"Clock strikes upon the hour,
And the sun begins to fade.
Still enough time to figure out,
How to chase my blues away.
I'm done alright up 'til now;
It's the light of day that shows me how!
But when the night falls?
My loneliness calls ...
Oh! I wanna dance with somebody!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody!
With somebody who loves me!
Oh! I wanna dance with somebody!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody!
With somebody who loves me! ..."
-- "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston.
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As the Chiefs prepare to enter their eighth season with "Fat" Andy Reid effectively calling the shots, they have now faced every team in the NFL at least once in the Reid Era. (The ones they have only faced once -- your NFC South squads -- the Chiefs will face for a second time sometime between September 10th and January 3rd this upcoming season.)
Here's a look back at how the Chiefs have fared against the other thirty one teams in this league during this awesome, incredible seven year stretch, and my favorite game against each of those squads.
Here we go, I believe in alphabetical order ...
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* Atlanta "Shane" Falcons (1-0-0).
Week Thirteen 2016 (at "Shane" Falcons): Chiefs 29, "Shane" Falcons 28.
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Thirteen 2016. I suppose I could have picked the preseason game from two seasons ago, when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Tyreek Hill for a 69 (hee hee!) yard touchdown as time expired in the first half ... but in the words of "The Voice of Reason": "it's PRESEASON!" Exactly.
Also, one of my favorite pieces of artwork hanging in the Casa de Stevo is Chris Sembower's rendition of Eric Berry's Pick Two on the extra point conversion, that was the margin of victory that happy afternoon.
* Arizona "Super" Cardinals (1-1-0).
Week Fourteen 2014 (at "Super" Cardinals (CBS)): "Super" Cardinals 17, Chiefs 14.
Week Ten 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 26, "Super" Cardinals 14.
My Favorite Contest: Week Ten 2018. Seems kind of obvious, given the two choices.
Also of note, I finally got to meet my NFL / Twitter buddy Rob (who is a "Super" Cardinals season ticket holder") for this one. Always nice to put a face with the Twitter account.
* Baltimore Ravens (3-0-0).
Week Fifteen 2015 (at Ravens): Chiefs 34, Ravens 14.
Week Fourteen 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 27, Ravens 24 (OT).
Week Three 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 33, Ravens 28.
2020 Season (at Ravens).
My Favorite Contest: Week Fourteen 2018. The 4th and 9 conversion is a play I will never forget. But also overlooked is how close the Chiefs came to winning this in regulation. After tying the game following that 40 yard completion on 4th and 9, the Chiefs forced a fumble on the Ravens next play that Derrick Johnson recovered. Sadly, The Butt Kicker missed the, uuh, kick, as time expired ... but it all worked out in the end.
* Buffalo Bills (3-1-0).
Week Nine 2013 (at Bills): Chiefs 23, Bills 13.
Week Ten 2014 (at Bills): Chiefs 17, Bills 13.
Week Twelve 2015 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 30, Bills 22.
Week Twelve 2017 (at Chiefs): Bills 16, Chiefs 10.
2020 Season (at Bills).
My Favorite Contest: Week Nine 2013. Three weeks before this contest, my dad died twice in an hour due to a few "cardiac events". The thought of never watching a Chiefs game again with him crossed my mind more than a few times in the ensuing week. I watched this one on the couch with him, a memory I'll always love.
* Carolina Panthers (1-0-0).
Week Ten 2016 (at Panthers): Chiefs 20, Panthers 17.
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Ten 2016. Even if this wasn't the only option, remember this game Chiefs fans. The Chiefs trailed 17-3 at the half; 17-6 with eleven to play. Then Eric Berry had a Pick Six. Then a defensive stand and the tying field goal. And then Marcus Peters literally stripped the ball out of Greg Olson's hands, returned it to the red zone, and Cairo Santos won this one as time expired. One of the great comebacks in franchise history, let alone limiting that history to the "Fat" Andy Reid Era.
* Chicago Bears (1-1-0).
Week Five 2015 (at Chiefs): Bears 18, Chiefs 17.
Week Sixteen 2019 (at Bears (SNF)): Chiefs 26, Bears 3.
My Favorite Contest: Week Sixteen 2019. Mr. Mahomes counting to ten was the capper. Poor Bears fans. You not only whiffed on both Mr. Mahomes and Deshaun Watson ... but you traded up to grab Mitchell Trubisky. How the hell is Ryan Pace employed?
* Cincinnati Bengals (1-1-0).
Week Four 2015 (at Bengals): Bengals 36, Chiefs 21.
Week Seven 2018 (at Chiefs (SNF)): Chiefs 45, Bengals 10.
My Favorite Contest: Week Seven 2018. One of the great ass kickings in Arrowhead's history. Seeing Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" leading the, uuh, Chiefs sideline in a stirring sing-along to "Sweet Caroline" was, uuh, sweet.
* Cleveland Browns (3-0-0).
Week Eight 2013 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 23, Browns 17.
Week Sixteen 2015 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 17, Browns 13.
Week Nine 2018 (at Browns): Chiefs 37, Browns 21.
My Favorite Contest: Week Sixteen 2015. It clinched a wild card berth for the Chiefs, which seemed damned near a Marion Berry Memorial Crack Pipe Dream nine weeks earlier, when the Chiefs sat at 1-5, preparing to host the Steelers.
* Dallas Cowboys (1-1-0).
Week Two 2013 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 17, Cowboys 16.
Week Nine 2017 (at Cowboys (CBS)): Cowboys 28, Chiefs 17.
My Favorite Contest: Week Two 2013. First home win of the "Fat" Andy Era. The first true sign that 2013 and beyond were going to be infinitely better than the five and a half year stench from the Bye Week in 2007 through the end of the 2012 season were. Also, this win, coupled with the opener at Jacksonville the week before, meant the Chiefs had matched their win total from 2012 in the first two weeks of 2013. (They'd match 2011 and 2012's win totals combined, by the bye week in 2013.)
* those people (9-5-0).
Week Eleven 2013 (at those people (SNF)): those people 27, Chiefs 17.
Week Thirteen 2013 (at Chiefs (CBS)): those people 35, Chiefs 28.
Week Two 2014 (at those people (CBS)): those people 24, Chiefs 17.
Week Thirteen 2014 (at Chiefs (SNF)): those people 29, Chiefs 16.
Week Two 2015 (at Chiefs (TNF)): those people 31, Chiefs 24.
Week Ten 2015 (at those people (CBS)): Chiefs 29, those people 13.
Week Twelve 2016 (at those people (SNF)): Chiefs 30, those people 27 (OT).
Week Sixteen 2016 (at Chiefs (SNF)): Chiefs 33, those people 10.
Week Eight 2017 (at Chiefs (MNF)): Chiefs 29, those people 19.
Week Seventeen 2017 (at those people): Chiefs 27, those people 24.
Week Four 2018 (at those people (MNF)): Chiefs 27, those people 23.
Week Eight 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 30, those people 23.
Week Seven 2019 (at those people (TNF)): Chiefs 30, those people 6.
Week Fifteen 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 23, those people 3.
2020 Season (at those people).
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: holy hell, I can only pick one? This seems patently ridiculous. I can narrow it down to five, but ... man ... do you pick the game when the Chiefs effectively ended satan manning's career (Week Ten 2015 -- satan posted a 0.00 QBR while chucking four INT's and losing a fumble)? Do you pick the "The Doink" (Week Twelve 2016)? Do you pick the absolute c*nt slapping those people were forced to endure on Christmas Night 2016? Do you pick "The Left Handed Throw" (Week Four 2018)? Do you pick the epic "Snow Game" (Week Fifteen 2019)?
I choose to, uuh, choose, Week Four 2018, if only because it marked the first time I had ever stepped foot inside fake mile high and seen the Red and Gold win. But I'm not sold on it ...
* Detroit Lions (2-0-0).
Week Eight 2015 (at Chiefs (London)): Chiefs 45, Lions 10.
Week Four 2019 (at Lions): Chiefs 34, Lions 30.
My Favorite Contest: Week Eight 2015. Everything about that epic, incredible day. From starting out at McFadden's at 8am for a London kickoff ... to collapsing in a tear-stained trainwreck almost sixteen hours later, as Wade Davis threw a perfect strike to Drew Butera to win the World Series for the Royals. One of the five greatest sporting days in Kansas City history, for sure. At least in my lifetime, anyways. And I turn 44 the day of the Chiefs regular season finale this fall.
* Green Bay Packers (0-2-0).
Week Three 2015 (at Packers (MNF)): Packers 38, Chiefs 28.
Week Eight 2019 (at Chiefs (SNF)): Packers 31, Chiefs 24.
My Favorite Contest: I suppose Week Eight 2019. Also, there are only two teams in the NFL the Chiefs have failed to defeat under "Fat" Andy Reid. One is the Packers (which really isn't a surprise, given how good the Packers have been since Mike Holmgren and Brett Favre and Reggie "Them Asians!" White arrived in Titletown thirty years ago).
The other one? Will stun the sh*t out of you ... when we get there.
It certainly stunned the sh*t out of me.
* Houston Texans (5-2-0).
Week Seven 2013 (at Chiefs (CBS)): Chiefs 17, Texans 16.
Week One 2015 (at Texans): Chiefs 27, Texans 20.
Wild Card Playoff 2015 (at Texans): Chiefs 30, Texans 0.
Week Two 2016 (at Texans): Texans 19, Chiefs 12.
Week Five 2017 (at Texans (SNF)): Chiefs 42, Texans 34.
Week Six 2019 (at Chiefs): Texans 31, Chiefs 24.
Divisional Round Playoff 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 51, Texans 31.
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: another one where it's a tough call. The 2013 game was arguably the greatest fourth quarter defensive performance in franchise history. The 2015 Wild Card Game was the Chiefs first playoff victory in 22 years, and via a shutout to boot. And the Divisional Round Game two months ago was arguably the most awe-inspiring "holy f*ck, this is real and it is spectacular!" comeback in franchise history. (Actually, it was the greatest comeback in franchise history -- the Chiefs had never rallied from down more than 21 before, to win a game. We'll get to that 21 point comeback a few teams from now.)
I guess gun to my head, I'm picking that Divisional Round Game from January, because it was that real, and it was that spectacular. And I can't wait for the third Deshaun / Patrick matchup this fall.
* Indianapolis Colts (2-3-0).
Week Sixteen 2013 (at Chiefs): Colts 23, Chiefs 7.
Wild Card Playoff 2013 (at Colts): Colts 45, Chiefs 44.
Week Eight 2016 (at Colts): Chiefs 30, Colts 14.
Divisional Round Playoffs 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 31, Colts 13.
Week Five 2019 (at Chiefs (SNF)): Colts 19, Chiefs 13.
My Favorite Contest: the Divisional Round Playoff game. What, you thought I was picking the other playoff game?
* Jacksonville Jaguars (4-0-0).
Week One 2013 (at Jaguars): Chiefs 28, Jaguars 2.
Week Nine 2016 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 19, Jaguars 14.
Week Five 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 30, Jaguars 14.
Week One 2019 (at Jaguars): Chiefs 40, Jaguars 26.
My Favorite Contest: Week One 2013. The Jaguars didn't cross midfield until five minutes remained in the game. And they scored first via a blocked punt safety to open the game. That's one hell of a defensive performance. Also, anytime it's still warm up enough early September to haul the flat screen up onto The Pool Deck and watch the game while floating in said Pool? It's a perfect September weather day in my book.
* las vegas raiders (12-2-0).
Week Six 2013 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 24, raiders 7.
Week Fifteen 2013 (at raiders): Chiefs 56, raiders 31.
Week Twelve 2014 (at raiders (TNF)): raiders 24, Chiefs 20.
Week Fifteen 2014 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 31, raiders 13.
Week Thirteen 2015 (at raiders): Chiefs 34, raiders 20.
Week Seventeen 2015 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 23, raiders 17.
Week Six 2016 (at raiders): Chiefs 26, raiders 10.
Week Fourteen 2016 (at Chiefs (TNF)): Chiefs 21, raiders 13.
Week Seven 2017 (at raiders (TNF)): raiders 31, Chiefs 30.
Week Fourteen 2017 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 26, raiders 15.
Week Thirteen 2018 (at raiders): Chiefs 40, raiders 33.
Week Seventeen 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 35, raiders 3.
Week Two 2019 (at raiders): Chiefs 28, raiders 10.
Week Thirteen 2019 (at Chiefs (CBS)): Chiefs 40, raiders 9.
2020 Season (at raiders).
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Seventeen 2015. My 39th birthday bash. Honorable mention to Week Fourteen 2017, which was amongst the two or three most inspired Chiefs performances of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era so far.
* Los Angeles Rams (1-1-0).
Week Eight 2014 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 34, Rams 7.
Week Twelve 2018 (at Rams (MNF)): Rams 54, Chiefs 51.
My Favorite Contest: Week Twelve 2018. Yes, the Chiefs lost, but come on. You can't claim to love this sport, and hate that game, at the same time. That was football at its' offensive finest. (And even the defenses showed up for a play or five to boot!)
* Los Angeles "Super" Chargers (11-3-0).
Week Twelve 2013 (at Chiefs): "Super" Chargers 41, Chiefs 38.
Week Seventeen 2013 (at "Super" Chargers): "Super" Chargers 27, Chiefs 24 (OT).
Week Seven 2014 (at "Super" Chargers): Chiefs 23, "Super" Chargers 20.
Week Seventeen 2014 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 19, "Super" Chargers 7.
Week Eleven 2015 (at "Super" Chargers): Chiefs 33, "Super" Chargers 3.
Week Fourteen 2015 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 10, "Super" Chargers 3.
Week One 2016 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 33, "Super" Chargers 27 (OT).
Week Seventeen 2016 (at "Super" Chargers"): Chiefs 37, "Super" Chargers 27.
Week Three 2017 (at "Super" Chargers): Chiefs 24, "Super" Chargers 10.
Week Fifteen 2017 (at Chiefs (Sat)): Chiefs 30, "Super" Chargers 13.
Week One 2018 (at "Super" Chargers): Chiefs 38, "Super" Chargers 28.
Week Fifteen 2018 (at Chiefs (TNF): "Super" Chargers 29, Chiefs 28.
Week Eleven 2019 (at "Super" Chargers (Mexico)): Chiefs 24, "Super" Chargers 17.
Week Seventeen 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 31, "Super" Chargers 21.
2020 Season (at "Super" Chargers).
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week One 2016. What was, prior to January, the greatest comeback in franchise history ... and ranks amongst my four or five favorite Chiefs game I have ever attended. (And probably always will, if I'm being frank and earnest. And given I'm only usually Frank in Milwaukee and Earnest in Chicago, take it for what's it's worth.)
* Miami Dolphins (2-0-0).
Week Three 2014 (at Dolphins (CBS)): Chiefs 34, Dolphins 15.
Week Sixteen 2017 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 29, Dolphins 13.
2020 Season (at Dolphins).
My Favorite Contest: Week Sixteen 2017. Clinched a second consecutive AFC West championship for the Chiefs ... who prior to that day, had never won the division in back to back seasons.
* Minnesota Vikings (1-1-0).
Week Six 2015 (at Vikings): Vikings 16, Chiefs 10.
Week Nine 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 26, Vikings 23.
My Favorite Contest: Week Nine 2019. Other than the woodshed / red-headed stepchild beating delivered on the raiders in Week Thirteen, this was the Chiefs most complete game in 2019. With a high school coach under center. One of "Fat" Andy's five or six greatest coaching performances, that's for sure.
* New England Patriots (3-3-0).
Week Four 2014 (at Chiefs (MNF)): Chiefs 41, Patriots 14.
Divisional Round Playoff 2015 (at Patriots): Patriots 27, Chiefs 20.
Week One 2017 (at Patriots (TNF)): Chiefs 42, Patriots 27.
Week Six 2018 (at Patriots (SNF)): Patriots 43, Chiefs 40.
AFC Championship Playoff 2018 (at Chiefs): Patriots 37, Chiefs 31 (OT).
Week Fourteen 2019 (at Patriots (CBS): Chiefs 23, Patriots 16.
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Four 2014. Set off one of the greatest forty eight hour stretches of sports the Kansas City area has ever witnessed. Also, beating the sh*t out of the Patriots never, ever, ever gets old.
* New Orleans Saints (1-0-0).
Week Seven 2016 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 27, Saints 21.
2020 Season (at Saints).
My Favorite Contest: Week Seven 2016. Hey, when you only got one to choose from, the choice is pretty damned easy.
* New York Giants (1-1-0).
Week Four 2013 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 31, Giants 7.
Week Eleven 2017 (at Giants): Giants 12, Chiefs 9 (OT).
My Favorite Contest: Week Four 2013. Not a difficult decision.
* New York Jets (2-1-0).
Week Nine 2014 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 24, Jets 10.
Week Three 2016 (at Chiefs (CBS)): Chiefs 24, Jets 3.
Week Thirteen 2017 (at Jets): Jets 38, Chiefs 31.
2020 Season (at Chiefs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Three 2016. A game where the Chiefs forced not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, but eight -- eight! -- Jets turnovers. Ain't we lucky we got 'em? Na Na Na Na Na! Good Times!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Philadelphia Eagles (2-0-0).
Week Three 2013 (at Eagles (TNF)): Chiefs 26, Eagles 16.
Week Two 2017 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 27, Eagles 20.
My Favorite Contest: Week Three 2013. For "Fat" Andy to return to the franchise that fired him not even nine months earlier, and dominate this game from start to finish, was quite an achievement. Also quite the a"Chief"ment? The Chiefs had an eleven minute drive in the fourth quarter to ice the game. That's remarkable.
* Pittsburgh Steelers (2-4-0).
Week Sixteen 2014 (at Steelers): Steelers 20, Chiefs 12.
Week Seven 2015 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 23, Steelers 13.
Week Four 2016 (at Steelers (SNF)): Steelers 43, Chiefs 14.
Divisional Round Playoff 2016 (at Chiefs): Steelers 18, Chiefs 16.
Week Six 2017 (at Chiefs (CBS)): Steelers 19, Chiefs 13.
Week Two 2018 (at Steelers): Chiefs 42, Steelers 34.
My Favorite Contest: Week Seven 2015. As explained by the prior post.
* San Francisco 49ers (2-1-0).
Week Five 2014 (at 49ers (CBS)): 49ers 22, Chiefs 17.
Week Three 2018 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 38, 49ers 27.
Super Bowl LIV (in Miami): Chiefs 31, 49ers 20.
My Favorite Contest: I suppose I have to go with Super Bowl LIV. Although Mr. Mahomes' debut at Arrowhead in Week Three 2018 got a lot of consideration for this honor.
* Seattle Seahawks (1-1-0).
Week Eleven 2014 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 24, Seahawks 20.
Week Sixteen 2018 (at Seahawks (SNF)): Seahawks 38, Chiefs 31.
My Favorite Contest: Week Eleven 2014. Although that Sunday Night (which I was there for) was one epic game to see.
* Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1-0).
Week Eleven 2016 (at Chiefs): Bucs 19, Chiefs 17.
2020 Season (at Bucs).
My Favorite Contest: Week Eleven 2016. Along with the Packers, this is the only other NFL team that "Fat" Andy has not defeated during his tenure atop the Chiefs organization. This is also the game best remembered for the prairie grass on the hill leading up to Gate Six (away from our tailgate) catching on fire and spreading out of control, as the lone firefighter the Chiefs sent out to battle the charcoal-and-gas-infused inferno stood helplessly by, letting that bad boy burn.
* Tennessee Titans (2-4-0).
Week Five 2013 (at Titans): Chiefs 26, Titans 17.
Week One 2014 (at Chiefs): Titans 26, Chiefs 10.
Week Fifteen 2016 (at Chiefs): Titans 19, Chiefs 17.
Wild Card Playoff 2017 (at Chiefs): Titans 22, Chiefs 21.
Week Ten 2019 (at Titans): Titans 35, Chiefs 32.
AFC Championship Playoff 2019 (at Chiefs): Chiefs 35, Titans 24.
My Favorite Contest: (stevo sighing a deep sigh of disgust) really?
I'm telling you people, nothing -- absolutely nothing -- prepared me for the onslaught of emotions that would erupt from me from the moment Sammy Watkins burned the Titans secondary deep with about eight to play, to put the Chiefs up three scores in the 2019 AFC Title Game. Sweet Jesus, just typing that previous sentence has me crying all over again.
I waited forty three years and sixteen days to cry like that. Here's hoping I don't have to wait that long to top it.
* Washington Redskins (2-0-0).
Week Fourteen 2013 (at Redskins): Chiefs 45, Redskins 10.
Week Four 2017 (at Chiefs (MNF)): Chiefs 29, Redskins 20.
My Favorite Contest: Week Fourteen 2013. The victory was the tenth of the 2013 season, and clinched at least a wild card berth for the Chiefs, not even a year after players were shooting their baby mama's dead before killing themselves, en route to "earning" the first pick in every round of the 2013 NFL Draft. The 2013 Chiefs are one of the greatest turnaround stories in the history of football, and if you don't think "Fat" Andy Reid is the reason why that is, then you just don't understand football Marge.
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So ... I am sure you are asking, "Stevo, just what the f*ck was the point of this post"? (Although, in fairness, that's probably something most of you who read this site, as about every post.)
The answer? Well, when it comes to sports, there's really only one thing that matters in March, and it begins for real next Sunday at about 5pm CT with the field announcement. Consider this your 31 automatic bids, to what is going to be this site's March Tournament ... with your 37 at-large bids being announced shortly ...
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