the dnc: day one ... live blog

I know, I know ... I'm 2 hours and 20 minutes late to cover everything, but trust me, you haven't missed much.

I admit this up front: this one is gonna be tough. As a PUMA Hillary supporter, I'm struggling, seriously struggling, to get on board with this unqualified moron of a candidate we've put at the top of the ticket. Maybe the lineup tonight will help to sway me.

(Probably not).

Here we go ...

6:21pm: Randi Weingarten, your President of the American Federation of Teachers, is ranting about how "our aging population depends on today's generation growing the economy". Uuh, yeah. That's why I got my college degree, to fund your Social Security account.

Sob stories about "empty stomachs, untreated ailments, and life experiences that can shake you to your core". What the hell does readin', writin', and 'rhythmatic have to do with ANY of that?

She can't say "children". It comes out as "chidrun".

She should have worn pearls, she wouldn't look as, uuh, threatening.

And she's done. Thoroughly forgettable 5 minutes. Probably good; most speeches at the DNC are anything but "forgettable".

Next up, Sen. Klobuchar from Minnesota.

She needs a tan.

She's going off about ethics reform. Barry's a politican from Illinois! Ethics pretty much don't exist in that situation.

She says Barack Obama has started to change Washington. Huh? How? What the hell has he done to bring change to Washington? He hasn't passed a single piece of legislation in 3 years and counting that he brought to the floor.

"Its time to elect a President that America can trust". I keep coming back to that whole "politician from Illinois" thing ...

And she's done. Another forgettable 5 minutes.

Kennedy tribute projected at 8:15CT according to CSPAN.

Side note: the music in between speakers has been awesome. The last song before this one was a live version of "Fantasy" by Earth Wind and Fire. Now we're onto "Dance to the Music". Few things funnier than watching crazy Dem delegates dance in the aisles.

Next up, according to the schedule, is John Legend and some kids choir. Should be good.

Replay of Obama's speech at the '04 DNC that ... well, is pretty much his only qualification for running for President. He can speak well.

Wow. This is really, really good. And its not a kids choir, its the Agape Choir from the International Spirit Center in Culver, CA. And I sh*t you not, it looks like Chikizie is on the top riser.

Yup, that HAS to be Chikizie. Nice!

Wow. Absolutely phenomenal. (steve standing and applauding)

Who'd have thunk my first fist pump and woo! of the night would be for a musical performance.

Next up according to the schedule: an America's Town Hall on the economy, moderated by Sen. Sherrod Brown of Ohio. Sounds like a good time to hit the wine cooler.

Wow, more Earth Wind and Fire. Sweet! Freaking sweet!

Actually, schedule update, Speaker Pelosi is next, then the town hall, then the "Reverend Jackson"'s son.

Missouri's own Claire McCaskill kicks off prime time at 9. Kansas' own Kathleen Sebelius closes us down tonight.

Quick Steve rant: I get why the "Reverend Jackson" wasn't invited to speak. Something about "cut his nuts off". But how the hell can you have a DNC without Reverend Al? How am I supposed to find out if he got his 40 acre and a mule he was pleading for 4 years ago? Why Barry? We have to sit through the NARAL President, the NEA chief, and the state comptroller from Illinois, but we can't carve out 5 minutes for the most dynamite, electric speaker we've got? That's an outrage.

(Unless we're saving him for Thursday. If that's the case, I'm good with it).

Still on Earth Wind and Fire. Not sure if anyone is between Speaker Pelosi at 7 and the end of this song or not ... so, might as well visit the 'loo. Back in a few.

Yes! "September"! I am literally standing in front of the couch right now, dancing and singing along. I look like a delegate. Well, other than I'm doing this in a pair of shorts and not much else. So I still look like a delegate. Sweet!

"Say that you remember / Dancin' in September / Never was a cloudy day!!!" Jesus, this rocks! Woo! Earth! Wind! and f*cking Fire!!!

(and here I thought the Kennedy tribute would be the highlight of my Monday).

Alicia Keys' "No One" up next. Best cd I bought last year. Some 14 year old chick is just nailing this with the house band. God I love the DNC. Yet another reason why our convention kicks ass: better music.

I'm guessing we have noone speaking until 7. That's 13 minutes from now. Which means 13 minutes where we don't trot out some crazy dude that makes me look sane and rational.

(steve applauding this smart, reasoned decision).

Really, this 14 year old girl is solid. This is not an easy song to cover. Hope she goes out for "Idol" in the next couple years. If she does, you heard it here first, (randy jackson voice) she's in it to win it!

We're onto "Respect". Not a song I would have chosen, given the complete lack of it shown to the candidate that actually garnered the most votes in the run-up to the convention. (PUMA! PUMA! PUMA!)

(for those new to this, PUMA is a pro-Hillary organization that, if she fails to steal this thing in the roll call floor vote on Wednesday, is committed to voting for McCain. I am still officially undecided ... but anytime an organization is founded and its acronym stands for "Party Unity My Ass", I'll throw some support behind it).

Let's throw out some random shoutouts here. For the Chiefs fans visiting this, give www.bobgretz.com a read. Best Chiefs site out there right now, run by everyone's favorite former sideline reporter, Bob Gretz himself.

Guess the updated schedule was wrong. No Pelosi. Here comes the town hall forum.

Note: I am watching this on CSPAN. I doubt I will flip to any other networks because I prefer my convention coverage unfiltered. Just so you know.

I thought Sherrod Brown was black. Whoops. White as can be.

3 of these 4 "panelist" have absolutely nothing to do with "economic policy". Laura D'Andrea Tyson does, as Clinton's first economic leader. But they've also got Gore's educational advisor, some health care clinic person from Lincoln, Nebraska, and an author on heatlh care. I smell "universal care is the answer" being pushed hard these next 10, 15 minutes.

Wow, Ms. Tyson looks exactly like Donna Shalala. That sucks. I always thought Ms. Tyson was by far the hottest chick in the Clinton administration growing up. Now? Of course I'd still tap it. But man, nowhere near as hot as 1993, 1994.

"He won't retreat from current standards and accountability (in education)". So does that mean Obama will keep No Child Left Behind, arguably the single worst legacy of the Bush Administration? A bill so wretched that many of our nation's finest, long tenured teachers (like my mommy), quit rather than keep trying to meet impossible federal standards? Surely he doesn't mean that.

And here's the health insurance question. Told you this was a plant.

Can't afford a $20 copay?!?! Do you know what I would give for an insurance plan that OFFERED me a copay?!?! My insurance doesn't kick in one effing penny until I spend my deductable of $2400 / year! And these people are b*tching about coming up with $20 for a copay?!?! Please! Come work at "company Steve works for" and see what sh*tty ass health insurance really is!

"50% of bankruptcies in the United States are caused by people who can't pay their health insurance bills". Uuh, somehow I doubt that. Maybe their "health bills because they don't have insurance", but why argue at this point.

Note: I do agree with the Obama plan to allow anyone to buy into the federal employees plan, provided they pay the federal rate. As a child raised on the federal employees health plan, yeah, its pretty solid. And spare me the "it will bankrupt the system" crap. The private health insurers will have to reform their cost structure to stay alive in the field. It'll balance out. Choice is the answer. In this case, giving you the choice to buy into the government plan.

Whew, that's over.

Oh no. Flashback to Speaker Pelosi becoming Speaker. Madame Speaker ... speaking on behalf of the left, we elected you into that position to do two things. (1) defund the war. (2) Impeach Bush for lying about Mission Accomplished. You not only have done neither, you haven't even considered doing either. I hope you lose in November.

And here comes Madame Speaker.

Wow, she looks good tonight. Nice white pant suit, "Dusty's ex"'s cropped haircut, nice tan, and pearls. I'm telling you, you can never go wrong with pearls.

Our first real tribute to Hillary. No need to acknowledge she actually, you know, got more votes, but still, that's nice.

And the floor begins! "Hillary! Hillary!"

Wow, no applause at all for the "one nation ... under God" line that was clearly designed to generate applause. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love the DNC. Nothing but lunacy.

(In case you forgot, the last time Joe Biden was at the podium, he was literally booed off the stage for quoting the Bible. Now, he's our Veep nominee. Yup, its my party).

Pelosi is "very proud of the Democrats in Congress". WTF?!?! You've done nothing!

She just said "we helped rebuild the Gulf Coast". I think the Lower 9th Ward has an issue with that statement.

Woo, a minimum wage increase, that's a highlight.

We're less than an hour from Senator Kennedy's tribute.

(And yes, I bought champagne for the tribute. This should be entertaining).

"Because of them (veterans), America is the land of the free, and the home of the? (peter griffin voice) whopper?"

Pelosi just mispronounced Obama's name.

I love how nobody is using his full name.

Whoa, major, MAJOR f*ck up! She just said "Republicans say Barack Obama has no experien --" Then stops and starts over. Uuh, Speaker? The Republicans are right on this one.

Shout out to Teddy for his only vote since March.

Punch line of the speech: "John McCain is Wrong!" Not quite (al gore voice) "Its Time for Him to Go!" that brought the '92 DNC to its feet, but hey, its only Monday, its a start.

"America needs a President who knows that health care is a right, and not a privilege". Well no sh*t. What we need is a President who understands that health INSURANCE needs to be a right, not a privilege.

"America needs a President who will responsibly end the war in Iraq". Uuh, didn't Bush's negotiators do that earlier this week, by negotiating a deal that said we'd be out by 1/1/12?

What 5 year old is going to pop out from under a table at the Olive Garden and say "Barack Obama! I must be dreaming!" Jesus, Pelosi, if you're gonna tell a story, here's a thought ... have a point! Or at least be semi-believable when you tell it.

"Barack Obama's values are enduring American values". Tell that to his brother living on $1 a month in Kenya. Or to the poor innocent children who died needlessly after botched abortions because of his refusal to back a bill that passed the Senate 98-0.

If Barack Obama is "a 21st Century Patriot who sees beyond the years", I'd rather go back to the Clinton / Gore era. Oh wait, I did want to go back to the Clinton / Gore era, that's why I back Hillary. PUMA! PUMA! PUMA!

Behind the scenes video looking at the work a pledged delegate puts in. Pretty cool, actually. I so want to be a delegate to this thing in 2012.

"Pascagoula Run" by Buffett introduces the New Orleans tribute! Parrot Heads represent!

"Well its time to see the world! Time to kiss a girl! Time to cross that wild meridian! Grab your bag and take a chance! Time to learn a Cajun dance! Boy you're gonna see the mornin' sun ... on the Pascagoula Run! (da da da da da!)"

Love that song.

Former President Carter up next after he pimps his involvement in rebuilding the Gulf Coast.

Here's ("barry gibb talk show host" voice) J J J J J Jimmy Carter! P P P P P Peanut Farmer!

"Georgia on my Mind" playing. Dusty would love that.

So would Dixie Carter.

Wow, Rosalyn Carter looks good for pushing 80. Good to see good people still looking like they're in good health.

Ditto for the former President.

So apparently ("barry gibb talk show host" voice) J J J J J Jimmy Carter! P P P P P Peanut farmer! isn't speaking?!?! WTF?!?! We have two living Presidents, and one of them gets nothing more than a meet and greet with the current Speaker of the House? What a whiz in the face of a man of honor, integrity, and all around decency. And you can't say that about many people in my party. Jimmy Carter is a decent, honorable person. Gullible, flawed, but honorable. And he doesn't get a word in at the podium. Outrageous.

Obama's half sister at the podium now. I'm guessing by her outfit she can afford better than a 6x9 shack on $1 / month.

Good point raised earlier: how many freaking relatives does Barry have? He's making Bill Clinton's family look absolutely normal.

I'm not going to even attempt to figure out how to pronounce her name. Its Maya (yes, I get that part) Soetoro-Ng. What the hell is a "Ng", a symbol for one of the elements on the periodic table of the elements?

(a quick high level search says no, that is not an element).

(Side note: how the hell am I still sober enough to do this? I'm 3 Coors Lights and a bottle of shiraz in ... and I'm still truckin'! And I've got the champagne on ice for Senator Kennedy's (probably) final appearance at a DNC. The answer, as always: tolerance. level. I freaking rule at that, as Float Trip 08 determined).

Scary woman with a flower wreath around her neck in the delegate audience.

Barry's sister seems nice, educated, articulate. What was it Joe Biden said, an "articulate African American, nicely dressed"? Remind me again why we put either of these tools on our ticket?

Short, sweet, and to the point. She's out.

30 minutes to Senator Edward M. Kennedy ... unless they've built this much room in to allow him to speak. Because the only thing left between him is the "Reverend Jackson's" kid.

Rev. Jackson's kid opens with a lie, about this being the "first Convention to take place within site of a mountaintop". The 1908 DNC was in the spot tonight's is.

What the hell exactly is a "community organizer"?

Jackson Jr. blasting HRC backers.

Calls Illinois "America". Uuh, no, its "Illinois".

What the hell is the button young Jesse is wearing? I can't make it out. Let me head into the main room and see if I can make it out in HD ...

Apparently CSPAN isn't available in HD. So I have no clue what button he's wearing it. But its circular and red.

"We rise and fall together as one people ..." Straight plagarized from "Lean on Me". Nice job, Jess.

Shout out to daddy. I do wonder what the "Reverend Jackson" is up to tonight. 7 1/2 inches with his mistress?

(ka boom boom ching)

(I kid, I kid ... 8 1/2 inches. He is black. My God, this is tanking fast ...)

Continuing the adult theme, the delegate they just showed, I swear, looked like Mr. Marcus. So we're up to 10 1/2?

"Are You Gonna Go My Way" by Lenny Kravitz now playing, apparently the "Reverend Jackson's" kid is done. 6 minutes, not too shabby.

(ka boom boom ching).

There are two small speakers scheduled next, some folks from Indiana who "hosted Obama for lunch", and the President of some union in Chicago. And we're still 25 minutes from Caroline Kennedy introducing Ted. I smell a final address to the faithful being built into tonight ...

At least I hope that's what I smell. Because that would be better than if (dwayne johnson voice) I can smellllllllllllll ... what the Rock ... is cooking!

(I miss that picture hanging in the '23330 kitchen.)

Diane Keaton looking chick trying to dance to Lenny Kravitz. (steve reaching for the wine glass ...)

Wow, there's still 2 plus hours to go?!?! This might end early. Just sayin'. I can't go another 2 plus hours. But I'm at least making it to Kennedy's tribute. That's only 15 minutes away now.

Just showed Biden and his wife shaking hands with the "Honorable" Howard Dean. Biden's wife ... perfectly acceptable. Biden ... perfectly acceptable. Too bad I'm not ready to say the same about Barry or his wife ...

Spike Lee in da house! Fo shizzle!

Its 8:02CT.

We're going to "build a house at each convention site" for a wounded veteran. How about we, I don't know, ask our incompetent Speaker and Senate Majority Leader to pass legislation to actually HELP these veterans, as opposed to relying on pity and charity to do the trick?

Good God, what a nice house he's getting! I'm in a nice 3 bedroom, 2 bath with a half finished basement ... and it could fit in like 1/3 of this joint going up!

(speaking of joints going up ... dammit, Dusty took it with him. Boo!)

Mike and Sheryl Fisher up next. They "hosted Barack Obama".

Sheryl looks scared.

Uuh, Barry lost Indiana there, Fishers. Like he lost every meaningful contest after Super Tuesday. And like he's going to lose in November at this rate.

This guy has no business speaking in prime time. He's clearly nervous, and intimidated. Seems nice, seems decent, but he's obviously out of his league.

Barack has "a good sense of humor". Well hell's bells. So do I, but nobody wants to see me win the Presidency.

That was mercifully quick. 1:30 at most.

Next up, Tom Balanoff, some Union President from Illinois. He looks like a union president.

Note: I'm going to skip this speech to pop open the champagne for Senator Kennedy, so if this is the 2nd coming of Obama's speech in 2004, sorry, I won't recap it.

John Kerry takes his seat in the Massachusetts delegation.

"Oye Como Va" playing now. Some dude in a Woody Woodpecker hat that CSPAN is focused in on. Awesome.

Caroline Kennedy in :10.

"Sweet Caroline"!

HUGE ovation. Hu-yuge!!!

Kennedy signs everywhere.

I might cry.

Huge applause for Ted's name being mentioned.

Wow, she looks so much like JFK in the face.

The convention for the first time is ready to explode.

Caroline looks like a natural at the podium.

"In our family, he's known as Uncle Teddy". In mine too!

Maria Shriver in the house.

I haven't stopped clapping for 3 minutes, other than to type.

Wow, she makes Teddy sound as great as the new KY Intrigue.

(ka boom boom ching).

The floor starting to explode.

"He has a special relationship with each of us". We'll let that one go. "The best cookies and the best laughs are always found at Uncle Teddy's". Again, let it go.

I'm almost scared to see how he will look, Caroline is in near tears describing him.

Ken Burns directed this tribute. Hope its solid.

Wow. I mean. Wow. Amazing. Just ... you have to youtube! the tribute. Just ... wow.

Visible signs of a stroke of aneurysm, left arm pretty much useless, left side of hair gone. Who cares. He's speaking.

(steve applauding wildly).

This floor is going ape sh*t. As am I.

Kennedy! Kennedy! Kennedy!

Teddy at 50% reading a teleprompter is better than 95% of folks at 100% doing it. Just awesome. Another youtube! moment.

His left hand is heavily bandaged.

Biden standing and applauding.

"We are told that Barack Obama believes too much in an America of high principle and high endeavor, but when John Kennedy said we should go to the moon, nobody said he was thinking too far or too much". Amen! A effing men!

My God, he's almost switched me to a D vote.

This is beyond an uplifting speech. This is incredible.

(steve wildly applauding).

"Still the One" by Orleans. Great choice.

EVERY DNC heavyweight at the podium.

Maria Shriver in tears. (as am I).

How do you top that?!?!

With "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

And with that, I'm OUT for night one. Still to come tonight ... Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill. Potential First Lady Michelle Obama. And Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius.

I pledge to be back tomorrow, for the night that somehow has to end the obvious unity tonight promoted, as Sen. Clinton, Gov. Kaine, and countless others take the stage. Until then ... ("linda richman in coffee talk" voice) I'll give you a topic ... Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island, discuss ...