That's what I always thought.
Yeah, I was that kind of man;
Just ask anyone.
'Cause I don't dance.
Yet here I am.
Spinning you 'round and 'round
In circles.
It ain't my style,
But I don't care!
I'd do anything
With you anywhere!
Yes, you've got me
By the palm of my hand --
'Cause I don't dance ..."
-- "I Don't Dance" by Lee Brice.
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Like I noted in the two prior posts that revealed the Field of 68 to determine what my favorite Chiefs game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era is, creating the bracket is the hardest part of this job.
Figuring out where to seed teams and games, how to manipulate this into the outcome I want / hope for, coming up with creative matchups that will make you think about what this post is trying to resolve ... it ain't easy being me.
(Trust me -- I tried to do this once before, via TV Theme Songs. You'd have thought I'd have exposed you to the Corona Virus, the hatred for who I had winning some of those matchups, was that intense.)
Having said that ... let's unveil the bracket, (worst tv show of all time * theme song voice) one day at a time. No wait -- I mean, (whitney houston voice) all at once.
The four bracket regions are:
* All raiders and those people. All games in this regional involve contests against the raiders or those people.
* All NFC contests. All games in this regional involve contests against the NFC.
* All AFC contests. All games in this regional involve contests against the AFC, that don't involve the raiders or those people.
* Potpourri ** . The remaining contestants in the field. This regional can involve any squad that qualified for the field, but wasn't selected for said other regional(s) for whatever reason(s).
Also, in terms of seeding this thing, we're going to try to employ an S-Curve, and draft by strength of regional. For purposes of the S-Curve, we'll rank the four regionals in order as they appear above -- all raiders / those people rank 1st, All NFC ranks 2nd, All AFC ranks 3rd, and Potpourri ranks 4th.
(Which means your two seeds go Potpourri, All AFC, All NFC, then all raiders / those people, (aaliyah voice) then back, back, and forth, forth (alright!).)
Ready? Because I am so, so ready to do this ...
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(*: as noted many times before, the reboot of "One Day At a Time" is absolutely phenomenal. Looking forward to Season Four on Pop! Network as soon as it hits the air in two weeks.)
(**: I thought about choosing Le Tits Now! or Whore Ads! ... but "SNL" already perfected those "regional" names.)
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The S-Curve.
(1) Seeds: at those people, Week Four 2018; vs 49ers, Super Bowl LIV 2019; vs Titans, AFC Championship 2019; vs Colts, Divisional Round 2018.
(2) Seeds: vs Ravens, Week Fourteen 2018; vs Texans, AFC Divisional Round 2019; vs Cowboys, Week Two 2013; vs raiders, Week Seventeen 2015.
(3) Seeds: vs those people, Week Sixteen 2016; at Eagles, Week Three 2013; vs Steelers, Week Seven 2015; vs Jets, Week Three 2016.
(4) Seeds: vs "Super" Chargers, Week One 2016; at Jaguars Week One 2013; at "Shane" Falcons, Week Thirteen 2016; vs raiders, Week Fourteen 2016.
(5) Seeds: vs raiders, Week Six 2013; at Bears, Week Sixteen 2019; vs Patriots, Week Four 2014; at Steelers Week Two 2018.
(6) Seeds: vs Bengals, Week Seven 2018; at Bills, Week Nine 2013; vs Lions, Week Eight 2015; vs those people Week Fifteen 2019.
(7) Seeds: at those people, Week Ten 2015; at Panthers, Week Ten 2016; vs Ravens, Week Three 2019; at "Super" Chargers, Week Seventeen 2016.
(8) Seeds: at Texans, Wild Card Playoff 2015; at Colts, Week Eight 2016; vs Vikings, Week Nine 2019; at raiders Week 13 2015.
(9) Seeds: at those people, Week Twelve 2016; vs Seahawks, Week Eleven 2014; at Texans, Week Five 2017; vs Saints, Week Seven 2016.
(10) Seeds: at Patriots, Week One 2017; vs Dolphins, Week Sixteen 2017; at Redskins, Week Fourteen 2013; at raiders, Week Two 2019.
(11) Seeds: vs raiders, Week Fourteen 2017; vs Giants, Week Four 2013; vs Jaguars, Week Five 2018; vs Browns, Week Sixteen 2015.
(12) Seeds: vs Texans, Week Seven 2013; at Patriots, Week Fourteen 2019; vs "Super" Cardinals, Week Ten 2018; at those people, Week Seventeen 2017.
(13) Seeds: at those people, Week Seven 2019; vs Eagles, Week Two 2017, at Dolphins, Week Three 2014; vs 49ers, Week Three 2018.
(14) Seeds: vs "Super" Chargers, Week Fifteen 2017; at Titans, Week Ten 2019; at Cowboys, Week Nine 2017; at raiders, Week Fifteen 2013.
(15) Seeds: vs those people, Week Eight 2017; at Rams, Week Twelve 2018; at Patriots, Week Six 2018; vs Packers, Week Eight 2019.
(16) Seeds (all featuring play-in / first four matchups):
* raiders / those people Regional: vs raiders, Week Thirteen 2019 against at those people, Week Eleven 2013.
* NFC Regional: vs Buccaneers, Week Eleven 2016 against vs Redskins, Week Four 2017.
* AFC Regional: at Colts, Wild Card 2013 against at Texans, Week One 2015.
* Potpourri Regional: vs Texans, Week Six 2019 against vs Patriots, AFC Championship 2018.
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Which gives you a bracket that looks like this:
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The Bracket Breakdown by Team Bids.
* One Bid Teams (16): Atlanta "Shane" Falcons, Arizona "Super" Cardinals, Buffalo Bills, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, Los Angeles Rams, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, New York Jets, Seattle Seahawks, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
* Two Bid Teams (9): Baltimore Ravens, Dallas Cowboys, Jacksonville Jaguars, Miami Dolphins, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Francisco 49ers, Tennessee Titans, Washington Redskins.
* Three Bid Teams (2): Indianapolis Colts, Los Angeles "Super" Chargers.
* Four Plus Bid Teams (4): those people (9), Houston Texans (6), las vegas raiders (8), New England Patriots (5).
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The Bracket Breakdown by Season.
* 2013 (11/17: 64.7%): at Jaguars Week One, vs Cowboys Week Two, at Eagles Week Three, vs Giants Week Four, vs raiders Week Six, vs Texans Week Seven, at Bills Week Nine, at those people Week Eleven, at Redskins Week Fourteen, at raiders Week Fifteen, at Colts Wild Card Playoff.
* 2014 (3/16: 18.8%): at Dolphins Week Three, vs Patriots Week Four, vs Seahawks Week Eleven.
* 2015 (8/18: 44.4%): at Texans Week One, vs Steelers Week Seven, vs Lions Week Eight, at those people Week Ten, at raiders Week Thirteen, vs Browns Week Sixteen, vs raiders Week Seventeen, at Texans Wild Card Playoff.
* 2016 (11/17: 64.7%): vs "Super" Chargers Week One, vs Jets Week Three, vs Saints Week Seven, at Colts Week Eight, at Panthers Week Ten, vs Bucs Week Eleven, at those people Week Twelve, at "Shane" Falcons Week Thirteen, vs raiders Week Fourteen, vs those people Week Sixteen, at "Super" Chargers Week Seventeen.
* 2017 (10/17: 58.8%): at Patriots Week One, vs Eagles Week Two, vs Redskins Week Four, at Texans Week Five, vs those people Week Eight, at Cowboys Week Nine, vs raiders Week Fourteen, vs "Super" Chargers Week Fifteen, vs Dolphins Week Sixteen, at those people Week Seventeen.
* 2018 (11/18: 61.1%): at Steelers Week Two, vs 49ers Week Three, at those people Week Four, vs Jaguars Week Five, at Patriots Week Six, vs Bengals Week Seven, vs "Super" Cardinals Week Ten, at Rams Week Eleven, vs Ravens Week Fourteen, vs Colts Divisional Playoff, vs Patriots AFC Championship.
* 2019 (14/19: 73.7%): at raiders Week Two, vs Ravens Week Three, vs Texans Week Six, at those people Week Seven, vs Packers Week Eight, vs Vikings Week Nine, at Titans Week Ten, vs raiders Week Thirteen, at Patriots Week Fourteen, vs those people Week Fifteen, at Bears Week Sixteen, vs Texans Divisional Playoff, vs Titans AFC Championship, vs 49ers Super Bowl LIV.
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The First Four Left Out.
* 2015: vs Bills Week Twelve.
* 2016: at raiders Week Six.
* 2018: at "Super" Chargers, Week One.
* 2019: at "Super" Chargers, Week Eleven (Mexico).
The Next Four Left Out:
* 2014: vs raiders Week Fifteen.
* 2015: at "Super" Chargers, Week Eleven.
* 2016: vs Steelers Divisional Playoff.
* 2018: vs those people Week Eight.
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The Forty Six Not Considered for Bracketing.
* 2013 (6/17: 35.3%): at Titans Week Five, vs Browns Week Eight, vs "Super" Chargers Week Twelve, vs those people Week Thirteen, vs Colts Week Sixteen, at "Super" Chargers Week Seventeen.
* 2014 (12/16: 75.0%): vs Titans Week One, at those people Week Two, at 49ers Week Five, at "Super" Chargers Week Seven, vs Rams Week Eight, vs Jets Week Nine, at Bills Week Ten, at raiders Week Twelve, vs those people Week Thirteen, at "Super" Cardinals Week Fourteen, at Steelers Week Sixteen, vs "Super" Chargers Week Seventeen.
* 2015 (8/18: 44.4%): vs those people Week Two, at Packers Week Three, at Bengals Week Four, vs Bears Week Five, at Vikings Week Six, vs "Super" Chargers Week Fourteen, at Ravens Week Fifteen, at Patriots, Divisional Playoff.
* 2016 (4/17: 23.5%): at Texans Week Two, at Steelers Week Four, vs Jaguars Week Nine, vs Titans Week Fifteen.
* 2017 (7/17: 41.2%): at "Super" Chargers Week Three, vs Steelers Week Six, at raiders Week Seven, at Giants Week Eleven, vs Bills Week Twelve, at Jets Week Thirteen, vs Titans Wild Card Playoff.
* 2018 (5/18: 27.8%): at Browns Week Nine, at raiders Week Thirteen, vs "Super" Chargers Week Fifteen, at Seahawks Week Sixteen, vs raiders Week Seventeen.
* 2019 (4/19: 21.1%): at Jaguars Week One, at Lions Week Four, vs Colts Week Five, vs "Super" Chargers Week Seventeen.
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And so, as noted above, The Bracket is set. Tomorrow we start running this thing. And I suppose this is where I note, I don't have a pick to win. This isn't going to be completely biased. I mean, the TV Theme Song tourney from seven years ago, I knew it would be "Cheers" against "Hill Street Blues" in the final. I wasn't sure who would win ... but I knew the final before the exercise began.
That is not the case, with this tournament. There are easily ten, eleven, twelve "teams" that can win this thing. There are easily three, four "squads" in each region, that I could see winning said region. It's figuring out which one most deserves the crown of "favorite", that's gonna be fun to play out.
I am sure some of you will disagree with some of my at-large, if not automatic, selections. (Note, in the case of the Saints, "Shane" Falcons, Panthers, and Buccaneers, there was no choice but to make them automatic qualifiers, as the Chiefs have faced those four squads only once in the "Fat" Andy Reid Era. And in every other NFC squad's pick, I only have two games to choose from, so the auto-bid was pretty much a given with most of them (aka "if the Chiefs won one of the two, that's your auto-bid").
Even I, in looking back, can see some head-scratching non-selections. (I'm looking at you, 2019 Week One at Jaguars.) But I do think that by and large, I got the field right. I think I got at least 65/68 correct, for who should be in this thing, to determine my favorite game of the "Fat" Andy Reid Era.
And again -- this isn't a (coach fambrough voice) showdown, throwdown, hoedown, to determine the best game. That's already been decided -- Super Bowl LIV, and you're a f*cking idiot if you claim any other game, as the best.
But favorite? Doesn't have to be the best. That's what makes this fun (at least for me). A game that means a hell of a lot to me -- like Christmas Night 2016 -- might not mean sh*t to you. A game you hold sacred and close to the heart -- like Week Five 2013 -- may have very negative context for me, and not only won't get out of the first round, it never came close to sniffing the field through any means or ways into said field.
So we start this bastardo tomorrow with the First Four contests, and the Round of 64 matchups. Possibly through to narrow this down to the Sweet Sixteen by Wednesday, if I'm feeling ambitious.
But until then, in case you think I just pulled this idea and concept out of my hairless white ass ... well, (billy joel voice) you may be right, I may be crazy, and I may just be the lunatic you're looking for, because here are my notes, on trying to figure this thing out:
(u2 voice) Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me, one thing nobody can deny about me: you can't read my handwriting by page three -- four at the latest -- of me, uuh, writing something, to save your collective asses. Chicken scratches are more readable than my scribbled notes by page four. Image credit: me, via the iPhone 11 something.))
And hey -- until tomorrow, as Sergeant Platt should take to noting on every episode of "Chicago PD", if only respect for the greatness that preceded her a show and four decades ago: "hey! Let's be careful out there!" ...
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