2018 chiefs in review

"The way you used to touch me?
Felt so fine.
We kept our hearts together
Down the line.

A moment in the soul?
Can last forever.
Comfort and keep us --
Help me bring the feeling back again.

Didn't we almost have it all?
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you?  Was worth the fall, my friend!
('Cause) loving you?  Makes life worth living!

Didn't we almost have it all!
The night we held on 'til the morning!
You know you'll never love that way again --
But didn't we almost have it all!

Didn't we have the best of times,
When love was young and new?
Couldn't we reach inside and find,
The world of me and you?

We'll never lose it again --
'Cause once you know
What love is?
You'll never let it end!

Didn't we almost have it all!
When love was all we had worth giving!
The ride with you?  Was worth the fall, my friend!
Didn't we almost have it all!

Didn't we almost have it all!!!!! ... "

-- "Didn't We Almost Have It All" by Whitney Houston.

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The 2018 Chiefs Year in Review from me: The Bests, The Worsts, The Memorable, The Questionable, The Highs, The Lows ... and the Single Greatest Moment of my Chiefs Fandom Life (So Far).

Which somehow?  Was not the game I had literally waited my entire life (42 years and counting) to witness in person.

Enjoy?

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* Best Game (Quality): at Rams, Week Eleven.  If you wanted to pick either Patriots game, I totally get it ... but both Pats games saw putrid (at best) Chiefs efforts in the first half -- they trailed by fifteen in the first matchup at the half, trailed by fourteen in the second.  The Rams game, on the other hand, was an absolute shootout from the moment the game began, and literally came down to the final pass of the game -- one of the very few times Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" actually failed to lead the comeback.  (He was intercepted on the Chiefs final drive, down three, with under a minute to play.) 

This game was phenomenal, and the entire country was turned back on to this sport all over again because of this game.  Seems obvious this was the best one of the year for the Red and Gold -- if not the entire sport -- quality wise.

* Worst Game (Quality): at Seahawks, Week Sixteen.  The only game all season the Chiefs really were never a part of.  If ever a seven point finale was a false front, it was this one.  Seattle should have won by twenty.  And damned near did.

* Best Game (Entertainment): at those people, Week Four.  I was there.  It was worth every penny of the price of admission.  #2ndand30 #lefthanded

* Worst Game (Entertainment): vs "Super" Chargers, Week Fifteen.  The Chiefs no-show most of the second half, the Chargers convert two fourth and longs on their final drive, then win the game on a two point conversion with 0:04 remaining.  Also, it was below freezing, in prime time, on a "school night" (aka "have to work the next day").  Not ideal conditions to be "entertained".

But hey -- it did deliver this sweet panoramic view of Section 132 during the National Anthem:

(Image Credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

* Best Play: Mahomes to Hill, 4th and 9, vs Ravens, Week Fourteen.  There are many to choose from ... but how can this one be topped?  Ravens 24, Chiefs 17, Chiefs (after a false start) backed up to their own 40 with 1:30 to go.

And then, this happened.

Of every jaw dropping, eye popping, cheek smacking play Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" made this season, this one tops them all in my book.

* Worst Play: Pick a 3rd and 10 in overtime, vs Patriots, AFC Championship.  I know there are many other plays most of you would pick from the AFC Title Game rather than these ... but these are the ones that mattered the most.  If you stop the Patriots on ANY of these three -- and if you're even semi-competent at defense, one out of three ain't asking too much * -- you stop ANY of these three and outs, especially the first two, the Chiefs are a near certainty to win.  (See the fourth quarter drives -- the Chiefs forced three stops.  The Patriots forced one ... and the Chiefs scored the last three times they had the ball.)

(*: linked behind a paywall.  I normally abhor paywalls unless it is to support local journalism ... but The Athletic is worth your $8 / month to subscribe to it for their Chiefs and NCAA hoops coverages alone.)

* Most Questionable Play: Chiefs try the field goal, 0:11 remaining, vs Patriots, AFC Championship.

This ... this is going to someday have to be added to the lengthy (and long overdue to be updated) "What If Game".

The Chiefs are facing a 2nd and 10 at the Patriots 21.  There are eleven seconds to play.  The Chiefs trail 28-31.  And the Chiefs are out of timeouts.

It is that last sentence -- the lack of timeouts -- that probably explains why "Fat" Andy sent Harrison Butker out to try (and make) the game tying field goal. 

And given the field goal was good, given the Patriots took a knee, and the game went to overtime, you can argue this is a moot point.

But I keep coming back to the fact there were eleven seconds to play, the Chiefs have (arguably) the best quarterback in the game, and he's got Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce, DeMarcus Robinson, and Damien Williams all available and ready to run a "three jet all go" play call to the end zone, to try to steal the victory.

(Side note: considering "Fat" Andy was on the losing sideline that day ... it only further boggles the mind he didn't attempt the "three jet all go", uuh, attempt, in that spot.)

(Second side note: holy sh*t, that play was twenty years ago!  Twenty!  Now I feel old!)

Seriously - why didn't the Chiefs try this?  Why didn't they try one last play before kicking the field goal?  This is an easy call -- set Mahomes up in the shotgun, with Sherman in to block.  Give him three steps.  If nobody is open, chuck it into Section 129 or 130, then kick the field goal to force overtime.

The Chiefs had a chance to avoid overtime all together, and bring Lamar's Trophy home.  They had one final opportunity to avoid their ultimate fate.  And instead, they literally kicked it away, and left their fate on the side of a coin.

This is the (non) play that I'll be ranting about long after I'm tossed into whatever mental health facility is going to replace Two Rivers as my eventual home.

* Best Tailgate: (tie) vs 49ers, Week Three; vs Colts, AFC Divisional.

Anytime you're in a tank top and shorts at 9:30 in the morning, and you're still sweating through everything you have on, it's my kind of day.  Also, by the end of the day, I looked like this:

(I swear, I did use sunscreen.  It didn't work.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

Conversely, admit it, the Colts tailgate was also about as cool as it gets.  There's something awesome about football in the snow.  Tailgating in it is just about as awesome:

(I couldn't find the view looking into our tailgate ... but this was 3 hours before kickoff, looking out from our tailgate.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

* Worst Tailgate: vs those people, Week Eight.

I missed the whole thing and barely made kickoff due to my flight home being delayed nearly ninety minutes that morning.  (I was supposed to land at KCI around 8:30am from San Antonio via Houston Bush; I landed a little after 10am.)  Which also meant that donkey didn't get an addition to him for the first time since he was first brought out to tailgating in 2010.

(Cinco Noose Donkey: 2010 he debuted.  2011 he got his first noose.  2012 he got his second.  2013 he got his third.  2014 he got his fourth.  2015 he got his fifth.  2016 he got his pacifier.  2017 he got diapers.  2018 he got nothing.  Which means I'll have to double him up I guess, come the tailgate against those people in 2019.)

* Best Road Trip: at those people, Week Four.  I went to two roadies this year -- those people and Seattle.  One was far better than the other.

* Worst Road Trip: to Sioux Falls for the raiders road game, Week Thirteen.  Every year our group heads up to "Raider Nation North" for the raiders roadie.  This year, it was both insanely cold ... and got snowed out. 

So, a road trip that is supposed to happen, but doesn't happen, is guaranteed to be the worst roadie, at least on this site, if only due to the sunken cost that is lost.

But ... on the other hand ...

I had that Monday (December 3rd) off to travel home.  So when I woke up that Monday, I fired up the laptop, took a look to see if anything new in the Jeep department had landed at CarMax overnight ... and lo and behold, there was!  Two hours and $30,000 in debt later, "New Tito" had a, uuh, new home, with me:

("New Tito" braving the elements the morning after the Colts game.  He loves the snow and cold about as much as his owner does.  Namely, he despises them.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

* Best Player (Offense): Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", QB.  Despite many worthy candidacies ... this is the obvious choice.

* Best Player (Defense): Chris Jones, DE.  Despite few if any worthy candidacies ... this is the obvious choice.

* Best Player (Special Teams): Harrison Butker, PK.  Nothing against Dusty C, but Butker made the biggest kick this franchise has had in many, many a moon (and no, that is not a cheap shot at fake Indian Elizabeth Warren ... or is it?  #teambiden).  That gives him the edge in my book.

* Worst Player (Offense): Kareem Hunt, RB.  In the words of the late, great John Candy: "what a moron!".

Although it did lead to one hysterical moment (at least for me) at the game against the Ravens: I'm standing in the beer line after entering the stadium, and some guy in his late 20s / early 30s has his 27 jersey on.  Only, instead of saying "Hunt", he's taped over Hunt and it now says "Johnson". 

We've gone full circle Chiefs fans -- we've swapped out one woman-beating alcoholic for another!  And don't know who is worse!  At least LJ has turned his life around ** .  Here's to hoping Kareem does as well.

(**: if you don't follow LJ on Twitter, you should.  Here's his handle.  Let's just say, the dude is a few fries short of the proverbial Happy Meal.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  No, that is not a cheap shot at his religious conversion!  I'm happy for him about that!  But read his tweetline.  The dude is more (whitney houston voice) crack is whack, than even I am.)

Also, before I forget ...

* Best Development (Arrowhead): Adding the Beer Garden Between Sections 132 and 131.  I don't even have to leave my section now to get the Kingdom Blonde Ale or a Boulevard on tap.  Sh*t, I don't even have to clog the aisle trying to get back -- I can grab a chair and wait for a timeout.  Nice use of a month of nothing going on, Chiefs organization.  (It was installed between the Cardinals game and Ravens game.)

And now back to wherever I was in this thing ...

* Worst Player (Defense): Anthony Hitchens, LB.  When it's all said and done, the latest in a long line of desperation Chiefs linebacker free agent signings may make some awful ones from the past ("Cut" glen cadrez, Shawn Barber, Kendrell Bell, Scott Fujita, Brandon Siler, Mike Vrabel, and countless others I've missed) look reasonable.

(Note: nobody believed in Brandon Siler more than me.  Nobody.  Just goes to show you.)

* Worst Player (Special Teams): none.  I can't really find fault with any of the core members of the Chiefs special teams this past season.

* Rookie of the Year (Offense): Andrew Wylie, OG.  I know, I know -- technically not a rookie.  (He signed with the Colts as an undrafted free agent after the 2017 draft, and saw no regular season action last season.)  But 2018 was his first year on a regular season NFL roster, and he made the most of it, picking up the pieces of LDT's loss and somehow, someway, holding his own against (a lot of weeks) the best the opposition could throw at the Chiefs. 

Also, considering the only offensive player Brett Veach picked was a defensive tackle to be developed into an offensive lineman (Kahlil McKenzie), I didn't have much to work with here.

Also, there are a lot of things in life that stun me; Brett Veach (and John Dorsey before him)'s ability to plug and play offensive linemen into a league average group?  Is not one of them.

* Rookie of the Year (Defense): Derrick Nnadi, DT.  You can also make a case for Dorian O'Daniel here, but given that Mr. Nnadi didn't see the field in the first two weeks, and was a key starter by the time the playoffs rolled around, I don't see how Mr. Nnadi isn't the clear choice here. 

* Rookie of the Year (Special Teams): Ben Niemann (LB).  I love this kid. 

And finally ... my three favorite moments of the season.

* Third Favorite Moment of the 2018 Season: Finally Witnessing a Victory in Person at fake mile high, Week Four.

There are things in life that we, as humans, love irrationally.  For me, those things definitely include my family, my friends that are family, Sunday evening dinners on The Deck with family and friends, Shiner Bock, Tito's vodka (what, like you'd expect anything else?), and the sports teams and players I root for, none more important to me than the Chiefs. 

Conversely, there are things in life that we, as humans, hate irrationally.  For me, those things definitely include The Quaff (although to be fair, that bar hates me as much as I hate it), people who lie to my face about my meaning and significance to them (thankfully, only one person has ever fit this category for me), and the sports teams and players I despise, none more despised than a team that plays an alleged mile high above sea level, a team so hated on this site I won't even refer to them by name.  They are "those people".

Prior to this season, I had never witnessed a victory at fake mile high against those people.  Nothing but defeats.  Then came Monday, October 1, 2018.

For three quarters, I'd braced myself for the inevitable.  (By "braced myself", I mean "I was plowing through Coors Lights like there was no tomorrow".)  And think of everything the Chiefs had to overcome in that fourth quarter to win!  They trailed 23-13 with barely twelve to play.  They overcame a 3rd and 16, 4th and 1, and 1st and 20 on their first touchdown drive of the quarter.  They then needed a left handed throw by Mr. Mahomes on 3rd and 5, then somehow convert a 2nd and 30, on the game winning drive.  And as if all that wasn't enough, they needed "The Stand, Part III" to close things out, as those people had goal to go, down four, with less than a minute to play, in the end zone I was sitting in.

All of which, led to this:

(Buh bye.  Thanks for coming.  Please, do not be safe on the way home ... but don't take it out on the dog.  He didn't ask to be a part of your demonic, indwelt existence, you orange clad fans.  Image Credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

It was a win I'd waited twenty years for.  And to this moment, the sports section of the October 2nd Denver Post hangs in my office:

((dan dierdorf voice) Poor case.  He did everything ... but win.  Image Credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

That's my third favorite moment of the 2018 season.

My second ... might surprise you, given how it ended.

But won't stun you at all, if you know me at all.

* Second Favorite Moment of the 2018 Season: The Chance to Bring Lamar's Trophy Home, AFC Championship.

Let's acknowledge the Captain Oats right away: the Chiefs lost the AFC Championship Game, 31-37, in overtime, to the New England Patriots.  And yeah, that hurts.  It's taken at least six months of therapy with Stevo's Site Numero Dos' Official Spiritual Advisor, the right Reverend Al K. Hall, to (possibly) get over it.  And six months is being conservative (something I'm not often accused of being).

But let's also acknowledge the Captain Oats not just right away, but going forward: that game was ... we'll get to it.

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From the moment the clock hit triple zeros against the Colts, to clinch the first home playoff win in 25 years, something awesome and incredible and damned near indescribable happened here in Kansas City: unity with one purpose and goal in mind, and that was to Bring Lamar's Trophy Home.

It started early in the week -- technically the Friday before -- at Crown Center:

(Hey, I can take a selfie!  Image Credits: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

Then (jimmy buffett voice) "come Saturday", the Chiefs let us know it was game on:

(Image Credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

Even Westport ceded Pioneer's Plaza to Chiefs fever:

(I pass this every day going to and from work.  It looks much better with the jerseys on, in my (rarely) humble opinion.  Image Credit: Martin Augustine, KMBC 9, via Twitter.)

Hell, (jimmy buffett voice) "come Sunday", I was so dialed in to what I thought this day would be, that as I left for the Bus Barn, and this was the first song that came on, I texted it to multiple people, certain it was a sign that Sunday, January 20, 2019, was a day that (fdr voice) would live in infamy:

(Also, why I considered this an omen: this was the song I was going to use for the Championship Game pick post, before I settled on "One Moment in Time" instead.  Image Credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

The Bus left for Arrowhead on Championship Sunday at 10am.  For a 5:40pm kickoff.  On a barely 20 degree day.  And we were nearly backed up to Stadium Drive when we arrived.

The Bus left Arrowhead a little after 11pm.  For a game that ended a little after 9pm.  When it was barely 5 degrees out.  The backup to get out was that long.

Meaning that for thirteen hours, the focus was on the Chiefs ... but for me, it was on something else too.

And that's a lot of you reading this (since let's face it, most of you reading this have tailgated with me a time or ten before, or gone to a game with me before).

We waited a lifetime for that day.  I've seen friends come and go.  I've seen family come and go.  We've buried friends that are family, and family that are friends.  And in the end, we all kept coming back because Championship Sunday was the payoff.  That was the end game.  One chance -- just one -- to do what no Chiefs team in our lives had ever done, and that's bring Lamar's Trophy home.

And that's probably why the loss, one coin flip shy of a Super Bowl and accomplishing the dream of Lamar's Trophy returning where it belongs and should never leave, doesn't sting like it should.  It's not because I'm confident the Chiefs will get there, and next time get the job done -- I am confident of that, although I'm not as high on this upcoming season at this point, as others of you are.

It's because of all we went through to get there. 

I wouldn't trade the memories I have with all of you, on the journey to that one magical dream-filled day for anything.

Not even Lamar's Trophy.

And that brings us to ...

* Favorite Moment of the 2018 Season: 11:51am, Sunday, September 23, 2018.

True story: I had the recap of the 49ers game started, and completed, through tailgating.  I even had what I thought was the perfect theme song to describe that game with ("Dream On" by Aerosmith").

And then, it came time to try to describe just what hearing three words, three simple words that had never triggered a truly emotional, gut-check reaction out of me before, it came time to explain why those three words had me crying like I've rarely if ever cried before.

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Since moving back from college after the 1998 season, I have heard the following names introduced as the Chiefs starting quarterback.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yeah, good point -- go pour yourself the stiffest drink you can tolerate, then add another couple splashes on top of it.  You're gonna need it.  Because here goes:

Elvis Grbac.  Trent Green.  Damon Huard.  Brodie Croyle.  Tyler Thigpen.  Matt Cassel.  Tyler Palko.  Kyle Orton.  Brady Quinn.  Alex Smith.  Chase Daniel.  Nick Foles.

A thirteenth ("The Maytag Repairman", Todd Collins) never started a game in the six seasons he was a backup to Mr.'s Grbac and Green.  A fourteenth (Warren Moon) started a road game in 2000, but none at home.

That's fourteen (at best) league average to (at worst) abject sh*ttacular quarterbacks we've endured in the last nineteen years.  (And note: I'm probably missing a couple.  I try to forget the Coach Asshat and Coach Baffoon eras (2009-2012) as much as possible.)

And then ... came "Fifteen".

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For once, I am thankful there is no Youtube! clip, there is no Arrowhead Pride video -- hell, I didn't even properly record the moment to my phone -- to show what Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" introduction was to those of us who witnessed it live.

(Note: that is an outright lie.  There is one clip available.  2:13 mark of it.  It doesn't even come close, to capturing the magic of the moment.  (Thank God.))

Because the explosion inside of Arrowhead when Fifteen was introduced?  

Deserves to stay with us, who sat through twenty, thirty, forty plus years of utter sh*t, to witness that one moment.

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My favorite moment from tailgating that day -- and it's amongst my most cherished tailgating moments ever, if I'm being honest here -- was myself, "The Voice of Reason", and Jasson standing around, pushing 10:30am on a gorgeous 90 degree sunny day, and this conversation occurred:

("the voice of reason") So, are you going to cry today?

(stevo) Of course I am!

(jasson) (unprovoked) I already have.

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Time changes a lot of things.  And no, the three of us aren't what we were twenty years ago, when my favorite picture of us was snapped by (I believe) Jenni.  But I'm damned glad time (and my f*ck ups and failures) didn't rob us of that moment.  Three great friends, raised as Chiefs fans, who've dealt with crushing defeat after indefensible loss after choke-job after botched field goal after costly interception after "forward progress non-fumble" after "Holding, 72" on a two point conversion, after ... well, you get the point.  It's been thirty f*cking plus years of misery.

And then, yet again, as had happened so many times before, there's a reboot, another potential franchise savior, another "please trust us, we know what we're doing" plea from a front office that most of the time, has been clueless during our, uuh, clued in years as Chiefs fans.

Yet this one?

This one feels different.

The tears prove it.

Because I never cried hearing Elvis Grbac, Trent Green, Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, Tyler Thigpen, Matt Cassel, Tyler Palko, Kyle Orton, Brady Quinn, Alex Smith, Chase Daniel, or Nick Foles introduced as my quarterback.  (Unless it was in horror.  Which is possible.)

Three words made me an emotional wreck to open last year's home schedule.

"And at Quarterback!"

I can't wait to see Section 132 become all dusty and allergen-filled all over again, come September 22nd ...

conference title round: just once ...

"Each day I live?
I want to be?
A day to give
The best of me.

I'm only one --
But not alone!
My finest day?
Is yet unknown!

I broke my heart
For every gain.
To taste the sweet?
I faced the pain.

I rise and fall,
Yet through it all?
This much remains --
I want ...

One moment in time.
When I'm more than I thought I could be.
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me!

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny!
Then?  In that one moment of time?
I will feel?  I will feel?

Eternity ..."

-- "One Moment in Time" by Whitney Houston.

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The Non-Chiefs Prediction.

* Rams (+3 1/2) 41, at Saints 30.

The Chiefs Prognostication.

So ... how has your week been?

I left Friday evening about 8pm for the Second Parents house to stay the night, since (a) it'd been snowing since noon in Midtown where I work, and (b) it was supposed to dump 5-8 inches overnight, and I had no desire to drive in that, just to catch The Bus to head to Arrowhead on Saturday.

And dump said storm did!  Because sometime Friday night into Saturday morning, I lost power at my place down in Waldo.  I headed home Saturday night and braved it, because half of my street had power, and I was hopeful that sometime early Sunday, we'd get power back on the upper half of Madison Avenue.

(Also, as I noted numerous times Sunday: even without power and heat, that house was still warmer and drier than Arrowhead was for twelve hours on Saturday.)

So when I woke up about 8:30 Sunday morning, and there still was no power, I didn't panic, or get upset.  For starters, I have like five comforters on my bed, because my bedroom faces straight northeast in a 75 year old house.  It's not like losing power and heat made that room much colder.  But also, I could see and hear the power crews working, and since I had plans virtually all day Sunday, I figured for sure by the time I got home sometime Sunday evening, I'd at least have enough power to watch the one "I don't know why I love this show, but I do, so lay off me!", uuh, show, on my regular viewing schedule.

(That would be "God Friended Me" ... and please, spare me your responses.  I've already heard them all, for liking this show.)

Nothing.  Had nothing Sunday night.

So I toughed it out again.  After all, as my mom noted: "this is just God toughening you up for Sunday night".  Gee, thanks.  I didn't know I needed "toughening up" to attend a game I've literally waited my entire life for.

Monday, ditto.  Cold and dark.

Tuesday at lunch, I drove by the house just to see ... and holy sh*t, there's a porch light on!  I felt more lit than Tom Bodett doing a Motel Six commercial!  Or Martin Mull hawking Red Roof Inn back in the day!  (Either of which I'd have paid to stay in Tuesday night, because I wasn't enduring Day Five of #poweroutage2019.)

As someone that had, to the best of my recollection and knowledge, not gone more than two straight nights without power before (and that was, I believe, in August 2003, so cold and/or dark wasn't really that big of a factor ... although stupidity was, and boy is that one helluva story I should tell sometime, but anyways ...), let me tell you.

It isn't the cold that sucks.  You can always find enough blankets and/or people to keep warm enough to see the sunrise.  It isn't the loss of power that truly sucks.  I managed to make do with a flashlight and a conveniently placed cooler in my bedroom filled with ice, Dr. Pepper, and Weller.  It isn't taking a shower without hot water ... although that's damned close.  I think I lasted 40 seconds before shouting "this f*cking sucks, I'm done!" to noone in particular (since I was (macauley culkin voice) home alone.)

No, what sucks is the darkness.  The seemingly, never ending darkness.

There ain't no light at the end of the tunnel, when you can't even find the tunnel, even if you're groping the wall for said tunnel, Charlie Rose style.

The darkness is what sucks the most, bar none.

Because darkness symbolizes no hope, no chance, no ability to chart a course to the light.

If you can't see where you're going?  How can you ever get there?

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Walking into the place on Tuesday, was weird.

I mean, and I swear, that if you're reading this, and think this makes no sense, then you're the one mentally challenged, but I swear, we all know our way around our own joints, right?

I have drunk stumbled my way to my bedroom at least 400 times in the three plus years I've lived at my place.  (Note: number is an approximation; actual total is likely much higher.)  In the words of Andy Grammar: I can "always find my way back home".

Only, Tuesday night, home felt different.

For starters, I had to chuck most everything out of the fridge, and at least half of what was in the freezer.  For seconds, the WiFi router blew something (a fuse / its usage / a temper tantrum) during the power outage.  It had to be replaced.  And as if that wasn't neat enough to return to, I realized I had at least three or four loads of laundry to do before this weekend, and I wasn't about to risk another four days without power to get a couple sweatshirts washed, so I did what I haven't done in at least three or four years: I loaded up the Jeep and headed for a laundry mat. 

But mostly, it felt weird to me, because for the previous 72, 96 hours, darkness defined my place.

And now, all of a sudden, there was a light not even 12 inches of snow, tons of downed trees, multiple defeated power lines, and (a possible) collapse of law and order in Waldo could hold back.

A bright, shining light coming out of abject darkness.

Circle me intrigued, Bert.  Circle me intrigued.

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Sunday, at 5:40pm Arrowhead Time, my ultimate Chiefs fantasy comes true.  I know, it's probably sad and possibly pathetic that watching my team bring Lamar's Trophy home means more to me than winning Mr. Lombardi's Trophy.  But it does.

Because I am 42 years, 0 months, and 17 days old come kickoff on Sunday ... and this has never happened before in my life.

The Chiefs.  Playing at home.  To bring Lamar's Trophy home.

Circle me excited, Bert.  Circle me excited.

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So, for Sunday.

The menu is stripped to its core.  We're doing crock pots, and that's it.  (Well, other than coolers of booze.  We always do that.)  Part of this is due to the weather.  I drove by our spot at Arrowhead today on my way to the Team Store, and it's an ungodly muddy mess.  (As any of you reading this that were there last week, can confirm.)  Also, I have no intention of getting stuck in an hour long security line, so I plan to head in by 3:45pm Arrowhead Time at the latest.  I am fully aware that is two hours before kickoff.  I'll have enough Fireball on me, to make it work.

(Or Jim Beam Fire, which -- sssh! -- might be better.  And I say this as someone that is not a fan of Jim Beam ... because Mr. Beam is definitely not a friend of mine most of the time.)

The Bus leaves at approximately 9:30am Arrowhead Time.  My guess is, the gates will open by noon at the latest ... and I'd take the under on that bet.  Because I'm betting the crowd on Sunday, will befit the event.

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So, as for Sunday?

Well, considering I haven't even recapped Saturday yet, I'm not sure what is left to say.

The last two times the Patriots stepped into Arrowhead in games that count?  They got taken to the woodshed, bent over, and given the business.

A Tom Brady 4 INT defeat in 2005, 26-16.  A game best remembered (and man, I wish I had the email recap from TA to post) for postgaming it with Boomer and Jared Allen in the blue Cadillac with the longhorns, making plans to head to Dallas in a few days for the last time the Chiefs would play at Texas Stadium in a game that counts.

And a total team beatdown defeat in 2014, 41-14, the night before the best sporting event I've ever attended, went down.

And I suppose, it is that game, that brings this to a close ... and might tie it all together.

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Few, if any, things have come to be great, through luck.

Few, if any, things have come to be loved, through luck.

And few, if any, things have come to be believed in, through luck.

Chiefs fans?  Luck died on that field last week.  He was drug to an early grave, 31-13, behind a defensive performance for the ages, an offense that continues to have 26 points as rock bottom for a game (seriously -- when you know you're posting at least 26 every time you show up?  That's gotta be intimidating for the opposition), and a special teams that was one play from being flawless (one of the best punt blocks I've ever seen, in the interest of honesty).

There's nothing attributable to luck, to explain where we are. 

There's something else, to do that.

Forty Two years, of darkness ... shaken awake by a light that cannot be consumed.

--------------------

So, let me truly close with this.

I've re-written portions of this (especially this portion) about 42 times since last Sunday morning.  I thought about running through the roles of everyone who has made my life better each Sunday or Monday or Thursday through the years, being in our tailgating spot, being in that stadium ... but Sam Mellinger already beat me to that idea.  I thought about going through my favorite moments of this season ... only the season isn't done yet, and frankly, the only two plays so far in the discussion for my favorite are the left handed throw at those people, and the 4th and 9 against the Ravens.  Nothing else is close on the field.

(Off the field, that's also a two puppy / pony / rooster / rubber chicken race: Patrick Mahomes singing along enthusiastically to "Sweet Caroline", the game against the Bengals was so out of hand, and the initial introduction of Mr. Mahomes against the 49ers.  Again, nothing else is close off of the field.)

I've thought of other ideas already taken -- the end of the home game playoff curse, an appreciation for the fact that the dude this blog was initially named for, in actuality is the dude who revolutionized the NFL into what it now is, even a simple reflective (matchbox 20 voice) "let's see how far we've come" shout-out to "Fat" Andy and the people he brought in to fix this broken and (stewie griffin voice) roo-eened franchise.

(I guarantee you, "Fat" Andy has had him some (stewie griffin voice) cool hwip in his day.)

So instead of those ideas now on the scrap pile of history ... I come back to the theme of the post.

One moment in time.

Again, as noted last week, we're long past time for fire-up speeches here.  I've waited 42 years, 0 months, and 17 days for this one moment in time.  Some of you reading this have waited longer than me; the blessed amongst you reading this, have waited shorter than I have.  But we've all waited for this.

One moment in time.

That one moment, is here, come 5:40pm Arrowhead Time Sunday, January 20, 2019.

Finally, for once and for all, let's #bringlamarstrophyhome.

Finally, for once and for all, #letsroll.

Finally, for once and for all, #bethebest.

* at Chiefs (-3) 27, Patriots 20.

Hope to see you Sunday.  If you do see me, I make no apologies for how I'll be.  I will most likely be in a state of complete emotional meltdown most of the day. 

I think that's a great thing.

And as always, until next time, hey!

(sgt. esterhaus voice) Let's be careful out there ...

divisional round: turn the key ...

"Some people think,
That if you really believe?
That's that what you need,
To solve all the mysteries.

Yeah, I know someone,
Who just heads for the sun.
She says "I don't wanna be right;
I just want to stay young!"

So close!
Yet so far away.
So close!
Yet so far away.

We believe in tomorrow,
But we're stuck in today.
Baby?  We're so close -- so close!
Yet so far away ..."

-- "So Close" by Hall and Oates.  And yes, I still refuse to acknowledge believe that Daryl Hall and G. E. Smith are not one and the same person ...

--------------------

The Non-Chiefs Divisional Round Picks.

* at Rams (-7) 45, Cowboys 24.  What did anyone see last Saturday night that has led every man and his drunk uncle (or "drunkle", as the t-shirt I got for Christmas anoints me as * ) to bet on Dallas?  The Cowboys played a perfect game against a Seahawks team that was fatally flawed eight ways from Sunday ... and they still needed a 3rd and 14 conversion to hold on for a two point win.  Does that sound like a team that's gonna roll into Los Angeles, against a Son O' Bum defense that has prepped for it for two weeks, and cover?  Let alone win?  In the words of the late, (not really so) great Nell Carter: "Gimme a Break!"

* at Patriots (-4) 31, "Super" Chargers 13.  This one strikes me as a game close at the half (think 13-7 ish), that the Patriots blow wide, wide open in the third quarter. 

* Eagles (+8) 31, at Saints 28.  I don't have many rules in life, let alone rules I actually attempt to adhere to.  But one rule I am fairly certain should be followed is this: when your quarterback's nickname is "Big Dick", because his manhood is extremely, uuh, manly, and he's the defending Super Bowl champion quarterback, and he hasn't lost a meaningful game in over two years?  I'm taking the eight.  And since I really think this Saints team is the 2003 Chiefs of this decade, I'm taking the Eagles to win outright.

(*: mine is red, but same style:

Image Credit: me, via the Snag-It tool on my computer.)

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.

For once ... sh*t, for the first time ever, I come to praise "K"KK.

Me praising Ol' Klassy?  I never thought this day would arrive.

See, Karvinal Kevin has been using his Twitter handle to shout out bars and watching parties outside of Kansas City, for Chiefs fans to meet up at, for Saturday's game.  People using social media for an absolute good.  Circle me stunned Bert.  Circle me stunned.

And for the record, I wish I'd had this available to me when I was in college a couple decades ago.  It took me a couple games to find the Chiefs bar up on Trinity Boulevard in north Arlington, and even then, it was nowhere near as good an "official" watching spot, as what we turned the Bennigan's on Bridge Street in, uuh, Bridgewood, into.

Anyways, good job, "supusetamente sin pantalones"!  I'd say keep it up, but keeping said pantalones up (supusetamente) is one of many, many reasons I despise your self-righteous, hypocritical "hombre de familia" so f*cking much.

The Watching Party Plans.

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.

The Tailgating Plans.

The Bus leaves at 8am for Terrorhead.  At last count there are 9 riders, including a few Dakota folks coming in for this game.  As always, if you don't want to brave the snow tomorrow, and/or don't want to pay $60 to park, you're welcome to ride out with us.

The menu is burgers, brats, and dogs, plus brisket from Gates.  We'll also have assorted side dishes, plus more alcohol than any reasonable persons could plow through in four hours.

Depending on how fast and how much it's falling, I am planning to head down once the gate attendants arrive, to dig out our usual spot, on the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign.  We'll get the tents up and heaters going ASAFP once those gates open.

(And they won't open at 10:30.  I'll be stunned if they make it to 10am before opening.  They were wide open a little before 10am against the raiders.)

Hope to see you tomorrow.  And if you're coming?  Bring your A Plus Plus shouting voice.  None of us should have a voice, come 8pm Saturday night.

Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.

You've probably noticed it's been almost two months since I last posted.  A lot happens in two months.  Some of it good (I bought a Jeep ** !), some of it surprisingly good (second promotion in four months!), some of it surprisingly bad (two great pairs of friends have decided to divorce, and a third pairing is apparently hanging by a "wait, I have to forgive you again?!?!?!" thread of inevitability), and some of it inevitable (I somehow lasted another year on this planet ... and yes, my liver has no idea how).

But truth be told, there's a very simple reason for the lack of posting: my laptop crapped out on me in early December.  And being the cheap ass I am, I waited until my birthday last week to replace it.

Now that a functional laptop is available, I'll try to do better about posting.

But I wouldn't bet on it.

(**: admit it, you have no idea who looks better, me or the car.

Image Credit: someone at CarMax using my iPhone 8 something.)

The Chiefs Prognostication and Pontification.

(pastor stevo) (shuffling the sermon notes)
(the congregation) (growing restless)
(pastor stevo) (chugging a quick coors light)

Let's begin.

--------------------

We enter this confrontation knowing one thing up front, that is undeniable for any fan of a sports team anywhere: it hurts to be a fan.

And it doesn't matter who you root for.  There is going to be hurt, frustration, pain, misery, and humiliation dumped on you, for your choice of fandom.

Even the Yankees fans have to own being up 3-0 in the series, up 4-3 in Game Four, in the bottom of the ninth inning, with the greatest closer of all time on the mound ... and somehow losing four straight from that point, in four days.  That's about as painful of a 96 hours of sports imaginable -- nothing but abject disaster (Dave Roberts' steal), abject failure (the pitch to David Ortiz in the bottom of the 12th of Game Four ... and bottom of the 14th less than 24 hours later in Game Five), to abject misery (every swing and miss against "The Bloody Sock" in Game Six), to abject f*cking catastrophe (in the words of Ben Harper: "But Johnny Damon swung his bat / Grand Slam!  That was that!").

Even the Yankees -- the most successful sports franchise since the lions of ancient Rome were devouring religious deviants 1800 years ago -- even the Yankees and their fans, know rock bottom humiliation.

As Chiefs fans, we like to think we own the market on sports misery, and in some regards, that's correct.  Especially when it comes to the Indianapolis Colts.  When you have four actual (and one de-facto) playoff defeats in 23 years against a team, with zero wins to offset those defeats, that's misery.  We all know the dates -- 1995, 1996 (the de-facto loss, a "winner's in / loser's in deep sh*t" Week Sixteen defeat), 2003, 2006, 2013.  Having been at the last three defeats (I missed the first two due to this pesky thing called "college"), I get it.

Like all of you, I've endured my share of heartbreak, misery, and sheer humiliation from the sports franchises I root for.  Pick a Chiefs playoff defeat -- you've got fourteen actual ones * , and four de-facto ones ** -- to pick from in the last thirty years.  Pick a Jayhawks tournament exit *** .  Game Seven of the 2014 World Series.  Phil Michelson at a US Open.  Andy Roddick at a US Open.  The 1998 and 2000 Dallas Stars.  Tony Stewart at Indy.

Pain, hurt, suffering, misery, humiliation, heartbreak.  It's in our DNA as a Chiefs fan.  As a fan of sports.

But with that comes ...

--------------------

(*: ranked backwards by me, in order of hurt from "really didn't bother me" to "I locked myself in my bedroom for three straight days with nothing but handles of vodka" pain ... (14) 1991, at Bills Divisional Round; (13) 1994, at Dolphins Wild Card Round; (12) 2010, vs Ravens Wild Card Round; (11) 1992, at Chargers Wild Card Round; (10) 2006, at Colts Wild Card Round; (9) 2015, at Patriots Divisional Round; (8) 2017, vs Titans Wild Card Round; (7) 2003, vs Colts Divisional Round; (6) 1990, at Dolphins Wild Card Round; (5) 2016, vs Steelers Divisional Round; (4) 2013, at Colts Wild Card Round; (3) 1995, vs Colts Divisional Round; (2) 1993, at Bills AFC Championship; (1) 1997, vs those people Divisional Round.)

(**: I only counted de-facto playoff games the Chiefs lost (1996 vs Colts, 1999 vs raiders, 2011 vs raiders, 2014 at Steelers).  There are others the Chiefs won (1994 at raiders, for example) that I didn't count since the playoff appearance trumped it in importance for the season.)

(***: my most painful one to witness in person is still the Elite Eight defeat to Georgia Tech in 2004.  The most painful to watch on the couch was 1997 against Arizona, bar none.)

--------------------

... the reason why most of us, are a fan of who we are a, uuh, fan of.

And that's the euphoria, the sheer thrill and emotional high, of victory by our team.

I still to this day can flash back to that Wild Card game in Houston three years ago.  Just close my eyes, think of that day, and the first thing that comes to mind is standing in a mob of Chiefs fans in the southeast corner of NRG Reliant, high fiving players and fellow fans, as Green Day's "Holiday" blared through the PA system.  The chorus, shouting defiance at twenty two years of playoff defeats:

"I beg to dream and differ?
From your hollow lies!
This is the dawning
Of the rest of our lives!"

I can still hear those first notes belted out by the Pride of Kansas, the KU Band, with a little less than a minute left in the 2002 Elite Eight game against Oregon, that wiped away ten years of chokes, collapses, and abject embarrassing performances, and singing right along as they played:

"We're not gonna take it!
No!  We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it!
Anymore!!!!!!"

I can remember sitting in the Southeast Paddock, on a miserably hot 95 plus degree Indianapolis afternoon in 2005, as Tony Stewart finally took the checkered flag.  That was one fun post-party at Dave and Kathy's, let me tell you.  Hell, Mr. Stewart himself was still kissing bricks and chugging beer long after the last fan had left the Speedway that day ... and as one of the last fans who left, I can tell you, it was after the sun went down.

And of course, what until now is still the most "holy hell, this is real, and it is spectacular!" sporting event I've ever attended -- a game so epic, so thoroughly unforgettable, that even God Himself cried over the ending.

Moments like those, games like those, races like those?

That's why we love sports so damned much.

(That ... and the tailgating, of course.)

--------------------

Saturday, at 3:35pm Arrowhead Time, the Chiefs will face off against the Colts, for the right to advance to a place the Chiefs have only been once in my lifetime: the AFC Championship Game.

And to quote Coach Norman Dale: "we're way past big speech time" now.

I can honestly admit, it's been a long, long time since I have been this nervous for a Chiefs game.  As I noted to "The Voice of Reason" this morning, I've already dry heaved from stress, and as I type this sentence, we are still 29 hours and change away from kickoff.  Puking 30 hours out.  Even for me, that's frightening.

And part of those nerves, are because I honestly believe, this is the biggest Chiefs game of my life.  I think this is the toughest test the 2018 Chiefs will face in the chase for permanent greatness known as being crowned the Super Bowl Champions.  Because, to quote Van Jones from Election Night 2016: "this?  Is where the pain comes.  This is where the hurt comes from."

(Hang on, I need to bash my head a few times over the pain and hurt of November 8, 2016.  I'll be back in (chuck woolery voice) two and two.)

Because here we are again.

The Divisional Round.

It's the Chiefs Achilles heel.  It's their insurmountable obstacle.

It's their hill they die for, (cyndi lauper voice) "time after time".

1991.  1995.  1997.  2003.  2015.  2016.

Or, to quote the theme of the post:

So close!
Yet so far away ...
So close!
Yet so far away ...

I honestly believe if the Chiefs can overcome Saturday's opponent -- just survive and advance to the third weekend of the postseason for the first time since I was a junior in high school, and I turned 42 last week -- if the Chiefs win Saturday, I think they will accomplish the impossible dream, and win the Lombardi.

If they win Saturday?  Let's just get this out of the way.  I think if the Chiefs win tomorrow, that next Sunday will be, in the words of my dad, "an ass kicking of biblical proportions".  Chargers, Patriots, it doesn't matter -- if the Chiefs are playing at 5:40pm Arrowhead Time next Sunday, they're not losing.  They're going to demolish whoever is sent into that stadium, like a lion devouring a person of faith in ancient Rome.

And frankly, none of the NFC teams frighten me.  The Saints are a paper tiger, and are going down this weekend to the Eagles.  The Cowboys are too shaky to trust, and if you think "Fat" Andy has clock management and game call issues down the stretch of a game, then you haven't met Jason Garrett.  The Rams are probably the best team in football, but they can't beat the Eagles, and most people don't think they'll survive Dallas to face Philly anyways.  And the Eagles?  That's probably the dream matchup ... but I guarantee you, "Fat" Andy, the teacher?  With two weeks to prepare for his pupil?

Will school him like few teachers have ever schooled a pupil.

This is the biggie.  This is the one that unlocks everything else.

And for the first time -- because we didn't have it in 1995, we didn't have it in 1997, we didn't have it in 2003, we didn't have it in 2015 or 2016 -- for the first time?

We have the key, to unlock the godd*mned gate, blocking this team from its' (mr. hoduski voice) "manifest destiny".

--------------------

This home season began with me (and many of you) crying tears of pure, unfiltered, euphoric joy the likes of which we have never shed before, at just hearing three words on the PA system a little after 11:50am Arrowhead Time, on Sunday, September 23, 2018:

"And at quarterback!"

Hell, I just teared up again thinking of those three words, three words we've waited a lifetime to hear -- "and at quarterback!"

And this home season is going to end with me (and many of you) crying tears of pure, unfiltered, euphoric joy the likes of which we have never shed before, a little after 9pm Arrowhead Time next Sunday, when Lamar's Trophy finally comes home. 

I have a sneaking suspicion so many tears will be shed, that the Sports Complex will be renamed Lake Arrowhead next Monday, it'll be so flooded by the time we exit.

Saturday?  The key to ending a lifetime of frustration, of failure, of disappointment, of anything approaching ultimate success, gets put into the lock.

And turned.

Chiefs fans?

#bedamnedloud

#breaKtheCycle

#headbandnation

#letsroll

* at Chiefs (-5) 45, Colts 27. 

week eleven: the rivalry that never was ...

"How can we be lovers
If we can't be friends?
How can we start over
If the fighting never ends?

How can we make love
If we can't make amends?
How can we be lovers
If we can't be, can't be friends?

Look at us now --
Look at us baby.
Still trying to work it out --
Never get it right.

We must be fools --
We must be crazy!
Whoa, oh!  There's no communication!
Whoa, oh!  It's a no win situation!

How can we be lovers
If we can't be friends?
How can we start over
When the fighting never ends?

How can we make love
If we can't make amends?
How can we be lovers
If we can't be, can't be friends? ..."

-- "How Can We Be Lovers" by Michael Bolton.

--------------------

Last Week SU: 8-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 89-57-2.

Last Week ATS: 5-8-1.
Season to Date ATS: 69-71-8.

Last Week Upset / Week: yikes.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-8-0 SU / 4-5-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Jaguars (+5 1/2) over Steelers.

--------------------

The Non-Chiefs Picks.

* Packers (+2 1/2) 31, at Seahawks 24.  Mike McCarthy should have been fired the moment he opted to punt.

* Bengals (+4) 23, at Ravens 21.  Sneaky good matchup that might be an elimination game for all intents and purposes, especially if Baltimore loses.

* at Jaguars (+5 1/2) 24, Steelers 23.  The Jaguars are about to go on a 1995 Detroit Lions run to snag the six seed.  Or so says me.

* at Giants (+1) 3, Bucs 0.  "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.

* Panthers (-4) 27, at Lions 20.  "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.

* at Colts (-2) 34, Titans 31 (OT).  On paper, this might be THE game, that decides the six seed in the AFC.  (The "Super" Chargers are all but a lock for the five.)  In the last two weeks, the Titans have blown out Dallas in Dallas, and blown out New England in Nashville.  If they win this game?  Well, I predicted way back when they'd be the one seed for a reason.  On the other hand, if Indy wins to get back to .500?  With that schedule left?  They might be the second team in four years to go from 1-5 to the playoffs (along with your 2015 Chiefs). 

This isn't quite "best game of the year" status worthy.  Sh*t, at best, it's the third biggest game of the week.  But this does deserve some designation to note how great this game is on paper.  So, let's go with "Lost Game O' The Week" honors.  Because I have no idea how we got here, there's possibly a polar bear involved, and a Colts / Titans matchup six weeks before the playoffs start deciding the six seed, somehow makes sense.

* Cowboys (+3) 31, at "Shane" Falcons 21.  This is a "loser retires" match the WWF used to stage so awesomely.

* at Redskins (+3) 24, Texans 17.  I ask this with all due sincerity: has any matchup of 6-3 divisional leaders ever attracted LESS attention, than this week's Texans / Skins match?  More to the point, if it's Houston at Kansas City in the Divisional Round, how terrified are you, Chiefs fans?  Because I'm scared sh*tless at that prospect.

* those people (+7) 27, at "Super" Chargers 17.  I despise those rare days I have to root for those people.  Sunday?  We all root for those people.  Because if this upset happens, the Chiefs are two clear of everyone entering Monday night, in the AFC.

* at "Super" Cardinals (-4) 16, raiders 6.  "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors ... if not o' the year.

* Eagles (+9) 34, at Saints 31 (OT).  The defending champs have their backs to the wall.  They'll find a way to somehow, some way, (rascal flatts voice) stand.  Jesus, this game is going to be great.  I love nothing more when it comes to sports (save for my side winning) than watching a proven veteran team with its' season on the line, fight with everything left in them, to save said season.

* at Bears (+3) 24, Vikings 20.  I texted my cousin Juli (she and her husband are Bears season ticket holders) about this one.  Her response: "I've waited a f*cking decade for this day!  We're gonna kick their asses!"  Nice to see everyone in my family not only knows how to employ a generous f-bomb when it's called for ... but knows professional football misery.

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.

He's being too quiet.  It's like the calm before the monsoon.  You know there's an explosion of insanity and/or indefensibility coming.  I'll just keep patiently waiting for it I guess.

The Tailgating Plans.

There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a game I will be in attendance for.  And for once, I'm glad about that.  Mexico was the game my brother and I circled earlier this year for a road trip.  It never came through.  Thankfully.  Because I don't have $1,000 to eat at this point.  #carshopping

The Watching Party Plans.

There are The Watching Party Plans.  We will be at McFadden's down in Power and Light.  We have two tables reserved, and a $200 tab to spend through.  Barring something unforeseen, I plan to duck out at halftime, as (a) I have to work Tuesday morning, and (b) I have no desire to get shot sitting at the 59th or Gregory stoplights on 71 heading home.  (I kid, I kid.  I think.)

I plan to get there a little after 5, 5:15 to get started.  Feel free to join us.  We'll probably be in the lower bar area closest to the exit out into P&L, where we were for the Browns game.

The Flashback.

Here is the recap from the 2014 Chiefs / Rams game.

Here are my thoughts from the 2006 Chiefs / Rams game.  (Warning: NSFW.)

Sadly, I have nothing from 1997, 2000, 2002, or 2010, to post as a flashback recap.

But having noted that, the cool thing to realize in this "rivalry that never was"?

The Chiefs went 6-0 against the Rams in the regular season, when they resided across the state.

Six.  And.  Oh.

Considering I do numbers for a living, I can swear to you -- that's pretty damned good.

Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.

We're now in what, Week Five of the water and sewer line replacement on 84th Street ... and yeah, they ain't getting this bastardo done by Christmas, let alone Thanksgiving:

(The view towards Madison, where I live.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

(The view towards Wornall is somehow worse.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again ... hit it!

"Good Times!  Anytime you need a payment!
Good Times!  Anytime you need a friend!
Good Times!  Anytime you're out from under!
Not gettin' hassled!  Not gettin' hustled!

Keepin' yo head above water!
Makin' a wave when you can!

Temporary layoffs?  Good Times!
Easy credit ripoffs?  Good Times!
Scratchin' and survivin'?  Good Times!
Hangin' in a chow line?  Good Times!

Ain't we lucky we got 'em?
(Na Na Na Na Na!) Good TImes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And you're godd*mned right, that's former Kansas City Chief John Amos, starring as family patriarch James Evans.

The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.

For the second week in a row, the Chiefs will face on of the two smartest franchises in professional sports.  Especially in the NFL.

Because just like the "Super" Cardinals in 1988, the Rams had the sense two years ago to bid goodbye to our b*tch to the east, hope of crap rap like Chingy and JKWON, home to the worst beer ever brewed anywhere (Bud Light), home to the most arrogant, stuck up fans in all of professional sports (the baseball Cardinals).

Home to the city that gave us Dred Scott, which not only pushed the timeline of the impending Civil War up by four decades, it was a ruling so hideous that the President allegedly had to bribe a judge into changing his descent, to "present" a more unified ruling to the public.  (Chief Justice Taney ruled in 1857 that not only was freed black Dred Scott not free, but also not a citizen, not eligible to become a citizen, and that in fact he retained fewer rights as a person, than a dresser did as a piece of furniture ... because that is literally was Taney ruled Scott and every black person was: a piece of furniture.  Don't tell me we're a more racist society today, than 150 years ago, Democrats running on racial issues everywhere.  It's not even close.  Nobody views you as a plush pillow the dog sleeps on anymore.)

Yes, for the second week in a row, the Chiefs play a team that fled St. Louis to play elsewhere.

And somehow, as much as I love the "aw, St. Louis got screwed, isn't this sweet!" aspect of it ... damn, I hate the loss, of a potential hated rival.

--------------------

I've long advocated the NFL should expand the schedule by one game, to seventeen, and make that seventeenth game every season, a cross-conference rivalry game.  (Which currently occur every fourth year; in the year(s) that matchup would already occur, just schedule the game against a team not on the schedule.)

Think about it.  Giants / Jets every year.  49ers / raiders.  "Super" Chargers / Rams.  Cowboys / Texans.  Dolphins / Bucs or Jags / Bucs.  those people / "Super" Cardinals.  "Shane" Falcons / Titans or Panthers / Titans.  Redskins / Ravens.  Eagles / Steelers.  Bears / Colts.

Most of these matchups already occur in the preseason every year.  I've always felt they'd be much better as a regular season game.

And man, how fun could Rams / Chiefs be these next five, six, seven years folks, if they met every regular season ... instead of just twice (Monday night and sometime in 2022) guaranteed, in a game that counts within those seven years?

Because of the Rams move, our closest NFC rival would be who, Chicago?  Minnesota?  I mean, I'm going to Chicago next year when the Chiefs play there (the Vikings and Packers come here; we go to Chicago and Detroit), and it's a fun game ... but it isn't the same as beating a cross-state rival.  Minnesota?  Been there, done that a few times ... and again, there's just no spark there, no hatred there.

Anyways, there's my $0.02 on NFL scheduling.  Not that it's worth even that.

--------------------

Now for my other rant of the week, and that is Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" desire to get a Whataburger here in Kansas City.

If you have never had Whataburger?  Count your damned blessings.  I have never understood the love for that place.  And spare me the "well, you probably only ate it once, at a sh*tty location".  I ate it many times, across many locations, in my four years living in the Metroplex.  And every single burger I ever had there was awful.  (To be fair, the chicken sandwich is passable, and they do make great milkshakes.)

I don't often disagree with Sir Patrick ... but he's dead wrong on this one.

And if you doubt me?  Those of you reading this, probably knew me twenty years ago when I moved up here to KC.  I sold you on how great Jason's Deli was.  Was I right, or was I right?  I swore to you Shiner Bock original is the best beer you'll ever have.  Was I right, or was I at least in the ballpark of right?  I swore to you Waffle House was the best place for a 3am recovery after a night at the bar.  Was I right, or was I right?

Those three staples of Texas living have made their way to KC in the 20 years since I moved back here.  I don't hear nobody complaining about them.  And with good reason -- they're all good to great.

Whataburger?  Not my cup of tea, or type of burger.

(Ditto Braum's.  I know Dairy Queen, Braum's.  You are no Dairy Queen.)

But hey.  If Whataburger wants to buy up the abandoned Church's Chicken in the Price Chopper parking lot there at 85th and Wornall?

I'd welcome them to the neighborhood.

(But you'd still go across the street to Walsh's for your burger, right?)

Hell yes I would.

--------------------

As for Monday night, I guess I'm in a small minority, in that I don't think this is going to be a replay of the Patriots Sunday nighter a month ago, where nobody could stop anybody and the last team with the ball was guaranteed to win.

I think this is gonna play out a little closer to another prime time matchup the Chiefs have already played, the game at those people.  The defenses will have a say in the outcome.

And I think the better defense, holds in the red zone, for the win as the clock runs out.

* Chiefs (+2 1/2) 31, at Rams 24.

Enjoy this one, Chiefs fans.  God knows I'm going to.

And in case I don't post again before Thursday (a highly likely outcome), Happy Turkey Day to you and yours.  I hope your holiday will be as enjoyable as mine is shaping up to be.  The "Family" Thanksgiving on Wednesday?  Check.  The family Thanksgiving on Thursday?  Check.  Bob Seger's final performance in Kansas City on Saturday?  Check.

With Friday and Sunday to sort themselves out.

(Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Of course I'm eating all the pumpkin pie!  You'd be surprised how well that goes down with a straight scotch!  #thingsyoulearnfromyourdad

do you realize what today means, chiefs fans ...

"I've been reading books of old;
The legends and the myths.
Achilles and his gold;
Hercules and his gifts.

Spiderman's control,
And Batman with his fists --
And I clearly don't see
Myself upon that list.

But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody,
With super human gifts.

Some superhero?
Some fairy tale bliss?
Just somebody I can turn to;
Somebody I can kiss.

I want something?
Just like this!

I want something?
Just like this! ..."

-- "Something Just Like This" by the Chainsmokers.

--------------------

Wherever he may be nowadays, I believe Tony Dumas needs to update the flight plans, sir * .

I noted to Tyler leaving Arrowhead on Sunday that I was 80% sure the Chiefs / Bengals game next week would get flexed to a later starting time.  I just thought that time would be 3:25pm.  I didn't dream the NFL would give us free prime time football at Arrowhead just for the hell of it.

Bengals!  Chiefs!  Prime!  Time!

And thus, the march through the most crucial three weeks of the (regular) season?

Just got that much more damned enjoyable.

And potentially memorable.

--------------------

(*: you had to live in the Metroplex, and/or be a Dallas Mavericks fan, from 1994ish to 2000ish, to get that joke.  I qualify for both "designations".)

--------------------

First, a brief interlude, before getting to the point(s) of the post, and there are two of them -- one of them kinda obvious, one of them not so much.

This is "Fat" Andy Reid's sixth season.  As best I can tell, the Chiefs have been flexed INTO a better time slot, five times prior under "Fat" Andy:

* Week Seven 2013: Texans game moved from noon to 3:25 national game.  (I should note, I still haven't seen the Chiefense ever look better, than those last fifteen minutes of that contest.  I turn 42 in less than 90 days.  I feel like you should know that.)

* Week Eleven 2013: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night.  (It did inspire what is still to this moment, my favorite post I've ever, uuh, posted.)

* Week Seventeen 2015: raiders game moved from noon to 3:25pm national game.  (Game meant nothing to both teams ultimately due to those people win at same time.)

* Week Twelve 2016: those people game moved from 3:25pm to Sunday Night.  (The Doink Heard Round the World Game.)

* AFC Divisional Round 2016: Steelers game moved from noon to Sunday Night due to weather.  (For what it's worth, I believe this loss, is the number one reason the Chiefs traded up to get Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".  They knew they would never get farther than the Divisional Round, with "Sir" Alex Smith.)

And now, we have a sixth: Week Seven 2017, Bengals game moved from noon to Sunday Night.

For what it's also worth, I cannot find a single time the Chiefs have been demoted from prime time, to a regular afternoon slot, in the "Fat" Andy Reid era.

Gaining an extra national TV game every season, solely because our coach is so damned good, 9-7 is the f*cking floor for this franchise?  Sign me up!

--------------------

So here's the two points.

1. If you people thought the roar when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" was introduced two weeks ago was awe-inspiring (and trust me -- I cried for seven straight minutes simply hearing "and at quarterback" over the PA system), if you thought that could move your emotions to the point of tears?

Imagine hearing "and at safety, from Tennessee!" a week from Sunday night during player intros.  I mean, Jesus, talk about a moment.  If Eric Berry chooses that spot to return (and for what it's worth, it seems as good a time as any), can you imagine the roar?  Can you just close your eyes and imagine it?  Because I can.  And I want to see it.

But more to the point ...

2. Do you realize just how monumental today is?  It's OK if it slid by you.  It took me a solid four seconds to realize it when I got the text from multiple people that we'd been flexed to Sunday night.

As my buddy and (once again ... I think this is the fourth time now?) co-worker Pickell would put it: "put it this way".

Put it this way -- in the five previous flex games?  Three have involved satan manning, and a fourth involved the Ice Storm of the Decade.  (The other one?  Not sure what the NFL was thinking, flexing a 2-4 Texans at 6-0 Chiefs game back to 3:30 ... but we'll take it.)

This game was flexed today solely and only because the Chiefs are involved.

Specifically, this game was flexed today solely and only because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is involved.

Folks?  The NFL kicked OUT the LA and San Francisco market from prime time, to give you ... the Cincinnati and Kansas City markets.

Because Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".

Let that sink in: the NFL threw out a guaranteed ratings winner in LA and the Bay Area (two of the top five television markets) for KC (around twentieth) and Cincinnati (ditto).

They threw out a guaranteed 12 rating / 20 share ... to gamble on Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" drawing the nation in and improve on the 12 / 20 floor.

(Note: my college roommate was a RTVF major.  I had to listen to Nielsen explanations more than I care to remember.  I do remember, though, that a 12 / 20 is damned good ... and the NFL and The Big Bang Theory are about the only two franchises left, that can deliver that rating, on a weekly basis.)

Today, Chiefs fans?

The NFL rolled the dice on the Chiefs being a national draw simply because they're the Chiefs ... led by Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".

This?  We ain't seen before.

The NFL kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.

NBC kicked LA and the Bay Area to the curb, for us.

How f*cking awesome is that?

chiefs! those people! where "lefties" finally give those people what they earned ...

"A pebble in the water? 
Makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world? 
Will bear a consequence.

If you wait around forever? 
You will surely drown.

I see what's going down ...

I see the way you go,
And say you're right again --
Say you're right again?!?!?!
Heed my lecture!!!!!

Do you feel like a man?
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now?
As she falls to the ground?

Well I tell you, my friend?
One day?  This world's gonna end!
As your lies crumble down?
A new life?  She has found!

Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
(We) said -- we've finally hurt enough!

Face down in the dirt?
(You) said it doesn't hurt?
'Cause (we) said?
(We've) FINALLY hurt enough!!!! ..."

-- "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

--------------------

He laughed.

That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.

"Fat" Andy laughed.

No, really.  One more time, for emphasis.

"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.

As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.

Because I knew -- as did every person inside the absolute bat sh*t crazy nuthouse that fake mile high was Monday night -- I knew?  Just as "Fat" Andy no doubt figured out?

The Chiefs?  Our beloved Red and Gold?

Well, you'll have to keep reading.

--------------------

The roadie started about 6am Sunday morning, when I got picked up by the other three driving out for this roadie: "The Kids" of our tailgating group.

The trip out was relatively uneventful.  Jaimmie and Anthony took turns driving.  I took a nap, then started in on Jeff Pearlman's fantastic new book "Football For a Buck", a fond look back at the wackiness that was the USFL (and the utter bullsh*t lie Donald J. Trump "House of Wings" is was ... but let's move on; I'm trying to keep this sh*t as politics free as possible).

It spit rain for about half the trip, from somewhere west of Salina until just before we hit the eastern suburbs of denver.  Which honestly, was fine.  Because somehow, it improved my cell phone reception, and allowed us to have the Red Zone channel pulled up on my phone, while flipping between the games the CBS and NBC National feeds were providing over DirecTV Now. 

I gotta admit, taking a road trip today?  Is a helluva lot better than it was, ten years ago.

--------------------

We got into denver a solid hour, seventy minutes before we could check in ... and apparently this was by design.  Because as we got off I-70 in one of the sketchiest, shakiest parts of a city I've ever stepped foot in * , there it was, in all its' beautiful glory.

The Green Solution.

Sadly, they did not allow pictures to be taken inside, but I did snap one of the outside:

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

This place ... sh*t, 41 year old me was literally drooling.  I can only imagine what 31 year old me would have done, at realizing obtaining an herbal product I enjoy is as easy to obtain as (a) show ID, (b) tell your herbalist what you want, and (c) fork over the cash.

Which, I suppose, the only difference between a legal transaction and the way I've bought product the last twenty some odd years is (a) ... and the cops.  But still. 

There were at least three things on this trip I never imagined I'd live to see in my lifetime.  A legalized marijuana dispensary is one of them.

The second one happened, about an hour later.

The third?

Closes this post down.

--------------------

(*: this presumes there is a section of denver that is not sketchy, sleazy, and/or overrun with crime, vermin, and homeless drug addicts who just sh*t and whiz in the streets, San Francisco style.  I have yet to encounter, that section of denver.  Also, I irrationally hate everything about that place, most especially its' football team, so I'm probably never going to run that place's Chamber of Commerce.)

--------------------

Next step was to check into the hotel, try to catch the late game, and grab some food.  (We hadn't really had anything all day, save for coffee and water.)  I also had another mission: it was pushing 4pm Kansas City time on a Sunday, and I had yet to have a drop of alcohol.  I swear, my left hand was shaking from withdrawal ** .

So, after dumping my bag in my room, I headed down to the lobby to hit up the bar ... only it wasn't open yet.  (It didn't open until 4pm denver time).  So I made (dave matthews voice) the best of what's around, and headed into the little convenience store there in the lobby of the lovely Clarion Denver Central *** .  And lo and behold, they had beer!

Sadly, they only had one kind:

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

To answer the Captain Oats in the room ... of course I drank them.

I also puked less than five minutes later.  And I mean puked.  There was stuff coming up that I ate on Tuesday, those two beers with the logo of those people so thoroughly disgusted my body upon entering it.

Once again, I am the one person in this life, who does not believe in coincidence.

--------------------
 
(**: usually I'm pushing a .12 by lunch on a typical Sunday.)

(***: this was one neat hotel.  In a "holy hell, places like this exist?!?!?!" neat kind of way.)

--------------------

A little after four, we met up in the bar to enjoy some libations and the 49ers / Chargers game.  Our bartender was ... well, he was interesting.  For starters, he was hitting on me from the moment I walked in, right up to the always classy "can I get you another cock ... (long pause) ... tail?" line every time he hit up our table. 

Honestly, I could care less when someone hits on me, irregardless of who they are.  I take it as a compliment, to be frank.  But this guy just would not stop.  I finally reached my breaking point, tabbed out, and headed upstairs for the night to watch the rest of the Steelers game, and try to get some sleep.

After all, Monday was the whole reason for the trip in the first place.

--------------------

Monday I was wide awake by 6:30am.  I headed down to get breakfast, and read through the columns I normally do on a Monday morning.

The rest of our group stumbled into the breakfast area over the next hour, and around 9am we set out to get stuff for the tailgate.

(And make another trip to The Green Solution.  Priorities.)

After getting back to the hotel about 10:30, we decided to just relax for a couple hours before setting out for fake mile high.  I took a 90 minute nap; I can't report on what anyone else did.  My nap probably would have gone on for another hour were it not for my phone going off with a text from my boss, asking if I could pick up some Bud Light for her and her group that were going to be meeting up with us to tailgate.

So, after hitting up the gas station for some of that god-awful alcoholic beverage, it was off for fake mile high, at about 1pm.

So let me give you Chiefs fans who b*tch about parking at Arrowhead **** a little hint.

If you think Arrowhead is unbearable to park in?

Try fake mile high.

For starters, you only get (at most) three hours to tailgate.  The gates allegedly open at 1:45 for a prime time game.  They didn't open in Lot M until 2ish.  Also, come about three hours later, the lovely parking nazis come around and force you to begin shutting down your tailgate.  Not the Chiefs new policy of "suggesting" you get out by halftime ... you'd better be packed and gone an hour before kickoff.  Thirdly, if you think Chiefs parking prices are high?  I paid $67 for our vehicle to park ... and underpaid, based on face value of the pass.  (Which was $100.)

We pay $35 for 4-5 hours for noon games, 5-6 hours for prime time games, and have no hassles whatsoever if we arrive within an hour of the gates opening.  (Which my group always does.)

We paid $67 for 3 hours on Monday night ... and I don't even want to think of what a nightmare it would have been, had the Rockies hosted the NL West Championship Game, instead of LA.

Anyway, we finally got in and started unloading ... and wouldn't you know it?  Who appears next to us in my dream car ***** ?  Some folks who sit in front of "The Kids" ... and routinely tailgate across the aisle from us in Lot G.  #itsasmallworldafterall

After pleasantries all around, and noting they had the bigger grill, the sensible one amongst us (and note: that ain't me), decided we should just merge tailgates and enjoy the day.  Which is exactly what we did.

--------------------

(****: I have one more meeting as a member of the Chiefs Fan Focus group, in December.  Lay your b*tches upon me, and I will deliver them to the height of the mountain.)

(*****: I think, if I hold out two months and bank that paycheck on the 15th a couple more times, I can justify the expense via writing the largest check of my life as the down payment to get the monthly payment below my rent check ... but yeah, there she is.)

--------------------

About 3pm my boss, her husband, and a few of their friends arrived.  I thank God somebody gave me advance warning ... because let's just say, there may or may not have been a pre-rolled being consumed by me at that point.  Thankfully, she either (a) enjoys what I do or (b) like me, doesn't give a rip what you do, it was all good, but still.

After consuming a couple really good burgers off Warren's grill, polishing off two bottles of Cook's, and pouring some Windsor into my plastic flask (in addition to the pint of Fireball I packed), I figured it was off for fake mile high.

But first, my boss demanded the four of us "Kids" take a pic, to have a memory of the day.

Who am I to say no?

(image credit: my boss, via my iPhone 8 something.)

--------------------

Of course, on the walk in, you have to swing through those people's ring of fame.  And honestly, they do theirs better than we do ours, in that (a) a non-ticket holder can access it, and (b) actual statues!  (Note: the Chiefs have statues too ... just not as well done as those people's are.)

So of course, I had to attempt to defile my two most hated those people, by raising a Chiefs hat over them.

First up?  From (Louisville), tom jackson:

(wow, I look so, so sober.  And not medicinally high.  Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)

And of course, from (Stanford), beelzebub / apollyon / the antichrist himself:

(there are no words to describe my hatred of this demon.  Image credit: (I think) Anthony, via my iPhone 8 something.)

--------------------

Once picture time was up, it was head for the gates.  And, well ... this happened.

(stevo) (being wanded after passing through a metal detector that he set off)
(security) sir?  What is in there?  (points to my right bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (sighing in disgust).
(stevo) (hands over fireball pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) yes.
(security) (wands me again)
(security) sir?  What is in there?  (points to my left bottom pocket.)
(stevo) (really sighing in disgust)
(stevo) (hands over windsor pint).
(security) is that all?
(stevo) (sighing in disgust) yes.
(security) then enjoy the game.
(stevo) well I'd enjoy it better if you employed the p*ss poor gate security Arrowhead does!

It's one thing to lose one of your "flasks".  It's another thing to lose both.

It's really something ... when you've never, in 41 years, 8 months, and 29 days of existence on this planet, NEVER been busted smuggling booze into anyplace, before.

F*ck you, fake mile high.

--------------------

Although, to be fair, I was the moron who left change in both of those pockets, which is what set off the metal detector wand thingy.  (Note to self: charge everything on every future road trip.  No cash again ever.)

Once through security, I headed for my seat, and found myself in a really cool little bar area those people had set up in Section 120.  It had every artisan brew you could want.

Me?  I just wanted the one beer I figured there would be zero, zip, nada issue in purchasing at fake mile high.  I mean, for Christ's sake, they brew it an hour down the freeway!

That foamy sloppy domestic hot mess known as ... Coors Light.

They had nothing.

No Coors Light to be found.

Semi-disgusted, I settled for a Blue Moon, and headed for my seat.

-------------------

And here is the view, from said seat, when I arrived:

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

I sat in 117, 37, 7 ... which is pretty comparable to my seat at Arrowhead (132, 26, 14).  I bought my ticket off a those people season ticket member named Elliot (sp?), who will be meeting up and tailgating with us in three weeks ... so please, since I will be late to that game ****** , please?

Be as nice to him and his guest, as he and his brother Eric were to me.

Because I've rarely if ever sat by nicer fans on the road, than these two.

(Sadly, I did not snap a pic of them.)

--------------------

(******: my flight from San Antonio to KC (via Dallas) leaves at 5:07am on that Sunday morning.  I swear to Christ, if we get flexed back to 3:25, I'm gonna be livid.  Because there were direct flights leaving San Antonio at 9am, that land at KCI at 10:40ish.  I chose the one that landed first at KCI on that Sunday, at 8:37am.  (It'll be closer to 8:15, wind allowing -- it never takes 97 f*cking minutes to fly from KC to Dallas.  Sh*t, even when I made that flight routinely in college twenty years ago, it rarely clocked in at over 65 minutes.)

--------------------

I'll leave the game recaps to people far, far more qualified than me, to, uuh, recap them.

But there is one moment I want to recap.

And it's the moment that opened this post.

--------------------

By now, we all know the play.

The one time in the last twenty some odd painful months (as a Democrat) ... that lefties ruled the land.

I'm talking about 3rd and 6, barely 3 to play, Chiefs down three, near midfield.

The moment that, as Rany so perfectly put it, The Messiah arrived:



--------------------

Go ahead, watch it again.  Watch it ten times.  Watch it a hundred.  God knows I have.

Because it's what you don't get to see on the television view -- what you had to be there, and specifically focused in on the Chiefs sideline (where that play unfolded) to witness?

That made this entire road trip for me.

--------------------

To repeat the top of the post:

He laughed.

That is what I will always -- and I mean always -- remember about arguably the most satisfying Chiefs road trip of my life.

"Fat" Andy laughed.

No, really.  One more time, for emphasis.

"Fat" Andy turned around ... and laughed.

As did this insanely hot as hell 41 year old dude, sitting in Section 117, Row 37, Seat 7, upon realizing what he was doing ... and why he was doing it.

--------------------

"Fat" Andy turned around after that left handed toss for a first down, and was literally doubled over laughing.

I know why he did it.  Hell, it's why I did it.

It's the moment he -- and hopefully every one of you reading this that is a Chiefs fan -- realized the theme to the post.

"We've FINALLY had enough!"

From that moment on -- and I am fully aware that involved converting a 2nd and 30 into a touchdown 4 plays later -- there was no doubt who was going to win.

There was no doubt anymore where the balance of power in the AFC West has shifted, for at least a decade to come.

Because if that play works?

What, pray tell, can those people possibly come up with, to stop the Chiefs?

If the Chiefs at their "holy f*cking sh*t, what's happening here?!?!?!" most confused, befuddled, no clue what to do worst, is STILL better than your absolute best?  (And I would argue von miller blowing up the pocket in literally one step, then ankle tackling your quarterback eight steps later as he tries to left arm the ball and save the drive, is about as good as it gets for those people)?

If your absolute best cannot top our absolute worst?

Then you're in worse shape than the Army of Northern Virginia on the morning of Monday, April 3, 1865.

And there ain't no President Lincoln about to step in, and give you a generous bailout, for your crimes against humanity, "those people".

--------------------

After the game, we headed back to the car, did some more tailgating, and then headed back to our hotel.

The bar was completely filled up with Chiefs fans.

The bar was supposed to close at midnight (those people time).

It was still going strong when I went to bed a little after 2am (those people time).

Somehow?

I have yet to be charged for a single thing I drank that night.

It's like the Daily Double West.

You gotta love it.

--------------------

The ride back Tuesday was pretty uneventful.  Anthony and I watched the replay of the game on my phone in the back seat for about a third of the trip.  I finished the USFL book, as well as Clay Travis' book (which, in the interest of full disclosure, other than "being successful", he and I are exactly alike, save for our position on abortion.  What we most agree on, is get politics out of sports ASAFP.)  I even got caught up on "The Resident" (Jesus, Dr. Bell is so awesomely sleazy, Dr. Michael Mancini is jealous) and "Young Sheldon" (other than "You're The Worst", the funniest show on TV right now).

The highlight was probably on the way out of denver -- in search of a Starbucks, we wound up on some street in yet another seedy, sleazy, slimy, creepy part of town.

And there, on the right, there it was.

The Blue Moon Brewery.

We literally stayed within two miles of Blue Moon's headquarters, and didn't know it.

Who says weed doesn't kill brain cells?

--------------------

We got back to my place a little before 8pm on Tuesday.  I called my folks to let them know I made it home safe.  Called the Second Parents as well, since they apparently got me something from the Kingdom Show on Tuesday at the HyVee on Noland Road.  (Note: given it was Mitch Holtgus' 400th game as Chiefs broadcaster, I'm guessing it's something signed by him.  I'll find out Saturday.)

And the only other thing I did before crashing in bed -- save for pouring a solid Weller and Diet ... ok, fine, two of them -- was fire up the broadcast of the game, to see if "Fat" Andy Reid doubled over, laughing at those people's defensive effort against the left handed pass, was something you had to be there to witness ... or something given away for free.

You had to be there, to witness it.

That's why I love this sport, and I love this team, and I love this coach, and I'm about ready to fall down prostrate and worship this quarterback.

Because every week, they're giving us something we ain't never had before, as Chiefs fans.

And that is something?

I am perfectly cool with.

--------------------

I choose to close with this.

Elliot and Eric, the those people stm's I bought my ticket off of, Elliot turned to me after the final replay confirmed an incomplete pass, leading to the final kneel down, and simply said this:

"Godd*mmit, we're your b*tch for the next fifteen years."

Considering we've been yours for the last thirty?

"Well I tell you my friend?
Someday, your world's gonna end.
And as your lies crumble down?
A new life?  We have found!"

Because this?  Anyone reading this?

This is a site, I never imagined I'd ever witness in person:

(image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

--------------------

Until next time -- (stg. esterhaus voice) Hey!

Let's be careful out there ...