Could be doing wrong,
And start doing right.
But you don't care
About what I think --
I think I'll just stay here and drink.
Hey, putting you down
Won't square the deal.
But at least you'd know the way I feel.
Hey take all the money
In the bank --
I think I'll just stay here and drink.
Hey listen close and
You can hear,
That loud jukebox playin' in my ear.
Ain't no woman gonna change
The way I think --
I think I'll just stay here and drink ..."
-- "I Think I'll Just Stay Here and Drink" by the late, great Mr. Merle Haggard.
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I kind of get a kick out of what I refer to as "crack pipe dreams". Goals, ideals, ambitions so utterly ridiculous and probably beyond any chance at achievement, that you just openly mock the dude or dudette who holds said crack pipe dream.
For example, I am not what you would refer to as a "conservative Republican" ... but whenever I need a quick pick-me-up, a good laugh, I just log onto Twitter and read what the left is saying, and always bust up laughing. The delusion of these people who still can't concede November 8, 2016 happened. I mean, do these brain-dead morons not realize that even if they somehow, someway do something that has never happened before in American history, and impeach a sitting President, do they not realize they STILL don't get the office? Because someone far, far worse (from my perspective -- and definitely from theirs) than Mr. Trump is up next in Vice President Pence?
This is what I mean by "crack pipe dream" -- it's a dream, sure, but you have to be high on crack to believe it will ever happen.
Or, if you prefer a sports analogy, here's one. I try every August to find six wins for Jayhawk Football. KU hasn't won more than five games in a season since 2009, and hasn't failed to lose double digits since 2010. But hey, reaching the whatever-the-hell-it's-called-now Independence Bowl in Shreveport to face a Sun Belt team that would be favored by two touchdowns and win by six? "Crack Pipe Dream".
(Or, if you really want a "crack pipe dream" scenario, picture me going more than a day without some kind of adult beverage. Believe it or not, it happens every week -- I don't drink on Tuesdays or Thursdays, and try to avoid Mondays as well. But still, tell thirty year old me that forty one year old me would voluntarily go dry more often each week than go sauced? "Crack Pipe Dream".)
But the beauty of a "crack pipe dream", is that ever so often, they do come true. And usually don't actually require you to be high on crack, to see them come true.
That is what happened to me, on Monday.
And was confirmed, on Tuesday.
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I saw the phone number ring on my iPhone about 9:15 Monday morning. I did not recognize the number, but saw it was from the 816, so it was local. I let the call go to voice mail, since if I don't know your number, I don't usually answer your call.
And the caller left a voice mail.
Which I didn't bother to check until ducking out to grab some lunch * a couple hours later, and when I heard the voice, and then the message, I gotta admit, I was halfway tempted to pull a Mary Tyler Moore there at the corner of Linwood and Broadway, and chuck whatever I had available into the air to celebrate.
Because something I have wanted for a very, very, very long time ... is going to happen, starting Tuesday, March 20.
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(*: sweet Jesus, this new Greek / Mediterranean place that opened behind (or is it in front of?) the Home Depot on Linwood, Shawarmar, is so, so, so f*cking good. Reason Number (at least) 1,394,590,695.294 why I prefer the city to suburbia -- people who open their business (or build / buy / in my case, rent their home) in the heart of the city? (Or like "company I work for", have been in Midtown for 25 years longer than I've drawn breath?)
Are investing their life in the heart of the city. To me, that matters. Then again, I'm 41, single, no kids I've been sued for child support over, haven't had a relationship see "night three" in over a year, and I don't even own a van to live in down by the river should it ever come to that, so take my belief for what it's worth. Although in my defense, unlike Matt Foley, I don't eat a steady diet of government cheese. #lactoseintolerant )
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The call was from my latest Chiefs Season Ticket Member representative, a decent sounding dude named Chris. I halfway expected the call was "we're sorry to inform you, your credit card was declined for your latest payment", and for once, that wasn't intended as a (semi-true) joke; my expiration date on the card they have on file is 3/18, and I'm still waiting on the new one to arrive from B of A.
So imagine, to my utter surprise, when the voice mail asked me, simply:
Are you willing to be a member of our Fan Focus Group for the 2018 season?
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(Don't believe me? Here's the email confirmation. Image Credit: whatever Snag-It like tool my Chromebook possesses.)
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It's finally happened.
The team I irrationally love (and beyond irrationally support, at least financially), has asked me to be one of twenty to thirty STM's that (allegedly) help steer the course for the franchise's fan relations over the next twelve months.
I mean, is this not epically awesome? I mean ... wow. Few people, if any, have trashed certain aspects of this organization more than me ** . And now, they're asking the inmate to essentially have a hand in determining how the asylum is run?
(Pause).
You're damned right I said yes.
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(**: say what you want about me and my group's reaction to the opening of that tailgate ... I not only will never apologize for telling that parking nazi to her face what she is, but to the Chiefs' credit? They quickly figured out they had so f*cked up parking, they have never since that day bothered anyone (at least in the middle to back of Lot G, where we tailgate) since that day. You could count on one finger the number of times we had a parking nazi posted at the intersection of Chiefs Way and Dubiner Circle last year. And I think he was lost.)
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So here are the four things I am going to bring up / suggest, at Tuesday's first meeting, because these are the four things I care the most about. But I'm posting this early and opening up the comments section, in case anyone has any issue pertinent to them, that they want addressed.
I'm coming armed with a notepad, and a writing utensil. (And possibly a flask.) I honestly haven't been this geeked for a meeting in fifteen years, since FJ Day *** was put into play.
If you, my poor, poor, poor readers, have something you want addressed? Hit up the comments, hit up my Twitter (@teamtito15), hit up my email (teamtito15 @ yahoo or gmail), hit up my phone.
Because believe it or not? YOU have a lifeline to the Chiefs organization itself now.
And somehow?
That lifeline?
Is ... (gulp) ... me.
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(***: FJ Day is actually July 25, and the meeting that put it into play was on July 3, so technically the fifteen year anniversary is still a couple months away. But still. My former boss Mary and I always try to meet for a libation-filled lunch or dinner, still, fifteen years later, to celebrate the moment he was escorted out of the building, and our department boss Stan had to send the "Josh is no longer a member of the ceded reinsurance team" email out to everyone.
Oh, you have to scroll through that link in the previous paragraph a little bit ... but it's worth the payoff. Because anytime you can dumpster dive in a recycle bin to get a guy fired? You HAVE to do it.)
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These are the four things up front that matter to me:
1. Bring back the Early In Pass. I get that not everybody does tailgating like the core of my group does. Hell, even some of that core doesn't do tailgating like we used to ten, eleven years ago, because life happens. Kids happen. Marriages happen. And far be it from me -- the kid who has missed not one, but two -- two! -- straight family Christmas get-togethers to be at Arrowhead instead -- far be it from me to claim family doesn't trump football. Because it should.
But the Early In Pass, makes a "marriage" of convenience happen. It lets those of us willing to trek out to Arrowhead before the sun comes up get an hour head start on everyone else, so that by the time you all arrive two, three hours later, we've already more than got everything set up and ready to go for you.
The Chiefs offered the Early In Pass in 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016. They did not last year -- they tried to split the baby instead, and open gates for everyone thirty minutes earlier than they ever had. It's a compromise that -- like most compromises -- held the peace, but failed to fix the problem.
I want the Early In Pass back. And I know a lot of people who enter Gate 6, and tailgate Lots F, G, H, N, and J, who agree with me.
2. Allow a printable ticket stub. The moment your ticket was scanned in Arlington, the Cowboys gate attendant handed you a printable ticket stub. As someone with a cigar box of memories that cannot be added to at this point, due to the Chiefs edict that either you (a) get a full season card or (b) as I do, use mobile entry to, uuh, enter every game, I hate the lack of a ticket stub.
(And please, spare me the "you can print the ticket off" bullsh*t response. A piece of paper ain't a ticket stub. And everyone knows it.)
3. Is There Going to Be a Draft Party? I love the Draft Party at Arrowhead. There is footage out there of me literally dropping to my knees on the fake grass inside the practice facility, as the trade-up with Buffalo resulted in "Patrick Mahomes, Quarterback, Texas Tech" was announced, crying uncontrollably, over a sports outcome since ... uuh ... well, this. (Note: I wear my emotions on my sleeve when it comes to certain teams. I refuse to apologize for it.)
Since the Chiefs currently do not possess a first round pick, circle me curious if a Draft Party happens or not.
4. More Port-A-Potties for Tailgating. I cannot speak to anyone's tailgating situation save for my own. I can only describe what it is like in the general vicinity of the G30 sign.
We have two port-a-potties farther down the sidewalk from us, where the chained gate into Lot G is. (Guessing about G25, G26, off the top of my head.)
We have two port-a-potties farther up the sidewalk from us, where the main entrance into Lot G is. (Guessing G33, G34 at that point.)
Four port-a-potties ... for well over 1,000 people, two plus hours out before kickoff.
That ... is indefensible.
Now, I freely admit up front, the port-a-potty issue is probably the Jackson County Sports Authority's issue to handle -- the Chiefs admit up front (truthfully, too!), that the JCSCA controls all aspects of parking at the TSC. (Or Truman Sports Complex, for the initially challenged.)
And in this case, sadly, the JCSCA has improved on the situation over ten years ago, when the Royals and Chiefs had their own separate urinal units, and whoever wasn't playing, had theirs locked. At least all the ones out there now are opened up.
But four whizzers for one hundred forty times the occupants? Equals long lines, angry fans, and people just relieving themselves as need be behind a car door, a bus tire, and/or just letting it flow **** .
There should be more out there, period.
Those are the four items I intend to raise, in this initial meeting, of Focus Group 2018.
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(****: let's just be honest here. If you're a dude between the ages of ... hang on, subtract the three ... if you're a dude between the ages of 18-62, and have attended at least ten games at the TSC in your life, you have p*ssed on the parking lot. I cannot even count how many times I've let it flow on the side of The Bus, or behind a car door, but I know the number is above twenty.
This request ain't about the fellas, in the interest of honesty. As always, it's about the ladies.)
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I have a few other personal agenda items I'd like to raise ... but they're personal, and frankly, none of them -- or any of my four above -- are deal breakers. I mean, at this point, the Chiefs and I are like my mom and dad -- no matter how disgusted dad gets with her, he has to let it roll, because "who else makes sure my CPAP machine works right" ... and no matter how disgusted mom gets with him, she has to let it roll, because "it's too cold to pump my own gas". (Pause). What? (Pause). No, I don't wonder why I'm as "shakily composed" as I am! Why do you ask that?
But if y'all have anything to offer, hit up the comments, Twitter, or email. I'll bring it to the table.
After all -- even in my family, no matter how low things go at a get-together?
There's always a glass of red or
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