Friday, December 9, 2011

chuck weis? really? chuck weis?

I am all for teams I don't care about making stupid hirings.

For example, I whole-heartedly endorsed MU hiring Frank Haith as its basketball coach. Frank Haith has as much qualification to be a D1 basketball coach as I do -- he's inept, he's incompetent, he's at best a mediocre recruiter, and he certainly would make any fan of a program that hired him pause for a moment, and then scream "THEY HIRED HIM!?!?!?!" in response to said hiring.

Yesterday, the college football team I root for, that until the awful Turner Gill hire I had season tickets for, hired Chuck Weis to run its program. Let that sink in -- a FBS level school, in a BCS conference, hired the man who roo-eened Notre Dame football to "turn its program around".

Which would make sense ... if KU was still Mark Mangino-era good. Because the only turning Chuck Weis is going to do, is of a negative kind. I'm not sure how you can do worse than 1-24 in your last 25 conference games ... but if anyone can do it, its Chuck Weis.

(Actually, I need to correct that last paragraph -- Chuck Weis is going to cause some turning. Of Don Fambrough in his grave.)

I'm sick. I'm disgusted. I'm infuriated that the best KU can do in replacing Turner Gill, a man "affectionately" known on this site as Coach Cornf*cker, I'm infuriated that the best we can apparently do in replacing Turner Gill, is to hire a man who destroyed one of, if not the, most prominently known D1 programs in America.

This hire is Steve Rule 34 at its finest.

You know, Steve Rule 34. "Anytime you make a decision, and find that the reaction to that decision is that people say "you'd have to be mentally retarded or named Steve to have done that!", just assume you've f*cked up". Well, last time I checked, my name is Steve, and I think this is a mentally retarded decision ... so its DEFINITELY retarded.

This is a screw-up worse than hiring Turner Gill, worse than entrusting the program to Mike Gottfried, even worse than allowing Glen Mason to come back after he accepted the Georgia job in 1995. This one trumps them all.

Because we ALL know going in how this is going to end. And it's not going to end well.

This is the equivalent of Scott Pioli firing Todd Haley in a month to hire Josh McDaniels. (And yes, I am fully aware that is a 50/50 prop bet right now. Please, don't remind me.)

This is the equivalent of firing Mark Mangino for a coach who was 20-30 at Buffalo, and handing him a $10 million guaranteed contract for his "achievements" to date. Not the Bills -- the University of Buffalo. (Wait, KU did that last time? Jesus f*cking Christ.)

To compare this to how utterly retarded it truly is, this is the equivalent of an owner meeting with his head coach after a 4-12 season, emerging from said meeting, and then announcing at a press conference regarding his head coach that "well, he didn't quit, and I didn't fire him, so I guess he'll be back". (Note: if you ever wonder why the Detroit Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL, look no further than their ownership. The previous quote was actually stated by Lions owner William Clay Ford regarding his head coach at the time, Wayne Fontes.

I got a text at about 10:40 last night from "The Voice of Reason" (who, to his credit, hates this hire even more than I do, and I just invoked Steve Rule 34 in arguing against it), noting that "well, he might be able to get Jim Leavitt as DC". Here's a hint, Sheahon Zenger and whatever the f*ck consulting firm you used to make this insane hire: when the BEST argument in favor of the hire is who said coach's coordinators might be? You have SERIOUSLY f*cked the pooch. Christ, we're beyond f*cking said pooch, we're into anal territory at this point.

This is the single most stupid, retarded, indefensible thing a KU AD has ever done for one of the two major programs. (Three if you count baseball). Terry Allen, Turner Gill, Mike Gottfried, firing Mark Mangino, firing Don Fambrough twice, hiring Ted Owens, all more defensible than this. Hell, hiring Al Bohl to run the entire athletic department is more defensible than this -- at least Al Bohl had the presence of mind to hire Pat Hill at Fresno State.

Pat Hill -- he's still available. God forbid we hire a f*cking coach who coaches UP his team, as opposed to someone who rides his predecessor's recruits for two years, and then when his kids arrive, the thing craters to 3-9, 5-7, and 6-6.

I defy anyone reading this to defend this hire. Because outside of getting one day of national publicity, all of which is basically "they hired who?!?!" howls of laughter, what possible justification is there for this? What, Mike's Montana Steakhouse's buffet line was missing a jolly fat man every Tuesday night cleaning them out? Joe College had a surplus of "Our Coach is Phat" or "Our Coach Beat Anorexia" t-shirts still to hawk off in violation of a court order? This is the single worst possible outcome from the coaching search, save for re-hiring Turner Gill. And honestly? I'd rather have Gill than Weis. How ridiculous is that, that a KU fan can honestly type "I'd rather have Turner Gill than Chuck Weis as my head coach", and mean it?

There will be KU fans who will preach patience, who will say "give it a chance". To which I reply, unedited: bullshit. There's no need to "give this a chance", because we all know how this will end. Probably three years from now, with another multi-million dollar buyout, after winning what, 2 or 3 conference games in those three years? I'll give Chuckie this -- he probably won't lose to North Dakota State. But he sure as all hell won't beat Georgia Tech, like Turner Gill did in his second game. Or Virginia Tech, like Mark Mangino did in the biggest bowl game KU has ever played.

Or Texas Tech, as Terry Allen did two of the three times he faced them.

If this is the best Sheahon Zenger can do ... its time to buy him out as well. Because if this is his best, it's not good enough. It's not even close. I've felt a lot of things as a KU football fan over the years. Anger. Rage. One brief bit of ecstasy in 2007. One really happy moment rushing the field after the "Sur"render of a lifetime that fall.

Today? I feel nothing but embarrassment. In three short years, KU has gone from the Orange Bowl, to hitting its knees in a pathetic attempt to recruit the man who destroyed Irish football to take the job. Embarrassment. I'm guessing the colors of that word are crimson and blue ...

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