Here’s the thing, peoples and peepettes – I have some stuff going on in my professional existence right now, that I am choosing not to talk about, because (a) I’ve been down this road seven years ago, and it bombed out spectacularly for me, and (b) because of (a), I don’t want to raise my (or your?) hopes one way or another. But let’s just say, I am currently working about 12 hours a day to get everything on my desk cleaned off, and everything in my inbox dealt with, in case a potential career opportunity comes to fruition in a few weeks or so.
Having noted that excuse up front … there are a few comments regarding the Chiefs I wish I’d said before Week One, and wish I had time to include for Week Two … so let’s hope Week Three makes those comments appear on this site, because they need to appear before the next home game, which is scheduled for Week Four.
Also, my 2020 NFL Season Picks will be up sometime this weekend. I have not adjusted the Schedule Run for the Week One results, and I won’t adjust them for any Week Two results either, should it take until Sunday or Monday to get them posted.
Until then … here are your Half Assed Week Two Predictions – which sadly means they are sans “K”KK Tweet thoughts, “Disreputable Mexican Food TrucK” Updates, political commentary, “Flashbacks”, Tailgating Plans, Watching Party Plans … basically, all you get are picks.
Apologies.
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The Statisticals.
Last Week SU: 9-7-0.
Season to Date SU: 9-7-0.
Last Week ATS: 9-6-1.
Season to Date ATS: 9-6-1.
Last Week Upset / Week: 0-1-0 SU; 0-1-0 ATS.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-1-0 SU; 0-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Texans (+7) over Ravens.
The Week Two Picks.
* at Browns (-6) 24, Bengals 14. I ask with all seriousness, what will draw better ratings: Game 6 of Islanders / Lightning, or this debacle? I know which one should, and it ain’t the battle for Ohio.
* Rams (PK) 19, at Eagles 13. Here are a few words I never thought I’d type: Sean McVay is a better coach than Doug Pederson. McVay’s gameplan Sunday night was flawless. Pederson’s gameplan Sunday afternoon was more flawed than a monthly budget I plan out for personal purposes.
* at Bucs 27, Panthers (+9) 20. I’m not laying two scores on Tom Brady at this point. That, and Carolina is gonna upset a few teams along the way. They’re better than I expected them to be.
* at Steelers 24, those people (+7 ½) 21. First of all, this line is insane. It’s at least five points too high. Secondly, you could pick five, six, seven different plays on Monday night, that had those people done something slightly different, the game is theirs. (Not the least of which is the stupid, indefensible, beyond retarded shovel pass to jake butt at the goalline on 4th and goal in the 2nd quarter.) But thirdly – how awesome is it those people are staring 0-2 in the face yet again? 0-2 is all but a death sentence for the postseason – fewer than 10% of all postseason participants in the last 30 years have started 0-2 or worse. Wave those Terrible Towels people!
* at Cowboys (-4 ½) 38, “Shane” Falcons 13. This is our noon game here in KC on FOX. Should induce a two hour nap out of me by 12:30.
* 49ers 13, at Jets (+7) 10. Who will get fired first – Jets HC Adam Gase … or Jets Owner Woody Johnson (our ambassador to Great Britain)? My money’s on Gase … which doesn’t say much, to be honest.
* Bills (-5 ½) 27, at Dolphins 17. Gotta love the overreaction to last week’s Bills victory. Folks? Beating the Jets by two scores is something most teams in this sport should be able to do, every time, regardless of location of the contest. They’re that terrible. Or excuse me – (chuck barkley voice) TURRIBLE!
* Vikings (+3) 17, at Colts 13. A rare Week Two interconference game in which the loser is in deep, deep trouble, both in their division and in the wild card race. Especially if the loser is the Vikings.
* at Packers (-6) 31, Lions 14. Speaking of games likely to induce a two hour nap out of me …
* at Bears (-5 ½) 20, Giants 13. Mitchell Trubisky opening 2-0 may be the most unbelievable 2-0 opening by a quarterback since Ryan Leaf did it in 1998.
* at Titans (-9) 24, Jaguars 10. Read the game correctly folks. The Jaguars are not that good. The Colts are that bad. And the Titans are that lucky.
* at “Super” Cardinals (-6 ½) 34, Redskins 21. They’ll remain the Redskins on this site until they pick a new team name. And even then, they may remain as the “Real Redskins”. Or the “Fake (Insert New Team Name Here)”. This site despises political correctness.
* at Texans (-7) 31, Ravens 14. The Texans need this one desperately. They’ll get it.
* at Seahawks (-4) 27, Patriots 20. Really fun interconference matchup. Wish we got it more often than every four years.
* at raiders (+5 ½) 31, Saints 28. Might as well let the squatters open Arrowhead West with a victory.
* Chiefs (-9) 38, at “Super” Chargers 13. One of the first rules you learn in Marketing 101 is “Keep It Simple, Stupid”. That’s how I feel about wagering this game – keep it simple, stupid. “Fat” Andy and Patrick Mahomes “Of The Chiefs” were given three extra days to prepare for a divisional rival they’ve defeated 11 of the last 12 times they’ve played – and the only “Super” Chargers victory was via a two point conversion as time expired two years ago. The coaching matchup is a joke. The quarterback matchup is the stuff nine point home underdogs are made of – Mr. Mahomes versus Tyrod Taylor, whose team sits at 1-0 only because Bengals gonna Bengal, and miss a 31 yard field goal as time expired last week. Keep it simple, stupid. Chiefs big.
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