Sunday, July 26, 2015

(stevo voice) because of course his middle name is brent! ...

“I thought them feelings was long gone, baby,
But you take me back in time!
Just like Spring Break?  In Panama City?
Girl from Indiana?  Sure was pretty.

But she ain’t got nothing on you, tonight!

Cause you’re like the summer lover –
You don’t come or go!
Never had to say goodbye!

And I wake up every morning?
Feeling like a first kiss,
Every time your lips touch mine!

Makes me wanna sneak
Down your driveway,
To climb out your window –
Get in girl!  We’ll roll ‘til the dirt road ends!

You can climb up in that back seat!
With your dirty little bare feet!
Get the butterflies like we used to,
When we had our innocence!

Just like we’re seventeen again!

Looking back? 
I wish I could put you,
Inside every memory.

You could be my first love,
My first kiss,
My first and last everything …”

-- “17 Again” by Brantley Gilbert … which is not only my favorite effort this artist has ever released (even if the linked version leaves a lot to be desired), and not only am I seriously contemplating dropping $150/ticket to see the secondary warming up act for Kenny Chesney next weekend at Arrowhead … but gun to my head, save for “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”, “I Don’t Wanna Be”, and “Somewhere Only We Know”, this?  Is my favorite song of all time.

Cue “Innocent” filing a lawsuit, over that declaration …

--------------------

Seventeen again.

That’s the only reaction I have to today’s news – massive, landshape-altering, absolutely mind f*ck blowing news – out of One Kauffman Way ,at the trade the Royals pulled off on Saturday night … saw fall through due to some shady shyster doctors ... only to see the deal re-pull together, about lunchtime today.

I’m seventeen again.

Considering when the raiders visit Arrowhead this season, I turn 39?

That's a good thing.

No -- that's a DAMNED good thing.

--------------------

When I was seventeen?  You could legitimately argue, that was the greatest sports year of my lifetime in this town, and for me personally.  The Knicks reached the Finals, finally smashing the glass ceiling Michael Jordan and his Bulls had established for that franchise.  My adopted NBA franchise, the Bucks, used the first pick in the draft on Glenn Robinson ... who had just dominated KU in a way few players ever have, in the Sweet Sixteen at the Dome in St. Louis.

The Chiefs made the AFC Championship Game, won their most recent playoff victory, saw the Steve Young / Joe Montana showdown as a home opener none of us will ever forget, saw the greatest Monday Night Football game of all time, as Joe Montana threw his 54th (and final) pass of the night to Willie Davis, who crossed that goalline like the champion every member of the Red and Gold is, and saw Mr. Montana's (and for all intents and purposes, Mr. Peterson's) career end in Miami on New Year's Eve.

The Rangers (my and “The Voice of Reason”’s adopted NHL team before I moved to Dallas) won the Stanley Cup for the first time in 54 years.  The USMNT pulled off an epic franchise-altering upset of Columbia, to reach the knockout round of the World Cup. 

OJ Simpson made white Ford Bronco famous. 

And oh yeah -- Dr. Tom FINALLY got his national championship, not just at the scene of his most gut-wrenching, admirable defeat (The Orange Bowl), but against the team that gave it to him (your ... because they certainly aren't my) Miami Hurricanes, almost eleven years to the day, Bernie Kosar pulled off one of the greatest upsets in college football history.

All, when I was seventeen.

--------------------

And please -- allow me to once against apologize to my buddy Bunch's mom, for wearing the carpet by her patio door into destruction that New Year's Eve, from pacing the floor so much.

--------------------

Politics?  Again – life-altering.  The Republicans defeated health care reform, and rode that (along with the Clinton budget that was the last sane idea to pass the Congress, or so it seems) to winning the House for the first time in fifty years.  I met First Lady Clinton, and a lifetime of (for lack of a better way to put it) indefensible idol worship was blossomed. 

--------------------

I still have in The Cigar Box, the tickets from the Rangers vs Mariners on August 11, 1994.  My dad moved up my visit to my eventual collegiate home, Texas Christian University (go Horny Frogs go!), so that I could catch a game at the new Ballpark in Arlington, before the strike hit.

That’s how much baseball once meant to me – my dad instinctively knew “move PTO and a recruitment visit up a week, so that my son doesn’t b*tch about a missed opportunity at a place I don’t give a sh*t about, for a sport you couldn’t pay me to watch.” 

Oh, and baseball, when I was seventeen?

The Royals took the field on Monday, July 25th, 1994, 7 ½ games behind the Chicago White Sox, hosting the White Sox for the opener of a four game series that would, for all intents and purposes, determine the fate of the season.

I still remember the ending of that game that night, like it happened yesterday.  The game aired on the ill-fated so-called “Baseball Network”, that ABC and NBC were splitting.  Through nine innings, it was all square at three.  In the top of the twelfth, the White Sox took the lead.

In the bottom of the twelfth, Bob Hamelin drilled Roberto Hernandez pitch to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base, and the Royals won 6-4.  They wouldn’t lose again for nearly two weeks, to move to within a game of first, before losing a couple, and the strike hit.

I mention all this, because today?  About 11:20am, when my phone went crazy during breakfast at the Second Parents house, with Twitter and MLB At Bat app updates?

I felt seventeen again.

--------------------

It was when I was twenty seven, that I lost my love for the sport.

2004.  The by far, bar none worst season in franchise history.  You want to grow to hate a team, hate a franchise, despise a sport?  Buy full season tickets for 81 freaking home games, only to have the season unfold so horrifically, that by mid May, you’re ten games out of first, and by mid July, you’re giving away your tickets for free, because you can’t endure the misery anymore.

It took ten years, to undo the damage of 2004, to make me feel seventeen again, twenty years later.

It took a “where the hell did this come from?!?!?!” run of indefensible and unexplainable proportions, last October, to undo 2004.

Although if I’m being fair and honest …

--------------------

It took one game, one pitch, one moment, to undo ten years of sports hurt and hatred, literally instantly. 

And yet … today felt different.

Because I felt thirty seven leaving that stadium, that blessed piece of concrete and dirt and turf and only God knows how many up-chucked beers out of me in that paved parking lot through the years.  I felt every inch of thirty seven, on Tuesday, October 1, 2014.

I felt seventeen again, seeing the Twitter update, this morning.

--------------------

“Gang?  The chips have been shoved to the center of the table.”

-- me, in describing (and defending) the James Shields trade, three years ago.

--------------------

Today, our Boyz N Blue, the Kansas City Royals, not just shoved the chips into the center of the table?

They flipped the sunglasses down, perfected the stone-cold sober face, and prepped for the river to emerge from the deck.

The Royals entered today as the unquestioned best team in the American League.  Best record, biggest divisional lead, over 84% playoff odds, a magic number of exactly 60 (with 72 days remaining in the season – that’s truly … hang on, I have to do this right.  (john davidson voice) That’s incredible!)

They exited the day having rocked Dallas Keuchel for five runs via four outs, leading to a 5-1 lead that not only held up, but coupled with the Twins defeat to the Yankees, dropped that magic number to 58, and grew that divisional lead to 7 ½ games.

To put this in perspective, the last time the Royals led a division by 7 ½ games?

Was at the All Star Break in 2003.

The last time the Royals were 21 games over .500 (as they currently are, at 59-38)?

Was October 1, 1989.

The Chiefs were barely six games into the Carl and Marty Years, the last time the team across the parking lot, this was unquestionably great.

All of that, is well and good.

It’s what they did in between attempting to push the chips in last night, and gaining another two in the Magic Number Derby, that has me so geeked, that has me so fired up, that has me feeling seventeen again.

--------------------

The Royals today traded for Johnny Cueto, the ace of the Reds’ staff, probably the best starting pitcher on the market, and (along with Cole Hamels) the one starter available who can alter a postseason.

The Royals got seven strong recovery innings out of Yordano Ventura today, barely seventeen hours after they got six strong recovery innings out of Danny Duffy.  The two starting pitchers who fueled last year’s surreal run?  Just turned in their two best outings of the year.

And someone better than the two of them combined at this point?

Joined the rotation today.

Because for only the second time in the last twenty years, the Royals front office and ownership group, pushed the proverbial chips into the middle of the table, in an all-out gamble, to bring that trophy with thirty flags / pennants on it, home where it belongs. 

And where it hasn’t been, since 1985.

--------------------

I’ve rarely if ever been as happy to be a Royals fan, as I am today.

My team rules the American League.  My team just landed the biggest fish in the marketplace, and yes, it cost a lot to get him – Brandon Finnegan, John Lamb, and Cody Reed.

For one of the rarest of rare times?

My team looked at the acquisition cost, and openly mouthed the words “f*ck it, we’ll pay it!”

(At least, I’d like to believe, Dayton Moore uttered those words.)

The American League favorites just got even more favorite-y today, and I’m not sure what has me harder – that the Royals are the AL Favorites, or that they just got ridiculously better?

And for the first time since I can recall being seventeen – isn’t that a good thing, to not be able to pick which outcome excites you more?

I mean, at seventeen, what gets you more geeked – sneaking up the driveway, to that girl’s window … or sneaking back down it, out of said girl’s window?

Did it really actually matter?  (Hell no it didn’t.)

What has you more geeked today, Royals fans – the fact that the Royals, our Royals, our Boyz N Blue, just risked the next three years, for one championship shot this fall … or that we’re all feeling so damned ecstatic over it, it feels like we snuck up and back down that driveway, when we were seventeen, because just like when we were seventeen, we never saw that moment coming (pun intended)?

And does it actually f*cking matter, which answer is the most correct?  J

--------------------

I guess I’ll close with this, and it’s two fold.

(1) I did not watch a second of today’s Brickyard 400.  And

(2) Of everything today meant, of everything today could possibly mean, of everything today altered, of everything today could possibly become?

The single biggest thing I kept asking, had nothing to do with today, the past, the present, or the potential future.

The only question I kept asking to every person at The Pool was “how the hell did Mr. Cueto’s parents decide on Brent, for a middle name?”

(1) was unthinkable as recently as twelve months ago.  Hell, not being at the Brickyard in person was unthinkable twenty four months ago.  I literally did not tune in for a second of the race today, although multiple TVs and multiple other media outlets were available, to follow the action.

(2) is what I love the most though.


Who the hell names their kid (first name) Brent (last name)?

Have you ever known someone with a middle name of Brent?

And I say this, as someone with a cousin named Brent, as someone with a great friend (whether he realizes it or not, I don’t hate you dude, I just hate what we’ve become, as I do so many other things, these last few years) named Brent, as someone who looks at a dude from the Dominican Republic and thinks “what’s the Spanish translation for Brent?  Wait, there isn’t one?  He's really named Brent?!?!?!?!?!”

I love it.

I freaking love it.

Just like I love everything about today, as a Royals fan, as a fan of the greatest metropolitan area the Earth has ever known (that would be us, 816 / 913 / hell I feel generous -- 785 as well), as a fan of the Boyz N Blue, as someone who is secretly hoping to attend a Double Header Day out-of-state, in a few months*.

I loved everything about today.

Loved it.

And that’s not fair.  Using a past tense verb there isn’t fair.

I LOVE today, for all it truly means.

--------------------

(*: I talked at least two tailgate members into a roadie at Minnesota on October 19th, with a side trip to Sioux Falls on October 17th (on the way up) or October 20th (on the way back).  Anyone interested in going, let’s make this happen.

Why, you ask, did I pick THAT, as the “must make” roadie this fall?  (And someone, it always falls on me, to make the call … and usually, in my defense, I nail it.)

The Twins could be hosting Game Four or Game Five of the ALCS that night … after the Chiefs do what Chiefs do, and flog the Vikings that afternoon.  The one person told about it, who is waffling on the trip (and I love ya Cindy, but come on, commit already), is the only one who saw through the true reason, to make the roadie.  “Wait – there’s a chance you’ll see both our teams play, isn’t there?”  I love the smart people in the room … even if I’ll never be one of you.)

--------------------

Today, Royals fans, our team just announced to the world that we’re in it, to win it.

The best team in the American League, just got better.

As a friend of mine on Twitter posited: “I’ve seen my team trade it’s players to get them into the playoffs.  It feels great, to be the recipient this time.

I couldn’t agree more.  I’m seventeen again – we’ve signed David Cone.  We’ve traded for Felix Jose.  We’ve announced to the world that we are in it, to win it, with today’s trade for Johnny Brent Cueto.

But The Fake Ned (the awesome Chris Kamler) put it best, by posting this classic scene from the best baseball movie ever made.

And Royals fans?

For the first time in our cognizant lives (if you're under the age of 40)?

These words not only are the truth?

Our front office, our management team, and most importantly, our ownership, believe every damned word of these said words:



"Win the whole f*ckng thing".

For the first time since I have been writing, blogging, or opining my thoughts and/or opinions into typed verbiage, I am going to invoke three words, I use for one team, and one team only, until today.

You ready?

Because today?  The arrival of Johnny Brent Cueto means one thing, and one thing only.

(stevo voice) "Season.  F*cking.  ON!!!!!!"

Friday, July 24, 2015

kickoff 2015: coaches power poll part dos ...

“The first time I saw you?
Oh!  You looked so fine!
And I had a feeling?
One day?  You’d be mine!

Honey, you came along,
And captured my heart!

Now my love is somewhere?
Lost in your kiss.
When I’m all alone?
It’s you that I miss.

Girl, a love like yours?
Is hard to resist!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh …

Penny lover?
My love’s on fire!
Penny lover?
You’re my one desire!

Tell me baby –
Could this be true?
That I could need someone,
Like I need you? …”

-- “Penny Lover” by Lionel Richie … which for as long as I compose the Mixology Playlist for Chiefs tailgating (which will be until someone else can magically fuse music as well together as I can … which ain’t happening anytime soon)? 

Will ALWAYS be the first song played at our tailgate.  If you have to ask why?

You need to ride out sometime this fall, and find out why …

--------------------

In case you missed it, here’s yesterday’s Part Uno of the 2015 Stevo’s Site Numero Dos NFL Coaches Power Poll.

Also, do you realize that I have literally increased the posting on this site by 25% on the year this week?  What a low, low, low, low, low standard bar this site sets, for giving its readers what they want!!!!!!  (Pause).  Wait, that’s a bad thing.

Here then, the Top Ten Coaches (as I deem them), in the National … Football League, entering 2015.

--------------------

10. “Sexy” Rexy Ryan, Buffalo Bills.

As a Jets fan, it pains me that we fired (arguably) the second most successful head coach in franchise history, for one sh*ttacular year.  I mean, the man won 12 games the last two years, with Geno Bleeping Smith under center!  The man won FOUR ROAD PLAYOFF GAMES with The Sanchize under center!  I dare say not even the coach who will top this poll, could win FOUR ROAD PLAYOFF GAMES with The Sanchize under center!  (Hell, that coach LOST to The Sanchize, at home, for crying out loud – the last of those four victories.)

I think Rex Ryan is a tremendous head coach.  I’ve rated him above at least 3-4 coaches many of you reading this, will think I am clinically insane, for rating him ahead of.  (And in your defense?  I probably am clinically insane.  Still.)

I just can’t rank him ahead of the remaining nine, save for possibly one, who is next up.

9. Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints.

There are those who would argue that BountyGate, and last season, took the luster off of Mr. Payton.

I’d argue he just had a sub-par year.  And I congratulate the Saints, for not panicking like Arthur Blank, and firing a damned decent coach for the sake of firing someone, for the sake of change or fanbase clamoring or whatever.

Who are you gonna hire off the street, better than Sean Payton?  (A question Falcons fans will be cursing the answer to, by about Week Six, when it comes to former coach Mike Smith.  And a question us Jets fans are already cursing the answer to.)

That’s the single biggest thing that frustrates me in sports, is the tendency to overrate one god-awful (or one God-given) season.  Here’s this site’s helpful hint, free of charge:

Unless you’re godd*mned certain you can get somebody better?  Don’t fire the devil you know.

You think john elway is actually excited at the downgrade from a coach yet to appear (and he’s still at least two spots away) to “krap of” kubiak?  (Actually, given that mr. elway is at best the False Prophet the Bible prophecies about, and in all reality he is likely the Anti-Christ?  he probably is excited over “krap of” kubiak.) 

A better question – you think your average broncos fan, is excited by this coaching change?  If I was a broncos fan?  Well, that’s a stupid question – I’m not mentally retarded.  I also don’t root for demons, or rot gut evil, which is denver at its soul – rot-gut demon-possessed evil.  But if I was a broncos fan? 

Hang on, I need to chug a handle of Jack, at that mere suggestion …

If I was a damned demon donkey fan?  I’d be IRATE at firing John Fox for “krap of” kubiak.

I know exactly one Saints fan – I work with her.  She’s perfectly fine with Sean Payton returning, under the “he’s better than anyone we could have gotten” theory that should be a given.

Besides, the man coached a team that single-handedly saved not just a franchise, but one of the greatest cities the world has ever known – the 2006 Saints.  And it did it as a blind rookie.

That HAS to count for something.

8. Omar Epps, Pittsburgh Steelers.

Excuse me.  I mean

8. Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers.

Do you realize the Chiefs had as many head coaches in thirteen months (December 2011-January 2013) as the Steelers have had since man landed on the moon?

Which franchise do you think has won six Super Bowls since man landed on the moon (while losing two others) … and which franchise do you think has won one Super Bowl (and never playing for another) in those forty six years?

Find your guy.  Sign him long term.  Then back the hell out of him no matter what.

Hell, do you realize the Steelers haven’t fired a head coach since LBJ was in the White House?

Do you realize that somehow, someday, the man I consider to be the greatest NFL head coach ever … is the WORST Steelers coach of the last 46 years, by win percentage?  That Mr. Noll’s successors keep improving on his epic .566 percentage over 22 years?  (Bill Cowher won .623 in fifteen years; Mike Tomlin is at .641 through year nine.)

Find your guy.  Sign him long term.  Then back the hell out of him no matter what.

God forbid the Red and Gold figure this out, for the first time since Marty roamed the sideline.

7. Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles.

One thing about me that I argue is highly, highly underrated – when I am absolutely, no doubt about it dead wrong? 

I own my failure, my lapse of judgment, and I admit it.

I was 100% dead f*cking wrong, about Chip Kelly.

Like I noted yesterday, I’m still a solid 4-5 weeks away from running the schedules and posting my predictions … but I’m leaning Philly to win the NFC.

I freaking love Chip Kelly.

And I have to tip the cap to “The Voice of Reason”, because if we’d have bet on Mr. Kelly’s success?  I’d owe him a boatload of money at this point.

I was wr … wr … wr … wro … wron … possibly incorrect, about Mr. Kelly’s ability to succeed in the NFL.

Winning double digit games every year of your tenure?  Speaks for itself.

6. John Fox, Chicago Bears.

He manned a defense that was so dominant, it carried Kerry Collins to a Super Bowl.  He headed a team that rode Jake Delhomme to a Super Bowl.  He rode “Our Lord and Risen Savior” Timothy R. Tebow to a division title and a playoff victory.  He milked four incredible seasons – all division title seasons, all first round bye seasons – out of a quarterback who missed a full season with basically a broken neck.

And to think – there are actual people who wonder if he’ll be successful coaching Jay Cutler.

Stevo Rule 34 applies, to those mentally challenged folks.

5. Bruce Arians, Arizona “Super” Cardinals.

If Chip Kelly gets praised for winning 20 games in 32 attempts?

Why not stand and marvel in amazement, at Mr. Arians winning 21, in those attempts?

The man had the Arizona freaking Cardinals hosting the Seahawks in prime time with one week to go, with the division and the conference on the line, with a third or fourth string QB under center.

I’d argue the only coaching mistake the Steelers have made in 46 years, is kicking Ol’ Bruce to the curb.  Christ, the man held the Colts together, coming off a 2-14 season, in which their rookie head coach is diagnosed with cancer!  With a rookie QB under center!

I’d be damned proud to have Bruce Arians coaching my team. 

That is NOT a statement I’d make, about Numero Uno on this listing.

(But you’d still fire “Fat” Andy to hire Numero Uno, right?)  Hell yes I would.

--------------------

Here we are, the Final Four.

Four AFC Coaches.  All from a different division.

One of these four, will stun you.  I think.

--------------------

4. “Fat” Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs.

Most years on this poll, he checks in, in the 3-6 range, and that seems right once again. 

Ironic that he has the exact same record, as the man who replaced him in Philly (20-12 regular season, 0-1 postseason, with a heartbreaking collapse in that postseason game).  Ironic that he is importing so many former players, just like his successor in Philly. 

For you Chiefs fans who doubt how great a coach this guy is?  Compare 2011 (so damned similar) to 2014:

2011: Chiefs lose TE Tony Moeaki in final preseason game; wrecks offensive game plan.
2014: Chiefs lose DE Mike DeVito in first game of season; wrecks DL game plan.

2011: Chiefs lose S Eric Berry on first snap of the regular season; wrecks secondary game plan.
2014: Chiefs lose LB Derrick Johnson in first game of season; wrecks running defense gameplan.

2011: Chiefs lose RB Jamaal Charles in second game of season; wrecks offensive game plan.
2014: Chiefs lose G Jeff Allen second game of the season; wrecks offensive line.

2011: Chiefs rally from 0-3 to 4-3, before collapsing to 5-8, then being eliminated at 6-9.
2014: Chiefs rally from 0-2 to 7-3, before collapsing to 8-7, then being eliminated at 9-7.

2011: Chiefs enter Week Seventeen as the only AFC West team without playoff possibilities.
2014: Chiefs enter Week Seventeen still alive with playoff possibilities.

Last year played out so similarly to 2011 – high expectations that injuries destroyed.

And yet, last year played out exactly opposite of 2011 – this team never, ever quit.

“Fat” Andy deserves a damned lot of credit for that.

3. John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens.

Wow, are there really only three head coaches in this league, I’d fire “Fat” Andy to hire?

I guess so.

Numeros Tres and Uno will make perfect sense, and I would guess 92.46% of Chiefs fans will agree – we’d fire “Fat” Andy to hire them.  (And I’m guessing a solid 72.69% of you reading this, could make a case for any other coach in this post, to fire “Fat” Andy to hire, because these are the Top Ten, after all.)

I predicted in my look-ahead at the Chiefs schedule that our game at Baltimore will be flexed into prime time.

I stand by that prediction.

And I truly hope it happens.

Because damn – “Fat” Andy against his special teams guru / coaching protégé, would be DAMNED fun to watch aftera  day of imbibing heavily.

2. Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans.

And hang on, let me duck the rotten vegetables.

Because I can hear it now.

How in the name of God Himself can you rank a second year head coach Numero Dos?

For six reasons:

6. Did you see what he did at Penn State, in the wake of (arguably) the biggest disaster to a program in NCAA FBS history (save for the Marshall plane crash)?

5. Did you see who his QBs were in Houston last year?

4. No, really – did you see who his QBs were in Houston last year?

3. Do you realize the Houston Texans were the first team out of the playoffs last year in the AFC?

2. Because I still believe in their probable starter this much … and I’m guessing Mr. O’Brien does too.

1. No, really – he followed a legend at Penn State, and somehow made it work.  He followed the only semi-successful head coach in Texans history, and improved the team by 7 wins.  He’s smart, he’s innovative, he’s not scared to take chances, he’s more than willing to risk a game on a gambit, he doesn’t give a sh*t what the public thinks, and have I mentioned, he somehow followed up Joe Paterno at Penn State, left the program in BETTER shape than the ruins … excuse me.  The (stewie griffin voice) roo-eens it was in, and not only are Penn State fans not irate he bolted after a couple years … they’re all damned grateful he gave them two years?

(Pause).

OK, fine, Numero Uno was more like sixty reasons, but still. 

I love this guy irrationally as a coach.

I am terrified of what I am going to witness on September 13th.  (If only because I think the Chiefs have to open 2-2 to win the West, and at Houston / at Cincinnati are the two most winnable, on paper, of the first four.)

You know who this guy reminds me of? 

shanarat. 

That’s NOT a good thing, Chiefs fans.

1. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots.

I think he’s an unethical cheating bastard.  I’d be morally repulsed and disgusted if he coached the Red and Gold.

(I’d also offer him a 5 year, $300 million contract if my name was Clark Hunt, to coach the Red and Gold, yesterday.)

(What, you expected anything less?  I am a Clinton Democrat for God’s sake – we’ve NEVER given a sh*t about morality or ethics – winning is the ONLY thing!)

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So that concludes your NFL Coaches Power Poll for 2015.  I cannot promise a weekend post; I hope to spend most of my weekend darkening my tan and lightening my hair, poolside.  (This stuns me actually – this is the best tan I’ve had in late July since I spent a happy summer unemployed in 2006 … and my hair hasn’t been this blonde since I used to bleach it on occasion in the early 2000s.  I may be 38, but dammit, I don’t look it!)

I plan to post a few look ahead pieces on the Chiefs in the week to come.  I refuse to promise to commit to the plan, in the interest of openness and honesty … but that’s the plan.


Until then, I give you one of my absolute favorite all-time scenes from “How I Met Your Mother” … and gee, can you feel a “27 Favorite Episodes of This Show Ever” post building … I give you … the Official Animal of Canada … a National Mascot … a “Noble Creature”:


And yes.  Yes, yes, yes -- beavers?

Are adorable creatures ...

Thursday, July 23, 2015

kickoff 2015: coaches power poll part uno ...

“It may seem to you,
That I’m acting confused,
When you’re close to me.

If I tend to look dazed?
I read it someplace –
I’ve got cause to be.

There’s a name for it.
There’s a phrase that fits.
But whatever the reason?
You do it for me!

Oh Oh!  What’s love,
Got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love,
But a second hand emotion?

What’s love, got to do,
Got to do with it?
Who needs a heart,
When a heart can be broken …”


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So if yesterday was about the State of the Blog, and “The End Game” potentially being invoked, then today should be about getting things into focus for the potential final stretch run on this site.

It’s time to truly kick off the upcoming NFL season … by hauling out the post that tends to kick off every season on this site.  It’s a tradition that began fifteen years ago on a couch in central Shawnee.  It’s a tradition that has continued every year since – originally by email, then by Site Numero Uno, and now Site Numero Dos.

Yes, peoples and peepettes – it’s time for the Stevo’s Site Numero Dos 2015 NFL Coaches Power Poll!  Please – try to contain your excitement.

Let’s review a few quick guidelines for this post, and then get to this year’s rankings, deal?  (Done and done.)

1. The higher your rank, the better the coach.  Number One is Chuck Noll awesome.  Number Thirty Two is Joe Walton / Bruce Coslet / Rich Kotite / Al Groh / Eric Mangini / Insert Crappy Jets Head Coach Here awful.

2. New coaches tend to be undervalued by me.  Sorry, but when ranking these dudes, I tend to trust the proven over the potential.

3. Wherever “Fat” Andy Reid lands in these rankings, every coach that appears after him?  I’d fire “Fat” Andy and hire that dude to coach the Chiefs.  Every coach that appears before him?  I’d give “Fat” Andy an extension to avoid hiring that dude to coach the Chiefs.

Got it?  Good.  Here we go.

(julie chen (aka “the chenbot”) voice) BUT FIRST!  Let’s flash back ten years, to explain truly and completely how Numero Tres above works.  Imagine for a moment, it’s late July / early August 2005, and you’re on the distribution list, that gets my Chiefs related writings, and bammo, the 2005 Coaches Power Poll lands in your inbox.

If you remember me ten years ago (and this really hasn’t changed much, to be honest), you would know that I despised the Richard A. Vermeil reign of error here in Kansas City.  I was not a fan of Ol’ Dicky.  (Although I am a fan of his line of fine wines.  The man is an overrated coach … but one helluva winemaker.)

So let’s run through the list of NFL head coaches in 2005, to see how many (if any) I’d let Tricky Dicky V go, in order to hire.  This, folks?  Should convince you of at least two things, and one of those is “my God, there were some sh*tty ass head coaches ten years ago in this league!”

(The other?  Sometimes my personal bias, isn’t a good thing.)

If the answer after a coach is “Yes”, then I’d fire Mr. Vermeil to hire that dude.  If the answer is “No”, then I wouldn’t.  Trust me – you’re gonna be stunned how great Run RAV looks in hindsight.

Patriots: Bill Belichick.  Yes.
Dolphins: Nick Saban.  No.
Jets: Herm Edwards.  Yes.
Bills: Mike Mularkey.  Uuh, no thank you.
Bengals: Marvin Lewis.  Absolutely not.
Browns: Coach Buffoon (aka Romeo Crennel).  Hell.  F*cking.  No.
Ravens; Brian Billick.  Yes.
Steelers: Bill Cowher.  No.  But a tough call.
Colts: Tony Dungy.  Tougher call … but no.
Texans: Dom Capers.  Not a chance in hell.
Jaguars: Jack “Of The River”.  That’s a no.
Titans: Jeff Fisher.  No.
“Super” Chargers: Marty Schottenheimer.  No.
broncos: mike shanarat.  Hell yes.
raiders: Norval Eugene Turner.  Hell no.
Giants: Tom Coughlin.  2005 Tommy?  No.
Eagles: “Fat” Andy Reid.  Yes.
Cowboys: Bill Parcells.  Gun to my head … yes.
Redskins: Joe Gibbs.  2005 Joey?  No.
Bears: Lovie Smith.  No.
Packers: Mike Sherman.  Absolutely not.
Vikings: Mike “Meathead” Tice.  Is this a joke?  No!
Lions: Steve Mariucci.  2005 Stevie?  No.
Saints: Jim Haslett.  Never.
Bucs: Jon Gruden.  Absolutely yes.
Panthers: John Fox.  Without question, yes.
Falcons: Jim Mora Jr.  No.
49ers: Mike Nolan.  No on every day that ends in Y.
Rams: Mike Martz.  No way, no how.
Seahawks: Mike Holmgren.  2005 Mikey?  Yes.
“Super” Cardinals: “Drunk” Dennis Green.  Nope.

Dick Vermeil would have rated tenth in the 2005 Coaches Poll.  An upper third coach, and I’ll freely grant, two of my “Yes” votes (Holmgren, Parcells), I could rank Mr. Vermeil ahead of, even at the time, without ten years of hindsight.

Just goes to show you.

And now, the 2015 Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Coaches Power Poll.

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32. Jim “Corpse” Caldwell, Detroit Lions.  I know the Lions made the playoffs last year.  I know they won 11 games.  I know Ol’ Corpse has made a Super Bowl, once opened a season 14-0, and somehow drew up the thrilling, awe-inspiring play that forced overtime at fake mile high three years ago, the eighty yard bomb to Jacoby Jones. 

He’s also the dude who couldn’t win 35% of his games at Wake Forest (while his successor routinely took Wake to upper tier bowls, including a BCS berth).  He’s also the dude who opened 0-13 without peyton in 2011, blew that 14-0 season at home to The Sanchize, lost a home playoff game to The Sanchize, lost a Super Bowl thanks to an onside kick recovery, and blew a gigantic lead in the wildcard game at Dallas last year.

In short, Ol’ Corpse would lose the pooch if he let said pooch out to pee.  I don’t want this man within 500 miles of Arrowhead Stadium … unless he’s on the opposing sideline.  Which, sadly, thanks to the idiocy of playing football in London, we may never get to witness in our lifetimes.

31. Joe “Regis” Philbin, Miami Dolphins.  Three years, three disappointing finishes.  The good news for Dolphins fans, is that year four is likely the last one.  The bad news for Dolphins fans?  Given the craptacular coaching hires of the post-Shula years?  “Regis”’ replacement is likely to be worse.

30. gary “krap of” kubiak, denver broncos.  I’m still a solid four, five weeks away from running the schedules and making my season predictions, but I’m going to make one right here, right now.

The denver broncos will not post a record better than 6-10 this season.

And I’m going to make a second prediction, free of charge.

peyton manning will be seen at least once this season verbally b*tch slapping “krap of” kubiak on the sideline, for his utter and total rank incompetence as a coach.

And hell, I’ll throw in a third, just for sh*ts and giggles.

Wade “Son of Bum” Phillips will snag his FOURTH interim gig, by Week Fifteen.  (After being the interim in Atlanta, Houston, and Dallas.)

I have a feeling I am really, really, really going to enjoy this denver broncos implosion … I mean, season, this fall.

29. Todd Bowles, New York J! E! T! S! Jets Jets Jets!

I hated this hire six months ago.

I hate it more today.

The Jets have had exactly three* even semi-competent coaches in my lifetime – Bill Parcells, Herm Edwards, and Sexy Rexy Ryan.

Todd Bowles will not be the fourth addition to that list.

(*: technically, Bill Belichick coached the Jets for two days.  At the time, however, semi-competent would have been praise for Mr. Belichick.  I prefer “rat bastard traitor” myself to describe the forty some odd hours of the Belichick Era.  But I’m ok with “semi-competent rat bastard traitor”.)

28. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars.

You Shane Falco-ns fans who think Dan Quinn is the answer?

Might want to look a few hours to the southeast, and start asking a different question.

27. Mike Pettine, Cleveland Browns.

I’d like to feel sorry for Browns fans … but when your owner is a convicted felon, your taxpayers are too damned cheap to pay to keep the alleged city franchise twenty years ago with a new stadium, and you keep hiring such inspired hires as Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Coach Buffoon, Eric Mangini, and Mike Pettine?  I don’t feel sorry for you.  You get what you deserve.

26. Jim Tomsula, San Francisco 49ers.

True story time!  And I’ve told this one before, so if you’ve heard it, I apologize for a fiftieth time … but one of the five or six happiest moment of my Chiefs fandom life was a random afternoon in January 1999, when as I left the beautiful environ of Lyons, Kansas, the radio station I was listening to broke in to carry the presser where Gunther Cunningham was hired as the Chiefs head coach.  I had to pull over to the side of the highway, I was crying so hard.  And they were tears of joy.

I’m rooting for Mr. Tomsula like I rooted for Gunther.  I fear it’s going to end, like it did for Ol Confident and Classy.

25. Dan Quinn, Atlanta Falcons.

See Number 28, Falcons fans.  That’s your fate.

24. Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins.

I refuse to believe Jay Gruden is this bad.  He gets one last crack before dropping into the 30s.

23. Lovie Smith, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

I refuse to believe Lovie Smith is this incompetent.  He’s one more indefensible season away from reaching “Corpse” Caldwell territory.

22. Tom Coughlin, New York Giants.

Before you question my sanity, this is a 2015 ranking.  Not 2000, not 2010 – 2015.  The Giants have been thoroughly outmatched and outcoached the last two years, and haven’t made the playoffs in three years. 

Which, come to think of it, is damned near exactly what happened from 2008-2010, after the Giants prior Super Bowl victory … and then in 2011, a weak Giants team turned it on in January after backing into the postseason.

Ol’ Tom might be six spots too low, on second thought.

21. Ken Whizenhunt, Tennessee Titans.

For those who doubt that Kurt Warner has Hall of Fame credentials?  (And for the record, I’m one of you, although if I was a voter and he came up, I’d vote yes.)  He virtually single-handedly carried two coaches to millions of dollars their coaching acumen didn’t deserve.  Mike Martz … and Ken Whizenhunt.  That’s the narrative entering 2015.

I am in the (possibly not a) minority, however, who thinks Marcus Mariota is gonna be a massive success in this league.  And I think Ken Whizenhunt’s gameplan plays perfectly to his strengths.  Tennessee is one of my sleepers, pre-running the schedules, for 2015.  If I’m right about that, then Mr. Whizenhunt will get an extension in five months.  If I’m wrong?  He’ll simply become the latest victim of Mr. Obama’s economic “recovery”, about six months from now.

20. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers.

I’m aware he’s won a Super Bowl.  So did Barry Switzer.  I’m aware he made a second Super Bowl.  George Seifert made two as well.  I’m aware he’s a routine playoff participant.  So were Wayne Fontes and Dave Wannstedt.  Would you hire ANY of those four men to oversee your franchise?  (And please, ignore the fact I irrationally love Wayne Fontes – even I wouldn’t hire him to oversee the Chiefs.)

Favre.  Rodgers.  That’s what makes the Packers the team they’ve been the last twenty years.  (Plus Reggie White, rest in peace.)  I’ll give Mr. McCarthy credit – he doesn’t screw the proverbial pooch and mess with what ain’t broken.  A lesson a few coaches left to appear, could certainly stand to learn, before it’s too late.

19. “Riverboat” Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers.

Two straight division titles, in a division that saw a team go worst-to-first four straight years before last year.  Got his first playoff win against an overmatched “Super” Cardinals squad last January, before giving the Seahawks three decent quarters, on the road, in prime time, in the divisional round.

I’m not sure what to think of this guy yet.  Hence landing damned near in the middle.  He’s good enough to get you to January.  I’m not sold yet on him being good enough, to get you to February.

And if you can’t get your team to February?  You have no business coaching my favorite team.

18. Mike McCoy, San Diego “Super” Chargers.

We have officially reached “The Moment” in this poll.  “The Moment” being, EVERY coach from Mr. McCoy onward, I’d be ok with coaching the Kansas City Chiefs. 

Doesn’t mean I’d be thrilled by it – the next three coaches, plus Mr. McCoy, I wouldn’t be at all happy about, coaching the Red and Gold.  But I could at least accept it.  I wouldn’t revolt against it.

Two mediocre seasons so far in San Diego … and yet, a team coming down off a top-heavy run, trying to rebuild on the fly and stay competitive?  I admire the job Mike McCoy has done so far.

He’s a riser.  And in the words of Dierks Bentley, I’d really admire him if he’s “getting drunk on a plane”.

17. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals.

I have to laugh at Bengals fans b*tching about Mr. Lewis’ 0-4 playoff record.

Y’all are aware you’ve gone LONGER than the Chiefs, since you last won a playoff game?

And that you were the laughingstock of the league for ten plus years?

Marvin Lewis has made the league’s worst franchise not just respectable, and not just a perennial playoff team, he’s gotten them popular enough to score 3-4 prime time contests a year.

As Metallica would note: “careful what you wish – you might regret it.  Careful what you wish – you just might get it!”

16. Jeff Fisher, St. Louis Rams.

At the risk of getting physically b*tch slapped by my Second Mother when she reads this … Mr. Fisher is THE most overrated head coach in the NFL.

Twenty years as a head coach in the NFL.  (To be fair, I’m only counting 19, as Year One was as an interim after Jack Pardee was fired in Houston.)

In those nineteen full seasons?  Six playoff berths.  Six winning seasons.  (Yes, every year ABOVE .500?  Mr. Fisher makes the playoffs).

Of the other thirteen seasons?  NINE were .500, or within a game of it.  Two more went 6-10, another 5-11, his rock bottom was 4-12.

He’s a perfectly mediocre, middle of the road coach.  Your team will never outright suck under his watch … and it rarely if ever will dominate the conference.

And go figure – he lands squarely at the midpoint, of this Power Poll.

15. Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys.

THIS?  Is THE hardest placement in the Power Poll.

I happen to love Jason Garrett as a coach.  And I’m thrilled that Jerry Jones has given him the time to grow into the job.  (Probably because Mr. Jones sees the same positive traits in him, that I see – namely, he not only never quits or gives up hope?  He NEVER blames anyone but himself, when he fails.  I ADMIRE people like that.)

But with one exception, the coaches that are left?  I cannot justify ranking Mr. Garrett ahead of.  And that coach is appearing next.

14. Jack “Of The River”, oakland raiders.

Perhaps the 2007 run in the playoffs overrates Del Rio for me … but sorry.  You roll into The Ketchup Bottle and throttle the Steelers, then roll into Foxboro and are within four with fifteen to go against the only 16-0 team in my lifetime?  You know what you’re doing.  Especially when David Bleeping Garrard is your quarterback.

Perhaps it’s watching his denver defense the last couple years in action.  That Sunday nighter at Arrowhead last year – so many would argue denver won that game in the first eight minutes.  (That number includes me.)  So many would argue it was satan carving up the Chiefs secondary that did it.  (I’m not in that number.)

It was “Of The River’s” defense that won that game inside the first twenty minutes – and clearly won it, when the Chiefs were still very much in it, down 13, midway through the fourth, but driving deep in denver territory, when the denver d forced a turnover that ended all hope … just like turnovers ended most hope three hours earlier.

oakland with a competent head coach frightens me.

Jack Del Rio is competent.

Circle me frightened.

Because if he has the balls to turn derek carr loose …

13. Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings.

I apologize to every Vikings fan.

Next year?  He’ll be at least five spots higher.

12. Chuck “Strong” Pagano, Indianapolis Colts.

Probably four spots too low.

11. Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks.

Yes, he’s made two straight Super Bowls, and won one of them.

The Jets fan in me cannot dismiss 1994.  The man LOST the “Fake Spike” game to Dan Marino.  His team fell for a fake spike.

And yet somehow, the throw at the goalline in the Super Bowl was the “worst playcall” of his career?

In the words of the late Nell Carter: “gimme a break!”

And now … for the Top Ten.

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Which is coming tomorrow.

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The coaches left, coach the Patriots, Bills, Steelers, Ravens, Texans, Chiefs, Eagles, Bears, Saints, and "Super" Cardinals (although not quite in that order ... although it's DAMNED close.)

The remaining ten coaches include:

* Four former Super Bowl winning coaches.
* Two more coaches who coached in (and lost) Super Bowls.
* THE brightest star in the coaching circuit right now (and I’d argue, deservedly so … even if “The Voice of Reason” will rub it in my face, at how wrong I was about "Kip Chelly" making it at the pro level).
* Of the three remaining not mentioned above, one is the second brightest star in the coaching circuit right now, one has overachieved ridiculously in his first two years on the job, and the other should never have had to move six hours across the state, this offseason.

Those ten?  Come tomorrow.


Same bat time … same bat channel …

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Lastly, tonight -- let me address a comment "The Voice of Reason" made to me today, about yesterday's post.  

(And in fairness to said Voice of Reason, he was one of three people, to email me the same basic theme, of "let "The Family" go; it's not worth lamenting or obsessing over".)

I know a few of you who read this site regularly -- or at least on occasion -- were fans of "How I Met Your Mother".  As I was.

Season 9, Episode 17, entitled "Sunrise", explains why I feel as I do.  And I quite frankly don't care how anyone takes this -- it's how I feel about each and every godd*mned person, I have EVER counted as a friend.

It's Ted's comments to Robin, on the beach, as the sun begins to rise, on the day he's dreaded above all others, the day he has to let her go, to his (ostensible) best friend.  As he so perfectly stated to crazy Jeanette on that bridge in Central Park:


(and here's the kicker)

"That?  Would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for!  But that?  Is NOT what this is!"

As I said last night -- tell me where I'm wrong, to feel as I do.  Either friendship is worth fighting for, no matter what ... or how the f*ck can you call it a friendship?  How can you call a relationship great, if its not worth sacrificing damned near everything, to save it?

I guess my way of saying, I want my locket back ...

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

the state of the blog: "the end game" ...

“All through the night.
I’ll be awake, and I’ll be with you.
All through the night.
This precious time?  When time is new?

Oh!  All through the night to day,
Knowing that we feel the same,
Without saying …

We have no past!
We won’t reach back!
Keep with me,
Forward, all through the night!

And once we start?
The meter clicks!
And it goes running
All through the night!

Until it ends?
There is no end …”


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Seven years ago today, this site was launched.

The initial post wasn’t much to read; more of a “hey, welcome friends!” post to announce its arrival.  From that initial post – 811* of them ago – this site has evolved into what it is.  Which is … uuh, what it is.

It’s a site heavy on recaps of real life events – because that’s what drives my passion, is experiencing life with so many of you, and posting a reflection of my thoughts so that forever long this incredible invention of Al Gore known as the Internet remains relevant, the pertinent details, the funny moments, the awesome moments, and yes, even the painful lows, along with the euphoric highs, are there to relive any time you or I want to.

It’s a site heavy on opinion – namely, mine.  If you don’t know who and/or what I am by now, then click on the bio at the top of the page.  I haven’t changed in 38 ½ years, save for a few minor modifications.  I despise hypocrisy, I despise incompetence, and I despise double standards, almost as much as I enjoy commenting on those things, and pointing them out.

(Hey – love me or hate me, at least I have a pair, and I’m not scared to use them.)

It’s a site occasionally filled with the trivial “why not” post – my favorite songs at that moment in time, the TV Theme Song Tournament (which is possibly the most fun I’ve ever had in creating a post), the eight worst seasons in television history of a show I loved, the twenty seven best episodes of my favorite show of all time, hell – even the occasional “this moved me and I wanted to share it” moment.

(Oh – and a post explaining, and defending, why “Saturday Night Fever” is my favorite movie of all time.  That might be my second funnest post I’ve ever typed.)

This site is Chiefs-centric.  I am not going to take the time to go back and add up the stats, but I’d guess at least one out of every three posts is about the Red and Gold in some manner.

This site is personal, as in focused on me.  I’ve refused to hide from my issues, or hide them from you.  (Well, for the most part.)  This site’s most read post – and nothing else is still within 500 clicks of it nearly three years later – was my recap of the Chiefs / Panthers game … which in reality was me revealing for the first time, what a few of you suspected, at least some of you were sure of, but none of you could verify – that suicide is real, that pain is real, and that when the pain of emotion confronts the option of suicide?

Sometimes it takes God Himself, to save you from yourself.

Oh -- and this site?  Now, then, and always?  Will continue for as long as I post to it, to remain your must-read go-to destination site for NFL and NCAA Tournament gambling predictions.  Because if I’m betting on your squad to win?  Load up on the enemy. 

(As always, that is my public service to you gambling addicts in the crowd.  You’re welcome.)

If – emphasis on if – if those things were truly what this site was about?  It’d be cool, it’d be neat, it’d be readable.  If those things were what this site was about? 

Then the State of this Blog would be rock solid, as it enters Year Ocho of its existence.

Only, those things?  Aren’t what this site is about.  At least not at its core.

Which is why the State of this Blog … is on life support.

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(*: technically, according to the statistics, this is post 811.  It does not include the post from two summers ago, when I posted about 30% of the indefensible wrong two “friends” did to me, over the span of 206 days.  The ONLY regret I have regarding this site, after seven years, 812 actual posts, at least that many that I opted not to post, and countless “will you please stop swearing so much?  You’re a fun read and I love you, but you don’t have to drop the f bomb for emphasis all the time!” feedback from my mommy?

The ONLY regret I have, is taking that post down.  I shouldn’t have taken it down; I should have perma-linked it in the masthead, to ensure every person who ever drunkenly or soberly stumbles here, could see those two for who they proved to be.)

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This is only the 11th post of 2015.  After posting 800 in the first six and a half years (or roughly 132 posts / year), I’m 10 in, as summer is peaking.

I could offer up any number of excuses as to why.  My job is ruining … excuse me.  Let me try that again.  My job is (stewie griffin voice) roo-eening my free time.  I’ve taken on some additional roles and responsibilities that have expanded my typical workday into the 10-11 hour range. 

My physical health is in serious crisis.  Well, not “you’re about to drop dead” serious, but I’ve never felt worse in my life than I did for most of May into June into early July.  I finally broke down and went to the doctor, the pain in my abdomen was so severe, I literally was crying, it hurt so much.  I was diagnosed as having a few things wrong with me, the most important of which is this condition known as diverticulitis.  For those of you who know what that is?  You are probably rolling on the floor, laughing your asses off right now, at me having that affliction.

For those of you who have no idea what diverticulitis is?  I’m going to give you five seconds to swallow whatever libation you’re enjoying while reading this, to put down any objects you could drop or use to hurt yourself, and then, when this paragraph ends, I’ll put it as distinctly as I told my folks (who didn’t know what this illness is).

Ready?

(ted mosby voice) Kids?  I’m literally full of sh*t.

No, really – I am literally filled with sh*t.

My colon cannot (or will not, lazy bastard) process waste correctly.  As a result, it backs up, and eventually, when it has nowhere else to go (since you can’t poop no matter how hard you try, because there’s no poop to expel), the crap in you seeps into other body organs (mainly the stomach), and it destroys your appetite, causes intense pain in your midsection, and makes you so miserable you simply cry from the pain.

Thankfully, it’s treatable, and I’m on a healthy regiment of anti-biotics and fiber pills, and they’re working.  But still, pray you never develop this.  Because it hurts like hell.

I could claim writers block, or a lack of topics that interest me – both of which are true – but that’s just more excuse making.

And why make excuses, when there is a perfectly plausible, reasonable, rational, sensible reason for my silence on this site?

And that reason, is that this site has lost its guiding light.  It’s lost its compass, it’s focus.

It’s lost what it truly, at its heart, was all about.

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Truth be told, I’ve been thinking about a post like this, since I composed and posted “The Picture” last Thanksgiving weekend.  That post, someday, when this site is nothing more than a repository of the past, with no present or future, will be what I point to as the catalyst, in what has caused me to believe it is time to launch “The End Game” for this site.

“The Picture” actually was written, edited, and proofed a full week before I posted it.  I composed it on the drive up to Sioux Falls for the raiders game get-away.  I edited it at night that weekend, and pretty much finished writing it on the ride home when the weekend was over.  And then, I let it sit for a week.

See, that weekend hit me raw.  It’s probably why I’ve never posted Part Two of that weekend, because as much fun as that entire weekend was, it also just hammered home what’s missing on this site, and has been for quite a while now.

This site, at its core, was about … well, let’s back up a moment.  Because so much of what’s changed?  Is unavoidable.  It’s progress, and it’s a good thing, really!

So many of you who are not just friends, but family, co-workers, drinkin’ buddies, tailgating compadres, even in a few cases “I respect you too much to not tolerate you, because you’re too damned good at what you do not to tolerate you” acquaintances, have seen life change for you in epic, memorable, life-altering ways.

My nephew was born five months before this site launched.  He’s had two amazing sisters added since then.  So many more of you, have seen you find “The One” (at least for now) and settle down to establish a family.  “The Voice of Reason”, “bts”, “The Perpetual Intern”, Damien, “MS Moment” and Vince.  So many more of you have seen your careers launch into ridiculous success – my brother, my cousin Brooke, my great buddy Jasson.  (Here’s where I note, I don’t throw the word “great” around, very often.  This will matter, possibly, eventually, in this post.  If I ever get, to where I’m trying to get to with it.)

I not only have re-connected with a lot of former co-workers and friends from my previous employer (Transamerica), I spend every day interacting with so many of you, I never thought I’d see again, save for a “what are the bleeping odds” moment.  Friends like Dale, and Joe, and my boss Kathy.  People like Joey and John and Madeline, like the greatest administrative assistant ever in Pat, to Kyle and Ed, and Geoff.

Hell, I’ll even through my ultimate boss into that grouping – Dave would be the “we despise each other, but respect each other” person in the above comments.  (In fairness, I think he’d say the same thing about me – I can’t stand Stevo, but he’s too damned good at what he does, to let my bias interfere with my evaluation – that I say about Dave, every day.  He’s DAMNED good at what he does, and I’m damned proud to work for him.  Even if I can’t stand him 92.46% of the time … and the feeling is mutual.)

I’ve seen co-workers downsized, that I love so much, I can’t quit them.  My former boss Steve.  The awesome Carol.  My teammate for life (and friend until we’re welcomed through the gates of some afterlife) Penny, and her partner, “That DeHart Guy”.  I love my bowling league teammates and friends, so many of which I see every day. 

I love the co-workers I gained nine years ago on July 10th, that I still get to enjoy every day.  Lucy, Brad, Mary, Pat, Courtney.  Diana and Heather and Courtney and Dusti (who saves my ass every day in that job.)  I love the “smart people on the floor”, as I call them, in Actuarial, I shoot the sh*t with every day.  Jarow (who’s as p*ssed as I am, at the lack of a STH sticker in the mailing this year from the Chiefs).  Kyle and Bryan.  “Bill” O’Brien. 

I need Shannon’s inappropriate joke of the day.  I need Deneece’s “I need to smoke, (insert person here) is getting punched if I don’t” moment.  Wes and Mitch deserve their own sitcom.  It cannot possibly be worse than “Two Broke Girls”.  Especially if Wendy gets to play the wacky neighbor role.

I love that while I don’t see them every day (or, uuh, ever), so many friends from Transamerica remain friends.  Phil and I can shoot the sh*t about baseball anytime.  Ditto Scotty.  Brett and Shannon are the best couple I know.  Hadley and Shari are at worst the third best couple I know. 

I love the friends tailgating has added.  My South Dakota Peeps – Ian and Angie, Rudy and Heidi, Ron and Becky, Adam.  The Omaha folks, Jeff and Paula.  (Or, as they were known for nearly three years on this site, “Tony and Lisa”.)  I love that even the tailgating folks who’ve moved on are still good for a game or three a year, to show up and simply say hello – Tyler and Will, “Joe Knows” Football and Robert (I expect – and demand – an invite to the wedding when it goes down, long, long overdue gentlemen).  Davey and Tracey, Tony and Jennifer, Debbie and Beth.  I miss the one we lost in Bill, and will never fail to say hello to Vessie, as I arrive at the pool.

I love the friends tailgating has maintained and enhanced!  Russ and Mona, my second parents.  I’d take a bullet for either.  Anthony and Jaimmie.  Clint and Miranda and Paul and Chesney and Michael and another Paul and insert random I’m missing here.

I am so damned appreciative that both my parents are still here, along with every relative that was, when this site began.  Every cousin – Brian, Brent, Brad, Brooke, Jordan, Kristin, Spencer.  Every aunt and uncle – Gail, Bruce, Marsha, Bill, Sandy, and even Geno.  I love that family?  Is intact.

The above paragraphs – which really don’t go far enough?  Is why this site needs to enter “The End Game”.

Because It’s not what been changed for the better, that has this site on life support, in my (rarely) humble opinion.  I wouldn’t wish change to any of you, from what you have.

And it’s not the fact that I feel like a failure most of the time, compared to all of you, that has me feeling as I do about this site.  Yes, I do feel like a failure.  Part of it is just what society demands.  I’m 38 and single … yet I don’t want kids.  Good luck finding something other than a one-night stand in my age bracket and desire for life.  I’m not career focused … but I’m always willing to set aside my personal wants, for the corporate needs, if that makes sense.  (It’s probably why, as I finish proofing and editing this, I am logged in running reports from home, to send out in the morning to the various reinsurers I issued payments to today.)

My lack of success (in the eyes of the world … and most of the time, in my eyes too) isn’t what makes me want to impose “The End Game”.  The success of so many of you, isn’t it either.

It’s what ISN’T here anymore, that fuels it.

And that’s what “The Picture” hammered home.

--------------------

What makes me think “The End Game” is in sight, is the loss of three people, I naively thought were friends.

“The Ex”, “The Champ”, and “The Chica”.

If “The Picture” was the post that hammered home just what has been lost?


--------------------

True story: in late March (may have been really early April; I forget which weekend I mailed it), I sent Dusty and Kellie a gift for their son’s first birthday.  I thought I would try one last time, to take the high road.  I thought I would try, for one last time, to get them to see what they’ve intentionally and deliberately thrown away, for reasons known only to them.

(Since, in fairness to them, they have refused all 46 requests made of me, to them, to talk this out, and counting.)

This was the response I received, when they mailed the gift back to me:




(The “regards” comment actually makes me laugh.  If any of you have any doubt left as to who Dusty and Kellie Jones really are?  Here’s your answer.  This?  Is the REAL them.  On Kellie’s stationary, in Dusty’s handwriting.  I’ll leave it to you “Clue” fans to figure out which room, this abortion of a note was written in.  Any mentally challenged person out there who still believes the Jones' pathological lies, that this wasn't personal, and was only about a bowling team?  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 6, via SnagIt 10.)

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True story: in October, I got a Facebook email from “The Ex”, informing me she literally had nowhere to go, and could I put her up for a couple days.

It took me a solid 12 hours to be talked into it … but I invited her in.  Six weeks later – go figure, the day she was supposed to begin repaying me for all the hundreds of dollars I loaned and floated her over those six weeks – she disappeared, and took off for Florida, where at last check she still was:


(image credit: me, via SnagIt 10.)

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Those two reasons, more than any other, readers, is why I think it’s time to implement “The End Game”, and set a finish date for this site, probably after posting a Chiefs in Review post in early 2016.

Because the “Core Four” this site truly was about at its peak?

Is down to only one, who gives a flying f*ck, about the other three.

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So convince me I’m wrong.

That’s how I close the “State of the Blog” to open Year Ocho.

Convince me I’m wrong.

Convince me what has been GAINED these last seven years, outweighs what has been LOST.

I’m giving you a comments section.  I’ll give you a Facebook email (teamtito15), a Twitter link (@teamtito15), an email link (teamtito15@(pick one) yahoo.com or gmail.com.  Approach me in person.  Contact me however you want to.

If you want this site to continue beyond this Chiefs season, then convince me to stick around.

Because the State of this Blog is not just on life support, I quite frankly don’t see how it recovers, absent a reason to recover that doesn’t yet exist.

This site has lost its heart.  

I fear if I continue to dwell on losing its heart, it'll lose its soul.

So please, convince me I'm wrong.

Convince me there's a future.

That's the State of the Blog, 2015.  Year Ocho has dawned.  Give me one damned good reason, to see year Nueve, readers, friends, and fellow "whoa, this is decent reading when you're pushing a .23 BAC" people among us ...

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