week three non-chiefs picks

Last Week SU: 13-3-0.
Season to Date SU: 21-10-1.

Last Week ATS: 11-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 19-12-1.

Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 1-1-0 SU; 1-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Texans (+3) over "Super" Chargers.

The Non-Chiefs Predictions:

* Titans (-1 1/2) 13, at Jaguars 10.  I'll be tuned into "Big Brother" instead.  Also, "ALF" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Packers (-7 1/2) 28, those people 0.  For the first time since 1999, those people have opened 0-2.  For the first time since 1999, those people will open 0-3.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh yeah -- I am so getting my ass beat to a bloody pulp when I step foot inside the eighth layer of hell in four weeks.

* at Eagles 27, Lions (+6) 24.  The Lions are better than I thought.  The Eagles are about what I expected them to be.

* at Bills (-6) 34, Bengals 10.  It's only 6?  The line is only 6?  What in God's beautiful name am I missing here?  This should be at least 9, if not 10.

* "Shane" Falcons (+1 1/2) 31, at Colts 21.  Sneaky good noon matchup most of the nation will miss.  Because #BalvsKC

* at Vikings 21, raiders (+9) 20.  I damned near picked the outright upset.  You laying a touchdown and a field goal on a Kirk Cousins quarterbacked team?  'Cause I sure as f*ck ain't.  And yes, I am starting Mr. Cousins on my primary fantasy team.  #dontdraftdrunkkids

* at Patriots (-22) 74, Jets 3.  I couldn't even muster a meltdown Monday night in The Garage.  I think everyone there was waiting for it.  I couldn't muster it.  I did manage to channel 2012 Stevo and cheer as that rat bastardo trevor siemian was helped off the field, his season over.  (Pause).  Just like in 2012, as I cheered the effective end of Matt Cassel's Kansas City career, as he was carted off half-dead after a vicious hit by a Ravens defender?  I make no apologies for my reaction.

Also, no separate Jets section until this collection of embarrassment can manage to field a semi-competent team.  Emphasis on "semi".  So ... 2022?

Oh, and "Empty Nest" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Cowboys 41, Dolphins (+23) 20.  I think Josh Rosen can cover twenty three, even on the road.  Then again, I post these picks because I suck at sports wagering, so what do I know.

* Giants (+6) 31, at Bucs 20.  Daniel Jones cannot possibly be worse than Eli Manning at this point.  Can he?

* at "Super" Cardinals (-2 1/2) 27, Panthers 10.  In the words of Mr. T, "I pity the foo!" who has to watch this game.  Also, "Good Times" Game O' The Week Honors.

* at Seahawks (-4) 31, Saints 20.  Only four?  Are you f*cking kidding me?

* Texans (+3) 31, at "Super" Chargers 20.  Deshaun Watson is going to tear that "Super" Chargers secondary a new one.  I can't wait to watch it unfold.

* Steelers (+6 1/2) 24, at 49ers 14.  I like Mason Rudolph.  Steelers fans are really gonna like him once this game is done.

* at Redskins (+4) 24, Bears 17.  "Wayne Allyn Root" Memorial Game O' The Week.  Also, "Webster" Game O' The Week Honors.

And finally ...

* at Browns (+3) 33, Rams 6.  I am so looking forward to watching this, actually ... and I don't really give a rat's roasted ass about either squad.  But I so want this for Browns fans.  So here is my wish to you, Browns fans: I pray -- truly hope and pray -- that Sunday is your version of football fandom, that Monday, October 6, 1991, is to me.

Coming tomorrow or Saturday, the Chiefs pontification and prognostication.  Until then, hey -- let's be careful out there ...