quick turkey day picks

Full Week Thirteen picks up later today or Friday.

* Bears (-5 1/2) 24, at Lions 14.  Our fair nation has seen its' fair share of ridiculous and "what the f*ck?" lawsuits * filed in its two hundred plus years of existence.  How come nobody has sued the NFL for forcing us to watch a god-awful Lions squad get its ass raped every Thanksgiving Day, usually during the main course?  Having to watch the Detroit Lions is a crime against good food, good friends, reasonable family members, and most importantly, the post-dinner gambling marathon that may or may not happen in my Uncle Bill's basement.  Someone should sue to get a new team on the docket (rimshot!)  Or at least to force the Lions to be in the hunt for something other than a top ten pick, when this game kicks off every year.

(*: still my favorite "Family Guy" episode -- and moment -- ever.)

* at Cowboys (-6 1/2) 31, Bills 24.  If my name was Jason Garrett, I believe, in the words of Stevo's Site Numero Dos' Official Color Commentator (Emeritus), the legendary Dan Dierdorf, that it would "behoove" Mr. Garrett, to win this game.  Jerry has fired offensive coordinators at halftime before.  (Sorry, Ernie "Chain Smoker" Zampeze.)  Sh*t, he's fired broadcasters during the game before.  (Sorry, Dale Hanson.)  The man fired the best coach he'll ever have over a drunken argument at a hotel bar for Christ's sake.  You crap the bed at home, on national television, to let the Eagles back into this race?  You're not long for the sideline.  Especially when the closing four are at Bears (TNF) / vs Rams (FOX) / at Eagles (FOX) / vs Redskins.

As noted earlier, it would really help the Chiefs, if the Cowboys win this game.  (As well as create mass confusion and chaos in the AFC wild card standings.)  Come on confusion and chaos!

* Saints (-6 1/2) 45, at "Shane" Falcons 10.  I have to heap a lot of praise on whoever the NFL Schedule Guru is this season, for so far picking damned solid prime time matchups.  (Only one flex so far -- booting Seahawks at Eagles for Packers at 49ers last week.  And frankly, either option was solid.)  I mean, even the Monday Night schedule has been good -- up to and including two huge ones in December (Vikings at Seahawks on Monday; Packers at Vikings Week Sixteen).

But this?  This is indefensible.  For a second straight year, America will be turning off its' televisions by halftime, to avoid this garbage fest.  Yo, NFL?  NOBODY outside of the deepest of the Deep South wants to watch these two teams play, period.  Let alone in prime time, with no other options (save for a horrid Ole Miss / Mississippi State option that might draw ratings, if this crapfest is the other football option).

Let's hope next year, we get a matchup on Thanksgiving Night the nation is clamoring to watch.  Like, say, I don't know ... the Patriots at Arrowhead?  (Next year's home schedule for KC is those people, raiders, "Super" Chargers, "Shane" Falcons, Panthers, Patriots, Jets, and the AFC Norris team that finishes in the same position as the Chiefs (likely the Ravens at this point).  Tell me Pats at Chiefs -- or Ravens at Chiefs, or raiders at Chiefs -- wouldn't double the ratings NBC will "earn" tonight.

The rest of Week Thirteen, plus the usual side dishes that come with the picks, should be up by tomorrow morning.  (They're about 40% done at this point ... or about the same as the mimosa my mom made me this morning (rimshot!)) ...