the post i'm working on ...

... is the (in)Defensible Twenty Seven.

The Twenty Seven Worst Songs on my iPhone / iTunes / iPod / iNsert Ihere.  They're all there for a reason.  All twenty seven of which?  Are defensible.  At least to me.

Here's your preview:

Hope to have posted in full by Friday ...

a site preview for the next week

(scott hall voice) Hey ... yo.

(this is where he'd choke on his toothpick ...)

I apologize for the lack of posting so far this year.  I offer no defense, other than, you know, I am the entire (bleeping) accounting department in "company I work for".  It's me, only me, and nobody else than me (for another ten days.  And then, finally, help is on its way!  (Pause).  And those of you who know me best, know I do not believe coincidence.  Of COURSE the person hired to help me is named Dusty.  Dios con mio.)

So here's what coming in the next 6-7 days, since (gasp!) I actually am taking some legitimate PTO next week!  No, not a "burn the day and log in three times just because" PTO day -- a legitimate, credible, "I'm leaving the laptop at work for a week" PTO day!  Yay me!  I haven't had one of those since June 2012, sadly enough.  I'm gonna embrace this next week like it was the greatest thing since wine in a box!

* a fake mailbag four weeks in the making.  In the interest of full disclosure, a few (allegedly) legitimate questions and (allegedly) legitimate answers have yet to fail to make me laugh out loud, when proofing where it's at so far.

* my "cd review" of Eric Church's new album, "The Outsiders".  (In the interest of full disclosure, Mr. Church is one of my four favorite artists at this current time, along with Brantley Gilbert, Gavin DeGraw, and MGMT.  (And to think people actually ask why I'm in charge of the playlist for tailgating.  Really?)  The last time I saw Mr. Church in concert, this happened.  I'll just simply say, nothing on his latest effort, approaches the greatness from that hot as hell August night at Sandstone three years ago.

* "The World's Longest NCAA Tournament Prediction Post", which should check in at about 22 pages when it's all said and done ... at least 2 of which will be devoted to mocking Duke University.

* and if anything else strikes me, I might post a quick comment or fifty on it.

My last two weeks have been damned close to unbearable, and I have one more day from hell to endure tomorrow at the job.  Then I get a couple weeks to breathe, before the annual audit kicks into high gear and steals me away for another two months.

Until then, I give you ... my single favorite and funniest moment of all time.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Junior:



There's comedy, there's high comedy ... and then there's the Vice President of the United States telling a quadrapalegic to "stand up".

Enjoy the second funnest weekend of March, everyone -- conference tourney weekend.  Because the best weekend of March -- hell, the best weekend of the year until Indy 500 time -- starts in less than a week ...

manana

Every non-Chiefs week 11 prediction, and possibly the Chiefs / Patriots prediction.  I have to be honest -- common sense says we lose 44-3.

And yet, I can't shake the fact that every time we play these guys, it is far, far closer than it has any right to be.  Consider the last six times we've played each other:

1. The opener in 2008, when we lost on the last play of the game.

2. The Chiefs win on Thanksgiving weekend in 2005, when it took 3 INTs by "Cut" greg wesley to pull it off.

3. The Monday Nighter in 2004, when we should have lost by 50, and had the ball with a chance to tie at the two minute warning.

4. The great "What If" of the Vermeil era, when Priest scored as time expired in 2002, and we opted to go for one and overtime, instead of two and the win.  (For what it's worth ... I still agree with that decision.)

5. The Monday Nighter in 2000, when Grbac's final throw into the end zone was dropped by Tony G as time expired.

6. The "Holy Sh*t, What the F*ck Just Happened Here?!?!" moment of a lifetime in 1999, when Adam Vinatieri had a 23 yard field goal as time expired to win ... and SHANKED it left.  I sat in section 109 that day.  I had a perfect view of the kick.  To this day, I have no damned idea how he missed it.

There is not one logical reason to believe the Chiefs can win this game.

Which is probably why I honestly believe we can.  But no matter what, if our "good friends" from the NFC North take care of business at home?  We still control our own destiny after this game.

You gotta love the worst division in NFL history.  Congrats: you're off the hook, 2010 NFC West and 1989 AFC Central ...

coming manana ...

The Week Seven Predictions. Gotta be honest -- I'm still debating the opening theme for this week, and whichever one I choose, dictates the next two Chiefs predictions posts. There's two songs I want to use, and both apply, no matter which week, no matter said result on Sunday. (Which ... hell, spoil it early: Chiefs 29, raiders 13. This is the blowout we've been waiting 300 some odd days for ...)

But before I post my official thoughts tomorrow, I just want to record for history's sake the conversation that went down in the second game of bowling tonight:

(stevo) so, y'all coming Sunday?
(kellie) i think so! depends on how he feels though.
(stevo) (in shock) really? No. Really?
(kellie) we'll be there.
(stevo) you better be! We're united in hatred twice a year, godd*mmit!
(kellie) (offers high five!)
(stevo) (returns high five!)

So to all of you who bailed after week two, do yourself a favor. Look at the standings. Look at this week's schedule. Look at next week's schedule. And do the mother f*cking math. We're six hours of quality football away from playing for first place, with the eyes of the nation upon us. I'm gonna guess that other than myself and the (always) "Voice of Reason", NOBODY saw this coming ...

(mitch holtgus voice) its raiders week baybee!

And coming early tomorrow, since I worked on it quite a bit today, my 27 favorite Chiefs / raiders throwdowns, showdowns, hoedowns of my memory's lifetime. (OK, post-1985). And actually, there's only 24 games in there; 3 of said favorite memories are Chiefs and/or other assorted league personnel putting the raiders in their place.

Hopefully you'll enjoy it. Let's just say, choosing between 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 was EXTREMELY difficult. In NO particular order, my top 5 Chiefs / raiders games were:

* the wildcard win by the Chiefs in 1991.
* LJ's touchdown as time expired in 2005.
* tim brown falling down in front of james hasty in 1995. (back judge?!?! what back judge?!?!)
* "andre rison has just burned al davis' house down" in 1997. and
* "tim brown ... caught! but, but NOT in the end zone! NOT in the end zone!" from 2003.

And if I remember right, 6 was a raiders win, arguably the most painful regular season defeat the Chiefs have suffered in my lifetime. (12 years later, I can admit it was a game I'll never forget. A game for the ages. Scroll down to numero uno on the list I suspect "The Voice of Reason" still remembers it for this conversation about two hours after we got home that evening:

(gregg) (angry as hell)
(gregg) let's go.
(stevo) (optimistic gregg is buying a couple rounds at a bar) where to, boss!
(gregg) the store.
(stevo) (dejectedly) what?
(gregg) I just realized I weigh as much as Donnie Edwards.
(stevo) (total smart ass move) you JUST now realized this?!?!
(gregg) (glares at me with a "one more smart ass remark and you're in the county morgue" look) I'm getting in shape. I need a scale.
(stevo) (not realizing "the voice of reason" is about to pull a "stevo")and you need me to go because?
(gregg) if I see anyone in silver and black, I need to hand you my wallet and my keys.
(stevo) (utterly confused) ok. Why?
(gregg) to drive the car to an ATM, to take out enough to post my bail.

I take certain losses hard. Usually to a team that wears blue and orange. Let's just say ... as bad as I took the loss to denver in 2002 (didn't show up for work until Thursday) ... Gregg had me beat by a wide country mile with the loss in the Y2K bowl. If only because all week, he said we'd lose. (Note to self: if "The Voice of Reason" thinks we're losing Sunday, put a hit out on his vocal chords ...)

Coming Thursday: the week 7 picks. Riddle me this Batman: if the Jets cover at home as 1 1/2 point favorites, and the Chiefs take care of business as a (rapidly plummeting) 2 point dog in the Bay (opened at 4 1/2) ... what happens on Halloween Night at Arrowhead?

(adam west voice) that's a riddle? It's way too obvious, Joker! It's a "winner is in first place, loser is in trouble!" showdown!

Finally, it sucks that it happened on raiders week, but a man I am PROUD to have sat by for the last eleven years, passed away on Sunday morning. I know Gregg (with 3 G's) hates oakland even more than I hate denver (if that's even possible, and amazingly it is), but Greg (with 2 G's) hates oakland even more than my ex-roomie does. So please, keep his wife in your thoughts and prayers. Saturday is going to suck big time. But I gotta believe, as he's setting the ball on the tee for his 8am round with God, that's he's negotiating a win on Sunday. Rest in peace man. We've now lost the two best fans Section 132 was ever privileged enough to call its own. I only hope I can someday be half the Chiefs fan you and Randy were.

a look at the week ahead

So here’s the plan for the week.

I already posted my season long predictions*, a couple weeks ago. (If you missed them, where the hell have you been? I was early this year, rather than scrambling to get them emailed, let alone posted, with 5 seconds to spare before Thursday night kickoff!!!) I posted my thoughts on the Right 53 this morning (which, go figure, has already changed, as we apparently signed an offensive tackle today and released Anthony Becht, a move I whole-heartedly endorse, no matter who said offensive tackle is.)

(*: I stand behind my Super Bowl prediction. This is the season we have waited a freaking lifetime for, Chiefs fans. We have waited a lifetime for what awaits us.)

I am currently working on a Chiefs / MLB / summer flashback mailbag that I hope to get up on Wednesday. (I have a fantasy football draft tomorrow night, at Ugly Joe’s at 7pm (103rd and State Line). So if anyone wants to come out and mock my inept drafting procedures, feel free! We’ll be there until at least 10ish if past history of this league holds up.

The picks should go up Thursday, and I’ll probably email them out to the regular distribution list on Friday morning, as tradition dictates. (If you aren’t on said distribution list, leave your email address in the comments, I’ll add you to the nearly 30 person list! Holy crap, who would have thought that 20 years ago, when Gregg and I merged competing gambling pools in study hall together just for the hell of it, that not just 20 years of sweet friendship would emerge, but 20 years of horrendous gambling predictions would emerge as well! And that people actually look forward to seeing who I take against the spread each week! Oh. Now I get it. You bet the opposite. Smart thinking, very smart thinking …)

I am taking (or planning to take) Friday off to get the tailgating buses in working order. Thank God, “The Beast” fired up earlier today. It took two days last September to get that thing a charge, let alone turn over when you put a key in the ignition.

(Oh, and you will notice one VERY, VERY important “change” on the interior of “The Beast” if you are familiar with the setup. I believe it is amongst my finest hours. Unless you’re a denver or raiders fan, then you might be “slightly upset” at my “fixing” the pennants for your respective hellholes of a franchise.)

Also on Friday, I plan on putting the finishing touches on … wait for it … well, you’ll have to wait for it. But, but – if this thing nails together like I think it will, let’s just say, it’s on like Donkey Kong hitting a … pong?!?! I think this is amongst my most inspired ideas, and yes, I had been drinking, but if it works out like it looks like it will (we measured the boards today), let’s just say, beer pong has just been taken to a lower level!!! Wait. I mean, a higher level, yeah, a higher level! :)

Gameday Sunday, we’ll be there when the gates open. Grassy lot, to the immediate left (if you’re facing Arrowhead) or immediate right (if you’re facing Stadium Drive) of the G30 parking sign. Please, feel free to join us to kick this season off in style. Look for the red bus with a green football field roof and goalposts attached. Every one of you Chiefs fans in the stands, is one less Bills fan in there. Assuming anyone actually is a Bills fan. I think they all hopped off the bandwagon when Thurman Thomas retired. We don’t have a menu yet, waiting to see which tailgating groups are getting merged on Sunday to figure that out. But if you show up with some cold beer, you’ll be in like Sven with 95% of the folks there. (And if you show up with a handle of Polar Ice vodka, a couple bottled waters, and a couple Gatorade G2 packets, you’re in with 99% of the crowd. If “The Kid” shows up, feel free to bring a dugout to share, then you’re in like Sven across the board!)

Rumor has it there’s some delicious bacon-flavored vodka chilling in the fridge, to mix with an epic bloody mary mix, for this year’s traditional season-opening adult beverage. Screw it, it ain’t rumor, I’ve seen it. I’ve smelled it. Get your Milwaukeean on come 9:30am on Sunday readers! This team needs you, to start 2011 off as well as 2010 did!

Finally, and I cannot believe I am agreeing with Kevin Keitzman on something … but if you do come out on Sunday, and I hope every person clicking this page that is a Chiefs fan will do so … in case you’ve been living in a cave, like that eternal bastard that orchestrated what happened ten years ago on Sunday, then you know that Sunday is the ten year anniversary of 9/11.

I personally am honored to host a New York team on this awful day of remembrance. My dad’s side of the family is from New York, out Oyster Bay way in northern Long Island. My college roommate survived 9/11, literally spending that night in the shelled remains of a storefront just east of the World Trade Center complex (since the trains were shut down, and good luck finding a taxi to take you back to Queens). 9/11 is personal in a very personal way to me. So on Sunday, I join in calling for three things to happen:

a. do NOT boo the Buffalo Bills as they are introduced. You don’t have to cheer them – God knows I won’t, save for their head coach. But please, don’t boo them. Remember how EPIC Arrowhead was during the pregame ceremonies for the first game back after 9/11, against the Giants. And in that spirit …

b. let the National Anthem be the National Anthem for one day. It was on September 23, 2001. Nobody said “Home of the … CHIEFS” that day. On this day, please, repeat the honor. These bastards didn’t attack the Chiefs Kingdom, they attacked all of NFL Nation. For one day, let the Anthem play out as Francis Scott Key intended it to be read. And most importantly …

c. WHATEVER your political persuasions, when President Obama gives his pre-taped speech before kickoff, please, do NOT boo OUR President. Root like hell for him, even if you have to vomit in the stands afterwards. I can’t stand the previous guy, but I gave President Bush the respect the office deserved during his speech post-9/11. Please, do the same for President Obama. After all, if THE biggest moment of noise explosion is not when the President is guaranteed to honor our brave heroes that popped a couple caps in osama bin ladin’s dome, then you just don’t understand football. I hope I go deaf for at least 30 minutes at the explosion of euphoria when the President announces “we hunted him, we caught him, and we ELIMINATED him!” God knows I’ll be clapping like a trained Navy SEAL and/or Pauler Abdul.

Oh, and a fourth, personal Stevo request:

d. Scott Pioli: whatever price she asks, whatever demands she, uuh, demands, please, Mr. Pioli -- get Ida McBeth out on that f*cking field to perform the National Anthem. If she's not ambulatory, back the Brinks truck up to Rev. Hal Weeks. But one of those two NEEDS to sing on Sunday. Preferably the INCREDIBLE Ms. McBeth. But I'm cool with Reverend Weeks too.

(Update 9/6 9:09pm: the Chiefs have emailed out the pregame program. David Cook on the Anthem, a flyover, first responders holding a field-sized flag, and Robert DeNiro narrating a 9/11 tribute. The ONLY thing not mentioned? The balloon launch. Please, Mr. Pioli: the yellow building blocks, six of them, with the lower case c h i e f s. And fill 'em up with red, white and blue balloons to your hearts content.)

Have a great week! The season of our lifetimes is about to kick off …

coming later today ...

Sorry the live blog crashed last night after pick 16. For some reason, when it rains, my internet connection is pretty crappy. It crashed about 9pm last night and didn't come back up until almost 10pm.

Anyways, another massive multi-page Word doc post coming later today! (aka, "Steve blows off work to write about stuff he actually cares about!")

Lots of stuff I want to hit on, including ...

* David Stern's ridiculous, pathetic, offensive defense of NBA officiating.
* Team Durant's home crowd last night. (Note to Atlanta fans: THAT'S how you (color) out an arena!)
* NBA playoff thoughts.
* Potential NFL schedule overview. (still thinking this one over. Might be a separate post, as I usually do. Because the prime-time schedule this year really is that damned solid, and major props to Howard Kutz, who creates the schedule, for making the 3pm games just as solid as the prime time offerings, that rarely happens).
* Chiefs first round draft thoughts.
* AFC West rivals first round drafts thoughts.
* The dumbest "Survivor" player ever? JT has to be in the conversation now ...
* "Lost" thoughts. (My quack "yeah right" theory is still alive!)
* Bowling thoughts.
* Potential mini-fake-mailbag. (still thinking this one over. Not enough funny, stupid, intriguing, and/or inquisitive emails lately to comment on).
* some political thoughts. Including Hillary's Esquire interview that in my mind all but guarantees ... well, you have to wait for my thoughts.

And most stunningly of all ...
* Steve defends Trey Hillman?!?! Really?!?! My most hated manager / coach in sports, presiding over a 6-9 club, a club I swore I'd boycott because of his utter incompetence, and I'm gonna defend him?!?! Its must read blogging!

(beavis and butthead voice) huh huh. He said "6 9". Yeah, I can find a sexual reference in just about anything. Good grief, I need to pay a visit to everyone's favorite shack in unincorporated Douglas County ...

as our great history teacher in high school would say, "stay tuned ..."