in the low 80s ... but Thomas doesn't get to the line enough to make a difference. And let's be honest here -- in a one point game on the road, do you really want a freshman as inconsistent as Josh Selby shooting the deciding free throws? (My way of saying, KU ain't got NOBODY I'd trust from the line inside the final five minutes).

KU is easily leaving 10-12 points a game at the foul line. Easily. You can do that against Nebraska, and barely survive (like KU did). You can't do that against Texas, or A&M, or Mizzou, and expect to walk away with anything other than a defeat.

On the other side of the court Saturday night, wow, how big is this game for the Wildcats? You can legitimately argue their entire season rides on this game Saturday night. A loss drops KSU to 2-5 in the conference, means they've dropped 5 of 7, and are about to come dangerously close to replicating North Carolina from last year, or (a more apt description) the MU Tigers of 2003-2004, who took a top three national ranking and promptly lost in the first round of the NIT by the time the season was over.

The good news for KSU is that, after this game, they only have one virtually unwinnable roadie left (at Texas). They also figure to be favored in their next three (vs Neb / at ISU / at Col) entering the rematch with KU on Valentine's Day. So even with a loss Saturday night, the Wildcats season is far from over. But if they could win on Saturday? As a KU fan, I refuse to even contemplate that possibility. But as a college hoops fan, let's just say this game is very, very intriguing.

* Speaking of intriguing games, the most interesting game on the board to me this weekend is Duke at St. John's (Sunday, noon, CBS). I know Ohio State is deservedly ranked number one, based on their being the last undefeated team standing, but I still think Duke is the best team in America, and I will be shocked if they don't at least reach Houston come the end of March.

Having said that, and going back to a recurring theme, is this St. John's fail-safe game? They've dropped three straight after a great start (10-2) to the season. Steve Lavin is a tremendous head coach (and good God, do I miss his commentary, he was one of the great ones ESPN had). But it's asking too much for this team to stand toe-to-toe with Duke. The collapse is on. It's not stopping in this one.

I like Duke, and I like them to roll St. John's. And I mean roll. As in "pick the worst player on the Duke roster, he's getting at least five minutes of playing time" roll. This is going to be, in the words of one of my favorite phrases, "an ass kicking of Biblical proportions". This Duke team is scary good. There's not a flaw anywhere. Sunday just feels like one of those break-out type of games, where a team you know is pretty decent, but hasn't really had a statement win yet, goes out and beats a decent team senseless.

(My favorite example of this type of game? Easy, the 2002 2nd round, KU against Stanford. You have to think back, but good God, was I nervous for this game. KU nearly crapped the court in the opening round, barely defeating Holy Cross. Kirk Hinrich had rolled his ankle and was doubtful. I don't think Gregg and I said even five words between us driving to St. Louis that morning. You couldn't have pulled a pin out of my ass come tip-off, I was so nervous. And even worse? They don't sell booze at NCAA events. The Kentucky fans by us had their moonshine, but it wasn't helping. Nervous City with a capital N.

And then, in a shock to every KU fan there, Kirk Hinrich started. Five hours earlier the dude couldn't walk. Now he's being introduced? It totally jacked up the crowd (of which at least 90% were rooting for KU). We went from scared sh*tless to "f*ck it, we're winning this today" positive in about 2 seconds. Stanford had no clue what hit them. KU couldn't miss. Collison was hitting everything in the paint, and then Boschee drained a three pointer to make it 15-0. Mike Montgomery called TO at that point to stop the bleeding ... before the under sixteen timeout. That's incredible -- KU dropped fifteen on Stanford so fast, we hadn't even reached the first TV timeout yet. KU won 86-63, and kept on winning all the way to Atlanta for their first Final Four in a decade. This is the type of game I expect Duke to play on Sunday).

* Huge loss for Gonzaga last night, falling at home to St. Mary's by two. It's why I'm dragging this morning, I couldn't turn this game off. Gonzaga is now in real, real danger of missing the tournament. Lunardi still has them in the field this morning in his Bracketology watch ... but they're barely in (they're just off the dreaded opening-round last-teams-in grouping). Gonzaga's problem is that they really only have two chances to defeat a tourney team the rest of the way. They have Memphis in a couple weeks, and the return trip to St. Mary's after that. If you drop one or (worse) both of those? You're done.

* In bigger trouble than Gonzaga though, is Butler. Short of the auto-qualifier route, how do they get in? They've got way too many losses, and not enough quality wins. Lunardi has them barely in right now, but as the teams behind them (like Baylor, Washington State, Oklahoma State, Maryland) start potentially piling up big victories, what does Butler have to match them with? I mean, UW Milwaukee is a really neat place, even employs my cousin's husband. It's right on the Lake, in old Milwaukee, just a gorgeous area of town. But they have no business beating Butler twice in the same year, as they did this year. UW Milwaukee hasn't been relevant since Bruce Pearl was there in the late 1990s. Butler's in a world of trouble.

* Whoops, forgot to get into the other local team, which right now, I'd rate as the Big XII's best shot at reaching Houston. Yup, the Missouri Tigers.

(Spare me, Texas fans. Yes, you're undefeated. Yes, I have comments about you coming up. But no, you are not reaching the Final Four. Look at who your coach is. He's going to be de-pantsed by someone, probably around Sweet Sixteen time, on the other sideline. Rick Barnes is a great guy, and an incredible human being (more on this in a few paragraphs). But he is an AWFUL in-game coach. He's the only guy in America not named "Quin Snyder" who could fail to reach the Sweet Sixteen with Kevin Durant on his roster. Enough said).

MU plays Texas on Saturday night (8pm on the U), and you better believe I'll be tuned into that one. I love this Tigers team. I always liked Nolan Richardson's Arkansas teams back in the day. Partly because that's my brother's rooting interest, so I was forced to watch them when they were on ... but mostly because I just love the style of play. I love up-tempo basketball. Its why I strongly prefer the NBA to college, because the style of play is much better most of the time. (That, and the quality of play is 1,000 times better all of the time).

I really think this MU team can win in Austin Saturday night. They're the perfect team to do it, actually -- even against KU last weekend, Texas struggled to get the ball up the court and into position to run the offense, and KU really didn't press until the final ten minutes of the game. MU will be on them from the opening tip-off. In fact, hell, I'll predict it. MU 84, Texas 80. This is a very good Longhorns team, and they'll be in the mix for a top two seed (and a layup Tulsa - San Antonio route to Houston that only Rick Barnes could f*ck up). But MU's just as good. For one night, they're going to be better.

* As I mentioned a bit earlier, whatever I think of Rick Barnes as a head coach (and I don't think much of him) ... what an incredibly class act this guy is. The way he handled Saturday's game at KU was a masterpiece in class, dignity, and sportsmanship. Ditto his team -- there wasn't any taunting, any mocking, any rubbing it in as UT pulled away. Instead, each of them came up to T-Rob to express their sympathy, and Barnes' post game presser was one of the finest moments we'll see in sports this season.

But it wasn't the classiest, or the finest, or the most sportsmanlike, or any other adjective that we see way too rarely in sports anymore.

That would be UT on Wednesday night in Oklahoma State. Which, if you weren't aware, was the ten-year anniversary of the tragic plane crash that killed two Cowboys players and eight other members of the team (coaches, SID, pilots). A horrific event that Oklahoma State was attempting to properly honor and reflect on with commemorative t-shirts and pregame ceremonies.

Most coaches, would have their team respectfully stand and honor the victims during the pregame ceremony. They might even allow a ribbon on the jersey for one night.

Rick Barnes went beyond that. He had his team wear the tribute t-shirts during all warmups, while on the bench, and after the game.

Maybe I'm just getting softer as I get older. Maybe I'm finally embracing the good side of my personality, instead of the "I hate those guys! / I love those guys!" blind passion-side that usually dominates my view of sports. But I actually sat jaw-open when I saw what Barnes and his players did. That, was class. That was more than class. That was amazing.

(And something you'd never see that thug in Manhattan do in a thousand years. Christ, Frank Martin would probably boo the video tribute while asking "what's the big f*cking deal, it's been ten f*cking years, come on, we got a f*cking game to f*cking play!" during the moment of silence. Hey, its the passionate side of me re-emerging. Whew. Was worried I'd lost him there for a second ...)

As for UT itself, I was thorougly impressed with Saturday's win at KU (as well as Wednesday's surprisingly easy win at State). KU came out like gangbusters, absolutely on fire ... and Texas scored something like 65 of the last 88 points to win the game. They outscored KU at home by 23 points in the second half. I can't recall that EVER happening at the Field House. This is a phenomenal team, talent-wise probably the best since UT reached the 2003 Final Four. Or since Durant was one-and-done in 2007. Fun to watch, tough as nails, they simply keep plugging away until things go their way (and once it does turn in their favor, they just keep coming, a mark of a very resilient team). I just feel bad for Texas fans. We know how this is going to end. And it's not going to end in Houston.

* It wouldn't be appropriate for a college hoops post to pass without once again, begging, pleading, doing everything short of hitting my knees and blowing, please ESPN. Get rid of Bob Knight.

Monday nights, I mean, is ESPN's programming guru deaf? You go from the best team in the business (McDonough, Bilas, Raftery) to one of the three or four worst broadcast pairings in history (Musburger, Knight). And I love Brent Musburger. Knight really is that awful.

Seeing as how KU has three straight Big Monday appearances starting a week from now, this is not going to end well. I envision a cracked flat screen after I hurl a couple bottles at it in anger and actually connect.

I literally had to go to a bar for the second half of the KU / Baylor game a couple weeks ago. I was so hacked at having to listen to Knight, I feared I might hurl stuff at the TV. And I don't exactly have $600 laying around to replace it. So I went and spent money (aka bought drinks) to watch KU in a blowout win, because Knight p*ssed me off so much.

We're hitting crisis levels here. I haven't hated a broadcaster this much since Scott Lasky was hosting the NFL Sunday Ticket, and that was like 12 years ago. Please, ESPN, I'm begging you. Fire Bob Knight. Or at least demote him to the late night WCC game.

To put it another way: when I agree with Klassy Kevin Keitzman on something, and I am 100% in agreement with his "Fire Bob Knight" stance, I mean ... Knight has to be eight layers of awful. And he is.

* So, I guess I should end by going on the record with some picks for the weekend:

* MU 84, at Texas 80. For reasons stated above.
* Duke 103, at St. John's 62. For reasons stated above.
* at Marquette 76, Syracuse 69. Don't like the makeup of this Cuse team at all. Marquette always a tough out at home, and they need this one badly.
* at KU 74, KSU 73 (OT). Total homer pick. If I was betting on this game, I'd definitely take KSU, and I'd be tempted to take them straight up.
* at Baylor 82, Colorado 78. Huge bubble implications, for both teams.
* at UConn 81, Louisville 60. Waitresses at Italian restaurants in the Tri-State, be aware: Rick Pitino's in town for the weekend!
* at Villanova 64, Georgetown 61. Should be a typical Big East slugfest.
* BYU 81, at New Mexico 79. Huge letdown alert for BYU, but this ain't last year's Lobos team.
* at Nebraska 73, Texas A&M 68. Doc Sadler's taking down at least one heavyweight this year. A&M seems a little overvalued to me.
* at Missouri State 73, Northern Iowa 65. Huge, huge, huge Valley championship and NCAA bubble implications. Hu-yuge.

Who knows, now that I've finally logged a marathon college hoops post, I might finally get around to covering the basketball league I friggin love for once ...