Monday, February 13, 2012

the biggest joke in the metro area

sk: in the interest of fairness, you can click here for KCATA, and here for The JO. Although after today, why you'd ever want to click on either link, I have no idea. Unless its to vent your frustration, anger, and abject disgust at what passes as "mass transit" in a metro area of 2.3 million people, then click away!!!

sk: should probably also note, my car is in the shop with "engine issues". Hence my frustration. Although after "experiencing" all that the KCATA and The JO have to offer? No wonder nobody uses mass transit in this area. What a mother f*cking joke our mass transit is ...


There’s a few things I’ve been meaning to unload on lately … but this one? This one takes the cake.

Riddle me this, Batman. Let’s say a person who holds a decent, respectable job, and that person lives less than a mile from a MAX bus terminal, needs a ride to work on a Monday morning. And let’s say that person’s ride to work would encompass driving approximately 8 miles (exit 69 to exit 77) on Interstate 435. If this person were to drive his own vehicle on this route, it would take him approximate 15 minutes at the height of rush hour (25-30 if there’s a traffic issue due to a wreck / stalled vehicle, etc.)

How long would you venture a trip from the MAX terminal at Bannister and Drury (in the parking lot where Bannister Mall used to be) to College and Metcalf would take?

I put the over/under at 50 minutes. I figured there’d be at least a few stops along the way (figuring the KCATA was too damned stupid to have freeway bus service), and I built in the stoplights on Bannister or Red Bridge that drive you bat shit crazy (because they’re not synched up, especially on Red Bridge at Little Blue and Wornall).

Uum, well …

I undersold the KCATA … by TWO F*CKING HOURS! Not only would a trip from a MAX Bus Center (also known as a park-and-ride) take 2 hours and 55 minutes according to the KCATA’s own site … said route would not ONCE deposit you on a freeway, and in fact, there is not a single direct bus route at ANY TIME DURING THE DAY from South KC to South Johnson County.

I freely admit, I’m the slowest person walking the planet, so I did a double take at typing in my hoped for route into work this morning … then did a triple take. See, my car is in the shop because it is having engine issues. I won’t have an operational motor vehicle until later Tuesday at the earliest. But I still hoped to at least make it in to work today, since I missed Friday due to the flu bug sweeping my department.

The earliest I could have arrived, using our “state of the art mass transit system”, would be 11:59am … and that assumes it would only take me 22 minutes to WALK from 119th and Roe, to College and Metcalf. (With as cold as it is today, and as snow covered as the sidewalks are, I’m guessing 22 minutes is a generous proposition.)

And if I needed a ride home? I’d have to leave by 3:16pm, walk said 22 minutes back to Rosana Square, and pray the bus was on time … just so I could travel 11 miles out of my way to 55th and Troost, before traveling back to my destination three hours later.

So here’s today’s first b*tch: mass transit in Kansas City is a mother f*cking JOKE. The Kansas City Area Transit Authority should have a flame-thrower taken to it, and clean house from top to bottom.

Let me get this straight: (dierks bentley voice) Am I the only one who wants to have fun tonight? No, wait, let me rephrase that: am I the only person who lives in District 6 (South KC, Ruskin, Grandview Area) that has a job in Johnson County? Because I find that hard to believe. And am I the only person who might need to use public transit to work every now and then from District 6 to south JoCo? Again, I find that extremely hard to believe. And to further hammer the point home: how the f*ck is there not a SINGLE route from a park-and-ride depot to the heart of JoCo’s business district (the College Boulevard corridor) not even 10 miles away?!?!?!

In case you doubt me, here is the link for the route to work I sought this morning. You tell me – YOU TELL ME – where a “direct path” to College Boulevard is. Feel free to type in any coordinates you want, because a direct link doesn’t exist.

I mean, sweet Jesus, how does a freaking AREA transit authority not offer a SINGLE route from a park-and-ride station to College Boulevard?!?! (And I checked – the park and ride at Red Bridge and 71 doesn’t offer a direct College Boulevard route either. The hilarity of that? Red Bridge = College Boulevard. They're the same god damned street! The KCATA literally doesn’t offer a “straight on f*cking ahead” route in south KC! Yay! And to think they’re CUTTING services because people don’t utilize what they offer! Christ, I can’t POSSIBLY imagine why!)

2 hours and 55 minutes to “ride” to work. I live 11.2 miles from work (according to my car’s odometer, and I take a couple back roads once I exit the freeway to bypass a stoplight or three that adds a .1, .2 to the route in the interest of saving 3 minutes on the commute). So we’ll be fair, round up, and call it 12 miles.

You spot me 3 hours? I can walk / jog the 12 miles. With the $3 all day pass saved to boot. What a joke. What a freaking joke mass transit is in Kansas City.

(For the record, I also checked to see how long it would take to go from the park-and-ride depot on Bannister to my old job downtown. 49 minutes, with 4 minutes built in to walk from the drop-off point to the Town Pavilion. Although as you can see from the route on’s site … there’s NO logical reason for the route they chose. Uuh, guys? The Watkins (aka US 71) has been opened free and clear to downtown for pushing eleven years now. Let the Blue Ridge Express handle the long route north, and have a MAX route that utilizes your park-and-ride at Bannister … and hits the Watkins to maximize drive time. Wait, am I thinking logically? No wonder the KCATA and The JO don’t offer routes like this! God forbid LOGIC factor into any mass transit decisions, right Clay Chastain?)

Note to KCATA and The JO: people live all over the metro area. This you clearly recognize, as given your variety of routes and schedules. But further note to KCATA and The JO: people WORK all over the metro area. You apparently don’t realize this, given your complete LACK of variety of routes and schedules, especially between KCMO and “The Golden Ghetto”.

Screw you, JO and KCATA. You cost me 8 hours of pool time this summer because of your retarded bus schedules today.

Worse yet, you probably cost me the “date” I’ve waited a f*cking lifetime for tomorrow night, because there’s no bus routes between south KC and the City Market after 9pm! Let that one sink in – we’re the 31st largest Nielsen Market (at 974,820 households as of 2010) … and don’t have legitimate mass transit once the sun goes down! Sure, I could “walk” home from the City Market tomorrow night … and probably get raped, mugged, beaten, and at least assaulted while walking the Watkins … and possibly stumble into bed at 5am …

To make a 8am bus ride that gets me to work 3 f*cking hours later. (keyshawn Johnson voice) COME ON MAN!


Anonymous said...

So....we're not getting a Grammy recap?

stevo! said...

no, but you did get a "smash" recap. you'll take what i give you and like it dammit!

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