I'll skip the usual theme song and/or video ...
* Sunday, 2:07pm CT, Titans at Chiefs. It is -- and I know this could be said about last year's AFC Title Game too, but whatever -- this is, simply put, THE biggest game of my Chiefs fandom, and I just turned 43 years old.
Because for the first time? The Chiefs have no excuse to lose, one step short of a Super Bowl.
In 1994, they faced the last gasp of the Bills AFC Dynasty ... a gasp that proved successful.
In 2019, they faced the greatest coach / quarterback combo, on arguably their last gasp, with one hell of a tight end to boot ... a gasp that proved successful.
In 2020? They face a fired quarterback, a former Chiefs linebacker turned Titans coach, and a running back that owes Tyrann Mathieu a sh*t ton of back rent.
Sunday, peoples and peepettes? Is going to be the greatest party this fine city has ever thrown. And it is going to be real, and it is going to be spectacular.
* So the plan is a post a day, until GameDay, like last week. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're godd*mned right I'm within shouting distance of Post 1,000! (It's eight away after this one.)
I have half the recap of Sunday done -- I have everything through tailgating, and my thoughts on the second quarter. I still have to deal with the opening quarter debacle, and Eric Fisher channeling his "Stone Cold" Steve Austin so brilliantly (plus a few other things). I hope to have that done tomorrow, but my work schedule is a b*tch right now, so I can only work on this place before or after the job I get paid to do. So it may be Wednesday before that is up. (But it will go up. Sunday needs to be preserved for the ages, if nothing else, from my perspective.)
* If I can chug enough shiraz, I might try to look back at "Fat" Andy Reid's title game performances. Emphasis on "if"; I'm not sure there's enough red wine in the five-county metropolitan area to look back at a 1-5 (so far) mark of abject failure.
* On the other hand, this is "Fat" Andy Reid's seventh conference championship game (five in Philly, two here). To put that into perspective? "Fat" Andy has made as many conference championship games in his twenty one years as a head coach (seven) ... as seasons he has missed the playoffs (seven). So basically, he's a one in three shot to reach a title game when the season kicks off ... and a one in two shot to make it there, if his team is playing in January. That is f*cking incredible.
* I'll just go ahead and ask it, assuming a couple outcomes on Sunday: will Kansas City implode on itself from 2,400,000 plus people simultaneously laughing out loud, when Dee Ford jumping offsides on a 3rd and 4 with 0:39 left, hands the Chiefs a 38-34 victory over the 49ers in the Super Bowl? I mean seriously, can two and a half million people laughing so hard at the same time they (justin timberlake voice) cry (us) a new river through Midtown, cause buildings to collapse? Cause traffic signals and regulations to cease to exist? I really hope we get to find out in twenty days.
* No word yet on a menu and/or game plan for Sunday. Just please be polite to my buddy Andrew coming in for this one. He's about the biggest Titans fan you'll ever meet. He's dropped more for his ticket, than I'm paying for mine. (#stmperks) He's also driving 8 hours in (projected) miserable weather on Friday, to be here. Whatever one may think of "the enemy", you HAVE to respect a dude who is literally risking his job, to be here for his team's shot at a Super Bowl. I'd have done that when I was 25 (like Andrew is ... no wait, he just turned 26, my bad).
I'm not sure I'd do that at 43 ... well hell, of course I would, only thank God Monday is a holiday for us controlled by the accounting, finance, and/or banking industry.
* If I Could Pick The Ceremonial Drummer Sunday, It Would Be Marty Schottenheimer. I know he can't do it physically and mentally (godd*mmit), but he'd be my choice if there was even a 2.49% chance of it working. Having said that, Bill Cowher honoring his greatness Saturday night, when he was notified on the pregame show on CBS that Mr. Cowher had made the Hall of Fame? Moved me to tears.
* Finally, there were two moments from yesterday that made me simply have to (literally) take a seat, because the moment overwhelmed me.
One was during tailgating. (You'll have to wait for the recap ... and at least three of you (possibly? hopefully? drunkenly? Since it involved you) reading this, can guess the moment without even thinking about it * .
The other one?
Was the most underrated moment in yesterday's comeback.
The only person who seems to have noticed it so far, is Bill Barnwell. (As always -- just assume anyone Bill Simmons hired for the late, great Grantland, is way too qualified for their job.)
And that second "I had to sit and think" moment, probably deserves a spot in my all-time "What If Game" moments that is ten years overdue to be updated.
Because "What If Bill O'Brien Uses His Pair and Goes For It On Fourth and One, Instead of Kicking The Gimme Field Goal That Opened Up the Back Door To the Comeback Of The Year?"
--------------------
(*: I apologize for nothing of how I felt, at the four of us realizing, we have been amazing ... (sh*t, I'm tearing up) ... amazing, incredible friends for damned near our entire lives ... well over half of them in all cases ... and that realization, just brought the conversation to a deader silence than you could imagine. Sometimes, you just have to step back and realize ** , how amazing God is, to give us this gift we call "life" ... and more importantly, just give thanks for those of us, He chooses to let us share it with.)
(**: one of my most underrated posts ever.)
-------------------
Until tomorrow, just be you. Unless if it violates criminal law. Then ... don't be me. (Rimshot!)
In all seriousness, just be you.
You are who God made you to be.
And these Chiefs?
Are who God made them to be.
Or at least I hope so ...
Showing posts with label gameday plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gameday plans. Show all posts
Monday, January 13, 2020
Thursday, January 9, 2020
three days out
"My eyes are open wide;
And by the way?
I made it through the day.
I watched the world outside;
And by the way?
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's comet;
She waved, and said
Why're you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon
Disappeared?
Somewhere in the stratosphere!
Tell my mother!
Tell my father!
That I've done the best I can
To make them realize --
This is my life!
I hope they understand!
I'm not angry.
I'm just saying?
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance ...
-- "Second Chance" by Shinedown.
--------------------
Not many status updates to report today ... namely, none.
I had to work late, so I missed the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead at the JC Nichols Fountain. (Dammit.)
But, if you have a few spare dollars, someone I've bought a lot of Chiefs artwork off of, Chris Sembower, is this week's artist for the GameDay poster the Chiefs are selling, and it is spectacular:
If you've got a few spare bucks (namely, about thirty of them), feel free to send some his way, via the Chiefs Team Store.
And now, today's post: a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's rebounds, his second chances.
Which, on fifth glance?
Aren't as bad as the first four glances, made them look to me ...
--------------------
2013:
We're not off to a great start here. "Fat" Andy only won one rematch out of four, and it was against the lowly oakland raiders. Having said that ... the Chiefs had nothing to play for in Week Sixteen (vs Colts) or Week Seventeen (at "Super" Chargers), as those people had already clinched the division, and the "battle" for the six seed was so ugly the Chiefs were locked into the five seed in Week Fifteen. So losing the first round to Indy, and the rematch to the "Super" Chargers doesn't bother me at all. "Fat" Andy played those games right: you try to win, but play the backups and rest up for the game that counts.
But oh brother, that game that counted. Blowing a four touchdown second half lead. Suffering the second worst collapse in postseason history. (Only the Oilers blowing a thirty two point lead at Buffalo in the 1992 Wild Card Round is greater ... or worse, depending on your perspective.)
So through one season, "Fat" Andy is 1-3-0 in the first matchup, and 1-3-0 in the second, for a total of 2-6-0 in games that count as series. That ... to channel, well, me, back in the day: (stevo in college voice) that's no bueno.
2014:
The only series in 2014 were against the division, and although there was no way to know this five years ago ... this is the last time "Fat" Andy failed to win at least five divisional games (out of six) in a season. Truly, "Fat" Andy dominance over the AFC West is nothing short of incredible -- he started 5-7 against the division ... and has gone 27-3 since, for a total of 32-10 in seven seasons. When you're guaranteed five divisional wins? You not only will hold every tiebreaker, but you simply have to go 5-5 against the rest of the schedule, to get at least a wild card berth in all likelihood, and 7-3 against the rest of the schedule all but guarantees you the division and a bye. (This season, the Chiefs went 6-0 against the division, and 6-4 against everyone else ... to get to 12-4 and a bye, for the third time in four years. The only non-bye year? They did exactly what I said two sentences ago: went 5-1 against the division, and 5-5 against everyone else, to win the West at 10-6. Winning in the division is so f*cking important in the NFL, it cannot possibly be understated.)
The Week Twelve loss at oakland in 2014 is arguably the most crushing regular season defeat of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. (And by "arguably", I mean "unquestionably".) The loss not only gave the 0-10 raiders a victory, not only cost the Chiefs a wild card berth (although the Week One loss to a god awful Titans team, and the Week Sixteen loss in Pittsburgh, didn't help either), but after undergoing some X-Rays, Chiefs S Eric Berry was diagnosed with cancer in the aftermath of that debacle of a defeat. Just a total disaster of a game, that let to a total disaster of a finish (closing 2-4 after opening 7-3).
Through two seasons, "Fat" Andy is 2-5-0 in the first matchup, and 3-4-0 in the second, for a total of 5-9-0 in series. That's still (stevo in college voice) no bueno.
2015:
Now we're talking! The only defeat in the 2015 series matchups was the epic collapse in Week Two, when the Chiefs blew a seven point lead with three minutes to play to those people. (Note: this is the only other regular season game I'd consider as the worst of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. More for off the field sh*t than on it ... and given that collapse, that's saying something.) Every other game resulted in victory, including the game all of us hoped and prayed would end satan manning's career in Week Ten. (Sadly, it did not.)
Also, don't forget how tough those last three rematches were. The "Super" Chargers game was played in below freezing temperatures with a windchill well below zero. (Trust me: I was there. It was insanely cold.) The raiders went .500 that season, building towards their "breakthrough" in 2016, and were in the thick of the wild card race well into December. (The first matchup in oakland was between two 6-5 teams.) And whatever one may think of your 2015 Houston Texans (namely, they might be the worst division winner of the last five years), they still won the division, and the Chiefs hadn't won a playoff game anywhere in twenty two years when they stepped onto the field at NRG Reliant exactly five years ago today. Nothing was a given. The Chiefs earned everything they achieved that season.
Through three seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 5-6-0 in the first matchup, and 7-4-0 in the second, for a total of 12-10-0 in series matchups. That's better.
2016:
Six and oh against the division! Awesome.
Oh and two against the Steelers. One a complete "bend over, assume the position, and take it without the lube" ass-raping, the other a home playoff defeat without allowing a touchdown. Good Lord. What a missed opportunity 2016 was.
Through four seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 8-7-0 in the first matchup, and 10-5-0 in the second, for a total of 18-12-0 in series matchups. 60% ain't bad. It beats the 33% "Fat" Andy stood at, after season uno.
2017:
One of only two seasons (2014) that featured only divisional rematches. And frankly, when your only loss in the series matchups is because the raiders got not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, but nine -- NINE! -- f*cking tries from the goalline inside of ten seconds to play? I'm not going to complain about the defeat. I didn't then * , and I won't now.
Also, although some of us suspected it at the time ... that Week Seventeen win in the eighth layer of hell itself, will someday be looked upon as the moment the Chiefs fates changed forever. I know I'm right on this. And yes, it gives me sick, sadistic pleasure to know that the moment those people went from the benchmark to the used port-a-potty toilet paper of the division, occurred because of Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Through five seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 10-8-0 in the first matchup, and 13-5-0 in the second, for a series record of 23-13-0.
(*: this is an abject lie. I still complain about the "officiating" by Craig Wrolstad and his crew, in that game. And yes, the fact I know who officiated a random regular season three years ago frightens the hell out of me too.)
2018:
Hang on, let me check something.
(stevo looking back at his spreadsheet data ...)
Holy sh*t, Batman! 2018 is the ONLY season so far in which "Fat" Andy won the first matchup against a foe, and lost the second! (emf voice) That's unbelievable!
Of course, the two defeats to the Patriots stand out ... but given where both games stood at the half (9-24 in Foxboro, 0-14 at Arrowhead)? To lose on a field goal as time expired, and then in overtime (after having the game won, f*cking Dee Ford), I can almost live with it.
(Well, I can live with the first outcome. 2019 is all about one thing: erasing the shame, of the second one.)
Through six seasons, this puts "Fat" Andy at 13-9-0 in the first matchup, and 15-7-0 in the second, for a total of 28-16-0 in the series matchups, entering ...
2019:
And so, here we are. For the third time in four seasons, "Fat" Andy swept the division. And frankly, he didn't just "sweep" it, he dominated it. Winning by twenty four in fake mile high. Closing out the Real Black Hole by eighteen. Beating the "Super" Chargers comfortably enough in Mexico. And winning the three divisional home games by a total of fifty one points -- all by at least ten, and all save for the game against those people, by MORE than the Chiefs won the first matchup.
(And let's be fair here: winning by "only" twenty instead of twenty four, is not something to be upset about. Because we got to play in this!
So much fun! Image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
So entering Sunday, "Fat" Andy is 16-10-0 in the first matchup, and 18-7-0 in the second, for a total (again, entering Sunday) of 34-17-0 in series matchups, during his seven seasons here in Kansas City.
That ... well, as Vice President Biden noted in his 2008 Acceptance Speech ** : "Since I have never been called a man of few words". Neither have I sir.
But "Fat" Andy's rematch record?
Has left me speechless.
And no, I'm not referencing the highly underrated political comedy starring Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Ernie Hudson, Bonnie Bedelia (God, I miss "Parenthood") ... and the late, great Christopher Reeve, when I type "Speechless" ...
--------------------
(**: I irrationally love that man. I always will. And I will never make any apologies for it. Even if I'm #teampete at this point. And holy hell, we're less than four weeks away from #campaign2020! This ... is going to be awesome! Right down to a brokered convention that HRC will probably steal in Milwaukee in seven months! Love it, hate it, loathe it, despise it, vote for it, vote against it, vomit at the thought of doing either of those things -- the 2020 Democratic nomination process is going to be one epic dog / pony / puppy / rubber chicken show!)
--------------------
And so, here we are. Less than seventy hours out from one of the most anticipated playoff games I can remember. In the span of seventy hours here in Kansas City, our forecast has gone from mid-40s and sunny to below freezing with ice and six to ten inches of snow on the ground *** . We're going to have a playoff game featuring two quarterbacks who rarely if ever have seen snow prior to their arrival in the National ... Football League, let alone played in it. (Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is 2-0 in the snow, beating the Colts in last year's Divisional Round, and those people four weeks ago. I have no idea if Deshaun Watson has ever played in the snow ... but I would bet he hasn't.)
--------------------
(***: my favorite Tweet of today was from some dude (I think) from WGN in Chicago, who lamented that the NFL can't flip the Saturday and Sunday games, because if they could, we'd have snow games in both Kansas City and Green Bay. I couldn't agree more. If it's going to be miserably cold? At least let it snow! Because NOTHING sucks more than sunny, (somewhat) cloudless skies when it's negative thirteen out!)
Doubt me? Patriots at Chiefs, January 20, 2019:
So cold the godd*mned concrete is frozen.
Or Colts at Chiefs, January 12, 2019:
Yeah. Cold is always better when it's snowing. Image credit(s): me, via my iPhone X something.)
--------------------
Sunday's game is a rubber match for the Chiefs. As noted in the long-winded post above, "Fat" Andy is reasonably good at winning the second matchup, winning nearly 75% of them. (He's 18/25, or 72% entering Sunday ... and would rise to 19/26, or 73%, with a win. Or fall to 18/26, or 69%, with a loss. That's ... that's not a big move either way, actually.)
As also noted in the clipped spreadsheet above, the Chiefs are guaranteed, with a win, another rubber match -- either they will host the Titans (who beat the Chiefs in Nashville) or visit the Ravens (who we beat at Arrowhead).
And should the Chiefs emerge victorious from these next two -- versus Houston and TBD? They've got a 50/50 shot at a third rematch against either the Packers (who won at Arrowhead) or the Vikings (who lost at Arrowhead) ... or face a team they have played within the last sixteen months: the 49ers (who lost at Arrowhead) or Seahawks (who won at Century Link).
This league's teams are getting so cozy with each other, we might have to contemplate incest charges, by the time 2022 arrives.
--------------------
I entered this exercise worried about what the "series matchups" numbers would look like, especially after seeing the 2013 and 2014 results.
I emerge from it strangely and quietly confident about what is about to happen.
Because while there may be lies, damned lies, and statisticals?
#FactsDontLie
And the facts are this:
* "Fat" Andy is 18-3 after a bye in the regular season (5-2 in Kansas City).
* He is a more remarkable 5-1 in the postseason after a bye (1-1 in Kansas City).
6-3 in KC with an extra week to prepare. 18-7 in his second chance at an opponent in the same season, here in Kansas City, with Sunday (and hopefully next week) to pad the record even better.
I'll take my chances on Sunday. Because the odds are? The second chance is going to pay off.
May the goodbye from Philadelphia ... mean the greatest decision ever, regarding the second chance "Fat" Andy Reid has in front of him. Please, let this happen.
--------------------
Until tomorrow, once again:
And by the way?
I made it through the day.
I watched the world outside;
And by the way?
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's comet;
She waved, and said
Why're you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon
Disappeared?
Somewhere in the stratosphere!
Tell my mother!
Tell my father!
That I've done the best I can
To make them realize --
This is my life!
I hope they understand!
I'm not angry.
I'm just saying?
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance ...
-- "Second Chance" by Shinedown.
--------------------
Not many status updates to report today ... namely, none.
I had to work late, so I missed the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead at the JC Nichols Fountain. (Dammit.)
But, if you have a few spare dollars, someone I've bought a lot of Chiefs artwork off of, Chris Sembower, is this week's artist for the GameDay poster the Chiefs are selling, and it is spectacular:
If you've got a few spare bucks (namely, about thirty of them), feel free to send some his way, via the Chiefs Team Store.
And now, today's post: a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's rebounds, his second chances.
Which, on fifth glance?
Aren't as bad as the first four glances, made them look to me ...
--------------------
2013:
We're not off to a great start here. "Fat" Andy only won one rematch out of four, and it was against the lowly oakland raiders. Having said that ... the Chiefs had nothing to play for in Week Sixteen (vs Colts) or Week Seventeen (at "Super" Chargers), as those people had already clinched the division, and the "battle" for the six seed was so ugly the Chiefs were locked into the five seed in Week Fifteen. So losing the first round to Indy, and the rematch to the "Super" Chargers doesn't bother me at all. "Fat" Andy played those games right: you try to win, but play the backups and rest up for the game that counts.
But oh brother, that game that counted. Blowing a four touchdown second half lead. Suffering the second worst collapse in postseason history. (Only the Oilers blowing a thirty two point lead at Buffalo in the 1992 Wild Card Round is greater ... or worse, depending on your perspective.)
So through one season, "Fat" Andy is 1-3-0 in the first matchup, and 1-3-0 in the second, for a total of 2-6-0 in games that count as series. That ... to channel, well, me, back in the day: (stevo in college voice) that's no bueno.
2014:
The only series in 2014 were against the division, and although there was no way to know this five years ago ... this is the last time "Fat" Andy failed to win at least five divisional games (out of six) in a season. Truly, "Fat" Andy dominance over the AFC West is nothing short of incredible -- he started 5-7 against the division ... and has gone 27-3 since, for a total of 32-10 in seven seasons. When you're guaranteed five divisional wins? You not only will hold every tiebreaker, but you simply have to go 5-5 against the rest of the schedule, to get at least a wild card berth in all likelihood, and 7-3 against the rest of the schedule all but guarantees you the division and a bye. (This season, the Chiefs went 6-0 against the division, and 6-4 against everyone else ... to get to 12-4 and a bye, for the third time in four years. The only non-bye year? They did exactly what I said two sentences ago: went 5-1 against the division, and 5-5 against everyone else, to win the West at 10-6. Winning in the division is so f*cking important in the NFL, it cannot possibly be understated.)
The Week Twelve loss at oakland in 2014 is arguably the most crushing regular season defeat of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. (And by "arguably", I mean "unquestionably".) The loss not only gave the 0-10 raiders a victory, not only cost the Chiefs a wild card berth (although the Week One loss to a god awful Titans team, and the Week Sixteen loss in Pittsburgh, didn't help either), but after undergoing some X-Rays, Chiefs S Eric Berry was diagnosed with cancer in the aftermath of that debacle of a defeat. Just a total disaster of a game, that let to a total disaster of a finish (closing 2-4 after opening 7-3).
Through two seasons, "Fat" Andy is 2-5-0 in the first matchup, and 3-4-0 in the second, for a total of 5-9-0 in series. That's still (stevo in college voice) no bueno.
2015:
Now we're talking! The only defeat in the 2015 series matchups was the epic collapse in Week Two, when the Chiefs blew a seven point lead with three minutes to play to those people. (Note: this is the only other regular season game I'd consider as the worst of the "Fat" Andy Reid era. More for off the field sh*t than on it ... and given that collapse, that's saying something.) Every other game resulted in victory, including the game all of us hoped and prayed would end satan manning's career in Week Ten. (Sadly, it did not.)
Also, don't forget how tough those last three rematches were. The "Super" Chargers game was played in below freezing temperatures with a windchill well below zero. (Trust me: I was there. It was insanely cold.) The raiders went .500 that season, building towards their "breakthrough" in 2016, and were in the thick of the wild card race well into December. (The first matchup in oakland was between two 6-5 teams.) And whatever one may think of your 2015 Houston Texans (namely, they might be the worst division winner of the last five years), they still won the division, and the Chiefs hadn't won a playoff game anywhere in twenty two years when they stepped onto the field at NRG Reliant exactly five years ago today. Nothing was a given. The Chiefs earned everything they achieved that season.
Through three seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 5-6-0 in the first matchup, and 7-4-0 in the second, for a total of 12-10-0 in series matchups. That's better.
2016:
Six and oh against the division! Awesome.
Oh and two against the Steelers. One a complete "bend over, assume the position, and take it without the lube" ass-raping, the other a home playoff defeat without allowing a touchdown. Good Lord. What a missed opportunity 2016 was.
Through four seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 8-7-0 in the first matchup, and 10-5-0 in the second, for a total of 18-12-0 in series matchups. 60% ain't bad. It beats the 33% "Fat" Andy stood at, after season uno.
2017:
One of only two seasons (2014) that featured only divisional rematches. And frankly, when your only loss in the series matchups is because the raiders got not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, but nine -- NINE! -- f*cking tries from the goalline inside of ten seconds to play? I'm not going to complain about the defeat. I didn't then * , and I won't now.
Also, although some of us suspected it at the time ... that Week Seventeen win in the eighth layer of hell itself, will someday be looked upon as the moment the Chiefs fates changed forever. I know I'm right on this. And yes, it gives me sick, sadistic pleasure to know that the moment those people went from the benchmark to the used port-a-potty toilet paper of the division, occurred because of Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Through five seasons, "Fat" Andy is now 10-8-0 in the first matchup, and 13-5-0 in the second, for a series record of 23-13-0.
(*: this is an abject lie. I still complain about the "officiating" by Craig Wrolstad and his crew, in that game. And yes, the fact I know who officiated a random regular season three years ago frightens the hell out of me too.)
2018:
Hang on, let me check something.
(stevo looking back at his spreadsheet data ...)
Holy sh*t, Batman! 2018 is the ONLY season so far in which "Fat" Andy won the first matchup against a foe, and lost the second! (emf voice) That's unbelievable!
Of course, the two defeats to the Patriots stand out ... but given where both games stood at the half (9-24 in Foxboro, 0-14 at Arrowhead)? To lose on a field goal as time expired, and then in overtime (after having the game won, f*cking Dee Ford), I can almost live with it.
(Well, I can live with the first outcome. 2019 is all about one thing: erasing the shame, of the second one.)
Through six seasons, this puts "Fat" Andy at 13-9-0 in the first matchup, and 15-7-0 in the second, for a total of 28-16-0 in the series matchups, entering ...
2019:
And so, here we are. For the third time in four seasons, "Fat" Andy swept the division. And frankly, he didn't just "sweep" it, he dominated it. Winning by twenty four in fake mile high. Closing out the Real Black Hole by eighteen. Beating the "Super" Chargers comfortably enough in Mexico. And winning the three divisional home games by a total of fifty one points -- all by at least ten, and all save for the game against those people, by MORE than the Chiefs won the first matchup.
(And let's be fair here: winning by "only" twenty instead of twenty four, is not something to be upset about. Because we got to play in this!
So much fun! Image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
So entering Sunday, "Fat" Andy is 16-10-0 in the first matchup, and 18-7-0 in the second, for a total (again, entering Sunday) of 34-17-0 in series matchups, during his seven seasons here in Kansas City.
That ... well, as Vice President Biden noted in his 2008 Acceptance Speech ** : "Since I have never been called a man of few words". Neither have I sir.
But "Fat" Andy's rematch record?
Has left me speechless.
And no, I'm not referencing the highly underrated political comedy starring Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Ernie Hudson, Bonnie Bedelia (God, I miss "Parenthood") ... and the late, great Christopher Reeve, when I type "Speechless" ...
--------------------
(**: I irrationally love that man. I always will. And I will never make any apologies for it. Even if I'm #teampete at this point. And holy hell, we're less than four weeks away from #campaign2020! This ... is going to be awesome! Right down to a brokered convention that HRC will probably steal in Milwaukee in seven months! Love it, hate it, loathe it, despise it, vote for it, vote against it, vomit at the thought of doing either of those things -- the 2020 Democratic nomination process is going to be one epic dog / pony / puppy / rubber chicken show!)
--------------------
And so, here we are. Less than seventy hours out from one of the most anticipated playoff games I can remember. In the span of seventy hours here in Kansas City, our forecast has gone from mid-40s and sunny to below freezing with ice and six to ten inches of snow on the ground *** . We're going to have a playoff game featuring two quarterbacks who rarely if ever have seen snow prior to their arrival in the National ... Football League, let alone played in it. (Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" is 2-0 in the snow, beating the Colts in last year's Divisional Round, and those people four weeks ago. I have no idea if Deshaun Watson has ever played in the snow ... but I would bet he hasn't.)
--------------------
(***: my favorite Tweet of today was from some dude (I think) from WGN in Chicago, who lamented that the NFL can't flip the Saturday and Sunday games, because if they could, we'd have snow games in both Kansas City and Green Bay. I couldn't agree more. If it's going to be miserably cold? At least let it snow! Because NOTHING sucks more than sunny, (somewhat) cloudless skies when it's negative thirteen out!)
Doubt me? Patriots at Chiefs, January 20, 2019:
So cold the godd*mned concrete is frozen.
Or Colts at Chiefs, January 12, 2019:
Yeah. Cold is always better when it's snowing. Image credit(s): me, via my iPhone X something.)
--------------------
Sunday's game is a rubber match for the Chiefs. As noted in the long-winded post above, "Fat" Andy is reasonably good at winning the second matchup, winning nearly 75% of them. (He's 18/25, or 72% entering Sunday ... and would rise to 19/26, or 73%, with a win. Or fall to 18/26, or 69%, with a loss. That's ... that's not a big move either way, actually.)
As also noted in the clipped spreadsheet above, the Chiefs are guaranteed, with a win, another rubber match -- either they will host the Titans (who beat the Chiefs in Nashville) or visit the Ravens (who we beat at Arrowhead).
And should the Chiefs emerge victorious from these next two -- versus Houston and TBD? They've got a 50/50 shot at a third rematch against either the Packers (who won at Arrowhead) or the Vikings (who lost at Arrowhead) ... or face a team they have played within the last sixteen months: the 49ers (who lost at Arrowhead) or Seahawks (who won at Century Link).
This league's teams are getting so cozy with each other, we might have to contemplate incest charges, by the time 2022 arrives.
--------------------
I entered this exercise worried about what the "series matchups" numbers would look like, especially after seeing the 2013 and 2014 results.
I emerge from it strangely and quietly confident about what is about to happen.
Because while there may be lies, damned lies, and statisticals?
#FactsDontLie
And the facts are this:
* "Fat" Andy is 18-3 after a bye in the regular season (5-2 in Kansas City).
* He is a more remarkable 5-1 in the postseason after a bye (1-1 in Kansas City).
6-3 in KC with an extra week to prepare. 18-7 in his second chance at an opponent in the same season, here in Kansas City, with Sunday (and hopefully next week) to pad the record even better.
I'll take my chances on Sunday. Because the odds are? The second chance is going to pay off.
May the goodbye from Philadelphia ... mean the greatest decision ever, regarding the second chance "Fat" Andy Reid has in front of him. Please, let this happen.
--------------------
Until tomorrow, once again:
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
four days out
"You're the whisper of a summer breeze;
You're the kiss that puts my soul? At ease!
What I'm saying is? I'm into you!
Here's my story, and the story goes --
You give love? You'll get love!
And more than heaven knows!
You're gonna see!
I'm gonna run, I'm gonna try!
I'm gonna take this love right to ya!
All my heart!
All the joy!
Oh baby, baby please!
(Rush! Rush!)
Hurry, hurry lover come to me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I wanna see, I wanna see ya get free with me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I can feel it! I can feel you all through me!
(Rush! Rush!)
Ooh! What you do to me! ..."
-- "Rush Rush" by (Simon Cowell voice) Pauler Abdul. And yes, that is THE Keanu Reeves, as her "rush rush" lover in the music video. (Pause). Yes. Yes. If you put a gun to my head? 1989-1991 is the greatest three years in music history ...
--------------------
(Some) Wednesday Updates!
(And that's all y'all get tonight; my day at work did not go as planned.)
* The Chiefs STM Email arrived about 11am today!
So ... the Chiefs are allegedly giving us only five hours to properly prepare for warfare ... and that's more like four, since we'll break down and head in by 1pm. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're godd*mned right I'm calling bullsh*t on that!
Those gates will be flung wide open by 8am at the latest. Because we'll back Gates Six and Seven out onto Stadium Drive by 7:30am at the latest.
(Note: I have an email in to my "highly placed source who speaks only on the condition of anonymity", the awesome "Rufus" (again, why do I use ""'s around his actual name?), anyways, I've asked "Rufus" what he thinks of this email sent today. For the record, he has never mislead me on Gate Six's opening time. Based on past precedent? I'd set the over/under at 7:45am, and bet the under.)
* At least they're not giving out a towel. As my good tailgating buddy Ryan points out, we're 0 for forever, when handing out towels, entering a playoff game. (The first 50,000 get a flag on Sunday. La de f*cking dah; I have more Chiefs flags hanging in my office than pictures of my family ... and that's not a good thing, I think. On the other hand ... I have the towel from 2016, both towels from 2017, and the towel from 2018 -- to say nothing of the towel from January 4, 1998 -- hanging on each shelf in memoriam of the season I absorbed said towel. Yes, each season ended, with said towel give-away. So ... go flag?)
* On the other hand, I'm bring this bastardo out on Sunday, as my John Thompson / Jerry Tarkanian Memorial "Bite the F*ck Out Of It" Stress Towel:
(From the playoff game in Houston (mike gundy voice) four! years ago. Image credit: me, via my iPhone whatever the hell it was, (mike gundy voice) four! years ago.)
* Have to give a shout-out to my good friend Cindy, who managed to replace my Second Mom's floor mats in her Tahoe over the weekend, and said Mom didn't notice until this morning, when she texted me and asked "who the hell put the Chiefs mats in this thing? I love them!" Sadly, it wasn't my doing ... but kudos to people smarter than me.
* Travel Updates: "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and wherever the hell Pat fits in, arrive late Friday.
Mahomies (most of them -- Chance lives here in the metro) arrives midday Saturday.
We'll all be in line at Gate Six, by 7:30am at the latest.
* Bus Update: we've all seen the weather forecast for the next few days. It ain't pretty. (For those not in KC at this moment? Rain and mid 50s Thursday. Rain and mid 30s Friday. Snow and mid 20s Sunday. Somehow? 40 and sunny at kickoff Sunday. As the artist formerly known as "the champ" would note? "That's doable!")
So we're making our beer and liquor run tomorrow, loading the coolers tomorrow night (since it'll be below freezing from mid-day Friday until sometime Sunday morning), then turning that bastardo around, putting a tarp over the windshield, and will be ready to roll at 7am Sunday.
* The Menu has stayed the same. Other than Mahomies checked in via Coltin, and emphasized that there will be authentic chorizo in the breakfast burrito mix. (Pause). Should I employ a Peter Griffin voice to state the obvious? (Pause). Yeah, I probably shouldn't have.
Anyways, there you go.
* The Chiefs Jerseys went on the Founders in, uuh, Founders Plaza, this afternoon. (43rd and Broadway, for the clueless.)
Mahomes, Kelce, Mathieu. 15, 87, 32. Lather, rinse, repeat. Kudos to Bunker (or whoever provided them; it's usually Bunker); it makes the drive in tomorrow, and Friday, and hopefully all next week? Look so much classier.
Also, tomorrow, there are flags and jerseys to be hoisted along the north shore of Ward Parkway, and along 47th Street on The Plaza ... and the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at the JC Nichols Fountain from 2-5pm CT tomorrow.
(Or, as my brother would note -- given we took his wedding party pics at that park and fountain almost fifteen years ago: "they finally cleaned up after us!" #truth)
--------------------
* Finally tonight, aquick personal note.
(Note: if you are offended by personal take onyour right to kill your kid abortion? Check out now.)
Tomorrow, my mom turns seventy.
And tomorrow, marks the 43rd anniversary, of her taking me home, for the first time.
(That would be Sunday, January 9, 1977, for the calendar challenged.)
I drive by the place I was born many Monday's (January 3, 1977, at 10:58pm CT, according to my birth certificate) ago (St. Luke's on The Plaza or Westport, whichever you prefer) twice a day ...
... (mike gundy voice) four! times a day, if I head home for lunch.
So I just want to say, to the greatest person I will ever know ... Happy YOU Day, Mom.
You have tolerated far, far more out of me than any sane and/or reasonable person ever should. I have failed you more times than I can recall or recount. (Cue all of you saying the same response as Mom: "no sh*t, Sherlock!")
I am for most days out of the year, the definition of "a Spring Break Mistake gone horribly wrong!"
I wish I wasn't ... but I am.
And yet? Here we are.
I can never express in words, how much I love you. And that, is the greatest compliment I think I could ever pay you: I don't know HOW to express, what I think of you ... and what you mean to me.
For some strange and undefinable (if not indefensible) reason, you have never once failed to have my back, no matter how much of a f*ck up and failure, I have been.
That, is beyond awesome.
But mostly?
I am so effing thankful, you chose to not make me a Planned Parenthood statistical, because of that "Spring Break Gone Horribly Wrong".
(Note: the words in quotes, are a running gag between me and Mom. #whyyoudontpullthegoalie)
The world can never deny one fact about me.
You chose to have me.
Everyone reading this may question your wisdom of that decision (and to be fair, it's a, uuh, fair question)... but I never will.
Because you CHOSE to have me.
All of us drawing breath?
Owe our mothers an undying debt of gratitude, that we are here, and have survived the modern-day Holocaust that is Roe v Wade.
Thank you Mom, for choosing me, over yourself. Thank you -- truly, thank you! -- for caring more about this "squatter invading your space slightly above the sexual Mason-Dixon Line", over the convenient "nah, I'll pass on this one" option, that youhad still have the right to choose.
("maude" voice) God will (definitely reward) you for that.
I may not be certain of much ... but I am, of that.
--------------------
Oh, and until tomorrow one more time:
You're the kiss that puts my soul? At ease!
What I'm saying is? I'm into you!
Here's my story, and the story goes --
You give love? You'll get love!
And more than heaven knows!
You're gonna see!
I'm gonna run, I'm gonna try!
I'm gonna take this love right to ya!
All my heart!
All the joy!
Oh baby, baby please!
(Rush! Rush!)
Hurry, hurry lover come to me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I wanna see, I wanna see ya get free with me!
(Rush! Rush!)
I can feel it! I can feel you all through me!
(Rush! Rush!)
Ooh! What you do to me! ..."
-- "Rush Rush" by (Simon Cowell voice) Pauler Abdul. And yes, that is THE Keanu Reeves, as her "rush rush" lover in the music video. (Pause). Yes. Yes. If you put a gun to my head? 1989-1991 is the greatest three years in music history ...
--------------------
(Some) Wednesday Updates!
(And that's all y'all get tonight; my day at work did not go as planned.)
* The Chiefs STM Email arrived about 11am today!
So ... the Chiefs are allegedly giving us only five hours to properly prepare for warfare ... and that's more like four, since we'll break down and head in by 1pm. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're godd*mned right I'm calling bullsh*t on that!
Those gates will be flung wide open by 8am at the latest. Because we'll back Gates Six and Seven out onto Stadium Drive by 7:30am at the latest.
(Note: I have an email in to my "highly placed source who speaks only on the condition of anonymity", the awesome "Rufus" (again, why do I use ""'s around his actual name?), anyways, I've asked "Rufus" what he thinks of this email sent today. For the record, he has never mislead me on Gate Six's opening time. Based on past precedent? I'd set the over/under at 7:45am, and bet the under.)
* At least they're not giving out a towel. As my good tailgating buddy Ryan points out, we're 0 for forever, when handing out towels, entering a playoff game. (The first 50,000 get a flag on Sunday. La de f*cking dah; I have more Chiefs flags hanging in my office than pictures of my family ... and that's not a good thing, I think. On the other hand ... I have the towel from 2016, both towels from 2017, and the towel from 2018 -- to say nothing of the towel from January 4, 1998 -- hanging on each shelf in memoriam of the season I absorbed said towel. Yes, each season ended, with said towel give-away. So ... go flag?)
* On the other hand, I'm bring this bastardo out on Sunday, as my John Thompson / Jerry Tarkanian Memorial "Bite the F*ck Out Of It" Stress Towel:
(From the playoff game in Houston (mike gundy voice) four! years ago. Image credit: me, via my iPhone whatever the hell it was, (mike gundy voice) four! years ago.)
* Have to give a shout-out to my good friend Cindy, who managed to replace my Second Mom's floor mats in her Tahoe over the weekend, and said Mom didn't notice until this morning, when she texted me and asked "who the hell put the Chiefs mats in this thing? I love them!" Sadly, it wasn't my doing ... but kudos to people smarter than me.
* Travel Updates: "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and wherever the hell Pat fits in, arrive late Friday.
Mahomies (most of them -- Chance lives here in the metro) arrives midday Saturday.
We'll all be in line at Gate Six, by 7:30am at the latest.
* Bus Update: we've all seen the weather forecast for the next few days. It ain't pretty. (For those not in KC at this moment? Rain and mid 50s Thursday. Rain and mid 30s Friday. Snow and mid 20s Sunday. Somehow? 40 and sunny at kickoff Sunday. As the artist formerly known as "the champ" would note? "That's doable!")
So we're making our beer and liquor run tomorrow, loading the coolers tomorrow night (since it'll be below freezing from mid-day Friday until sometime Sunday morning), then turning that bastardo around, putting a tarp over the windshield, and will be ready to roll at 7am Sunday.
* The Menu has stayed the same. Other than Mahomies checked in via Coltin, and emphasized that there will be authentic chorizo in the breakfast burrito mix. (Pause). Should I employ a Peter Griffin voice to state the obvious? (Pause). Yeah, I probably shouldn't have.
Anyways, there you go.
* The Chiefs Jerseys went on the Founders in, uuh, Founders Plaza, this afternoon. (43rd and Broadway, for the clueless.)
Mahomes, Kelce, Mathieu. 15, 87, 32. Lather, rinse, repeat. Kudos to Bunker (or whoever provided them; it's usually Bunker); it makes the drive in tomorrow, and Friday, and hopefully all next week? Look so much classier.
Also, tomorrow, there are flags and jerseys to be hoisted along the north shore of Ward Parkway, and along 47th Street on The Plaza ... and the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at the JC Nichols Fountain from 2-5pm CT tomorrow.
(Or, as my brother would note -- given we took his wedding party pics at that park and fountain almost fifteen years ago: "they finally cleaned up after us!" #truth)
--------------------
* Finally tonight, a
(Note: if you are offended by personal take on
Tomorrow, my mom turns seventy.
And tomorrow, marks the 43rd anniversary, of her taking me home, for the first time.
(That would be Sunday, January 9, 1977, for the calendar challenged.)
I drive by the place I was born many Monday's (January 3, 1977, at 10:58pm CT, according to my birth certificate) ago (St. Luke's on The Plaza or Westport, whichever you prefer) twice a day ...
... (mike gundy voice) four! times a day, if I head home for lunch.
So I just want to say, to the greatest person I will ever know ... Happy YOU Day, Mom.
You have tolerated far, far more out of me than any sane and/or reasonable person ever should. I have failed you more times than I can recall or recount. (Cue all of you saying the same response as Mom: "no sh*t, Sherlock!")
I am for most days out of the year, the definition of "a Spring Break Mistake gone horribly wrong!"
I wish I wasn't ... but I am.
And yet? Here we are.
I can never express in words, how much I love you. And that, is the greatest compliment I think I could ever pay you: I don't know HOW to express, what I think of you ... and what you mean to me.
For some strange and undefinable (if not indefensible) reason, you have never once failed to have my back, no matter how much of a f*ck up and failure, I have been.
That, is beyond awesome.
But mostly?
I am so effing thankful, you chose to not make me a Planned Parenthood statistical, because of that "Spring Break Gone Horribly Wrong".
(Note: the words in quotes, are a running gag between me and Mom. #whyyoudontpullthegoalie)
The world can never deny one fact about me.
You chose to have me.
Everyone reading this may question your wisdom of that decision (and to be fair, it's a, uuh, fair question)... but I never will.
Because you CHOSE to have me.
All of us drawing breath?
Owe our mothers an undying debt of gratitude, that we are here, and have survived the modern-day Holocaust that is Roe v Wade.
Thank you Mom, for choosing me, over yourself. Thank you -- truly, thank you! -- for caring more about this "squatter invading your space slightly above the sexual Mason-Dixon Line", over the convenient "nah, I'll pass on this one" option, that you
("maude" voice) God will (definitely reward) you for that.
I may not be certain of much ... but I am, of that.
--------------------
Oh, and until tomorrow one more time:
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
five days out
"Tell me what you really like;
Baby? I can take my time!
We don't ever have to fight --
Just take it step by step!
I can see it in your eyes,
'Cause they never tell me lies.
I can feel that body shake,
And the heat between your legs!
You've been scared of love,
And what it did to you.
You don't have to run;
I know what you've been through!
Just a simple touch,
And it can set you free.
We don't have to rush?
When you're alone with me!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe! ..."
-- "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd. Oh hell yes, it's coming! It's so coming, come 2pm Central Time Sunday afternoon ...
--------------------
The Chiefs and the Texans have met eleven prior times in their respective franchises' histories -- which given that the Texansaren't are barely old enough to vote yet * , and that the two teams do not share a common division, is quite impressive, actually.
The teams have split five apiece in the regular season, and the Chiefs have won the only playoff game up until Sunday (2015 Wild Card). The Chiefs have a winning record at NRG Reliant (4-3-0 regular season; 1-0-0 postseason); the Texans have a winning record at Arrowhead (2-1-0 regular season, including Week Six of this season).
Here is a handy dandy spreadsheet detailing the eleven prior matchups, and other (possibly) relevant information about those matchups:
So, after a few quick updates as to where things stand for Sunday, here is one (not even remotely) talented blogger's opinion, on how these eleven matchups rank, worst to first.
--------------------
(*: I was going to say "old enough to buy cigarettes" ... but thanks to this ridiculous raise of the legal age to twenty one, they aren't. Seriously, if you can't figure out putting something that is literally ON FIRE in your mouth is probably not good for you? (Pause). On second thought, this is probably a good thing.)
--------------------
Tuesday Updates:
* Still no STM Email Update from "de Los Jefes". Hopefully tomorrow we'll get some logisticals out of these people. It's hard to inform people of a departure time when you don't know your arrival time.
* So Wornall is closed (headed south anyways) at 59th Street, and you have to either turn right to Ward Parkway, or east to Brookside Boulevard, to get through to 63rd Street. I know, I know -- road construction in my part of town. Nothing new. After all, I post the "Stevo Neighborhood Update" section of the picks post every week to b*tch about the construction in my part of town.
Having said that ... I dropped a few naughty words ** , and turned left, then right onto Brookside Boulevard. And folks, let me tell you, that four, five block stretch, from 59th to Meyer? Damned near every house has a Chiefs flag flying from it. One house had yellow and red flowers all along the walkway -- and remember, it's January 7th in Kansas City! Those bad boys had to be bought and paid for, to have a bloom, let alone life, at this time of the year!
Such a cool commute.
Also, the pedestrian walkway over Brush Creek in front of the Raphael is lined with nothing but Chiefs flags, "The Mural" on the south wall of The Ale House looks glorious in the early morning sunlight, and oh yeah -- the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at JC Nichols Fountain from 2pm-5pm CT on Thursday.
This city is damned near ready!
Now we just gotta get the folks at Bunker to loan a few jerseys to Founders Plaza like they usually do for the big games. Those three fellas look naked without the Mahomes, Kelce, and Mathieu jerseys on them ...
* The menu has been decided! I think. And in true Stevo-style, we are compromising to make everyone happy enough to show up.
The "main course" Texan Tenderloin, that you can make sandwiches with, or eat as a primary dish on its' own, or use as a garnish for your Bloody Mary, whatever's clever -- we don't judge.
We'll also have a pot of either chili or taco soup, whichever one I feel like making Saturday afternoon, for those who think 40 at kickoff is "too cold". (Hint: wager on taco soup.)
For the folks who desire to do breakfast, Mahomies is filling that void via breakfast burritos made to order.
And the Springfield folks are handling side items, dips, and desserts.
So there's your menu a hundred some hours out.
(Yo, Democrat National Committee! When you have a brokered convention in six months? I'm your man to settle the debate!)
* Also, Harry's apparently has a massive sale on craft and upper-echelon domestic beers. The Second Mom and I are making a (todd snyder voice) B Double E Double R U N Beer Run! Beer Run!, tomorrow after work. I have a sneaky suspicion there's gonna be some Shiner Bock in my cooler (jimmy buffett voice) Come Sunday.
And ... that's all I've got.
On to the list!
--------------------
(**: specifically, I dropped my new favorite phrase, loudly: "son of a c*nt!", then pounded the steering wheel. I had the roof open and the windows down on New Tito today (hey, it nearly hit 60 here today in the sun!). The lady next to me at the stoplight, actually busted up laughing, hearing that phrase. Whew. I was scared she'd think I was referring to her, and chuck her Claw-in-a-discreet-cup at me.)
--------------------
I should note up front, looking at this, I only see three of these eleven I did not attend in person ... I think. I know I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2005 (I could afford one of those back to back roadies (with two home games in between), Dallas or Houston, and I opted for Dallas), and I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2017 (I had just started my current job three weeks earlier, and couldn't take the PTO).
I'm also reasonably sure I was not there in 2003. Although, you know, a decade of toking and imbibing tends to kill otherwise healthy brain cells.
The other eight I know I was in attendance for ... with nine upcoming on Sunday, and ten upcoming at NRG Reliant next fall (the Chiefs will play at Houston in the 2020 season).
Anyways, here's how I rank the eleven matchups so far ... and it's a safe bet, a hundred hours out, that Sunday will probably fall into the top three, by the time the game is over ...
11. Texans 24, at Chiefs 21, Week Three 2004.
No recap -- sh*t, this game was back when I was sending out the recaps on company email. (Good Times! *** ) For personal reasons, this one will probably always rank dead last in any Chiefs / Texans game list countdown. This was the last home game for Chiefs Football as I knew it growing up, and into my post-college years. It seems impossible to believe this was over fifteen years ago now.
(***: as always, I can make any post porn-friendly ... or "greatest sitcom of all time" friendly.)
The only game that even comes close on the sh*t-o-meter?
10. at Texans 20, Chiefs 3, Week One 2007.
There's a recap for this one! It was worse than you remember. It was worse than I remember. It was worse than anyone you can think of, can remember. For like five brief minutes, we had a reason to believe. Then Justin Medlock blew a twenty something yard field goal, Matt Schaub completed a few quality passes, and the next thing you knew, Clay Walker was informing us that he "knows what love is; what's it to you?" during his halftime performance, and after one of the most uninspired performances on the field by the Red and Gold I've ever had the misfortune to pay to witness, we emerged from NRG Reliant to a 93 degree afternoon ... and a monsoon. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well hell yes, that was the best part of the day! You ever stand outside in the rain when it's hot as hell outside? It's refreshing! Why the hell do you think seeing Ben Harper on a 95 degree rainy evening back in 2006 ranks as one of my three or four favorite concerts ever, Ms. Non-Existent Editor Dudette?
9. at Texans 19, Chiefs 12, Week Two 2016.
This game was eight layers of awful on both sides. But perhaps it's best remembered as Tyreek Hill's coming out party: he took a punt to the house for what would have been the tying score, only an extremely shady and questionable holding call negated the play. (What is it with the 2016 season and "extremely shady and questionable holding calls negating the play", uuh, playing such a huge role on the season's final outcome? Damn!) Anyways, I'll trade a Week Two loss for the career Tyreek has had. And I guarantee you every other Chiefs fan would as well.
8. at Texans 35, Chiefs 31, Week Six 2010.
I remember it rained the whole drive home, and I caught the flu and was in bed for a week. I also remember the Chiefs led by two scores with four minutes to go, and somehow lost.
(peter griffin voice) I've had better days, Lois. I've had better days.
7. Chiefs 27, at Texans 20, Week One 2015.
The first defensive play was a Marcus Peters INT. Travis Kelce had two early touchdowns. And yet, there stood Ryan Mallett, almost with a shot to tie the game. I really believed 2015 -- and in the moment, that game -- was going to prove me right about Ryan Mallett. Instead? You guessed it. I'm a f*cking idiot.
6. Chiefs 45, at Texans 17, Week Eleven 2005.
LJ had over two hundred yards. The easy win set up two of the best home games of the century so far (26-16 over the Patriots; 31-27 over those people), and vaulted the Chiefs back into AFC West and AFC Wild Card contention.
(They'd fall one game short of either entry way, into the playoffs.)
5. Chiefs 42, at Texans 14, Week Three 2003.
All three units scored in this one for the Chiefs. That's a complete team victory.
4. Texans 31, at Chiefs 24, Week Six 2019.
I hate ranking a defeat this high, especially one where the Chiefs led 17-3 after the first quarter, especially one that occurred less than three months ago, and really especially one where the rematch will occur in less than one hundred hours. And yet, here we are.
Because Deshaun Watson was that awesome, in the second half.
3. Chiefs 42, at Texans 34, Week Five 2017.
Arguably the best game of "Sir" Alex Smith's Chiefs career. Given my respect for that man, that's saying a lot out of me.
2. at Chiefs 17, Texans 16, Week Seven 2013.
I still stand behind every damned word of this post. Even if, in hindsight, this was one royally "f*cked up eight ways from Sunday" weekend personally.
1. Chiefs 30, at Texans 0, AFC Wild Card 2015.
Ditto. Except without the bat sh*t crazy personal stuff.
--------------------
Coming tomorrow (hopefully): a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's (shalamar voice) "second time around" against opponents in the same season. (Note: not as good as I thought it would be ...)
And also, please keep my neighbor Joe in your thoughts and prayers. I have to attend his brother, my other neighbor to the south, I have to attend his funeral tomorrow. John passed away of cancer last Thursday. He moved in two years ago to take care of Joe, who is also dying of cancer. It will not be a happy day in South Waldo, I can assure you of that.
--------------------
Until tomorrow:
Baby? I can take my time!
We don't ever have to fight --
Just take it step by step!
I can see it in your eyes,
'Cause they never tell me lies.
I can feel that body shake,
And the heat between your legs!
You've been scared of love,
And what it did to you.
You don't have to run;
I know what you've been through!
Just a simple touch,
And it can set you free.
We don't have to rush?
When you're alone with me!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe!
I feel it coming!
I feel it coming babe! ..."
-- "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd. Oh hell yes, it's coming! It's so coming, come 2pm Central Time Sunday afternoon ...
--------------------
The Chiefs and the Texans have met eleven prior times in their respective franchises' histories -- which given that the Texans
The teams have split five apiece in the regular season, and the Chiefs have won the only playoff game up until Sunday (2015 Wild Card). The Chiefs have a winning record at NRG Reliant (4-3-0 regular season; 1-0-0 postseason); the Texans have a winning record at Arrowhead (2-1-0 regular season, including Week Six of this season).
Here is a handy dandy spreadsheet detailing the eleven prior matchups, and other (possibly) relevant information about those matchups:
So, after a few quick updates as to where things stand for Sunday, here is one (not even remotely) talented blogger's opinion, on how these eleven matchups rank, worst to first.
--------------------
(*: I was going to say "old enough to buy cigarettes" ... but thanks to this ridiculous raise of the legal age to twenty one, they aren't. Seriously, if you can't figure out putting something that is literally ON FIRE in your mouth is probably not good for you? (Pause). On second thought, this is probably a good thing.)
--------------------
Tuesday Updates:
* Still no STM Email Update from "de Los Jefes". Hopefully tomorrow we'll get some logisticals out of these people. It's hard to inform people of a departure time when you don't know your arrival time.
* So Wornall is closed (headed south anyways) at 59th Street, and you have to either turn right to Ward Parkway, or east to Brookside Boulevard, to get through to 63rd Street. I know, I know -- road construction in my part of town. Nothing new. After all, I post the "Stevo Neighborhood Update" section of the picks post every week to b*tch about the construction in my part of town.
Having said that ... I dropped a few naughty words ** , and turned left, then right onto Brookside Boulevard. And folks, let me tell you, that four, five block stretch, from 59th to Meyer? Damned near every house has a Chiefs flag flying from it. One house had yellow and red flowers all along the walkway -- and remember, it's January 7th in Kansas City! Those bad boys had to be bought and paid for, to have a bloom, let alone life, at this time of the year!
Such a cool commute.
Also, the pedestrian walkway over Brush Creek in front of the Raphael is lined with nothing but Chiefs flags, "The Mural" on the south wall of The Ale House looks glorious in the early morning sunlight, and oh yeah -- the Seven Foot Mahomes Bobblehead will be at JC Nichols Fountain from 2pm-5pm CT on Thursday.
This city is damned near ready!
Now we just gotta get the folks at Bunker to loan a few jerseys to Founders Plaza like they usually do for the big games. Those three fellas look naked without the Mahomes, Kelce, and Mathieu jerseys on them ...
* The menu has been decided! I think. And in true Stevo-style, we are compromising to make everyone happy enough to show up.
The "main course" Texan Tenderloin, that you can make sandwiches with, or eat as a primary dish on its' own, or use as a garnish for your Bloody Mary, whatever's clever -- we don't judge.
We'll also have a pot of either chili or taco soup, whichever one I feel like making Saturday afternoon, for those who think 40 at kickoff is "too cold". (Hint: wager on taco soup.)
For the folks who desire to do breakfast, Mahomies is filling that void via breakfast burritos made to order.
And the Springfield folks are handling side items, dips, and desserts.
So there's your menu a hundred some hours out.
(Yo, Democrat National Committee! When you have a brokered convention in six months? I'm your man to settle the debate!)
* Also, Harry's apparently has a massive sale on craft and upper-echelon domestic beers. The Second Mom and I are making a (todd snyder voice) B Double E Double R U N Beer Run! Beer Run!, tomorrow after work. I have a sneaky suspicion there's gonna be some Shiner Bock in my cooler (jimmy buffett voice) Come Sunday.
And ... that's all I've got.
On to the list!
--------------------
(**: specifically, I dropped my new favorite phrase, loudly: "son of a c*nt!", then pounded the steering wheel. I had the roof open and the windows down on New Tito today (hey, it nearly hit 60 here today in the sun!). The lady next to me at the stoplight, actually busted up laughing, hearing that phrase. Whew. I was scared she'd think I was referring to her, and chuck her Claw-in-a-discreet-cup at me.)
--------------------
I should note up front, looking at this, I only see three of these eleven I did not attend in person ... I think. I know I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2005 (I could afford one of those back to back roadies (with two home games in between), Dallas or Houston, and I opted for Dallas), and I was not there for the Sunday Nighter in 2017 (I had just started my current job three weeks earlier, and couldn't take the PTO).
I'm also reasonably sure I was not there in 2003. Although, you know, a decade of toking and imbibing tends to kill otherwise healthy brain cells.
The other eight I know I was in attendance for ... with nine upcoming on Sunday, and ten upcoming at NRG Reliant next fall (the Chiefs will play at Houston in the 2020 season).
Anyways, here's how I rank the eleven matchups so far ... and it's a safe bet, a hundred hours out, that Sunday will probably fall into the top three, by the time the game is over ...
11. Texans 24, at Chiefs 21, Week Three 2004.
No recap -- sh*t, this game was back when I was sending out the recaps on company email. (Good Times! *** ) For personal reasons, this one will probably always rank dead last in any Chiefs / Texans game list countdown. This was the last home game for Chiefs Football as I knew it growing up, and into my post-college years. It seems impossible to believe this was over fifteen years ago now.
(***: as always, I can make any post porn-friendly ... or "greatest sitcom of all time" friendly.)
The only game that even comes close on the sh*t-o-meter?
10. at Texans 20, Chiefs 3, Week One 2007.
There's a recap for this one! It was worse than you remember. It was worse than I remember. It was worse than anyone you can think of, can remember. For like five brief minutes, we had a reason to believe. Then Justin Medlock blew a twenty something yard field goal, Matt Schaub completed a few quality passes, and the next thing you knew, Clay Walker was informing us that he "knows what love is; what's it to you?" during his halftime performance, and after one of the most uninspired performances on the field by the Red and Gold I've ever had the misfortune to pay to witness, we emerged from NRG Reliant to a 93 degree afternoon ... and a monsoon. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well hell yes, that was the best part of the day! You ever stand outside in the rain when it's hot as hell outside? It's refreshing! Why the hell do you think seeing Ben Harper on a 95 degree rainy evening back in 2006 ranks as one of my three or four favorite concerts ever, Ms. Non-Existent Editor Dudette?
9. at Texans 19, Chiefs 12, Week Two 2016.
This game was eight layers of awful on both sides. But perhaps it's best remembered as Tyreek Hill's coming out party: he took a punt to the house for what would have been the tying score, only an extremely shady and questionable holding call negated the play. (What is it with the 2016 season and "extremely shady and questionable holding calls negating the play", uuh, playing such a huge role on the season's final outcome? Damn!) Anyways, I'll trade a Week Two loss for the career Tyreek has had. And I guarantee you every other Chiefs fan would as well.
8. at Texans 35, Chiefs 31, Week Six 2010.
I remember it rained the whole drive home, and I caught the flu and was in bed for a week. I also remember the Chiefs led by two scores with four minutes to go, and somehow lost.
(peter griffin voice) I've had better days, Lois. I've had better days.
7. Chiefs 27, at Texans 20, Week One 2015.
The first defensive play was a Marcus Peters INT. Travis Kelce had two early touchdowns. And yet, there stood Ryan Mallett, almost with a shot to tie the game. I really believed 2015 -- and in the moment, that game -- was going to prove me right about Ryan Mallett. Instead? You guessed it. I'm a f*cking idiot.
6. Chiefs 45, at Texans 17, Week Eleven 2005.
LJ had over two hundred yards. The easy win set up two of the best home games of the century so far (26-16 over the Patriots; 31-27 over those people), and vaulted the Chiefs back into AFC West and AFC Wild Card contention.
(They'd fall one game short of either entry way, into the playoffs.)
5. Chiefs 42, at Texans 14, Week Three 2003.
All three units scored in this one for the Chiefs. That's a complete team victory.
4. Texans 31, at Chiefs 24, Week Six 2019.
I hate ranking a defeat this high, especially one where the Chiefs led 17-3 after the first quarter, especially one that occurred less than three months ago, and really especially one where the rematch will occur in less than one hundred hours. And yet, here we are.
Because Deshaun Watson was that awesome, in the second half.
3. Chiefs 42, at Texans 34, Week Five 2017.
Arguably the best game of "Sir" Alex Smith's Chiefs career. Given my respect for that man, that's saying a lot out of me.
2. at Chiefs 17, Texans 16, Week Seven 2013.
I still stand behind every damned word of this post. Even if, in hindsight, this was one royally "f*cked up eight ways from Sunday" weekend personally.
1. Chiefs 30, at Texans 0, AFC Wild Card 2015.
Ditto. Except without the bat sh*t crazy personal stuff.
--------------------
Coming tomorrow (hopefully): a look at "Fat" Andy Reid's (shalamar voice) "second time around" against opponents in the same season. (Note: not as good as I thought it would be ...)
And also, please keep my neighbor Joe in your thoughts and prayers. I have to attend his brother, my other neighbor to the south, I have to attend his funeral tomorrow. John passed away of cancer last Thursday. He moved in two years ago to take care of Joe, who is also dying of cancer. It will not be a happy day in South Waldo, I can assure you of that.
--------------------
Until tomorrow:
Monday, January 6, 2020
six days out
"Hey girl?
It's now or never!
It's now or never!
Don't overthink -- Just let it go!
And if we get together?
Yeah, get together?
Don't let the pictures
Leave your phone!
Yeah!
We'll be doing what we do!
Just pretending that we're cool!
And so tonight?
Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy
'Til we see the sun!
I know we only met,
But let's pretend it's love!
And never, never, never
Stop for anyone!
Tonight? Let's get some!
And live while we're young! ..."
-- "Live While We're Young" by One Direction.
--------------------
And so, the first playoff game for the Red and Gold is set. Deshaun Watson and his Houston Texans will be invading Arrowhead Stadium at approximately 2pm CT on Sunday afternoon.
Frankly folks, if you can't get geeked up to see Deshaun and Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" go at it for what I can only hope and pray is the first of many epic postseason clashes, then you should question whether or not you truly love this sport.
A few quick updates regarding Sunday (at least, the few details I know as of now), then a few cool statisticals I stumbled upon today regarding our Red and Gold that somehow, someway, has me even more fired up for Sunday than I imagined I could get.
And we're still six days out!
--------------------
* "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and however the hell Pat fits into the equation, are returning for this one. They booked the flight and bought the tickets this morning. I for one am thrilled by this: the Chiefs are 5-0 the last five times the Jersey branch of the "family" has shown up for a Chiefs game, including this year's 30-3 ass-whipping of those people in the snow.
As someone constantly looking for positive signs regarding this team, I'd like to think that their attendance? Is a positive sign.
* "My Special Little Guy" is most likely attending his first playoff game. That ... is awesome. If he thinks Unca Teve is a tad bit insane for a random early November game against the Vikings, in the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive: "he ain't seen nothing yet!"
* No word yet on the menu. We're honestly torn on this one. Some of us want to do a breakfast theme, since it's easy to make, and easy to clean up, and let's face it: as has been noted about my tailgate many a time, "we're drinkers, not eaters". But some of us want to do Tex-Mex, since it is a Texas team coming in.
Personally, I don't care; I tend to graze during tailgating, then chow down after the game. But if I had to bet at this point ... sh*t, bet on a ton of Gates or Bryant's (or both!), with some Hooters wings thrown in for show.
* The weather looks about as perfect as you can ask for: mid 40s, little to no wind, plenty of sunshine. Thank God. Both playoff games last year sucked weather wise (especially Indy -- hey, you come home to no power for four f*cking days when it's in the single digits with a foot of snow outside, and tell me how you'd feel!), and the last three home games have been miserable weather wise (although beating the living sh*t out of those people in the snow, is amongst my five favorite Chiefs moments of the decade ... and certainly in my top twenty seven favorite Chiefs games ever). So if you're on the fence on whether to "brave the elements" or not, please -- if you're rooting for the Chiefs? Brave them.
(Doubt me on that? Here's New Tito "braving the elements" on Day Two of Power Outage 2019 last January:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
* I see we get Nantz and Romo. Dammit. I wanted "The Bird and the Beard". Or, in a dream world, Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon. Oh well. I guess expecting perfection for everything this week was a crack pipe dream anyway.
* No STM email yet, but I would wager the Chiefs will set the gate opening for 8am CT ... and they'll be wide, wide open by 7am, if not even sooner. Speaking of which ...
* As of now, The Bus departs at 6am, for anyone who wishes to avoid paying whatever insane amount the Jackson County Sports Authority will charge for parking. At last count there were nine riding out on The Bus, and eight riding out on Mahomies Bus. Gonna be one fun tailgate!
* I plan to post an update every day leading into this, because I've rarely if ever been more fired up for a game than I am for Sunday.
I prayed it would be Watson vs Mahomes. (Let's all hope and pray God didn't answer my prayer just to f*ck with me, because let's face it, that'd be a typical thing in my life.) I got Watson vs Mahomes. This is going to be ... hang on.
I don't get to haul this one out as much as I should.
Ladies and gentlemen, the late, great, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner!
(the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something ... REALLY special!
Thanks Hugh. Feel free to leave the robe behind for your good buddy typing this.
And today's update, or at least the close to it, is three awesome statisticals -- two of which I honestly didn't believe, when I first saw and/or realized them.
--------------------
* First, can you name the only team to reach the Elite Eight in the NFL postseason the last two years?
That's right peoples and peepettes -- it is your (and our) Kansas City Chiefs.
Last year's Elite Eight was the Patriots (eliminated Saturday), Chiefs (still alive), "Super" Chargers (failed to qualify), Colts (failed to qualify), Saints (eliminated Sunday), Rams (failed to qualify), Cowboys (failed to qualify), and Eagles (eliminated Sunday).
* Second, the Chiefs are guaranteed a rematch, no matter who they play, until they (please, God, please) reach the Super Bowl.
(And there's a fairly decent shot, they will face nothing but rematches, for as long as the season continues.)
Why, you ask, does that matter to me?
Because you give "Fat" Andy Reid a second crack at you, in the same season?
Good things tend to happen ... for the Chiefs * .
The Chiefs have already faced the Ravens, Titans, and Texans. And on the NFC side, they've already faced the Packers and Vikings.
I love how this is setting up for the Red and Gold. I absolutely love it.
(*: probably more on this on Wednesday. I already have tomorrow's statisticals update locked and loaded.)
* Finally ... there are only two teams who have reached the NFL's Elite Eight four of the last five years. One of those teams is your New England Patriots.
The other?
(norm macdonald voice) You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!
No wait -- you guessed it. The Kansas City Chiefs:
You gotta love it.
--------------------
We'll meet again tomorrow, the Good Lord and my liver willing.
(Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know which one I'd bet on crapping out tonight! And it ain't the Almighty ...
It's now or never!
It's now or never!
Don't overthink -- Just let it go!
And if we get together?
Yeah, get together?
Don't let the pictures
Leave your phone!
Yeah!
We'll be doing what we do!
Just pretending that we're cool!
And so tonight?
Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy
'Til we see the sun!
I know we only met,
But let's pretend it's love!
And never, never, never
Stop for anyone!
Tonight? Let's get some!
And live while we're young! ..."
-- "Live While We're Young" by One Direction.
--------------------
And so, the first playoff game for the Red and Gold is set. Deshaun Watson and his Houston Texans will be invading Arrowhead Stadium at approximately 2pm CT on Sunday afternoon.
Frankly folks, if you can't get geeked up to see Deshaun and Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" go at it for what I can only hope and pray is the first of many epic postseason clashes, then you should question whether or not you truly love this sport.
A few quick updates regarding Sunday (at least, the few details I know as of now), then a few cool statisticals I stumbled upon today regarding our Red and Gold that somehow, someway, has me even more fired up for Sunday than I imagined I could get.
And we're still six days out!
--------------------
* "Uncle" Bob, "Cousin" Chase, and however the hell Pat fits into the equation, are returning for this one. They booked the flight and bought the tickets this morning. I for one am thrilled by this: the Chiefs are 5-0 the last five times the Jersey branch of the "family" has shown up for a Chiefs game, including this year's 30-3 ass-whipping of those people in the snow.
As someone constantly looking for positive signs regarding this team, I'd like to think that their attendance? Is a positive sign.
* "My Special Little Guy" is most likely attending his first playoff game. That ... is awesome. If he thinks Unca Teve is a tad bit insane for a random early November game against the Vikings, in the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive: "he ain't seen nothing yet!"
* No word yet on the menu. We're honestly torn on this one. Some of us want to do a breakfast theme, since it's easy to make, and easy to clean up, and let's face it: as has been noted about my tailgate many a time, "we're drinkers, not eaters". But some of us want to do Tex-Mex, since it is a Texas team coming in.
Personally, I don't care; I tend to graze during tailgating, then chow down after the game. But if I had to bet at this point ... sh*t, bet on a ton of Gates or Bryant's (or both!), with some Hooters wings thrown in for show.
* The weather looks about as perfect as you can ask for: mid 40s, little to no wind, plenty of sunshine. Thank God. Both playoff games last year sucked weather wise (especially Indy -- hey, you come home to no power for four f*cking days when it's in the single digits with a foot of snow outside, and tell me how you'd feel!), and the last three home games have been miserable weather wise (although beating the living sh*t out of those people in the snow, is amongst my five favorite Chiefs moments of the decade ... and certainly in my top twenty seven favorite Chiefs games ever). So if you're on the fence on whether to "brave the elements" or not, please -- if you're rooting for the Chiefs? Brave them.
(Doubt me on that? Here's New Tito "braving the elements" on Day Two of Power Outage 2019 last January:
(image credit: me, via my iPhone X something.)
* I see we get Nantz and Romo. Dammit. I wanted "The Bird and the Beard". Or, in a dream world, Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon. Oh well. I guess expecting perfection for everything this week was a crack pipe dream anyway.
* No STM email yet, but I would wager the Chiefs will set the gate opening for 8am CT ... and they'll be wide, wide open by 7am, if not even sooner. Speaking of which ...
* As of now, The Bus departs at 6am, for anyone who wishes to avoid paying whatever insane amount the Jackson County Sports Authority will charge for parking. At last count there were nine riding out on The Bus, and eight riding out on Mahomies Bus. Gonna be one fun tailgate!
* I plan to post an update every day leading into this, because I've rarely if ever been more fired up for a game than I am for Sunday.
I prayed it would be Watson vs Mahomes. (Let's all hope and pray God didn't answer my prayer just to f*ck with me, because let's face it, that'd be a typical thing in my life.) I got Watson vs Mahomes. This is going to be ... hang on.
I don't get to haul this one out as much as I should.
Ladies and gentlemen, the late, great, Mr. Hugh M. Hefner!
(the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner voice) Thanks Stevo! Folks? This is going to be something ... REALLY special!
Thanks Hugh. Feel free to leave the robe behind for your good buddy typing this.
And today's update, or at least the close to it, is three awesome statisticals -- two of which I honestly didn't believe, when I first saw and/or realized them.
--------------------
* First, can you name the only team to reach the Elite Eight in the NFL postseason the last two years?
That's right peoples and peepettes -- it is your (and our) Kansas City Chiefs.
Last year's Elite Eight was the Patriots (eliminated Saturday), Chiefs (still alive), "Super" Chargers (failed to qualify), Colts (failed to qualify), Saints (eliminated Sunday), Rams (failed to qualify), Cowboys (failed to qualify), and Eagles (eliminated Sunday).
* Second, the Chiefs are guaranteed a rematch, no matter who they play, until they (please, God, please) reach the Super Bowl.
(And there's a fairly decent shot, they will face nothing but rematches, for as long as the season continues.)
Why, you ask, does that matter to me?
Because you give "Fat" Andy Reid a second crack at you, in the same season?
Good things tend to happen ... for the Chiefs * .
The Chiefs have already faced the Ravens, Titans, and Texans. And on the NFC side, they've already faced the Packers and Vikings.
I love how this is setting up for the Red and Gold. I absolutely love it.
(*: probably more on this on Wednesday. I already have tomorrow's statisticals update locked and loaded.)
* Finally ... there are only two teams who have reached the NFL's Elite Eight four of the last five years. One of those teams is your New England Patriots.
The other?
(norm macdonald voice) You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!
No wait -- you guessed it. The Kansas City Chiefs:
You gotta love it.
--------------------
We'll meet again tomorrow, the Good Lord and my liver willing.
(Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I know which one I'd bet on crapping out tonight! And it ain't the Almighty ...
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