Sometimes it's just plain hard.
Life can knock you down;
It can break your heart.
Life ain't always beautiful;
You think you're on your way.
But it's just a dead end road,
At the end of the day.
But the struggles? Make you stronger.
And the changes? Make you wise.
And happiness? Has its' own way,
Of taking its' sweet time.
No, life ain't always beautiful;
Tears will fall sometimes.
Life ain't always beautiful --
But it's a beautiful ride! ..."
-- "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" by Gary Allan.
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I freely admit I suck at predictions. Well, save for this one (hang on, I need a stiffer drink to continue ...)
And this one.
Because yes, I somehow, someway, nailed the national champ last year.
Here's to hoping for some back-to-back action.
As always, for the new, uninitiated, and/or drunk and/or stoned stumbling onto this, welcome! The picks below are how the main pool I enter into any bracket competition will look like. If picking against me gets you a few extra dollars for junior's diaper fund ... or your dugout needs, then I have succeeded. So let's do this.
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South (Atlanta) Regional:
* First Four Games.
None.
* Round of Sixty Four Games.
1 Virginia over 16 UMBC. Freddie Gray had a better chance against Baltimore County's (less than) finest, than Baltimore County's hoopsters have against the Wahoos. (Pause). Too soon?
9 Kansas State over 8 Creighton. Straight trumps two of a kind ... and two of a kind pushes Creighton alumnus Sebree (rimshot!) Hey yo! I am on FIRE out of the closet this year (rimshot!)
12 Davidson over 5 Kentucky. Let's be honest here: if you'd had to wager as recently as six months ago as to which disgraceful college coach in Kentucky would be fired for indefensible cheating, would you have wagered on Coach Cal or Rick "Redefines The Meaning of Canoli" Pitino? I'd have wagered on Coach Cal. See, I told you I suck at prognostication!
4 Arizona over 13 Buffalo. #fakenews #espnlied #ihopeseanmillersuesthemoutofexistence
6 Miami (FL) over 11 Loyola-Chicago. The Wayne Allyn Root Memorial Contrarian Pick of This Round.
3 Tennessee over 14 Wright State. Wait -- I thought Wright was a bankrupt, shady, sleazy for-profit college that stole its' students money? Oh, that's Wright Career, not Wright State. My bad.
7 Nevada over 10 Texas. It's kind of a shame that Nevada didn't wind up facing Mizzou; the "Musselman" jokes would have been pretty fun to write. Oh please, Mizzou -- never stop being you.
2 Cincinnati over 15 Georgia State. Mick Cronin kinda looks like the dude who played Dr. Skoda on "Law and Order". Just sayin'.
* Round of Thirty Two Games.
1 Virginia over 9 Kansas State. I honestly think KSU has a decent shot to win this one, if both Dean Wade and Barry Brown are healthy and good to go. Having said that, would you wager on Bruce Weber? Yeah. I'll stick chalk here.
12 Davidson over 4 Arizona. Watch this Kellan Grady kid folks. The comps to Steph that Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkle were making this weekend are ridiculous ... and yet, you'll see why they made said comps. This kid is sweet to watch.
6 Miami (FL) over 3 Tennessee. As my buddy (and now current co-worker yet again!) Pickell would say: "put it this way" -- if Rick Barnes can't get UT to the Sweet Sixteen with Durant, DJ Augustin, and Damion James on the roster? He isn't getting there with a different shade of orange either.
2 Cincinnati over 7 Nevada. Should be a decent matchup that the first team to 60 wins.
* Sweet Sixteen Games.
1 Virginia over 12 Davidson. Y'all have no idea how much I wanted to pick the upset. I may revisit this on any additional brackets I submit.
2 Cincinnati over 6 Miami (FL). This should be one fascinating coaching matchup, if nothing else.
* Elite Eight Game.
2 Cincinnati over 1 Virginia. There are two teams from the American that I am absolutely in love with, having watched way, way, way too many of their games over the last two months. This is one of them. Cincinnati is the most underrated team in 'Murica. They're the one team perfectly built to take out Virginia. Also, who are you taking in Atlanta -- a college from the state that gave us General Grant, or a college from the state that housed the capital of the Confederacy? "Yankees in Georgia! How did they EVER get here?!?!?!"
South (Atlanta) Regional Champion: 2 Cincinnati Bearcats.
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West (Los Angeles) Regional:
* First Four Games:
16 Texas Southern over 16 North Carolina Central. I'm taking a team that opened 0-13 to win a game in the tournament. ("jack perkins" in the greatest snl sketch ever voice) Today's my birthday! And I'm ... getting drunker.
* Round Of Sixty Four Games:
1 Xavier over 16 Texas Southern. There is no way in hell Mike Davis is winning two games in the same tournament for the second time ever.
8 Missouri over 9 Florida State. On the one hand, you have to give Mizzou credit -- they "cheat" pad the roster the old fashioned way: by hiring daddy on the coaching staff. On the other hand, I mean, seriously? At least we got two Final Fours and a National Championship out of hiring Ed Manning to the coaching staff. Mizzou got two minutes and an 8 seed. The lesson?
As always:
Call it whatever the hell you want to -- it will ALWAYS be Allen Field House East.
12 South Dakota State over 5 The Ohio State University. As Snoop Dogg would note: "ain't nothin' but a g thing bay-bee ..." In this case, G ... as in gut. I can't explain this pick, I just think it's going to happen.
4 Gonzaga over 13 UNCG. This Gonzaga team might be better than last year's. And considering last year's came within a few points of cutting down the nets, that's saying something.
6 Houston over 11 San Diego State. Am I the only one stunned that Kelvin Sampson has apparently run a clean program for consecutive years in a row?
3 Michigan over 14 Montana. I hate picking against Grizzly Bears ... but Michigan wins easily.
10 Providence over 7 Texas A&M. Probably a good thing Friars coach Ed Cooley's pants ripped in the back in the Big East title game, instead of the front. Although hearing Gus Johnson describe that wardrobe malfunction would have been hilarious.
2 North Carolina over 15 Lipscomb. Those of you taking the Rat Bastard and his Tar Heels on a long tourney run? The 2005 defending champs lost their opener in 2006 to George Mason. The 2009 defending champs didn't even qualify for the NCAA Tournament in 2010. They're yet again the defending champs. History ain't on the Rat Bastard's side.
* Round of Thirty Two Games.
1 Xavier over 8 Missouri. True story: my bowling league teammates are die-hard Mizzou fans, season ticket holders as well. And they HATE Cuonzo Martin. One of them actually made the comment that "he'll never get us back to where we were under Norm (Stewart)". Considering the farthest Norm ever took Mizzou was the Elite Eight? I'd argue Cuonzo getting Mizzou halfway to its greatest achievement in Year One is a win for that woeful program.
4 Gonzaga over 12 South Dakota State. It seems like I ask this every two to three years, so I'll ask it again: what in God's good name does the NCAA see in Boise that makes it an attractive first / second round site? Who in their right mind thinks "Boise in March" is an ideal vacation destination? Sh*t, who amongst us with an IQ below room temperature thinks "Boise anytime of the year" is an ideal vacation destination? Anyway, Gonzaga easily advances.
6 Houston over 3 Michigan. I have a feeling that by the time this tournament is over, y'all are going to remember how great a head coach Kelvin Sampson is.
2 North Carolina over 10 Providence. God, I wanted to pick the upset.
* Sweet Sixteen Games.
1 Xavier over 4 Gonzaga. A rematch of last year's West Regional final, and quite frankly, one hell of a game on paper. The two "mid majors" who have sustained initial success from twenty years ago. Gonzaga is one of only four teams to have made the tournament for at least the last twenty years in a row. Xavier has made 15 of the last 17, and in those seventeen years, has three Elite Eight appearances (all losses) and seven Sweet Sixteen appearances. At some point, they're going to match Gonzaga's breakthrough from last year, and capitalize on their chance to finally reach a Final Four. They reach the Elite Eight for the third time in seven years (and second in a row) in my main bracket.
6 Houston over 2 North Carolina. I tend to love all things basketball ... but for the love of Christ, CBS drooling over Houston alumnus Jim "Hello Friends" Nantz calling his alma mater in a game for the first time just has to take the cake. It's bad enough we have to witness the verbal fellating by Nantz of his college roommate (Freddie Couples) every year at Augusta; now we have to deal with his insufferable homer self on basketball as well? Ugh.
* Elite Eight Game.
1 Xavier over 6 Houston. And yet another program shatters college hoops ultimate glass ceiling before our "good friends" 120 miles to the east of Kansas City get the job done.
West (Los Angeles) Regional Champion: 1 Xavier Muskateers.
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East (Boston) Regional:
* First Four Games.
16 LIU Brooklyn over 16 Radford.
11 St. Bonaventure over 11 UCLA. This matchup is patently insane. The Bonnies are grousely underseeded by at least three lines, and if UCLA deserves to be in this tournament, then I am going to bed sober tonight.
* Round of Sixty Four Games.
1 Villanova over
9 Alabama over 8 Virginia Tech. Can't wait to see what Collin Sexton has in mind for his first (and likely last) tournament appearance.
5 West Virginia over 12 Murray State. True story: I have lit a couch-like object on fire before. Back in the day, when the artist formerly known as The Champ and I had no idea what to do with Deadbeat Ex-Roommate's crap six months after we threw him out. So we lit it all on fire. And let me tell you -- lighting a couch on fire is energizing. It's really, really neat. Even if in my case, it was a piece of sh*t futon that fell apart dragging it from the basement to the burn pile. But still. It's why you'll see no mocking of West Virginia fan's celebratory habit on this site.
4 Wichita State over 13 Marshall. Lather, rinse, repeat.
11 St. Bonaventure over 6 Florida. This, admittedly, is taking a huge, hu-yuge risk. Seven of the last eight times Florida has made the NCAA Tournament (2006, 2007, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2017) they reached at least the Elite Eight. (They lost their opener in 2010.) But here's the thing, and if you're a Chiefs or raiders fan, you'll get me: do you trust a team coached by a dude named Mike White? Because I don't. Bonnies survive and advance.
3 Texas Tech over 14 Stephen F. Austin. Perhaps it's time to revisit the theme of one of my four or five favorite t-shirts I've ever owned * . Because while I was in college, I had a t-shirt that had like a split logo on the front of it with the University of Texas and Texas A&M, and on the back it simply said "united in hate ... and the fact that Texas Tech is not a real school". (Pause). Yeah. They're still not a real school.
(*: my favorite t-shirts I've owned, probably in reverse order, off the top of my head: (5) the "nice rack" Abercrombie shirt (I still have it); (4) my yellow Chiefs long-sleeve tee that I wear to October and November home games (so yes, I still have it); (3) the UT/A&M united in hate one (have no idea what happened to it); (2) the Puerto Rico flag tank top (have it); and (1) the "Big. Bigger. Webber!" t-shirt from high school (sadly, long gone). "You gotta have room to breathe!")
10 Butler over 7 Arkansas. This might be the best game of the first round when it's all said and done. Excellent matchup of two teams that love to press and love to run.
2 Purdue over 15 Cal State Fullerton. If this matchup occurs in Omaha three months from now, you'd have to flip the seeds.
* Round of Thirty Two Games.
1 Villanova over 9 Alabama. Although it won't be easy. I fully expect this to be a one possession game at the under four timeout, before Villanova pulls away late.
5 West Virginia over 4 Wichita State. This one's gonna be fun. Also, and I ask this in all sincerity, why didn't Wichita State get the Valley (or the American) to host the site in Wichita? Why'd they have to decide to host it themselves and cost themselves a solid home-court advantage? There's a reason why the Big XII always hosts any event at the Sprint Centre -- to ensure KU has every chance imaginable to play there. Wichita? You're in the big time now. Start planning like it.
3 Texas Tech over 11 St. Bonaventure. Since I have nothing to add, allow me to say, the image of couches en fuego in the West End after West Virginia wins is pretty damned funny to contemplate. Although don't f*ck with Dealey Plaza, Mountaineer fans. That triple underpass is history.
2 Purdue over 10 Butler. I might need to take a shower after this one. This is one epic (the late, great coach don fambrough voice) showdown, hoedown, throwdown!
* Sweet Sixteen Games.
1 Villanova over 5 West Virginia. I'm not sold on it.
2 Purdue over 3 Texas Tech. I'd wager a lot on it.
* Elite Eight Game.
2 Purdue over 1 Villanova. Admit it: you can't wait to see the greatest comb-over ever ** on your television / iPad / tablet / phone screen. We need more Lloyd Eugene Keady in our lives. Especially given the fact that the dude paid $600 / week to look like he did! I mean Jesus, he dropped more in a week on the worst hairdo imaginable than I do in a month on liquor and/or a medicinally legal herbal product! And it's not like I abstain for more than (hang on, calculating the commute plus office time) nine hours a day!
In all seriousness, this regional has some sick, sick matchups ... and I really like Purdue to emerge at the end.
East (Boston) Regional Champion: 2 Purdue Boilermakers.
(**: although Mr. Trump is certainly giving Ol' Gene a run for the title.)
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Midwest (Omaha) Regional:
* First Four Games.
11 Syracuse over 11 Arizona State. Neither of these teams should be here, if we're being honest. This should be Middle Tennessee vs Saint Mary's. Or Notre Dame vs USC. Having noted that, Syracuse has no excuse to lose this ... and this isn't even the most bullsh*t selection of The 'Cuse in the last three years. (The last one landed Syracuse in a Final Four, in 2016.) Let's see how this one goes.
* Round of Sixty Four Games.
1 Kansas over 16 Penn. Let's all simmer down now. Is Penn better than a 16 seed? Yes. Did KU truly deserve a 1 seed? Probably not (although who you'd replace them with, I have no idea.) Having noted those facts ... would you wager on Penn to beat KU if it was a 2/15 or 3/14 matchup? Of COURSE you wouldn't. Now, would I wager a healthy amount of financial resources on Penn to cover a fourteen point spread? Of COURSE Iwould will. But bet on Penn to win? No.
8 Seton Hall over 9 NC State. Total coin flip for the right to get rolled by thirty about forty hours later. (classic tv show theme song voice) Ain't we lucky we got 'em? (Na Na Na Na Na!) Good Times!!!!!!!!!!!
12 New Mexico State over 5 Clemson. True story! Back in the day at Transamerica, I had to record New Mexico State's football game every week for my ultimate boss, because his step-son was a linebacker at that fine athletic program. I also received more than the standard payout on my year-end bonus for three straight years. (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh come on! There is absolutely no connection between those two things! And if you'll buy that? I'll throw the godd*mned Golden Gate in free!
4 Auburn over 13 Charleston. At least we'll get a Bill Murray sighting for this one. Which frankly is the only thing that might make this watchable for about forty seconds of time.
6 TCU over 11 Syracuse. For those of you who don't know me ... well, count your blessings. But for those of you who don't me, I graduated from TCU twenty years ago come December. I was there for their previous tournament game (which is better remembered for the ending that occurred in the previous game). The last time TCU was in a NCAA tournament game? Billy Tubbs was the head coach, Lee Nailon (who?) was the star, and I was definitely the stud in the building that day. This time? Only one of those three things is still true. And no, it ain't Billy Tubbs on the sideline.
3 Michigan State over 14 Bucknell. KU was a three seed when they lost to Bucknell to open the 2005 tournament. I'm just saying.
7 Rhode Island over 10 Oklahoma. My brother's father-in-law is a huge OU fan. Graduated from OU, played corner for OU in the early 1970s. I guarantee you, even he has no idea, how OU got in. And I guarantee you, not even he thinks they're winning this game.
2 Duke over 15 Iona. We are all Iona fans.
* Round of Thirty Two Games.
1 Kansas over 8 Seton Hall. PJ Carlesimo ain't walkin' through that door, Pirates.
4 Auburn over 12 New Mexico State. I really, really wish CBS would let our good friend Charles Barkley call this game. I mean, if we have to endure Jim Nantz doing everything short of swallowing covering his alma mater, let's give Ol' Barky a chance to cover his.
3 Michigan State over 6 TCU. Because of COURSE the NCAA would schedule my 1A (KU), 1B (Syracuse) and alma mater (TCU) in the same f*cking regional.
2 Duke over 7 Rhode Island. Lamar Odom might be walkin' through that door, Rhodies ... but he certainly ain't suiting up.
* Sweet Sixteen Games.
1 Kansas over 4 Auburn. Admit it -- Chuck Barkley trying to pronounce Svi's name would make for damned good television.
2 Duke over 3 Michigan State. At the risk of spoiling the suspense ... the winner of this game is my pick to cut down the nets come April 2nd.
* Elite Eight Game.
2 Duke over 1 Kansas. I hate this pick with everything I have in me, most especially because damned near everyone's bracket has KU going out in the Elite Eight, and guessing the same thing as 95.24% of the public picks doesn't really help your chances to beat said 95.24% in the gambling pool. If this comes to pass, it is going to suck. And blow. At the same time. No matter how anatomically impossible it is, for that to occur.
Midwest (Omaha) Regional Champion: 2 Duke Blue Devils.
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Final Four:
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Midwest (Omaha) Regional:
* First Four Games.
11 Syracuse over 11 Arizona State. Neither of these teams should be here, if we're being honest. This should be Middle Tennessee vs Saint Mary's. Or Notre Dame vs USC. Having noted that, Syracuse has no excuse to lose this ... and this isn't even the most bullsh*t selection of The 'Cuse in the last three years. (The last one landed Syracuse in a Final Four, in 2016.) Let's see how this one goes.
* Round of Sixty Four Games.
1 Kansas over 16 Penn. Let's all simmer down now. Is Penn better than a 16 seed? Yes. Did KU truly deserve a 1 seed? Probably not (although who you'd replace them with, I have no idea.) Having noted those facts ... would you wager on Penn to beat KU if it was a 2/15 or 3/14 matchup? Of COURSE you wouldn't. Now, would I wager a healthy amount of financial resources on Penn to cover a fourteen point spread? Of COURSE I
8 Seton Hall over 9 NC State. Total coin flip for the right to get rolled by thirty about forty hours later. (classic tv show theme song voice) Ain't we lucky we got 'em? (Na Na Na Na Na!) Good Times!!!!!!!!!!!
12 New Mexico State over 5 Clemson. True story! Back in the day at Transamerica, I had to record New Mexico State's football game every week for my ultimate boss, because his step-son was a linebacker at that fine athletic program. I also received more than the standard payout on my year-end bonus for three straight years. (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh come on! There is absolutely no connection between those two things! And if you'll buy that? I'll throw the godd*mned Golden Gate in free!
4 Auburn over 13 Charleston. At least we'll get a Bill Murray sighting for this one. Which frankly is the only thing that might make this watchable for about forty seconds of time.
6 TCU over 11 Syracuse. For those of you who don't know me ... well, count your blessings. But for those of you who don't me, I graduated from TCU twenty years ago come December. I was there for their previous tournament game (which is better remembered for the ending that occurred in the previous game). The last time TCU was in a NCAA tournament game? Billy Tubbs was the head coach, Lee Nailon (who?) was the star, and I was definitely the stud in the building that day. This time? Only one of those three things is still true. And no, it ain't Billy Tubbs on the sideline.
3 Michigan State over 14 Bucknell. KU was a three seed when they lost to Bucknell to open the 2005 tournament. I'm just saying.
7 Rhode Island over 10 Oklahoma. My brother's father-in-law is a huge OU fan. Graduated from OU, played corner for OU in the early 1970s. I guarantee you, even he has no idea, how OU got in. And I guarantee you, not even he thinks they're winning this game.
2 Duke over 15 Iona. We are all Iona fans.
* Round of Thirty Two Games.
1 Kansas over 8 Seton Hall. PJ Carlesimo ain't walkin' through that door, Pirates.
4 Auburn over 12 New Mexico State. I really, really wish CBS would let our good friend Charles Barkley call this game. I mean, if we have to endure Jim Nantz doing everything short of swallowing covering his alma mater, let's give Ol' Barky a chance to cover his.
3 Michigan State over 6 TCU. Because of COURSE the NCAA would schedule my 1A (KU), 1B (Syracuse) and alma mater (TCU) in the same f*cking regional.
2 Duke over 7 Rhode Island. Lamar Odom might be walkin' through that door, Rhodies ... but he certainly ain't suiting up.
* Sweet Sixteen Games.
1 Kansas over 4 Auburn. Admit it -- Chuck Barkley trying to pronounce Svi's name would make for damned good television.
2 Duke over 3 Michigan State. At the risk of spoiling the suspense ... the winner of this game is my pick to cut down the nets come April 2nd.
* Elite Eight Game.
2 Duke over 1 Kansas. I hate this pick with everything I have in me, most especially because damned near everyone's bracket has KU going out in the Elite Eight, and guessing the same thing as 95.24% of the public picks doesn't really help your chances to beat said 95.24% in the gambling pool. If this comes to pass, it is going to suck. And blow. At the same time. No matter how anatomically impossible it is, for that to occur.
Midwest (Omaha) Regional Champion: 2 Duke Blue Devils.
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Final Four:
2 Duke over 2 Purdue. The de-facto national championship. I think whoever wins this one, will cut down the nets. Which means ...
National Championship:
2 Duke over 2 Cincinnati. I picked Duke to win it all before the season began. I have yet to see anything to change my opinion. Hence, my pick to cut the nets down.
National Champion: Duke Blue Devils.
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And here's the filled out bracket, for easier tracking:
Well, that was fun.
But the next post folks? (Probably coming by tomorrow.) The next post?
Is the fulfillment of at least half a lifetime's dream. Because I guaran-damn-tee you, your plans for Tuesday March 20th, ain't trumping mine ...
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