Monday, September 5, 2011

a look at the week ahead

So here’s the plan for the week.

I already posted my season long predictions*, a couple weeks ago. (If you missed them, where the hell have you been? I was early this year, rather than scrambling to get them emailed, let alone posted, with 5 seconds to spare before Thursday night kickoff!!!) I posted my thoughts on the Right 53 this morning (which, go figure, has already changed, as we apparently signed an offensive tackle today and released Anthony Becht, a move I whole-heartedly endorse, no matter who said offensive tackle is.)

(*: I stand behind my Super Bowl prediction. This is the season we have waited a freaking lifetime for, Chiefs fans. We have waited a lifetime for what awaits us.)

I am currently working on a Chiefs / MLB / summer flashback mailbag that I hope to get up on Wednesday. (I have a fantasy football draft tomorrow night, at Ugly Joe’s at 7pm (103rd and State Line). So if anyone wants to come out and mock my inept drafting procedures, feel free! We’ll be there until at least 10ish if past history of this league holds up.

The picks should go up Thursday, and I’ll probably email them out to the regular distribution list on Friday morning, as tradition dictates. (If you aren’t on said distribution list, leave your email address in the comments, I’ll add you to the nearly 30 person list! Holy crap, who would have thought that 20 years ago, when Gregg and I merged competing gambling pools in study hall together just for the hell of it, that not just 20 years of sweet friendship would emerge, but 20 years of horrendous gambling predictions would emerge as well! And that people actually look forward to seeing who I take against the spread each week! Oh. Now I get it. You bet the opposite. Smart thinking, very smart thinking …)

I am taking (or planning to take) Friday off to get the tailgating buses in working order. Thank God, “The Beast” fired up earlier today. It took two days last September to get that thing a charge, let alone turn over when you put a key in the ignition.

(Oh, and you will notice one VERY, VERY important “change” on the interior of “The Beast” if you are familiar with the setup. I believe it is amongst my finest hours. Unless you’re a denver or raiders fan, then you might be “slightly upset” at my “fixing” the pennants for your respective hellholes of a franchise.)

Also on Friday, I plan on putting the finishing touches on … wait for it … well, you’ll have to wait for it. But, but – if this thing nails together like I think it will, let’s just say, it’s on like Donkey Kong hitting a … pong?!?! I think this is amongst my most inspired ideas, and yes, I had been drinking, but if it works out like it looks like it will (we measured the boards today), let’s just say, beer pong has just been taken to a lower level!!! Wait. I mean, a higher level, yeah, a higher level! :)

Gameday Sunday, we’ll be there when the gates open. Grassy lot, to the immediate left (if you’re facing Arrowhead) or immediate right (if you’re facing Stadium Drive) of the G30 parking sign. Please, feel free to join us to kick this season off in style. Look for the red bus with a green football field roof and goalposts attached. Every one of you Chiefs fans in the stands, is one less Bills fan in there. Assuming anyone actually is a Bills fan. I think they all hopped off the bandwagon when Thurman Thomas retired. We don’t have a menu yet, waiting to see which tailgating groups are getting merged on Sunday to figure that out. But if you show up with some cold beer, you’ll be in like Sven with 95% of the folks there. (And if you show up with a handle of Polar Ice vodka, a couple bottled waters, and a couple Gatorade G2 packets, you’re in with 99% of the crowd. If “The Kid” shows up, feel free to bring a dugout to share, then you’re in like Sven across the board!)

Rumor has it there’s some delicious bacon-flavored vodka chilling in the fridge, to mix with an epic bloody mary mix, for this year’s traditional season-opening adult beverage. Screw it, it ain’t rumor, I’ve seen it. I’ve smelled it. Get your Milwaukeean on come 9:30am on Sunday readers! This team needs you, to start 2011 off as well as 2010 did!

Finally, and I cannot believe I am agreeing with Kevin Keitzman on something … but if you do come out on Sunday, and I hope every person clicking this page that is a Chiefs fan will do so … in case you’ve been living in a cave, like that eternal bastard that orchestrated what happened ten years ago on Sunday, then you know that Sunday is the ten year anniversary of 9/11.

I personally am honored to host a New York team on this awful day of remembrance. My dad’s side of the family is from New York, out Oyster Bay way in northern Long Island. My college roommate survived 9/11, literally spending that night in the shelled remains of a storefront just east of the World Trade Center complex (since the trains were shut down, and good luck finding a taxi to take you back to Queens). 9/11 is personal in a very personal way to me. So on Sunday, I join in calling for three things to happen:

a. do NOT boo the Buffalo Bills as they are introduced. You don’t have to cheer them – God knows I won’t, save for their head coach. But please, don’t boo them. Remember how EPIC Arrowhead was during the pregame ceremonies for the first game back after 9/11, against the Giants. And in that spirit …

b. let the National Anthem be the National Anthem for one day. It was on September 23, 2001. Nobody said “Home of the … CHIEFS” that day. On this day, please, repeat the honor. These bastards didn’t attack the Chiefs Kingdom, they attacked all of NFL Nation. For one day, let the Anthem play out as Francis Scott Key intended it to be read. And most importantly …

c. WHATEVER your political persuasions, when President Obama gives his pre-taped speech before kickoff, please, do NOT boo OUR President. Root like hell for him, even if you have to vomit in the stands afterwards. I can’t stand the previous guy, but I gave President Bush the respect the office deserved during his speech post-9/11. Please, do the same for President Obama. After all, if THE biggest moment of noise explosion is not when the President is guaranteed to honor our brave heroes that popped a couple caps in osama bin ladin’s dome, then you just don’t understand football. I hope I go deaf for at least 30 minutes at the explosion of euphoria when the President announces “we hunted him, we caught him, and we ELIMINATED him!” God knows I’ll be clapping like a trained Navy SEAL and/or Pauler Abdul.

Oh, and a fourth, personal Stevo request:

d. Scott Pioli: whatever price she asks, whatever demands she, uuh, demands, please, Mr. Pioli -- get Ida McBeth out on that f*cking field to perform the National Anthem. If she's not ambulatory, back the Brinks truck up to Rev. Hal Weeks. But one of those two NEEDS to sing on Sunday. Preferably the INCREDIBLE Ms. McBeth. But I'm cool with Reverend Weeks too.

(Update 9/6 9:09pm: the Chiefs have emailed out the pregame program. David Cook on the Anthem, a flyover, first responders holding a field-sized flag, and Robert DeNiro narrating a 9/11 tribute. The ONLY thing not mentioned? The balloon launch. Please, Mr. Pioli: the yellow building blocks, six of them, with the lower case c h i e f s. And fill 'em up with red, white and blue balloons to your hearts content.)

Have a great week! The season of our lifetimes is about to kick off …

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