As I sat listening,
To the hours and minutes?
Ticking away.
Yeah just sitting around waiting
For my life to begin,
While it was all just
Slipping away.
Well I'm tired of waiting
For tomorrow to come;
For that train to come
Rolling around the bend.
I've got a new suit of clothes,
And a pretty red rose,
And a (QB) I can call
My friend.
These are better days!
These are better days, it's true!
These are better days!
Better days with a (QB) like you! ..."
-- "Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen. Jesus, "Lucky Town" is so, so, so damned underrated ...
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So much of what I was going to write today, I am choosing to save for next week. Because it melts in better with what my planned theme for next week is.
So instead ...
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... allow me to note what my Chiefs weekend to be is, uuh, to be, and then get the pick out of the way, and let you get back to your Friday night.
I leave tonight for lovely -- and Jesus, do I use that term loosely -- lovely Springfield, Missouri, where about fifteen miles south of there tomorrow, my good buddy Ryan will marry his long-time girlfriend, the lovely Alyssa, in what should be one epic ceremony * .
Then, after the wedding and reception (it's at a "winery", and it's a wedding of two great, long time tailgating friends; if there ain't an open bar, you'll know about it, I can assure you of that), I head back to KC overnight ... before leaving at the ass crack of dawn, to spend for what is likely to be for the final time, the way I've spent every raiders road game since at least 2010: in the Garage, in Sioux Falls, with about 25 raiders fans in what we refer to as "Black Hole North".
(Plus the one Chiefs fan up there, the lovely Leslie. Trust me, Chiefs fans -- beating those people in that place? When you're outnumbered like 35-6? Is so f*cking sweet.)
Then Monday -- and please, at the risk of sounding like an elementary principal at kindergarten graduation, please withhold your applause and/or outright laughter until the paragraph is finished -- I am playing in some kind of golf event on Monday up there that is affiliated with the Senior PGA Champions Tour, which is hosting an event next week in Sioux Falls.
Now, to be fair, I have played two practice rounds this summer: one at Royal Meadows over the Fourth of July, and one at Teetering Rocks to open August ** , so I might be prepared for this ... but come on. It's me on a golf course. I swear, I broke a basement window or three at the old place on Stubbs ten years ago ... and the window was twenty yards behind my chip shot, aimed at the woods 120, 130 yards in front of me.
(My way of saying: unless someone mentions the name of an ex of mine as I'm teeing off, I'm carding a snowman at least on the hole. (Shoutout to high school golf at St. Andrews, everyone!))
(Also, if the cart doesn't tip over twice, I've won the battle, if not the war, (jimmy buffett voice) come Monday. #gijoe)
Finally, on Tuesday, I head home (hopefully), spend a whopping one day in the office, and then spend Thursday, Friday, and (if need be) Saturday, getting The Bus ready for the home opener.
That is my week to be -- five out of six work days off on PTO and/or "work from home" days; one wedding, two football games, three planning days, and a round of golf thrown in for the hell of it.
It is not the week that was -- which is what I'd intended to write about, only to realize, it fits my planned theme for next week better.
But still, for a week to be, it's loaded like ... well, like me on a typical Tuesday. Struggling to avoid the coffee table, barely nailing the deep end of the couch, to tune in and watch the rock star sitcom lineup ABC has to offer.
That is my weekend and week, to be.
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(*: I get if you're a girl, why you'd want a ring on it ... but for Christ's sake, explain this to me. And I ask this as a 42 year old single, straight male, never married, but did live with "The Ex" for a few months (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day.
If you've been living (with benefits!) with a chica for four years, she doesn't want kids, and you're both at least ok with the relationship, why f*ck it up by putting a ring on it? What f*cking sense does that make? Just "live in sin" and be happy! I don't get this need to get married. Jesus never married. What's your excuse?)
(**: I'll (probably) never be invited back. My playing partner -- whose name I believe was Amber (she is (was?) my buddy Jordan's girlfriend) threw up on the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and eighth holes ... then puked on the tenth tee as well, as I tried to get her into New Tito to get her home to sleep off one epic hangover. Now, to be fair, if you're scared of heights, you'd puke on the third tee at Teetering Rocks too. Nothing like a 300 foot descent to the green when you're still pushing a 0.27. And the fifth on a 91 degree day would make Tiger Woods upchuck between the humidity and the swamp critters.
But anyways.
There's drunk, there's ridiculously drunk, and then there's "puking your guts out on 6 of the first 10 holes of a course on a lovely 91 degree morning" drunk. I've done two of the three. I've never done the third. Not even at Indy, be it for a 500 or a Brickyard. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I meant "yet"; it's supposed to be 87 at tee time Monday morning in Sioux Falls!)
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So, the pick.
I hate this is the last trip to oakland for the Chiefs. There's certain things in life that should never be f*cked with. The raiders playing in oakland should have been one of those things.
I also hate this is likely the last trip up to Sioux Falls for this game. Because let's be honest here, come next season, where the hell do you think I'm going to watch this game: the cold north ... or Vegas? Not even my mom has to ask that question, the answer is so obvious.
I hate that greed, Goodell, and utter stupidity (not necessarily in that order ... although all three are related) has screwed over forever one of -- if not the best -- rivalries in the NFL. Nobody wants this game to go to Vegas, other than degenerate gamblers and/or greedy landlords. And yes, I may be one of those things ... but I still want the game in oakland, and I rent my house, thank you very much. #ilovewaldo
I hate this is it, to go to oakland ***. I hate this is probably it to go to the Garage in Sioux Falls. I really hate that I have to pack for a week tonight, go over 1,500 miles (aaliyah voice) back, back, forth, forth over the next five days, and when it's all said and done, the Chiefs will still likely be tied with someone atop the AFC West, with the very formidable Ravens coming to Terrorhead next week, to truly kick the season into high gear.
So let me at least relax Damien out there -- this week's pick is not the Upset O' The Week ... and I'm going to pick something I rarely do.
(damien voice) (for the first time ever, confused as hell) what the ...
* Chiefs (-7) 38, at raiders 0.
As "The Voice of Reason" has noted many times in the past (usually to utter laughter, almost always to accuracy) ... ("the voice of reason" voice) "this defense has a shutout in it!" Yes. Yes they do.
And Sunday is it.
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(***: I nailed this pick damned near exactly (it was 29-10, not 29-13). Gotta love the broken clock being right twice a day ...)
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Until next time -- hey! Let's be careful out there ...
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