"You don't have to go now honey;
Call and tell 'em you won't be in today.
Baby, there ain't nothing at the office?
So important it can't wait!
I'm thankful for the weekend,
But two days in heaven just ain't gonna do.
This is gonna take forever, darlin --
Girl, I just got started loving you!"
-- "Just Got Started Loving You" by James Otto.
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The one thing that stood out over this season -- especially this postseason -- above all, was the Chiefs remarkable ability to rally from remarkable deficits.
In all three playoff games, over the span of those four magical weekends none of us would trade for damned near anything, the opposition scored first. In all three playoff games, over those four epic weekends, the Chiefs trailed by double digits at some points. And in all three playoff games, over those four nearly indescribable weekends, the Chiefs won by double digits.
A smart person would argue that you don't accomplish comebacks like we witnessed in a vacuum. Hell, even dumb f*ck morons like me would argue that. And for once, the smart and sane, as well as the intellectually questionable and clinically mentally challenged like me, agree!
Because one thing that hit me while working on the next two posts after this ... is that, in the words of Stevo's Site Numero Dos' Official Color Commentator (Emeritus), the legendary Dan Dierdorf: "we have seen it before".
Sh*t, we saw it inside Arrowhead, fourteen years ago.
Against "Fat" Andy Reid to boot.
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A few months ago, I noted what a difference a coach can make. I pointed out just how dramatically (and unbelievably quickly) "Fat" Andy turned the Chiefs from the doormat of the division, the outhouse of the conference, and the "whatever the hell passes as sanitation" in "Survivor" * of the league.
What truly is dramatic and unbelievable, is that I of all people didn't see it coming. Yes, I am the one who loves to point out (via a no-doubt stolen quote) that "there are lies, damned lies, and statistics" ... and yet, my professional life involves nothing but those lies, damned lies, and statistics. I work as a reinsurance accountant for a fairly decently known local KC insurance company. Prior to that, I did the same job for two universally known insurance companies for pushing twenty years.
(Think "instantly recognizable building in the heart of San Francisco", and "largest city of the most neutral company on Planet Earth", for those corporations, both of whom paid me thousands of dollars to (old school doormat voice) go away ** . In the words of Sammy Sosa: "God bless America, it's a beautiful country!")
I am paid to not only report the actuals of life ... but to project and manage the risks in life. I am paid to literally study the past, and track the present, to predict the future.
(Somehow, "company I work for" is afloat. Circle me stunned, Bert. Circle me stunned *** .)
And yet somehow, despite the research on that linked post above that opened this section of these poorly prepared thoughts (which involved a few hours playing around on one of my favorite sites, pro-football-reference.com), despite the statement of the present, and analysis of the past, I failed to do one thing to truly predict the future to come.
I stopped at seven years prior, to "Fat" Andy's arrival.
Because in the accounting world, seven years makes sense. It's what the IRS "politely" asks you to hold onto records for. It's the time span most financial audits cover, if things are ugly. And certainly, in professional sports, if not in life, if you haven't made verifiable progress in seven years? If you haven't cleaned up the f*ck ups and failures of your franchise seven years later? You're probably living the lyrics to the "Good Times" theme song.
My mistake was not going back seven years to research that post.
My mistake was not going back eight.
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(*: I hate that it's a season of all past winners ... but my God, is this year's "Survivor" phenomenal. Also, I so would have pulled a Sandra too, arriving at Eviction Island. (The worst twist in this show ever, but whatever. Double also, Adam is still me, if I ever played this game. Thinks he's smarter than the average bear, gets outplayed and outthought at every step, yet somehow charms enough people into keeping him around, because he's that damned likable, all while people scream "for Christ's sake, put a shirt on already!" Although he doesn't have the shaky right hand on Day Seventeen from severe alcohol withdrawal, that I would. Because as tempting as trading a fire token for Bud Light would be ... (stevo voice) it's Bud Light! I'd rather shock myself into sobriety.)
(**: I had to emergency dogsit for my brother for a night right before KC went on lockdown due to this sh*ttacular virus. My brother lives about a mile from where I used to fifteen years ago. I drove by the old house on the way home, just to see what it looks like nowadays ... and had to laugh. Because while it looks different (yet recognizable) on the outside? There, on a Saturday morning, was a large black dog lying on the front porch. I'm guessing the Jehovah's Witnesses still come around about 10am every Saturday? Because God love his lazy ass, there were only three things in life that ever motivated the late, great Priest to bark, let alone stand up. His addiction to Meaty Bones, his fear of a vacuum cleaner ... and the traveling pair of Jehovah's Witnesses every Saturday. (Pause). Damn right we left him on the front porch every weekend for a reason.)
(***: this is an abject lie. I may suck at 80% of what I do, and God knows my personal life has been a Thomas the Train level wreck of epic proportions at times ... but I can literally write my ticket to any reinsurer who wants me, I'm that fairly well known in this industry. As my buddy Pickell would note: "put it this way": I haven't submitted an application for a job since the late 1990s ... and yet, haven't been unemployed for a day I pretty much didn't choose to be, since November 1999. The lesson? Hell if I know. I'm just good at my job, I guess.)
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Week Four 2005 was, in hindsight, one of the great, epic Chiefs regular season games I've ever been privileged to attend.
For starters, you couldn't have asked for a better day to tailgate. The Pro-Football-Reference boxscore notes it was 87 and sunny at kickoff. In early October. In Kansas City. I mean, how do you top that? (Other than by going up maybe another six to eight degrees?)
Plus it was a 3:15pm CT start. Meaning we got to enjoy the entire glorious day outdoors. And the eyes of the nation were on our lovely lil' stadium, via the national FOX broadcast.
Again, what more can you ask for to open October?
Also, the game itself appeared to be epic -- your defending NFC Champion Philadelphia Eagles, visiting our beloved Red and Gold. (And in case you think the 2005 Chiefs, just because they missed the playoffs, were not a force to be reckoned with? Just check this article out.)
If you, like me, at least in part have your season ticket because of who we play, then man, was this the game for you!
Donovan McNabb! Brian Westbrook! Terrell Owens! Freddie "4th and 26" Mitchell! Brian Dawkins! Jevon "The Freak" Kearse! And my personal favorite, Lito "Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh!" Shepherd!
And for the Red and Gold, Trent Green! Priest Holmes! Larry Johnson! Dante Hall! Tony Gonzalez! Jared Allen! Derrick Johnson (in his rookie year)!
And the geek in me really, really dug the coaching matchup: Richard A. Vermeil ... against "Fat" Andy Reid.
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After one of the last great tailgates at the crosswalk in Lot N, the actual game got underway ... and for twenty minutes, it did not disappoint anyone there rooting for the Chiefs.
The Chiefs received the kickoff, and in barely five minutes, Priest punched it into the end zone to start the scoring. (And note: there would be a LOT of scoring on this day. More than most of you reading this are getting right now thanks to this lockdown, that much scoring.) After forcing an Eagles punt, the Chiefs drive again, and nail a field goal to go up 10-0. The Eagles then fumble the kickoff; the Chiefs recover, and a Larry Johnson touchdown to open the second quarter puts the Chiefs up 17-0 with nearly three full quarters to play.
(Sound familiar, Texans fans? Chiefs fans?)
Then temporarily, the game settled down, for a solid four, five minutes, as both teams exchanged punts.
After the Chiefs punt, the Eagles manage to finally put a sustained drive together, enough to try a field goal ... which is promptly blocked by Eric Hicks!
So here the Chiefs stand, at about their own 30, up 17, a little over seven minutes to play in the half, ready to plunge the final dagger into the Eagles corpse.
Only ...
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That drive ended with a TrINT Green, uuh, TaINT, as the Eagles returned a forty yard pick to the house. (And somehow, they shanked the extra point.) Now it's 17-6 Chiefs ... for about ten seconds, because Dante Hall takes the kick return to the house to extend the lead from 17 to 18, at 24-6. In literally fifteen seconds, the Chiefs somehow turn the most deflating play in football (a defensive touchdown) into the most exciting play in football (a kickoff / punt return touchdown), and emerge a point ahead of where they were as a result! Surely, at 24-6, with barely four minutes until halftime, surely this game has to be solidly in the hand at this point, right? Who the hell rallies from down eighteen points with half the game gone inside of the nuthouse that is Arrowhead Stadium -- a nuthouse so, uuh, nutty, most of my friends and family (and the friends that are family) refer to it as it should be named -- Terrorhead Stadium? Who the hell coaches a team back from down four scores right before the half, inside of Terrorhead?
I can think of one dude, who knows how to do that ...
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Because just like he did so many times in the 2019 postseason ... ok, every time in the 2019 postseason, "Fat" Andy Reid didn't panic. Didn't let his frustrations get the better of him.
Which probably is why I love the dude so much. Coaching the 2005 Eagles had to be the most miserable job experience of Coach Reid's career. Terrell Owens imploded the season after this game, as the Eagles fell from 3-1 exiting Arrowhead, to 6-10 when the season was done. But hey, anytime you can do shirtless push-ups on your driveway to make a point, I guess you have to do it, right Terrell?
And yet, in this one game, in this one moment, "Fat" Andy showed why he's so brilliant.
Because not even twenty minutes of game action later, the Eagles had rallied from down 18, to tie the game at 24. And they weren't done scoring. Because the Eagles scored 31 straight -- thirty one straight! -- points, to beat the Chiefs 37-31 that afternoon. (The Chiefs scored a garbage time TD to make the score respectable.)
And as if scoring 31 straight at Arrowhead as an opponent -- while trailing by 18 -- wasn't impressive enough? If anything, "Fat" Andy showed that day just what a lead consumer he is. From the moment that Dante Hall returned the kickoff to put the Chiefs up 24-6, until the Eagles scored to go up 37-24 barely thirty minutes later, the Eagles ran 49 plays over eight drives. (Three drives of which began via Chiefs turnovers. Oy vey.)
Of the 49 plays the Eagles ran (50 if you count the two point conversion, which I don't), only 10 of them were runs, for a grand total of 21 yards. 39 of them were passes, for 297 yards, 3 touchdowns, 6 scoring drives, and a comeback by the enemy the likes of which Arrowhead had rarely if ever witnessed before.
To say the 77,000 plus of me and my closest friends left that stadium in stunned disbelief, is an insult to stunned disbelief.
"Fat" Andy literally did anything he wanted to in that second half. Donovan McNabb threw three touchdowns -- all in goal to go situations. It's not like the Chiefs secondary was abysmal -- it started Dexter McCleon, Greg Wesley, Patrick Surtain, "Brave" Bennie Sapp, and Sammy Knight. You can win with that secondary. The Chiefs did -- ten times in sixteen tries in 2005.
But this failure? A failure that ultimately cost the 2005 Chiefs the postseason **** ?
I'm hard pressed to pin this epic disaster anymore on Richard A. Vermeil, on TrINT Green's god-awful performance (19-30, two costly interceptions (one of which was the margin of victory)), or on (as I noted fifteen years ago) a once-in-a-lifetime rally we'd never witness again.
"A once in a lifetime rally we'll never witness again."
As usual, I was wr ... wr ... wr ... possibly incorrect.
And I've never been happier, to be so.
Even if it took me fifteen years, to understand why.
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(****: either this debacle, or the collapse in Dallas two months later, cost the 2005 Chiefs a playoff berth. In both games, the Chiefs led by at least ten points, and choked. Having been at both games, I think Philly was the worse loss ... but it's not like the Cowboys defeat is exactly defensible.)
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Because fifteen years later, on the same field, in virtually the same position, "Fat" Andy orchestrated another rally you might witness once in a lifetime, if you're lucky -- coming back from down 24 to the Texans to take the lead -- this time in half the time it took "Fat" Andy and his Eagles to rally fifteen years ago. In barely ten minutes, the Chiefs went from being on the receiving end of one of the greatest upsets in NFL playoff history, to being on the giving end of one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history, period.
We Chiefs fans should have seen "The Comeback" against the Texans coming. I should have seen it coming. And maybe I would have, if I'd gone eight years of research back, instead of seven.
The lesson? Sh*t if I know, other than I'm damned glad "Fat" Andy Reid is my team's head coach ...
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