your 2013 national ... football league predictions

"Welcome back my friends,

To the show that never ends!

We're so glad you could attend --

Come inside, come inside!

There behind a glass?

Is a real blade of grass!

Be careful as you pass --

Move along, move along!

Come inside!  The show's about to start!

Guaranteed to blow your head apart!

Rest assured -- you'll get your money's worth!

(It's) the greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth!

You gotta see the show -- it's a dynamo!

You gotta see the show -- it's rock and roll!  Oh ..."

-- "Karn Evil 9" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. 

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Eight days!  Only eight days until our true national pastime returns!  Only eight days until all of America gets to laugh its collective ass off, at the Joe Flacco stadium-sized posters hanging outside fake mile high!!!  Only eight days until a rematch of one of the greatest playoff games I've ever had the privilege to watch, launches the start of a new NFL season.

And even better -- only eight days until you hear this beautiful, amazing, sexy as holy hell voice shout out "HIT IT!", and the loveliness that is Faith Hill struts out onto the stage, as Joan Jett and the Blackhawks music for "I Hate Myself for Loving You" starts up, and Ms. Hill tells us what we all are feeling, that we have been waiting all week day for Sunday night!  Football!  Woo!  I!  Am!  FIRED!  UP!!!!!

(Pause).

What?

(Pause).  No.  No.  No!  You're lying, Mr. Non-Existant Stevo's Site Numero Dos editor!  No!  There's no way Faith Hill got the boot!  Especially since seeing Faith Hill IN her "come (have your way with me)* me" boots, is the only reason to watch the damned theme song!  This ... my God.  This is a disaster.  This is an absolute national disaster.  Has anyone petitioned the White House yet to get Faith Hill her gig back?

Plus, what the hell becomes of the "Bowling Night in America" poem tradition now?  I've been cranking that bad boy out for five years every Wednesday during the season!  What becomes of that, if some low-budget, two-bit, fly-by-night no-talent hack replaces Ms. Hill?  I mean seriously -- at what point does the pure and utter undeserved bullsh*t I've had to put up with in that league the last fifteen months, actually end?  God bless it, even I have my breaking point!  And I think I've found it!  (stevo angrily tossing empty Coors Light can against the wall ... stevo angrily tossing empty Coors Light can against the wall ... yeah, I have nine more ready to chuck, but you get the point ...)

(Sighing ...) Alright, just hit me with it.  Who'd they get to replace her, Mr. Editor dude or dudette?  Miley Cyrus?  Linda Ronstadt?  What repulsive thing is going to butcher the Sunday Night theme this year?  (Pause).  Ooh.  Ooh!  Carrie Underwood?  Really?  Well that changes things.

Football is back folks!  And with the lovely Ms. Underwood at the mic, it's sexier than ever!!!  Woo!  Football!  WOO!!!!!

So let's do this.  It's time for the world's worst pigskin prognosticator** to once again step up under center, and give the gambling community what it so desperately craves -- what I think is going happen this season.  Just one of these years, I wish all the people I made rich, by telling them who I think will win (so that they can bet the family farm on them to lose), would at least send a $20 my way for my valuable services.

We'll start in the NFC, in that venerable division known as "The Norris" ...

(*: you all have NO idea how hard it was, to censor the obvious f-bomb, that deserved to be said there.  NO idea.  But I did promise my mommy to try to "class up the discourse", whatever the hell that means.  And since the fact I cannot avoid the denver broncos in this column means at least a few f-bombs in the AFC West portion alone, I have to cut back somewhere.)

(**: my Super Bowl pick in 2012?  San Diego versus Tampa Bay.  Neither team finished above .500, both fired their head coaches, and San Diego poop canned the GM to boot.  My Super Bowl pick in 2011?  Kansas City versus Green Bay.  I got one of them right, at least.  But Coach Hobo got fired the week the Chiefs were scheduled to face Green Bay, and both the man who hired him, and the man who replaced him, were gone thirteen months later.  My Super Bowl pick in 2010?  Dallas over Indianapolis.  The Cowboys missed the playoffs; the Colts wildcard round loss to the Jets, was the final game for peyton manning in a Colts uniform.  My Super Bowl pick in 2009?  Philadelphia over Baltimore.  Philly lost the NFC Title Game.  Baltimore lost in the divisional round.  And the first year I picked on this site, my 2008 prediction?  Jacksonville over Seattle.  Combined record of both teams that season?  9-23.  My God, I am AWFUL at predicting the National ... Football League.)

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NFC Norris:

1. The Schedule Run*.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

Honestly?  This didn't surprise me.  I think any of the four teams in this division can make a legitimate, credible claim to the championship of said division.  I think Detroit has the least legitimate, credible claim, and Green Bay the most legitimate, credible claim, but I could see any of these four teams, winning the NFC's worst division.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Packers at Bears, Week 17.  Both teams entered this game at 8-7, in full control of their own destiny. 

* Packers at Lions, Week 13.  This projected defeat to Detroit, cost Green Bay the last wildcard slot.

* Cowboys at Bears, Week 14.  Wound up jumpstarting the Bears run to a division title, by winning their last four.  Very similar to what the Redskins did in 2007, opening 5-7 before piggybacking a primetime home win in Week 14 (ironically, over the Bears), to a 4-0 finish and a wildcard berth.

5. The Division MVP.

Jay Cutler, QB, Bears.  I personally despise the guy -- not just for the obvious donkey connections, but good God dude, your wife is Brody Jenner's sloppy seconds, for crying out loud -- but if Cutler starts at least 13 games, the Bears are reaching the playoffs.  If he starts more than 13 games, I'll take them to win the division.  

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Marc Trestman, Bears.  Cannot put into words how much I loved this hire.  Quite honestly, I thought it was the best hire of the offseason.  The Bears went in a direction I wanted the Chiefs to go in -- hire a bright, capable offensive mind who isn't afraid to take chances, and isn't afraid to fail.  For what it's worth, I don't think Trestman will fail.  He NEVER has before.

7. The Mixology Choice** for Each Team.

* Bears: "Back In The High Life Again", originally by Steve Winwood, much better covered by the late, great Warren Zevon.

* Packers: "Beautiful Disaster" by 311.

* Vikings: "Daydream Believer" by Davy Jones.

* Lions: "Walk Away Renee" by The Left Banke.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

The prediction in this division I distrust the most ... is the Vikings in third.  If they can steal one of the division roadies to open the schedule (especially at Chicago week two), flip the Bears and Vikings in the standings.

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(*: all pics in this post courtesy me, via the Snag-It 10 Tool on my laptop.  I love Snag-It.)

(*: Mixology (n) -- (1) what "Big Brother 10" contestant Memphis did for a living (adj: mixologist).  (2) the art of creating libations that people not only like, they recommend.  (3) Stevo's name for the playlist he is responsible for creating, for tailgating at Chiefs games.

For the record, I'm pretty damned good at (2).  I've never had a complaint about (3), and it is my life's goal to appear on (1)'s claim to fame reality show.)

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NFC South:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

Played out exactly as I thought it would ... although I expected a more top-heavy record for the (Shane) Falco-ns, and a more loss-heavy record for the Carolina "Sex" Panthers.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Saints at Falcons, Week 12.  I gave Atlanta the nod due to (a) the short week (it's the Thursday nighter), (b) home field, and (c) neither team has travel issues to overcome for the short week (Falcons play at Tampa, at worst a 25 minute flight home; Saints play at home versus the 49ers).

* Saints at Panthers, Week 16.  The upset that swung the division to the Falcons, and threw the Saints into the cluster(muck) at 9-7 for the final wildcard slot.

* Seahawks at Falcons, Week 10.  A rematch of last year's classic divisional round playoff game ... and a potential preview of this year's (projected by me) epic wildcard round playoff game between these two dynamic, rising franchises that are named after "a certain species of the avian variety".  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  OF COURSE I used this to work in a gratuitous "The Bird Is The Word" Shecky Greene-esque one-liner!

5. The Division MVP.

Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons.  This guy reminds me so much of peyton manning in many regards, it's scary.

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Sean Payton, Saints.  For anyone who says coaching doesn't matter, I give you two 2012 franchise that prove that it does: your 2012 Chiefs ... and your 2012 Saints.

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* Falcons: "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers.

* Saints: "King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West.

* Bucs: "Mixed Emotions" by the Rolling Stones.

* Panthers: "Out of Touch (Out of Time)" by Hall and Oates.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

Ron Rivera is gonna be one helluva defensive coordinator, at this time next year.

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NFC East:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

Seems right.  Although I could see Dallas and Washington flipping -- the Redskins comfortably one clear of the field in the wildcard chase, and the Cowboys in the cluster(duck) at 9-7 to be the last team in.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Cowboys at Giants, Week 12.  Kicks off a murderers row finish for the Cowboys, that effectively murdered their chances to win the NFC East.

* Packers at Giants, Week 11.  Cost Green Bay the playoffs in this simulated season.

* Giants at Bears, Week 6.  The Bears taking care of business against the G-Men, and the Packers not doing so, gave Chicago the NFC Norris.

5. The Division MVP.

Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys.  Will single handedly save Jason Garrett's job.

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Mike Shanahan, Redskins.  Look it, I despise Shanarat ... but I have the Redskins at 9-7, in the cluster(buck) for the six seed.  The Redskins have to (a) visit Lambeau, fake mile high, the Metrodome, the Georgia Dome, AND all three divisional rivals (all tough tasks), plus host the 49ers, Chiefs, Bears, and the three divisional rivals (all tough tasks).  With a QB coming off major knee surgery.  If Shanarat gets the Redskins into the conversation for getting rolled at Atlanta or Chicago to open the postseason?  It'd be his greatest coaching accomplishment to date.

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* Giants: "Remember the Name" by Fort Minor.

* Cowboys: "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.

* Redskins: "Futures" by Jimmy Eat World.

* Eagles: "Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

Tom Coughlin is, in my mind, THE most underrated head coach of all time.  He made Boston College football relevant again, to the point that the ACC recruited them.  He took the Jaguars from expansion franchise, to reaching the AFC Title Game in Year Two, to hosting the AFC Title Game in Year Four.  And he's won two of the last five Lombardi's, for the franchise Mr. Lombardi got his start with.  

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NFC West:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

Surprised at how easily the 49ers won this division.  This is mainly due to two things: (1) the Seahawks schedule.  There was never a "cream puff portion" to the schedule, and the 'Hawks never won more than two games in a row, versus (2) the 49ers schedule, which starting after a week five prime time home game against Houston (that they'll be favored in), they go vs Arizona / at Tennessee / at Jacksonville / bye / vs Carolina.  I have them winning all five, and all but cementing the division by mid November.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Falcons at 49ers, Week 16.  The winner of this game, got the two seed and the bye; the loser had to play the opening weekend against a very, very frisky six seed (stay tuned ...)

* Rams at Seahawks, Week 17.  Wound up determining the six seed, based on tiebreakers.  Both teams had a chance, with a win, to grab the final slot in the playoffs.

* Rams at Cardinals, Week 14.  The projected upset kept St. Louis out of the cluster(suck) at 9-7 for the six seed, and a trip to Atlanta.

5. The Division MVP.

Colin Kaepernick, QB, 49ers.  Three franchises fates this season ride on the Kapernick gamble: the 49ers (who I don't care about); the Chiefs (who I flush thousands of dollars a season down the drain, in support of) ... and team tito version 1.0 (he is my main fantasy league team's starting quarterback ... and there ain't no depth to speak of, behind him on the roster).

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Jim Harbaugh, 49ers.  Three seasons, three division titles ... three NFC Title Game appearances?

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* 49ers: "Go All The Way" by the Raspberries.

* Seahawks: "Second Place Victory" by This Day and Age.

* Rams: "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons.

* Cardinals: "Look Away" by Chicago.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

Three years ago, 6-9 Seattle hosted 7-8 St. Louis in the season finale, to determine the "winner" of the worst division in NFL history.  Three years later, this is the division most likely to have four .500 or better teams in it.  It's amazing what poop canning coaches like Mike Singletary, Jim Mora Jr. (who, in fairness, isn't a bad coach ... he just isn't his replacement), Steve Spagnoula, and Ken Whizenhunt, and importing rock solid coaches like Jim Harbaugh, Pete Carroll (who isn't as "rock solid" as you'd think), Bruce Arians, and Jeff Fisher, will do for a division's stature.

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The NFC Overall (Playoff Seed Where Applicable):

16-0: none.
15-1: none.
14-2: none.
13-3: New York Giants (1).
12-4: San Francisco 49ers (2).
11-5: none.
10-6: Atlanta Falcons (3), Dallas Cowboys (5).
9-7: Chicago Bears (4), Seattle Seahawks (6), New Orleans Saints, Washington Redskins.
8-8: Green Bay Packers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, St. Louis Rams.
7-9: Minnesota Vikings, Carolina Panthers.
6-10: Arizona "Super" Cardinals.
5-11: Detroit Lions.
4-12: Philadelphia Eagles.
3-13: none.
2-14: none.
1-15: none.
0-16: none.

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AFC North:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

This is one tough mudder of a division.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Bengals at Bears, Week 1.  Wound up being the game that gave Cincinnati a game cushion over Baltimore and Pittsburgh.

* Bengals vs Steelers, Week 2; Bengals at Steelers, Week 15.  Not just two humongous divisional and conference games ... when was the last time BOTH matchups between two divisional rivals, were scheduled in prime time BEFORE flex scheduling applies?  I can think of a few times since flex scheduling was implemented in 2006 that it's happened (denver / San Diego in 2006, for example; Cowboys / Giants in 2011), but that required a late flex in, to make it occur.  The Powers That Be are so sold on these two squads ... that they're locked into prime time against each other for both meetings, in April.  

And you know what?  It's the absolute right call.

* Ravens at broncos, Week 1.  Also a game the Ravens could point to, as a defeat that dropped them into Wild Card Weekend, rather than getting a bye into the Divisional Round.

5. The Division MVP.

Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Steelers.  The Steelers have no business being at 11-5, and safely in the playoff field.  Other than the fact that Ben Roethlisberger is going to single-handedly get them there.

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

John Harbaugh, Ravens.  Similarly, given the roster attrition, you can argue the Ravens have no business being at 11-5, and safely in the playoff field.  Other than the fact that John Harbaugh is going to single-handedly get them there.

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* Bengals: "Dancing On The Ceiling" by Lionel Richie. 

* Ravens: "Second Time Around" by Shalamar.

* Steelers: "He Got Game" by Public Enemy.

* Browns: "Time To Pretend" by MGMT.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

As always: God Hates Cleveland.

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AFC South:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

Without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- the National ... Football League's worst division.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Patriots at Texans, Week 13.  Determined who got the bye to the divisional round, and who is forced to face one of the powerhouse AFC North wildcard teams.

* broncos at Texans, Week 16.  The Texans projected win here created a complete free-for-all week seventeen for the AFC West championship, that left a three way, confusing as hell to break tiebreaker that comes down to strength of victory.

* Texans at Chiefs, Week 7.  Let's just say, when running the AFC West schedules, THIS is the game, I kept attempting to find a way, to talk myself into the upset.  In the end, for this exercise in fantasy?  I couldn't do it.  

5. The Division MVP.

Arian Foster, RB, Texans.  Our first non-quarterback winner!  And probably, our only non-quarterback winner.

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Chuck Pagano, Colts.  I know Houston is going to run away with this division, and all but clinch it by Halloween ... but come on.  I wouldn't trust Gary Kubiak to walk the dog out to do it's business, let alone run a professional football franchise.  

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* Texans: "Sooner or Later" by the Grass Roots.

* Colts: "Desperado" by the Eagles.

* Titans: "Wrong Again" by Martina McBride.

* Jaguars: "The Young and the Hopeless" by Good Charlotte.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

If the Texans and Bengals meet for a third postseason meeting in as many seasons ... the winner of the previous two, is not winning a third.

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AFC East:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

I was overly generous, to give the Jets three wins.  Oy.  This season might make the utter rank sewage that was 2005, look bearable, by the time it's over.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Patriots at Bengals, Week 5.  The projected Bengals win here, and Patriots loss, determined home field advantage, and the first round bye, in the AFC, and subjected the loser to wildcard weekend.

* Patriots at Texans, Week 13.  Same situation as the Bengals game in week five, for New England.

* broncos at Patriots, Week 12.  This prime time potential classic is sandwiched for denver with two games against the Chiefs, that could determine the division.  For New England, the projected here win gave them the three seed, instead of the four.

4a. The WORST Game of the Year, On Paper, Entering the Season.

* Jets at Falcons, Week 5.  Not only is this matchup destined to be an ass whipping of Biblical proportions ... this, ladies and gentlemen?  Dudes and dudettes?  Peoples and peepettes?  IS A PRIME TIME CONTEST!

What jackwagon at League headquarters looked at the Jets and Falcons, and thought "yup, prime time game!"  And it's NOT a Thursday nighter!  Oh no!  It's a Monday nighter!  If you know me at all, you know I oppose abortion in any case ... but if Planned Parenthood wanted to sponsor this game, and shove a shop vac up the official schedule to "make the problem disappear"?  I'd shell out the $600 to make it happen.

And what's even more unbelievable, is that in my life, I'd argue the worst year as a Jets fan, was 2005.  (Yes, 1996 was horrible -- but everyone knew (a) Rich Kotite sucked, (b) Neil O'Donnell sucked, and (c) Bill Parcells was on the way.  2005?  The Jets were coming off their third playoff berth in four years, and had lost in overtime in the divisional round to Pittsburgh.  They were expected to be good.  They went 4-12).

Care to guess what a Monday nighter in mid-October of that year, as the season had long since spiraled out of control was?  Oh yeah.  Jets at Falcons.

It's (checking the clock) 8:44am on a Thursday, and I need a stiff drink just thinking about a game, seven weeks away.

Jets!  Falcons!  Prime Time!  If Jon Gruden returns to the sidelines next year, I guarantee you, he'll mention having to work "games" such as Jets at Falcons, as a major factor in his decision.

5. The Division MVP.

Tom Brady, QB, Patriots.  Who else are you going to choose?

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Bill Belichick, Patriots.  Who else are you going to choose?

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* Patriots: "Drunk On You" by Luke Bryan.

* Bills: "Face Down" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

* Dolphins: "Fantasy" by Earth, Wind, and Fire.

* Jets: "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

The NFL record for most points scored in a game, is 73.  That record is in serious jeopardy week two (Jets at Patriots) and week five (Jets at Falcons).  Serious, serious jeopardy.

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AFC West:

1. The Schedule Run.

2. The Final Standings.

3. The Initial Reaction.

If how I project this division will be decided, is how this division is actually decided?  How to put this delicately ... the biggest bender I've ever gone on, was after the Chiefs lost to denver in week seven, 2002.  (We blew a fourteen point lead with three minutes to play, lost in overtime on a blocked punt, and the loss cost us a playoff berth.)  I literally did nothing but drink for three straight days, other than "call in sick" to work each morning.  

If how I project this division will be decided, is how this division is actually decided?  

You won't see me for a month.

4. The Three Biggest Games.

* Chiefs at Chargers, Week 17.  I project the Chiefs to control their own destiny entering week seventeen, despite losing at Buffalo, despite losing both "winnable upset" home games against Houston and the Giants.  And sadly, I project the Chiefs will fail to control that destiny.

* broncos at raiders, Week 17.  As always, this is the one day a year I root for a terrorist attack to strike American soil, but only in the very specifically defined confines of ... whatever the hell they call the artist formerly known as the Oakland Alameda County Stadium these days.

* Chiefs at Bills, Week 9.  The projected upset at The Ralph, aka "The Chiefs House of Horrors" (we haven't won there since 1986, for those scoring at home), cost the Chiefs the division.  If they could have taken care of business?  The Colts home win week sixteen, would have clinched the division, and made the final week matter only for seeding purposes.

5. The Division MVP.

peyton manning, QB, broncos.  If manning is upright and ambulatory for twelve games or more, it's highly likely denver is reaching the postseason for a third straight season.  If he's not upright and ambulatory for at least three quarters of the season?  Then this has the potential to be my favorite donkeys team of all time, because if brock osweiler is your backup?  In the words of Ween, you're "up sh*ts creek with a turd for a paddle".

6. The Division Coach of the Year.

Mike McCoy, Chargers.  I loved this hire, if only because it means john fox has lost both his coordinators to head coaching jobs within the division.  The enemy of my enemy?  Is my friend.  Words of wisdom Mr. Obama should think very carefully about over the next couple days.

7. The Mixology Choice for Each Team.

* broncos: "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.

* Chiefs: "This Ain't a Love Song" by Bon Jovi.

* Chargers: "California Dreaming" by the Mamas and the Papas.

* raiders: "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed.

8. The Bottom Line ... 'Cause Stone Cold Stevo Said So!

For the first time since Thanksgiving Night, 2006, broncos at Chiefs will have meaning for both teams, will quite possibly be a "loser's in deep trouble, winner's in the drivers seat" for the division title and a playoff berth.  Or, in other words, the way God intended it to be.  Sunday, December 1, 2013, cannot get here soon enough.

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The AFC Overall (Playoff Seed Where Applicable):

16-0: none.
15-1: none.
14-2: none.
13-3: none.
12-4: Cincinnati Bengals (1), Houston Texans (2).
11-5: New England Patriots (3), Baltimore Ravens (5), Pittsburgh Steelers (6).
10-6: denver broncos (4), Kansas City Chiefs, San Diego "Super" Chargers.
9-7: none.
8-8: Cleveland Browns, Indianapolis Colts.
7-9: none.
6-10: none.
5-11: Buffalo Bills.
4-12: none.
3-13: New York Jets, Miami Dolphins, Tennessee Titans, oakland raiders.
2-14: Jacksonville Jaguars.
1-15: none.
0-16: none.

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The Postseason Played Out:

* Wild Card Round.

Steelers 24, at Patriots 13.  
at broncos 34, Ravens 31 (OT).
Seahawks 27, at Falcons 20.
at Bears 31, Cowboys 14.

* Divisional Round.

at Bengals 24, Steelers 21 (OT).
broncos 34, at Texans 27.
Seahawks 31, at Giants 20.
at 49ers 26, Bears 21.

* AFC Championship:

broncos 34, at Bengals 13.

AFC Champion: denver broncos.

* NFC Championship:

at 49ers 30, Seahawks 3.

NFC Champion: San Francisco 49ers.

* Super Bowl XLVIII:

broncos 27, 49ers 21.

Super Bowl Champion: denver broncos.

a decade of ... what, exactly?

Sunday's pick: at Chiefs (-3) 24, Browns 10.

Enjoy.

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This decade opened for the Chiefs with arguably the second most crushing defeat in franchise history (and certainly the most crushing of my lifetime), a 41-38 overtime thriller to the oakland raiders. This decade will end with the Chiefs 161 game sellout streak coming to a close Sunday against Cleveland.

This certainly was not a "great" decade for Chiefs football. Only two playoff berths, one division title, and zero postseason victories.

But you can't say it wasn't fun. Here's my list of Chiefs highlights, lowlights, and other memorable moments from the decade, not necessarily in organized form.

2000 (The Lost Season):

* the death of DT. The Chiefs have never come close to replacing him, either on the field performance wise, or off the field community presence wise. Thankfully, no Chiefs player has come close to replacing him in terms of his amazing inability to wear a condom.

* Bill Grigsby telling a group of Chiefs fans outside a, uuh, "local establishment" in Nashville that "I hope we beat those f*ckers".

* The Monday nighter against Seattle, when Ed Hochuli's original fan club got all we could ask for. "Sweet Jesus! Ed Hochuli! / Is that a problem guys?" We also told Ed that he needed to steal the win for us that night. I'll be damned if a total desperation Chiefs challenge didn't somehow overturn a Christian Fauria catch to save the game for the Chiefs. (Watch the replay -- there is no way it was incomplete. None. Ed's the best. Plus, it led to one of the great MNF moments ever, when the mics pick up Gunther cursing on the sideline, and Dennis Miller cracking "wasn't me". I still bust out laughing every time I hear that clip.)

* Then following it up a couple weeks later against oakland by telling Johnny Greer "Thank God you're not Hochuli!" and getting one of the longest laughs you'll get out of a ref.

* Closing down Real Mile High in fashion, rallying from a 16-3 deficit to win 23-22 on the strength of Elvis Grbac's arm and Marvcus Patton's hands.

* the Grbeard! Guys my age looked ugly as hell around this town for the whole month of October that year.

* the blowout of the Rams. Complete with a wise prognosticator telling Kurt Warner that "you're going out today!" Second quarter, Warner broke his hand.

* The "Golden Toe" of Todd Peterson to beat the donkeys here in December, sparking my favorite announcer interaction of that season:

(kevin harlan) windchill of 15 below, and he's about a point 15 right about now.
(pan to fat shirtless guy in club level)
(moose johnston) you know, that's a guy who should keep his shirt on when its 85 degrees and sunny, you know?
(laughs all around)

* The firing of Gunther Cunningham as head coach. Always a sign of good, open communication between you and your boss (in this case, Carl Peterson), when you find out you've been fired by reading it on the internet in your office. Did give us Carl's priceless sendoff to Gun though:

(carl) how ya feelin' Gun?
(gunther) how do I look standing here before you?
(carl) confident and classy.

2001 (A New Beginning):

* The Dick Vermeil era begins. Even more impressively, on a Friday in late April, night before the draft, Carl Peterson has arguably his single greatest day as a GM in the league, signing Priest Holmes as a free agent, and trading for Trent Green. I'd argue Priest Holmes is the second or third best free agent signing in NFL history, definitely behind Reggie White signing in Green Bay, and equal to Garrison Hearst signing with the 49ers.

* 9/11 postponing the Seahawks game from week two, to the season finale. And not even three weeks after 9/11, the quacks and kooks were already out in Lafayette Park protesting before America had even responded.

* Beating Marty, in Washington, by 28 points.

* the ridiculousness of the Giants game. I get it, first game post 9/11, New York team, yada yada yada. Everything about that game though was so over the top that it just made me sick. Right down to the fireman ceaselessly passing the boot down the aisle. We get it guys, they need help. Once is enough. I'm not donating 25 effing times.

* Life is Great at Super 8! No, turning on the faucet does not drown out the sounds of a couple having sex. Nice try though.

* welcoming Eagles owner Jeffrey Luria to "a real NFL stadium". He didn't disagree with our assessment.

* the Christmas gift from Donnie Edwards. As well as the shoutout on his old website.

2002 (You Want Offense? We Got Offense Champ!)

* the Ryan Sims draft debacle. In hindsight, its not a good thing the Vikings screwed up and didn't get the card to the podium in time.

* the Tour Stop. I'm not a huge Jim Rome fan ... actually, I'm not a fan at all. But it was pretty cool, just 10,000 plus die hard sports fans listening to national and local figures transfer their passion for KC area sports to you for an afternoon.

* The John Tait Game in Cleveland to open the season. This game sticks out to me, not just for the insane finish, but because it was the first game my old dog Priest ever witnessed. After Ron Blum called the personal foul on Rudd, it was bedlam at the old house. When the field goal went through, it was absolutely insane. How did we win this game? After a celebratory adult beverage (or five), it finally dawned on us, "whoa, where's the dog? Where's Priest?" We searched the whole house looking for him, and he was nowhere to be found. Now we're in a state of panic, like "how the hell do you lose a dog?" Worried he'd escaped out the front door, worried he'd escaped through the garage, he could be anywhere.

(P Diddy was only a couple months old at this point, and had been there for barely a week. It was panic city).

Finally, Gregg noticed a little trail of yellow on the carpet, that led to the coffee table. In the middle interior part of the coffee table, so far back that you couldn't see him except for his eyes, was a scared sh*tless Priest. He was so freaked out by the reaction to the Chiefs win, that he'd whizzed on the carpet and hid from everyone. (I miss my special little guy).

* the Miami game, arguably my favorite game of the decade. Especially after Trent Green nearly decapitated a Dolphins defender blocking downfield for Priest Holmes.

* "The Plea", arguably my finest hour as a writer.

* the loss to denver, a defeat I still have not dealt responsibly with eight years later.

* beating oakland for the first time in three years, to reach .500 at the midpoint.

* The 810 Chiefs Discount! Basically Keitzman had all these local businesses lined up for the second half of the season, and however many points the Chiefs scored, that was your percentage discount at said business that week. After back to back 49 point outings, they had to scrap the program because businesses were literally hemorraging money.

* the shutout of the Cardinals. Gregg said all season long that the 32 Defense had a shutout in them. I immediately took that bet. The lesson? I'm not a good gambler when it comes to sports.

2003 (The Benchmark):

* the last double-header day of the decade! Possibly my favorite day of the decade. A first place Royals team (literally) throwing down with the second place Twins. The Chiefs and Vikings as the nightcap. A day long tailgate. 100 plus degrees and not a cloud in the sky. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: when I'm not the only person at a tailgate with the shirt off, its freaking hot. Plus you had the Tin Cup.

* the four game stretch of heart-attack inducing euphoria. Dante Hall's kick return in Baltimore with 3 minutes to go to beat the Ravens. The rally from down 17 with 8 minutes to play, to win in overtime at Green Bay two weeks later. The fourth game in the stretch, the (literal) goal-line tackle of tim brown to save the raiders game.

But its the second game that always stands out. First of all, there were no tickets to be had that morning. None. Noone was selling them off. 4-0 denver at 4-0 Kansas City. Even with NASCAR running at the Speedway at the same friggin time, NOBODY was selling tickets. Amazing.

Plus, it was a running gag back then that every time Dante Hall did his thing, I was in the bathroom. Never failed. I literally had not witnessed any of his previous 6 kick returns for touchdowns because I was whizzing at the time. (And yes, after the 2nd or 3rd kick I missed, it started to be an intentional thing, I'd get up and leave before 3rd down).

I didn't leave my seat for this one. Because I didn't expect a return. Not given where denver was punting from (midfield) and we were receiving the ball at (our own eight).

What more needs to be said. "The punt by micah knorr. Dante Hall looking up, fields it ... escapes a tackle ... uh oh, now he's around the corner ... and he's found a seam! Look out! Only one player to beat and that's knorr ... ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing something that has never happened before in the National Football League!" The best part about the return is if you pull up the clip, the moment in the broadcast where Kevin Harlan pauses between "and that's knorr ..." and " ... ladies and gentlemen", it got so loud in that stadium that the CBS feed had to distort the broadcast feed so that you could hear the broadcast. The crowd was louder than the friggin CBS microphones. Listen to the clip sometime. When someone asks me "what do you mean by saying 'it felt like old times in there today'", just refer to that play.

(The only other times I can recall it getting that loud, that you couldn't hear the broadcast? The Vanover punt return against the Chargers in 1995. The Pete for President field goal against the donkeys in 1997. The DT sack and fumble recovery of elway in 1992. The DT sack and safety of Steve Young in 1994. And pretty much the entire Bills game in 1991, from the moment the pregame started. Let's just say, Dante Hall's punt return was a huge moment in the annals of franchise history).

(And the thing is, it never stopped getting louder after that. The last eight minutes of that game, the crowd willed the Chiefs to that win. denver should have won. Randy Cross noted that "sometimes you can't overcome one player, he can just beat you". denver that day couldn't overcome one player ... and 80,000 red and gold clad fans cheering like holy hell for the only thing in this town worth cheering for).

* the day of that Green Bay game, not necessarily Chiefs related but I'm watching the IndyCar season finale at Texas afterwards, and that was the race where my favorite driver, Kenny Brack, should have died. Youtube! the clip sometime, its just frightening. Even Paul Page had sheer horror in his voice announcing it, and Page can find humor in just about anything. (Which is probably why he's one of my favorite announcers).

Brack's car literally disintegrates on impact, flying through the air, into the catch fence, and tumbles down the straightaway over and over and over before finally resting. Its the only race I've ever seen that didn't actually finish for reasons other than weather. The IRL officials just called it right then. Brack would triumphantly return in 2005 for one race (the 500), but that wreck (and the 18 months of physical therapy afterwards) pretty much ended his career.

* the roadie to Cincinnati, where I got to sleep on a concrete floor in a hotel with no heat, before getting decked by a drunk Bengals fan during the game, and then driving home in a blinding fog after the game. Good times.

* the roadie to Minnesota, where it was so cold that I vowed that very day that "I will never again go somewhere colder than Kansas City for a sporting event". In a related development, I'm going to Milwaukee in six weeks for a Bucks game. The lesson? I'm full of it.

* the Lions game, overshadowed by catching Saddam that morning. The quietest I've ever heard the Arrowhead parking lot. No music, no party or festival like atmosphere, just everybody watching or listening to news. Then the Chiefs go out and clinch their first division title in six years by destroying the Lions. Other than the fact it was freezing cold, a winner of a day.

* the playoff loss to Indy, offensive football at its finest. Last team with the ball wins. Zero punts. No defense. And the end of the Greg Robinson error.

2004 (The Supreme Disappointment):

* rehiring Gunther Cunningham as defensive coordinator. In hindsight, that really didn't work out.

* the hype, the anticipation, for the 2004 season. The NFL believed in us -- we had four prime time games that year. The schedule, good God, you couldn't draw up a more attractive schedule. Hosting the divisional rivals, plus the Patriots (defending champs), Colts (beat us in the playoffs), the Panthers (defending NFC champs), and Falcons (wildcard team, plus Vick). The only "dud" home game was the Texans. Even the roadies, at Baltimore (defending North champs), at Tennessee (wildcard team), at New Orleans (always an awesome road trip), and Tampa (ditto).

* The tough opening loss at denver. The crushing defeat to Carolina. The backbreaking defeat to Houston to open 0-3, heading to Baltimore on a Monday night. And then, with their backs to the wall and the nation watching, Dick Vermeil's finest coaching hour with this team, as the Chiefs just physically dominated the Ravens. Ray Lewis was more frustrated than DT in the Monday Night Meltdown, drawing nearly as many personal fouls as DT did that night. Season temporarily on.

* the death of Randy. Chiefs games just aren't the same.

* the back-to-back offensive explosions against Atlanta and Indy. 8 touchdowns, all rushing, against the Falcons. Setting up a game against the Colts that I believed would save the season and get us back on track for the playoffs. The Chiefs did beat Indy ... but didn't win again until December. Really, this whole season was just one lost cause, one wasted effort.

* and speaking of wasted, I have never been drunker at that complex than I was for the Falcons game. That was not an easy game to deal with, at all.

2005 (Wasted Opportunity):

* perhaps Carl's most savvy draft pick of the decade, in the 5th round, when the Chiefs took a flyer on some linebacker dude named Boomer Grigsby. Three years of tailgating heaven were born.

* the opening drive of the season. Priest offtackle for 20. Priest offtackle for 30. LJ offtackle for 30 and the six. We ran the same damned play three times in a row, and the Jets couldn't stop it. Sadly, this was the game when some drunk Jets fans behind me got angry when I started taunting them with the Fireman Ed J E T S Jets Jets Jets! chant, so they threw beer on me, ruining my 2003 Division Champs t-shirt.

* the beginning of the end of the fun, the loss to Philly. Man, that one hurt. National TV game, 3:15 start, gorgeous 90 degree afternoon, we get Philly down 17-0 right away, 23-6 before they know what hit them ... and then Trent Green throws a killer "taint" to Lito (oh oh oh oh oh oh!) Shepherd, the Eagles roll off 31 unanswered, and the Chiefs whiz away a game that had they won, would have meant a playoff berth.

* the Dolphins game being moved up because of a hurricane. A completely empty stadium in Miami as the Chiefs rolled the Dolphins (whew. Seriously, I was really nervous about this one, normal conditions we'd have won easily, but moving the game up 48 hours and with a hurricane looming? Yikes).

* the next week in San Diego, when Priest suffered his neck injury he never recovered from. Setting up ...

* 3-4 oakland at 4-3 Kansas City. raiders lead 23-20 with a minute to go. Then Green hits LJ for a 36 yard screen and scramble, down to the oakland 1 yard line. Arrowhead is going nuts. :05 remained. In section 132, this hot as hell blogger was completely unsure of what to do. I thought we had time for a quick pass, a one step drop, if its there throw it, if not spike it, and then try the field goal. Dick Vermeil had other ideas.

Power formation. Its all or nothing. LJ dives ... Touchdown! Kan! Sas! City! The really cool thing is to go back and watch the replay from the end zone -- Shields and Waters are so successful at opening the hole, that Tony Richardson has NOONE to block! Our two lineman completely took the entire right side of the raiders defense out of the play. So as LJ dives in, Richardson just kind of strolls into the end zone to celebrate. I love beating the raiders.

(Ironically, I left the next day for Tampa for a week of meetings. The football fans down there were like "that must have been amazing to see". And it was. That very next week, Gruden did the same thing for the Bucs, going for the win against Washington instead of the tie as time expired).

* beating the Patriots in the rain. Also, postgame tailgating, this was the first time I can recall "Stalker Lady" appearing.

* "The Stand". I still get chills just thinking about it. And not just because it was 5 below zero and approaching 7pm. Chiefs up 31-27, donkeys have 4th and 2 with 2:07 to play at their own 46. shanarat opts to go for it. mike anderson on the inside handoff ... bring on the chains ... first down denver. On the broadcast, a dejected Len Dawson can be heard dropping an expletive. In section 132, this still hot as hell Chiefs fan is irate. (The locals can back me up on this). I'm screaming at the sideline to challenge the spot. I had a perfect angle for that play, and there isn't a shot in hell anderson reached the 48. Total misspot. Thankfully, Mike White saw the same thing I did, and screamed at Vermeil to challenge the spot. We did.

The replay took what seemed like forever. The game, and possibly the division, was all that hung in the balance. Finally Bill Leavy emerges from the hood. "the runner did not reach ..." and as soon as he said "reach", you couldn't hear anything. The stands just exploding with joy. My tear ducts exploding with water. The donkeys broadcasters noting that "the Chiefs players are celebrating on the field ..." Was that really just four short years ago? Oy.

* the roadie to Dallas. Other than me and Dusty's roadie to Indy in 06 for the 500, this is my favorite road trip ever. 30 plus Chiefs fans taking over a wing of the Hampton Inn on Walnut Hill. Me and Gregg spending that Sunday morning breaking into various football stadiums around Dallas. We got into Gerald Ford Stadium at SMU. Came close to getting into the Cotton Bowl. Would have snuck into Amon Carter if it wasn't an hour away. (The lesson: stadium security in Dallas is not very good). The loss killed the Chiefs season, but still a great trip.

2006 (Steve's Favorite Season of the Decade ... and Longest Section of this Post ...):

* the year begins with Carl trading a fourth round pick to the Jets for the rights to head coach Herm Edwards. I was ecstatic. I still think Herm could have worked out here had Carl gotten on board with the rebuild after the 2006 season, instead of waiting another year. That decision to try to win in 2007 rather than tear an aging team apart and start over probably cost both of them their employment last year. It definitely cost Herm his.

* you couldn't script a worse opening to the season. Trent Green, who hasn't missed a game in 5 years, knocked out cold in the rain against Cincinnati. Then the next week, an overtime loss at denver in which neither team found the end zone. 0-2 overall, 0-2 in the conference, 0-1 in the division, already two behind denver and they've got the tiebreaker, and its not even mid September yet. Thankfully, the Chiefs somehow lucked into an early bye that year.

* the bye week, my long-time seatmates Chris and Greg got married. Probably the best wedding I've ever been to. When you showed up, you were asked "what glass would you like?" If you wanted beer, you were given a mug. Wine, a wine glass. Liquor, a cocktail glass. Then after an hour or so of schmoozing and boozing, the wedding itself. Clocked out in barely 5 minutes. Lovely setting (their back yard in the gazebo, they are right on a huge wooded area. Looked neat), with no long drawn out crap, no singing, no ridiculous communion or reciting of vows or candle lighting garbage. In, out, let's party. My kind of wedding.

(and to think people wonder why I have never been married. Good luck selling that "dream wedding" to the future Mrs. Steve ...)

* the 49ers game, a lovely 41-0 victory that suddenly gave the Kingdom a glimmer of hope.

* followed up by the Cardinals game. Falling behind 14-0 barely 5 minutes into the game. Somehow, the Chiefs just kept fighting. Somehow, they just kept coming back, finally taking a 3 point lead on a 76 yard LJ screen pass. The Cards mount a last second drive to get into long field goal range. The kick ... NO GOOD! Wide left! As this hot as hell texter sent via, uuh, text: "season f*cking on!" The three sweetest words in the English language.

(Other than "wanna hook up?", of course).

* the Steelers game, when we were "used as their own personal urinal", according to the kcchiefs.com recap guy. That might be my favorite description of a Chiefs game ever, they "used us as their personal urinal". Then again, its kind of hard to find some positives when you lose 45-7, and it wasn't even that close.

* setting up what I would call Herm's finest hour. (and possibly mine as a prognosticator). The Chiefs are reeling at 2-3. We're starting a QB that hadn't seen regular action in 8 years. Our offensive line is in shambles. Confidence wasn't exactly super high entering a showdown with the red hot unbeaten San Diego "Super" Chargers.

Only something was different that day. You could sense it. I wouldn't call it cockiness, but among the fanbase that day, there was just this expectation of "we're not letting these guys lose today". The defense felt it, definitely, early on. They harassed Rivers into mistake after mistake. San Diego's first four drives? Interception, QB fumble, punt, Interception. The Chiefs led 14-0. Then, as you'd expect, the superior team fought back. Tying the game at 27. But the Chiefs (and the fans) just wouldn't let these guys fold. Down the field we came. Huard to Gonzalez to get us to the 30, setting up Tynes with :09 for a 49 yarder. Its good! But ... false start, Kris Wilson. On the CBS broadcast, you can hear Kevin Harlan openly rooting for KC, when the penalty is called he lets out an audible "no!".

(note: it was a horrible call. Even dick gannon agreed it was a bad call, and whatever I think of dick gannon, he's a pretty unbiased, down the middle commentator who usually gives the refs the benefit of the doubt. Its why he's a good broadcaster. But when he can't find the penalty, you know its a bad call).

But credit Tynes. Who noted afterwards "there wasn't any way I was missing that second kick. It could have been from 65 yards out, it was going in". From 53, Tynes, money. Chiefs 30, Chargers 27. Season so effing on.

The postgame was great too. You left that stadium absolutely exhausted. We'd gone to battle with our guys for 3 1/2 hours, and emerged the winner. Wasn't the last time that would happen in 2006.

* the next week, the defending NFC champs come calling. What is this, murderer's row? Three straight games, at the defending Super Bowl champs, hosting a team that would go 14-2, and now the defending NFC champs? And remember, Damon Huard was hurt, he wasn't expected to play in this game against Seattle. We're down to Brodie Croyle and whoever had the best arm during tailgating in Lot G at QB.

Still ... you just sensed it that morning. The fanbase buying into these guys. "We're not letting you lose this game". And we didn't. All game the Seahawks led. All game the Chiefs rallied, scoring last to win by a touchdown. From 0-2, with a concussed QB lying unconscious on the turf ... to 4-3 and headed to St. Louis.

* and a blowout win over the Rams in one of the worst commentated games ever, the Criqui / Buerelein tandem that led to a memorable explosion / rant by me afterwards in the recap.

* following a tough defeat to the Dolphins, it set up the five days any Chiefs fan would gladly want to experience. oakland and denver, back to back. The first on a frigid Sunday afternoon, the second in front of the nation on Thanksgiving Night. Win both or kiss the playoff hopes goodbye.

The raiders game was ridiculous. Neither team could do a damned thing with the football. It was Trent Green's first game back, and it showed. Leading 13-9 as time ticked down, the Chiefs had their backs to the wall. oakland had 1st and goal at the Chiefs 8. Cue the debut of raider killer Jarrad Page, who picked off aaron brooks' pass to preserve the win and get the Chiefs to 6-4. And ready to welcome the 7-3 donkeys to Arrowhead.

* what a day that was. Its recapped elsewhere on this site. Our tailgating group took Tailgaters of the Game. 50 plus people spread out across the grassy expanse behind Lot G. A game the Chiefs never trailed in. The last snaps of jake "the fake" plummer's career. Brave Bennie Sapp storming the donkeys bench, grabbing the towel, and leading 80,000 Chiefs fans in cheers.

This game to me was the high mark of the decade. I honestly can't put into words just how amazing it was to be there for that day, to experience the high of seeing the team you love, as an underdog, a beat up, desperate, back to the wall underdog, go out and just physically annihilate the team I hate more than any other. At that moment, leaving the stadium that night, the sky was the limit.

These 0-2 scrappers were now 7-4. They had a layup coming up in Cleveland, then a showdown with the AFC's big boys, hosting the 2 loss Ravens, then another prime time showdown at the 2 loss Chargers. For ten days, I was on cloud nine. This team, our team, my team, was the baddest boy on the AFC block. Nobody had done better in their last 9 games than the Chiefs, and we'd beaten the other team to go 7-2 in that stretch.

* And then came Cleveland. The ridiculous loss in overtime to a third string QB.

* And then came Baltimore, where the Chiefs whizzed away a very winnable game with one of the worst cover two defenses I've ever seen, as Derrick Mason literally ran up the field, untouched, as both "Cut" Greg Wesley and Ty Law just watched him fly by.

* And then came the news that the founder of the club, owner Lamar Hunt, had passed away.

* And then came the tough, crushing defeat in San Diego, another very winnable game (20-9 final score) that the Chiefs simply didn't make the play they needed to make in. From 7-4 and riding high, to 7-7 and on the outside looking in, in the span of three weeks. Toss in the death of Mr. Hunt, and the fact that the Chiefs needed so much stuff to happen in the last two weeks, six different combinations of things had to happen, to get us in.

* Which is why you never, ever, ever, give up, until you're mathematically eliminated. First, the Chiefs had to beat oakland. They did, in another prime-time showing. (Hard to believe that this blowout in the black hole was our last prime-time game of the decade huh?) Then the Bengals needed to lose at fake mile high. Incredibly, the Bengals botched a game-tying extra point as time expired, giving the donkeys a 24-23 victory and keeping hope alive one more week. Setting up ...

* The Immaculate Fourfecta. Four outcomes that had to happen, only a couple of which seemed even remotely possible. First, in the cold and the snow, the Chiefs had to take care of business and beat the Jaguars. They did, 35-30, in a classic Arrowhead game (loud crowd willing the team to victory; Bernard Pollard's "holy f*cking sh*t did you see that!!!" punt block for a touchdown, the flea flicker bomb to Kennison, and Herm Edwards going for it up 5 with the game on the line, with Green's hard count drawing the Jaguars offside. Yet another game recapped on this site!)

No sooner was Arrowhead done celebrating the offside penalty to seal the game, than the Arrowvision operator switched to a half empty stadium in Nashville. (The Chiefs did not show the scores related to their playoff hopes that day, and I intentionally didn't pay any attention. If we lost, what did it matter?) Vinny Testaverde was tossing a touchdown for the Patriots, who had steamrolled a Titans team that had won 8 of 10 and simply needed to beat a Pats team playing for nothing and resting every starter. They lost by 25.

Then the screen flipped to Cincinnati, where again, a team playing at home simply needed to beat a team with nothing to play for, to eliminate KC and potentially punch their playoff ticket. Just in time to see Santonio Holmes streaking down the sideline to deliver the win to Pittsburgh. The Chiefs were 5 for 5. Only one obstacle remained.

The 49ers somehow, some way, had to knock off the donkeys in denver.

And somehow, some way, they did. In overtime. On the leg of Joe Nedney, who screwed the Chiefs out of a playoff berth and division championship in 1999 by doing the exact same thing for oakland.

* the playoff loss was tough. Possibly the worst offensive gameplan in franchise history. The Chiefs didn't gain a first down until less than a minute remained in the third quarter.

And yet still, with 12 minutes to go, the Chiefs had the ball with a chance to tie. In that fact is probably why I loved the 2006 season so much. I love overachieving teams. The 2006 Chiefs did that better than any other Chiefs team in the decade.

2007 (The Roof Is Caving In):

* In hindsight, the offseason is when the rebuild should have begun. Carl misread the playoff season of 2006 as proof that they still had enough left in the tank to contend one more time. Herm read it for what it was: the last gasp of a fading franchise.

I was torn between the two viewpoints. I agreed with Herm that it was the last gasp of that core of players. But I also agreed with Carl, that there was still enough talent left to make one last run at respectability before tearing the thing down. In the end, this inability to reconcile the two points of view led to the complete collapse of the team come November, a collapse that still hasn't hit rock bottom.

The offseason also saw some costly personnel decisions. Carl wisely cut the cord with Trent Green, but in typical Carl fashion, completely botched how the transaction went down. He signed LJ to a massive contract after a lengthy holdout, a move that I still believe was correct at the time, but which ended up blowing up in the Chiefs face. The LJ deal also indicated which franchise player Carl was going to pay, and led to the Jared Allen trade a year later.

The 2007 draft, now one of extreme importance due to (a) the aging of the roster, and (b) the complete lack of talent to come out of the 2000-2005 drafts, can only be described as Carl's rock bottom moment. Dwayne Bowe in round one is at best an average NFL receiver. Turk McBride in round two, disaster. Tank Tyler in round three, waste of space. Even day two of the draft, where Carl usually excelled, was a catastrophe. Kolby Smith can't stay healthy. Justin Medlock was cut after one game. Not Carl's finest hour.

* the Chiefs were the featured team on Hard Knocks. Which led to three funny moments: (1) "Ray needs to see you ... and please bring your playbook". (2) when the show's star, Bobby Sippio, figured out he was cousins with Dwayne Bowe. Good grief. But (3) tops them all, with Carl actually handing Herm a set of keys and saying "the car's yours" in relation to the upcoming season. I stood at that scene in utter shock. What sane grown man does something like that? Just a sign of the catastrophe to come.

* season opener in Houston! Awesome road trip. Horrible football game.

* the home opener against the Vikings, where the highlight had to be KC Wolf taking out the drunk dude who ran onto the field.

* another 0-2 open, that then saw the Chiefs run off 4 of 5 to get to 4-3 at the bye, good for first place in the division. With one of the most anticipated games in years coming up, the Packers at Arrowhead.

* A lot of people, if they look back at the last few years, would probably point to the playoff loss in 2006 as the beginning of the end for the Chiefs. And they'd probably be right. But the Green Bay loss was every bit as crushing. The Chiefs led by 4 with 3:13 to play, and Green Bay had 3rd and 6. A stand there, force the punt, and who knows how the second half of the season unfolds. At 5-3, with denver coming to town, the confidence and swagger and fanbase willing this team to win just like in 2006 back in effect ... sadly, we'll never know, because Favre unloaded the bomb to Jennings, then Woodson returned the pick six to seal the game. The Chiefs wouldn't win again for 10 months.

* the denver game was horrendous. A 6-2 score at the half. denver scores 20 unanswered in 4 minutes to open the second half. Let's just say, I was not a happy camper after the game.

* the "Restore the Tradition" tailgate against oakland, it was fun for one day to relive the past. But one day was enough. Too much has changed since Randy died. Too much has changed. And not all of it for the better.

* the season finale, pitting two wildcard teams from the previous season, that each limped in with double digit losses. Wretched football at its finest, with the Jets winning in overtime. The Chiefs finished 4-12, their worst record since 1988.

2008 (The Caving Roof Takes Out the Floor As Well):

* the 9 game losing streak to end the season convinced Carl that it was time to rebuild. Lots of veterans shown the door.

* Jared Allen traded to Minnesota for what's turned into Branden Albert, Brad Cottam, and Jamaal Charles. Albert's struggling. Cottam is useless. Charles maybe can develop into a decent Warrick Dunn type back, if he gets over his fumbling problem. Still, no matter how you look at it two years out, Minnesota fleeced us.

* the first season I didn't go to a game when I already had the tickets since ... uuh ... ever. I skipped the Rams preseason finale ... to watch Obama's acceptance speech at the DNC. I also skipped the Dolphins regular season finale because it was -5 degrees out, and we sucked.

* three straight losses to open the season. Running the streak to 12.

* the defining moment of the season. The sole highlight of the season. The win over denver. I have very few rules in life, but anytime you can spend a late September day out in 90 degree heat, and watch your favorite team beat up your most hated team, I have to do it. Also the game when I kept getting these text messages from a number I didn't have stored that said "is the shirt off yet", "take the shirt off", "dammit take the shirt off". At least someone in the stadium wanted me! Sadly, she is married to Gregg, so that ain't happening.

* the Titans game, when we got Tailgaters of the Game again. And saw Chris Johnson play the bongo after scoring on a ridiculously long touchdown run.

* the whizzed away Jets game. We had them beat. I hate losses like that.

* the blown 21-3 lead to Tampa. Not a good afternoon.

* ditto the game in denver. I really hate losses like to those guys.

* the end of an era, as Carl Peterson stepped down in late December. Probably two years too late in hindsight.

* also the end of an era (or error?), as Herm Edwards was fired as head coach.

* worst record in team history, 2-14. Ouch.

2009 (Uuh, This Is Progress? Really? This Is Progress?)

* your new GM? The hottest name on the market, Scott Pioli from the Patriots.

* your new head coach? The offensive coordinator of the NFC champions, Todd Haley.

* Sign that one of those hirings probably was a premature promotion -- when Haley dropped his infamous "any 22 guys on the street could win two games", and then refused to meet with one of his best players (Brian Waters) regarding the comment. Haley's irratibility continues to affect the Chiefs in a negative way.

* Pioli's first draft pick? Tyson Jackson. The rest of the draft hasn't really contributed much yet, save for Mr. Irrelevant, Ryan Succup. The best kicker the Chiefs have had since I was in college.

* the trade for Cassel and Mike Vrabel. I was very happy with the trade at the time. I still think Cassel's gonna be good, even if the contract extension was a mistake. Vrabel has been what I expected, a veteran on the down side of his career.

* the signing of Mike Brown. In one word: disasterous. And not just because it led to the cut of Bernard Pollard, which was a huge mistake.

* Haley firing OC Chan Gailey with two weeks to go before the start of the season. Idiocy, yet it was probably the right decision given their personality clashes. Still, you won't convince me this team wouldn't have three more wins at this point with Haley not calling plays (and getting distracted from game management). We absolutely would have won oakland, Dallas and Buffalo with a separate offensive coordinator.

* tough opening defeat in Baltimore, a game that was tied with 5 minutes to go. The Chiefs were 13 point dogs, and nearly won.

* tough home opening defeat to oakland. That's three straight losses at home to the hated raiders and counting.

* really tough loss to Dallas, collapsing in the second half, rallying to force overtime, and then neglecting to give Leggett help covering Miles Austin.

* the first win, at Washington. Pretty much sealed Jim Zorn's fate.

* two 30 plus point losses to the Chargers. This rebuild has a ways to go.

* an at the time stunning upset of the Steelers. Arrowhead's finest hour this season, that's for sure.

* a blowout defeat at home to denver thanks to a stupid decision to fake a punt. An unforgivable offense in my book, losing at home to denver.

* and come Sunday, the end of the sellout streak, against the Browns. The last time a Chiefs game wasn't televised, well, its probably good it wasn't that day, as Warren Moon torched us for 500 plus yards and Steve DeBerg broke his pinky, leading to the most ridiculous looking hand bandage ever devised. Also, I was in 8th grade. I turn 33 in three weeks. Its been awhile.

Thoughts, suggestions, other Chiefs inquiries? Feel free to post away in the comments section ...