Sunday, December 25, 2011

chiefs! raiders! where "anyone but denver!" happens ...

“Baby I thought you and me would stand the test of time.
Like we got away with the perfect crime.
But we were just a legend in my mind.
I guess that I was blind.

Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade?
The clowns wore those smiles that wouldn’t fade?
You and I were the renegades,
And some things never change.

It made me so mad cause I wanted it bad for us baby.
Now it’s so sad cause whatever we had ain’t worth saving ...

If the love that I’ve got for you is gone?
If the river I’ve cried ain’t that long?
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong,
And this ain’t a love song.

If the pain that I’m feeling so strong
Ain’t the reason I’m holding on?
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong,
And this ain’t a love song ...”

-- “This Ain’t a Love Song” by Bon Jovi.

-------------------------

First of all, congratulations to the oakland raiders. Whatever I may think of what I paid to witness yesterday, they earned that win. Romeo Crennel threw every damned thing in the arsenal at oakland’s offense. Truly, the Chiefs defensive effort yesterday was one of the most epically coached games I have ever seen. We made one mistake all day long on defense.

Unfortunately, that mistake occurred at the one moment we couldn’t allow it to occur, on a gorgeous 55 yard bomb to open overtime from carson palmer to darrius heyward-bey, setting up the raiders in gimme field goal position, and finally putting the finishing nails into the coffin of the Chiefs 2011 season.

But up until that play? The atmosphere in that stadium, the play on the field, for anyone who ever wonders what it was like in the 1990s, what it was like in the Marty years, to play at Arrowhead? THAT is what it was like. I loved it. Except for, you know, the whole ending to the game.

Having said that, there were three things made painfully obvious in that game yesterday, three things that the euphoria over shocking the Packers hid for a week, but the raiders drug out into the middle of the room and put on full display for all Chiefs fans to deal with, and those three things are this:

1. Romeo Crennel has as much business being a head coach as I do.  After not overruling that fourth down QB (non) sneak?  FIREABLE offense.  CAPITALIZATION on FIREABLE.  Because sorry Romeo, I love what you did with the D the last two years, but when you FLUNK Stevo Rule 34, I have no use for you.  Sorry.  It's over.  Do not pass go, do not collect your $200, and for f*cks sake, figure out that on fourth and a godd*mned chain link, you do NOT call a 7 yard delayed handoff, you FALL FORWARD and take the godd*mned chain link! 

Seriously, I have not been that outraged at a playcall by the Chiefs at Arrowhead, since either (a) the fake punt against denver in 2009, or (b) not going for 4th and 1 against denver in 2002.  Both of those games led to epic Stevo meltdowns and multiple sick days from me drinking the disgust away.  Color me shocked that I managed to crawl out of bed for Chrismukkah today.  Shocked.

2. Bill Muir has less business being the play caller than a five year old who has to wear a padded helmet for his own protection. Either Muir is mentally retarded, or he's suffering from senility.  Those are the only two acceptable explanations for that fourth down play call with seven to play, down 4, near midfield, on 4th and a chain link.  Either he's mentally retarded, or he's lost his mind.  Either way, he's not qualified to call plays.  Oh, and ...

3. Whatever it costs, the Chiefs MUST acquire a franchise quarterback this offseason. If that means dealing multiple first round picks, do it. If that means tossing in established players to sweeten the deal, do it. Scott Pioli, what you saw yesterday should make painfully obvious to you that the Matt Cassel experiment will not work. You MUST pay WHATEVER the cost is to acquire a franchise quarterback, and you MUST do it by the time the Chiefs are on the clock on the last Thursday in April.

I’m not here today to bash the Chiefs effort – it was perfect yesterday. And in many ways, I’m here today to give genuine praise to these guys. Who would have ever thought, walking into the Vikings game three months ago, that the Chiefs would be one 49 yard field goal attempt away from controlling the fate of the division? (Or more specifically, one dropped gimme touchdown pass by Dwayne Bowe in the second quarter. If the Chiefs franchise Bowe instead of Brandon Carr, the fanbase should march en masse to One Arrowhead Drive, and refuse to leave until Scott Pioli is either fired or lynched, and I don’t give a damn which option Clark Hunt chooses.  For the record, I vote "lynch", there's no hope for you if you opt for Bowe over Carr, so just pull the f*cking plug.)

As I noted before heading in yesterday, whatever happens, these guys never quit. They never gave up. Even to the bitter end, after bey made the catch and every person in the stadium knew oakland was going to win, the defense still forced the raiders to lose yardage on the next two plays (janikowski kicked the game winner on 3rd down). They fought to the bitter end. For that, I will always be grateful for the 2011 Chiefs. If nothing else, we know the make-up of this team is set for years to come. They aren’t soft, like the Herm era Chiefs. They don’t lay down on defense, like the Vermeil era Chiefs. They don’t look completely befuddled and confused, like the Gunther era Chiefs.

For the first time since 1997, we have a team with the proper emotional make-up to win in this league. Now all we need to do is get a quarterback that plays at a franchise-type level when it matters most, with the game on the line. Oh, and a head coach whose name is not Romeo Crennel.

As always, here’s your (slightly later than) morning after recap ...

* Something I forgot to mention from last week: some dude trying to see all 31 NFL stadiums, made his way around before the Packers game, and posted some pretty sweet pics of our tailgating setup on his website. Phil and “Texas” and Grandma (our tailgating neighbors) take up the end of page 4 of the early morning pics, and our group takes up most of page one of the mid-morning pics. (And yes, I am the “definitely inebriated, possibly high” guy in shorts and a Santa hat in pictures 4 and 5 of the mid-morning pics. Ladies, amazingly enough – I am single. And I have few if any moral standards!  I mean, look at that sexy guy in the shorts! How could you not want to tap that?!?! Let’s move on before my mom keels over dead from embarrassment and/or fear of grandkid numero quatro (again, ladies? none of them mine!) after reading this paragraph ...)

* Only four people rode the Bus yesterday: me, Russ, Mona and Susan. Everyone else was coming separately because they had various holiday get-togethers to go to. Which begs two obvious questions, and I ask these knowing full well that I blew off the first of two family get-togethers yesterday*, and that I’m going to catch hell for it later today:

1. What idiot schedules a holiday get-together in the middle of a Chiefs game? Or, if you lived in say western Nebraska, what moron would schedule a holiday get-together in the middle of the broncos game? Exactly. You don’t do it. It’s your team, fighting for its season’s life. For crying out loud, it’s ridiculous. Here’s a thought -- if you have ANY doubts about what time to schedule a major get-together, please, think of the biggest sports fan you know of, and give him or her a call to confirm that nothing big in the sporting world is going down at your proposed event time. Trust me, you won’t regret it. And if anything, your guests who are being forced at gunpoint to attend your event will appreciate you for it. (cue “the voice of reason” nodding violently in agreement ...) And also:

2. If you do schedule these things in the midst of a must-win game for the home team, you void any and all right to hold someone failing to show up against them. Don’t schedule something for 3pm when the game doesn’t end until 3:15, and then you still have to factor in drive time home, clean up time, and drive time across town. Don’t schedule something for 3 when the earliest someone can be there is 5:30, then get all b*tchy about said person not showing. Deal? Deal.

(*: if you had “Stevo missed the family function that involved going to Mass”, congratulations, you’re a winner! That’s another thing that bugs me, folks who have no use for religion 50 weeks a year, then show up for Easter and Christmas, as if that makes the other 50 weeks excusable. I mean, you’re kidding right? You really don’t think the higher power you’re showing reverence for can’t see through the charade? And to think people wonder why I so strongly believe in Stevo Rule 11.)

* The gates opened early! Wide open and ready to go by 8am. That came as a total shock, because the line to get in wasn’t even halfway back to Stadium Drive yet, when our parking attendant came by, took the parking stub, and announced “5 minutes (til we open)”. I had to haul ass to save spots (since I was the only one there to do it). Luckily, no problems.

* For being the last home game of the year, being played on December 24th, you know what? Zero weather complaints. Especially once you got inside. It was freaking HOT in the lower bowl yesterday. It felt like 80 degrees in there for most of the game, and I am not joking about that. We had one empty by us yesterday as (sadly) Chris had slipped and fallen on some ice, and didn’t head out as a precaution (Dr. Frank thought she might have suffered a slight concussion.) Her chair quickly became a closet, as people were shedding coats and sweatshirts like there was no tomorrow. By the third quarter, I was down to a t-shirt, so was the guy in front of me, and nobody had on a coat anymore. You couldn’t ask for better for a December home game. When you consider the only crappy weather game we had was the Sunday nighter against Pittsburgh, and that wasn’t crappy at all, just a little bit cold, we lucked out big time. Let’s hope that continues into 2012!

* The menu yesterday was an assortment of smoked items. raider ribs, corned beef, ham, turkey, with some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, lasagna, and chili as the side items. (See, I told you that you didn’t want to miss this game.) Perfect way to close out 2011.

(Well, except we still have one game to go, but its on the road, and technically, its in 2012. Plus its my birthday game, against those f*ckers from denver. Let’s ruin their season guys. Let’s f*cking RUIN their season!!!)

* Yes, I noted to EVERY raiders fan by me yesterday (all of which were shockingly tolerable) “anyone but denver. If you guys win, go win this division. ANYONE but denver. For as much as raider fans allegedly hate San Diego more, you didn’t see it yesterday – all five of them by me said the same thing in return, if we can’t win this, then go pound denver next week. Can it be? Has timmy tebow united multiple fan bases together through hate and disgust? Who says the man isn’t Christ-like!

* We wound up with close to 15 by the time everyone got there, including “The Crush” and her sister and dad.

* Phil and his crew decided to create a “Beer Christmas tree”, by hanging their empty beer cans on the newly planted tree next to them as ornaments. I thought it was awesome. I even added a Coors Light or two as my contribution.



(a beer-mukkah miracle!  photo: me via the whatever the hell brand flip camera thingy i have is.)

* Should probably back up a minute or two to the pre-pre-party on Friday night. We’re sitting around the table talking, and Josh’s sister is there. From the “what are the f*cking odds?!?!” file, or at least the “it IS a small world after all” department, I’m being polite, making small talk, and ask her what she does, because I swear to God, from the second I walked in the door and saw her, I was like “I know this chick from somewhere”. And I was pretty sure it wasn’t from a random Friday night pickup at the Eclipse.

I forget what her current job is, but she notes “before that, I worked for an insurance company”. I was like “really? I’ve been in insurance for twelve years, who’d you work for?” If you had Transamerica, congratulations! She was in the C&L department (where my 2nd of my 3 bosses this year managed until TA up and moved five years ago), so she and I started rattling off names of people we knew, and what they were up to (if we knew anything about them).

I mention this for two reasons.

1. She has spent time on the couch at Stubbs. If you’ve ever spent time on the couch at Stubbs, you’re a solid person in my book, save for one guy. And sure as sh*t, the reason I found out she’d spent time on the couch? Was because:

2. Actual conversation as best I remember it:

(his sister) Hey you remember a guy named Ben Clark?
(stevo) (nearly spits out glass of merlot)
(stevo) (getting angry) Yeah!  Deadbeat ex-roommate!
(everyone else) (laughing at my reaction)
(stevo) (fully enraged) That f*cker owes me and Dusty thousands of dollars! (slams fist on table)
(his sister) I take it you two aren’t friends.
(stevo) not since the day we forcibly evicted him.
(his sister) Wait.  You did what?

So I got to retell the story of one of my favorite days of 2008, the night DJ finally reached his breaking point and kicked his ass to the curb. Ben even cried. It was neat. Hopefully he’s found a semi-warm cardboard box under a dangerous overpass in a really unsafe part of town to live at by now.

(Should probably note, 2008 had many good days – my nephew was born, KU won the national championship, the upset of denver at Arrowhead, the Olympics, the conventions, meeting “the ex” and “boasheao”, my first ever float trip (and go figure, who knew I’d love a trip that involves sitting in the sun, drinking yourself silly, so much that now I go monthly in the summer, and I’d go bi-weekly if I could find anyone else to go that much). But no two days may have made me happier than kicking his ass out, and the night a (possibly) intoxicated Stevo and (possibly) influenced Dusty finally had enough of his remaining sh*t cluttering up the basement, so we moved everything to the burn pile out back and lit it up. We don’t need no water, let that mother f*cker burn! Burn! I think I have anger management issues. Anyways, back to the recap!)

* “The Crush” and I teamed up at washers against Anthony and Jaimmie. I’m beginning to think I’m the weak link at this game, as once again, Team Stevo got crushed.

* Had to love Megan’s reaction when “Don’t Stop Believin’” came on the iPod. Her dad and I were talking at that point, and her dad goes “that’s her karaoke song”. So yes, for the next four minutes, we got the full on concert. I loved it. If only because ten minutes later, my karaoke song came on, “Sweet Caroline”.

That, and the moment I knew this girl was a keeper, was the first time I remember her being over on the couch at Stubbs, and her phone rang, and the ringtone was “Don’t Stop Believin’”. And she didn’t pick it because of the Sopranos finale a few weeks earlier. That’s a keeper.

* My drink of choice yesterday was vodka and what I believed was apple juice. Uuh, it wasn’t – it was apple pie shots. Let me just say, adding vodka to that concoction, takes it to a whole other level of goodness.

* Sign you might enjoy alcohol a little: when you bring an extra pan, just so you can boil the Everclear and the apple pie shots on the grill.

* Sign I might have enjoyed alcohol a little too much Friday night: I forgot the dugout in the car. There was at least one fellow tailgater ready to whip my ass over that brain fart (deservedly so), and sadly, I didn’t have DJ coming later to bail me out. Sucks to be me sometimes. Especially how good the stuff in there right now is.

* Before I get into the game highlights, and I’ll have more to say about this next point later tonight (hopefully) or tomorrow, when I finally post “The Annual Column” (and yes, I have been saving it to be Post 500 on this site. This post is 499. I figured if I drug it out, I could time it with Christmas and maybe 500 posts. I’m SNEAKY good like that!), let me thank the new additions to tailgating this year, and extend a warm open invite to please, join us this summer for Royals tailgates, and please, come back next fall to reclaim our division title that either denver or oakland is going to desecrate next week. To Anthony and Jaimmie, Paul and whoever the chick is with him (I apologize, I am TURRIBLE with names. Ask Tony and Lisa ... I mean, Jeff and Paula, who I still somehow call Tony and Lisa FIVE FREAKING YEARS after they started tailgating with us), Michael and Ana and everyone else in that group, please, don’t be strangers.

Royals tailgating starts in mid-April. Hell, if the group we had for San Diego, for denver, for Green Bay, that was a well-oiled machine by oakland, if we get that throughout the summer and promises for the fall? I will break my own stated convictions and possibly attend a preseason game next summer. Possibly. I ain’t promising sh*t until I see what crappy squad I’m asked to pay $80 plus parking to watch scrimmage against.

Which reminds me ...

* Thank you Chiefs organization for lowering our season ticket costs next year! That has NEVER happened since I started paying for my ticket 12 years ago. NEVER. Thank you for that $40 savings. I promise I will spend it irresponsibly either filling up the cooler with beer, or the dugout with something other than beer. And possibly putting some vodka in the flask.

* We broke down and headed in about 11:15am. Let’s just say, it was a very late arriving crowd yesterday. Lot G didn’t fill up back to our location until we were walking it, and usually G is overflowing by 10:30.

* Funniest moment pre-game: it was Fan Appreciation Day yesterday, and this chick behind me goes “how do they know the name of the person sitting in that seat” when they gave away 2012 season tickets to someone. Really? You have to ask? It’s called “rigged for season ticket holders” dear. “Rigged for season ticket holders”.

* KC Wolf sketch: Wolf gets accosted by some raiders fans, chases raiders fans down tunnel, find a conveniently placed ATV, and proceeded to chase raiders fans down and beat them senseless. A+ effort!

* Some dude on a trumpet played the National Anthem. Let’s just say, it had nowhere near the emotional impact that the sole trumpeter at IMS playing “Taps” in the 500 pre-race program has.

* Chiefs win the toss, choose to defer. First brain fart of the day. Always take the ball guys, especially in overtime. Always take the ball.

* raiders return the kick to the Chiefs 14. I was about apoplectic for the missed blatant block in the back oakland got away with. It would be just about the only thing oakland got away with all day – Mike Carey and his crew were beyond flag happy, right down to the point that Justin, the raiders fan in front of me, turned around right before the coin flip for overtime and goes “they should just toss a flag, they’ve been pretty good as tossing those all day”. Brought the section down. I love fans with a sense of humor, even if they probably just escaped from prison and/or are on a weekend furlough.

* I noted up front that the Chiefs D was flawless virtually all day – this opening drive was no exception, as the raiders had to settle for a field goal after three meaningless plays.

* After a Chiefs punt, carson palmer is intercepted by DJ, and the Chiefs are in business at the raiders 35. Cue a new (and hopefully very short lived) post gimmick I’m going to call “WWYDIYWBM”. “What Would You Do If You Were Bill Muir?”

The situation: 3rd and 6 at the oakland 8 yard line, trailing 3-0, late 1st quarter.

The four options:
a. Kyle Orton rollout, keeping run or pass as an option.
b. Kyle Orton shotgun, ensuring pass, but with four receiver options.
c. Shotgun handoff to Thomas Jones.
d. Assume you can’t make first down, and kick the field goal.

Amazingly, Ol’ Bill didn’t choose option (d) ... but he did choose option (c). Go figure, TJ gets nothing, and for the third time in two weeks, the Chiefs kick a field goal of 25 yards or shorter. Don’t worry – it wasn’t the last time that would happen yesterday.

* After trading a pair of punts, the raiders drive to the Chiefs 35, and line up for the long field goal. And in the second of at least four “WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU THINKING?!?!” moments on special teams yesterday, the raiders fake the field goal, and shane lechler completes a gorgeous pass to a wide open gunner, who rumbles untouched for the touchdown.

Thankfully ... it’s the oakland raiders. Who are flagged for a delay of game penalty. janikowski misses the ensuing 59 yarder off the crossbar, no damage done.

* The Chiefs take over, and aided by three oakland penalties, are in business inside the 15 with a 2nd and 6. THIS is the play that cost us the game. Ignore Succup’s blocked field goals – THIS is the play that did us in, as Dwayne Bowe drops a gimme pass in the end zone. It was in his hands. There were no defenders there to make the play. He took a step, and dropped the ball, he just dropped it.

Again, Mr. Pioli – if you franchise this waste of space over Brandon Carr, you should be fired on the spot, if not hung from a tree as an angry mob in white sheets with burning torches cheers said hanging. We don’t need Dwayne Bowe to win in 2012. If anything, he kept us from winning in 2011. Let someone else deal with his worthless ass.

* The very next play after the dropped touchdown, Kyle Orton shows why he’s Kyle Orton, and is picked in the end zone on a horrifically thrown ball that even I would have intercepted. There wasn’t a Chiefs receiver within 10 feet of where the ball was thrown. If either Kyle Orton or Matt Cassel is under center on Opening Day next year, I’ll be prepared to don the sheet and light the torch, with a noose in my hand.

* Thankfully, it’s the raiders, and carson palmer immediately chucks an INT back to the Chiefs, as Javier Arenas intercepts a long pass on 3rd down. Chiefs have the ball at their own 35 at the two minute warning, and drive down the field, setting up the first of Succup’s 49 yard attempts. Succup had just tied the franchise record for most field goals consecutively made earlier in the quarter, so of course, richard seymour comes untouched up the middle and block this attempt at the end of the half. We’re tied at 3 headed to the locker rooms, and the Chiefs get the ball to open the half. I can live with it.

* Couldn’t tell you a thing about halftime – I ran to the bathroom, grabbed a few beverages for our section, and by the time I got back, the teams were back on the field. That’s a successful halftime in my book.

* Chiefs go three and out to open the half, and oakland immediately responds with a gorgeous 60 yard touchdown bomb by carson palmer. The coverage was there, the throw was that perfect. Disgusting. 10-3 oakland after the extra point.

* The Chiefs respond, driving 70 plus yards in a little under four minutes, converting a huge 2nd and 20 along the way, to kick a field goal and pull to within 10-6.

* After forcing a three and out, the Chiefs again are driving, having reached oakland territory and facing a 3rd and short. Unfortunately, Kyle Orton was under center for us, and threw another horrendous pass that the raiders intercepted. Just like with the final play of the Steelers game, Dwayne Bowe appeared to do nothing to break up the pass. But just like with the final play of the Steelers game, unless Dwayne Bowe has a 20 foot wingspan, there was nothing he could do.

* And once again, Romeo’s defense was up to the challenge, as was the crowd. It was very loud in there, and the defense forced a three and out. No damage done, especially in light of the fact that Succup wasn’t hitting a 53 yard field goal. Not yesterday, anyways.

* The Chiefs again get a drive going, and face a 4th and 1 at their own 43 with about 6 minutes to play. And by 4th and 1, I mean fourth and maybe an inch. Literally less than a chain link after the measurement. The Chiefs had no choice, they had to go, down 4, at home, in a must win game, and needing a simple inch to keep the drive alive.

Unfortunately, Bill Muir calls our plays. In section 132, this hot as hell almost 35 year old was screaming “just fall forward! Just snap the f*cking ball and fall forward!” Of course, the Chiefs call a drawn out delayed handoff. Battle is stuffed for a loss. I was irate. That was an indefensible play call, and anyone who defends it has no f*cking clue how to call an offense in the NFL, or a Pee Wee league team. If Romeo Crennel had a clue, he would have overruled that play call. Not overruling it is a fireable offense in my book. He’s Herm Junior folks. If you want Herm Edwards running this team, then please, let’s hire Romeo Crennel. If like me you aspire for something more than a 9-7 wildcard berth, please, let’s hire someone who can do better than that.

* The raiders drive 30 yards over the next 4 minutes, executing a near perfect drive. They bled four minutes off the clock, moved into gimme field goal range, and hit said field goal, taking a touchdown lead at 13-6 with 2:57 to play. The way the Chiefs had played all day, there was not one legitimate reason to think they could get the score they needed.

That’s why they play the game.

* And if I’m going to rip him when he f*cks up, like on his previous play call on 4th down ... then I have to praise him when he gets the situation perfectly called. And Bill Muir’s play calling on this drive, was flawless. A 15 yard pass to D Bowe gets us to our 35. Another quick pass to Bowe moves us to midfield. And then, coming out of the two minute warning, THE play call of the year.

Facing 2nd and 10 at midfield, facing a heavy oakland blitz, Muir had a delayed screen to DMC called. It worked PERFECTLY, as McCluster avoided the first wave of defenders, and it was a footrace to the end zone! To the 20, the 10, the 5 ... tackled at the 3. Son of a b*tch. The way Kyle Orton plays in the red zone, any Chiefs fan had to be concerned.

Except that the very next play? Was a gorgeous pass to Steve Breaston in the front corner of the end zone. Touchdown! Holy crap, we’ve caught them!

* I hadn't cried in that stadium since "The Stand II" to open the 2010 season.  Yes, I cried after Breaston's touchdown yesterday.  If that means I need to "man up", then a certain broncos fan who reads this site somewhat religiously can go eff herself.  You NEVER apologize for enjoying a moment like that was.  NEVER.

(That, and the last time I checked, we have "indisputable visual evidence" of your husband crying at your wedding.  In his defense, I'd have been balling too ... but if he didn't have to "man up", then godd*mmit, I'm not either.)

(Oh, and off the top of my head, I can recall 9 moments I've cried in that stadium the last 12 years, since I moved back here after college and was guaranteed to show up every week (other than pesky airport delays or flu bugs getting in the way of said showing up)?  Adam Vinatieri's missed FG from 23 yards as time expired, vs Patriots in 1999; Mike Cloud's punt block vs Rams in 2000; Dante Hall's return vs denver in 2003; LJ's last second TD plunge vs oakland in 2005; "The Stand" confirmed on replay, vs denver in 2005; "Brave" Bennie Sapp taunting the donkeys on their bench in 2006; LJ's touchdown run to clinch the win vs denver in 2008; "The Stand II" vs San Diego in 2010; and Orton to Breaston to keep hope alive yesterday.  9 in 12 years ... although I cried enough after LJ's run to beat those f*ckers in 2008 that it probably counts as 23,093,653,587 times.  "Man Up".  Come on.)

* And have I mentioned yet how solid Romeo’s defense was yesterday? The raiders immediately go 3 and out, the final play of which was nearly intercepted by Kendrick Lewis at the raiders 30. Ultimately, it didn’t matter, as the Chiefs would reach the raiders 30 ...

* Through more rock solid offensive play calling. Knowing we had two timeouts, which meant we could throw it anywhere, Muir took advantage of that, hitting Bowe over the middle for 25, then hitting Terence Copper for 11 to move it into makeable field goal range.

A 49 yard attempt.

* The raiders didn’t ice the kicker. That surprised me. They had one timeout left, and I thought for sure they’d try to ice Succup. Maybe that’s why the blocking scheme seemed so wrong, maybe they expected a timeout. Whatever happened, Seymour again blocked a 49 yard field goal attempt. We’re headed to overtime.

* And for the first time since “The Voice of Reason” and ... hang on, he needs a nickname ... ooh got it! ... for the first time since “The Voice of Reason” and (old school college naming voice) “bts” were flipping a coin to determine how to bet a football game three years ago, I texted the following:

“lets go coin!”

Just like the short-lived life of “The Coin” ... it didn’t end well. raiders win the toss, choose to receive.

* And open with the bomb to heyward-bey. My God, what a pass! And I say that as someone ready to vomit in the stands watching it unfold – what a pass! Any Chiefs fan who still doubts that we MUST mortgage EVERY GODD*MNED THING IT TAKES to get a franchise quarterback under center come next September 10th or 11th, didn’t watch that play in overtime yesterday. THAT is why you trade first round picks, second round picks, Christ, that’s why you circumvent the salary cap like those hated f*ckers in denver did for YEARS in the late 1990s – THAT is why you do WHATEVER it takes to get a franchise quarterback under center.

Because you WILL NOT REGRET IT.

And if you doubt me? These are the teams already into the playoff field. New England (Brady), Baltimore (Flacco), Pittsburgh (Roethlisberger), Houston (Schaub, albeit he’s out with injury); Green Bay (Rodgers), 49ers (Smith), Saints (Brees), Lions (Stafford). Other than the 49ers, who play in the worst division in NFL history three years running, would you take ANY of those seven quarterbacks over what we have, on a neutral field, in the middle of March? Absolutely. Scott Pioli, you MUST address the quarterback situation, and you MUST do it this offseason, by the last Thursday in April, come about 8:30, 8:35 CT the way the draft currently stands.

* Of course, the raiders did what any reasonable, rational team would do after that bomb of a completion – two meaningless handoffs to set the hashmark, send in a kicker who should be a first ballot Hall of Famer, and ballgame. oakland still alive for the division and the wildcard. The Chiefs season over, save for spoiling those f*ckers in denver’s season. (And in case you can’t tell, it’s donkeys week baybee! The f bombs are FLYING as this post goes along!!!)

* Postgame, a very sad walk out. I’d had to pee since about the 8 minute mark, so I sprinted to the men’s room. You could have dropped a pin in there and heard it fall, the fans remaining were so apoplectic. The walk out was beyond depressing. Most depressing? Larry and Carl weren’t there yesterday! How does that happen? How the hell do two die-hard Chiefs fans who’ve been sneaking through the gates since I was in high school miss the biggest regular season home game in twelve years? I can guess – dumb yet well intentioned wives scheduling holiday get-togethers with no regard for the Chiefs schedule.

* The only moment of note on the walk out – I got stuck behind a drunk as sh*t raiders fan (cue the “wait, there’s any other kind?!?!” moment of acknowledgement ... aah, denver and Chiefs fans. I hate you, you hate me, but at least we aren’t oakland fans!!!), anyways, this guy is nine sheets to the wind. He’s making the late Senator Kennedy on Chappaquiddick night proud. And as a Chiefs fan walking out with his six, seven year old son asks the guy to “tone down on the profanity”, this poster child for the positives of abortion drops multiple expletives, grabs a can of beer (he’s holding three), and begins spraying the dude’s kid with it. I was irate. Normally, I tolerate just about anything ... because let’s face it, “Stevo spraying a can of beer in a six year old denver’s fan’s face” is absolutely something that wouldn’t shock anyone reading this. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t served a jello shot to a 13 year old before. (Although I still contend she was 15, and that was NOT her first rodeo with a jello shot, so to speak. And yes, to this day, I thank GOD she didn’t ask for one of the cookies we had that day ...)

Anyways, this asshat is spraying beer on a six, seven year old kid. I’m furious. Nobody is stopping this, and the kid and his dad walk away before it gets worse. So I walk up behind this waste of life, put my arm on his back shoulder, and go “you know, you are all class pal, all class.” raiders fan responds with a “whatever”, and I go “all class”, as I walk past him.

(cue gregg knowing exactly where I’m going next moment of clarity)

“All class ... except without the c, and without the l”.

Phil and his crew heard it and started laughing out loud hysterically. raiders fan was stuck – he was too drunk to comprehend what I said, but he could reasonably figure out I’d made fun of him. I happily accepted a Coors Light from “Texas”, and began to drink the sorrow of the day away.

* No postgame music. Couldn’t justify it. After adding a couple more cans to our “Christmas Tree”, it was off for the Bus Barn, for some postgame drinking, some sobering up (yeah, right), and a sprint to make my second family holiday party of the day.

* Not much of a postgame. I had a couple glasses of wine, then headed home to shower and clean up for the in-laws party last night that went really well. After that, it was off for home, and a somewhat good night’s sleep.

* Which of course, means the season is effectively over. The Chiefs are playing for nothing other than pride ... and to RUIN those f*ckers season on Sunday, something I pray to everything that anyone considers to be holy will occur. The denver broncos have missed the playoffs the last five years and counting. Three of those years, they have entered week 17 simply needing to win and get in. All three times, they have failed ... and all three times, you can point to a loss to the Chiefs as the reason why they failed to get in (Thanksgiving Night 2006 gave us tiebreaker; the Week 4 Upset in 2008 to end 346 days of defeat gave San Diego the tiebreaker, and our win at denver in 2009 in the season finale sent the Jets to the playoffs.

If we can deal them a 4th crushing choke job in six years? Then 2011 will go down as a memorable, albeit unfulfilling, season. A season that began with so much hope and potential (at least in my eyes), came crashing down in the end ... but damn if it didn’t give us some remarkable highs (and despondent lows).

Because no matter what I think of these guys, of this season ... if I'm wrong?  Then every damned word I've ever written about these guys ain't a love song.  And I know I ain't wrong ...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How could you forget to add Wynette into the postgame??????

The "Ex"