chiefs! cards! quick recap!

Yup, its more senseless optimism! As I'm probably the only person who can take what we witnessed on Saturday and find some positives in it.

* We arrived at 2:50ish ... and weren't even close to being the first ones waiting in line. Anyone who says this isn't a football town, is as delusional as I am. And I'm scared to answer the door for fear a couple doctors in white coats from Charter or Two Rivers will be on the front porch ...

* The Star said the gates would open at 4. The Chiefs website seemed to indicate 3:30. Gates were wide open by 3:10. (tony bruno voice) Beautiful.

* You can't ask for better weather than what we had. Well, ok, I can, it wasn't hot enough for me. But mid 80s and sunny, that's a damned good day to fire up the grill, crack open a cold one, and tailgate away.

* I know its preseason, and no doubt once the real deal gets going people will come out of the woodwork ... but man was that place empty. For tailgating, we had 7 people ride out ... and one of our 7 was a newbie who'll likely make 1, maybe 2 regular season games this year. Gregg was there, as was Ashley, but his folks weren't. No sighting of Jason and his other half. Once again, like "Sur" William Callahan's defense last year, Brent was nowhere to be found.

(I kid, I kid. About comparing Brent to Bill Callahan's defense. Brent, sadly, was nowhere to be found, once again, on gameday. As the great KU football ad asked a few years ago, "Where Will You Be on Gameday?" In Brent's case, the answer clearly is "on the couch with Megan". On second thought, I apologize again, if I had that option, I'd bail on preseason action too for, uuh, some "quality time" on the "couch". Lucky man, that Brent is. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, lack of fans in attendance).

Inside the stadium, if there were 50,000 there at kickoff I'd be stunned. There were plenty of good seats available in 131 / 132. I suspect that will be a recurring theme this year. Unless everyone in KC starts drinking the Brodie Kool Aid and hops on the bandwagon (population two). Which reminds me --

* two updates / corrections from my "senseless optimism" column last week. First, I am fully aware that Troy Aikman is retired, has been retired for 7 years, and isn't going to play this year. I included him (a) for historical reference, and (b) because I guarantee you at least some Chiefs fans would rather have a 7 year rusted arm of Aikman under center this fall than Brodie. Which is sad. But probably true.

And two, I apologize: I'm not the only one who'll be out there through thick and thin. I apologize again to the ex-roommate. The single most die hard fan I know. Plus, Gregg is actually, you know, sane. He can answer the door without fear of some "medical facility's finest" being on the other side. So he has that going for him.

* The whole "show up early, could be issues getting in" articles flying around ... what a crock of, uuh, dung. I headed for the gates at 6:20. I was in my seat by 6:35. And that includes stopping for the first round and to pee. Which reminds me --

* I haven't adequately blasted the Chiefs organization for the abject travesty, embarrassment, and outrage that is the section 132 beer stand. Hell, its past outrage status, its almost to "Steve Marches on the UN to demand sanctions" status.

Up through the Bengals home opener in 2006, that was the single greatest beer stand ever. A wonderful woman by the name of Christine manned the station since ... well, for as long as I've been legal. She was kind, she was friendly, she wouldn't tolerate ordering incompetence, my kind of girl.

And she always -- ALWAYS -- gave me the "Steve special", Boulevard Pale Ale in the 24 oz Bud Light glass for the 16 oz Bud Light price. In return, she got the difference in the form of a tip. Its win-win. For 5, 6, pushing 7 years, that was as good as it got. I'd even tell whoever I brought to the game with me when they'd go to buy a round, to just tell Christine "I'm with Steve". Worked every time, even for them.

(Note: yes, I too am frightened by the solid relationships I tend to enjoy with my liquor vendors. I had Jack at Big Daddy's Wines and Spirts in Lake Arlington. I had Al at Jack's Discount Liquors when we were in the 'Woods. For years I had Jennifer at Matchette Liquors, who rented us kegs and sold us the liquor at wholesale prices for the annual Blow Up the Backyard Beer-BBQ Bonanza ... and for just about any occasion actually. She effing ruled. I had Christine at Arrowhead. I had Chris up at Twisters. I had Bree at Zig and Mac's. I'm on a first name basis with our beer vendor in 131 by name, even shoot the sh*t with Archie when he's got my section at Kauffman in the summer. And now, I've got Zamed at the Party Shop in the Apple Market. I'm not sure there's a lesson here, I'm just saying, it can be a good thing to know your adult beverage supplier. Anyways, back to my point, which was ...)

We had a great situation in 132. Then, between the Bengals and 49ers game that September ... the Chiefs redid the beer stand setup, removing the taps, going to straight plastic bottles ... and they moved Christine. Which pissed me off to no end. (I still haven't found her again. Which sucks. I'd walk out of my way to restore that relationship).

But I dealt with it. Its how I roll.

Until Saturday.

When "Coke", "Diet Coke", "Sprite", every non-alcoholic beverage available there in the past, is no longer available unless its part of a drink.

What. The. F*ck?!?!

So, I stroll up, and this is pretty much how it went:

(vendor dude) (rudely) yes?
(steve) (happier than dusty on 420 day) hey how are you! Uuh yeah, 2 Coors Lights and a Coke please.
(vendor dude) can't do that.
(steve) (stunned) huh?
(vendor dude) sir, I can't sell you that.
(steve) (thinks he gets it) oh, ID, I got it! Here you go! This is kind of neat, nobody asks me for this anymore! (reaches for wallet)
(vendor dude) (visibly hacked) no, sir, we no longer sell Coke individually. You have to purchase alcohol with it.
(steve) (befuddled) really?
(vendor dude) yes. Now, what do you want with your Coke.
(steve) well, its not for me, so I guess I don't need it.
(vendor dude) ok, 14.50.
(steve) for what?
(vendor dude) the Coors Lights.
(steve) f*ck that. I gotta get a Coke to go with them. (leaves for main concession stand in 134)

You would think I'd be happy at a concession stand that refuses to sell non-spiked drinks. Hell, I thought I'd be flipping out like ... well, like Carl Edwards after a win. But it sucks when the person sitting next to you just wants a Coke. So once again, thank you Carl Peterson, for poking, prodding, ramming, (insert, uuh, insertion term here) a stick up this loyal, die hard season ticket holder's ass. It felt ... well, as ridiculous as every other damned thing you've done to screw over the people you owe every cent you've ever made to. Your mommy must be so proud.

* KC Wolf: I have no idea what he was doing. I have no idea why he's still there. I'm like Admiral Stockdale in the debates in 1992, I'm clueless, confused, and ready to move on.

* National Anthem: in a word, average. The kids from Operation Breakthrough performed. They get my money every pay period. Solid, quality charity everyone should support. But just average.

* Still no introduction of our head coach. 57 games and counting since I last cheered our head coach in pregame intros, dating to denver in week 7 2002.

* I'm really not going to offer in-game analysis this week, partly because its preseason and doesn't ultimately matter, partly because I'm tired and want to go to bed. I'll simply say, I was fine with the starters performance. They left in a tie game against a legitimate NFC playoff contender. I'm good with it. LJ looked good, the OL looked at least league-average (all I'm asking for). The Brandon Brothers did the job at CB. Barth and Novak will be an interesting decision, both were good. Dantrell Savage returned a kick for 45 yards ... the longest return by a Chiefs since Dante Hall's TD against the 49ers in week 4 2006. (Yeah, the "F*ck" Ed Drummond era was that bad).

Instead, I want to close on a celebratory, reflective note. A look back at a great ... "Chiefs Tailgating Moment".

* Saturday's game was played (of course) on August 16, 2008. The last time the Chiefs played on August 16th was in 2003. It was the last double header day, Royals and Chiefs playing at home on the same day.

It was a perfect, I mean beyond perfect, "Steve Day". It was well above 100. The sun was shining. Hell, it was hot enough that I wasn't the only one with the shirt off, and that never happens, I'm almost always the only one in the group that white trashes it up once there's 3 numbers in the actual temperature.

Or two number when the first one of them begins with a 9.

But what made this day, what makes it stand out in the annals of history, is ... the between-games tailgate.

When my family uplifted "tailgating" to a whole new level. Or descended it, depending on your point of view. To review:

The Royals have just gotten drilled by the Twins to have their lead in the AL Central cut from 2 games to 1 with 40 to go. The Chiefs are preparing to face the Vikings.

Me, Gregg, Jasson and his other half have spent the previous 5 hours watching the Royals / Twins game, hitting the players entrance, and getting out of paying to park again. (Hooray us!) Finally, we head back up to the cars to tailgate.

Gregg's folks and sister arrive. Tailgating continues. It gets to be about 5pm and my brother calls, he's finally arrived with my uncle. They're on their way up to tailgate.

Drew and my uncle show up, lugging a gigantic cooler between them. They came prepared. Boy, did they come prepared.

(Note: in my family, we joke that we have two official mottos: (1) the family that drinks together, stays together, and (2) its never too early for the first drink of the day. Again, another pointless note, just background filler, but moving on ...)

So Drew and my uncle set the cooler down. My uncle winds up sitting on the cooler. After an opening round of beers ... my uncle reaches into the cooler and pulls out the huge 1.75ml bottle of Jim Beam.

(Note again: growing up, my folks always had the 1.75ml of Jim Beam above the dryer. Allegedly it was for my uncle and my grandma when they'd stop by, but that used to always just kill me. Can't drink around the kids in case we'd turn out ... well, like we did, but hell, put a bottle in obvious sight where anyone who's doing laundry can see it ... its all good.)

So, anyways, my uncle pulls the huge bottle out, takes the cap off, and is ready to take a swig straight from the bottle. Here's where I forget one slight detail. I forget if it was Gregg's mom or Jason's other half who looked at him with a "what the f*ck, straight Beam on a 105 degree day?!?!" look ... but my uncle saw the look.

Apparently, he thought he understood what the look was conveying. So, he did what any one of us would do.

(not really).

He set the bottle down, reached into the cooler ... and pulled out an army-issued tin cup to pour the Beam into. Then proceeded to drink the Beam the rest of the afternoon / evening from said tin cup, refilling it as needed.

A freaking tin cup. At tailgating.

The only thing you can say to respond to that, is what I said entering the stadium Saturday night.

Season. Freaking. On!

Not sure if I'll live blog Miami on Saturday night or not, because my favorite NASCAR race of the year is on at the same time (the night race at Bristol) so I'll probably have the split screen / dual TVs going. But I might be convinced if there's enough of a demand ...

And to answer two "loyal readers" questions, yes ... I will live blog at least one night of the DNC. I'm leaning towards Tuesday, since that's when Hillary speaks (and hopefully sways the delegates to stand with her through the first ballot on Wednesday, to save our party from electoral ruin in November). But I'm also liking Wednesday as an option, since its arguably the single greatest political day of my lifetime, assuming you can't trust Bill and Hillary to keep the "oh yeah, we'll release the delegates" promise. Hang on ... (steve setting up cspan to tivo on wednesday august 27 ...)