A quick housekeeping item:
I am hoping to duck out to Dallas this weekend to catch the Stars / Blackhawks game with my college roommate. Wish me luck. Please, wish me luck. I haven't seen Vineet in 9 years * , as impossible as that is to wrap my head around. #ineedthepto
(*: Vineet is my friend who survived 9/11. We swore after that day we'd never go more than a year without seeing each other. It's time to resurrect that promise, godd*mmit. Oh, and f*ck yeah, the postcard still hangs in my office, eighteen years and change later.)
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Here are your standings entering Week Twelve, as always divided into three categories: your division leaders, your wild card contenders, and your "not a chance in hell they're playing in January" teams:
And ... your Week Twelve rooting interests. Assuming you're a Chiefs fan, of course.
(Note: still working on the Chiefs / Titans weekend recap. Hope to have it up by Friday morning ... ditto the Week Twelve Picks.)
* Byes: Chiefs, "Super" Chargers. So, I was speaking with my buddy Nick at work today, and he asked a question I had no credible answer to.
"When was the last time the Chiefs defense won the game?"
So I started thinking back through our favorite team's closest encounters over the last few years ... and I had no answer.
The obvious answer I guess is at those people five weeks ago, but that game was dominated by the Chiefs offense, if we're being honest here. The other five wins this year -- at Jaguars, at raiders, vs Ravens, at Lions, vs Vikings -- were all won via either (a) an incredible offensive explosion (the first three) or (b) a two minute drill that saw the Chiefs score as time expired.
I still don't have an answer. There's far, far, far more collapses the last three, four years, than stands at the end, like Monday night was.
Curious to hear what y'all think of what the answer should be, in the comments section.
* Biggest Game: raiders at Jets (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). The Chiefs announced this morning that playoff tickets will go on sale on Wednesday, December 4th, for us STM's and Jackson County folks. Which seems reasonable -- with a little help on this upcoming Sunday, and a victory next Sunday, the Chiefs will all but clinch the division.
On the other hand, if a Jets team that hasn't won (let alone credibly competed in) a conference game holds true to form on Sunday, and the Chiefs lose an unthinkable fourth game this season at Arrowhead, then the AFC West is going to be one hell of a sprint to the finish.
Root For: say it with me kids. (fireman ed voice) J! E! T! S! Jets! Jets! Jets! For one week, join me on the misery train and root for this collection of (un)lovable losers! Please, let me talk you into the Browning Nagle Junior era! It's been every bit as sh*ttacular as the actual Browning Nagle era so far!
Please, let me convince you Adam Gase is mentally competent enough to walk in public without a drool guard and a helmet! Please, allow me to talk you into why sending (arguably) the NFL's worst owner to be our ambassador to our biggest ally is the smartest decision Mr. Trump has made in his Presidency!
(Note: that one liner wasn't pure sarcasm, Shecky Greene style; only part sarcasm. Anything that gets Woody Johnson's hands off day-to-day operations of the Jets, is a win in my book.)
You'll hate yourself for three plus hours rooting for this team of quitters and never-triers ... but if the alternative is rooting for Chucky and the silver and black, what choice do you have?
* Second Biggest Game: Colts at Texans (Thursday, 7:20pm CT, FOX / NFLN). The winner is in the drivers' seat to win the AFC South, especially if it's the Colts, who already beat the Texans in Indy a month ago. The loser is still in decent shape for a wild card slot, especially if the loser is Indy (whose schedule is much easier down the stretch than Houston's).
Root For: Houston. (Pause). Yeah, gotta.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Larry Gatlin and his brothers!
Houston!
Houston means that I'm one day closer to you!
Aw honey? Houston!
Means the last day of the tour, and we're through!
Well honey?
You and God above in heaven above know I love what I do!
Aw but Houston?
Houston means that I'm one day closer to you!
If I have to travel for the Divisional Round game ** (and odds are, us Chiefs fans will), please give me Houston as the destination. I don't ask much. But I'd much rather go to a place forty minutes from a warm body of water in January, than an ice skating rink five miles southeast of my favorite sporting venue on earth (that would be the Indianapolis Motor Speedway).
(**: (luke bryan voice) been there, done that.)
* Third Biggest Game: Ravens at Rams (Monday, 7:20pm CT, ESPN). I'm still in utter denial that the Texans failed to show up last week against the Ravens. I just cannot believe the Ravens are this good. I mean, I saw them in person Week Three. The Chiefs defense looked damned good against them for fifty plus minutes, until it didn't matter and it was garbage time.
The Ravens are not this good.
Are they?
For the Rams, this is all but it. They're already looking up at the 49ers and Seahawks in the division, still have to play both squads (Seattle at LA; San Fran in 'Frisco to close the season, I believe), and they're chasing the Vikings in the wild card race (and possibly the Packers too -- I'm telling you, that Packers at Vikings Monday Night finale is going to be the biggest Monday Nighter in many a season, folks). They're hurting in the tiebreaker category, their offense is sputtering to a grinding halt most weeks, and again, they're two back of any playoff spot with six to play.
That, to quote myself from my college days, that?
(stevo voice) Is no bueno.
* Root For: Rams. The Ravens have two realistic losses left on the schedule -- this week, and next week when they host the 49ers. It's still a slim, outside shot ... but lose both, and the Chiefs can still steal the two seed and a bye.
* Fourth Biggest Game: Jaguars at Titans (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). One of these teams is toast if they lose. Especially if that team is the Jaguars. Ironically, the Titans are probably in the best position of any team in the South -- they still get the Colts, and two of their last three are against the Texans.
* Root For: not a f*cking clue. Probably the Jaguars, as the Chiefs have tiebreaker over them ... but a Titans win all but eliminates the Jaguars, and frankly, the Chiefs aren't getting in as a wild card in all likelihood -- it's AFC West Title Numero Cuatro in a row or bust.
* Other Rooting Interests.
* Patriots: vs Cowboys (Sunday, 3:25pm CT, FOX). Root for the Cowboys -- and again, like choking down rooting for Browning Nagle Junior, the worst coach in the NFL, and what passes as a football team known as the Jets, it might be tough to do ... but root for the Cowboys.
* Bills: vs those people (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). (stevo sighing in disgust). (stevo vomiting in abject disgust). (stevo curling up into the fetal position and wishing death upon himself in beyond abject disgust). Root for those people.
* Steelers: at Bengals (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). Root for the Bengals, although it won't happen.
* Browns: vs Dolphins (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). Christ, who gave CBS this god-awful slate of games? Root for the Dolphins -- not just on the chaos theory, but I'd love to have a back door open for a wildcard, if I'm being fair and honest. (Only one of which, I'm ever accused of being.)
Until next time -- hey! (sgt. esterhaus voice) Let's be careful out there ...
(cue the greatest tv theme song ever ... or so says stevo ...)
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