If you haven't taken the "Ultimate Steve Quiz", please, choose the link on the right before reading this, make your picks, then see your answers. Otherwise, I might have to employ my mid-season Arrowhead voice and drop a "Cheaters! Cheaters!" blast on you ... especially because I think the answers provide a lot more insight into who I am, and why I am, than the actual quiz does ...
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Question 1: the answer is "c" summer. Really, if you miss this question, don't even bother to keep going. I love summer. Hot, sunny, humid. Spending Sundays at the K tailgating, tossing washers, enjoying baseball. Or floating in the pool. And knowing that once its over, the team I love takes the field again for (at least) 16 out of 17 weekends! I Freaking Love Summer! (Not the exotic entertainer that I graduated high school with, but the season. Just clarifying).
Question 2: the answer is "a" Shinnecock Hills. My favorite golf tournament is the US Open. Shinnecock is just about the fairest Open course in the rotation.
Question 3: the answer is "c" NBA. I thought this one would be pretty obvious. I've been to see the Chiefs, Rangers, and Stars in the postseason. The Mavs were horrendous when I lived down there.
Question 4: the answer is "b" Taco Bueno. I love the logo, I loved the commercials back in the day, and I love that they're finally up here in KC.
Question 5: the answer is "c" Ed Hearn. I will recap this story now, since I've been asked about it.
Summer 1995. I'm working the grill up at McDonalds one afternoon, wearing my Mets hat instead of the standard issue company logo hat. Because our manager Lori was cool like that. Anyways, this tito walks in, sees my hat, and asks me to come out and talk to him. I figure why not. So I approach and he holds out his hand, and he's got a 1986 World Series ring on his finger. I was somewhat impressed. He wasn't Strawberry, but still, the 86 Mets are my favorite MLB team ever. After some small talk, he then goes "so do you know anything about a guy named Ed Hearn?" I reply, verbatim, "yeah, he's the son of a bitch we traded David Cone for". After a brief pause from shock, he sticks out his hand and goes "Ed Hearn, nice to meet you".
Some have argued this was my finest hour. I don't share that sentiment, but I'll say it ranks in the top 5 Steve moments. I might have to post those sometime.
Question 6: the answer is "d" Shiner Bock. Man I love that stuff. Nothing hits the spot on a warm summer evening out on the deck like a frosty cold Shiner or two and a Macanudo Maduro. Not that I'll be doing exactly that a mere 20 some odd days from now, when Speaker Pelosi drops the gavel to begin the lunacy that is the DNC 2008 ... and yes, I will be live blogging the DNC. At least one night. I owe you at least that.
Question 7: the answer is "b" NYPD Blue. I never got into the "West Wing" until the last couple years, once Jimmy Smits and Mary McCormack came on board. I liked the "Sopranos" but never as much as the old roommate did. And I loved the "Practice" but there was a solid year, year and a half stretch where it was utterly unwatchable.
Question 8: the answer is "a" Derrick Thomas. I thought for sure that my love of Christian Okoye ... the framed hanging photo of his spot in the Ring of Honor, the old school jersey in the closet, the fact my fantasy team used to be the Swanson Hungry Men in his honor, that it would throw people off. It didn't.
Question 9: the answer is "d" John Kerry. I voted for Clinton in 1996, Gore in 2000, and Bush in 2004. As for 2008, I am undecided but leaning McCain. My vote will come down to probably the veep nominees, and whether the Hillary backers can somehow, someway, save my party from the 45 states and the District landslide we're headed for with Obama on the ticket ...
Question 10: the answer is "d" Chiefs at Cowboys. At Cincinnati, I was decked by a drunk Bengals fan. At Minnesota, my Santa hat was defiled and my head was played like a bongo by drunk Vikings fans. And the Jets game, irate Jets fans dumped beer on me for celebrating the season opening TD drive.
Although, at Dallas, I was the one to do the razzing. Tracey made up a huge "I'm really a Chiefs fan!" in the shape of an arrowhead sign to hang on Russ, who is a huge Cowboys fan, former season ticket holder when he lived there as well. It fell on me to "hang" it on him. So we slapped a bunch of tape on that bad boy, and I came up to him, and slapped him across the back a couple times to fix that thing on, and he had no clue. The walk in was absolutely hysterical, he's high fiving Cowboys fans and rooting them on ... while wearing a "I'm really a Chiefs fan" arrowhead. He didn't discover it until he was in the pisser in the 2nd quarter and saw himself in the mirror. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!
Question 11: the answer is "d" Greedy. I can't explain it, mainly because the middle 20 minutes of this film are utterly unwatchable ... but the first 50 minutes and the last 25 are just pure comedic gold.
Question 12: the answer is "a" EJ Holib. I was reaching for a 20th question, I'll be honest.
Question 13: the answer is "c" a 250 lb plus chick. She was in my room 3 months earlier. Although thankfully, she was on the floor. Only God knows how the bed would have held.
Since I was asked how this "amazing night" occurred ... basically my old roommate's sister had a friend in college who was an "exotic entertainer", and she had some, uuh, interesting friends. They were up to visit for the weekend, because apartment 280 in the 'Woods always bought for minors. Well that, and it was me and Gregg, you don't get more desperate than we were back in the day.
Anyways, one drink led to another, and me and the stripper headed off to my room for the night. About 10 minutes later the cripple walks in on us as things are just getting, uuh, interesting, because apparently the stripper and her had an "understanding". But -- but! -- I swear on everything I consider to be holy, I did not notice the chick with the 'stache was in there until I woke up in the morning and realized I was pretty much spooning with her. I, uuh ... yeah, I challenge anyone to top that moment on the "oh my effing god, how drunk was I when I did that!!! o-meter ..."
And to complete the story ... yes - the chick with the moooose-tache's nickname was "Ratty". Jesus, I am shocked, absolutely shocked, that I am disease free.
Although ... I don't know ... there are times I miss the 'Woods. The "she had two choices!" night. "Why?" Not sure any email has ever had me laugh more than that one. Moving on ...
Question 14: I answered "d", the fred biletnikof meltdown. It was the most shocking thing I think I've ever seen at the players entrance. Other than Donnie Edwards giving Gregg a "Christmas gift" of game used gloves. I'm shocked GG never did a Willie "Mays" Hayes and nailed those bad boys up above the fireplace ...
Question 15: This question probably should have just been labeled "think like Steve" ... because I accepted two answers on this question, since honestly, my answer changes depending on my mood. And had anyone who replied answered "c", I probably would have accepted 3 answers. The rationale:
answer "b" Innocent, is the "most correct" answer. I have loved that song from the moment I first heard it, driving back from a family reunion in Dallas in the summer of 2002. It is the song I listen to as I walk into Arrowhead, to get me in the proper mood. (Because as Kellen Winslow would note, I'm a mother freaking soldier!) Its an upbeat, uplifting, rock out song of the greatest kind. And I'll freely admit, when David Cook covered it on Idol, everyone watching with me that night (Dusty, "former girlfriend", "former roommate") were like "I've never heard of this" ... and I'm just standing up, nodding head in rhythm, singing and clapping along to every word. Sometimes I'm ahead of the cool curve, I guess.
answer "a" Second Place Victory, is also a correct answer, because when I'm down and / or depressed, which to be fair is far more often than is healthy, this usually rises to the top of my favorites list. The words are just incredible. Absolutely unbelievable. Possibly, other than "Life is a Song" by Patrick Park, my favorite lyrics to a song ever written. Maybe because I hope to someday find someone who means so much to me, that this song would apply in my life. There's something to be said for "settling" for happy instead of "holding out" for perfect.
The other song I also would have accepted was "c" Perfect Memory. This was my good buddy James' favorite song. Another song that the lyrics just totally overwhelm you. Especially considering how things ended with him. Question 17's answer kind of goes into that. But sometime, fire up YouTube, check out Perfect Memory by Remy Zero, and just listen to the lyrics. Very, uuh, cryptic. And yet, at the same time, very personal. Man, I'm turning into Heath here, screw the melody its the words that matter ...
(the remaining choice, "d" Work, is a great song ... but its only in 4th. Not a correct answer. Not by a long shot.)
Question 16: the answer is "c" Vanover's punt return. All you had to do was read my top 10 Chiefs game post to know that. I have never cried like I did after that return. Not even Vanover himself shed as many tears as I did. Although thankfully, I wasn't stuck in a sobriety checkpoint after the game where an a-hole cop asked "had anything to drink tonight? Dr. Pepper hopefully? ha ha ha!" at 2:30 in the morning.
Question 17: the answer is "b" Projekt Revolution. I debated whether or not to even post this question, and even more specifically, debated whether to actually explain the reason for my answer, because the (virtual) last week of August 2004 is arguably the single most depressing week of my life. Its that, or the first full week of October 2004.
Thinking of this concert just dredges up a lot of those memories. Only, they aren't all negative. Rather than create a separate post like I thought about doing, I'll just recap the high and low lights as I remember them. If my memory is off, feel free to remind me of what reality was ...
* Friday morning, August 20 2004. I wake up, and as I'm getting ready for work, the lead news item is a one car crash overnight on 435 heading down the hill towards Quivira that killed someone. I think "yikes, that sucks". And move on with life. It is a short Friday, after all. And not just that, its ...
* Fantasy football draft for my work league that afternoon! I leave my phone in the car so I can focus. When I leave the draft, I notice I have 6 messages and 11 missed calls. I get maybe 11 calls in a week, let alone in 3 hours. The first message is my folks "please call us". My initial thought is "oh sh*t, its dad". Second voice mail is my brother, "call me as soon as you get this". Again, "oh sh*t, its dad". Third voice mail is an old buddy of mine, Jason Sheahan. "Steve, I got your number from your mom and I don't know how to say this ..." A really good friend of mine from growing up, James, had passed away.
He was the driver in the one car crash on the news that morning.
The weekend was both up and down. My brother proposed to his wife that Friday night, as he'd been planning to do. That was an upper. Sunday, I go to the ballgame with a couple friends, then head to the pool for the first time in a while. Both were abject downers. James and I always went to Sunday day games in our early drinkin' years. Always. It wasn't even a question of going, it was a question of who was driving, and how soon we started tailgating. Man I miss that sometimes. I don't have anybody as willing to go to a day game as that guy was.
Sunday night was James's wake. Abject depression. I'm driving home from said depressing event, and Nancy calls me to discuss getting the ticket for the next night's game against the Rams from her because they weren't going. She tries to describe how bad things were with Randy, but it still didn't really register, I was still somewhat in shock at seeing someone I grew up with, someone I worked with, someone I'd toked a few up with, someone I'd been passed out in left field GA with many a time, lying in a casket at the age of 24. (Worse yet ... he died on his 24th birthday).
Monday was James' funeral. Second most depressing thing I've ever been to in my life. I had a major project to finish at work that morning, so I got up at 5 to head in. My boss at the time got there about the same time as me, around 6, and sees me in a black shirt, tie and slacks (definitely not typical Steve attire) and kind of panics in a "oh sh*t, he's had enough of Mary, he's interviewing" kind of way. I was like, I can top that on the "oh sh*t" scale buddy.
After the funeral, that night was the Chiefs preseason home opener against the Rams. It was a miserable day, it rained, it was cold, brutal conditions. Plus nobody showed up.
The next day, August 24th, was Projekt Revolution, the day I'd been looking forward to all summer. I'd initially bought the 6 tickets for a group of us to go ... only 3 had backed out as the summer went along. I was fine with eating the cost, because I just needed a day of release. (Although Dusty saved my ass on that one by finding 3 replacements who actually paid face. Yay Dusty!)
I took the day off. I needed it. After an early afternoon of Dusty kicking my ass at Madden while Gregg (smartly) took a nap, me, Dusty and Gregg headed out about 2:30 to enjoy the day. I mean, it was hot, humid, sunny, my perfect kind of day.
Only, when we pulled in ... no tailgating in the Sandstone lots. WTF? So, the resourceful one among us (and that's obviously Gregg ...) came up with the inspired idea of "hey, there's a park across the street!" So we spent a solid 2-3 hours drinking and, uuh, "enjoying" the afternoon away in a freaking park.
Once the second band was done, I thought it was time to head in for the main events. As usual, I was premature. After suffering through Less Than Jake ... and enjoying a couple frosty cold Budweisers ... Snoop Dogg took the stage.
I remember this for three reasons. (1) The huge, and I mean hu-yuge, chick in front of us wearing a halter top and shorts ... and her beanpole companion wearing a Favre jersey. She easily was 3x the size of him. In a halter top. No wonder I came emotionally unglued. (2) the dude behind us who overdosed on 'shrooms and puked on Jon and his kid. Nothing says "yup, I'm at a concert rookie" like puking on one too many 'shrooms. But (3) you just can't top Snoop riding around the stage on a tricycle, huge marijuana leaf hanging, belting the opening lines to "Gin and Juice". Good stuff.
After Snoop's set, I set off for the bathroom, because I'm not feeling too hot. I head for the stall section, find a spot ... and 25 minutes later I emerge. Only about 2 of those minutes were spent doing anything other than taking stock of life and crying. Even Gregg, who's more used to typical Steve moments than anyone, even he was like "where the hell you been man?" How do you explain you just had an emotional breakdown in a bathroom? (The answer: you don't). I blamed it on something I ate, started drinkin' again, and then Korn took the stage. Incredible. Linkin Park followed. Even better.
Greatest concert I've ever been to, for so many reasons. Not the least of which, was the next morning, as I stumble out of bed, kick Priest out the door so I can get ready, and as I am staggering to the bathroom completely in a "how the hell am I making it to work" state of mind ... I nearly trip over a couple cds laying by my door.
Gregg had downloaded all kinds of Snoop, Korn, and LP music and burned it overnight. That guy listens to nothing but talk radio and country. And yet, he loved the show so much (apparently) that he spent a solid couple hours scouring the 'net, downloading what we'd heard, and making copies for both me, and to give to Dusty.
The week got worse from there, as my grandma took her final turns for the worse, and of course, anyone at the Browns tailgate knows how bad that was, and the tragedy that was to come. But for one day at least ... all was good in my world. Even if the world around me was collapsing for the worse.
That's why Project Revolution is the correct answer. Sometimes, we all need an escape. And for one magical night, that was my escape. I hope the concert on August 13th with LP is every bit the escape from reality that the one four years ago was ...
Back to the answers:
Question 18: the correct answer is (b). To me its simple, if you oppose the death penalty, it has to be because of one of two reasons, either (a) you don't believe mankind should play God and decide who lives and dies (my rationale), or (b) you oppose violence against mankind of any kind. No matter which rationale you choose, doesn't the same apply to an unborn kid?
(steve shaking his head realizing he can never run for public office now)
(everyone else clapping hands in joy that steve can never run for public office now)
Question 19: the answer is "c" Tara.
I am not wasting any more time on this. Until she's gone, tailgating will never be the same. She has basically squatted at mid-tailgate, smirked at her audacity, and taken a gigantic defecation on everything Lot N at the crosswalk used to stand for. Until she's gone, there's no reason to head back up there, save for a "Restore the Tradition" day. And even then, she'd better not show.
Question 20: the answer is "a" One Toke Over the Line. This is a Steve and his dad bonding song. Can't put it any more simply than that. You haven't lived until you've seen Brewer and Shipley with the old man.
Bonus: Clinton was impeached. I still think its the most ridiculous political witchhunt in American political history ... and yet, had Clinton resigned in his State of the Union speech in 1999 (as I argued he should have) ... Gore would have ascended to the Presidency, would have cruised to "election" in 2000, and would have demolished ... uuh, who? in 2004? Who the hell did the far right have to run in 2004 against a 5 1/2 year incumbent? For all the talk about how the 2000 election, none of it would be necessary to discuss had Clinton had dignity and resigned. His legacy would be preserved by 10 years of Gore. And we'd most likely have Lieberman running now for President instead of Obama. My God how one stupid decision changes everything ...
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