(fear! the! deer! photo: bucks.com. and yes, its leading off every post until milwaukee bites the dust. or a different photo grabs my attention. fear! the! deer!!!)
A couple more things I meant to mention in the massive post earlier today, and simply left off.
* The top seeds.
Song that describes this section: “Crying Won’t Help You Now” by Ben Harper:
“You sit there and call me
A liar and a cheat;
I just wish you’d pin a rose on me.
Now you won’t even
Come out and take a bow –
Crying won’t help you now.
Crying won’t help you now …”
Seems like most fans, experts, and even casual observers are thinking a Lakers / Cavaliers showdown is inevitable. To which I say, uuh, really?
Here’s your last ten NBA finals matchups:
2000: (1) Lakers over (1) Pacers in 6.
2001: (2) Lakers over (1) 76ers in 5.
2002: (3) Lakers over (1) Nets in 4.
2003: (1) Spurs over (2) Nets in 6.
2004: (3) Pistons over (2) Lakers in 5.
2005: (2) Spurs over (2) Pistons in 7.
2006: (2) Heat over (4) Mavericks in 6.
2007: (3) Spurs over (2) Cavaliers in 4.
2008: (1) Celtics over (1) Lakers in 6.
2009: (1) Lakers over (3) Magic in 5.
Only four (1) seeds have won the title (out of ten). Only eight (1) seeds have reached the Finals (out of twenty). So if you’re betting on a Lakers / Cavs final, you might want to rethink your ante. Odds are, neither team is making the Finals, based on recent playoff history.
* Playoff seeding matters.
Song that describes this section: “Two Pink Lines” by Eric Church:
“She was pacing back and forth
On her front porch;
I pulled up slingin’ gravel
In my daddy’s Ford.
She cried all the way
To Johnson’s store;
I kept the motor running
As I parked by the door ...
One means none,
And we’re home free;
Two means three,
And a diamond ring …
Yeah, wondering what fate
Is gonna decide
We’re just sitting around
Waiting on two pink lines,
Sitting around waiting on
Two pink lines …”
Take another look at those twenty teams above. Only once has a team seeded lower than (3) reached the Finals since the turn of the century, the 2006 Mavericks. And even that is screwy: the way the NBA used to seed teams, division winners were guaranteed the top three seeds. Dallas actually had the second best record in the NBA in 2006. They weren’t a fluke; they were a (2) seed forced to open in the (4) slot. (As a side note, the 2006 playoff seeding was so effed up, that the (6) Clippers wound up with home court advantage against the (3) Nuggets. The NBA changed seeding rules after that debacle).
If you like the Spurs as your dark horse, history is not on your side.
* “Survivor” last night.
Song that describes this section: “Crawling in the Dark” by Hoobastank:
“I wish I could know,
That the choices that I make,
And the directions that I take,
Won’t end up all for nothing!
Show me what’s its for!
Make me understand it!
I’ve been crawling in the dark,
Looking for the answer.
Is there something more
Than what I’ve been handed?
I’ve been crawling in the dark,
Looking for the answer …”
Holy crap, how effing retarded is JT? How did this guy ever win a “Survivor”? How? Its one thing to assume (incorrectly) that there’s an all-girl alliance picking off the male villains. Its quite another thing to, I don’t know, find the hidden immunity idol, you know, that thing that GUARANTEES you cannot be voted off … and give it to the last standing male ON THE OTHER TRIBE!!!
And even more ridiculous … the ENTIRE heroes tribe was good with this! They actually thought this was a good move! There’s stupid, and then there’s stupid. This has to rank amongst the single most retarded decisions ever made on the show. (Not surprisingly, Colby was involved. You know, the guy who flushed a million bucks down the proverbial crapper by keeping Tina and taking her to the final tribal council over despised Keith. Apparently he’s learned nothing in nine years of financial regret).
So now, the villains tribe has both immunity idols, the heroes tribe (incorrectly) thinks there’s an all-chick alliance, and Russell (arguably the single greatest player to ever play this game) is at the halfway point with the heroes tribe backing him, and his own tribe doing everything he says, and he’s got an idol to boot. The man is a genius. He is an absolute effing genius.
* Rock solid wine tasting from a winery in, uuh, Rocheport.
Song that describes this section: “Slow Hand” by … hang on, I have to do this right:
(peter griffin voice) ok, think Peter. You need a distraction. I know! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty!
“Darlin’ don’t say a word!
I’ve already heard!
What your body’s saying to mine.
If you want all night,
You know its alright,
I’ve got time!
You’ve got a man with a slow hand.
You’ve got a lover with an easy touch.
You’ve got somebody who will spend some time,
Not come and go in a heated rush.
Baby believe me, I understand –
When it comes to love, you want a slow hand …”
(note: this song just kills me. First of all, its atrocious. I mean really, no matter whose version you pick, the crappy Pointer Sisters version or the absolutely horrendous Conway Twitty version, its awful. Secondly, hearing a (at the time) 60 plus year old man talking about making out with a chick’s private areas with his hands just slays me. Yeah, that’s a turn on. “Hey baby. I might not be able to get it up anymore, but you’ve got a man with … (wait for it …) a slow hand! You’ve got a lover with … (wait for it …) an easy touch!” Just horrendous to think about. And hilarious at the same time. Especially the way the Twitty version ends. He’s almost breathless in the final chorus run-through, like he’s actually been using said hand while singing about it. Its hysterical. In a completely f*cked up, you can’t look away kind of way).
So Tuesday night, I did the unthinkable, and gave up watching “Lost” live to go to a wine tasting event. Put on by the Les Bourgeois Winery based in Rocheport, Missouri.
And man, did it kick serious (yellow) tail. It put the (little) penguin to shame.
I’ve always liked their Riverboat Red since the first time I had it a couple years ago. Tuesday was the first time I’d tried any of their other varieties, and I gotta admit, I didn’t hate any of them.
I’m a red wine guy, preferably drier. I’m a shiraz and syrah fan. So me liking the Riverboat Red says something because it’s a very sweet red. I’m also not a big fan of white wine, save for Relax and Polka Dot reisling’s. But Les Bourgeois makes a really good white, Riverboat White. They make a really good white zin called Pink Fox. They make a truly remarkable syrah type wine in the Norton. Plus, the guy presenting (the owner of the winery) gave a great presentation. I know some people were upset because “I wanted to just drink”. I found the guy to be really informative. Explained a lot about how you age wines, how you can alter the alcohol content in them based on sugar vs acidic levels.
(It also didn’t help that our designated pourer was pretty smoking hot).
Needless to say, on the way up to Indy next month, I’m carving out an extra 90 minutes to go on a tour of the Les Bourgeois Winery. Should be well worth the money.
And yes, I’m giving up watching next week’s “Lost” live to go to the beer tasting event I’ve waited a lifetime for. Two words.
Shiner.
Bock.
My favorite brewery, putting on a presentation here in KC. You’re damned right I signed up for this bad boy over two months ago. Tuesday night, they had some of the Shiner products already in the presentation room, getting ready for next week. It was really, really hard to avoid grabbing a case or two on my way out the door, you know, as a “quality control” measure, to make sure they were up to Shiner standards …
Finally, the “controversial”, “outrageous”, “let’s call Shannon now, Steve needs to be committed as soon as effing possible!” posting moment of the day, the week, the year, or a lifetime …
* NBA Second Round Upset of a Generation.
Song that describes this section: “Wherever You Will Go” by the Calling:
“So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my place
When I’m gone, you’ll need love
To light the shadows on your face …
If a great wave shall fall,
Shall fall upon us all.
Well then I hope there’s someone out there
Who can bring me back to you!
If I could, then I would,
I’ll go wherever you will go!
Way up high, or down low,
I’ll go wherever you will go …”
Let the LBJ sweepstakes begin.
Because I’m sticking my neck out on the line with arguably the most ridiculous upset prediction you’ll find from anyone who follows the League as much as I do.
Boston over Cleveland in 6.
There is no logical reason to pick the Celtics to even win a game, should they survive the first round. They limp into the postseason (literally).
But when the chips are on the table, when the stakes are at their highest, who do you trust most. Do you want Antwan Jamison … or Paul Pierce, taking the 15 footer down two. Do you want Ilgauskis … or KG, posting up and spinning around the other inside the paint?
Do you want JJ Hickson … or Rajon Rondo driving from the top of the key? Do you want Mo Williams … or Ray Allen hoisting a three as the shot clock expires?
Yes, Cleveland will have the best player on the floor. A lot of good that’s done them after the first round, though. LBJ has delivered epic postseason performance after epic postseason performance. Two game winners in his first playoff series against the Wizards in 2006. The Cavs fell to Detroit in the next round. The “48 point special” against Detroit in the 2007 playoffs. He didn’t bother to show up in the Finals against the Spurs. The 45 point game 7 against Boston in 2008 … a game the Cavs lost with a defensive showing in the fourth quarter that rivals the 2000 Blazers collapse in LA. The dramatic “holy sh*t!” game winning three against Orlando last year in game 2 … the last game Cleveland would win that season.
LBJ and his supporting cast are good. But they’re not better than a motivated Celtics team. I don’t know, maybe I’m completely misreading this. But I really think Boston is this year’s “last gasp veteran team”. Most folks think its San Antonio. I think its Boston. Again, I might be misreading this totally. But I’m sticking by this crazy reach. A Boston / Orlando Eastern final. A Dallas / LA Lakers Western final. And Orlando over Dallas in six to bring the O’Brien Trophy to central Florida for the first time.
I am firmly convinced either the Celtics or Spurs are this year’s “where did they come from” team that suspends the demons of time and wear and tear and aging one final time. One of the two will reach the conference finals. My money’s on Boston. Even if they have to somehow overcome LBJ and the Cavs to do it …
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