"Working like a dog for the boss man;
Working for the company.
I'm betting on the dice I'm tossing;
I'm gonna have a fantasy!
But where am I gonna look?
They tell me that love is blind.
I really need a girl like an open book,
To read between the lines!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up while I'm going down!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up 'til I hit the ground! ..."
-- "Love In An Elevator" by Aerosmith.
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Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
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24. New York Giants.
Last Year: 5-11-0, Last Place, NFC East.
Prediction: 7-9, 3rd Place, NFC East.
The sooner they start Daniel Jones, the better.
23. oakland raiders.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC West.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC West.
The Antonio Brown release today, if anything, should cause me to rethink their record in a positive way. But 7-9 / 8-8 sounds about right, if I'm being honest, so I'll leave it as is.
22. Carolina Panthers.
Last Year: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Trust me Cameron -- celibacy doesn't improve your life, or on-field skills. Also, you have to love a proven thief that is the son of a man of the cloth, that has already cranked out a couple kids outside of wedlock, trying to portray himself as a model of morality. For f*ck's sake. Just stop.
And to think people actually wonder why I refuse to step foot inside a church unless drug at gunpoint and/or by the bride or groom ...
21. Baltimore Ravens.
Last Year: 10-6-0, AFC Norris Champion.
Postseason: L Wild Card 17-23 (vs "Super" Chargers).
Prediction: 5-11-0, 3rd Place, AFC Norris.
One of three AFC playoff teams from last year that ain't returning to the postseason this year, and the Ravens will be the only one of the three to not be in contention in December.
20. Indianapolis Colts.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC South.
Postseason: W Wild Card 21-7 (@ Texans); L Divisional Round 13-31 (@ Chiefs).
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC South.
I'd have picked 7-9 even with Andrew Luck under center.
19. New York Jets.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC East.
Prediction: 8-8-0, 3rd Place, AFC East.
The Jets came up one game short of the final wild card slot in my schedule run. Or, a typical Tuesday for Gang Green.
18. Minnesota Vikings.
Last Year: 8-7-1, 2nd Place, NFC Norris.
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC Norris.
I have the Vikings controlling their own destiny in the division entering Week Sixteen. I have them controlling their own destiny for the Wild Card entering Week Seventeen. I have them finishing outside of the postseason. You gotta love sh*tting away $84,000,000 (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change, on the worthless Kirk Cousins.
(But you're starting Kirk Cousins on your main fantasy football team, right?) Hell yes I am.
17. Seattle Seahawks.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC West.
Postseason: L Wild Card 22-24 (@ Cowboys).
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC West.
For what it's worth, I have eight -- eight! -- NFC teams at 10-6 or 9-7. Only four of them can get in. Just wait until you see the schedule runs, because yes, I had to calculate Strength of Victory to figure out one playoff spot. Also, for what it's worth, had the Seahawks won any of their three roadies after their bye (@ Eagles, @ Rams, @ Panthers), they'd have been at worst the five seed, and had they won that Rams game, they'd have won the NFC West.
Up next, the Wild Card contenders -- aka, the eight teams the four wild card slots will emerge from ...
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