Showing posts with label chiefs seahawks game. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chiefs seahawks game. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

chiefs! seahawks! where stevo lighting himself on fire happens ...

“Life’s like a novel,
With the end ripped out.
The edge of a canyon,
With only one way down.

Take what you’re given,
Before it’s gone,
And start holding on –
Keep holding on!

Cause when push comes to shove?
You taste what you’re made of!
You might bend ‘til you break?
Cause it’s all you can take.

On your knees?  You look up,
And decide you’ve had enough.
You get mad.  You get strong.
Wipe your hand, and shake it off –

(Because) Then You Stand.

Then You Stand!!!! …”


--------------------

There’s so much about Sunday I want to hit on, that I know I’ll miss at least three things I wanted to point out. 

Sunday was one of those rarest days in life, where nothing, and I mean NOTHING, makes sense.

Mona too sick to attend a game?  Check.

Roger parking his bus perfectly, to provide the perfect “defend against the wind” shelter, twenty minutes before we arrived?  Check.

Two great moments with the Bulance?  Check, and check.

The Chiefs stopping the defending Super Bowl champions on their final three drives, on fourth down each times?  Check, check, and check!

I have to admit up front, my voice is shot.  My hands hurt like hell, from pounding the seat in front of me so much.  My right arm has (probable) permanent bruising, from Chris pinching and/or punching me on said right arm, for every big play. 

But Sunday?  Damn am I glad I picked “Soldier” by Gavin DeGraw for the theme last week, because Sunday, we were all soldiers for the Kingdom.  In the bastardized words of the great Blake Shelton?  We got loud.  We got proud.

And we got worse.

And that fourth quarter?  Holy God.  I can legitimately argue the greatest fourth quarter in franchise history, occurred thirteen months ago, when the Chiefs not just held onto a one point lead over the Houston Texans, they let the Texans run sixteen plays in the quarter … for zero points, and negative one yard.

The Chiefs weren’t quite that successful on Sunday … and yet, the Seahawks had three fourth down conversion opportunities Sunday.  4th and Goal at the 2.  4th and six inches at the 36.  4th and 18 at the 20.

In order?  The outcomes of those three fourth downs were Incomplete.  Stuffed at the line of scrimmage.  And damned near picked off, before falling harmlessly incomplete.

So let me open by noting this -- and yes, you smart asses in the peanut gallery, I’m actually getting to the open in the, uuh, opening segment of the post.  You’re welcome.

The 2006 Chiefs are my favorite Chiefs team of the last fifteen years.  They never won seven of eight to emerge from 0-2 to championship contenders – they won seven of nine.  The 2014 Chiefs?  Have won seven of eight … and will be heavy favorites to make it eight of nine, before getting three extra days to prepare, for what might be the single biggest regular season game Arrowhead Stadium has ever hosted, in thirteen days.

And more to the point – the 2006 Chiefs?  Never had a Stand like Sunday.

You have to go back to 2005, to find a Cup Check Stand, like what we saw – twice! – inside the last eight minutes, on Sunday.

--------------------

Last year on this weekend, I posted what is still my favorite post on this site*, my loving look back as to why I love this team as much as I do.

This year?  I have to try to recap a game in which … well, let me just quote, verbatim, what I told my dad on Sunday night, when he called to praise the Chiefs win:

“Dad?  I have no damned idea how we won that damned game today**.  Our time of possession was atrocious.  We were minus two in the takeaway stat!  I don’t think we completed ten passes!  (Editors note: we completed eleven.  Of sixteen.  For one hundred eight yards.  And won!)  Dwayne Bowe blew two critical first downs.  Hell, we not only blew the final punt by not pinning (Seattle) at the one, we gave them a gimme first down on 3rd and long!  We couldn’t convert a 3rd and six inches with the game on the line!  I guarantee you every stat, says Seattle should have won this game by twenty!”

My dad’s response?

“And you’re upset because?”

Sometimes?  The man has a damned good point.

------------------

(*: yes, it’s still my favorite post … but this one is a damned close second.)

(**: one – and arguably the only – positive to come through Dad going through what he did last October?  It’s amazing how language no longer matters to him.  You drop dead twice in an hour, and live to tell about it?  You learn to pick your battles … and he’s done fighting me, on my love of four letter salty language.  I think that’s a good thing.  You all can decide for yourselves, whether it is or not.)

------------------

To note the opening tag line to the post – yes.  Yes, I did set myself on fire yesterday.  Apparently standing two feet in front of a propane heater while wearing cordoroy’s is not as genius of an idea as it sounds.

Because about 10:40am yesterday, as I’m oblivious to what’s occurring on my lower left leg, Dr. Frank’s son comes strolling in, walks up to me, gives me a back slap of a welcome, and simply notes “dude!  You’re on fire!”

I thought he was referring to the Mixology list (which, in my defense, was exceptional yesterday.)  Then (and of all the names in the world this guy could be named, it would have to be this one), Dr. Frank’s son – whose name is Dustin -- looks at me again, points at my leg, and says “no, really – you’re on fire!”  Thankfully the damage wasn’t too painful, but those pants are (stewie griffin voice) roo-eened.

And yes, the answer to Captain Oats’ question is “very”, to the “how intoxicated were you” question my literally being on fire, and not realizing it, said fire prompts.

--------------------

It was a skeleton staff crew that rode out yesterday; Russ, myself, Jaimmie, Anthony’s sister, and Anthony’s mom.  Mona was home sick.  Anthony was off shooting Bambi in South Dakota.  All their friends were unaccounted for.  Susan called at 6am and opted for the “I’ll sleep three more hours and show up” option I wish I used more often, if I’m being honest. 

We pulled through the early-in gate about 6:45am.  Had no issues navigating the cone setup.  Everything was perfectly normal, right up to setting the flagpole stand underneath The Bus’ front right wheel.

And then, nothing made sense.

We never put up a flag.  Of any kind.  Or any HyVee signage, in our blatantly obvious attempt to steal … excuse me, win … a $100 gift card. 

Our sole focus at first, was to get the Easy-Up, uuh, up.  The wind at the top of the hill was brutal.  But one nice thing about Roger somehow beating us in the gate every week, is that he figures out exactly how to position their bus, so that when next to ours, we can create an enclosed, heated area once the tents go up, and yesterday, he played that wind perfectly.  It took about an hour to get the inside of the Easy-Up truly heated, but once we moved the grill over, and then Ron and Ryan arrived and hauled out a second propane heater, we were set.  And yes, it was warm enough, that my pants being on fire didn’t feel awkward, despite the temperature outside the covered area being about 15 degrees.

And if you doubt me it was cold yesterday?  My iPhone stopped working – twice! – in the first twenty minutes the Mixology list was going, because it was too cold to function.  I had to wrap that bad boy in a blanket, and shove it back on the Bus, in order to keep the music going.

That’s bleeping cold.  Or as I kept noting every ten minutes or so, “let’s all pray this is the coldest game of the season!”  Because I am dreading how cold it might be, thirteen days from right now, when The Bus departs for what might be the single biggest regular season game in Arrowhead’s hallowed history.

--------------------

When it’s as cold as it was, the menu is kept simple.  Ron and his crew had the same idea as us: chili.  They brought a pot, we had a pot, plus a pot of chicken noodle soup we designated as “Seagull Stew”.  We also threw a few dogs on the grill, for folks who wanted chili dogs (and good grief, Dr. Frank was pounding those things like I pounded the SoCo yesterday.)

The Voice of Reason and his dad showed up a little after 9:30, and they didn’t stay long.  Can’t say I blame them; it was cold. 

There was no Jasson sighting yesterday; I’m guessing he upheld that long-standing family tradition of failing to show up until and unless it’s a 72 degree, sunny day, without a hint of wind in the air.  (Or the Danny Darrell Memorial Day, if you will.)

--------------------

I think the moment I knew yesterday was going to be one to remember, was when I arrived at the seat I used. 

Section 132.  Row 25. 

(Pause).  Seat … 13.

Or as it used to be known – Section 132, Row 25, Seat 1.

I sat next to Chris yesterday, in Randy’s old seat, and within thirty seconds of making the decision to sit in 132, go figure – the people who owned seats 13, 14, and 15 yesterday, showed up.  As did the folks who owned 9 and 10 (where Dr. Frank and his son Dustin chose to sit; Chris has 11 and 12 for her and Nancy).

The folks who owned 9 and 10, opted to take 8 and 9, to let Dr. Frank stay where he was.  His son Dustin headed my way … because the folks who arrived owning 13, 14, and 15, assessing the situation, figured out we were one helluva group of friends in these two to three rows in the center of 132, and the dude who had 13’s response simply said “why don’t we take 15 (through 17), and unless someone boots us, we’ll make this work!”

13.  Some of you’d argue it’s an unlucky number.

13 … is the jersey number of my Coozie, that has seen so many amazing moments the last few months, between the Royals and the Chiefs (to say nothing of Bowling League every Wednesday night, where 13 has become somewhat of a celebrity.)

I went and bought a Jacked Up and a bag of peanuts to watch the game with.  (And yes, one Jacked Up turned into three – funny how that happens.)

I am that guy in life, who does not believe in coincidence.

You’re damned right, 13 fit perfectly, on the Jacked Up glass, the Chiefs Bar in Section 131, sold me shortly before kickoff.



(13's finest hour, after the Royals clinched the ALDS series against Baltimore.  Image credit: me, via the iPhone 5c.)

--------------------

Meant to share this one a few weeks ago, but go figure, I forgot.

A few of us in my tailgating group, at the Jets game:



(Let me try to get this right.  Back row, L-R: me, my buddy Ryan, his dad Ron, my Second Mother (aka Mona), and a chick that’s a friend of Will’s, whose name escapes me.  (I know, stunner.)  Front row, L-R: Anthony, Jaimmie, and dude that’s a friend of Will’s, whose name escapes me.  But if you look back right upper corner, you can see the Easy Up setup we used Sunday.  Damned near perfect.  Image credit: kcstar.com.)

--------------------

So let me start to get into the game recap, by noting, HisDirknesS’ recap at Arrowhead Pride was perfect on Monday.

This team was built, to take advantage of the biggest glaring weakness in most NFL teams’ structure.  This team was built to beat the crap out of you, to wear you down hit by blow by tackle by incredible scamper to the end zone on a misdirection toss on 4th and 1.  This team is what people my age (and, gulp, I’m less than fifty days away from changing the 7 to an 8, after the 3, in my age) grew up loving.

This team lines up and hits you.  It pounds you.  It out-mans you.  This team takes every blow you give it, and simply refuses to concede defeat.

There are two stats about this season that is now ten games and eleven weeks old, that blow my mind, and they are these two stats:

* The Chiefs have yet to throw a touchdown pass to a wide receiver.

That in and of itself, is incredible, and nearly incomprehensible.  Even the best of Marty and Carl’s creations in the 1990s, managed a wide receiver touchdown by week twelve.  Think JJ Birden’s bomb against Philly in 1992.  Willie Davis’ epic winner at Real Mile High in 1994. 

In fact, just for sh*ts and giggles, I went to my favorite geek website, pro-football-reference.com, to see when the Chiefs first recorded a wide receiver touchdown in the Marty and Carl years.  Here’s your answer:

1989: Week One (Carlos Carson TD in 4th Quarter), at denver.
1990: Week Two (Stephone Paige TD in 4th Quarter), at denver.
1991: Week One (Emile Harry TD in 4th Quarter), vs Falcons.
1992: Week Two (JJ Birden TD in 1st Quarter), vs Seahawks.
1993: Week One (Willie Davis TD in 2nd Quarter), at Bucs.
1994: Week One (Willie Davis TD in 1st Quarter), at Saints.
1995: Week One (Willie Davis TD in 1st Quarter), at Seahawks.
1996: Week One (Tamarick Vanover TD in 1st Quarter), at Oilers.
1997: Week Two (Andre Rison “burns al davis’ house down!”, with 0:03 remaining), at raiders.
1998: Week One (Andre Rison TD in 1st Quarter), vs raiders.

The Chiefs haven’t had issues with scoring in 2014.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh come on!  What do you mean, “unlike the author of this post!” That’s, that’s … that’s so, so true.

But – but!  You know who else has had issues with scoring in 2014?  Every team the Chiefs have faced, if they’re handing the ball off.  Because the second unreal stat of this season so far?

* The Chiefs have yet to allow a rushing touchdown this season.  To any player on the field.

Nobody – no quarterback, running back, wide out, tight end, or lineman on a Fumblerooskie, has crossed the goalline against the Chiefs by taking a handoff for six.

If this was Week Three?  That’s understandable.  But this is through Week Eleven!  The Chiefs have already faced denver, Miami, New England, San Francisco, San Diego, Buffalo, and Seattle – seven teams at .500 or better – and haven’t let them reach the end zone on the ground!  (They’ve also held out Tennessee, St. Louis, and the Jets, which frankly, should surprise noone.)

That second stat?  Got tested big time Sunday … and held.

So, let’s hit the recap.  As always, I pull up NFL GameCenter at nfl.com to get the stats, down, distance, and timing as accurate as possible.

------------------

* Chiefs win the toss, choose to defer.  Normally I hate that; I always prefer to start with the ball.  But hey, it worked on Sunday, so who am I to complain?

* And the Chiefs immediately force a three and out.  That’s not why I point out the Seahawks opening drive.  I point it out, because they went shotgun formation all three plays.  Yes, folks – zero plays into the game, the defending Super Bowl champs were already so concerned about our front seven and crowd advantage, they went shotgun.

* After a gorgeous fifty plus yard punt, the Chiefs take over at their own 14, and, well, all I can do is just retype the text I sent to the Voice of Reason:

“That was a textbook Gregg drive!”

15 plays, 86 yards, Jamaal Charles pitch right from one yard out to score, after nine minutes and a second come off the clock.  If you want to beat your opponent?  Keep them off the field.  The Chiefs did that to perfection on this opening drive.

* Unfortunately, Seattle stole our playbook, because their next drive was even better!  16 plays, for exactly 9 minutes, that tied the game on a 7 yard touchdown pass on 3rd and goal.  We’re tied at seven.

* The entire first quarter took 26 minutes of real time.  Kickoff was at 12:02.  The quarter ended at 12:28.  Unreal.

* Even more unreal, might be what happened next.  Because the Chiefs march 80 yards … in 4 plays, and barely two minutes.  Or as Gregg texted back: “that was NOT a Gregg Memorial drive!”

Alex Smith to Travis Kelce for 20.  Jamaal Charles up the gut for 30. Alex Smith to Anthony Sherman for 15.  Jamaal Charles offtackle for 15 and the six.

Alex Smith completed eleven passes Sunday (on sixteen attempts), for 108 yards.  2 and 35 of those stats, were on this drive.

* Seattle gets the ball back down seven, and goes to work, securing a field goal just after the two minute warning.  This is one of those unsung, underrecognized stats … but red zone conversion.  Seattle had the ball in the red zone five times Sunday.  They got two touchdowns … and two field goals, plus were stopped at the two on fourth down.  40% success.  To quote the (still with us), great Jim Mora Senior, “you ain’t gonna beat anybody I just talked about, doing (bleep!) like that!”

* The Chiefs ensuing possession was a debacle, with a replay overturn giving Seattle the ball at the Chiefs 40 with about a minute to play.  To be honest – and if there is one thing in life I strive to always do?  (Pause).  Yeah, it isn’t being honest.  But to be honest, I couldn’t tell from the replays shown in the stadium whether it was a fumble or not.  I texted four friends – Heath, Anthony, Phil, and Damien – to ask for their input.  The three who replied indicated it was clearly a fumble, so I’ll defer to the experts with quality HD setups, that weren’t freezing their balls off on Sunday.  (So they’re smarter than you?)  Hell yes they are.  What’s your point in asking the obvious?

* Seahawks kick a field goal as the half ends, to make it 14-13 Chiefs at halftime.  For what its worth?  Halftime arrived at 1:08 in real time.  Yes, the first half barely took an hour. 

Which is probably good.  If only because the second half – especially the last twelve minutes – seemed to take a freaking eternity, to play out.

* I missed halftime; I headed up to pee, and in a rare moment of clarity for me, I bought not one, but two Jacked Up’s.  (I tried to buy four, but apparently you can only buy two adult beverages at a time.  Sumbeach!)  I still had at least half of my first Jacked Up to finish.  I prepared properly, for the stressful second half about to unfold.  (Also, I am never again forgetting the pint of SoCo, to mix with a large coke.  $12.50 / cocktail is outrageous.  Outrageous!)

* The Chiefs receive the kick, and bleed half the third quarter off the clock, before settling for three, to take a 17-13 lead.  I was strangely calm at this point.  I guess I’m sometimes too analytical.  I mean, the Chiefs had had the ball four times, scored on three of those possessions (with the only whiff being the Kelce replay-caused fumble), and the defense has more than held its own.

But as the (sadly, not late … and not really great) Chris Berman would note: “that’s why they play the game.”

* Chiefs force a punt, and DeAnthony Thomas has one helluva return!  They’re in business inside the Seattle 40!  Arrowhead going nuts!  (Pause).  Damned replay review.  This one I knew wasn’t going our way, because the scoreboard operator dude only showed it once.  Go figure – DAT stepped out of bounds at the 29.  And yet, the Seahawks felt way too frisky on the play, because a personal foul – with an ejection to boot! – was tacked on.  So the Chiefs have it at their own 44 (not bad), up four (no complaints), with 3:16 to go in the third quarter (against the defending champs?  Spectacular!)

Cue eighteen minutes of play time (and about ninety minutes of real time) of stress, in three … two …

* … one, which is the number of plays the Chiefs ran on the ensuing drive.  Jamaal Charles fumbles on first down, and the Seahawks recover.  Yikes.

* More yikes: the Seahawks not only need five plays to tie the game, they do it in my end zone, with a one yard pass to former Chief Tony Moeaki.  I wanted to vomit after that.  Seattle has the lead, about to enter the fourth quarter, and they got it when (arguably) the best running back to enter the league since Barry Sanders fumbles, and (arguably) the most worthless third round pick in franchise history scores to take the lead against us.  Scott Pioli draft picks: the gifts that keep on giving!

And boy, would they … in the fourth quarter!

* We open the fourth quarter, with the Chiefs trailing 20-17, but having the ball.  After a defensive holding penalty sets up a first down, what else needs to be said?

Jamaal Charles happened.

(Note: I love, love, love that this is synched up to The King and Good Ol’ JR, calling the play.)

One play later, Knile Davis is in the end zone, the Chiefs are up 24-20 … and, well, it’s not often I nail something.   (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh come on!  Stop making references to my sex life!

It’s not often I nail something … but I nailed (for better or for worse) what was about to come.  (Pause).  No, no joke on that one, please.  I’m trying to keep this site at worst NC17 for God’s sake!

Because this conversation occurred after the Davis touchdown.

(chris) This reminds me of the last time you sat by me!
(stevo) Houston.
(stevo) If we do, I know what seat I’m buying next year.

The Chiefs on Sunday weren’t that epic.  They didn’t hold the Seahawks to negative one yards for the quarter.

Somehow?

They were better.

Three straight drives, the Seahawks had their chance.

And three straight times, they were denied.

* Their first shot, after the touchdown.  Seahawks take over at their own 23, and immediately go to work.  Barely three minutes later, they have goal to go at the Chiefs 9. 

Cue The Stand Uno, from Sunday.

First down, five yards for Marshawn Lynch.
Second down, no gain to Doug Baldwin.
Third down, two yards to Marshawn Lynch.

This launched a “do you kick or go” debate in Section 132 … and I agreed with Pete Carroll – you go.  Seven minutes and change to play, you’re at the opponents two, and the Chiefs have shown they can grind out an eight minute drive if need be.  You take your chance.

Fourth down?  Harmlessly incomplete, on beautiful coverage by Sean Smith.

Chiefs take over, up 24-20, at their own two.

You can guess how that drive went.

* If you said “three and out with no gain!”, congrats, you’re a winner.  Although this is the drive, where you had back to back false start calls on the Chiefs (I know the second was delay of game, but Eric Fisher moved early as well), that cost us 54 inches.  If you’re gonna try to cheat, you can do worse than trying to do it on first down at your own two.  All you cost yourself is half the distance.

Plus – and I know I may be mentally challenged – but I think the Chiefs had something bold planned for that first down.  I don’t think the eventual play (Charles up the middle) was the planned call.  I think they were going deep.  (Think Chargers game in 2002 – Trent Green 99 yards to Marc Boehricter from the end zone).  I think they were going to challenge Seattle. 

Whether that’s the case or not, the Chiefs do go three and out, Seattle gets the ball back at the Chiefs 45 with a little over six minutes to play, and here we go again.

The Stand Dos, from Sunday.

* For the record, “The Stand”, as I like to officially refer to it, occurred Week Thirteen 2005.   At Arrowhead.  On 4th and 2, against the denver broncos, with the Chiefs leading by four (31-27; the eventual winning score).  There was 2:07 on the clock, when the play began.  Initially, donkeys running back mike anderson was ruled to have gained the first down.  Richard A. Vermeil challenged the spot.  He won the challenge; the Chiefs ultimately won the game.

Sunday?  Seattle had a 3rd and 8.  Marshawn Lynch was ruled to have gained the first down.  “Fat” Andrew Walter Reid challenged the spot.  This one, I had no doubts about.  Marshawn Lynch was clearly short of the 35.  Bill Leavy gave the Chiefs the replay victory, and Seattle had 4th and 1 at the Chiefs 36.

That ensuing play?  Was about as damned loud as I’ve heard Arrowhead, since “The Stand” nine years ago.  Because when Marshawn Lynch was all but, uuh, lynched, by a gang of Chiefs, well behind the line of scrimmage, all I could note was what I texted.

“I think Arrowhead has woken up!”

Jesus, it was loud in there after that stop.  I still have fingernail marks on my right arm, from where Chris was digging into me, dragging my sleeve down, from the stress.

But – but!  This is the Chiefs.  Of COURSE that wasn’t the ballgame.

* Six inches.  That’s about how far Jamaal Charles needed to get on third down, with 3:13 to play, to all but seal the victory.  And he couldn’t get it.

The Chiefs punt, and folks?  If you didn’t see this punt?  It’s one of the greatest punts you’ll ever see in your life, and should have been even greater than it wound up.  Because Dusty C – at his own 45 – punted this one 54 yards, 2 feet, and 10 ½ inches.  It landed at the Seattle one and a half inch line.  And Junior Hemingway redeemed himself for the debacle that was the 49ers game out of him, by perfectly timing the jump, to throw the ball back into the field of play.  And not just perfectly throw it back – he threw that sucker damned near where it landed, at the one and a half inch line.  Unfortunately, the Chiefs let it bounce a couple yards east, and Seattle started at their own 4.

Still – here we are again.  Just like that Houston game last year, when Case Keenum, trailing by one, was nearly decapitated by Tamba Hali, right in front of me.

Cue first down.

* Because on first down, Russell Wilson came as close to taking a safety as you possibly can, actually being tackled in the end zone as he threw the ball … complete, for a one yard gain.  And then, right before the two minute warning, he completes a pass for a nearly 25 yard gain, to set Seattle up with first and ten, at the Chiefs 28, trailing by four.

The Stand Tres, from Sunday, was about to occur.

* First down, nothing.  Great coverage by Eric Berry.  The guy behind me (sitting in my old seat, ironically), leans down and screams (because you had to scream, it was so loud in Arrowhead at that moment) “sorry if I hit your back!”  Why, you ask, would he say a thing like that?

Because he was pounding the seat assigned to me so damned hard, his hand kept hitting my back, on the recoil.

Apologize for nothing, dude.  Apologize for nothing.

* Second down, the Seattle offensive line collapses.  Again.  For all of our offensive line issues, Chiefs fans?  Seattle’s might be worse.  Russell Wilson saved their ass all day long Sunday … until he couldn’t.  Down he goes.  Dontari Poe.  Now it’s 3rd and 18, Seattle’s out of timeouts, the clock has dropped below 90 seconds to go, the noise is bat-shit crazy inducing deafening, and not just my arm (from where Chris is trying to separate my shoulder by tugging on it so hard), but my back (from dude behind me pounding it) are hurting.  My voice is shot.  My hands hurt like hell. 

Worth it.

* Third down.  Of all the reasons our Chiefs are in this position they are – tied for first with six to go, and denver has to come here in two weeks – of all the unsung reasons we’re here, can we properly praise Husain Abdullah?  This kid excites me.  And not just because it’s the one and only time in my life, I’ve ever left my Voice of Reason, uuh, reasonless:

(from a game (I think) last year):

(gregg) He’s a Muslim.
(stevo) Oh come on!  You can’t determine a guy’s religion by his name!
(gregg) Name just one person with a Muslim sounding name, that isn’t.
(stevo) (no hesitation) Barack Hussein Obama.
(gregg) (silence).

Well, as we learned during the Monday Nighter against the Patriots, Mr. Abdullah is a Muslim.  (Which is perfectly fine with me.  I personally despise religion of all kinds … but even I admit there is a God, and it is the God of Christianity, Islam, and Judiasm.  Which makes the Islamic world’s hatred of Israel and the Western World so idiotic.  We all pray to the same God.  Why are we fighting each other?)

But Mr. Abdullah had a huge third down bat-down, to set up fourth and long, with the game on the line.  So many times as Chiefs fans, we’ve seen how this plays out, and it rarely plays out well.

* Fourth down: Russell Wilson’s pass is nearly intercepted by Sean Smith, then falls harmlessly to the ground.

Game, set, match.

After The Stand Tres from Sunday, the streamers flying out of the upper deck were ridiculous.  It was like 2002, 2003 all over again.  The crowd noise was insanely loud.  We’d done it.  The defending champs were chumps, at least for an afternoon.  And when the scoreboard operator dude showed satan manning’s failure on 4th down, to seal defeat in St. Louis, the noise got even louder.  We’ve caught denver!  And they still have to come into the insane asylum known as Arrowhead, and somehow beat this team!

* I guess I’ll begin to close the recap with this.  September closed with me sitting next to a kid named Brooks all game long, for the single greatest sporting event I’ve ever attended.  (And nothing anytime soon is topping it … and yes, I typed that specifically to ensure, something does top it.)  Sunday, a kid named Blake sat in front of me.  He was maybe seven, possibly eight.  (He looked “My Special Little Guy’s” age.)  Like Brooks on that magical Tuesday night, he stood on his chair all game long.  He cheered.  His daddy held him up, when he couldn’t see over the person in front of him.  And like Brooks, he saw a win nobody saw coming, as recently as two weeks ago.

As I was walking out the aisle on Sunday, Blake slapped me on the back, to celebrate the win.  I turned around, and he had the biggest smile on his face, and simply yelled “CHIEFS!” as he offered up his left hand for a high-five.

This game?  Was to him and his dad?  What December 7, 1986, was to me and my dad.

Welcome aboard, kid.

* “Steve!”  I haven’t heard that shout in a long time, walking out the aisle between 131 and 132 … but I heard it Sunday, and damn, was that one awesome hug with a girl who once texted me at 2:32am that “I want to use your body as a jungle gym!” 

* The walk out was real, and it was spectacular.  The Rumble was playing the Tomahawk Chop headed out the Hy-Vee Gate, and everyone (myself included) was pounding the side of the walkway.  Just pounding it.  Awesome stuff.

* Saw a few people headed out I try to always say hi to.  Enjoyed a quick Jello shot with Larry.  Enjoyed  a Fireball shot with Lindsey.  And once I got back to The Bus – and go figure, I’m usually the last one to arrive – had a great high-five with Ryan.  And then, this happened:

(jaimmie) Really?  You’re not gonna play it?
(stevo) I don’t want to lug the speakers out …
(ron) Play it.
(stevo) But the speaker –
(ryan) Play the godd*mned victory song!

So, I cranked up the phone as loud as I could, and you heard this:

“What is happening here?
Something’s going on, and it’s not quite clear.
Somebody turn on the lights;
We’re gonna have a party, starting tonight!

Oh!  What a feeling!
When we’re dancing on the ceiling!
Oh!  What a feeling!
When we’re dancing …”

* Postgame, not much to report.  Headed back to the Bus Barn, unloaded everything, and eventually we all headed our separate ways.  And since I’m in Day Five of “Don’t Have To Work For Eighteen Straight Days”, it ended wonderfully well.  (AKA, “I don’t remember how it ended; I passed out drunk”.)

Tomorrow, we leave for South Dakota, to watch the raiders game with some really great friends that always come down for the raiders game, and usually come down for a weekend or two in the summer. 

So I’ll close with this.  The 2006 Chiefs are my favorite Chiefs team of the last fifteen years.  Just like this Chiefs team?  They faced oakland and denver back to back, with one on a short week, the last two weeks of November.



I’m guessing I’m not the only person reading this, rooting for the same outcome, eight years later …

Saturday, November 15, 2014

week eleven: defend this house!

"Where did all the people go?
They got scared, when the lights went low!
I'll get you through it nice and slow,
When the world's spinning out of control.

Afraid of what they might lose;
Might get scraped, or they might get bruised?
You could beg them, but what's the use --
That's why it's called the moment of truth ...

I'll get it, if you need it.
I'll search, if you don't see it.
You're thirsty?  I'll be rain.
You get hurt?  I'll take your pain!

I know you don't believe it;
But I said it, and I still mean it!
When you hear what I told you?
When you get worried?

I'll be your solider ...

Funny how when times get hard;
At the last moment, when you're supposed to charge?
You're always on the longest yard;
Oh, you feel your feet getting cold.

Hot in here, hot in there;
You find him underneath the stairs.
People hiding everywhere;
Trying to be still as a stone.

But --

I'll get it, if you need it!
I'll search, if you can't see it!
You're thirsty?  I'll be rain!
If you get hurt?  I'll take your pain!

I know you don't believe it --
But I said it, and I still mean it!
When you hear what I told you?
When you get worried?

I'll be your soldier! ..."

-- "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw.

--------------------

Last Week ATS: 11-2-0.  No, that is not a dyslexic typo.  Only two losses were the Upset of the Week ... and the Rams pissing away the game in Arizona.
Season to Date ATS: 74-71-2.  We've cracked .500!  (And I may have cracked a beer, typing this.)

Last Week SU: 11-2-0.  The only two losses were the Upset of the Week ... and the Saints losing in overtime.
Season to Date SU: 88-58-1.

Last Week "Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week: sadly, no terrorist attacks.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 5-7-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 5-7-0.
This Week "Screw You Pete King" Upset / Week: Bengals (+7 1/2) over Saints.

--------------------

The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs, (Fidelity Ad Guy Voice) "Why Not!" Best Guesses:

* Bills (+5 1/2) 24, at Dolphins 20.  As noted on Twitter Thursday night.  I am now 1-10 picking Thursday nighters this year.  Yes -- One.  And.  Ten.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  You're damned right I'm taking oakland outright next week!

* Vikings (+3) 24, at Bears 20.  How in the hell is this basically a pick 'em line?  Has nobody in Vegas watched the Bears give up one hundred plus points the last two weeks?  And as someone who is a huge Marc Trestman fan, and loved the hire ... he's got to go.

* Texans (+3 1/2) 34, at Browns 20.  As the biggest backer, defender, and supporter of Ryan Mallett you will ever find, I'm gonna go out on a two inch thick limb, and predict your (because God knows they aren't mine), YOUR Houston Texans will win 6 of 7 down the stretch, and sneak into the playoffs as the six seed at 10-6.  And it wouldn't stun me if they won 7 of 7 with the greatness to be that is Ryan Mallett under center, and caught denver at 11-5 for the five seed.

(Houston's remaining schedule?  At Cleveland / Vs Cincinnati / Vs Tennessee / At Jacksonville / At Indy / Vs Baltimore / Vs Jacksonville.  Admit it -- 6-1 down the stretch is NOT a stretch of the ol' imagination.)

* at Panthers (+1) 6, Falcons 3.  Both teams enter with three wins.  Both teams enter with six losses.  The Panthers enter with a tie tossed in to boot.  And both teams CONTROL THEIR OWN DESTINY to win the NFC South.  Look out 2010 NFC West and 1989 AFC Norris -- you've got competition for "Worst Division Ever" status from your (because God knows they ain't mine), YOUR 2014 NFC South!  Also, "Webster Game O' The Week!" honors.

* at Redskins 24, Bucs (+7 1/2) 17.  Thanks for the half point, Danny Sheridan!  Also, "Good Times Game O' The Week!" honors.

* Bengals (+7 1/2) 27, at Saints 24.  It doesn't get used often ... but Wayne Allyn Root Memorial Game O' The Week Honors for this one.

* at Rams (+10 1/2) 27, satan's squad 24.  For three reasons.  (1) the donkeys are losing at least one game they shouldn't, in the three they should sweep.  It's this one, or next week at home against Miami.  (And God willing, it's both.)  (2) Circle me giddy with excitement, at the small, you have to look to notice them, but they're there, crack in the donkeys armor.  Backup QB pissed he doesn't see the field?  That's a great sign that this team is on the verge of becoming the 1998 Chiefs.  And (3) you can count on one finger the number of people who picked the Chiefs to win the division over denver three months ago ... and I'm that, uuh, one finger.

* at Chargers 24, raiders (+10 1/2) 14.  Thanks for the half point, Danny Sheridan!  Also, "Gordon Shumway Game O' The Week!" honors.

* 49ers 34, at Giants (+4 1/2) 31.  Report: Stevo Continues To Refuse To Believe Tom Coughlin Has Lost His Ability To Coach.

* at Packers 35, Eagles (+6) 30.  I hate to do this.  God knows, the Jets fan in me despises what I'm about to do.  But folks?  Folks?  (Pause)  What?  (Pause).  Oh, really?  He's on the phone?  He's dialed in?  Well hell yes, give him the floor!

Ladies and gentlemen, peoples and peepettes, the Vice President of the United States, Mr. Joseph Robinette Biden Junior!!!!!!

(vice president biden voice) Thanks pal!  Folks?  Mark Sanchez does not suck!  A three letter word -- suck!  S U C K, suck!

Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

(And the best political gaffe ever.  I'm sorry -- even if (like me) you despise this administration ... this is just damned hysterical.  Especially Mr. Biden's ability to compensate on the fly.  I may hate his politics ... but God bless it, I love Joseph Robinette Biden Junior.)

The ugly truth folks, is that Mark Sanchez doesn't suck.  His rookie season, he led the Jets to a 9-7 record ... and the AFC Title Game (which they led at halftime, in Indy ... and oh yeah, it was the 7-7 Jets, led by Mark Sanchez, that ended the 14-0 Colts dream of perfection, in Indy, a month before said title game).  His second season, he led the Jets to a 11-5 record ... and the AFC Title Game (which they lost by five, in Pittsburgh ... a team they beat by five, a month earlier, to get into the playoffs).  His third season was a .500 campaign.  His fourth season was a debacle, highlighted by The Butt Fumble ... but in case you've forgot, the Jets were 5-5 entering that game.  Not exactly a joke.  His fifth season was pissed away when "Sexy" Rexy Ryan left him on the field in a meaningless preseason game, and he suffered a season ending injury.

My point being, Mark Sanchez doesn't suck.  He proved it at Houston two weeks ago.  He showed the nation that fact on Monday against Carolina.  And he's going to show the 85% of America that won't get (arguably) the biggest game the National ... Football Conference will stage this season, on their television screens, that fact on Sunday.

Mark Sanchez doesn't suck.

A 4-2 road playoff record, should convince you of that.

* at Cardinals (-1) 31, Lions 20.  The winner of this game is likely to have home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  I'd argue Arizona needs it more; that stadium is a f*cking nuthouse.  It's the most underrated home field advantage in football.  It's as underrated, as Seattle is overrated.

Oh, yeah -- and if Bruce Arians isn't the Coach of the Year?  Then why do we have the award?

* at Colts (-2 1/2) 34, Patriots 27.  Go back to a few pages ago, to Houston's closing schedule.  Indy better win this one, if they want some breathing room, for that week fifteen showdown with Mr. Mallett.

* Steelers 27, at Titans (+6 1/2) 21.  Why ESPN hasn't filed a class action lawsuit against the NFL for their sh*tty ass MNF schedule the last eight years, I have no idea.  And as ugly as this one is, we've still got Miami at the Jets ... and Atlanta at the Packers, on tap in December!

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week:

The Klassy One has posted nothing since last Sunday, and it was all praise for Jordy Nelson.  So I'll choose to let him pull his pants up this week*.

But the odds of going three straight weeks, without pointing out what a mother f*cking hypocrite this "family man" is, are slim and none, and none left the building the day Ol' Klassy Kev' was told to pull his pants up.

(*: please, my Prairie Village cop friends reading this, please tell me, the audio still exists.  I know it's been fourteen years, but come on.  If my stupidity of my twenties still exists in official records, Ol' Klassy's "youthful indiscretion" has to still be available, right?  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh yeah -- alleged.  Alleged "youthful indiscretion".  Have to emphasize alleged.)

The Poem:

I'm passing this week ... because in two weeks, there not only will be a legitimate The Poem ... but the person The Poem is written for and dedicated to?  Will be live and In!  Da!  House!, for the Chiefs / donkeys Sunday nighter.

In the words of the late, great Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA ... and D can stand for Democrat, Drunk, or Both)?  "You can bet your ass", The Poem is gonna rock in fifteen days!

The Watching Party Plans:

There are no The Watching Party Plans, since this is a home game for the Chiefs.

The Tailgating Plans:

Are currently being debated.

If you're in or around the KC Metro area, you know we're supposed to get pounded by some snow today.  Considering we park on a grassy knoll, that could present a problem.

So here's where we stand, as of 9am Saturday morning:

* Provided the snowfall is as minimal as hoped for (namely, one to three inches), we will be in our usual spot, by 7am.  (The grassy knoll just north of the G30 sign.)  We do have the early-in pass for tomorrow.

The menu as of now is chili, chicken noodle soup, and whatever else the Bus riders bring.  There should be Benchwarmers as well as Fireball available too, for your liquid consumption.

* If the snowfall is worse than expected (namely, we'd have to dig out our spot), then we will still be in Lot G, but we'll take the Blazer or the Jimmy, and park somewhere inside of Lot G, instead of the grassy knoll.  Menu stays the same either way.

If I was a betting man (and I am), I'd guess it's Bus, 7am, Grassy Knoll, and Colonel Mustard has hidden the lead pipe, that killed the parking nazi.  But nothing is sealed in stone yet.

The Jets Commentary:

And that’s all your getting this week when it comes to Gang Green, is my opinion of what should happen in seven weeks … since Gang Green is on a bye.

And what should happen – specifically to GM John Idrik and head coach Rex Ryan … is nothing.

I’m not as enamored of “Sexy” Rexy as a lot of fans are, but the man is a solid head coach, who has proven he can win on the road in January.  He’s done it four times in his six years at the helm**. 

And as for Mr. Idrik … it’s not like he took Geno Smith first overall.  Geno went in the second round.  The Jets first rounder in 2013?  Sheldon Richardson.  I’d say that worked out fairly well.  Plus, he’s only been on the job two years.  I am a very, very firm believer that unless criminal misconduct or proven mental retardation occurs, a GM deserves four years, and a head coach deserves three years, to see the plan through***.  If you want to argue Mr. Ryan has had six, so be it.  I’d disagree with firing him based on this season, but so be it.  But Mr. Idrik is only in year two.  You need more time, to make a rational evaluation of the job he’s done.

I didn’t expect the Jets to be 2-8 bad … but be honest: did anyone have the Jets in a playoff position in their preseason picks?  I sure as hell didn’t.  (I had them going 8-8 … which I suppose is still possible, if highly unlikely.)

When a team is that bad, you look for the single truest sign to not pull the plug, and that’s whether or not the players are still fighting and trying to win.  The Jets just beat a team many anointed the last few weeks as “the hottest in the sport”, and they not only beat them, that game was over fourteen minutes in, with the Jets up 17-0.

It would be a gigantic mistake to clean house after this season.  I’d argue both Mr. Ryan and Mr. Idrik should stay.  I know that’s hard to read if you’ve yelled “J!  E!  T!  S!  Jets Jets Jets!” and meant it as a praise and a compliment … but sometimes?  Love hurts.

--------------------

(: to put this in perspective, the Chiefs have won three times in January since January 16, 1994.  Ironically enough?  Two of those victories came at fake mile high – on my birthday in 2009, and on New Year’s Day in 2011.  The only other win?  Cincy at home on New Year’s Day 2006.  And most of them?  Painful losses.  Losses to the raiders?  Two of them – the Y2K Bowl (January 2, 2000), and exactly eleven years later, the “Blow A Bye” Bowl (January 2, 2011).  Playoff defeats?  Where to begin!  At Buffalo January 1994.  Vs. Indy in January 1995, January 2003, January 2007, and January 2014.  (With a damned good chance to add Postseason Loss Numero Cinco about eight weeks away.)  Most painful loss of my life?  My 21st Birthday, 1998, in the Divisional Round to the denver broncos.  Throw in a playoff loss to Baltimore (January 2011), a loss at Seattle to end Richard A. Vermeil’s first season (January 2011), and a loss to the Chargers to end the 2004 season?  January and the Chiefs, are a pretty sorry matchup.)

(**: for perspective, Chiefs fans?  After Year Two of the Pioli / Haley Era, we were praising the Hunt Family for extending Mr. Pioli, and considered Mr. Haley one helluva head coach.  Mr. Haley was gone eleven months later, Mr. Pioli thirteen months after that.)

--------------------


The Chiefs Prediction (and Pointless Rambling Commentary):

The Chiefs did something last week, no Chiefs team has done, at least in the last fifteen years.

Five times before, the Chiefs had opened 0-2 or worse, and had climbed back to within a game of .500 at the midpoint.

All five times, the Chiefs lost the hump game.

They lost at oakland in 2000.  Lost at Tampa in 2004.  Lost at Miami in 2006.  Lost to Green Bay in 2007.  Lost to denver in 2011.

They won, at Buffalo, in 2014.

The Chiefs sit at 6-3, one behind satan's squad for the AFC West lead, one behind the Patriots for home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  (And the Chiefs own the tiebreaker over New England, should it come to that.)

The Chiefs own tiebreaker with Miami (at 6-4), Buffalo (at 5-5), and San Diego (at 5-4) due to head-to-head wins.  They own tiebreaker with the entire AFC Norris via conference record (and still face the Steelers next month).  

The Chiefs have not sat this pretty for a playoff berth, with seven games to play ... since last season.

Which is why, the statement I'm about to make, is so damned ridiculous, it's laughable ... until you realize, it's actually true.

The 2014 Kansas City Chiefs?

Would beat the 2013 Kansas City Chiefs by three touchdowns, on the proverbial neutral field in Wichita, our Ol' Buddy "Screw You" Pete King, thinks exists in his weekly MMQB column.

--------------------

Sunday, Chiefs fans?  Show up.  Be loud.  Be extremely loud.  Let's let Seahawks fans know what a legitimate home field advantage sounds like.  Not one created by creative architecture and piped in crowd noise -- but legitimate noise, and legitimate craziness.

If you can't get excited to show up and pummel the defending champs -- and a former divisional rival to boot -- whose obnoxious, holier than thou fans stole our legitimate Loudest Stadium cred for a few months?  If you can't get motivated enough to show up and shove it in those assholes' faces?

Then don't call yourself a Chiefs fan.

* at Chiefs (-2) 24, Seahawks 17.  2000 Monday Night "Sweet Jesus, It's Ed Hochuli! / Is That A Problem?" Memorial Score.  Or, if you prefer, 2000 Monday Night "Wasn't Me! / (MNF Booth Loses It) / Was Not Me, Ladies And Gentlemen!" Memorial Score.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

chiefs! seahawks! overreact media, over-re-blanking-act!!!


“I found out a long time ago,
That it’s a long way down the holiday road.
Holiday Roooo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo-oooad!
Holiday Roooo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo-oooad!”
-- “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham.

----------------------------

Why, you ask, did I choose a throw-away movie theme song as the intro to today’s post?

Because like the “National Lampoon” movies, being that they are a throw-away farce that, when you’re done watching them, meaning absolutely NOTHING to the grand scheme of things?


What part of “PRESEASON” is it that people fail to grasp?  It’s MEANINGLESS.  It’s POINTLESS, other than to determine the last 5-6 slots on your roster.  NOTHING that happened last night matters one damned bit in the grand scheme of things for the Chiefs.  (For the Seahawks?  Uum, yeah, I think y’all have found your starting quarterback.  And what a surprise – he’s a guy the Chiefs passed on one pick before he was taken, for yet another in an endless string of “day two offensive linemen we draft who’ll never amount to a hill of beans in this league”, a string that’s been playing on Draft Day for 25 f*cking years and counting.  Really, Chiefs front office, you all are the best – why take a chance on greatness at the 74th pick in the draft, when you can pick a sh*tty at best backup offensive tackle.  I swear, an untrained chimpanzee could make better day two decisions than the Chiefs front office.)

Here’s how meaningful last night was: “The Crush” and I literally spent a solid three minutes of the second quarter arguing over how long a guy should stay down there when he’s, uum, down there with a girl.  (Yes, this conversation actually occurred … although it wasn’t so much an argument, as an agreement that “you stay until she lets you up”.  Also, I got an answer to a LONG held question about something “The Champ” noted four years ago on a lake weekend … and wow man, I gotta admit -- I KNEW I called you “The Champ” for a reason!)

Last night’s result was utterly pointless.  No sane person is going to remember it twelve months from now.  (Well, that’s not entirely fair – I’ll probably remember we lost, if only to note that “there’s $78 I’ll never get back”.  But in sanity’s defense – I’m not sane.)

In the words of The All American Rejects off Mixology 2012: “move along!”  There’s nothing to see here … and really, not much to recap.  Tailgating for the better part of three hours in an overcast, at times raining, weather condition?  Go figure, not a whole lot of people showed up.  The “Core Four” rode out yesterday (that would be me, Russ, Mona, and Susan).  “The Voice of Reason”, “bts”, and some dude who I gave my extra ticket to arrived about an hour before kickoff and had a beer or two.  Roger and his crew were down from us, Sal* and his crew were up from us, and Castro and his crew were across from us.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

(*: I swear to Christ, Sal is the SPITTING IMAGE of Rahm Emanuel.  Right down to the “fake tan with grayish/white hair” look.  He is the SPITTING IMAGE of “The Godfather”.  I think it’s kinda neat, as (possibly) the only person on earth who wouldn’t mind Rahm Emanuel as the leader of the free world.)

“The Crush” made it down for the first half, and I will probably never type this next phrase again in my life, but I’m glad she left when she did.  Because not even 90 seconds after she made her exit, “The Champ” and his far better half wandered over to spend halftime in some pleasant conversation.  Look it, I’m mad as hell at “The Champ” right now – he knows why, he knows he f*cked up (at least I assume he does, and if he doesn’t, he’s more clueless than even I am on an average day), and we’ll deal with this like we deal with every “Champ” / “tito” throwdown – we’ll ignore it like nothing happened, refuse to apologize to each other, and move on.  That, or install new locks on the door to keep the other out.  Either way, it's all good: lather, rinse, repeat.  But still, I meant what I texted you two last night: whatever I may think at this point, it's not worth tossing away what we have because of my inability to deal with what occurred.  Or something like that.

Also, the dude I gave my 2nd ticket to tried to shout something at me as I was headed up the aisle to get a Pale Ale* and hit the whizzer, but I would be lying if I said WHAT he shouted.  He was (ok fine, “appeared to be”) in worse shape than me, and again, as soon as I walked in the door last night, my head hit the pillow and I was down for the count.  (Preseason Football: Where Being Too Damned Drunk To Care Happens!!!  Also, big shoutout to Susan for the ride home.  I was in NO CONDITION  to be driving last night.  (cue the Dusty / Gregg / random stranger voice: “last night?!?!?!?!”)

(*: if I remember anything about last night twelve months from now, it is this.  To the lady who “took” my order at the vending station in 133 / 134: a Pale Ale is NOT the bottle with a yellow top, with a label on the front / side / back that says “WHEAT”, and is NOT a yellowish substance that looks like pee accumulating in a urinal as you pour it into a glass.  It IS the black bottle top, with a black label, whose contents appear dark as you pour it into a glass, and whose container says “PALE ALE” on the printed lettering that adorns the bottle.  If you EVER again … and I’m guessing I will be seeing you at least eight more times this year … if you EVER again ATTEMPT to pass off a Wheat as a Pale Ale?  I will get violent.  I’m in the very small minority, but I HATE Boulevard Wheat.  I LOVE Boulevard Pale Ale, and WORSHIP at the alter of Bully Porter (which sadly, Arrowhead doesn’t carry).  If you attempt to sell me a Wheat as a Pale Ale again?  I’ll get visibly upset.  But – but! – if you EVER again attempt to charge me for BOTH a Wheat and a Pale Ale, because you’re too damned stupid to differentiate the bottles, as you did last night, when you mistakenly poured the wrong one initially?  You ever try that again?  Three words for you, beer vendor lady: “Nicole.  Brown.  Simpson.”  Hell, I’ll toss in two more for free: “Ron.  Goldman.”  Might wanna Google! search those words, because THAT’S what awaits you if you EVER again attempt to charge me $16.50 for a Pale Ale.  I may be stupid, I might be high, and God knows I’m usually drunk, but even I am smart enough to see a scam as it unfolds, when it comes to booze.  In the words of Dan Dierdorf, “nice try”.  And in the words of Nate Dogg, “Regulators!  Mount up!”)

This is what to take from last night’s game.  And hang on, I’m gonna need to block a couple paragraphs to state exactly what to take from last night’s game:
































What to take from last night’s game?  Is what was stated in the blank copy above.

Hey look it, I had a blast yesterday.  Anytime you can spend an afternoon drinking yourself into stupidity, spend a solid 45 minutes talking with “The Crush” about various fun activities that excite you, and can have a football game going on in front of you?  You HAVE to do it.  Especially that second part – I’m telling you, it’s not only the weirdest, most “what the f*ck is going on here?” conversation I’ve ever had in my life?  It SO totally let me know I might, in 2/1000ths of a way, have a chance with “The Crush”. 

But anytime you can pay full price to watch a game that no sane person will remember a few months from now, anytime you can bail on a potential weekend at the lake and/or a float trip, anytime you can say “no thanks” to a getaway to Vegas, anytime you can say “nah, I’ll catch it next year” to a trip to Bristol for tonight’s Cup race (ONLY my FAVORITE NASCAR race of the year), anytime you can pass on working, to instead of doing all those things, you get the chance to watch a preseason game?

You HAVE to pass on it.  Which is why I have, for five years and counting, until this season.  And why, barring something ENTIRELY unforeseen, I envision at least one float trip, and one concert weekend, in my social calendar for August 2013.  And wouldn’t you know it – those two events just HAPPEN to fall on a weekend when the Chiefs host a preseason game …

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...