My way of saying, I'm not happy with the recap at all. So, it'll probably be Thursday before it's posted, given (a) the workday facing me tomorrow, (b) bowling league tomorrow night, and (c) the workday on Thursday.
But the theme fits. Please see below, the theme for this week's (latest) defeat ... and the initial paragraphs, of what's coming. If only to tide you over.
And yes, the theme is an atrocious (in a good way) song. Not just for the game, but for where life is at this point.
Or to at least give you a ... whatever ply printer paper is, for the second office.
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“I’ve got to say it, and it’s hard for me.
You got me crying like I thought I would never be.
Love is believing, but you let me down!
How can I love you when you ain’t around?
And I …
Get to the morning, but you never call.
Love should be everything or not at all!
But it don’t matter – whatever you do?
I’ve made a life out of loving you.
Only to find? Any
dream that I follow, is dying!
I’m crying in the rain.
I could be searching my world for a love everlasting,
Feeling no pain. When
will we meet again?
Why do you have to be a heartbreaker?
Is it a lesson that I never knew?
Gotta get out of the spell that I’m under –
My love for you.
Why do you have to be a heartbreaker,
When I was being what you want me to be!
Suddenly everything I ever wanted?
Has passed me by.
This world may end –
But not you and I! …
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I have said before, both in person and on this site, many
times before, that the 1980 US Hockey Team is my favorite sports team of all time.
If you have seen “Miracle”, the (shockingly good) 2004 movie
about that hockey team, there’s a scene after Herb and his boys arrive in Lake
Placid, where Herb is sitting with his wife, watching the kids skate in the
park, and he begins lamenting that his team is going to disappoint the nation
in twenty four hours. He begins noting
that the US just doesn’t match up. They
simply don’t have the talent to pull off the upset.
And his wife listens for awhile, before finally stopping him
and asking one question. “What have you
been saying all along, Herb?”
Mr. Brooks’ response?
“Someone’s gonna beat those guys.
Someone’s gonna beat those bastards.”
That, folks, was my response leaving yesterday’s game. Someone IS going to beat those assholes. And I pray to God we get one last crack at
them, the second Saturday in January, at “The House patrick j. bowlen’s Lies
Built”, to be the team to do it.
The denver broncos won the AFC West yesterday, and given
their remaining schedule, they probably clinched home field advantage, and an
opening slot in the Saturday night prime time position in the divisional
round. Thanks to so many advantageous
outcomes yesterday, the Kansas City Chiefs all but clinched a playoff berth yesterday
– one win will do it, and even if that win does not come on the road these next
two weeks against craptacular opposition (at Redskins / at raiders), the Chiefs
are still three clear with four to go, and only a collapse that would make
1996’s collapse (four up with five to play) look minor, would keep the Chiefs
from opening at Cincinnati or Indy on my (gulp) 37th birthday
weekend.
A road trip, by the way, we’re making; that was decided
three weeks ago, and confirmed waiting for Lot G to clear out last night. Indy?
Cincy? One of you two fine
establishments is hosting one helluva birthday bash for your buddy Stevo. Get the party favors ready, and make sure
every local liquor establishment is well stocked with Jack Daniels, Southern
Comfort, and Coca-Cola. Or Diet Coke in
a pinch.
Yesterday was one of the more stressful games I’ve ever
witnessed in that stadium. For fifty
eight minutes and sixteen seconds, the Chiefs went toe to toe with Satan’s
Squad, and give them credit – they had a 4th and 3 at the donkeys 9,
with 1:44 to play, trailing by seven.
They stood when they had to in the fourth quarter, forcing not one, but
two donkeys punts when trailing by 14 and then 7. They drove 90 plus yards down 14; they nearly
did it again down 7.
But give denver credit too.
They scored 28 unanswered after going down 14 themselves. They had at least five play calls in the
second half in which I turned to the other Steve, the guy I sit by, and simply
said “that was genius”. Give denver all
the credit in the world – in the span of eight days, needing at least one win
at two of the three toughest venues in the league, they got one win, and damned
near got two.
They earned the division, and I congratulate them for it.
But someone’s gonna beat those jackasses.
I hope we get one last crack at them.
Because the Chiefs are good enough, to be the team that
beats them when it truly counts.
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“The twins are doing the tomahawk chop! One proud dad!” – my brother, to me, shortly
before kickoff.
“Very audible “f*ck the broncos!” chant going right
now. You get the twins to do that …” –
my response.
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The first hysterical moment, was during KC Wolf’s
sketch. Obviously, given Mr. Wolf’s
recent demise via that ol’ “jump line fails and Wolf plows either (a) onto the
concrete below or (b) into the concrete in front, and breaks his back” routine
that never fails to shut a mascot down.
But Sunday … was priceless.
First, Dan Roberts invites us to welcome Warpaint, after a
brief “get well soon / please, dear Jesus, do not sue us!!!” moment of
appreciation for Mr. Wolf. And then Dan
Roberts notes that the broncos also have a horse mascot, and that instead of a
KC Wolf sketch that we all know how it would have gone*, instead, there’s going
to be a race, between Warpaint, and the “broncos mascot”.
Cue a literal jackass**, wearing pink ribbons and bows,
being drug up next to Warpaint.
I literally had tears streaming down my face from laughing
as hard as I did. The only thing that
was missing, was if some fat drunk wearing a barrel upheld by suspenders, and
only a barrel upheld by suspenders, was atop the “broncos mascot”. Even the broncos fan my seatmate Ryan
brought, thought it was funny.
Needless to say, the donkey did not win the race. I’m just thankful he didn’t defecate on the
field. Because from my vantage point, he
definitely looked ready to take a squat at about the 35 yard line. That was not a happy donkey. But it was a happy Stevo, laughing at poor
donkey being drug around in misery.
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(*: it’s my second favorite KC Wolf sketch ever: classless
broncos fan wearing a barrel steals Wolf’s … whatever, then Wolf hauls ass
after him, reaches the strategically placed ATV, chases “barrel man” onto the
field, and then drop kicks him about six times, before grabbing the donkeys
flag, driving over it about 50 times, as “barrel man” lay dead next to the
conveniently placed ATV. This
sketch? Occurred not even two weeks
after Barrel Man died. There’s
classless, and then there’s tastefully done comedy. That? I
could be talked into “tastefully done”.
Oh, and my favorite?
Was when Mr. Wolf so defiled a Deion Sanders dummy before the 49ers game
in 1994, that Mr. Sanders walked out onto the field, grabbed the defiled dummy,
and propped it up next to him on the bench for the rest of the day. There’s comedy, there’s comedic genius, and
then there’s “even Pat Summerall and John Madden are getting a good laugh out
of Deion Sanders’ propping up a dummy” hilarity.)
(**: if the Bible refers to a donkey as an “ass” or a “jackass”,
depending upon your version and translation, then I feel perfectly comfortable referring
to the broncos mascot as a jackass. Even
Jesus hates the denver broncos!)
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I made it into work this morning (as in, I’m picking up the
recap here on Tuesday, not Monday – I had a PTO day on Monday), and Shannon,
who sits in front of me, stands up and this conversation occurs:
(shannon) Whew! I had
my doubts!
(stevo) What do you mean?
(shannon) When I heard a guy died out there, I thought for
sure it was you … or that you were the killer.
(stevo) Nah. Total
opposite side of the stadium. Besides,
we don’t kill people where I tailgate.
We have good old fashioned fun of an adult entertainment variety!
Sadly, I also had this conversation when standing in the
sandwich line at 12:40 this afternoon:
(pat) Hey! Good to
see you!
(stevo) Yeah, you too!
It’s been a while.
(pat) So were you there Sunday?
(stevo) Come on. You
know I will never miss denver.
(pat) I figured. So
that guy who was murdered? He used to
date my daughter.
(stevo) (nearly letting a solid spit launch that would make
Eli Gold proud) Are you serious?
(pat) Yeah. He was a
great kid. Sad day.
I’d say so.
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Here’s why I’m not demoralized, defeated, or downtrodden
over Sunday’s loss. And granted, it’s
taken me a day or so to get to this point … but considering after the defeat to
those people in 2002, I came home, grabbed a handle of vodka, and locked myself
in my room for three straight days to “deal” with the defeat, only needing one
day is progress.
Chiefs fans? If you
had been told at 3:15pm on Sunday, that the following four things would occur:
(1) Alex Smith would throw a horrendous, indefensible
interception from the donkeys 1 yard line on the first drive of the game,
(2) The broncos would score 28 unanswered points,
(3) That eric decker would have not one, not two, not three,
but four touchdowns, and
(4) The Chiefs would have the ball, 4th and 3, at
the donkeys 9, with 1:44 to play, and a chance to tie, would you have taken it?
All four of those things, happened on Sunday.
And for the record, I absolutely would have taken it.
It’s why someone is gonna beat those guys when it really
counts.
And I want one last crack at ‘em, come the second Saturday
in January.
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The rest, coming by Thursday.
OK, ok, fine -- Friday.
(Hang on, let me build in Saturday ...)
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