Saturday, September 27, 2014

week four: the smoke ...

“I can feel it coming
In the air tonight,
Oh Lord.

And I've been waiting for this moment,
All my life,
Oh Lord.

Can you feel it
Coming in the air tonight?
Oh Lord, Oh Lord ...


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Last Week ATS: 8-8-0.
Season to Date ATS: 21-27-0.

Last Week SU: 10-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 28-20-0.

Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: the jinx worked!
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 1-2-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 1-2-0.
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: (2006 stevo voice) take a mother f*cking guess.  (2006 damien voice) Oh sh*t!  Holy sh*t!  He thinks we're gonna win!  He thinks we're gonna win!  He believes we're gonna win!  (current day stevo voice) Damned skippy, Doc.  Damned skippy ...

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As always, all lines provided by Danny Sullivan, via USA Today.  Danny Sullivan: Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Official Oddsmaker!

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The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Best Guesses:

* Byes: “Super” Cardinals, Rams, Seahawks, broncos, Bengals, Browns.

* Giants (+3) 28, at Redskins 20.  As tweeted on, uuh, Twitter Thursday afternoon.  I was 100% sure the Giants would win.  I never saw a woodshed beating coming.

* Eagles (+5) 34, at 49ers 16.  I think the 49ers are in deep, deep trouble.  Love the Eagles in this spot.

* Dolphins (-3 ½) 6, raiders 2 (Game Played in London).  As I noted earlier this week, has there ever been a Week Four NFL game where BOTH coaches were fired in the postgame presser?  It’s a mortal lock the loser is getting poop-canned before the team plane lands on American concrete.  But the winner isn’t exactly safe.  Especially if “drunk” dennis allen pulls the upset.


* at Bears (+2) 35, Packers 31.  For a day filled with duds, it’s not a terrible double header on FOX.  Packers / Bears, Eagles / 49ers.  And Saints / Cowboys as the Sunday nighter on NBC.  There’s a decent shot that’s at least four of your six NFC playoff teams. 

* Bills (+3) 24, at Texans 17.  It’s Ryan Mallett Time.  Also, “Webster Game O’ The Week”! honors.  Yes, I am aware this is two 2-1 squads.  Doesn’t matter; I’d rather watch three straight hours of “Webster” than this craptacular matchup.

* Panthers (+3) 24, at Ravens 23.  Forgot to include this one in the Week One Glossary – this is the Wayne Allyn Root Contrarian Game O’ The Week.  When the entire betting public seems to be leaning one way?  Bet the opposite.  Everyone seems to think Steve Smith is single-handedly able to win this game.  That may be true, but there’s only one player on that field Sunday I think can do that, and he wears Numero Dos for your (because they sure as hell aren’t my) Carolina Panthers.  I think this is gonna be Cam Newton’s best game as a pro.

* at Vikings (+3) 34, Falcons 24.  No Peterson?  No bueno.  No Cassel?  Muy Bueno!

* at Chargers 24, Jaguars (+13) 14.  Too many points.  Plus, I’m a huge Blake Bortles fan.  He’ll make this one closer than it should be.

* at Colts (-8) 45, Titans 13.  Charlie Whitehurst on the field.  Colts will be tied for the division lead by the time this one is over.  (I really, really love the Bills at Houston this week.  A lot.  Not as much as I like Indy on Sunday, but close.) 


* at Steelers 27, Bucs (+7 ½) 20.  Thanks for the half point!  There’s no way Tampa is this putrid.  Lovie Smith is too good a coach to tolerate this.  And the Steelers aren’t as good as the Panthers made them look last week.  Correction game.

* at Cowboys (+3) 31, Saints 13.  This might be the most one-sided matchup of the last twenty years.  The Saints have won 8 of the last 10, played over those twenty years, and it’s usually a beatdown.  Just playing a hunch here.

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The Tailgating Plans:

Here’s what I know, as of Saturday afternoon.

We’ve got the Early In Pass (as usual), and The Bus departs between 12:30 and 1pm from the, uuh, Bus Barn.  (Gotta accommodate folks working a half day, that can't work that half day from home, as I plan to.)  At last count we have 13 riding out; as always, if you don’t want to pay for parking, you’re welcome to ride with us. 

We should be in our usual spot (the grassy lot north of the G30 sign) sometime after 1pm.  Beer pong commences within thirty minutes of getting set up, and getting Mixology going.  This grizzled veteran is ready to take on the (joe pesci voice) utes, and (the chica voice) give them the business.  Although this grizzled veteran still wishes – for just one game – it could be vodka tonic pong.

The current menu is Brady Brats.  Not brats as in bratwurst, but brats, as in spoiled rotten kids that drive you nuts.  There’ll be an assortment of appetizers, side dishes and desserts.  There’ll be a healthy supply of beer, champagne, vodka, and whatever else floats our boat when Mona and I hit the liquor store either Sunday afternoon or Monday morning.

We’re expecting close to fifty, between our group, Roger and Diane and Brad’s folks, and Ron and Michelle and Ryan’s crew.  Should be one fun day, one last almost summer-like afternoon (forecast is 83 and sunny) to enjoy this year.

As always, if you need me to reserve a spot for you by us, please let me know.  We’re asking if you plan to tailgate with us for more than a quick “hello”, to bring what you want to drink … and feel free to toss in a side dish or appetizer.  (Pause).  I suppose this is where I need to point out that a half-eaten bag of Oreo’s is NOT an acceptable side dish.  Splurge on the full bag.  It won’t kill you.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yeah, good point – if buying a new bag of Oreo's will bankrupt you?  You got far bigger problems, than trying to buy a bag of Oreo's.

Hope to see you, for what (as of now) is going to be the best 1-2 punch in Kansas City sports history.  Chiefs / Pats Monday.  Royals / A’s Tuesday (more on this potential game momentarily).  

Come out and enjoy it.

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The Watching Party Plans:

There are no The Watching Party Plans, due to this being a home game for the Chiefs.

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The Poem:

 “But then I stop,
Because I spot a car,
That might contain,
My special little star!” ©

“Then I open the program,
To see who our referee will be,
And I shout out with horror,
Sweet Jesus!  Ed Hochuli!” ©

As for The Poem?
Do I really need to say,
Why you should show up,
For football on Monday?

It’s Chiefs!  It’s Pats!
It’s in prime time!
Do you really need me
To make my words rhyme?

Believe in this team folks;
They’re better than you think.
And yes, that is an opinion,
I’ve formed over many a drink!

But as great as Monday will be?
As much as this win, might leave you in a daze?
It will feel nothing -- NOTHING! --
Like Tuesday, when we beat the A's!

We've earned this, KC.
We have earned this amazing moment.
Two games.  Two nights.
Two teams that, frankly, need atonement.

Monday night, we exorcise the demon
That is Bill and his Pats.
Tuesday night, we exorcise the demon
That is twenty nine years of failure! ©

We have waited for this moment,
For most of our lives.
Even as we've graduated, moved on --
Most of us have wives.

But this?  This is something special,
And thank the good Lord above,
For what He has given us, KC,
For this week to come.

Royals!  Chiefs!
The nation's focus is on us!
Let's just hope Hy-Vee's focus,
Is on the damned Bus.

Because Monday?  
The Chiefs win.
And Tuesday?  
The Royals will as well.

Here's how epic this run is --
My mommy actually cares!
She was so happy last night,
She used a word* that I wouldn't dare!

This is what we live for,
Sports fans!
Forty eight hours,
To get one helluva tan!

No wait -- let me rephrase that.
Although shirtless I probably will be.
Forty eight hours,
With two awesome victories!

Show up Monday!
That day is gonna rule!
But Tuesday?  Tuesday is the day,
All the cool kids, skip school.

October 6, 1991 --
A day any Chiefs fan will never erase.
September 30, 2014 --
A day every Royals fan will embrace.

This "Double Header" back to back?
Is what sports is all about.
Don't be afraid to yell --
Godd*mmit, scream and shout!

This is our finest hour, KC!
This is what we've prayed for!
Do your part to make sure,
Both the Chiefs and the Royals score!

© 2014 Stevo Productions, No Rights Reserved.  May be rebroadcast at any time without the expressed, written consent of Major League Baseball.  First and second © for classic phrases; third © is for Jenni, as always.

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(* ok, fine, that's "fertilizer".  Oh, she did say it.  It was one helluva special moment in life.  But she said it this morning.  It rhymes with my favorite NBA team, and it was used in the adjective form, with the word "cool" after said word.  I love my mommy sometimes.)

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The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:

For once, I come to praise the Klassy One:


(photo credit: Snag-It 10, via my laptop.)

I have never wanted Kevin Keitzman to be right more in my life, than I do, with that Tweet.

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The Voice of Reason’s, uuh, Reason:

To be posted when and/or if received.  As always, will be posted unedited save for font and text formatting.

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The Jets Best Guess:

They’re not losing two straight to NFC Norris competition at home.

* at Jets (-1 ½) 19, Lions 14.  


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Tuesday:

I don't even know where to begin, other than to say, I pray Tuesday doesn't happen.  I pray it's Saturday.

Because Saturday, means the Royals have won the AL Central for the first time ever, and have a very winnable series against the Orioles.

But if it's Tuesday?  If Tuesday is when the Royals open this postseason?

Mr. Reason and I will be there, in whatever section, and whatever seat, I'm paying him $60 for the privilege, of doing so.

I've already warned him privately, so I'll warn all of you who might want to meet up with us, publically.

I am going to cry.  A lot.  

Hell, I'm crying just typing this.

Just like I cried for 43 straight minutes last night -- and awesomely, that is not a joke -- I cried for 43 straight minutes last night, watching (and re-watching) this:


For the life of me, I'm not sure what of those four minutes and fifty four seconds, is my favorite.  It's like having kids -- you don't play favorites.

(Which is an abject lie.  You always have a favorite.  And mine, is Moose at the 1:08 mark, shouting "F*ck yeah, Boys!" after man-hugging Lorenzo Cain.  If THAT is not a Stevo move at its' finest?  Then y'all don't know me at all).

And in case you missed how I feel about what Tuesday could be, I summed up what it means to me, Thursday night.

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The Chiefs Prognostication:

Has there ever been a prime-time regular season game LESS anticipated in this town, than Monday's Chiefs / Pats (the late, great don fambrough voice) showdown, throwdown, hoedown?

Other than the last time, the Chiefs and Pats faced each other on Monday night?  And you can pick your year -- 2000?  2004?  2011?

I picked the theme that I did, because it is the song that will close down The Tailgate.  There are very few moments in life guaranteed to make me cry.  (Note: this is an abject bullsh*t lie.)  But one of the very few, is hearing the haunting opening notes of "In The Air Tonight", as the sun sets behind us, and the smoke wafts over Arrowhead, for the walk in, creating a perfect storm of scenery.

Monday?  Celebrate the day.  Be loud.  This season is NOT over.  If the Royals of 2014 taught you anything, it should be to NEVER give up.  Don't EVER give up.

Be loud.  Make sure you leave that stadium with your hands hurting.  It should hurt to breathe Tuesday morning.

And then get ready, if that is the case, to do it all over again, Tuesday afternoon.

We're Chiefs.  And we're loud!

We're Royals.  And we're proud!  


Do yourself a favor.  Watch the stadium on the walk in.  Notice the smoke.  

And thank God above, for the privilege He's granted you, to get the opportunity to notice it.

* at Chiefs (+3) 11, Patriots 0.  If you don't get the significance of that score, then you've never been a fan, of at least one squad, taking the field in the hallowed stadiums of the Truman Sports Complex, at some point this week ...

Thursday, September 25, 2014

thursday, september 25th: the password is "one" ...

“*Society blind by color;
Why hold down one, to raise another?
Discrimination now on both sides;
Seeds of hate?  Blossom further.

The world is headed for mutiny,
When all we want is unity.

(*: I can’t defend my love of this song, or this cd for that matter, other than to note, that here’s the keeper line – and please, feel free to shout it, because truer words have never been spoken or sung in, uuh, song, if you change “may” to “will” …)

We may rise and fall.
But in the end?
We'll meet our fate together!

One!  Oh, one!
The only way is one!

One!  Oh, one!
The only way is one! …”


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This?  Is what I intended to post, earlier today, had the Mariners lost.

Enjoy.

Please -- enjoy.

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One.

I literally just cried typing those three letters.

One.

Good God, it’s so dusty in this room right now, you’d think I’d never heard of Swiffer or any other cleaning agent.

One.

Hang on, let me type it … one more time.

Dammit!  Stop making me cry at typing one word!

Dammit!  I did it again.  OK, let’s try this one more time.

Sumbeach!  OK, here goes …

One.

God bless it, stop crying, Stevo!

There’s no crying in baseball!

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We have waited thirty bleeping years for this day.  Thirty bleeping years.  Today – Friday, September 26, 2014, is a day you are going to tell your grandkids about.  And I am fully aware most of you reading this, don’t have a kid over the age of ten.

For crying out loud, the author of this post, doesn’t even have one kid, he’s been sued for child support over.

(Pause).  Again!  What’s with that one word, that so gets to me!

(cue the tears …)

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We have risen, and we have fallen, over the last thirty years.  Be it personally, be it professionally, we have all risen, and we have all fallen, as have our Boyz N Blue.  Hell, this season alone, they were eight back – eight freaking games back – eight weeks ago.  They were done-zo.

(Funny.  Eight?  No emotion.  One?  I need a drainage ditch, to carry the tears away.)

And now, here we stand.  Or sit.  Or are in a tantric position.  Hey, whatever floats your boat.  We don’t judge on this site.

Friday, September 26, 2014. 

A day we have dreamed about.  A day we only imagined.

A day that is now reality.

You have risen.  And you have fallen. 

I have risen.  (Yeah, right).  And I have fallen.  (penny voice) Right!

And the Royals, our Boyz N Blue, our Fine 25, our Fine 40, our Fine however many damned players are on the active 40 man roster (I believe it’s 37 at last count), they have risen (on the rarest of occasions).  And the Royals have fallen (on almost all occasions).

But today?

We meet our fates together.

As one.

Again, one?  Really?

God, it’s getting dusty in this room …

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I had a great friend growing up, who was my go-to buddy, to go to Royals games.  It didn’t matter how sh*tty this club was, all I had to do was call James, or he’d call me, and the only two questions either of us would ask on a random Sunday morning would be (a) who’s driving and (b) Bud Heavy or Miller Lite.

We usually tailgated in Lot G.  Occasionally Lot H.  And always sat in old Left Field GA.  And being the shameless, classless guys we were, usually a t-shirt wasn’t anywhere to be found.  Because that’s what Royals baseball meant to us – an excuse to get ridiculously drunk, and not give a damn about life for an afternoon, while getting a decent shade of red from something other than the alcohol.

It never occurred to us, that the Royals would matter.  It never once hit us, that the team we heard about from our parents, could possibly matter to us beyond an excuse to drink in public, and soak up some sun.

James passed away Friday, August 20, 2004, in the early morning hours of what was his twenty seventh birthday.

I’ve always thought it was appropriate, in a sick kind of way, that he died during the season that murdered Royals baseball for me.

And I think it’s beyond appropriate, that he’s the first person I thought of, as the day before greatness, ends.

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Folks?  It’s time to … hang on.  (Pause).  You know what?  I’m in such a great mood, I’m not even going to complete mock the man.  Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Biden.

(vice president biden voice) Folks!  It’s time to win!  A three letter word – WIN!

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When it comes to plagiarism, I can’t compete with the Vice President.  So in my (pathetic) show of solidarity for The Sports Guy, I’m stealing his “win this for” column, from before Game Four of the 2004 World Series.

I apologize for nothing.

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Today?

Win this game, Royals.

Be our first playoff team in almost two generations.

But don’t win it for yourselves.  Don’t win it for just yourselves.  Don’t win it for just your loved ones, your treasured acquaintances, your life changers.

Because of all the lyrics to choose?

None are more appropriate, than the money shot.

“We may rise and fall.
But in the end?
We meet our fate …

… Together!”

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Today?

Win it for us.

Because we are one.

With you.

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Win this game for Ayden.  Win this game for Garrett.  Win this game for Jack and Ethan, for Heath Junior and Lucas.  Win this game for Rocco.  Win this game for Miles.  Win this game for every kid under the age of accountability in this town, so that they can remember what this feels like. 

Win this for their parents, many of whom are coming up, in the “win it for” roster call. 

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Win it for my brother.  Win it for that Royals trucker hat I stole from him for this pennant drive, that I’ve worn every weekend this year.  Give us one amazing, awesome, never-forget-it man hug on Tuesday, in the parking lot where we properly prepare, for Wild Card Mania. 

Or Saturday, where we properly prepare for Division Round Mania.

Win it for Brett.  And win it for Scotty.  And win it for their dad.

Win it for Heath, the most die-hard Royals fan you’ll ever meet.  He is to Royals baseball?  What I’d like to think I am, to Chiefs football.

Win it for Anthony, and win it for his folks, and win it for his sister.

Hell, I’m feeling generous – win it for Dusty. God knows The Champ and I spent enough time witnessing sh*ttacular baseball.  Win it for The Champ, and win it for The Chica.  Win it for Beth and her sister, who were there for every game in 1985.  Win today for them. 

Because they’ve EARNED this.

Win it for Phil.  Win it for that waitress who dropped the “you let him drive?!?!” blast at the Quaff, in describing me, the last time this team truly mattered, on Labor Day Weekend 2003.

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Win it for Oxygen Tank Dude.  No, seriously – win this for Oxygen Tank Dude.  Win it for Right Field GA’s greatest occupant.

Oh, and if there is a playoff game played at The K, and a relative of Oxygen Tank Dude is NOT chucking a ceremonial first pitch? 

Then Toby Cook should be fired.

(Pause).

Win this game for Toby Cook, for all the undeserved crap he’s had to endure over the years.

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Win this game for Mr. Kauffman, and win it for David Glass.  Yes – win it for David Glass.  No, he’s not Ewing Kauffman.  But he did what Mr. Kauffman asked – he kept this team – OUR team – here in Kansas City, when no doubt Portland or Phoenix or Tampa or Charlotte or the District would have overpaid to move it. 

Win this one for ownership, past and present.

Oh – and please, enjoy a very stiff one, in honor of Mrs. Kauffman.

And win this one, for her.

As well as our Ol’ Pardner, the late, great Mr. William Grigsby.

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And please – give your dog a very healthy feeding of Meaty Bones, in honor of Harry.  You all have no idea, how much I’d love to be feeding Priest a few of those, right now …

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Win it for the Kauffman’s daughter, who has poured millions into making this metropolitan area the amazing, awe-inspiring city we live in and love.  The Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts is a national treasure.  Win this one for Irene and the remaining Kauffman descendants.

Win this one for every usher, every ticket taker, every vendor, who’s had to suffer through awful season after awful season.  A labor of love come mid-August.  Win this one for Archie, who has proudly been serving me my beers in 132 at Arrowhead for years … and who I seek out at Kauffman, to ensure he gets something for his work for the night. 

Win this one for Christine, my bartender in the lower bowl at Arrowhead for those moments I can’t wait for Archie to walk down the aisle, who works near 332 at Kauffman.  Win this one for her. 

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Win this one for the late, great Randall Carlyle Wakefield, who (true story) used to control the music you heard in between innings at Kauffman, back when it was Royals Stadium. 

I pray “I Love a Rainy Night” by Eddie Rabbit plays at least once this postseason. 

Oh, please – by the way? 

Win this one for Nancy.

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Win this one for Paul Splittorff.  We’ll never forget you dude. 

Win this one for Dick Howser.  Win this one for … for once?  This post demands proper respect, without mocking his inability to correctly state a name.

Win this one?

For Fred White.

And win it for Denny, for the Beaver.  Win it for “hello, is representative there”.  Win it for Physioc, if only because he’s named Steve.

And (fidelity ad guy voice) why not?

Win it for Rex Hudler.

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Win this one for every member of the 1985 roster.  Win this one for every fan who stepped foot inside that stadium in the 1985 postseason.  Win this for Balboni, for McRae, for Iorg.  Win this for Motley, for Biancalana, for Sundberg.  Win it for Sabes, for Liebrandt, for DJ, for Gubby.  Win it for Lonnie Smith.  Win it for Don Denkinger.

And dammit – win it for Quiz.

Please – WIN THIS for Quiz.  And for Janie.  And every member of the Quiz family.  And for every one of us, who has ever read his incredible poetry, or witnessed his absolute awesomeness not as a player, but as a human being.  This franchise will NEVER employ a man as … for lack of a better word?  Amazing.

As Dan Quizenberry was.

Win this for him.

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Win this for Art Stewart.  Win this one for his greatest find, Vincent Edward Jackson.  

Win this one for Joe Posnanski.

And please – please!  If you do nothing else in this rise, fall, and meeting our fate as one, Royals?

(Pause).

Win this one for John Jordan O’Neil.

And please, make damned certain, someone worthy of his greatness, is sitting in his seat, come next Tuesday or Saturday. 

Make DAMNED certain it’s Bob Kendrick, in that seat.

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Win this one for greatness.

Win it for 5, 10, and 20.

Win it for George Brett.  Win it for Dick Howser.  Win it for Frank White.

And Toby Cook?

Make damned certain the two living of those three names, have spots of honor, on Tuesday or Saturday.

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Win this one for Jasson, and win this one for Gregg.  The three of us have had many a fun day inside that stadium in support of a losing cause.  (And in a rarity, the “support of a losing cause”, wasn’t in support of me (rimshot!)  (scott hall voice) Hey yo!) 

Win this for every Double Header Day we’ve enjoyed.  Win this for every “sure, just pay me back before Jesus returns” ticket buy we’ve made for each other.  Win this for two amazing friends, who have made this friendship work, through the rises and falls, through the ups and downs, through the truths and the lies, through the smelly and the sh*tty.  Win this one for them, the two best friends a dude could ever have.

They deserve this.

And win it for Brent as well.  He may be Topeka … but he’s Kansas City.

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And my next to last request?

Win this one for James.

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Because my last request?

Glad you asked …

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Royals?

Win this one …

… for me.

thursday september 25th: the password is "2/7" ...

"Chances are?  You'll find me,
Somewhere on the road tonight.
Seems I always wind up,
Driving by.

Ever since I've known you?
It just seems to be on my way.
All the rules of logic?
Don't apply.

I long to see you in the light;
To be with you 'til morning light ...

I remember clearly, how you looked
The night we met.
I recall your laughter
And your smile.

I remember how you made me feel
So at ease.
I remember all your grace,
And your style.

And now?
You're all I long to see!
You've come to mean
So much to me!

Chances are?  I'll see you,
Somewhere in my dreams tonight!
You'll be smiling,
Like the night we met!

Chances are?  I'll hold you,
And I'll offer all I have.
You're the only one
I can't forget.

Baby?  You're the best
I've ever met!

And I'll be dreaming of the future;
Hoping you'll be by my side.
And in the morning?  I'll be longing
For the night.

For the night ...

Chances are?  I'll see you,
Somewhere in my dreams tonight!
You'll be smiling,
Like the night we met!

Chances are?  I'll hold you,
And I'll offer all I have.

You're the only one?
I can't forget.

Baby?  You're the best
I've ever met! ..."


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The Only Two Numbers That Matter:

Royals Magic Number For a Playoff Spot: 2.
Royals Magic Number For a Division Title: 7.

Standings As I Post:

Tigers +2 on Royals.

A’s / Royals Tied.
A’s / Royals +2 1/2  on Mariners.
A’s / Royals +3 1/2 on Indians.

(Note: I have to include Cleveland … because if all three (KC, Oakland, and Seattle) lose out (which, sadly, isn’t that far-fetched an idea) and Cleveland wins out, there’d be a four way cluster f*ck for the two wildcard berths.  And that is the ONLY way Cleveland can get in – their elimination number is uno.  One A’s / Royals / Mariners win, or one Wahoo loss, ends it.  Not even the NFL fan in me, that intentionally creates four way cluster f*cks in my NFL season predictions piece, would want to try to sort that one out.  Hell, not even the folks who figured out how the hell the 2006 Chiefs got into the playoffs, want to try to sort that one out …)

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I honestly – and for once, I’m being totally honest – I honestly had to rewrite parts of this, in light of the Mariners / Blue Jays outcome.  I'm holding some back -- hopefully to be posted tomorrow.  

So I apologize up front, for the less than epic post, about to, uuh, post.

But once that magic number hits one?

Prepare to cry your eyes out. 

Or at least be fist pumping, reading what is going to post.  Because folks?  I think I nailed the emotions, the feelings, we're all gonna be feeling, when that damned two, turns into one ...

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My initial choice for the theme, was “So Close” by Hall and Oates.  I had it ready to go.  Only (a) I try not to reuse a theme twice in a year (I used “So Close” for my 2014 NFL Season Predictions) and (b) Royals Review picked “So Close” as their theme of the day, and I try not to plagiarize any more than I already admit to doing, on this site.

But “Chances Are"?  Yes.  Yes, they are.

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So yesterday didn’t go as hoped for.  The Tigers pulled away late, scoring five after the seventh inning stretch.  The Royals basically threw in the towel in the sixth*, choosing to throw out the deadbeat flotsam, riff-raff, and jetsam that is the back end of the bullpen, and save the three that count, for when it really counts. 

But thank God for Toronto.  Because they ensured no damage done to the big picture, by scoring in the bottom of the eighth, then picking off a Seattle runner at first, to secure a 1-0 win, that puts the Royals so close to the postseason, grown up 37 year olds who may or may not be typing this are getting tears in their eyes, just thinking about the number two, means ... and how epic the number one might be, in about three hours.

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Today’s Matchups That Matter:

* Indians: bye.  Because of course the Fighting Braves of the Cuyahoga are going to lose their postseason dreams, to an opponent that is capable of beating one, and only one, man in this nation, and that is the (not even remotely) greatness that is, “Sur” William Callahan.

* Mariners at Blue Jays, 3:07pm CT.  The Jays go for the sweep, and more importantly, we’ll know before first pitch at The Cell, if this is the day we have waited thirty years for, or not.  The M’s send Tom Wilhelmson (3-2, 2.10) into an emergency start for Chris Young.  The Jays counter with Daniel Norris (never started before) for his first start in the bigs.  Let’s all hope this is a September miracle.  I wouldn’t bet on it.

(Update: glad I didn't bet on it.  Mariners 7, Jays 5, Final.)

* Twins at Tigers, 6:08pm CT.  We need a Twins win in a bad, bad way.  Trevor May (3-5, 8.39) draws the start for the Twinkies.  Against Max Scherzer (17-5, 3.19) for the Kitties.  In the words of the Spanish Bumblebee: “aye yay yay!  No me gusta!”

You might want to light an extra candle for this one, if you happen to step foot in a Parish today, Royals fans.  And please – light one for me as well.

* A’s at Rangers, 7:05pm CT.  Here’s where today’s salvation may lie.  The A’s send Jason Hammel (2-6, 4.52) in his first start since taking paternity leave.  Yes, baseball fans, there are things more important than baseball.  There will be no mocking Mr. Hammel abandoning his team for a few weeks for his child’s birth on this site.  (At least in the published portion; you all can mock away in the comments.)  The Rangers counter with Colby Lewis (10-14, 5.34).  The Rangers swept the A’s last week in Oakland.  Let’s all pray to God – every God there ever was, or is, or is to be, and the universe entire – that that?  Happens again this weekend.

--------------------

Royals Tonight:

* at White Sox, 7:10pm CT.  Tonight, “The Trade” is either justified, or crucified.  Because James Shields (14-8, 3.18) takes the mound for the Boyz N Blue.  He’ll face Jose Quintana (9-10, 3.22), who is 0-2 against KC this year, and 0-3 in his last four starts.

I’ll save my thoughts on tonight, for the next – and last – sections of this post.

--------------------

My Final Thought(s):

(And no, I’m not hauling out my Jerry Springer Voice for this.)

I had a great friend growing up, and into young adulthood, who was my “go-to” buddy, to attend a Royals game, during the darkest of the dark last thirty seasons.

It didn’t matter how sh*tty this team was, it didn’t matter how pointless the game seemed.  All I had to do was text or call or email James, and the only question left was who was driving to the game on Sunday.

(As a side note: I know many of you wonder why I care about The Champ as I do, despite our last few years.  It’s for the same reason I cared about James as I did.  You just have to truly know them, to get them.  And once you know them, they matter to you until the bitter end.  Even if you don’t, to them.)

We spent many a Sunday getting ridiculously drunk in (pick a lot) at the Complex.  We spent many a Sunday baking in the sun in Left Field GA, and since we were as classless as they come, usually a t-shirt was nowhere in sight.  We saw Sammy Sosa do his thing out there in 1998.  We watched George Brett inducted into the Hall of Fame out there on the Jumbotron in 1999.  We watched what (until this year) was my favorite Royals game I can recall, the Father’s Day rally against the Giants in 2003, when Barry Bonds literally hit a ball off the old Right Field GA concession stand’s roof.  We had a lot of great, fun, (usually) drunken times out there in left field, and (usually) in Lot G or H.

James passed away August 20, 2004.  Somehow, it’s always seemed fitting to me, that he passed during the season that killed baseball’s meaning to me. 

At least until the last few weeks.

Today, I can’t help but think of him.  Because it’s Sundays like we “suffered” through in 2001, in 1997, in 2003, in 1998, and even into 2004?

That make today matter to me.

As I finish typing this, the Jays lead the Mariners, 2-0, top 3.  Which makes the final section, relevant.  At least for now.

--------------------

Kansas City fans under the age of 38 to 40?  We are potentially less than seven hours away, from the greatest day of our baseball loving lives, coming to, uuh, life.

So let’s win this one.

Win this one for every Double Header Day experienced.  Win this one for the hurt of 2003, for the destruction of 2004.  Win this one for the promise of 1994, the heartbreak of 1989.  Win this one for the one hundred loss seasons.  Win this one because Tony Pena convinced us to “Believe”!  Win this one because Tony Muser inspired 5,000 “Tony Luser” jokes and counting.

Win this one for Carlos Beltran, for Johnny Damon, for Jermaine Dye: the foundation of a franchise traded or sold off before they could pay off.  And win this one for Mike Sweeney, the only one who stuck around.  Unfairly maligned; unfairly targeted.  Win this one, and let Mr. Sweeney throw out the first pitch on Tuesday.  Give him the ovation, the standing, tears streaming down our faces ovation, he has earned.

Win this one for every jaded Royals fan who’s given up hope.  Win this one to justify The Trade.  Because OF COURSE James Shields would take the mound, to justify everything we gave up to get him. 

Win this one to prove so many of us wrong regarding The Process, The Trade, The … Everything.  We all know, this franchise hasn’t exactly copied Barney Stinson’s Playbook, when it comes to how to succeed. 

Win this one for Buck O’Neil, win this one for Dan Quisenberry, win this one for Dick Howser.  Win this one for Splitt.  Win this one for Frank Black.  I mean Fritz Blue.  I mean … screw it.  Win this one for Fred White. 

Win this one for Ewing Kauffman … and chug a stiff one for Muriel Kauffman. 

Oh, yeah – and win this one for our Ol’ Pardner, Mr. William Grigsby … and give your dog an extra Meaty Bone, in honor of Harry.

Win this one for our kids, who have no idea what we have endured as fans of this team.  Let “My Special Little Guy”, let Garrett, let the Twins, let Heath Junior, let Lucas, let Miles, let Jack and Ethan, let Rocco, let every damned fan of their Daddy under the age of ten, enjoy something we don’t remember enjoying … and many of us never enjoyed.

And win this one most especially, for every Royals fan, who has pleaded with God above in the great beyond, to let this happen.

Royals?  Win this one for James.

--------------------

And God?  I don’t ask you for much.  (And in your defense, you don’t provide much, at least to me.)

But God?

Please.

Let them win this one for me.


Because I (bleeping) need this so (bleeping) badly …--------------------

The Only Two Numbers That Matter:

Royals Magic Number For a Playoff Spot: 2.
Royals Magic Number For a Division Title: 7.

Standings As I Post:

Tigers +2 on Royals.

A’s / Royals Tied.
A’s / Royals +3 on Mariners.
A’s / Royals +3 ½ on Indians.

(Note: I have to include Cleveland … because if all three (KC, Oakland, and Seattle) lose out (which, sadly, isn’t that far-fetched an idea) and Cleveland wins out, there’d be a four way cluster f*ck for the two wildcard berths.  And that is the ONLY way Cleveland can get in – their elimination number is uno.  One A’s / Royals / Mariners win, or one Wahoo loss, ends it.  Not even the NFL fan in me, that intentionally creates four way cluster f*cks in my NFL season predictions piece, would want to try to sort that one out.  Hell, not even the folks who figured out how the hell the 2006 Chiefs got into the playoffs, want to try to sort that one out …)

--------------------

I honestly – and for once, I’m being totally honest – I honestly thought this would be the theme song, for the Week Four Picks, coming later today or (far more likely) tomorrow or Saturday.

Because there are few things in life, that inspire me as much, as hearing this song blaring off the speakers, as the tailgate breaks down, the sun is setting behind us, and the smoke from all the grills in Lot G and beyond, is wafting over Arrowhead for the walk in, for a primetime contest.  (Which we have, in barely 96 hours, against the best franchise the NFL has to offer over the last fifteen years, your (because they sure as hell aren’t my) New England Patriots.)

But today?  Today is bigger than Monday could be.

Today, Royals fans?  We awaken with a chance to do, what hasn’t been done, in the cognizant lifetime of most of us.

Today?  The Kansas City Royals can clinch a playoff berth.

And that is not only not a typo?  You can pick what the password is.  Is it (allen ludden voice) “clinch”?  Is it (bill cullen voice) “playoff”?  Or is it (bert convy voice) “berth”?

--------------------

My backup choice was “So Close” by Hall and Oates.  Only (a) I try not to reuse a theme twice in a year (I used “So Close” for my 2014 NFL Season Predictions) and (b) Royals Review picked “So Close” as their theme of the day, and I try not to plagiarize any more than I already admit to doing, on this site.

But “In The Air Tonight”.  Yes.  Yes, it is.

--------------------

So yesterday didn’t go as hoped for.  The Tigers pulled away late, scoring five after the seventh inning stretch.  The Royals basically threw in the towel in the sixth*, choosing to throw out the deadbeat flotsam, riff-raff, and jetsam that is the back end of the bullpen, and save the three that count, for when it really counts. 

But thank God for Toronto.  Because they made today possible, by scoring in the bottom of the eighth, then picking off a Seattle runner at first, to secure a 1-0 win, that puts the Royals so close to the postseason, grown up 37 year olds who may or may not be typing this are getting tears in their eyes, just thinking about what 10pm-ish today, could mean.

--------------------

Today’s Matchups That Matter:

* Indians: bye.  Because of course the Fighting Braves of the Cuyahoga are going to lose their postseason dreams, to an opponent that is capable of beating one, and only one, man in this nation, and that is the (not even remotely) greatness that is, “Sur” William Callahan.

* Mariners at Blue Jays, 3:07pm CT.  The Jays go for the sweep, and more importantly, we’ll know before first pitch at The Cell, if this is the day we have waited thirty years for, or not.  The M’s send Tom Wilhelmson (3-2, 2.10) into an emergency start for Chris Young.  The Jays counter with Daniel Norris (never started before) for his first start in the bigs.  Let’s all hope this is a September miracle.  I wouldn’t bet on it.

* Twins at Tigers, 6:08pm CT.  We need a Twins win in a bad, bad way.  Trevor May (3-5, 8.39) draws the start for the Twinkies.  Against Max Scherzer (17-5, 3.19) for the Kitties.  In the words of the Spanish Bumblebee: “aye yay yay!  No me gusta!”

You might want to light an extra candle for this one, if you happen to step foot in a Parish today, Royals fans.  And please – light one for me as well.

* A’s at Rangers, 7:05pm CT.  Here’s where today’s salvation may lie.  The A’s send Jason Hammel (2-6, 4.52) in his first start since taking paternity leave.  Yes, baseball fans, there are things more important than baseball.  There will be no mocking Mr. Hammel abandoning his team for a few weeks for his child’s birth on this site.  (At least in the published portion; you all can mock away in the comments.)  The Rangers counter with Colby Lewis (10-14, 5.34).  The Rangers swept the A’s last week in Oakland.  Let’s all pray to God – every God there ever was, or is, or is to be, and the universe entire – that that?  Happens again this weekend.

--------------------

Royals Tonight:

* at White Sox, 7:10pm CT.  Tonight, “The Trade” is either justified, or crucified.  Because James Shields (14-8, 3.18) takes the mound for the Boyz N Blue.  He’ll face Jose Quintana (9-10, 3.22), who is 0-2 against KC this year, and 0-3 in his last four starts.

--------------------

Today's Final Thought:

Is being held, until that magic number hits one.  

Which God willing, is in about three hours.  And you'll have one epic, epic, uuh, post, to read on your commute in, or your first (and given that it's me writing it, second) visits to the "second office" tomorrow.

So for today, I'll just say this.

This is the first time I can recall in my lifetime, the Royals have a magic number, with four games to play, that isn't an elimination number, for them.

Sometimes?  I thank God, for the little things in life.

If the standings today hold through Sunday?

There's gonna be a mass campout on the grassy knoll of G30, with at least a few die-hard fans, for the game on Tuesday.

You're gonna need a backhoe, a forklift, five hired goons, half the Jackson County Sheriff's Department, and every well-built contractor from the Local IBEW, to get us out of there Monday night ...

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

wednesday september 24th: the password is "3/7" ...

"At the bitter end?
Salt and liquid blend,
From the corner of my eyes.

All the miles wrecked?
Every broken stair?
Always searching, always blind.

Never fear!  No, never fear!
Never fear!  No, never fear!

So let your heart hold fast!
For this soon shall pass!
There's another hill ahead ..."


--------------------

The Only Two Numbers That Matter:

Royals Magic Number For a Playoff Spot: 3.
Royals Magic Number For a Division Title: 7.

Standings As I Post:

Tigers +1 ½ on Royals.

Royals +½ on A’s.
Royals +3 on Mariners
Royals +3 ½ on Indians

Action Completed Earlier Today:

* at Tigers 6, White Sox 1.  I listened to most of this game on the White Sox radio broadcast.  Verlander was lights out today.  This was a tie game entering the seventh, and it was 3-1 entering the eighth.  Today it was Chicago’s bullpen that imploded.  It happens.

* Angels 5, at A’s 4.  I still think Oakland will make it – only one team in the wildcard era has blown a lead of three games, with five to play.  (We’ll get to them in a moment.)  But that belief is based more on the Mariners having to play Anaheim for its last four, and the A’s getting Texas.

--------------------

Quick Side Note:

Congrats to my co-worker Joe, on the birth of his son Jacob this morning, at approximately 11am.  The lil' guy came a day early.  (Pause).  See!  Even infants want to be alive for what tomorrow (the late, great harry caray voice) might be!  Could be!  (Not quite yet is!)

In all seriousness, congrats, and all the best to you, the wife, and Jacob's brother and sister.

--------------------

About Last Night:

And to think, six months ago, the single biggest complaint of the Dayton Moore Era (other than, you know, seven playoff-less seasons) was that the Royals couldn’t develop a dominant starter of their own.  They had to go out and trade for a rotation, at the cost of the best prospect in the farm system.

I love it when the script gets flipped sometimes.

Last night, Yordana Ventura officially put that notion to rest, by throwing seven scoreless innings, to go with Danny Duffy’s six scoreless innings the night before.  That’s thirteen scoreless innings (out of eighteen) by the home grown starters, and over the last four games, Royals starters have allowed five runs – three on Saturday by James Shields (only two earned), two on Sunday by Jeremy Guthrie (only one earned).

Championship caliber teams reveal themselves, when their backs are up against it.  After Saturday, the Royals had zero margin for error.  In the span of four days, they’d gone from tied for first, to three back.  They’d gotten their brains bashed in Friday night, lost one of the most maddening, frustrating games of the season on Saturday, and if we’re being honest here, there weren’t too many of us entering Sunday feeling confident about this. 

I even texted my cousin on Saturday during the game, as Ned Yost was being Ned Yost, and I flat out asked her – did you and Craig curse at the television regarding Ned that year, as often as I am today?

Her response?  “Who’s Ned Yost?  We only recognize Dale Sveum as our manager (from that season).”  I’m taking that as a “oh hell yes we did”.

The last three days, the Royals have been up against it.  And if – and I will grant you, "if"?  Is almost here, possibly as soon as tomorrow night – if the Royals make it to the last day of September and beyond, I think the moment I’ll look back on, as the defining moment of the march, was Nori Aoki’s triple in the bottom of the sixth. 

With all due respect to Pete “For President” Stoyanovich, that hit did save the season.

And this season needed to be saved.

That triple drove in two, put the Royals up 4-2, overcame Mike Moustakis' indefensible handling of the cutoff throw, and ensured the best 7th-8th-9th inning combination in baseball, was in business.  And they took care of business, shutting the Tigers out the last three innings.  Then Danny Duffy and The World’s Second Greatest Threesome shut out the Indians for nine innings.  Then Yordano Ventura shut out the Indians for seven more, before Scott Downs** performed like Scott Downs, and the scoreless streak ended in the bottom of the eighth, at 19 innings.

Think about that.  With the damned season hanging in the balance, the Royals staff – which was the punching bag of the sport for pretty much the entire last two decades – threw NINETEEN straight scoreless innings!  I don’t claim to be smart, and I don’t claim to be sober, but it seems to me that if the other team doesn’t score?

You’re not going to lose.

The Royals are getting close.  It’s beyond awesome they’re playing their best ball of the season when they need it the most.  (Even if momentum is overrated.)

But they’re not there yet.

Ask Dayton Moore's former (and future?) employer, if being close is good enough.

--------------------

Two years ago, the Atlanta Braves led the St. Louis Cardinals by three games, with five to play, for the one (and only) wildcard spot.  They – like the Royals today – were a 99.6% lock to make the playoffs.  Or to put it another way, the Cardinals had a 0.4% chance, of playing a week later.

Four weeks later, they were World Series Champions.

The Braves closed 0-5.  The Cardinals closed 4-1.  They then upset the Phillies (who won 102 games) in five, pounded Bernie's Brew Crew in six, and won an epic World Series over the Rangers.

It can be done.

But damn folks, if this Royals / Jays winning on the same night thing continues for one more night?

Tomorrow might be the day, we’ll be telling our grandkids about, for the rest of our lives.

And considering most of you loyal readers and friends who are reading this, don't have a kid over the age of ten?

That's how epic, tomorrow might be.

--------------------

True Story Time! 

I was emailing back and forth with “The Voice of Reason” during the Sox / Tigers game today, and at one point, the Royals magic numbers came up, and I typed “It could be 1/6 before we go to sleep tonight.”

I didn’t even realize it, until after I typed the number.

1.

That is what is at stake tonight.

And you’re goddamned right, there were a few tears in my eyes, simply seeing that number.

Because if 1 makes me a lil’ verklempt?

What the hell is 0 going to do?

--------------------

Current Scores As I Hit The Preview Section:

* Mariners 0, Blue Jays 0, Bottom 8.
* Royals 1, Chief Wahoos 3, Top 5.

--------------------

Tonight’s Games That Matter:


* Mariners at Blue Jays, 6:07pm CT.  For Seattle, this is almost it.  Their margin for error is almost zero.  Taijuan Walker (2-2, 3.00) takes the mound for the Mariners, and judging by the current score, he's delivering the performance of a lifetime so far.  Mark Buehrle (12-10, 3.53) has thankfully been every bit his equal so far.  Let's just hope for some late-game magic here for the Jays.

* Royals at Indians, 6:05pm CT.  For the Fighting Braves of the Cuyahoga, this is it.  It's win, or shut down the reservation.  Their elimination number is uno for everything.  One Royals / A's / Mariners win, and it's Bizarro Little Big Horn for them.  They're throwing Trevor Bauer (5-8, 4.06) at the Boyz N Blue tonight.  We're countering with Jason Vargas (11-10, 3.59), who has been rocked like a, uuh, rocker the last three outings, sporting a healthy 9.00 ERA over that span, including Friday night's debacle against Detroit.

--------------------

Final Thought:

"My Special Little Guy" turns seven in a few months.  I was eight the last time the Royals reached the playoffs.  I honestly don't remember 1985, or 1984.  

I honestly think part of the reason I don't remember it, is because postseason baseball was routine in the first eight, nine years of my life here.  The Royals made the playoffs six of the first eight years I was alive.

They haven't made a single one, in the last (nearly) thirty years, I've managed to keep breathing.

They weren't terrible right away.  They finished two out of first in 1987.  They had the third best record in all of baseball in 1989 (and missed the playoffs by seven games, damned Bash Brothers).  The hype for 1990 still makes me cringe at the waste that season was.  They were in it until mid-September in 1993, and were in prime playoff position when the strike hit in 1994.  Even in 1995, after the August fire sale, I left the Ballpark in Arlington the night before Labor Day, after a Royals victory, that gave them a one game lead in the race to be the first AL Wildcard Team.

And then ... nothing, save for 2003.

My way of saying this: I'm not a parent.  (It's ok -- even I thank God for that fact.  My goodness gracious, can you imagine how screwed up a kid of mine would be?)  But those of you who read this that are, please -- don't let your kids, be us in the 1980s.  Don't let them take this for granted.  Don't let them think this is routine, this is something that happens on an usual basis.

Because it doesn't.

So let your heart hold fast.  Because this (stress) soon shall pass.  Hopefully -- and let's all pray to God; every God there ever was, there ever is, there ever will be, and the universe entire -- hopefully, this (stress) passes tomorrow night.  

But get ready.  Because there's another hill ahead.

--------------------

Scores At Time Of Posting:

Toronto leads 1-0, Top 9.
Royals lead 4-3, Top 5.

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...