I start to feel this way.
It makes me wonder if I'm ever
Gonna feel this way again!
There's a picture,
And it's hanging,
In the back of my head --
I see it over and over ...
I want to hold you,
To love you, in my arms and then?
I want to need you, 'cause I need to?
Be with you 'til the end!
But then I hear myself reply,
You've got to hold it in!
But this time?
Tonight? ...
(If Only!)
I had the guts to feel this way!
(And If Only!)
You'd look at me and want to stay!
(And If Only!)
I'd take you in my arms and say?
I won't go, 'cause I need you --
'Cause I need you now! ..."
-- "If Only" by Hanson. (Pause). Don't judge. 1999 was one fun as f*ck year for me ... that, and this song is still damned good, twenty plus years later ...
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And then, there were four.
In the words of that prestigious law firm that Rebecca Howe worked for, "Emerson, Lake, and Palmer" * ? "Welcome back my friends! To the show that never ends! We're so glad you could attend! Come inside! Come inside!"
A week's worth of postings has been building to this: the finale of Chiefs Bracketology (The Race To Crown My Favorite Game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era). We will crown a champion today, come hell, high water, or death by infectious disease, dammit ** !
Anyways, in case you're just tuning in -- welcome! And here is what you would have missed so far, if you are in that category:
* The Thirty One Automatic Bids.
* The Thirty Seven At Large Qualifiers.
* Bracketology.
* From Sixty Eight to Sixteen on the Right Side.
* From Sixty Eight to Sixteen on the Left Side.
* From Sixteen to 'Fo.
And now, the finale, of Chiefs Bracketology.
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(*: the "Cheers" finale holds up shockingly well. Rebecca coming unhinged at the realization she's going to marry a plumber still has me crying from laughter thirty years later. "Looks like we're not getting any work out of her today. / Yeah, and she doesn't start that 'til noon!".)
(** ok, probably not in the last case, but still, we're crowning a champ today, dammit! That, or my name isn't Gumby, dammit! (Pause). Fine, my name isn't Gumby ... but dammit, my fingers are hurting from typing this much in the last week!
In all seriousness -- I have no idea how "Reputable CBS Sportsline Columnist" does this every week. It's painful. Typing 30k plus words in a week hurts! I swear, my hand(s) haven't hurt this much since ... well, let's not go there ... but circa 1999. I mean for f*ck's sake, I liked most of the boy bands at the turn of the century! I'm shocked -- shocked! -- there was rarely a girl in sight back then! (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh hell yes, I can still do every dance move to "Bye Bye Bye"! I still do that at every Chiefs Tailgate! And ... I'm sleeping next to a pillow tonight You think those facts are connected?)
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The Final Four.
* 4 vs Chargers Week 1 2016 over 1 at those people Week 4 2018.
Believe it or not, this was not a difficult choice for me. That Chargers game was so damned fun, it actually trumped beating my most hated sports team in their building, while I witnessed it.
And "fun", is what this exercise in typing is trying to resolve -- the funnest game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era.
Also, to be fair, this is definitely the undercard, to the main event. Larry Merchant *** , Jim Lampley, and Harold Lederman might have scored this upset right but ...
(***: I contend the reason boxing has fallen apart as a sporting event, is due to the demise of it mattering on HBO. I actually think not only "The Voice of Reason", but Mr. Reason's father, would agree with me on this. There was NEVER a boxing match on HBO we missed for a solid twenty years. Sh*t, up to and including PPV. The late, great "Mean" Gene Okerlund had nothing on the boxing PPV purchases back then. Again, I know I'm right on this. Anyway ...)
... but the remaining Final Four game, makes Buster Douglas over Mike Tyson seem reasonable ...
* 2 vs Texans AFC Divisional 2019 over 1 vs 49ers Super Bowl LIV 2019.
Hang on, I might need to get some protection to avoid the projectiles and (indianapolis colts gameday program voice) "missile like objects" headed my way, for this choice.
(And trust me friends, peoples, peepettes, and people more under the influence of whatever, than me right now stumbling onto this: I have made many, many, many, many, many choices in life that are far, far, far, far, far more regrettable, than liking the Texans triumph two months ago, more than the Super Bowl victory a month ago.)
All I can truly say is this: if you were there for that second quarter, you not only get why this upset is my choice, but you can see the path to victory in this Bracketology for the Texans game, from a mile away.
You want a game for the ages? You got it -- from down 24 to up 27 in the span of 30 minutes. You want moments of a lifetime? You got it -- Dirty Danny Sorenson's fake punt tackle, and not even ninety seconds later, his forced fumble on the kickoff return that Darwin Thompson returned to the six. You want announcers who actually sound like they're enjoying their job? I honestly thought Tony Romo was gonna scream himself as hoarse on the call, as I did shouting myself silent inside of Arrowhead that afternoon.
And you want to see Terrorhead at its finest? Every godd*mned second from Dirty Dan's fake punt tackle, until Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" put the Chiefs up for good with his third touchdown toss to Travis Kelce ... of the last eight minutes.
I tried to convey my feelings about that game ... and pretty much failed, because I just didn't do it right. Maybe someday I will remedy that, and recap just the Texans game, rather than lumping Houston and Tennessee together.
But for this post? Just know this -- I have said for decades that I could die a happy man if the Chiefs would simply bring Lamar's Trophy home once, with me present to see it. That happened, on January 19, 2020. Then I noted that I could really die a happy man, if they'd steal that Lombardi dude's Trophy too. That happened, on February 2, 2020.
Both of those happened within the last three months.
And both of those games? Lost in this Bracketology, to the game that preceded it, on January 12, 2020.
THAT? Is how much the Texans Divisional Game means to me. Not even the game I denoted as "The Catalyst" (and on that, I know I'm 100% right), not even that game, had a chance against the Titans or 49ers. The Texans game not only lived up to the hype; it somehow surpassed it in a way few games and/or sporting events I give a f*ck about ever have!
And again, if you need a refresher, this is to figure out my favorite game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era. Not the best -- clearly that is the Super Bowl, and only a person with an IQ below that of a crash test dummy would deny that. But favorite?
Give me the Texans. Give me 51 unanswered points, trailing by 24. Give me the raw, pure emotion of Dirty Dan sniffing out the fake punt, of Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" finding the end zone four times in nine minutes down 24. Give me what the crowd felt like that day (and believe me, if you weren't crying, you have no idea what emotions are).
Give me EVERYTHING that day was, over the game three weeks later, than many of you would have picked in this matchup of epic, fun, "want to relive it forever" Chiefs games!
(Pause).
I suppose it goes without saying, that y'all know how this is going to end ...
The Championship.
* 2 vs Texans AFC Divisional 2019 over 4 vs Chargers Week 1 2016.
The two greatest comebacks in franchise history. One from down 21 in the second half; one from down 24 in the first. One matters slightly more than the other, don't you think?
Oh, and even as a "Sir" Alex Smith apologist (and someone who prays "Sir" Alex somehow, someway, is leading us in "The Chop" on Thursday, September 10th): Mahomes Trumps Smith. Because of course he did ... and does. Even Mr. Miyagi knows the mentor eventually is felled by the student.
Winner of Chiefs Bracketology (The Race to Crown My Favorite Game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era): 2 vs Texans AFC Divisional 2019.
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And so, Chiefs Bracketology draws to a close. I truly hope you enjoyed this. There's so much in life right now that drives you to drink, drives you to complain, drives you to b*tch, p*ss and moan in utter and total frustration. Trust me -- I get it. As someone who has been mandated to work from home come Wednesday, to adhere to Mayor Lucas' (absolutely correct) decision to shut down gatherings of over 1,000 people (the PennTower complex, plus Penn Valley CC, has more than a thousand folks every day), I get it. Life is a b*tch sometimes.
I just hope that for a few moments each night, this at least made you think about fun pointless sh*t like ranking Chiefs games, revising epic Chiefs games, debating which Chiefs game best (jim valvano voice) moved our emotions to tears ... you know, anything but the ugliness invading our world at this point, how fun ignoring the obvious can be.
I also hope you had as much fun reading these posts, as I did, uuh, posting them. This was fun. This series this week reminded me of what this site used to be like: find something that amused me, crack a few jokes, and explain why said thing amused me. Sometimes I think my real-life struggles, real-life anger management issues towards certain people, my real-life f*ck ups and failures, tend to drag this place down to a level I don't desire it to reside at.
My hope in this near year -- this site's 13th! -- is that it return to the fun, interesting, cool read it used to be. I mean hell, you've already gotten almost as many posts out of me by mid March of 2020, as you got for all of 2019. Detailing the run-up to the Playoff Games and the Super Bowl was fantastic. Reliving the funnest, most awesome moments of the last seven years of Chiefs Football has been soul-inspiring. Love or hate my selections? Thank God above we HAVE 68 plus games of fun, frivolity, and outright kick-ass football to celebrate! (Because we didn't from 2006-2012 ... really from 1998-2012, if we're being honest.)
Below is how the final Chiefs Bracketology played out (sorry for the small font, but I had to fit it in one capture, and my monitor is only 20"):
(Yellow highlighting denotes survive and advance.)
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Oh, and one last thing: don't worry. I'm not gonna pull a Rany on you.
The best is yet to be ... at least on this site ...
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