"We walked on the beach
Beside that old hotel.
They're tearing it down now;
But it's just as well.
I haven't shown you everything
A man can do.
So stay with me baby --
I've got plans for you!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
You've given me the best of you,
And now I need the rest of you ...
Did you know that before
You came into my life?
It was some kind of miracle,
That I survived.
Someday we will both look back,
And have to laugh.
We lived through a lifetime --
And the aftermath!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
I know we've gotta move somehow,
But I don't wanna to lose you now ...
Sometimes it's so easy
To let a day slip on by,
Without even seeing
Each other at all.
But this is the time you'll turn back to,
And so will I.
And those will be days?
You can never recall ...
And so we embrace again,
Behind the dunes.
This beach is so cold,
On winter afternoons.
Oh, but holding you close?
Is like holding the summer sun.
A warmth from the memory?
Of days to come!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
You've given me the best of you,
And now I need the rest of you ..."
-- "This Is The Time" by Billy Joel.
--------------------
The Seven T's.
Seven defining moments from the two playoff games, that have the Chiefs in a position they've never been in before in my lifetime, and I am forty three years (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change old.
Seven spectacular, incredible, season-defining -- if not franchise-defining -- plays of immense significance.
In chronological order ...
--------------------
T1 and T2: The Tackle and The Turnover.
I can't speak as to how all of y'all felt early in the second quarter of the Divisional Round against the Texans, but I can speak as to how I felt, after the Texans nailed a chip shot field goal to go up 24-0 barely twenty minutes into the contest.
I was literally sick to my stomach. I honestly thought I would puke where I sat -- and yes, I used the word "sat", because I didn't have the energy to stand anymore. (If you sit in the lower bowl at Arrowhead, you know that, uuh, sitting, is not really an option. You stand, then stand some more, then really stand when the game matters.)
Then Mecole Hardman gave us our first glimpse of hope with a spectacular sixty yard return. Two plays later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Damien Williams for the score, to inject a little life into the team, the game, and the fandom.
Then, after getting its' ass handed to it for twenty straight minutes, the Chiefense stood and forced a three and out, setting up a fourth and four at the Texans thirty yard line.
Which led Bill O'Brien to call what I thought was a brilliant play -- a fake punt. And I actually mean that -- it was a brilliant play call. Because ten members of the Chiefs special teams unit fell back to set up the return. Only one Chief smelled out what was coming -- "Dirty" Danny Sorenson * .
(*: I never imagined there would come a moment in my life when I could like someone -- be it a real person or (in my case) a fictional character on my favorite TV show of all time -- named Danny Sorenson. Y'all have no idea how much I hated Rick Schroeder's character on "NYPD Blue". I'll just note that I hated his character so much, that when they killed him off to close the eighth season / open the ninth season, I actually lit a victory cigar on the back deck to celebrate. And sadly, that's not a joke, it's the truth.)
"Dirty" Danny somehow, some way, tackled the Texans punter two yards short of the line to gain, setting the Chiefs up at the Texans thirty.
I have heard Arrowhead explode with emotion many, many a time. (Especially the fourth and sixth T's in this listing. Number six still makes me cry uncontrollably, and it's been two weeks now.)
Damn, did Arrowhead explode when the first T occurred -- "The Tackle".
Three plays and twenty three seconds later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Travis Kelce for his second touchdown in three minutes, to bring the Chiefs to within ten at 24-14. (Note: Mr. Kelce is the seventh T, when and/or if we get there.)
Now Arrowhead was rocking. What was a silent, funeral-like stadium three minutes earlier, now was as loud as any of us have ever heard it.
Cue the second T -- "The Turnover". Once again, "Dirty" Danny Sorenson made the play, forcing a fumble on the kickoff that was returned to the Texans six yard line by Darwin Thompson.
If Arrowhead was 142.2 decibels five years ago (and it was)? Then that return by Mr. Thompson amped up the noise to approximately 305.6 decibels. You couldn't think, it was so godd*mned loud after that turnover.
Three plays later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Travis Kelce for his second touchdown in less than a minute, and suddenly, the Chiefs were within three, at 24-21.
In less than four minutes and thirty seconds, the Chiefs have gone from down twenty four, to down three. They'd scored twenty one straight (soon to be forty eight), before the Texans could even attempt to strike back. For the first time, the Chiefs weren't the ones collapsing in a playoff game; they were causing the utter and total collapse.
For the first time in NFL history, a team trailed by twenty four in the first half, and led at halftime -- well, wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. Because the lead came via ...
--------------------
T3: The Touchdown.
After forcing a Texans punt to keep the game at 21-24, the Chiefs get the ball back with 2:47 to play in the first half.
As Richard A. Vermeil would note: "Offense? Gotta Go To Work!"
And go to work they did, as Mr. Mahomes moved the Chiefs seventy yards in less than two minutes, to set up a third and goal at the four yard line. Let me tell you, the realization that no matter what happened on that third down play, the realization that the Chiefs were, at worst, going to the locker room tied, after trailing by twenty four ten minutes earlier, was a gigantic relief.
But a tie isn't good enough for these guys. Because on that third down, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" skillfully, glidefully (is that even a word? I guess it now is), strategically, and successfully ran the length of the line of scrimmage, and while straddling said line, fired a semi-shovel pass / semi-prayer of a throw, inside of a barely open circle occupied by Travis Kelce, in the midst of four or five Texans defenders, to put the Chiefs up for good at 28-24.
The Chiefs went on to win 51-31. The last fifty minutes of the game, they outscored a damned good Texans team 51-7. A point every f*cking minute. (john davidson voice) That's incredible!
But the four best T's?
Were yet to come.
--------------------
T4: The Trot.
Probably not the best word to describe this play, but I needed a T, and I already used The Touchdown, so The Trot it is.
This, folks, is probably my favorite drive in Chiefs history, non-those people category. (As great as this drive was, it probably doesn't top Joe Montana shoving it down those people's throat on that magical Monday night twenty five October's ago.)
Because as even "The Voice of Reason" noted: this was one bat sh*t crazy drive.
It began with a Mecole Hardman fumble of the kickoff, which is always promising. Thankfully, the Chiefs recovered the punt, because they cheated via a holding call on the return, to set the Chiefs up inside their own fifteen with under two minutes to go in the half, trailing 14-17.
Three plays later, now near midfield, Patrick Mahomes "Of the Chiefs" fumbled the snap, somehow picked it up, and had the presence of mind to fire it in Tyreek Hill's general vicinity. Unfortunately, Mr. Hill caught the ball, ran for approximately seven hundred miles in reverse across the field and back, before running out of bounds for a loss of two.
Then, on the penultimate play of the drive, Mr. Mahomes threw a horrible pass into the corner of the west end zone where I sit (Section 132 holla!), that probably should have been picked off by the Titans. Thankfully, it wasn't.
Three incredible Joe Biden-esque gaffes inside of a minute ... yet somehow, there the Chiefs were, at the Titans twenty seven, with thirty seconds left, two time outs left.
For the second week in a row, the Chiefs had put themselves into position to at least tie the game at the half, despite trailing by large margins for most of said first half.
And for the second week in a row, a tie wasn't good enough for Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Because he took off on that second down, seeing no receivers were open, and somehow, some way, turned his, uuh, way, upfield, past the twenty, past the ten, staying in bounds by a couple blades of strategically manicured grass. He then darted inside to avoid a tackle, plowed through three Titan defenders, and collapsed into the end zone, to give the Chiefs a lead they would never relinquish.
As I noted earlier, I've heard Arrowhead explode with emotion many, many times in my life. I have never heard Arrowhead louder, than the moment Mr. Mahomes crossed that goal line in my end zone. And I mean NEVER! heard that sacred place explode with so much emotion at once.
It was almost as if every person there -- all 73,625 of my closest friends and myself -- knew, that was the ballgame. Knew that that run, had taken a sledgehammer and cracked whatever wall of defense the Titans had left. They weren't going to recover from that blow, and everybody knew it. The Chiefs were Super Bowl bound ... but not quite yet.
The ceiling I've waited forty some odd years to dance on?
Was about to collapse from the movement on it.
But not quite yet.
It took one more amazing Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" play, to seal an appointment to dance upside down ...
--------------------
T5: The Throw.
The score grid on the opening snap of the posted Youtube! video above sets the scene. The Chiefs are up eleven (or two scores) with half of the fourth quarter to go. They face a third and six at their own thirty five.
I venture a guess that nine out of ten teams in this spot -- up two scores, less than eight minutes away from the Super Bowl -- would probably call a conservative, uuh, call, in this spot. A draw play to Damien Williams, perhaps. Maybe a quick screen to Mr. Williams or Tyreek Hill. Maybe a safe slant-in to Travis Kelce. Something that might get you the first down, but more than anything else, at least keeps the clock moving for another forty seconds, before letting Dusty C get off a fifty plus yarder.
This, peoples and peepettes, is why I (and I suspect many of you) f*cking love "Fat" Andy Reid so much.
There's nothing conservative about the man, at all. (Well, probably his politics -- he is a devoutly religious man. But still, work with me here.)
Because on third and six, when conventional wisdom says play it safe, "Fat" Andy hauled out the most unsafe play call imaginable.
He went for the jugular, OJ Simpson style.
He aired it out.
And God bless our humble quarterback, this? This might be the defining throw of his career when said career is all said and done (which hopefully won't be for another two decades) ** . Because when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" dropped back, I grabbed my buddy Chase, who sits next to me, and shouted into his ear "this is it! It's over!"
Why could I make that proclamation?
Because every person in that stadium not on the Titans sidelines -- and probably every person on their sideline as well, to be honest -- saw what I did.
Sammy Watkins, streaking wide, wide open down the center of the field. No defender in position, let alone within sight, of the ability to cover or tackle Mr. Watkins. All Mr. Mahomes had to do was drop it in his hands, and the "holy sh*t, we're going to Miami!" celebration could begin in earnest.
Which is exactly what Mr. Mahomes did.
Ballgame.
(**: NFL Network's Peter Schrager (the biggest Chiefs homer this side of this site's Official Color Commentator Emeritus, the legendary Dan Dierdorf) rated this play number one on his list of Patrick Mahomes' ten best plays of his career, so far. I wouldn't rank it that high -- at best for me it's fourth ... hang on. Let's do this right. In the words of KC Star columnist Sam Mellinger: "a list? A list!" My five favorite Mahomies plays so far:
5: the bomb to Demarcus Robinson, Week Seventeen 2018 vs raiders, which was Mr. Mahomes' fiftieth touchdown of the season. It also is the exact same play as ...
4. the bomb to Sammy Watkins, AFC Title Game 2019 vs Titans. The exact same play. With the exact same result.
3. the left handed throw, Week Four 2018 at those people. I still don't believe what I saw.
2. 4th and 9 to Tyreek Hill, Week Fourteen 2018 vs Ravens. I honestly never thought I'd see a play from Mr. Mahomes top this one. As usual, I was wr ... wr ... wr ... absolutely incorrect.
1. The Trot, AFC Title Game 2019 vs Titans. I still have no idea how he did it. I'm just damned proud he did.
Anyways, back to whatever the hell I was talking about, before this sidebar ...)
I can assure you, the next seven minutes were nothing but one long, loud cheer. It just kept getting louder with every second that passed. The Throw left no doubt what the outcome of that game was going to be -- an outcome most people in that stadium (including myself) had never seen or experienced before. An outcome no team or fanbase is guaranteed, and that any Chiefs fan less than five decades old, had never known to be possible.
(Pause).
You're damned right I spent most of that eight minutes crying uncontrollably.
Because all of the previous five T's?
Led to the final two.
------------------
T6 and T7: The Trophy ... and The Travis Kelce.
I intentionally linked the Youtube! clip above, to start when Lamar's Trophy moved from Clark Hunt's hand, to "Fat" Andy's.
I mentioned two weeks ago, that I hate (and I still do), this idiotic notion in the media that the Chiefs -- specifically "Fat" Andy -- deserved this conference championship and/or Super Bowl. Because deserve is still not the right word.
Earned is.
"Fat" Andy earned this. You know it. I know it. The whole damned stadium, the whole damned fanbase, from Maine to Hawaii, from sea to shining sea, knows it.
And man, the look on his face when he accepts Lamar's Trophy ... sh*t, I was already crying uncontrollably. Now I was really crying uncontrollably.
Because after "Fat" Andy leads us in a quick "How 'Bout Those Chieeeeeeeeeeeefs!" cry for the ages, someone on the other side of the stadium started the chant for the ages. One simple word that needs no explanation. One simple word that some awesome, amazing, (jesse mccartney voice) beautiful soul shouted, then a second Chiefs fan shouted, then a third, a fourth, a fifth, and eventually seventy thousand plus (because nobody left that game early, other than Titans fans) shouted inside the stadium, as millions watching in their favorite bars and garages and man caves and random living rooms joined in as well.
"An-Dy!"
"An-Dy!"
"An-Dy!"
If you look closely at the clip above (and you have to, because it's only a fleeting moment), the camera momentarily closes in on Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", and the Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu, behind "Fat" Andy, shouting "An-Dy!" even louder than all of us were. That ... that is so godd*mned beautiful.
The final T though?
Might somehow trump the sixth.
Because as Jim Nantz was trying to wind the trophy presentation down, you knew, you just knew, these guys had one last moment of awesome greatness in them ... and you knew, you just knew, that moment of awesome greatness was going to come from Travis Kelce.
Who grabs the mic from Jim Nantz, and shouts the anthem that has defined the ending to so many Chiefs games over the last couple years.
"Hey! Kansas City! You gotta fight! For your right! To parrrrrrrrrrrtay!"
Damned skippy.
--------------------
"You gotta fight". No three words more perfectly describe the 2019 Chiefs.
Because nine weeks ago, the Red and Gold walked off the field in Nashville, suffering a crushing defeat that would have left most teams humiliated and deflated, that would have caused most teams' seasons to spiral out of control. Remember, this team sat at 6-4 after that defeat. The raiders had caught us in the standings; the "Super" Chargers could pull to within a game with a win the following week in Mexico (meaning both divisional rivals controlled their own destiny).
We still had to play four divisional games, plus roadies in Foxboro and Soldier Field (two places that are anything but easy to play in), with two decent squads nipping at heels like a pit bull devours a steak. Good Times!
Again, at least seven out of ten teams would have closed 2-4 to miss the playoffs entirely. (Kinda like the raiders did, hee hee.)
The Chiefs haven't lost since that afternoon nine weeks ago, and every week, the avalanche keeps building. Every week tops the previous one. Winning the Mexico game? Neat. Crushing the raiders in the de-facto AFC West Championship by nearly five touchdowns? Sweet. Scoring twenty three straight to win in Foxboro? Beautiful. Demolishing those people in the snow? Spectacular. Embarrassing the Bears in prime time? Phenomenal. Rallying to beat the Chargers in the regular season finale and steal the two seed and the bye away from New England? Ridiculous.
Overcoming a twenty four point first half deficit to lead at the, uuh, half, and never trail again, against the Texans? Incredible.
Overcoming multiple ten point deficits in the first half to lead at the, uuh, half, and never trail again, against the Titans? Indescribable.
And this eight game run comes after seeing Eric Fisher miss half the season, Tyreek Hill miss over a quarter of it, Frank Clark battle through a dangerous neck injury, Chris Jones tweak a hamstring before the biggest game of the season, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" dislocate his kneecap, Kendall Fuller miss five games with (al michaels voice) an arm, and the quarterback situation becoming so desperate thanks to Mr. Mahomes' issue and Chad Henne's season-ending injury in preseason, that the Chiefs turned to a high school football coach, to man the helm against two NFC teams that reached (respectively) the NFC Title Game and the NFC Divisional Round, before both were dispensed by the 49ers.
This season has been full of issues. Full of challenges that even the best of teams would fail to overcome. Full of injuries you wouldn't wish on the most hated of those people's players. (Note: this is an abject lie; I wish nothing short of brutal death and painful, ugly dismemberment upon everyone in that vile, evil, satanic organization.)
"You Gotta Fight!"
Whatever you may think of the 2019 Kansas City Chiefs? There can be no doubt amongst anyone with an IQ above that of a corpse frozen in solid ice -- they never quit. They always fight.
And now, one last fight remains. One last challenge, and it's the biggest one this franchise has faced in most of our lifetimes.
Which means there's only one thing left to do, a little over forty eight hours from now:
Exactly ...
Showing posts with label chiefs texans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chiefs texans. Show all posts
Friday, January 31, 2020
Saturday, January 11, 2020
the chiefs texans divisional pick ...
"I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something? I can believe in.
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon; I couldn't see it ...
Until I let go, and gave into love,
And watched all the bitterness burn.
Now I'm coming alive; body and soul!
Feeling my word start to turn!
So I'll taste every moment!
And live it out loud!
And know this is the time!
This is the time to be ...
More than a moment!
Or a face in the crowd!
I know this is the time!
This is the time of my life!!! ..."
-- "Time Of My Life" by David Cook ... who I really hope, is available to sing the National Anthem if needed at Arrowhead, come 2:05pm next Sunday ...
--------------------
* The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Four years ago, walking into NRG Reliant for the Chiefs / Texans Wild Card Game, I noted to my buddy Ryan that "if we (meaning, the Chiefs), if we can't win this game, then we're never going to win a playoff game". I made that statement, because two years earlier, as Ryan and I were standing in the beer line at halftime of the Chiefs / Colts Wild Card Game, I noted that "we've waited twenty (bleeping) years for this!"
Of course, two years ago, after the Chiefs blew an eighteen point lead to the Texans, I had to literally be carried out from everyone's favorite lounge, because apparently I consumed approximately fifteen shots after the defeat. (Note: I don't recall this ... so it was probably closer to twenty shots, but still.)
The Chiefs have playoff history against the AFC South. In "Fat" Andy's six playoff appearances, this will mark the fifth time the first game has been against a team from the South. (Only 2016, when the Chiefs opened against the Steelers, did we avoid a team from that division.)
And this season, the Chiefs went 1-3 against the AFC South, including 0-2 at Arrowhead.
On paper, this game terrifies me. I don't think it's possible to overstate what the loss of Juan Thornhill will mean to this team. (Simply put, it's devastating.) The Texans certainly won't be intimidated by the Chiefs, by Pat Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", or by us, the fans. They not only have already won at Arrowhead this year, they did so after trailing by two touchdowns entering the second quarter.
We know their game plan will be solid, their offense can easily put up thirty plus points, and they have the running game to do the one thing most teams that beat the Chiefs do flawlessly: hold onto the ball and grind down the clock via the ground game.
I also have been on record all week as noting that the line (Chiefs -9 1/2) is the most f*cking ridiculous point spread I may have ever seen involving the Chiefs. There is no way in hell this line is anything other than drunk, stoned, or both. It's at least five points too high. At least.
Having said all of that ...
--------------------
This game is going to finish one of two ways, in my (rarely) humble opinion. Either the Chiefs are going to comfortably win this game, or the Texans are going to steal this one as time expires. I don't see the Texans winning by three scores, and I don't see the Chiefs winning a close game. Either the Chiefs will win relatively easily, or the postseason run ends before it reaches Game Two.
If this were against any other team, or against any other quarterback, I'd confidently type "Chiefs 31, Texans 13" and move on. (I still have to dig New Tito out from the ice and snow, and get going to The Second Parents for dinner and the Titans / Ravens game.) Because to be honest, this game terrifies me.
But sometimes? Fear is one hell of a motivator. And I think it will be on Sunday for the Chiefs.
So I'm going to say * at Chiefs (-9 1/2) 41, Texans 21, in a game that probably won't even seem that close. And then, for only the third time in my life, we can properly respect a week every NFL team dreams of reaching every season: Conference Championship Week.
Enjoy the games everyone. But remember -- it's just a game. Have fun with them. I know I plan to ...
To turn into something? I can believe in.
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon; I couldn't see it ...
Until I let go, and gave into love,
And watched all the bitterness burn.
Now I'm coming alive; body and soul!
Feeling my word start to turn!
So I'll taste every moment!
And live it out loud!
And know this is the time!
This is the time to be ...
More than a moment!
Or a face in the crowd!
I know this is the time!
This is the time of my life!!! ..."
-- "Time Of My Life" by David Cook ... who I really hope, is available to sing the National Anthem if needed at Arrowhead, come 2:05pm next Sunday ...
--------------------
* The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Four years ago, walking into NRG Reliant for the Chiefs / Texans Wild Card Game, I noted to my buddy Ryan that "if we (meaning, the Chiefs), if we can't win this game, then we're never going to win a playoff game". I made that statement, because two years earlier, as Ryan and I were standing in the beer line at halftime of the Chiefs / Colts Wild Card Game, I noted that "we've waited twenty (bleeping) years for this!"
Of course, two years ago, after the Chiefs blew an eighteen point lead to the Texans, I had to literally be carried out from everyone's favorite lounge, because apparently I consumed approximately fifteen shots after the defeat. (Note: I don't recall this ... so it was probably closer to twenty shots, but still.)
The Chiefs have playoff history against the AFC South. In "Fat" Andy's six playoff appearances, this will mark the fifth time the first game has been against a team from the South. (Only 2016, when the Chiefs opened against the Steelers, did we avoid a team from that division.)
And this season, the Chiefs went 1-3 against the AFC South, including 0-2 at Arrowhead.
On paper, this game terrifies me. I don't think it's possible to overstate what the loss of Juan Thornhill will mean to this team. (Simply put, it's devastating.) The Texans certainly won't be intimidated by the Chiefs, by Pat Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", or by us, the fans. They not only have already won at Arrowhead this year, they did so after trailing by two touchdowns entering the second quarter.
We know their game plan will be solid, their offense can easily put up thirty plus points, and they have the running game to do the one thing most teams that beat the Chiefs do flawlessly: hold onto the ball and grind down the clock via the ground game.
I also have been on record all week as noting that the line (Chiefs -9 1/2) is the most f*cking ridiculous point spread I may have ever seen involving the Chiefs. There is no way in hell this line is anything other than drunk, stoned, or both. It's at least five points too high. At least.
Having said all of that ...
--------------------
This game is going to finish one of two ways, in my (rarely) humble opinion. Either the Chiefs are going to comfortably win this game, or the Texans are going to steal this one as time expires. I don't see the Texans winning by three scores, and I don't see the Chiefs winning a close game. Either the Chiefs will win relatively easily, or the postseason run ends before it reaches Game Two.
If this were against any other team, or against any other quarterback, I'd confidently type "Chiefs 31, Texans 13" and move on. (I still have to dig New Tito out from the ice and snow, and get going to The Second Parents for dinner and the Titans / Ravens game.) Because to be honest, this game terrifies me.
But sometimes? Fear is one hell of a motivator. And I think it will be on Sunday for the Chiefs.
So I'm going to say * at Chiefs (-9 1/2) 41, Texans 21, in a game that probably won't even seem that close. And then, for only the third time in my life, we can properly respect a week every NFL team dreams of reaching every season: Conference Championship Week.
Enjoy the games everyone. But remember -- it's just a game. Have fun with them. I know I plan to ...
Thursday, January 9, 2020
three days out
"My eyes are open wide;
And by the way?
I made it through the day.
I watched the world outside;
And by the way?
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's comet;
She waved, and said
Why're you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon
Disappeared?
Somewhere in the stratosphere!
Tell my mother!
Tell my father!
That I've done the best I can
To make them realize --
This is my life!
I hope they understand!
I'm not angry.
I'm just saying?
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance ...
-- "Second Chance" by Shinedown.
--------------------
Not many status updates to report today ... namely, none.
I had to work late, so I missed the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead at the JC Nichols Fountain. (Dammit.)
But, if you have a few spare dollars, someone I've bought a lot of Chiefs artwork off of, Chris Sembower, is this week's artist for the GameDay poster the Chiefs are selling, and it is spectacular:
If you've got a few spare bucks (namely, about thirty of them), feel free to send some his way, via the Chiefs Team Store.
And now, today's post: a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's rebounds, his second chances.
Which, on fifth glance?
Aren't as bad as the first four glances, made them look to me ...
--------------------
2013:
We're not off to a great start here. "Fat" Andy only won one rematch out of four, and it was against the lowly oakland raiders. Having said that ... the Chiefs had nothing to play for in Week Sixteen (vs Colts) or Week Seventeen (at "Super" Chargers), as those people had already clinched the division, and the "battle" for the six seed was so ugly the Chiefs were locked into the five seed in Week Fifteen. So losing the first round to Indy, and the rematch to the "Super" Chargers doesn't bother me at all. "Fat" Andy played those games right: you try to win, but play the backups and rest up for the game that counts.
But oh brother, that game that counted. Blowing a four touchdown second half lead. Suffering the second worst collapse in postseason history. (Only the Oilers blowing a thirty two point lead at Buffalo in the 1992 Wild Card Round is greater ... or worse, depending on your perspective.)
So through one season, "Fat" Andy is 1-3-0 in the first matchup, and 1-3-0 in the second, for a total of 2-6-0 in games that count as series. That ... to channel, well, me, back in the day: (stevo in college voice) that's no bueno.
2014:
The only series in 2014 were against the division, and although there was no way to know this five years ago ... this is the last time "Fat" Andy failed to win at least five divisional games (out of six) in a season. Truly, "Fat" Andy dominance over the AFC West is nothing short of incredible -- he started 5-7 against the division ... and has gone 27-3 since, for a total of 32-10 in seven seasons. When you're guaranteed five divisional wins? You not only will hold every tiebreaker, but you simply have to go 5-5 against the rest of the schedule, to get at least a wild card berth in all likelihood, and 7-3 against the rest of the schedule all but guarantees you the division and a bye. (This season, the Chiefs went 6-0 against the division, and 6-4 against everyone else ... to get to 12-4 and a bye, for the third time in four years. The only non-bye year? They did exactly what I said two sentences ago: went 5-1 against the division, and 5-5 against everyone else, to win the West at 10-6. Winning in the division is so f*cking important in the NFL, it cannot possibly be understated.)
The Week Twelve loss at oakland in 2014 is arguably the most crushing regular season defeat of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. (And by "arguably", I mean "unquestionably".) The loss not only gave the 0-10 raiders a victory, not only cost the Chiefs a wild card berth (although the Week One loss to a god awful Titans team, and the Week Sixteen loss in Pittsburgh, didn't help either), but after undergoing some X-Rays, Chiefs S Eric Berry was diagnosed with cancer in the aftermath of that debacle of a defeat. Just a total disaster of a game, that let to a total disaster of a finish (closing 2-4 after opening 7-3).
Through two seasons, "Fat" Andy is 2-5-0 in the first matchup, and 3-4-0 in the second, for a total of 5-9-0 in series. That's still (stevo in college voice) no bueno.
2015:
Now we're talking! The only defeat in the 2015 series matchups was the epic collapse in Week Two, when the Chiefs blew a seven point lead with three minutes to play to those people. (Note: this is the only other regular season game I'd consider as the worst of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. More for off the field sh*t than on it ... and given that collapse, that's saying something.) Every other game resulted in victory, including the game all of us hoped and prayed would end satan manning's career in Week Ten. (Sadly, it did not.)
Also, don't forget how tough those last three rematches were. The "Super" Chargers game was played in below freezing temperatures with a windchill well below zero. (Trust me: I was there. It was insanely cold.) The raiders went .500 that season, building towards their "breakthrough" in 2016, and were in the thick of the wild card race well into December. (The first matchup in oakland was between two 6-5 teams.) And whatever one may think of your 2015 Houston Texans (namely, they might be the worst division winner of the last five years), they still won the division, and the Chiefs hadn't won a playoff game anywhere in twenty two years when they stepped onto the field at NRG Reliant exactly five years ago today. Nothing was a given. The Chiefs earned everything they achieved that season.
Through three seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 5-6-0 in the first matchup, and 7-4-0 in the second, for a total of 12-10-0 in series matchups. That's better.
2016:
Six and oh against the division! Awesome.
Oh and two against the Steelers. One a complete "bend over, assume the position, and take it without the lube" ass-raping, the other a home playoff defeat without allowing a touchdown. Good Lord. What a missed opportunity 2016 was.
Through four seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 8-7-0 in the first matchup, and 10-5-0 in the second, for a total of 18-12-0 in series matchups. 60% ain't bad. It beats the 33% "Fat" Andy stood at, after season uno.
2017:
One of only two seasons (2014) that featured only divisional rematches. And frankly, when your only loss in the series matchups is because the raiders got not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, but nine -- NINE! -- f*cking tries from the goalline inside of ten seconds to play? I'm not going to complain about the defeat. I didn't then * , and I won't now.
Also, although some of us suspected it at the time ... that Week Seventeen win in the eighth layer of hell itself, will someday be looked upon as the moment the Chiefs fates changed forever. I know I'm right on this. And yes, it gives me sick, sadistic pleasure to know that the moment those people went from the benchmark to the used port-a-potty toilet paper of the division, occurred because of Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Through five seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 10-8-0 in the first matchup, and 13-5-0 in the second, for a series record of 23-13-0.
(*: this is an abject lie. I still complain about the "officiating" by Craig Wrolstad and his crew, in that game. And yes, the fact I know who officiated a random regular season three years ago frightens the hell out of me too.)
2018:
Hang on, let me check something.
(stevo looking back at his spreadsheet data ...)
Holy sh*t, Batman! 2018 is the ONLY season so far in which "Fat" Andy won the first matchup against a foe, and lost the second! (emf voice) That's unbelievable!
Of course, the two defeats to the Patriots stand out ... but given where both games stood at the half (9-24 in Foxboro, 0-14 at Arrowhead)? To lose on a field goal as time expired, and then in overtime (after having the game won, f*cking Dee Ford), I can almost live with it.
(Well, I can live with the first outcome. 2019 is all about one thing: erasing the shame, of the second one.)
Through six seasons, this puts "Fat" Andy at 13-9-0 in the first matchup, and 15-7-0 in the second, for a total of 28-16-0 in the series matchups, entering ...
2019:
And so, here we are. For the third time in four seasons, "Fat" Andy swept the division. And frankly, he didn't just "sweep" it, he dominated it. Winning by twenty four in fake mile high. Closing out the Real Black Hole by eighteen. Beating the "Super" Chargers comfortably enough in Mexico. And winning the three divisional home games by a total of fifty one points -- all by at least ten, and all save for the game against those people, by MORE than the Chiefs won the first matchup.
(And let's be fair here: winning by "only" twenty instead of twenty four, is not something to be upset about. Because we got to play in this!
So much fun! Image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
So entering Sunday, "Fat" Andy is 16-10-0 in the first matchup, and 18-7-0 in the second, for a total (again, entering Sunday) of 34-17-0 in series matchups, during his seven seasons here in Kansas City.
That ... well, as Vice President Biden noted in his 2008 Acceptance Speech ** : "Since I have never been called a man of few words". Neither have I sir.
But "Fat" Andy's rematch record?
Has left me speechless.
And no, I'm not referencing the highly underrated political comedy starring Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Ernie Hudson, Bonnie Bedelia (God, I miss "Parenthood") ... and the late, great Christopher Reeve, when I type "Speechless" ...
--------------------
(**: I irrationally love that man. I always will. And I will never make any apologies for it. Even if I'm #teampete at this point. And holy hell, we're less than four weeks away from #campaign2020! This ... is going to be awesome! Right down to a brokered convention that HRC will probably steal in Milwaukee in seven months! Love it, hate it, loathe it, despise it, vote for it, vote against it, vomit at the thought of doing either of those things -- the 2020 Democratic nomination process is going to be one epic dog / pony / puppy / rubber chicken show!)
--------------------
And so, here we are. Less than seventy hours out from one of the most anticipated playoff games I can remember. In the span of seventy hours here in Kansas City, our forecast has gone from mid-40s and sunny to below freezing with ice and six to ten inches of snow on the ground *** . We're going to have a playoff game featuring two quarterbacks who rarely if ever have seen snow prior to their arrival in the National ... Football League, let alone played in it. (Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is 2-0 in the snow, beating the Colts in last year's Divisional Round, and those people four weeks ago. I have no idea if Deshaun Watson has ever played in the snow ... but I would bet he hasn't.)
--------------------
(***: my favorite Tweet of today was from some dude (I think) from WGN in Chicago, who lamented that the NFL can't flip the Saturday and Sunday games, because if they could, we'd have snow games in both Kansas City and Green Bay. I couldn't agree more. If it's going to be miserably cold? At least let it snow! Because NOTHING sucks more than sunny, (somewhat) cloudless skies when it's negative thirteen out!)
Doubt me? Patriots at Chiefs, January 20, 2019:
So cold the godd*mned concrete is frozen.
Or Colts at Chiefs, January 12, 2019:
Yeah. Cold is always better when it's snowing. Image credit(s): me, via my iPhone X something.)
--------------------
Sunday's game is a rubber match for the Chiefs. As noted in the long-winded post above, "Fat" Andy is reasonably good at winning the second matchup, winning nearly 75% of them. (He's 18/25, or 72% entering Sunday ... and would rise to 19/26, or 73%, with a win. Or fall to 18/26, or 69%, with a loss. That's ... that's not a big move either way, actually.)
As also noted in the clipped spreadsheet above, the Chiefs are guaranteed, with a win, another rubber match -- either they will host the Titans (who beat the Chiefs in Nashville) or visit the Ravens (who we beat at Arrowhead).
And should the Chiefs emerge victorious from these next two -- versus Houston and TBD? They've got a 50/50 shot at a third rematch against either the Packers (who won at Arrowhead) or the Vikings (who lost at Arrowhead) ... or face a team they have played within the last sixteen months: the 49ers (who lost at Arrowhead) or Seahawks (who won at Century Link).
This league's teams are getting so cozy with each other, we might have to contemplate incest charges, by the time 2022 arrives.
--------------------
I entered this exercise worried about what the "series matchups" numbers would look like, especially after seeing the 2013 and 2014 results.
I emerge from it strangely and quietly confident about what is about to happen.
Because while there may be lies, damned lies, and statisticals?
#FactsDontLie
And the facts are this:
* "Fat" Andy is 18-3 after a bye in the regular season (5-2 in Kansas City).
* He is a more remarkable 5-1 in the postseason after a bye (1-1 in Kansas City).
6-3 in KC with an extra week to prepare. 18-7 in his second chance at an opponent in the same season, here in Kansas City, with Sunday (and hopefully next week) to pad the record even better.
I'll take my chances on Sunday. Because the odds are? The second chance is going to pay off.
May the goodbye from Philadelphia ... mean the greatest decision ever, regarding the second chance "Fat" Andy Reid has in front of him. Please, let this happen.
--------------------
Until tomorrow, once again:
And by the way?
I made it through the day.
I watched the world outside;
And by the way?
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's comet;
She waved, and said
Why're you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon
Disappeared?
Somewhere in the stratosphere!
Tell my mother!
Tell my father!
That I've done the best I can
To make them realize --
This is my life!
I hope they understand!
I'm not angry.
I'm just saying?
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance ...
-- "Second Chance" by Shinedown.
--------------------
Not many status updates to report today ... namely, none.
I had to work late, so I missed the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead at the JC Nichols Fountain. (Dammit.)
But, if you have a few spare dollars, someone I've bought a lot of Chiefs artwork off of, Chris Sembower, is this week's artist for the GameDay poster the Chiefs are selling, and it is spectacular:
If you've got a few spare bucks (namely, about thirty of them), feel free to send some his way, via the Chiefs Team Store.
And now, today's post: a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's rebounds, his second chances.
Which, on fifth glance?
Aren't as bad as the first four glances, made them look to me ...
--------------------
2013:
We're not off to a great start here. "Fat" Andy only won one rematch out of four, and it was against the lowly oakland raiders. Having said that ... the Chiefs had nothing to play for in Week Sixteen (vs Colts) or Week Seventeen (at "Super" Chargers), as those people had already clinched the division, and the "battle" for the six seed was so ugly the Chiefs were locked into the five seed in Week Fifteen. So losing the first round to Indy, and the rematch to the "Super" Chargers doesn't bother me at all. "Fat" Andy played those games right: you try to win, but play the backups and rest up for the game that counts.
But oh brother, that game that counted. Blowing a four touchdown second half lead. Suffering the second worst collapse in postseason history. (Only the Oilers blowing a thirty two point lead at Buffalo in the 1992 Wild Card Round is greater ... or worse, depending on your perspective.)
So through one season, "Fat" Andy is 1-3-0 in the first matchup, and 1-3-0 in the second, for a total of 2-6-0 in games that count as series. That ... to channel, well, me, back in the day: (stevo in college voice) that's no bueno.
2014:
The only series in 2014 were against the division, and although there was no way to know this five years ago ... this is the last time "Fat" Andy failed to win at least five divisional games (out of six) in a season. Truly, "Fat" Andy dominance over the AFC West is nothing short of incredible -- he started 5-7 against the division ... and has gone 27-3 since, for a total of 32-10 in seven seasons. When you're guaranteed five divisional wins? You not only will hold every tiebreaker, but you simply have to go 5-5 against the rest of the schedule, to get at least a wild card berth in all likelihood, and 7-3 against the rest of the schedule all but guarantees you the division and a bye. (This season, the Chiefs went 6-0 against the division, and 6-4 against everyone else ... to get to 12-4 and a bye, for the third time in four years. The only non-bye year? They did exactly what I said two sentences ago: went 5-1 against the division, and 5-5 against everyone else, to win the West at 10-6. Winning in the division is so f*cking important in the NFL, it cannot possibly be understated.)
The Week Twelve loss at oakland in 2014 is arguably the most crushing regular season defeat of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. (And by "arguably", I mean "unquestionably".) The loss not only gave the 0-10 raiders a victory, not only cost the Chiefs a wild card berth (although the Week One loss to a god awful Titans team, and the Week Sixteen loss in Pittsburgh, didn't help either), but after undergoing some X-Rays, Chiefs S Eric Berry was diagnosed with cancer in the aftermath of that debacle of a defeat. Just a total disaster of a game, that let to a total disaster of a finish (closing 2-4 after opening 7-3).
Through two seasons, "Fat" Andy is 2-5-0 in the first matchup, and 3-4-0 in the second, for a total of 5-9-0 in series. That's still (stevo in college voice) no bueno.
2015:
Now we're talking! The only defeat in the 2015 series matchups was the epic collapse in Week Two, when the Chiefs blew a seven point lead with three minutes to play to those people. (Note: this is the only other regular season game I'd consider as the worst of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. More for off the field sh*t than on it ... and given that collapse, that's saying something.) Every other game resulted in victory, including the game all of us hoped and prayed would end satan manning's career in Week Ten. (Sadly, it did not.)
Also, don't forget how tough those last three rematches were. The "Super" Chargers game was played in below freezing temperatures with a windchill well below zero. (Trust me: I was there. It was insanely cold.) The raiders went .500 that season, building towards their "breakthrough" in 2016, and were in the thick of the wild card race well into December. (The first matchup in oakland was between two 6-5 teams.) And whatever one may think of your 2015 Houston Texans (namely, they might be the worst division winner of the last five years), they still won the division, and the Chiefs hadn't won a playoff game anywhere in twenty two years when they stepped onto the field at NRG Reliant exactly five years ago today. Nothing was a given. The Chiefs earned everything they achieved that season.
Through three seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 5-6-0 in the first matchup, and 7-4-0 in the second, for a total of 12-10-0 in series matchups. That's better.
2016:
Six and oh against the division! Awesome.
Oh and two against the Steelers. One a complete "bend over, assume the position, and take it without the lube" ass-raping, the other a home playoff defeat without allowing a touchdown. Good Lord. What a missed opportunity 2016 was.
Through four seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 8-7-0 in the first matchup, and 10-5-0 in the second, for a total of 18-12-0 in series matchups. 60% ain't bad. It beats the 33% "Fat" Andy stood at, after season uno.
2017:
One of only two seasons (2014) that featured only divisional rematches. And frankly, when your only loss in the series matchups is because the raiders got not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, but nine -- NINE! -- f*cking tries from the goalline inside of ten seconds to play? I'm not going to complain about the defeat. I didn't then * , and I won't now.
Also, although some of us suspected it at the time ... that Week Seventeen win in the eighth layer of hell itself, will someday be looked upon as the moment the Chiefs fates changed forever. I know I'm right on this. And yes, it gives me sick, sadistic pleasure to know that the moment those people went from the benchmark to the used port-a-potty toilet paper of the division, occurred because of Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Through five seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 10-8-0 in the first matchup, and 13-5-0 in the second, for a series record of 23-13-0.
(*: this is an abject lie. I still complain about the "officiating" by Craig Wrolstad and his crew, in that game. And yes, the fact I know who officiated a random regular season three years ago frightens the hell out of me too.)
2018:
Hang on, let me check something.
(stevo looking back at his spreadsheet data ...)
Holy sh*t, Batman! 2018 is the ONLY season so far in which "Fat" Andy won the first matchup against a foe, and lost the second! (emf voice) That's unbelievable!
Of course, the two defeats to the Patriots stand out ... but given where both games stood at the half (9-24 in Foxboro, 0-14 at Arrowhead)? To lose on a field goal as time expired, and then in overtime (after having the game won, f*cking Dee Ford), I can almost live with it.
(Well, I can live with the first outcome. 2019 is all about one thing: erasing the shame, of the second one.)
Through six seasons, this puts "Fat" Andy at 13-9-0 in the first matchup, and 15-7-0 in the second, for a total of 28-16-0 in the series matchups, entering ...
2019:
And so, here we are. For the third time in four seasons, "Fat" Andy swept the division. And frankly, he didn't just "sweep" it, he dominated it. Winning by twenty four in fake mile high. Closing out the Real Black Hole by eighteen. Beating the "Super" Chargers comfortably enough in Mexico. And winning the three divisional home games by a total of fifty one points -- all by at least ten, and all save for the game against those people, by MORE than the Chiefs won the first matchup.
(And let's be fair here: winning by "only" twenty instead of twenty four, is not something to be upset about. Because we got to play in this!
So much fun! Image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
So entering Sunday, "Fat" Andy is 16-10-0 in the first matchup, and 18-7-0 in the second, for a total (again, entering Sunday) of 34-17-0 in series matchups, during his seven seasons here in Kansas City.
That ... well, as Vice President Biden noted in his 2008 Acceptance Speech ** : "Since I have never been called a man of few words". Neither have I sir.
But "Fat" Andy's rematch record?
Has left me speechless.
And no, I'm not referencing the highly underrated political comedy starring Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Ernie Hudson, Bonnie Bedelia (God, I miss "Parenthood") ... and the late, great Christopher Reeve, when I type "Speechless" ...
--------------------
(**: I irrationally love that man. I always will. And I will never make any apologies for it. Even if I'm #teampete at this point. And holy hell, we're less than four weeks away from #campaign2020! This ... is going to be awesome! Right down to a brokered convention that HRC will probably steal in Milwaukee in seven months! Love it, hate it, loathe it, despise it, vote for it, vote against it, vomit at the thought of doing either of those things -- the 2020 Democratic nomination process is going to be one epic dog / pony / puppy / rubber chicken show!)
--------------------
And so, here we are. Less than seventy hours out from one of the most anticipated playoff games I can remember. In the span of seventy hours here in Kansas City, our forecast has gone from mid-40s and sunny to below freezing with ice and six to ten inches of snow on the ground *** . We're going to have a playoff game featuring two quarterbacks who rarely if ever have seen snow prior to their arrival in the National ... Football League, let alone played in it. (Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is 2-0 in the snow, beating the Colts in last year's Divisional Round, and those people four weeks ago. I have no idea if Deshaun Watson has ever played in the snow ... but I would bet he hasn't.)
--------------------
(***: my favorite Tweet of today was from some dude (I think) from WGN in Chicago, who lamented that the NFL can't flip the Saturday and Sunday games, because if they could, we'd have snow games in both Kansas City and Green Bay. I couldn't agree more. If it's going to be miserably cold? At least let it snow! Because NOTHING sucks more than sunny, (somewhat) cloudless skies when it's negative thirteen out!)
Doubt me? Patriots at Chiefs, January 20, 2019:
So cold the godd*mned concrete is frozen.
Or Colts at Chiefs, January 12, 2019:
Yeah. Cold is always better when it's snowing. Image credit(s): me, via my iPhone X something.)
--------------------
Sunday's game is a rubber match for the Chiefs. As noted in the long-winded post above, "Fat" Andy is reasonably good at winning the second matchup, winning nearly 75% of them. (He's 18/25, or 72% entering Sunday ... and would rise to 19/26, or 73%, with a win. Or fall to 18/26, or 69%, with a loss. That's ... that's not a big move either way, actually.)
As also noted in the clipped spreadsheet above, the Chiefs are guaranteed, with a win, another rubber match -- either they will host the Titans (who beat the Chiefs in Nashville) or visit the Ravens (who we beat at Arrowhead).
And should the Chiefs emerge victorious from these next two -- versus Houston and TBD? They've got a 50/50 shot at a third rematch against either the Packers (who won at Arrowhead) or the Vikings (who lost at Arrowhead) ... or face a team they have played within the last sixteen months: the 49ers (who lost at Arrowhead) or Seahawks (who won at Century Link).
This league's teams are getting so cozy with each other, we might have to contemplate incest charges, by the time 2022 arrives.
--------------------
I entered this exercise worried about what the "series matchups" numbers would look like, especially after seeing the 2013 and 2014 results.
I emerge from it strangely and quietly confident about what is about to happen.
Because while there may be lies, damned lies, and statisticals?
#FactsDontLie
And the facts are this:
* "Fat" Andy is 18-3 after a bye in the regular season (5-2 in Kansas City).
* He is a more remarkable 5-1 in the postseason after a bye (1-1 in Kansas City).
6-3 in KC with an extra week to prepare. 18-7 in his second chance at an opponent in the same season, here in Kansas City, with Sunday (and hopefully next week) to pad the record even better.
I'll take my chances on Sunday. Because the odds are? The second chance is going to pay off.
May the goodbye from Philadelphia ... mean the greatest decision ever, regarding the second chance "Fat" Andy Reid has in front of him. Please, let this happen.
--------------------
Until tomorrow, once again:
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
four days out
"You're the whisper of a summer breeze;
You're the kiss that puts my soul? At ease!
What I'm saying is? I'm into you!
Here's my story, and the story goes --
You give love? You'll get love!
And more than heaven knows!
You're gonna see!
I'm gonna run, I'm gonna try!
I'm gonna take this love right to ya!
All my heart!
All the joy!
Oh baby, baby please!
(Rush! Rush!)
Hurry, hurry lover come to me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I wanna see, I wanna see ya get free with me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I can feel it! I can feel you all through me!
(Rush! Rush!)
Ooh! What you do to me! ..."
-- "Rush Rush" by (Simon Cowell voice) Pauler Abdul. And yes, that is THE Keanu Reeves, as her "rush rush" lover in the music video. (Pause). Yes. Yes. If you put a gun to my head? 1989-1991 is the greatest three years in music history ...
--------------------
(Some) Wednesday Updates!
(And that's all y'all get tonight; my day at work did not go as planned.)
* The Chiefs STM Email arrived about 11am today!
So ... the Chiefs are allegedly giving us only five hours to properly prepare for warfare ... and that's more like four, since we'll break down and head in by 1pm. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're godd*mned right I'm calling bullsh*t on that!
Those gates will be flung wide open by 8am at the latest. Because we'll back Gates Six and Seven out onto Stadium Drive by 7:30am at the latest.
(Note: I have an email in to my "highly placed source who speaks only on the condition of anonymity", the awesome "Rufus" (again, why do I use ""'s around his actual name?), anyways, I've asked "Rufus" what he thinks of this email sent today. For the record, he has never mislead me on Gate Six's opening time. Based on past precedent? I'd set the over/under at 7:45am, and bet the under.)
* At least they're not giving out a towel. As my good tailgating buddy Ryan points out, we're 0 for forever, when handing out towels, entering a playoff game. (The first 50,000 get a flag on Sunday. La de f*cking dah; I have more Chiefs flags hanging in my office than pictures of my family ... and that's not a good thing, I think. On the other hand ... I have the towel from 2016, both towels from 2017, and the towel from 2018 -- to say nothing of the towel from January 4, 1998 -- hanging on each shelf in memoriam of the season I absorbed said towel. Yes, each season ended, with said towel give-away. So ... go flag?)
* On the other hand, I'm bring this bastardo out on Sunday, as my John Thompson / Jerry Tarkanian Memorial "Bite the F*ck Out Of It" Stress Towel:
(From the playoff game in Houston (mike gundy voice) four! years ago. Image credit: me, via my iPhone whatever the hell it was, (mike gundy voice) four! years ago.)
* Have to give a shout-out to my good friend Cindy, who managed to replace my Second Mom's floor mats in her Tahoe over the weekend, and said Mom didn't notice until this morning, when she texted me and asked "who the hell put the Chiefs mats in this thing? I love them!" Sadly, it wasn't my doing ... but kudos to people smarter than me.
* Travel Updates: "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and wherever the hell Pat fits in, arrive late Friday.
Mahomies (most of them -- Chance lives here in the metro) arrives midday Saturday.
We'll all be in line at Gate Six, by 7:30am at the latest.
* Bus Update: we've all seen the weather forecast for the next few days. It ain't pretty. (For those not in KC at this moment? Rain and mid 50s Thursday. Rain and mid 30s Friday. Snow and mid 20s Sunday. Somehow? 40 and sunny at kickoff Sunday. As the artist formerly known as "the champ" would note? "That's doable!")
So we're making our beer and liquor run tomorrow, loading the coolers tomorrow night (since it'll be below freezing from mid-day Friday until sometime Sunday morning), then turning that bastardo around, putting a tarp over the windshield, and will be ready to roll at 7am Sunday.
* The Menu has stayed the same. Other than Mahomies checked in via Coltin, and emphasized that there will be authentic chorizo in the breakfast burrito mix. (Pause). Should I employ a Peter Griffin voice to state the obvious? (Pause). Yeah, I probably shouldn't have.
Anyways, there you go.
* The Chiefs Jerseys went on the Founders in, uuh, Founders Plaza, this afternoon. (43rd and Broadway, for the clueless.)
Mahomes, Kelce, Mathieu. 15, 87, 32. Lather, rinse, repeat. Kudos to Bunker (or whoever provided them; it's usually Bunker); it makes the drive in tomorrow, and Friday, and hopefully all next week? Look so much classier.
Also, tomorrow, there are flags and jerseys to be hoisted along the north shore of Ward Parkway, and along 47th Street on The Plaza ... and the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at the JC Nichols Fountain from 2-5pm CT tomorrow.
(Or, as my brother would note -- given we took his wedding party pics at that park and fountain almost fifteen years ago: "they finally cleaned up after us!" #truth)
--------------------
* Finally tonight, aquick personal note.
(Note: if you are offended by personal take onyour right to kill your kid abortion? Check out now.)
Tomorrow, my mom turns seventy.
And tomorrow, marks the 43rd anniversary, of her taking me home, for the first time.
(That would be Sunday, January 9, 1977, for the calendar challenged.)
I drive by the place I was born many Monday's (January 3, 1977, at 10:58pm CT, according to my birth certificate) ago (St. Luke's on The Plaza or Westport, whichever you prefer) twice a day ...
... (mike gundy voice) four! times a day, if I head home for lunch.
So I just want to say, to the greatest person I will ever know ... Happy YOU Day, Mom.
You have tolerated far, far more out of me than any sane and/or reasonable person ever should. I have failed you more times than I can recall or recount. (Cue all of you saying the same response as Mom: "no sh*t, Sherlock!")
I am for most days out of the year, the definition of "a Spring Break Mistake gone horribly wrong!"
I wish I wasn't ... but I am.
And yet? Here we are.
I can never express in words, how much I love you. And that, is the greatest compliment I think I could ever pay you: I don't know HOW to express, what I think of you ... and what you mean to me.
For some strange and undefinable (if not indefensible) reason, you have never once failed to have my back, no matter how much of a f*ck up and failure, I have been.
That, is beyond awesome.
But mostly?
I am so effing thankful, you chose to not make me a Planned Parenthood statistical, because of that "Spring Break Gone Horribly Wrong".
(Note: the words in quotes, are a running gag between me and Mom. #whyyoudontpullthegoalie)
The world can never deny one fact about me.
You chose to have me.
Everyone reading this may question your wisdom of that decision (and to be fair, it's a, uuh, fair question)... but I never will.
Because you CHOSE to have me.
All of us drawing breath?
Owe our mothers an undying debt of gratitude, that we are here, and have survived the modern-day Holocaust that is Roe v Wade.
Thank you Mom, for choosing me, over yourself. Thank you -- truly, thank you! -- for caring more about this "squatter invading your space slightly above the sexual Mason-Dixon Line", over the convenient "nah, I'll pass on this one" option, that youhad still have the right to choose.
("maude" voice) God will (definitely reward) you for that.
I may not be certain of much ... but I am, of that.
--------------------
Oh, and until tomorrow one more time:
You're the kiss that puts my soul? At ease!
What I'm saying is? I'm into you!
Here's my story, and the story goes --
You give love? You'll get love!
And more than heaven knows!
You're gonna see!
I'm gonna run, I'm gonna try!
I'm gonna take this love right to ya!
All my heart!
All the joy!
Oh baby, baby please!
(Rush! Rush!)
Hurry, hurry lover come to me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I wanna see, I wanna see ya get free with me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I can feel it! I can feel you all through me!
(Rush! Rush!)
Ooh! What you do to me! ..."
-- "Rush Rush" by (Simon Cowell voice) Pauler Abdul. And yes, that is THE Keanu Reeves, as her "rush rush" lover in the music video. (Pause). Yes. Yes. If you put a gun to my head? 1989-1991 is the greatest three years in music history ...
--------------------
(Some) Wednesday Updates!
(And that's all y'all get tonight; my day at work did not go as planned.)
* The Chiefs STM Email arrived about 11am today!
So ... the Chiefs are allegedly giving us only five hours to properly prepare for warfare ... and that's more like four, since we'll break down and head in by 1pm. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're godd*mned right I'm calling bullsh*t on that!
Those gates will be flung wide open by 8am at the latest. Because we'll back Gates Six and Seven out onto Stadium Drive by 7:30am at the latest.
(Note: I have an email in to my "highly placed source who speaks only on the condition of anonymity", the awesome "Rufus" (again, why do I use ""'s around his actual name?), anyways, I've asked "Rufus" what he thinks of this email sent today. For the record, he has never mislead me on Gate Six's opening time. Based on past precedent? I'd set the over/under at 7:45am, and bet the under.)
* At least they're not giving out a towel. As my good tailgating buddy Ryan points out, we're 0 for forever, when handing out towels, entering a playoff game. (The first 50,000 get a flag on Sunday. La de f*cking dah; I have more Chiefs flags hanging in my office than pictures of my family ... and that's not a good thing, I think. On the other hand ... I have the towel from 2016, both towels from 2017, and the towel from 2018 -- to say nothing of the towel from January 4, 1998 -- hanging on each shelf in memoriam of the season I absorbed said towel. Yes, each season ended, with said towel give-away. So ... go flag?)
* On the other hand, I'm bring this bastardo out on Sunday, as my John Thompson / Jerry Tarkanian Memorial "Bite the F*ck Out Of It" Stress Towel:
(From the playoff game in Houston (mike gundy voice) four! years ago. Image credit: me, via my iPhone whatever the hell it was, (mike gundy voice) four! years ago.)
* Have to give a shout-out to my good friend Cindy, who managed to replace my Second Mom's floor mats in her Tahoe over the weekend, and said Mom didn't notice until this morning, when she texted me and asked "who the hell put the Chiefs mats in this thing? I love them!" Sadly, it wasn't my doing ... but kudos to people smarter than me.
* Travel Updates: "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and wherever the hell Pat fits in, arrive late Friday.
Mahomies (most of them -- Chance lives here in the metro) arrives midday Saturday.
We'll all be in line at Gate Six, by 7:30am at the latest.
* Bus Update: we've all seen the weather forecast for the next few days. It ain't pretty. (For those not in KC at this moment? Rain and mid 50s Thursday. Rain and mid 30s Friday. Snow and mid 20s Sunday. Somehow? 40 and sunny at kickoff Sunday. As the artist formerly known as "the champ" would note? "That's doable!")
So we're making our beer and liquor run tomorrow, loading the coolers tomorrow night (since it'll be below freezing from mid-day Friday until sometime Sunday morning), then turning that bastardo around, putting a tarp over the windshield, and will be ready to roll at 7am Sunday.
* The Menu has stayed the same. Other than Mahomies checked in via Coltin, and emphasized that there will be authentic chorizo in the breakfast burrito mix. (Pause). Should I employ a Peter Griffin voice to state the obvious? (Pause). Yeah, I probably shouldn't have.
Anyways, there you go.
* The Chiefs Jerseys went on the Founders in, uuh, Founders Plaza, this afternoon. (43rd and Broadway, for the clueless.)
Mahomes, Kelce, Mathieu. 15, 87, 32. Lather, rinse, repeat. Kudos to Bunker (or whoever provided them; it's usually Bunker); it makes the drive in tomorrow, and Friday, and hopefully all next week? Look so much classier.
Also, tomorrow, there are flags and jerseys to be hoisted along the north shore of Ward Parkway, and along 47th Street on The Plaza ... and the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at the JC Nichols Fountain from 2-5pm CT tomorrow.
(Or, as my brother would note -- given we took his wedding party pics at that park and fountain almost fifteen years ago: "they finally cleaned up after us!" #truth)
--------------------
* Finally tonight, a
(Note: if you are offended by personal take on
Tomorrow, my mom turns seventy.
And tomorrow, marks the 43rd anniversary, of her taking me home, for the first time.
(That would be Sunday, January 9, 1977, for the calendar challenged.)
I drive by the place I was born many Monday's (January 3, 1977, at 10:58pm CT, according to my birth certificate) ago (St. Luke's on The Plaza or Westport, whichever you prefer) twice a day ...
... (mike gundy voice) four! times a day, if I head home for lunch.
So I just want to say, to the greatest person I will ever know ... Happy YOU Day, Mom.
You have tolerated far, far more out of me than any sane and/or reasonable person ever should. I have failed you more times than I can recall or recount. (Cue all of you saying the same response as Mom: "no sh*t, Sherlock!")
I am for most days out of the year, the definition of "a Spring Break Mistake gone horribly wrong!"
I wish I wasn't ... but I am.
And yet? Here we are.
I can never express in words, how much I love you. And that, is the greatest compliment I think I could ever pay you: I don't know HOW to express, what I think of you ... and what you mean to me.
For some strange and undefinable (if not indefensible) reason, you have never once failed to have my back, no matter how much of a f*ck up and failure, I have been.
That, is beyond awesome.
But mostly?
I am so effing thankful, you chose to not make me a Planned Parenthood statistical, because of that "Spring Break Gone Horribly Wrong".
(Note: the words in quotes, are a running gag between me and Mom. #whyyoudontpullthegoalie)
The world can never deny one fact about me.
You chose to have me.
Everyone reading this may question your wisdom of that decision (and to be fair, it's a, uuh, fair question)... but I never will.
Because you CHOSE to have me.
All of us drawing breath?
Owe our mothers an undying debt of gratitude, that we are here, and have survived the modern-day Holocaust that is Roe v Wade.
Thank you Mom, for choosing me, over yourself. Thank you -- truly, thank you! -- for caring more about this "squatter invading your space slightly above the sexual Mason-Dixon Line", over the convenient "nah, I'll pass on this one" option, that you
("maude" voice) God will (definitely reward) you for that.
I may not be certain of much ... but I am, of that.
--------------------
Oh, and until tomorrow one more time:
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
five days out
"Tell me what you really like;
Baby? I can take my time!
We don't ever have to fight --
Just take it step by step!
I can see it in your eyes,
'Cause they never tell me lies.
I can feel that body shake,
And the heat between your legs!
You've been scared of love,
And what it did to you.
You don't have to run;
I know what you've been through!
Just a simple touch,
And it can set you free.
We don't have to rush?
When you're alone with me!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe! ..."
-- "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd. Oh hell yes, it's coming! It's so coming, come 2pm Central Time Sunday afternoon ...
--------------------
The Chiefs and the Texans have met eleven prior times in their respective franchises' histories -- which given that the Texansaren't are barely old enough to vote yet * , and that the two teams do not share a common division, is quite impressive, actually.
The teams have split five apiece in the regular season, and the Chiefs have won the only playoff game up until Sunday (2015 Wild Card). The Chiefs have a winning record at NRG Reliant (4-3-0 regular season; 1-0-0 postseason); the Texans have a winning record at Arrowhead (2-1-0 regular season, including Week Six of this season).
Here is a handy dandy spreadsheet detailing the eleven prior matchups, and other (possibly) relevant information about those matchups:
So, after a few quick updates as to where things stand for Sunday, here is one (not even remotely) talented blogger's opinion, on how these eleven matchups rank, worst to first.
--------------------
(*: I was going to say "old enough to buy cigarettes" ... but thanks to this ridiculous raise of the legal age to twenty one, they aren't. Seriously, if you can't figure out putting something that is literally ON FIRE in your mouth is probably not good for you? (Pause). On second thought, this is probably a good thing.)
--------------------
Tuesday Updates:
* Still no STM Email Update from "de Los Jefes". Hopefully tomorrow we'll get some logisticals out of these people. It's hard to inform people of a departure time when you don't know your arrival time.
* So Wornall is closed (headed south anyways) at 59th Street, and you have to either turn right to Ward Parkway, or east to Brookside Boulevard, to get through to 63rd Street. I know, I know -- road construction in my part of town. Nothing new. After all, I post the "Stevo Neighborhood Update" section of the picks post every week to b*tch about the construction in my part of town.
Having said that ... I dropped a few naughty words ** , and turned left, then right onto Brookside Boulevard. And folks, let me tell you, that four, five block stretch, from 59th to Meyer? Damned near every house has a Chiefs flag flying from it. One house had yellow and red flowers all along the walkway -- and remember, it's January 7th in Kansas City! Those bad boys had to be bought and paid for, to have a bloom, let alone life, at this time of the year!
Such a cool commute.
Also, the pedestrian walkway over Brush Creek in front of the Raphael is lined with nothing but Chiefs flags, "The Mural" on the south wall of The Ale House looks glorious in the early morning sunlight, and oh yeah -- the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at JC Nichols Fountain from 2pm-5pm CT on Thursday.
This city is damned near ready!
Now we just gotta get the folks at Bunker to loan a few jerseys to Founders Plaza like they usually do for the big games. Those three fellas look naked without the Mahomes, Kelce, and Mathieu jerseys on them ...
* The menu has been decided! I think. And in true Stevo-style, we are compromising to make everyone happy enough to show up.
The "main course" Texan Tenderloin, that you can make sandwiches with, or eat as a primary dish on its' own, or use as a garnish for your Bloody Mary, whatever's clever -- we don't judge.
We'll also have a pot of either chili or taco soup, whichever one I feel like making Saturday afternoon, for those who think 40 at kickoff is "too cold". (Hint: wager on taco soup.)
For the folks who desire to do breakfast, Mahomies is filling that void via breakfast burritos made to order.
And the Springfield folks are handling side items, dips, and desserts.
So there's your menu a hundred some hours out.
(Yo, Democrat National Committee! When you have a brokered convention in six months? I'm your man to settle the debate!)
* Also, Harry's apparently has a massive sale on craft and upper-echelon domestic beers. The Second Mom and I are making a (todd snyder voice) B Double E Double R U N Beer Run! Beer Run!, tomorrow after work. I have a sneaky suspicion there's gonna be some Shiner Bock in my cooler (jimmy buffett voice) Come Sunday.
And ... that's all I've got.
On to the list!
--------------------
(**: specifically, I dropped my new favorite phrase, loudly: "son of a c*nt!", then pounded the steering wheel. I had the roof open and the windows down on New Tito today (hey, it nearly hit 60 here today in the sun!). The lady next to me at the stoplight, actually busted up laughing, hearing that phrase. Whew. I was scared she'd think I was referring to her, and chuck her Claw-in-a-discreet-cup at me.)
--------------------
I should note up front, looking at this, I only see three of these eleven I did not attend in person ... I think. I know I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2005 (I could afford one of those back to back roadies (with two home games in between), Dallas or Houston, and I opted for Dallas), and I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2017 (I had just started my current job three weeks earlier, and couldn't take the PTO).
I'm also reasonably sure I was not there in 2003. Although, you know, a decade of toking and imbibing tends to kill otherwise healthy brain cells.
The other eight I know I was in attendance for ... with nine upcoming on Sunday, and ten upcoming at NRG Reliant next fall (the Chiefs will play at Houston in the 2020 season).
Anyways, here's how I rank the eleven matchups so far ... and it's a safe bet, a hundred hours out, that Sunday will probably fall into the top three, by the time the game is over ...
11. Texans 24, at Chiefs 21, Week Three 2004.
No recap -- sh*t, this game was back when I was sending out the recaps on company email. (Good Times! *** ) For personal reasons, this one will probably always rank dead last in any Chiefs / Texans game list countdown. This was the last home game for Chiefs Football as I knew it growing up, and into my post-college years. It seems impossible to believe this was over fifteen years ago now.
(***: as always, I can make any post porn-friendly ... or "greatest sitcom of all time" friendly.)
The only game that even comes close on the sh*t-o-meter?
10. at Texans 20, Chiefs 3, Week One 2007.
There's a recap for this one! It was worse than you remember. It was worse than I remember. It was worse than anyone you can think of, can remember. For like five brief minutes, we had a reason to believe. Then Justin Medlock blew a twenty something yard field goal, Matt Schaub completed a few quality passes, and the next thing you knew, Clay Walker was informing us that he "knows what love is; what's it to you?" during his halftime performance, and after one of the most uninspired performances on the field by the Red and Gold I've ever had the misfortune to pay to witness, we emerged from NRG Reliant to a 93 degree afternoon ... and a monsoon. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well hell yes, that was the best part of the day! You ever stand outside in the rain when it's hot as hell outside? It's refreshing! Why the hell do you think seeing Ben Harper on a 95 degree rainy evening back in 2006 ranks as one of my three or four favorite concerts ever, Ms. Non-Existent Editor Dudette?
9. at Texans 19, Chiefs 12, Week Two 2016.
This game was eight layers of awful on both sides. But perhaps it's best remembered as Tyreek Hill's coming out party: he took a punt to the house for what would have been the tying score, only an extremely shady and questionable holding call negated the play. (What is it with the 2016 season and "extremely shady and questionable holding calls negating the play", uuh, playing such a huge role on the season's final outcome? Damn!) Anyways, I'll trade a Week Two loss for the career Tyreek has had. And I guarantee you every other Chiefs fan would as well.
8. at Texans 35, Chiefs 31, Week Six 2010.
I remember it rained the whole drive home, and I caught the flu and was in bed for a week. I also remember the Chiefs led by two scores with four minutes to go, and somehow lost.
(peter griffin voice) I've had better days, Lois. I've had better days.
7. Chiefs 27, at Texans 20, Week One 2015.
The first defensive play was a Marcus Peters INT. Travis Kelce had two early touchdowns. And yet, there stood Ryan Mallett, almost with a shot to tie the game. I really believed 2015 -- and in the moment, that game -- was going to prove me right about Ryan Mallett. Instead? You guessed it. I'm a f*cking idiot.
6. Chiefs 45, at Texans 17, Week Eleven 2005.
LJ had over two hundred yards. The easy win set up two of the best home games of the century so far (26-16 over the Patriots; 31-27 over those people), and vaulted the Chiefs back into AFC West and AFC Wild Card contention.
(They'd fall one game short of either entry way, into the playoffs.)
5. Chiefs 42, at Texans 14, Week Three 2003.
All three units scored in this one for the Chiefs. That's a complete team victory.
4. Texans 31, at Chiefs 24, Week Six 2019.
I hate ranking a defeat this high, especially one where the Chiefs led 17-3 after the first quarter, especially one that occurred less than three months ago, and really especially one where the rematch will occur in less than one hundred hours. And yet, here we are.
Because Deshaun Watson was that awesome, in the second half.
3. Chiefs 42, at Texans 34, Week Five 2017.
Arguably the best game of "Sir" Alex Smith's Chiefs career. Given my respect for that man, that's saying a lot out of me.
2. at Chiefs 17, Texans 16, Week Seven 2013.
I still stand behind every damned word of this post. Even if, in hindsight, this was one royally "f*cked up eight ways from Sunday" weekend personally.
1. Chiefs 30, at Texans 0, AFC Wild Card 2015.
Ditto. Except without the bat sh*t crazy personal stuff.
--------------------
Coming tomorrow (hopefully): a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's (shalamar voice) "second time around" against opponents in the same season. (Note: not as good as I thought it would be ...)
And also, please keep my neighbor Joe in your thoughts and prayers. I have to attend his brother, my other neighbor to the south, I have to attend his funeral tomorrow. John passed away of cancer last Thursday. He moved in two years ago to take care of Joe, who is also dying of cancer. It will not be a happy day in South Waldo, I can assure you of that.
--------------------
Until tomorrow:
Baby? I can take my time!
We don't ever have to fight --
Just take it step by step!
I can see it in your eyes,
'Cause they never tell me lies.
I can feel that body shake,
And the heat between your legs!
You've been scared of love,
And what it did to you.
You don't have to run;
I know what you've been through!
Just a simple touch,
And it can set you free.
We don't have to rush?
When you're alone with me!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe! ..."
-- "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd. Oh hell yes, it's coming! It's so coming, come 2pm Central Time Sunday afternoon ...
--------------------
The Chiefs and the Texans have met eleven prior times in their respective franchises' histories -- which given that the Texans
The teams have split five apiece in the regular season, and the Chiefs have won the only playoff game up until Sunday (2015 Wild Card). The Chiefs have a winning record at NRG Reliant (4-3-0 regular season; 1-0-0 postseason); the Texans have a winning record at Arrowhead (2-1-0 regular season, including Week Six of this season).
Here is a handy dandy spreadsheet detailing the eleven prior matchups, and other (possibly) relevant information about those matchups:
So, after a few quick updates as to where things stand for Sunday, here is one (not even remotely) talented blogger's opinion, on how these eleven matchups rank, worst to first.
--------------------
(*: I was going to say "old enough to buy cigarettes" ... but thanks to this ridiculous raise of the legal age to twenty one, they aren't. Seriously, if you can't figure out putting something that is literally ON FIRE in your mouth is probably not good for you? (Pause). On second thought, this is probably a good thing.)
--------------------
Tuesday Updates:
* Still no STM Email Update from "de Los Jefes". Hopefully tomorrow we'll get some logisticals out of these people. It's hard to inform people of a departure time when you don't know your arrival time.
* So Wornall is closed (headed south anyways) at 59th Street, and you have to either turn right to Ward Parkway, or east to Brookside Boulevard, to get through to 63rd Street. I know, I know -- road construction in my part of town. Nothing new. After all, I post the "Stevo Neighborhood Update" section of the picks post every week to b*tch about the construction in my part of town.
Having said that ... I dropped a few naughty words ** , and turned left, then right onto Brookside Boulevard. And folks, let me tell you, that four, five block stretch, from 59th to Meyer? Damned near every house has a Chiefs flag flying from it. One house had yellow and red flowers all along the walkway -- and remember, it's January 7th in Kansas City! Those bad boys had to be bought and paid for, to have a bloom, let alone life, at this time of the year!
Such a cool commute.
Also, the pedestrian walkway over Brush Creek in front of the Raphael is lined with nothing but Chiefs flags, "The Mural" on the south wall of The Ale House looks glorious in the early morning sunlight, and oh yeah -- the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at JC Nichols Fountain from 2pm-5pm CT on Thursday.
This city is damned near ready!
Now we just gotta get the folks at Bunker to loan a few jerseys to Founders Plaza like they usually do for the big games. Those three fellas look naked without the Mahomes, Kelce, and Mathieu jerseys on them ...
* The menu has been decided! I think. And in true Stevo-style, we are compromising to make everyone happy enough to show up.
The "main course" Texan Tenderloin, that you can make sandwiches with, or eat as a primary dish on its' own, or use as a garnish for your Bloody Mary, whatever's clever -- we don't judge.
We'll also have a pot of either chili or taco soup, whichever one I feel like making Saturday afternoon, for those who think 40 at kickoff is "too cold". (Hint: wager on taco soup.)
For the folks who desire to do breakfast, Mahomies is filling that void via breakfast burritos made to order.
And the Springfield folks are handling side items, dips, and desserts.
So there's your menu a hundred some hours out.
(Yo, Democrat National Committee! When you have a brokered convention in six months? I'm your man to settle the debate!)
* Also, Harry's apparently has a massive sale on craft and upper-echelon domestic beers. The Second Mom and I are making a (todd snyder voice) B Double E Double R U N Beer Run! Beer Run!, tomorrow after work. I have a sneaky suspicion there's gonna be some Shiner Bock in my cooler (jimmy buffett voice) Come Sunday.
And ... that's all I've got.
On to the list!
--------------------
(**: specifically, I dropped my new favorite phrase, loudly: "son of a c*nt!", then pounded the steering wheel. I had the roof open and the windows down on New Tito today (hey, it nearly hit 60 here today in the sun!). The lady next to me at the stoplight, actually busted up laughing, hearing that phrase. Whew. I was scared she'd think I was referring to her, and chuck her Claw-in-a-discreet-cup at me.)
--------------------
I should note up front, looking at this, I only see three of these eleven I did not attend in person ... I think. I know I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2005 (I could afford one of those back to back roadies (with two home games in between), Dallas or Houston, and I opted for Dallas), and I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2017 (I had just started my current job three weeks earlier, and couldn't take the PTO).
I'm also reasonably sure I was not there in 2003. Although, you know, a decade of toking and imbibing tends to kill otherwise healthy brain cells.
The other eight I know I was in attendance for ... with nine upcoming on Sunday, and ten upcoming at NRG Reliant next fall (the Chiefs will play at Houston in the 2020 season).
Anyways, here's how I rank the eleven matchups so far ... and it's a safe bet, a hundred hours out, that Sunday will probably fall into the top three, by the time the game is over ...
11. Texans 24, at Chiefs 21, Week Three 2004.
No recap -- sh*t, this game was back when I was sending out the recaps on company email. (Good Times! *** ) For personal reasons, this one will probably always rank dead last in any Chiefs / Texans game list countdown. This was the last home game for Chiefs Football as I knew it growing up, and into my post-college years. It seems impossible to believe this was over fifteen years ago now.
(***: as always, I can make any post porn-friendly ... or "greatest sitcom of all time" friendly.)
The only game that even comes close on the sh*t-o-meter?
10. at Texans 20, Chiefs 3, Week One 2007.
There's a recap for this one! It was worse than you remember. It was worse than I remember. It was worse than anyone you can think of, can remember. For like five brief minutes, we had a reason to believe. Then Justin Medlock blew a twenty something yard field goal, Matt Schaub completed a few quality passes, and the next thing you knew, Clay Walker was informing us that he "knows what love is; what's it to you?" during his halftime performance, and after one of the most uninspired performances on the field by the Red and Gold I've ever had the misfortune to pay to witness, we emerged from NRG Reliant to a 93 degree afternoon ... and a monsoon. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well hell yes, that was the best part of the day! You ever stand outside in the rain when it's hot as hell outside? It's refreshing! Why the hell do you think seeing Ben Harper on a 95 degree rainy evening back in 2006 ranks as one of my three or four favorite concerts ever, Ms. Non-Existent Editor Dudette?
9. at Texans 19, Chiefs 12, Week Two 2016.
This game was eight layers of awful on both sides. But perhaps it's best remembered as Tyreek Hill's coming out party: he took a punt to the house for what would have been the tying score, only an extremely shady and questionable holding call negated the play. (What is it with the 2016 season and "extremely shady and questionable holding calls negating the play", uuh, playing such a huge role on the season's final outcome? Damn!) Anyways, I'll trade a Week Two loss for the career Tyreek has had. And I guarantee you every other Chiefs fan would as well.
8. at Texans 35, Chiefs 31, Week Six 2010.
I remember it rained the whole drive home, and I caught the flu and was in bed for a week. I also remember the Chiefs led by two scores with four minutes to go, and somehow lost.
(peter griffin voice) I've had better days, Lois. I've had better days.
7. Chiefs 27, at Texans 20, Week One 2015.
The first defensive play was a Marcus Peters INT. Travis Kelce had two early touchdowns. And yet, there stood Ryan Mallett, almost with a shot to tie the game. I really believed 2015 -- and in the moment, that game -- was going to prove me right about Ryan Mallett. Instead? You guessed it. I'm a f*cking idiot.
6. Chiefs 45, at Texans 17, Week Eleven 2005.
LJ had over two hundred yards. The easy win set up two of the best home games of the century so far (26-16 over the Patriots; 31-27 over those people), and vaulted the Chiefs back into AFC West and AFC Wild Card contention.
(They'd fall one game short of either entry way, into the playoffs.)
5. Chiefs 42, at Texans 14, Week Three 2003.
All three units scored in this one for the Chiefs. That's a complete team victory.
4. Texans 31, at Chiefs 24, Week Six 2019.
I hate ranking a defeat this high, especially one where the Chiefs led 17-3 after the first quarter, especially one that occurred less than three months ago, and really especially one where the rematch will occur in less than one hundred hours. And yet, here we are.
Because Deshaun Watson was that awesome, in the second half.
3. Chiefs 42, at Texans 34, Week Five 2017.
Arguably the best game of "Sir" Alex Smith's Chiefs career. Given my respect for that man, that's saying a lot out of me.
2. at Chiefs 17, Texans 16, Week Seven 2013.
I still stand behind every damned word of this post. Even if, in hindsight, this was one royally "f*cked up eight ways from Sunday" weekend personally.
1. Chiefs 30, at Texans 0, AFC Wild Card 2015.
Ditto. Except without the bat sh*t crazy personal stuff.
--------------------
Coming tomorrow (hopefully): a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's (shalamar voice) "second time around" against opponents in the same season. (Note: not as good as I thought it would be ...)
And also, please keep my neighbor Joe in your thoughts and prayers. I have to attend his brother, my other neighbor to the south, I have to attend his funeral tomorrow. John passed away of cancer last Thursday. He moved in two years ago to take care of Joe, who is also dying of cancer. It will not be a happy day in South Waldo, I can assure you of that.
--------------------
Until tomorrow:
Monday, January 6, 2020
six days out
"Hey girl?
It's now or never!
It's now or never!
Don't overthink -- Just let it go!
And if we get together?
Yeah, get together?
Don't let the pictures
Leave your phone!
Yeah!
We'll be doing what we do!
Just pretending that we're cool!
And so tonight?
Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy
'Til we see the sun!
I know we only met,
But let's pretend it's love!
And never, never, never
Stop for anyone!
Tonight? Let's get some!
And live while we're young! ..."
-- "Live While We're Young" by One Direction.
--------------------
And so, the first playoff game for the Red and Gold is set. Deshaun Watson and his Houston Texans will be invading Arrowhead Stadium at approximately 2pm CT on Sunday afternoon.
Frankly folks, if you can't get geeked up to see Deshaun and Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" go at it for what I can only hope and pray is the first of many epic postseason clashes, then you should question whether or not you truly love this sport.
A few quick updates regarding Sunday (at least, the few details I know as of now), then a few cool statisticals I stumbled upon today regarding our Red and Gold that somehow, someway, has me even more fired up for Sunday than I imagined I could get.
And we're still six days out!
--------------------
* "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and however the hell Pat fits into the equation, are returning for this one. They booked the flight and bought the tickets this morning. I for one am thrilled by this: the Chiefs are 5-0 the last five times the Jersey branch of the "family" has shown up for a Chiefs game, including this year's 30-3 ass-whipping of those people in the snow.
As someone constantly looking for positive signs regarding this team, I'd like to think that their attendance? Is a positive sign.
* "My Special Little Guy" is most likely attending his first playoff game. That ... is awesome. If he thinks Unca Teve is a tad bit insane for a random early November game against the Vikings, in the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive: "he ain't seen nothing yet!"
* No word yet on the menu. We're honestly torn on this one. Some of us want to do a breakfast theme, since it's easy to make, and easy to clean up, and let's face it: as has been noted about my tailgate many a time, "we're drinkers, not eaters". But some of us want to do Tex-Mex, since it is a Texas team coming in.
Personally, I don't care; I tend to graze during tailgating, then chow down after the game. But if I had to bet at this point ... sh*t, bet on a ton of Gates or Bryant's (or both!), with some Hooters wings thrown in for show.
* The weather looks about as perfect as you can ask for: mid 40s, little to no wind, plenty of sunshine. Thank God. Both playoff games last year sucked weather wise (especially Indy -- hey, you come home to no power for four f*cking days when it's in the single digits with a foot of snow outside, and tell me how you'd feel!), and the last three home games have been miserable weather wise (although beating the living sh*t out of those people in the snow, is amongst my five favorite Chiefs moments of the decade ... and certainly in my top twenty seven favorite Chiefs games ever). So if you're on the fence on whether to "brave the elements" or not, please -- if you're rooting for the Chiefs? Brave them.
(Doubt me on that? Here's New Tito "braving the elements" on Day Two of Power Outage 2019 last January:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
* I see we get Nantz and Romo. Dammit. I wanted "The Bird and the Beard". Or, in a dream world, Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon. Oh well. I guess expecting perfection for everything this week was a crack pipe dream anyway.
* No STM email yet, but I would wager the Chiefs will set the gate opening for 8am CT ... and they'll be wide, wide open by 7am, if not even sooner. Speaking of which ...
* As of now, The Bus departs at 6am, for anyone who wishes to avoid paying whatever insane amount the Jackson County Sports Authority will charge for parking. At last count there were nine riding out on The Bus, and eight riding out on Mahomies Bus. Gonna be one fun tailgate!
* I plan to post an update every day leading into this, because I've rarely if ever been more fired up for a game than I am for Sunday.
I prayed it would be Watson vs Mahomes. (Let's all hope and pray God didn't answer my prayer just to f*ck with me, because let's face it, that'd be a typical thing in my life.) I got Watson vs Mahomes. This is going to be ... hang on.
I don't get to haul this one out as much as I should.
Ladies and gentlemen, the late, great, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner!
(the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something ... REALLY special!
Thanks Hugh. Feel free to leave the robe behind for your good buddy typing this.
And today's update, or at least the close to it, is three awesome statisticals -- two of which I honestly didn't believe, when I first saw and/or realized them.
--------------------
* First, can you name the only team to reach the Elite Eight in the NFL postseason the last two years?
That's right peoples and peepettes -- it is your (and our) Kansas City Chiefs.
Last year's Elite Eight was the Patriots (eliminated Saturday), Chiefs (still alive), "Super" Chargers (failed to qualify), Colts (failed to qualify), Saints (eliminated Sunday), Rams (failed to qualify), Cowboys (failed to qualify), and Eagles (eliminated Sunday).
* Second, the Chiefs are guaranteed a rematch, no matter who they play, until they (please, God, please) reach the Super Bowl.
(And there's a fairly decent shot, they will face nothing but rematches, for as long as the season continues.)
Why, you ask, does that matter to me?
Because you give "Fat" Andy Reid a second crack at you, in the same season?
Good things tend to happen ... for the Chiefs * .
The Chiefs have already faced the Ravens, Titans, and Texans. And on the NFC side, they've already faced the Packers and Vikings.
I love how this is setting up for the Red and Gold. I absolutely love it.
(*: probably more on this on Wednesday. I already have tomorrow's statisticals update locked and loaded.)
* Finally ... there are only two teams who have reached the NFL's Elite Eight four of the last five years. One of those teams is your New England Patriots.
The other?
(norm macdonald voice) You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!
No wait -- you guessed it. The Kansas City Chiefs:
You gotta love it.
--------------------
We'll meet again tomorrow, the Good Lord and my liver willing.
(Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know which one I'd bet on crapping out tonight! And it ain't the Almighty ...
It's now or never!
It's now or never!
Don't overthink -- Just let it go!
And if we get together?
Yeah, get together?
Don't let the pictures
Leave your phone!
Yeah!
We'll be doing what we do!
Just pretending that we're cool!
And so tonight?
Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy
'Til we see the sun!
I know we only met,
But let's pretend it's love!
And never, never, never
Stop for anyone!
Tonight? Let's get some!
And live while we're young! ..."
-- "Live While We're Young" by One Direction.
--------------------
And so, the first playoff game for the Red and Gold is set. Deshaun Watson and his Houston Texans will be invading Arrowhead Stadium at approximately 2pm CT on Sunday afternoon.
Frankly folks, if you can't get geeked up to see Deshaun and Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" go at it for what I can only hope and pray is the first of many epic postseason clashes, then you should question whether or not you truly love this sport.
A few quick updates regarding Sunday (at least, the few details I know as of now), then a few cool statisticals I stumbled upon today regarding our Red and Gold that somehow, someway, has me even more fired up for Sunday than I imagined I could get.
And we're still six days out!
--------------------
* "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and however the hell Pat fits into the equation, are returning for this one. They booked the flight and bought the tickets this morning. I for one am thrilled by this: the Chiefs are 5-0 the last five times the Jersey branch of the "family" has shown up for a Chiefs game, including this year's 30-3 ass-whipping of those people in the snow.
As someone constantly looking for positive signs regarding this team, I'd like to think that their attendance? Is a positive sign.
* "My Special Little Guy" is most likely attending his first playoff game. That ... is awesome. If he thinks Unca Teve is a tad bit insane for a random early November game against the Vikings, in the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive: "he ain't seen nothing yet!"
* No word yet on the menu. We're honestly torn on this one. Some of us want to do a breakfast theme, since it's easy to make, and easy to clean up, and let's face it: as has been noted about my tailgate many a time, "we're drinkers, not eaters". But some of us want to do Tex-Mex, since it is a Texas team coming in.
Personally, I don't care; I tend to graze during tailgating, then chow down after the game. But if I had to bet at this point ... sh*t, bet on a ton of Gates or Bryant's (or both!), with some Hooters wings thrown in for show.
* The weather looks about as perfect as you can ask for: mid 40s, little to no wind, plenty of sunshine. Thank God. Both playoff games last year sucked weather wise (especially Indy -- hey, you come home to no power for four f*cking days when it's in the single digits with a foot of snow outside, and tell me how you'd feel!), and the last three home games have been miserable weather wise (although beating the living sh*t out of those people in the snow, is amongst my five favorite Chiefs moments of the decade ... and certainly in my top twenty seven favorite Chiefs games ever). So if you're on the fence on whether to "brave the elements" or not, please -- if you're rooting for the Chiefs? Brave them.
(Doubt me on that? Here's New Tito "braving the elements" on Day Two of Power Outage 2019 last January:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
* I see we get Nantz and Romo. Dammit. I wanted "The Bird and the Beard". Or, in a dream world, Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon. Oh well. I guess expecting perfection for everything this week was a crack pipe dream anyway.
* No STM email yet, but I would wager the Chiefs will set the gate opening for 8am CT ... and they'll be wide, wide open by 7am, if not even sooner. Speaking of which ...
* As of now, The Bus departs at 6am, for anyone who wishes to avoid paying whatever insane amount the Jackson County Sports Authority will charge for parking. At last count there were nine riding out on The Bus, and eight riding out on Mahomies Bus. Gonna be one fun tailgate!
* I plan to post an update every day leading into this, because I've rarely if ever been more fired up for a game than I am for Sunday.
I prayed it would be Watson vs Mahomes. (Let's all hope and pray God didn't answer my prayer just to f*ck with me, because let's face it, that'd be a typical thing in my life.) I got Watson vs Mahomes. This is going to be ... hang on.
I don't get to haul this one out as much as I should.
Ladies and gentlemen, the late, great, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner!
(the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something ... REALLY special!
Thanks Hugh. Feel free to leave the robe behind for your good buddy typing this.
And today's update, or at least the close to it, is three awesome statisticals -- two of which I honestly didn't believe, when I first saw and/or realized them.
--------------------
* First, can you name the only team to reach the Elite Eight in the NFL postseason the last two years?
That's right peoples and peepettes -- it is your (and our) Kansas City Chiefs.
Last year's Elite Eight was the Patriots (eliminated Saturday), Chiefs (still alive), "Super" Chargers (failed to qualify), Colts (failed to qualify), Saints (eliminated Sunday), Rams (failed to qualify), Cowboys (failed to qualify), and Eagles (eliminated Sunday).
* Second, the Chiefs are guaranteed a rematch, no matter who they play, until they (please, God, please) reach the Super Bowl.
(And there's a fairly decent shot, they will face nothing but rematches, for as long as the season continues.)
Why, you ask, does that matter to me?
Because you give "Fat" Andy Reid a second crack at you, in the same season?
Good things tend to happen ... for the Chiefs * .
The Chiefs have already faced the Ravens, Titans, and Texans. And on the NFC side, they've already faced the Packers and Vikings.
I love how this is setting up for the Red and Gold. I absolutely love it.
(*: probably more on this on Wednesday. I already have tomorrow's statisticals update locked and loaded.)
* Finally ... there are only two teams who have reached the NFL's Elite Eight four of the last five years. One of those teams is your New England Patriots.
The other?
(norm macdonald voice) You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!
No wait -- you guessed it. The Kansas City Chiefs:
You gotta love it.
--------------------
We'll meet again tomorrow, the Good Lord and my liver willing.
(Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know which one I'd bet on crapping out tonight! And it ain't the Almighty ...
Saturday, October 7, 2017
week five: one day closer? ...
“Houston!
Houston means that I’m
One day closer to you!
Aw honey – Houston?
Houston means the last day of the tour,
And we’re through!
Well honey?
You and God in heaven above
Know I love what I do!
Aw but Houston?
Houston means that I’m
One day closer to you!!! …”
-- “Houston” by the Gatlin Brothers.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 11-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 45-18-0. (wadsworth voice) This is getting serious.
Last Week ATS: 12-4-0.
Season to Date ATS: 44-18-1. (wadsworth voice) Really serious.
Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: bango!
Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 3-1-0 both SU and ATS.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: it's in either the Jets or Chiefs section of these (p*ss poorly) prepared comments. (damien voice) No! No! You are not allowed to pick a close Chiefs wi ... oh. Oh sh*t. We're favored aren't we? It'd better be the Jets Stevo! It'd better be the Jets!!!! ...
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Byes: “Shane” Falcons, Redskins, Saints, those people. At least two of these squads will still be playing come January 1st. Emphasis on “at least”.
* My pick Thursday night was Patriots 27, at Bucs (+5 ½) 24.
* at Colts (-1) 20, 49ers 3. There is a damned decent chance that your Indianapolis Colts (because they sure as hell aren’t mine) will be in a four way tie for first in the AFC South at 2-3 come 11pm Sunday night. That division is the gift that will never stop giving. Also, “ALF Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Steelers 27, Jaguars (+8) 20. In Blake Bortles defense, if I had been coached my entire career by George O’Leary, Gus Bradley and Doug Marrone, I’d be accused of having a drinking problem too. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well I know I’ve been accused of that, but at least Mr. Bortles has an excuse for his abuse of the sauce!
* “Super” Chargers (+3) 31, at Giants 13. If you thought last week’s Sunday Nighter was eight layers of sh*ttacular, just wait until next week’s. Giants at those people. Yo, NBC? Unless CBS has protected it? Flex Steelers at Chiefs into the slot. You won’t regret that decision. Also, “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors. Yeah, as awful as a battle of two 0-4 squads is? It’s at worst the third worst game in the noon CT time slot Sunday. Hideous.
* at Dolphins (+3) 24, Titans 10. Cassel! Cutler! Titans! Dolphins! Catalon! Lofton! ONLY … CBS!!!! Also, “Empty Nest Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Eagles (-6) 45, “Super” Cardinals 6. Thank God we’re done with Philly and Washington. Those two squads are only going to keep getting better as this season goes along.
* at Lions (-2) 34, Panthers 24. I am so pumped FOX 4 is carrying this one for us here in Kansas City. There’s still plenty o’ room aboard the Lions bandwagon. I’ll even cede the wheel to you!
* at Bengals (-3) 28, Bills 24. Toughest game on the board to pick, save for the Sunday nighter. The Bengals need it more. I think they get it.
* Seahawks (+1) 23, at Rams 17. Wayne Allyn Root Contrarian Game O’ The Week. When every man and his drunk third uncle leans one way, bet the other.
* at raiders (-2 ½) 6, Ravens 0. You betting on Joe Flacco on the road? ‘Cause I’m not.
* at Cowboys (-2) 38, Packers 35. This should be spectacular.
* at Bears (+3) 7, Vikings 3. Jesus, this … this is just horrible. “Designing Women Game O’ The Week” honors.
The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:
Sadly, Ol' Klassy still hasn't posted anything worth ripping. This is at least three weeks now. Come on "K"KK, come unhinged! I do it at least once a week on Twitter! It's not that difficult to do!
The Tailgating Plans:
There are no The Tailgating Plans this week, as this is sadly, tragically, and unavoidably, a road game I will not be attending. This is the first Chiefs game that counts inside the state of Texas I have missed since 2005. I guess I’ll just have to drown my regrets over missing this in a case of Shiner Bock.
The Watching Party Plans:
The weather looks great, so we’ll be on The Deck. I have no idea what the menu is, but the beer will be cold, the food will be good, and I’ll probably have at least three apoplectic meltdowns watching Deshaun Watson do Deshaun Watson things. Looking forward to it!
The 2 Legit 2 Colquitt League Picks:
Last Week SU: 4-2-0.
Season to Date SU: 11-13-0.
We’re at the one third of the regular season point for all intents and purposes, and at this point, eight of the twelve squads are .500 or better … yet nobody is unbeaten. So before this week’s picks, let’s pound out the 2L2C Power Poll 1.0!
1. B*tch Kitties (3-1-0, T1 Mangino). Our defending champion continues to make us all her b*tch.
2. Salty Bananas (3-1-0, T1 Fambrough). I guess this banana isn’t “ripe enough” to be peppery?
3. GO BIG RED (3-1-0, T1 Mangino). Because of course a seven year old is in first place.
4. Banana Hammocks (3-1-0, T1 Fambrough). A banana that lays down on the job, is not a fun banana.
5. Patrick is Mahomes (3-1-0, T1 Mangino). Trust me: naming something after your “homie”, never ends well. #stevossitenumerouno
6. Angry Beavers (2-2-0, T3 Fambrough). Are they angry because Mr. Trump grabbed them or ignored them?
7. team tito (2-2-0, T3 Fambrough). As mediocre on the fantasy field, as a frosty cold Coors Light tastes.
8. Orinoco Flow N My Pantalones (2-2-0. 4 Mangino). I’d pay good money to watch Mark Mangino eat Don Chilito’s. Damned good money.
9. Jasson’s Occiffers (1-3-0, 5 Mangino). Their performance so far is (“the judge” bill pidto voice) penal in nature.
10. Mike Ditka in your mouth (1-3-0, T5 Fambrough). Everyone has to finish somewhere, I suppose.
11. Focus and Finish (1-3-0. T5 Fambrough). (linda richman voice) I’ll give you a topic. This team can neither focus, nor finish. Discuss!
12. JYD’s Huskerbugeaters (0-4-0, 6 Mangino). Are we sure Mike Riley isn’t running this team?
As for the picks:
* Mike Ditka in your mouth (Vince) over Focus and Finish (Chane). Seems right.
* Salty Bananas (“bts”) over Banana Hammocks (Will). Winner sits on top of Fambrough entering cross-divisional play. Or winner sits below. Or on the side. Or wherever their banana desires to be. We don’t judge on this site.
* JYD’s Huskerbugeaters (Ross) over Orinoco Flow N My Pantalones (Potter). It’s must win time for the five time champs. They’ll find a way to gut one out.
* Patrick is Mahomes (“Reputable National Sports Columnist”) over B*tch Kitties (Cooksey). A possible Cayman Cup preview.
* GO BIG RED (Gordon / Garrett) over Jasson’s Occiffers (Jasson). When’s the last time GO BIG RED won four games in a season? Let alone in five weeks?
* team tito (stevo) over Angry Beavers (“The Voice of Reason”). (fidelity ad guy voice) Why not?
“Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update:
It’s still missing, as Broadway is still under reconstruction. Hopefully it gets back soon; as much as I love me a chicken salad sandwich from the deli next door, not even I can eat it five days in a row for more than three weeks at a time.
The Jets Best Guess:
The Jets are one victory away from ensuring next week’s Massacre at the (Fake) Meadowlands is a probable battle for first place. Don’t screw this up, Gang Green. Even the Mangenius managed to beat the Browns. Sh*t, even last year, you managed to beat the Browns, guys.
* Jets (+1) 16, at Browns 7. The "Screw You Pete King" Upset O' The Week.
And absolutely -- "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.
The Chiefs Prognostication:
Let me open up front by noting, that if NBC insists on showing the National Anthem on Sunday night, that I hope they also show the performance immediately before the National Anthem, when the Eli Young Band performs “Deep In The Heart of Texas”. As someone who’s witnessed it three times in the last two years, trust me – it’s awesome.
Having noted that … this game terrifies me. The Chiefs at a bare minimum are down 40% of the offensive line – LDT and Mitch Morse have been ruled out. Eric Fisher is playing hurt. Parker Ehinger is hoping to make his first appearance of the season. Call me crazy, but when you’re throwing together a makeshift line to block JJ Watt, Jadeveon Clowney, and the rest of that front seven, that’s not a good thing.
And as if that isn't bad enough, have y'all watched Deshaun Watson the last few weeks? I have. He terrifies me. I don't care who you are, you don't drop 57 on the Tennessee Titans unless you know what the hell you're doing. You don't go into Foxboro and are a 4th down stop away from winning, unless you know what the hell you're doing. You don't win your debut -- on a short week, in prime time, against a decent Bengals squad, on the road -- unless you know what the hell you're doing.
As I've noted many times, I wish I could be there for this one. I hate missing Chiefs games in my adopted home state.
And yet ... part of me is glad, I won't be there.
Because I don't want to see Houston in a state of (stewie griffin voice) roo-een. I love, care, and believe in that incredible city too much, to want to see it as anything other than what I always have known it to be.
If only because I've already witnessed this week what something you love(d), care(d) about, and believe(d) in, lying in a state of utter and total f*cking (stewie griffin voice) roo-een, looks like.
And it doesn't look good, for any of the parties involved.
-------------------
I think this is going to be a shootout, unlike previous Chiefs / Texans games. (They've played four times in the last four years; the Chiefs are 3-1, and your scores are 17-16, 27-20, 30-0 (the Wild Card Game), and 12-19.) I think both teams are going to have no issues moving the ball. I think it's going to be a replay of the second half of Monday Night, when between the Chiefs and Redskins, only one drive ended with anything other than points. (The Redskins punted once, early in the 3rd Quarter. Other than that, the Chiefs scored on all four of their drives, plus the final defensive touchdown; the 'Skins scored on the other three of theirs.)
I am geeked for this game. I think this is going to be something ... hang on.
For one last time, ladies and gentlemen, the great, the legendary, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner.
(mr. hugh m. hefner voice) This is going to be something ... REALLY special!
And it's going to bring the Chiefs one day closer, to where they are destined to be, come January 22nd, at approximately 5:42pm CT -- taking a knee, on the sacred turf of Terrorhead, to finally bring Lamar's Trophy home, and turn the Sports Complex into Lake Arrowhead due to all the tears that are going to be shed.
* Chiefs (-1) 41, at Texans 38.
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