Things did not go well for the Red and Gold last week. In fact, it's fairly difficult to imagine how things could have gone worse. Here then are the AFC Standings entering Week Eleven, as always separated into three tiers: the division leaders, the wild card contenders, and your also-rans:
Here then are the Week Twelve rooting interests, which thanks to a collapse in Nashville the likes of which only General Hood could comprehend, have taken on much more importance than they should have.
* Byes: Titans. I'll have more to say about my trip to the Music City later this week in all likelihood, but allow me to say this: I am not a bar person. I'm also not a party person. (But you are a functioning alcoholic, right? Well, duh.)
I closed Broadway down Saturday night, it was so much fun. Job well done, Nashville. Job well done.
* Biggest Game: Texans at Ravens (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). Sweet Jesus, it's not possible to undersell this game. Your first (I believe) Lamar Jackson / Deshaun Watson matchup since one was winning the Heisman, and the other was hoisting whatever the hell they call the College Playoff trophy. This game probably means a lot more to the Texans than the Ravens, given they have no room to breathe in the South, with every team within one in the loss column if they drop this one. Conversely, with the Steelers heating up, and the Browns improbably still alive, the Ravens can't afford a step back either.
This one is gonna be fun folks. Here's to hoping my local CBS affiliate has this game. (Note: we do! Yay KCTV5! For once, you're doing right by the Chiefs and their fans! Who knew you had it in you?)
Root For: Texans. The best shot for the Chiefs to get a first round bye is with a three way tie for the two seed, which they would likely win via divisional record. That means we need some Ravens and Texans losses. Barring a tie, one of them is losing Sunday. And they're both facing really tough games the next two weeks after this one -- Baltimore goes to the Rams and 49ers; Houston hosts Indy and New England.
* Second Biggest Game: Bengals at raiders (Sunday, 3:25 CT, CBS). At this point, barring the Upset O' The Decade, it will be (at worst) 6-5 oakland at (at worst) 6-5 Kansas City in three weeks, with (at best) 5-6 Los Angeles hot on those two squads' heels. It's shaping up to be 2017 all over again: a three way clusterf*ck with four weeks to go, and everybody plays everybody down the stretch.
(And just like in 2017? Those people are nowhere to be found! I totally dig those people going back to being the division's port-a-potty / doormat / dog's training pad, which is exactly what they are. #neverdenver)
And what we're rooting for Sunday, is the Upset O' The Decade. Folks, the raiders are favored by double digits! Double digits! And deservedly so. The Bengals are 0-9, starting a rookie quarterback who just got his ass handed to him, at home, by nearly 40 points, are clearly Tanking for Tua or Burrowing for, uuh, Burrow, and if it's possible to quit on a season before Veterans Day, they've managed to do it.
Just because you root for something, doesn't mean it's gonna happen. (Cue all of us inside of Arrowhead ten months ago, waiting on a coin flip to open overtime, nodding in agreement.)
* Root For: Bengals. It would really be nice if the raiders could drop one before they roll into Arrowhead to close down Thanksgiving weekend. I believe it is much more realistic that they lose in the Fake Meadowlands to Browning Nagle Junior next week, than they lose, at home, to the Ryan Finley led Bengals.
* Third Biggest Game: Steelers at Browns (Thursday, 7:20pm CT, FOX / NFLN). A Steelers victory all but eliminates the Browns, who would drop to 3-7 with six to play. But a Browns victory completely changes the face of the race for the last wild card slot in the AFC. It would pull the Browns back to within at worst two, with six to play, and a relatively soft schedule down the stretch. More importantly, it would drop the Steelers back to .500, and keep creating chaos for the two wild card berths. Chaos is a good thing, so long as your team isn't a part of it.
Root for: Browns. FWIW, neither of these squads are making the playoffs ... but the winner has a better shot than the loser. At least until they meet again in two weeks.
* Last Biggest Game: Jaguars at Colts (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). If "Big Dick" Nick Foles can engineer the upset (and let's be fair -- the Colts just managed to lose at home to the Dolphins, so this is doable), then every AFC South team will be within a game of each other, with six to play. Considering the Jags are the only AFC South team the Chiefs have a direct tie-breaker advantage, we know what to root for, kids. And it ain't meeting your mother at the Farhampton rail depot, waiting on that downtown train. #chaos.
* Root for: Jaguars. If it's Brian Hoyer again for Indy, this is very doable.
Other Game Rooting Interests:
* Patriots at Eagles: Eagles. Seems reasonable if not doable. (That's what he said (rimshot!)!) But I wouldn't bet the family farm on the Eagles winning. (Pause). Well maybe I should wager the family farm, considering I don't have one. But on the other hand, do I want hired goons showing up on my doorstep to cap me? (Pause). Yeah, probably not.
* Bills at Dolphins: Dolphins. You want abject chaos in the wild card standings with a third of the season to go? Give Miami its' third straight win. Sh*t, the Bills could be on the outside looking in, (jimmy buffett voice) come Monday, if they lose this one.
* those people at Vikings: Vikings. Ssshhh, don't look now, but after Sunday night, the Vikings control their own destiny in the NFC Norris ... and given the 49ers closing stretch, they likely control their own destiny to obtain home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
* Jets at Redskins: Redskins. This has Upset O' The Week potential written all over it. Assuming the Jets are favored.
Again, apologies for failing to get the Week Ten picks up. But hey, life goes on. And so do we. Just how we do it? Is no mystery. (Pause). Jesus, I am quoting the lyrics from "Empty Nest".
Next thing you know, I'll be noting you can take the good, and you can take the bad. But take them both? And then you have?
("the voice of reason" voice) Dude. Just stop.
Ain't we lucky we got 'em?
(Na na na na na!)
Good Times!!!!!!!
Damn, I love 1970s / 1980s god awful sitcoms ...
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