“I see you and me,
Riding like Bonnie and Clyde,
Going 95 burning down 129,
Yeah,
Looking for the law,
While I push my luck …
She’s riding shotgun,
Like it ain’t no thing;
Turn the radio up,
So the girl can sing, right?
Pull into the party
Like “y’all? Wassup!”
…
Tonight? It’s bottoms
up! Up!
Throw it on down!
Rock this quiet, little country town!
Get up!
Drop a tailgate on your truck!
Find a keg and fill your cup! Up!
Kick it on back!
Pretty little mama,
Looking at you like that!
Make ya wanna slide in,
Like girl? What’s up?
‘Cause tonight it’s bottoms up!
(Up! Up! Up!
Get ‘em up!)
Tonight is bottoms up!
(Up! Up! Up!
Get ‘em up!) …”
--------------------
Spring has officially, uuh, sprung!
Because the best five words – one of them repeated – in order, in the
English language? Officially begins in a
couple hours.
Forty. Games. In.
Forty. Nights.
The NBA Playoffs!
Worth mocking in the Eastern Conference? The Raptors as the seventh seed (they won the
Atlantic, and are the three). The Knicks
as the five seed (they did not reach the postseason). The Pistons (six) and Cavs (eight) as playoff
teams; neither finished within five games of a postseason slot. The Bullets, Bobcats, and Hawks all missing
the playoffs (all made it, as your five, seven, and eight seeds, respectively).
Worth respecting in the Eastern Conference? I got the Pacers and Heat as division champs
right; I got the 76ers and Bucks as doormats of the league right, and while
many of you will mock my preseason prediction for champion (your Brooklyn Nets)
… uuh, if they get by Toronto in the opening round, the dirty little secret of
this postseason? Is that the Nets didn’t
lose to Miami all season long.
Worth mocking in the Western Conference? Honestly?
Look at those predictions. The
ONLY thing I whiffed on, was the Lakers making the playoffs (instead of the
Mavericks). We’re nit picking who the
eight seed is. Good God, I nailed these
picks!
Worth respecting in the Western Conference? I nailed all three division champs (Clips,
Thunder, Spurs), I nailed 7 of 8 playoff teams (only whiffing on the Lakers /
Mavs), and even got the order of division champs right, in addition to actually
correctly predicting a series (2 Thunder vs 7 Grizzlies). You’re welcome.
Having noted that … I’m not changing my preseason pick on
who wins the O’Brien. I am changing my
pick for the bridesmaid award, as the runner up. And I am most definitely changing … how we
get there.
--------------------
Eastern Conference:
1 Indiana Pacers vs 8 Atlanta Hawks.
Game 1: at Pacers, Saturday April 19, 6pm CT (ESPN).
Game 2: at Pacers, Tuesday, April 22, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Hawks, Thursday April 24, 6pm CT (NBA).
Game 4: at Hawks: Saturday, April 26, 1pm CT (TNT).
Thoughts / Commentary: only one game slated for the NBA TV
channel? David Stern would have
relegated at least two of this series to his league’s channel! (Pause).
What? (Pause). Really?
They’re in the playoffs? And they’re
the seven seed? OK, fine – even the
great David Stern, would have only dumped one of these nearly unwatchable
contests, onto those of us who pay for the privilege of enjoying this
Association.
In all seriousness, there have been five eight seeds, to
ever win a playoff series – the 1994 Denver Nuggets (who beat the Seattle
SuperSonics), the 1999 New York Knicks (who took advantage of a
lockout-shortened season to not just beat the Miami Heat, but knock off the
Atlanta Hawks in 4, and Indiana Pacers in 6, to reach the Finals), the 2007
Golden State Warriors (who sprung THE biggest upset in NBA history, knocking
off the Dallas Mavericks), the 2011 Memphis Grizzlies (who, if being honest,
didn’t really “upset” the San Antonio Spurs), and the 2012 Philadelphia 76ers
(who wouldn’t have won a game in the series, if Derrick Rose doesn’t blow out
his knee, late in game one for the Chicago Bulls).
The Pacers are reeling … but let’s be honest here. The Hawks are not winning this series. I’ll be stunned if they win more than a
game. Not meant as a knock on the Hawks –
they’re doing this the right way. Tear
it down, and build it up from the ground floor.
Sneaking into the postseason was a bonus. Especially considering the added pick(s)
coming their way the next few years, via the Joe Johnson trade.
Prediction: Pacers in five.
2 Miami Heat vs 7 Charlotte Bobcats.
Game 1: at Heat, Sunday, April 20, 2:30pm CT (ABC).
Game 2: at Heat, Wednesday, April 23, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Bobcats, Saturday, April 26, 6pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at Bobcats, Monday, April 28, 6pm CT (TNT).
Thoughts / Commentary:
Really? Not a single game of this
utterly unwatchable trainwreck, has been dumped onto the NBA Network? Really?
Also, what’s more dated, less classy, and more worthless –
me cracking a “
not even Nathan Scott can save the Charlotte Bobcats” joke … or ESPN
SportsCenter leading with “hey, remember that time, when Jimmy Buffett was
forcibly evicted from a Heat playoff game for spouting obscenities at the
officials” reference? I lean Buffett, if
only because … sorry, I have to do it …
“If we weren’t all crazy?
We would go insane!”
Prediction: Heat in five.
Nathan Scott finds a way to hit the game winner in game four, to prevent
the sweep.
3 Toronto Raptors vs 6 Brooklyn Nets.
Game 1: at Raptors, Saturday, April 19, 6:30pm CT (NBA).
Game 2: at Raptors, Tuesday, April 22, 7pm CT (NBA).
Game 3: at Nets, Friday, April 25, 6pm CT (ESPN2).
Game 4: at Nets, Sunday, April 27, 6pm CT (TNT).
Thoughts / Commentary: THIS … is the best first round series
on paper. I know – every other NBA fan
is drooling over the West’s 3/6 matchup (and to be fair, I am too), but
THIS? Is THE best first round series on
paper.
Because I would argue, the ENTIRE postseason, relies on this
series.
If my predicted winner emerges victorious? The Eastern Conference gets thrown into
potential chaos. If Drake’s homeboys
emerge victorious? The Heat can lock in
the cruise control dial, all the way to the Finals.
Prediction: Nets in six.
And the Eastern Conference playoffs get thrown wide, wide open, as a
result.
4 Chicago Bulls vs 5 Washington Wizards.
Game 1: at Bulls, Sunday, April 20, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 2: at Bulls, Tuesday, April 22, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Wizards, Friday, April 25, 7pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at Wizards, Sunday, April 27, noon CT (ABC).
Thoughts / Commentary: Care to guess who had the Association’s
best record after the All-Star break?
Yup, your Chicago Bulls (because they will NEVER, be my, Chicago
Bulls).
Having said that … the franchise still affectionately
referred to as the Bullets by any true fan of this Association, is more than
capable of winning this series. If you
are just a casual fan of this league, please – block off three hours of time
next Sunday, to catch game four. You not
only won’t regret it, you’ll find yourself saying things like “holy crap,
Bradley Beal! John Wall! This is one fun team to watch!”
(And you'll also find yourself saying "holy crap, Randy Wittman! How is this man a head coach of a NBA team?")
Prediction: Wizards in six.
Eastern Conference Semi Finals:
5 Wizards over 1 Pacers in six. The Pacers are spent. A junior high team with just one potential
prospect to go pro six or seven years down the line, would find a way to beat the Hawks.
But the Pacers are spent. They
aren’t surviving the Bulls / Wizards winner … especially if it’s the Wiz.
Why am I picking the Nets over the Heat? For four reasons:
1. Friday, November 1st: Nets 101, Heat 100, at
Brooklyn.
2. Friday, January 10th: Nets 104, Heat 95, at
Brooklyn.
3. Monday, March 10th: Nets 96, Heat 95, at
Miami.
4. Tuesday, April 8th: Nets 88, Heat 87, at
Miami.
I know, I know – they won three of the four games, by a
point. Which is kind of the point,
right? They WON the damned games! Miami failed to come through even once
against Brooklyn this year. It’s kind of
like Chiefs / raiders from the last twenty years in oakland. Every year, it’s close. And every year, the Chiefs win. Be it on an Andre Rison touchdown (1997), a Pete
Stoyanovich field goal (1999), a Greg Wesley goalline tackle (2003), a Tony
Gonzalez touchdown (2004), a goalline stand on 4th and goal (2005),
a Jarrad Page touchdown (2007) – the directions to the outcome may have varied,
but the outcome always remained the same.
Nets in six. Write it
in Sharpie permanent ink.
Eastern Conference Finals:
6 Nets over 5 Wizards in seven. Look it, the Wiz are probably my favorite
team to watch on the League Pass. I’m
pretty sure there’s a permanent drool mark on my carpet, from where the drool
watching Bradley Beal play, has collected all year.
But why can’t the Nets do this? Are you telling me that KG and P-squared’s
last gasp, coupled with Joe Johnson’s first gasp, and a healthy side of “pick a
Plumlee brother”, can’t get this done?
(Note: I have no damned clue which Plumlee is with Brooklyn, and which
is with Phoenix. And I don’t care enough
to figure it out.)
I picked the Nets six months ago. I’ve seen nothing in the last two months, at
least, to dissuade me from that pick, seeing as the Nets have the East’s second
best record since the All Star break, and only Chicago and San Antonio have
fared better overall.
Eastern Conference Champions: 6 Brooklyn Nets.
--------------------
Western Conference:
1 San Antonio Spurs vs 8 Dallas Mavericks.
Game 1: at Spurs, Sunday, April 20, noon CT (TNT).
Game 2: at Spurs, Wednesday, April 23, 7pm CT (NBA).
Game 3: at Mavericks, Saturday, April 26, 3:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 4: at Mavericks, Monday, April 28, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Thoughts / Commentary: A person can make a credible
argument, that the Mavs / Spurs semi-finals showdown in 2006, was the greatest
playoff series of the last twenty years.
(The only other candidate in the discussion I’ll consider, is Lakers /
Kings Western Finals in 2002.) This,
sadly, isn’t going to match 2006’s greatness (which saw the Mavs win in
overtime in Game Seven, at San Antonio, in the game that established Dirk’s
greatness once and for all).
Prediction: Spurs in four.
All four will be competitive … but all four will be victories, for the
ABA franchise that has called both Dallas and San Antonio home, in its
franchise’s existence.
2 Oklahoma City Thunder vs 7 Memphis Grizzlies.
Game 1: at Thunder, Saturday, April 19, 8:30pm CT (ESPN).
Game 2: at Thunder, Monday, April 21, 7pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Grizzlies, Thursday, April 24, 7pm CT (TNT).
Game 4: at Grizzlies, Saturday, April 26, 8:30pm CT (ESPN).
Thoughts / Commentary: Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh!
Gotta say, the funniest Tweet of the year may have to be
given to John Hollinger, the Memphis GM who used to be ESPN.com’s resident geek
squad, who posted the “what moron at ESPN devised a system that gave us a 0.23%
chance of reaching the playoffs (as of Christmas Day)?” That moron, of course, was Mr.
Hollinger. I’ve said it before, and I’ll
say it again: I LOVE people, who can make fun of their own stupidity.
Prediction: Thunder in seven. But I am not sold on it at all. I could just as easily be talked into Grizz
in six.
3 Los Angeles Clippers vs 6 Golden State Warriors.
Game 1: at Clippers, Saturday, April 19, 2:30pm CT (ABC).
Game 2: at Clippers, Monday, April 21, 9:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Warriors, Thursday, April 24, 9:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 4: at Warriors, Sunday, April 27, 2:30pm CT (ABC).
Thoughts / Commentary: ABC is giving this series not one,
but two locked in national broadcasts.
(Three if it goes seven.) Like
ABC (and obviously the NBA), I agree this is going to be an epic series.
If Andrew Bogut was healthy (and yes, I realize how patently
absurd that assumption is), but if Andrew Bogut was healthy, I might pick the
upset. But go figure – he’s not
healthy. So I’m gonna take the chalk …
reluctantly.
Prediction: Clippers in seven. But I can talked into Warriors in six, even
five.
4 Houston Rockets vs 5 Portland Trail Blazers.
Game 1: at Rockets, Sunday, April 20, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 2: at Rockets, Wednesday, April 23, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at Trail Blazers, Friday, April 25, 9:30pm CT
(ESPN).
Game 4: at Trail Blazers, Sunday, April 27, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Thoughts / Commentary: The one upset I’m taking in the
West. Do yourself a favor, and catch at
least one game of this series. You’ll
start your own drool spot on the carpet, watching Damian Lillard and LaMarcus
Aldridge, do their thing.
Prediction: Trail Blazers in five.
Western Conference Semi Finals:
1 Spurs over 5 Trail Blazers in five. They staged an epic semi-finals battle twenty
five years ago, when the Blazers beat the Spurs in double overtime of Game Seven
of the 1990 Western Semis. This one, won’t
be as memorable.
3 Clippers over 2 Thunder in six. I picked OKC to win the West in my preseason
predictions. I am changing that half of
the Finals prediction, in the playoff picks.
There’s just something off with these guys. Plus, I trust Doc Rivers a helluva lot more
than Scotty Brooks, with a game and/or series on the line.
Western Conference Finals:
1 Spurs over 3 Clippers in seven. Could be the most epic conference finals
matchup since Kings / Lakers in 2002, or Bulls / Pacers in 1998. I have very, very high hopes, for this
series.
Western Conference Champions: 1 San Antonio Spurs.
--------------------
The Finals:
6 Brooklyn Nets over 1 San Antonio Spurs in six. The Finals is, uuh, finally, going to a
2-2-1-1-1 format that every other series uses.
This year’s Finals will be very, very hard pressed to top
last year’s – the Heat’s epic game six comeback to force, and ultimately win,
game seven is something no fan of this sport, and this Association, will ever
forget.
Call me a dreamer, say I’m a little naïve … but I did pick
Brooklyn to win it back in October. I’ve
not seen anything I am incapable of blindly ignoring, over the last six months,
to make me change my pick.
NBA Champions: Brooklyn Nets.
Enjoy the games folks.
Forty games in forty nights! Even
Chuck Barkley will have a drool spot on the studio floor, by night twenty six …
