That if you really believe?
That's that what you need,
To solve all the mysteries.
Yeah, I know someone,
Who just heads for the sun.
She says "I don't wanna be right;
I just want to stay young!"
So close!
Yet so far away.
So close!
Yet so far away.
We believe in tomorrow,
But we're stuck in today.
Baby? We're so close -- so close!
Yet so far away ..."
-- "So Close" by Hall and Oates. And yes, I still refuse to
--------------------
The Non-Chiefs Divisional Round Picks.
* at Rams (-7) 45, Cowboys 24. What did anyone see last Saturday night that has led every man and his drunk uncle (or "drunkle", as the t-shirt I got for Christmas anoints me as * ) to bet on Dallas? The Cowboys played a perfect game against a Seahawks team that was fatally flawed eight ways from Sunday ... and they still needed a 3rd and 14 conversion to hold on for a two point win. Does that sound like a team that's gonna roll into Los Angeles, against a Son O' Bum defense that has prepped for it for two weeks, and cover? Let alone win? In the words of the late, (not really so) great Nell Carter: "Gimme a Break!"
* at Patriots (-4) 31, "Super" Chargers 13. This one strikes me as a game close at the half (think 13-7 ish), that the Patriots blow wide, wide open in the third quarter.
* Eagles (+8) 31, at Saints 28. I don't have many rules in life, let alone rules I actually attempt to adhere to. But one rule I am fairly certain should be followed is this: when your quarterback's nickname is "Big Dick", because his manhood is extremely, uuh, manly, and he's the defending Super Bowl champion quarterback, and he hasn't lost a meaningful game in over two years? I'm taking the eight. And since I really think this Saints team is the 2003 Chiefs of this decade, I'm taking the Eagles to win outright.
(*: mine is red, but same style:
The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.
For once ... sh*t, for the first time ever, I come to praise "K"KK.
Me praising Ol' Klassy? I never thought this day would arrive.
See, Karvinal Kevin has been using his Twitter handle to shout out bars and watching parties outside of Kansas City, for Chiefs fans to meet up at, for Saturday's game. People using social media for an absolute good. Circle me stunned Bert. Circle me stunned.
And for the record, I wish I'd had this available to me when I was in college a couple decades ago. It took me a couple games to find the Chiefs bar up on Trinity Boulevard in north Arlington, and even then, it was nowhere near as good an "official" watching spot, as what we turned the Bennigan's on Bridge Street in, uuh, Bridgewood, into.
Anyways, good job, "supusetamente sin pantalones"! I'd say keep it up, but keeping said pantalones up (supusetamente) is one of many, many reasons I despise your self-righteous, hypocritical "hombre de familia" so f*cking much.
The Watching Party Plans.
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.
The Tailgating Plans.
The Bus leaves at 8am for Terrorhead. At last count there are 9 riders, including a few Dakota folks coming in for this game. As always, if you don't want to brave the snow tomorrow, and/or don't want to pay $60 to park, you're welcome to ride out with us.
The menu is burgers, brats, and dogs, plus brisket from Gates. We'll also have assorted side dishes, plus more alcohol than any reasonable persons could plow through in four hours.
Depending on how fast and how much it's falling, I am planning to head down once the gate attendants arrive, to dig out our usual spot, on the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign. We'll get the tents up and heaters going ASAFP once those gates open.
(And they won't open at 10:30. I'll be stunned if they make it to 10am before opening. They were wide open a little before 10am against the raiders.)
Hope to see you tomorrow. And if you're coming? Bring your A Plus Plus shouting voice. None of us should have a voice, come 8pm Saturday night.
Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.
You've probably noticed it's been almost two months since I last posted. A lot happens in two months. Some of it good (I bought a Jeep ** !), some of it surprisingly good (second promotion in four months!), some of it surprisingly bad (two great pairs of friends have decided to divorce, and a third pairing is apparently hanging by a "wait, I have to forgive you again?!?!?!" thread of inevitability), and some of it inevitable (I somehow lasted another year on this planet ... and yes, my liver has no idea how).
But truth be told, there's a very simple reason for the lack of posting: my laptop crapped out on me in early December. And being the cheap ass I am, I waited until my birthday last week to replace it.
Now that a functional laptop is available, I'll try to do better about posting.
But I wouldn't bet on it.
(**: admit it, you have no idea who looks better, me or the car.
Image Credit: someone at CarMax using my iPhone 8 something.)
The Chiefs Prognostication and Pontification.
(pastor stevo) (shuffling the sermon notes)
(the congregation) (growing restless)
(pastor stevo) (chugging a quick coors light)
Let's begin.
--------------------
We enter this confrontation knowing one thing up front, that is undeniable for any fan of a sports team anywhere: it hurts to be a fan.
And it doesn't matter who you root for. There is going to be hurt, frustration, pain, misery, and humiliation dumped on you, for your choice of fandom.
Even the Yankees fans have to own being up 3-0 in the series, up 4-3 in Game Four, in the bottom of the ninth inning, with the greatest closer of all time on the mound ... and somehow losing four straight from that point, in four days. That's about as painful of a 96 hours of sports imaginable -- nothing but abject disaster (Dave Roberts' steal), abject failure (the pitch to David Ortiz in the bottom of the 12th of Game Four ... and bottom of the 14th less than 24 hours later in Game Five), to abject misery (every swing and miss against "The Bloody Sock" in Game Six), to abject f*cking catastrophe (in the words of Ben Harper: "But Johnny Damon swung his bat / Grand Slam! That was that!").
Even the Yankees -- the most successful sports franchise since the lions of ancient Rome were devouring religious deviants 1800 years ago -- even the Yankees and their fans, know rock bottom humiliation.
As Chiefs fans, we like to think we own the market on sports misery, and in some regards, that's correct. Especially when it comes to the Indianapolis Colts. When you have four actual (and one de-facto) playoff defeats in 23 years against a team, with zero wins to offset those defeats, that's misery. We all know the dates -- 1995, 1996 (the de-facto loss, a "winner's in / loser's in deep sh*t" Week Sixteen defeat), 2003, 2006, 2013. Having been at the last three defeats (I missed the first two due to this pesky thing called "college"), I get it.
Like all of you, I've endured my share of heartbreak, misery, and sheer humiliation from the sports franchises I root for. Pick a Chiefs playoff defeat -- you've got fourteen actual ones * , and four de-facto ones ** -- to pick from in the last thirty years. Pick a Jayhawks tournament exit *** . Game Seven of the 2014 World Series. Phil Michelson at a US Open. Andy Roddick at a US Open. The 1998 and 2000 Dallas Stars. Tony Stewart at Indy.
Pain, hurt, suffering, misery, humiliation, heartbreak. It's in our DNA as a Chiefs fan. As a fan of sports.
But with that comes ...
--------------------
(*: ranked backwards by me, in order of hurt from "really didn't bother me" to "I locked myself in my bedroom for three straight days with nothing but handles of vodka" pain ... (14) 1991, at Bills Divisional Round; (13) 1994, at Dolphins Wild Card Round; (12) 2010, vs Ravens Wild Card Round; (11) 1992, at Chargers Wild Card Round; (10) 2006, at Colts Wild Card Round; (9) 2015, at Patriots Divisional Round; (8) 2017, vs Titans Wild Card Round; (7) 2003, vs Colts Divisional Round; (6) 1990, at Dolphins Wild Card Round; (5) 2016, vs Steelers Divisional Round; (4) 2013, at Colts Wild Card Round; (3) 1995, vs Colts Divisional Round; (2) 1993, at Bills AFC Championship; (1) 1997, vs those people Divisional Round.)
(**: I only counted de-facto playoff games the Chiefs lost (1996 vs Colts, 1999 vs raiders, 2011 vs raiders, 2014 at Steelers). There are others the Chiefs won (1994 at raiders, for example) that I didn't count since the playoff appearance trumped it in importance for the season.)
(***: my most painful one to witness in person is still the Elite Eight defeat to Georgia Tech in 2004. The most painful to watch on the couch was 1997 against Arizona, bar none.)
--------------------
... the reason why most of us, are a fan of who we are a, uuh, fan of.
And that's the euphoria, the sheer thrill and emotional high, of victory by our team.
I still to this day can flash back to that Wild Card game in Houston three years ago. Just close my eyes, think of that day, and the first thing that comes to mind is standing in a mob of Chiefs fans in the southeast corner of NRG Reliant, high fiving players and fellow fans, as Green Day's "Holiday" blared through the PA system. The chorus, shouting defiance at twenty two years of playoff defeats:
"I beg to dream and differ?
From your hollow lies!
This is the dawning
Of the rest of our lives!"
I can still hear those first notes belted out by the Pride of Kansas, the KU Band, with a little less than a minute left in the 2002 Elite Eight game against Oregon, that wiped away ten years of chokes, collapses, and abject embarrassing performances, and singing right along as they played:
"We're not gonna take it!
No! We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it!
Anymore!!!!!!"
I can remember sitting in the Southeast Paddock, on a miserably hot 95 plus degree Indianapolis afternoon in 2005, as Tony Stewart finally took the checkered flag. That was one fun post-party at Dave and Kathy's, let me tell you. Hell, Mr. Stewart himself was still kissing bricks and chugging beer long after the last fan had left the Speedway that day ... and as one of the last fans who left, I can tell you, it was after the sun went down.
And of course, what until now is still the most "holy hell, this is real, and it is spectacular!" sporting event I've ever attended -- a game so epic, so thoroughly unforgettable, that even God Himself cried over the ending.
Moments like those, games like those, races like those?
That's why we love sports so damned much.
(That ... and the tailgating, of course.)
--------------------
Saturday, at 3:35pm Arrowhead Time, the Chiefs will face off against the Colts, for the right to advance to a place the Chiefs have only been once in my lifetime: the AFC Championship Game.
And to quote Coach Norman Dale: "we're way past big speech time" now.
I can honestly admit, it's been a long, long time since I have been this nervous for a Chiefs game. As I noted to "The Voice of Reason" this morning, I've already dry heaved from stress, and as I type this sentence, we are still 29 hours and change away from kickoff. Puking 30 hours out. Even for me, that's frightening.
And part of those nerves, are because I honestly believe, this is the biggest Chiefs game of my life. I think this is the toughest test the 2018 Chiefs will face in the chase for permanent greatness known as being crowned the Super Bowl Champions. Because, to quote Van Jones from Election Night 2016: "this? Is where the pain comes. This is where the hurt comes from."
(Hang on, I need to bash my head a few times over the pain and hurt of November 8, 2016. I'll be back in (chuck woolery voice) two and two.)
Because here we are again.
The Divisional Round.
It's the Chiefs Achilles heel. It's their insurmountable obstacle.
It's their hill they die for, (cyndi lauper voice) "time after time".
1991. 1995. 1997. 2003. 2015. 2016.
Or, to quote the theme of the post:
So close!
Yet so far away ...
So close!
Yet so far away ...
I honestly believe if the Chiefs can overcome Saturday's opponent -- just survive and advance to the third weekend of the postseason for the first time since I was a junior in high school, and I turned 42 last week -- if the Chiefs win Saturday, I think they will accomplish the impossible dream, and win the Lombardi.
If they win Saturday? Let's just get this out of the way. I think if the Chiefs win tomorrow, that next Sunday will be, in the words of my dad, "an ass kicking of biblical proportions". Chargers, Patriots, it doesn't matter -- if the Chiefs are playing at 5:40pm Arrowhead Time next Sunday, they're not losing. They're going to demolish whoever is sent into that stadium, like a lion devouring a person of faith in ancient Rome.
And frankly, none of the NFC teams frighten me. The Saints are a paper tiger, and are going down this weekend to the Eagles. The Cowboys are too shaky to trust, and if you think "Fat" Andy has clock management and game call issues down the stretch of a game, then you haven't met Jason Garrett. The Rams are probably the best team in football, but they can't beat the Eagles, and most people don't think they'll survive Dallas to face Philly anyways. And the Eagles? That's probably the dream matchup ... but I guarantee you, "Fat" Andy, the teacher? With two weeks to prepare for his pupil?
Will school him like few teachers have ever schooled a pupil.
This is the biggie. This is the one that unlocks everything else.
And for the first time -- because we didn't have it in 1995, we didn't have it in 1997, we didn't have it in 2003, we didn't have it in 2015 or 2016 -- for the first time?
We have the key, to unlock the godd*mned gate, blocking this team from its' (mr. hoduski voice) "manifest destiny".
--------------------
This home season began with me (and many of you) crying tears of pure, unfiltered, euphoric joy the likes of which we have never shed before, at just hearing three words on the PA system a little after 11:50am Arrowhead Time, on Sunday, September 23, 2018:
"And at quarterback!"
Hell, I just teared up again thinking of those three words, three words we've waited a lifetime to hear -- "and at quarterback!"
And this home season is going to end with me (and many of you) crying tears of pure, unfiltered, euphoric joy the likes of which we have never shed before, a little after 9pm Arrowhead Time next Sunday, when Lamar's Trophy finally comes home.
I have a sneaking suspicion so many tears will be shed, that the Sports Complex will be renamed Lake Arrowhead next Monday, it'll be so flooded by the time we exit.
Saturday? The key to ending a lifetime of frustration, of failure, of disappointment, of anything approaching ultimate success, gets put into the lock.
And turned.
Chiefs fans?
#bedamnedloud
#breaKtheCycle
#headbandnation
#letsroll
* at Chiefs (-5) 45, Colts 27.
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